Mahou Sensei Negima and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Sailor Moon belongs to Takeuchi Naoko.

To Love Ru belongs to Yabuki Kentaro and Saki Hasemi.

Rosario to Vampire belongs to Akihisa Ikeda.

The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi belongs to Tanigawa Nagaru.

Batman and all related elements and characters belong to DC Comics.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

A gigantically humongous and awesome new thank you to the fantabulous Shadow Crystal Mage, for polishing this with his usual stylish grace. Thank you, SCM! Also, a thanks to Darkenning, Ryuus2, Sereg, No Limit, Shanejayell, Prince Charon, Japanese Teeth, King Eli, Rubber Lotus, The Flying Frog, Hellsender, and everyone else who has been supporting this project!

Any non-parody, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events featured or mentioned in this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Please review! And if the bugs don't let you review, send me a PM! And vote in the poll! And add to the Unequally TV Tropes Page!

UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL- LESSON TWENTY FOUR.

Prologue 1: Quartum.

Two Days After.

"White Pawn takes Dark Knight," the clown's voice sizzled like burning meat. "Oooh! I like how that sounds!"

Sitting at the sidelines of the epic conflict, Quartum watched with a blank, bored expression. Now fully clad in red and black, in a simple, functional style favored by Ra's, he had his chin lazily resting on his fists, his eyes half closed and looking like dying flames.

"Your flight's scheduled in seven hours. Don't you believe you should take a short rest to prepare for it?" the elegantly robed master of the League asked, taking a sip from his goblet of red wine, then moving another piece.

The clown waved a hand dismissively, walking around the chess table. "A performer is always at his best! Besides, haven't you heard that 72hours with no sleep means you're insane? How else do you think I keep my edge! What can I say? Part of me still gets goose bumps before getting a show on the road. Leftovers from my pre... enlightening days, perhaps!" He sat back down. "You moved already? About time!" He took a quick glare at the board and moved his remaining Bishop. "Now say goodbye to your rook!" he declared, pointing dramatically to make Kamina proud.

Ra's made a gesture telling the servants the Joker was only allowed decaf now.

"Hmmm," Ra's made an appreciative sound while Joker began pacing around again…backwards. While doing the Moonwalk He never could stay quiet for long. "Do you have a contingency plan for dealing with the Detective, should he appear on your trail?"

"Do you mean, other than siccing Quarty here on him? Oh, Bat Pest Control is what I do best. He's still alive, of course, but normally I let him win. Honest. How could I be evil enough to shatter the justice dreams of a grown-up man child in bat clothes? Anyway, yes, I got plans for him. I alwayshave plans for him..."

Ra's found the way the Joker's pelvis was moving as he said this highlydisturbing.

"Good. Just make sure they don't cloud your view of your current goal's. Our agents at Japan will make sure the local authorities won't interfere," Ra's said, thinking his next move before tentatively moving a pawn. "Soon, mankind's pestilence shall be washed from the face of Earth."

"That's going to take some badass facial wash," the Joker said.

At that, Quartum finally cracked a silent but interested smirk.

Joker stopped before the globe at a corner of the room, licking his lips while spinning it, chuckling at seeing the countries all melding when they went that fast. "Oh, I'm sure it'll be a showstopper to stop all shows," he chuckled. "Standing room only! Reviews from Rotten Tomatoes and Linkara and everything! We do things with style and panache, don't we? Nothing but the best for Homo Sapiens' closing act! Maybe we could even advertise ourselves on TV! Hey, Kids! Be the first on your block to become the last on your block! You never had Daddy buying you one of those kits at your old home, did you, Quarty?"

The Averruncus made an annoyed sound.

"I thought so. Poor thing. Luckily you're surrounded by love now," He sat back down, analyzing the board's current situation. "Hnnnnghhh..."

"It seems I have you in check," Ra's commented, allowing himself a slight smile. Watching from her guard post at the door, Talia smiled as well. Quartum only yawned. For the love of the Lifemaker, that game was so damn boring...

The Joker's thoughtful frown became a grin, and he moved his white Bishop again. "All it takes is a little faith! And now you're in check, Al. And mated, I do believe! Not that I like you that way. Maybe ask Tata there. Got any decadent habits to speak of?"

Ra's stared down in numbed disbelief. The board that had been his a moment ago now had become an inescapable death trap for his black King.

The clown simply cackled throatily, standing around and pacing aimlessly again. "Don't take it too badly, Al. When you do as much time in the slammer as me, you have to get good at all sorts of board games. I won Arkham's Yathzee tournament five years straight! Now, where do you have your john, may I ask? That dinner I had was too spicy, and it won't do to go on a flight like that..."

Quartum sighed, got up, and walked into the opposite direction. "I'm going to take a nap."

Joker shot him a look. "Anyone else getting Uchiha Sasuke vibes from that kid?"

Prologue 2: Ayaka.

Today.

Yukihiro Ayaka woke up earlier than needed that morning.

As she looked up and through her room's large window, she saw the sky was still dark, but she didn't mind. She couldn't sleep, anyway. Better to just try and get ready for the day's ceremony.

She couldn't let Negi-sensei and the class down, after all.

"Good morning, Ojou-sama," Fubuki was somehow awake by the time she made it out of her room, bowing to her. "Shall I get your bath ready?"

"No need. I'll just take a shower," Ayaka said passively, turning towards her room's private bathroom.

As she stood naked under the hot water, resting her hands against the tiled, perfectly white wall, her mind couldn't stop brimming with thoughts about Negi-sensei's recent escape attempt. She saw him hugging Hasegawa and Hakase in her mind's eye, crying about the idea of leaving them, and then trying to run away with them.

The concept was simply too absurd to even consider. And yet, she had seen it. Her rational mind told her it was just natural, for a young boy to get attached to his guardians. He couldn't have meant anything bad when he took that action at that stressful, shameful moment. And surely, her classmates meant nothing ill either.

Her emotional mind only kept telling her he was running away from her. With them.

She bumped her fists against the wall. Clearly, her rational and emotional minds were coming to conclusions unequally.

In the kitchen, the maids whispered to one another with concern while getting breakfast ready.

"Why is Ojou-sama in such a foul mood lately?" Taeko asked. "She passed her test with flying colors, and her class ranked number one. I'd have thought she'd be happy..."

"I ignore it," Roberta said, scowling while trying not to ruin the eggs. Her strengths had always been at the protection front, never at the kitchen.

"As a teenager, she's passing through a delicate stage of her life," Fubuki sighed. "We need to be patient with her..."

"Can't we just get her a vibrator instead?" Taeko asked bluntly.

Roberta's glare showed what she thought of that idea.

The family's young accountant peeked into the kitchen hesitantly, rubbing the cobwebs from his eyes. "Excuse me... CouldI have a cup of coffee, please?"

"Siesta-san," Fubuki told the young short haired maid. "Please serve Okajima-sama accordingly."

"Thank you very much," Okajima Rokuro said, bowingpolitely as Siesta poured him a cup of steamy black coffee. "Why are you all up so early?"

"We are awake whenever Ojou-sama is," Siesta firmly replied. "To attend to her every need at all waking hours… within reason and the bounds of propriety, of course. We're not thatkind of maid." Roberta's muttering on the subject was ignored."And you?"

"I just finished the budget for the next two months," he sigh, taking his first sip of the drink. "I'm beat. All I want is to have a few hours of sleep after this..."

"Hrrrrm..." Roberta made an unamused sound.

As Siesta returned to her previous chores, she promised herself to do something to cheer Ojou-sama up tonight. Maybe the shipment she had waiting from Lady Sevensheep at Ariadne would help. She still missed serving at the Academy, even if the Manor had become her second most dear home.

Yes. She would make sure Ojou-sama would have a night that would make her forget all her worries…

NOTTHATWAY! She wasn't that kind of maid, darn it!

Act 1: Nanoha.

Takamachi Nanoha was having a perfectly average day.

Get up.

Get a quick shower.

Get dressed.

Innocently greet herolder sister Miyuki while she was coming out of their brother's room, hastily adjusting her glasses and combing her hair.

Admire how saccharinely close her family was at the breakfast table.

Then rush out of the house for the school as her current favorite song,Happy Material (Rock Version, sung by Itou Shizuka, Kanda Akemi, Bandou Ai, Watanabe Akeno, and Deguchi Mami), played on her iPod.

This, we'd like to point out, were the ONLY voices she was hearing in her head.

Hikaru kaze wo oikoshitara, kimi ni kitto aeru ne, atarashii kagayaki HAPPY READY GO!

She waved at her next door neighbor and Sempai as she also walked out of her own big, fancy house, waving back and then chiding her Byakuya-Oniisama about letting his breakfast go cold. Then she raced down the street, heading straight for the huge front gates of the thankfully-nearby Mahora Academy.

Mezameta bakari no, tokimeki hajikesou. Mune POCKET ni tsumete, sora wo miageta. Maegami no yukue wo, kagami to niramekko. ORIGINAL egao de, kakenuketai yo...

She ran past a new teacher for the University area, a thin, lanky foreign fellow with bottle-bottom glasses, a pet crow perched on a shoulder. For only a moment, he looked up from the newspaper he was reading through (Headlines: 'THREE FOUND DEAD GRINNING AT TOKYO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT'), gave the foolishly cheerful youngster a disdainful look, and shook his head to himself, muttering about not having a repeat of that university incident with the football player. He seemed nice.

Ichibyou goto dokidoki, irodzuku kono hibi ga. Miraichizu ni naru, takanaru kodou...

Nanoha heard a loud zoom passing over her head, and looked up to see Chachamaru-sempai flying for the main Academy building, carrying her friend (what was she named again? Evelyn-san?) in her arms. She knew Chachamaru-san, of course, as everyone who ate at the Chao Bao Zi with some frequency did; she was very popular, and there were even rumors about her having her own fanclub. And she, like everyone else, liked her, but still, Nanoha couldn't shake off the feeling there was something TOO WEIRD about Chachamaru-sempai.

Perhaps the fact she FLEW had something to do with it. Nah, it couldn't be. After all, Superman-sama and that Magneto-person on TV with Oprah flew…

Hikaru kaze wo oikoshitara. Nani ga matteiru no kana. Amefuri demo heiki, niji ni naru yo. COLOURFUL HAPPY MATERIAL GO! Kimi ni kitto aeru ne. Chisana yuuki wo, sakase you.

Racing right behind Chachamaru-sempai, lifting clouds of dust at its wake, that odd Genius-sempai's speedster vehicle raced past Nanoha so fast it briefly lifted her skirt up, making her to yelp and push it back down. Genius-sempai (who also worked at the Chao Bao Zi at times, although not as often. Perhaps she just had too many genius things to do at her lab, or something) didn't seem to notice, but her pimply-faced taller friend holding to her waist for safety had started to yell at her aboutit, all the while Negi-sensei, who in turn was grabbing onto that girl's waist, cried a heartfelt apology to Nanoha. She also could have sworn the ermine perched on his shoulder made a sound oddly similar to 'PINK!'. But maybe she was reading too much into it. After all, she had her earphones on. Must be the soundtrack.

Everyone had come to know Negi-sensei through the last term as well, even those he never had taught. He had amassed quite a following; Alisa and Suzuka belonged to his fanclub, or rather one of his fanclubs, if Nanoha remembered correctly, although she was reasonably sure he had no idea he had such clubs devoted to him.

Nanoha honestly couldn't see what was the big deal about him, although she had to admit he seemed a nice person.

Hayari mo Study mo, youten CHECK OK. Hyouteki wo kakunin, SPEED shoubu. Nodo goshi sawayakana tokubetsu no yokan ga. Kono mune afureteku, kasoku shiteku yo...

Then a motorcycle also overtook her, with two more motorcycles close by in hot pursuit. Kuga Natsuki-sempai, Kimura Kaere-sempai and Harima Kenji-sempai, two of them the biggest delinquents at the school and one of the biggest weirdoes, never missed a chance to race each other... whenever they actually bothered to show up for classes.

Whenever Nanoha's brother talked about buying a motorcycle, Dad would always say, "Just make sure you don't end up like Harima Kenji." But Nanoha didn't think badly of him. She never had seen him getting into a fight someone else hadn't started first.

And besides, she had always thought you had to convince some people the hard way before befriending them. Not that she could imagine herself ever getting into serious fights because of it...!

Namida kakushita egao, kimi wa kidzuiteru ne. Koi shiyo! Yume miyo! Watashi rashiku.

Konoka-sempai, the Dean's own granddaughter, passed by next, easily speeding on her roller skates, with her red-haired friend running at her side, somehow managing to keep up with her while complaining about being late. Nanoha remembered hearing some of the girls at her class whispering a few things about her being a 'thespian' along with Genius-sempai and Negi-sensei's roommate. Something about 'a scene' at the public baths... Why so much secrecy about someone else being an actress of sorts, she'd never know, but her classmates were weird like that at times.

Negai no saki e Jump shitara. Uketomete kureru kana? Nayamu mae ni dekiru koto wo shiyou! COLORFUL HAPPY MATERIAL GO! Osoroi no kirameki kimi ni todoketai HAPPY READY GO!

Another teenaged red-haired sempai ran past her, with a loaf of toasted bread in her mouth, muttering angrily something about a stupid Misato not waking her up early. A freckled girl with brown hair followed her, trying to calm her down and actually taking a moment to wave at Nanoha and telling her "Good morning!"

"Good morning!" Nanoha waved back. That sempai was always very kind to everyone. If only she could remember her name...

Kimi ni todoketai HAPPY READY GO!

Nanoha finally reached her classmates as they were getting ready to enter the main hall where the end of term ceremony would take place. "Ah! Ah!" she panted. "I almost got here late! Good morning, Alisa-chan, Suzuka-chan!"

"Good morning, Nanoha-chan!"

"Good morning, Sakura-chan, Tomoyo-chan, Naoko-chan, Chiharu-chan, Rika-chan!"

"Good morning, Nanoha-chan!"

"Good morning, Poemi-chan, Futaba-chan!"

"My name's Kobayashi, Kobayashi, KOBAYASHI!"

"Poemi-chan is so cool!"

"Good morning, Cocone-chan!"

"Good morning, Takamachi-san."

"... Cocone-chan..."

"Yes?"

"We really need to work on opening you up a lot more..."

"Thank you for your concern. But I have heard things about your concept of 'Befriending'…"

"ALISA-CHAN!"

Their blond classmate looked aside. "What? I only told her the truth of how we became friends..."

"It was just a push!"

"And some fisticuffs."

"True, but you started those..."

"And then the hair pulling..."

"Ah, yes. I had forgotten that part..."

"And then I pulled the—"

Kinomoto Sakura sweatdropped and waved a hand to stop that happy train of memories. "Hoeee...? Minna-san?The ceremony's about to begin..."

"I WANNA TO BE A VOICE ACTRESS!" Poemi yelled.

Act 2: Haruna.

The auditorium was filled to maximum capacity, and the teachers in charge weren't allowing anyone else in. But all of Class 2... excuse us, Class 3-A had made it in time, spurred by Ayaka to take most of the front rows.

The Narutakis yawned almost non-stop, complaining about being waken up too early, with Fuuka occasionally taking brief naps resting her chin on Fumika's shoulder. Such a decadent habit! Evangeline had a completely terrifying flat expression, as if daring anyone to try and talk to her and regret it. Next to her, Chachamaru simply sat in perfect silence and stillness, as only a non-breathing robot could do, her "Kittens and Negi-sensei" screensaver playing inside..

Yuuna sat a bit apart from the others, next to her father, whispering a few things to him as he nodded and sighed patiently. Satsuki, Chao and Hakase all chatted amiably, with Chisame sitting next to the latter, looking awkward and expectant. Asuna and Konoka chattered amongst themselves as well.

Other classes were more sparsely represented. The formerly High School 1-E, now 2-E's infamous S.O.S. Brigade was in full attendance, along with their more or less frequent partner in crime Tsuruya-san, the Academy's sixth wealthiest student, munching on a chunk of smoked cheese. Class 2-F, now 3-F, was almost fully there as well, except, naturally, for poor Komori Kiri, although she certainly preferred it that way.

But the 16 year-old boy with the spikey orange hair sitting at the back of the hall had no eyes for any of them. He only could look in thoughtful, distracted silence at a single person, drinking on her beauty, sunk into a depressed silence for far too long before exhaling softly, allowing his frustration to come out.

"Sigh..."

The short, 12 years old brown haired girl sitting at his left elbowed him. "Rito."

"Huh?" he said, blinking out of his dreamy stupor. "Hm? What's up, Mikan?"

"The Dean already started," his little sister whispered. "At least pretend you're listening to him."

The 15 years old red-head with short hair sitting at Rito's other side grunted while still keeping her eyes locked on her cellphone. "Why? As if he's saying anything of any interest. Besides, he can't see us all the way back here."

"How could you know, Nao?" Mikan hissed, her voice still very low but tense. "I'll bet you haven't heard a single word of it..."

"Yadda yadda yadda, kid genius this, kid genius that." Yuuki Nao waved a hand at her cousins without even looking at them. "Whatever!"

As a matter of fact, Konoemon was, indeed, talking about Negi-sensei as the young teacher blushed and kept his head low at the center of the stage.

"—And so, we wish to congratulate Negi Springfield-sensei, who, as of this coming academic year, will be working as a full-time English teacher, and also as the homeroom guide for Middle School Class 3-A..."

Negi fidgeted bashfully, showing his age clearly, as the attendants stood up and clapped. He saw the pride in his students' faces, from Ayaka's nearly tearful one to Chisame's reluctantly but evidently warm contentment; from Makie's unbound glee to Yue's restrained, stoic approval. Never before, not even at his own graduation, he had felt more accomplished. Even Itoshiki looked at him with some sort of almost paternal respect.

"I heard the Dean's so happy with the results he's gonna bring another kiddy teacher this year," Yukari whispered to Nyamo. "Some brat just graduated from the M.I.T., Miyamoto Rebecca or something..."

"Where did you hear that nonsense?" Nyamo asked, scowling.

The girl Rito had been looking at clapped louder than anyone else, always trying to be the most vocal with her almost unending bouts of energetic joy. Again, he stared at her, hypnotized by her beauty.

Saotome Haruna.

Always so gorgeous, every time I look at her.

Her sweet laughter...

Haruna's rampant rambunctious laughter echoed through the auditorium, despite her two closest friends' attempts to tone it down a bit.

Her long, silky black hair. Her gentle, feminine manners...

Haruna had taken Yue and Nodoka under an arm each, still laughing like a hyperactive hyena, now pressing them against herself until Ayaka finally managed to hush her and make her sit down.

She's simply the best...

"Rito..." his sister was whispering at him again.

I've decided it. I won't wait any longer. Who knows if she could get herself someone else at her class trip? She seems to like her teacher. I... I can't just keep on looking at her...

"Rito, pay attention to the speech..." Mikan insisted.

I'll do it today! I'm going to confess my love to her!

"Ri-to!" Mikan pinched him in an arm. And then Nao as well for good measure. "And you too!"

They yelped in pain, only to promptly be hushed by the nearby attendants. The little girl shook her head in shame. "Why does my own family do this to me?"

"Excuse me, who was the one who pinched whom?" Nao asked angrily, rubbing her arm.

Rito had forgotten the ache already. He was too busy running the schematics of a love letter in his head.

This couldn't end well, poor sucker.

Act 3: Negi.

After the ceremony, the Dean had summoned Negi to his office, then politely told Shizuna to wait outside.

"Negi-sensei," he began once the two of them were alone, "Are you fully satisfied with your personal rapport with your class?"

"Naturally, Konoemon-sensei!"

"With every last one of them? Even Evangeline-chan? We both know she can be... rather difficult to deal with... at times."

He laughed. "She only needs her own space and some discipline..."

"Ho-hum!" the old man sounded amused. "You seem pretty sure of yourself now. Are you sure you are up to the task of taking them to their class trip, on grounds unknown for you?"

"Yes, sir!"

"That's good to hear, truly it is. Well, I suppose I should ask next; have you settled for a destination place yet?"

"No. Since we had been so busy with the... preparations for the test, well..." the sentence trailed off. "I was thinking maybe Hawaii. I heard that was a nice place…"

The Dean nodded. "Hmm… Very well, I think you should know Konoka's father has offered to finance the trip. What would you say about visiting Kyoto?"

"Kyoto?" he repeated, remembering Konoka herself had suggested a trip to Kyoto a few days ago. Busy as everyone had been back then, no one had given it much thought, but the idea seemed sound enough.

"Yes, yes. Itoshiki-sensei's class already claimed Okinawa, and Fujisawa-sensei's will be visiting the Shinonome ruins. For a long while, our respective magic associations, the Kansai and Kanto ones, were at odds, if not in outright conflict, but those times are thankfully all but forgotten now. We have discussed it for a long time, and we have decided your visit would be another step, even if a small one, towards the strengthening of our ties, as proof of trust and good will. And besides, Konoka-chan hasn't seen her father in almost a year now, and his duties don't allow him to leave Kyoto. I know the last one is a rather selfish reason, but..."

"No, no, I don't mind!" Negi said. "I'd be honored to act as your ambassador there! And it's not selfish at all! A child SHOULD be able to spend time with their father!" He said it with such ferocity Konoemon mentally resolved to bring up the subject of fathers as little as possible around Negi. In his own way, he was as creepy as Yuuna when it came to that…

"That's what I thought. As a European mage, a neutral party, you would be a better diplomatic spearhead than any native mages. But consult your class about it first. Let them decide where do they want to go, with no pressure, no influence of matters they ultimately are better off not knowing..."

The soft but knowing tone in those last few words almost made Negi fear Konoemon might be in on a few of his shameful Pactio-ing secrets, but then the old man just shook his hand and kindly sent him away.

As he walked down the campus heading back home, the boy saw Evangeline and Chachamaru sharing a tea at a small stand, and decided he could start by asking them their opinions. Granted, Evangeline was forcefully tied to the Academy, but maybe she would authorize Chachamaru to go. She'd likely need to be near Hakase and Chao for maintenance, and as for her winding needs, he always could give her a quick screwing a day, the way Hakase had shown him when Chachamaru had been living with them a lot of chapters ago.

And with that last bit of double-edged innuendo, we fulfill our obligatory quota of at least one dirty joke per act. Now we can switch over to the next scene...

Act 4: Akira.

"Akira-chan!"

Akira smiled gently as she walked into the indoor pool area, being greeted by the shorter dark-haired girl. "Good afternoon, Mizuno-san."

The blond, long haired girl with the red bow on her head standing behind Mizuno Ami waited as both teammates took each other's hands and shook them briefly. Then the girl with short hair introduced her. "Akira-chan, I'd like you to meet my roommate, Aino Minako. Minako, this is Ookuchi Akira, the junior star of our team."

"It's a pleasure," Akira said, bowing.

"The pleasure is all mine!" the Minako girl grinned. The white cat roaming around her feet had paused, giving Akira an intense, intrigued look. "I've seen you during Ami-chan's competitions. You swim faster than a dolphin! How do you do it?"

The 3-A student-to-be looked somewhat embarrassed. "Oh, no, it's nothing. I've just trained hard, that's all. I'd never have managed it without Mizuno-san's help, and everyone else's. Besides, I'm still far below Ichinose-sempai's level."

"You mean the girl you're saying goodbye to now?"

"Yes. Ichinose-sempai led us to victory in four straight regional championships," Akira answered. "However, she has just graduated, and she'll be leaving for Toudai."

"Man, you were so lucky to have an ace like her..." Aino mused, rolling her blue eyes around. "I wish we had someone like that in the volleyball team..."

"I'm sure you'll do better next term," Ami told her. "This year, you just had bad luck, going against the Fujimi Academy team..."

"Yeah, I guess so..."

Then Akira felt something small and furry rubbing against her ankles. She looked down to see that it was the white cat that had been prowling around Minako moments before. Inwardly, she was relieved it wasn't Negi-sensei's pet ermine again. That animal had something about it that made her feel uneasy.

"Oh, that's Artemis-kun, my pet. You'll have to excuse him, he's... a bit of a troublemaker," Minako said. "He can't see a pretty girl without going right after her..."

"It's okay. I understand." Akira smiled kindly, picking up the small feline. She was no Chachamaru, but she was still never one to waste the chance to pet a kitten. "He's a very cute kitty..."

The cat looked exactly at her eyes, with almost human precision, as if measuring the sincerity of her words and feelings. It made her nervous for a moment, but she told herself it was a silly thing to feel as she put him back down.

She also vaguely wondered what the deal was with that crescent moon thing on his forehead. Some owners just marked their poor animals with the dumbest looking things...

Act 5: Rito.

Rito Yuuki attempted to draw in a confident breath as he sneaked his way towards the junior high girls' lockers, hoping this time he wouldn't be found out, accused of being a stalking pervert, and beaten up. For that purpose, he applied his best stealth skills, achieved after grueling hours and hours of playing Metal Gear Solid.He'd have bought his cardboard bow to make his disguise absolute, but his sister had gotten to it and thrown it away. Ah, well. As long as he stayed in the shadows…

So far, it had worked like a charm. Miraculously, he had made it to the soon-to-be 3-A lockers without being spotted; most students were at their farewell parties, or planning their class trips, or actually having the courage to declare their love for others face to face.

Rito sighed as he stood before Saotome's locker, his head drooping down in shame. He hadn't even dared to sign the damn letter. How could he be so pathetic? He'd never hear the end of it if his friend Saruyama ever learned about it.

No, that wasn't the way he should be thinking, he told himself. It was better to start a single step a time, right? Coming out at her out of the blue to tell her he loved her wouldn't do. Especially if she liked well-behaved guys like Negi-sensei, and Rito *did* want to think he was a well-behaved guy himself.

Maybe he'd scare her if he was too straightforward. After all, she was his kouhai, a younger, virginal, untouched maiden...

Yes, her locker was painted all over with strikingly erotic imagery of shirtless men, but that meant nothing! Right? It was... a perfectly normal thing for girls of that age to like. Nao even had a stash of such magazines under her bed; as he had learned that day while helping Mikan with the cleaning chores. Though he was a bit confused as to why some of his own magazines he'd thought had gone missing had been there as well…

His heart thumped loudly as his trembling hands began pushing the sealed letter ahead, aiming for the lower slit of the closed door. He almost was there. True, his anxious nerves were killing him, but really, all he had to do was to push that thing into the slit and be done with it. It wasn't like it'd hurt, right? She surely was used to it...

To receive love letters, that is...

Someone so gorgeous and... sophisticated... just had to...

Her very presence was so cheerful and warm, it made him feel embraced by a strange tingling aura that sent his soul soaring. Ahhhh, even remembering it made him to feel it all over again...

"Whatcha doing there?" she asked curiously into his ear.

"YAHHHH!" he jumped up, shouting like a strangled animal just caught in a trap. Rito slid back until he found himself with his back pressed hard against a corner. He whimpered, his eyes bulging out like baseballs, "Wh-Wh-Wh-Where did you come from? Why are you here?-!"

"... This is my locker," she said, pointing at it. "I just finished my Manga Club meeting, and I came for a few things. What are *you* doing here? Arent'cha a bit far from your classroom, Sempai...?"

"R-Rito! Y-Y-Yuuko Ritu! No, I mean, Yuuki Rito!" the boy blurted, guessing she was subtly asking for his name. "And I was, uh, lost! No particular good reason why I was here!"

Haruna blinked, then looked at the envelope he was clumsily trying to hide behind his back. She could sniff the faint scent of perfume wafting from it, and something else. The bitter taste of candied almonds. Her ahoge twitched wildly, scanning back and forth to confirm. Yes, there was no doubt about it was strong in this one. The Love smirked, looking at the neatly kept locker right beneath hers. "Oh, really...? Sempai, you shouldn't say such lies! I know exactly why you are here!"

"Y-Y-You do?" His whole body went white, and even his hair lost all color.

"You are here... to deposit that love letter!" She pointed an accusing finger at him, although her expression was amused and not angry at all.

"...!" he gasped.

"At Nodoka-chan's locker!" The finger now aimed at the other librarian's private place.

Now that made Rito's face to lose even more color, becoming transparent. It was quite interesting to see, the underlying network of veins and capillaries, the way his muscles all stitched together, the way you could see his bones…

He recovered quickly, however, waving his hands around. "No! No! Definitely not!"

"Why not?" she grinned. "There's no shame on liking Nodo-chan! She's cute, polite, a good cook, smart and sensible! Plus she's small, slim and flat enough to be a loli, and that's always hot. She'll always call you 'onii-chan' and her voice is always so sexy when she does…" She trailed off, drool dripping from a corner of her mouth. Rito found it infinitely fascinating.

"I-I know!" he stuttered. "I mean, vaguely, but I know! But I don't feel that way about her! And this thing I'm holding is not a love letter! I got it from my... from my Mom!"

"Your Mom sends you love letters?" Haruna lifted a thick eyebrow up. A bit more drool began to drip.

"O-Of course not!"

She seemed almost disappointed. "You sure?" she asked, finally wiping the side of her mouth.

"Of course I am!"

"A pity. You have the right kind of face for a protagonist of a doujin like that..." she hummed, framing his face between her hands from a distance, expertly. "No. Wait. You got much more of a Sis-con face. No wonder you like Nodoka. You have a little sister at home?"

Rito's face betrayed shock. "We're allowed to live together here since I act as her guardian... How did you know?-!"

"HO! HO, HO HO!" Haruna laughed, very unladylike. Or quite ladylike, since she was imitating how her gymnast aunt laughed. "I'm an expert at pinning down such things! And you have all the standard traits of that kind of boy!"

Rito was even more impressed by her now. On top of it all, she was so smart...

At the Yuuki dorm, Mikan shuddered as she brushed her teeth. "I feel as if the devil had just mentioned my name..."

From the couch were she lay lazily reading ero-manga, Nao snorted. "Must be Kimura-sensei drooling over you again."

Back at the main Academy building, Haruna chuckled, grabbing the paralyzed Rito by the shoulders. Her proximity had all but broken his mind now. Never before had they been so close. And the way her large breasts all but pressed against his chest now made it all even bett— worse. "Want some tips?" she teased. "Normally, I'd 'ship' Nodo-chan with either Sensei or Yuecchi, but I've got a gut feeling you're a swell guy. However, to be sure of it... I need to read that letter!"

"N-No! No!" he protested. "It's... It's a private letter! And it doesn't have anything to do with Miyazaki-san!"

"Liar! What are you so afraid of? If it's a normal love letter, it won't hurt if I read it! And if it's a lewd, dirty, filthy, sexy, depraved letter full of carnality, indecency and decadent, lustful habits…" she paused a moment to wipe her mouth yet again, " well, it's my duty as Nodo-chan's friend to protect her from you! And I need plotters for my manga, and you could do!"

"Wh-What in the world are you saying?" He tried to escape, but she grabbed him by an arm. "Ahhhh! Lemme go!"

"Lemme see that letter first!" she countered. "Or I'll tell everyone you came here to ambush me and take advantage of me while holding that letter for your originally intended victim!"

He was horrified. "You couldn't!"

She showed her teeth in a perfectly evil sultry smile. "Wanna try me...?"

Oh, even when she was being despicable, she still was so beautiful, he told himself.

Still, he had the strength of mind to resist. "N-No..."

"Oh, for the love of—!" With an annoyed sigh, she snatched the letter away from his hand before he even realized it. Wow, she was fast, too!

"No! No! Please don't read it!" he begged, falling down to his knees, feeling like shame would kill him right then and there. "It isn't mine! It's from my Mom, really! I mean, not like she likes you, but she thought I liked you, and so she thought she should—!"

But she already had ripped the envelope to shreds and was reading through the letter at Yomiko Readman-like speeds, the smile now frozen on her face.

Rito mashed his forehead against the floor and cried a few rivers.

But then he heard her giggle, and an icy shiver ran up his spine.

"Why, Yuuki-sempai..." she crooned slowly, mischievously dragging the words on. "I'm honored... Never before had Ireceived a love letter..."

He turned his fearful eyes up at him. "Y-you hadn't...? Seriously...?"

Then he realized his current angle was showing him quite a nice view of her racy black panties, and so he yowled and jumped back again in shame and terror.

Haruna chuckled to herself. Oh, now this had a lot of potential...

Act 6: Madoka.

Madoka entered the store carefully, looking around. "Urahara-san?" she asked. "Urahara-san, are you here?"

The shop was eerily quiet and silent, though. Madoka started to regret coming alone. It was as if the portraits at the walls were actually staring at her, and the strange animals mounted at the walls and displayed at cages all around the place were even more unnerving. The strange white and red one that looked like a cross between a cat and a beagle with what look like golden rings at the ends of it ears, stuffed and mounted, seemed strangely intent at her, despite the fact its face was completely blank. For some reason, what looked like a stick of dynamite was stuck up its ass. Surely that was some sort of taxidermist's joke?

Still, moved by her desire to get rid of the thing she was carrying, she walked further inside. "Urahara-san...?"

"They're all gone," a voice told her. "They won't be coming 'til tonight."

She jumped in alarm, but relaxed upon seeing the small redheaded boy sitting at a chair playing with a PSP. He wasn't even looking at her. "Oh! Oh, it's you... Jinta-kun, isn't it?"

"Yeah," he snorted. "What do you want?"

Madoka placed the package she was bringing on the table before the boy, next to a very similar looking package of the same size. We're not even going to pretendthis isn't going to lead to some sort of hilarious mix-up."I came to return this. It's still untouched. It's the bottle of love potion I bought for Valentine's Day..."

"We don't do refunds," the boy mumbled angrily, his eyes still fixed on his Batman Incorporated Project: Unlosing Baka Rangers vs Lord Deathman game. "Against store policy. Best you might get is store credit."

"I don't want the money back," Kugimiya said, scowling at his rudeness. "I just... want to get rid of this thing. Their bottles caused enough problems for Misa and Sakurako, but I know they haven't learned their lesson yet. Sooner or later, they'll take this bottle and try again. And I don't want that on my conscience."

"Good. Then just leave it there. You want something else?"

Madoka looked around again and pointed at a small cage and the horribly cute hairy bipedal creature inside. "That's very kawaii! How much does it cost?"

Jinta gave the cage a glare and cringed. "Ugh, no! That's a Mogwai! It isn't for sale. It's too dangerous."

"What is it? Some sort of monkey?" Madoka found hard to believe such an adorable thing could be dangerous. Maybe it carried diseases?

"Yeah. You could say so," he sounded indifferent, too absorbed in his game.

"Ah. Well, have a good day, then." She headed for the door.

"Yeah, you too..." he mumbled.

Half a hour and a saved game later, a young woman with short black hair, wearing a Maid outfit and carrying several bags in a hand, walked in after ringing the bell. "Good morning, Jinta-kun!"

"Hey, Siesta-san," he droned, losing another life to the Level 6 boss.

"Where are Urahara-sama and the others?"

"Out of town. Won't be coming back for hours."

"Oh... But... I assume my package already arrived?"

"Yeah. That's it on table." He gestured lazily towards one of the packages placed before him, not looking up as he shuffled his equipment around. Stupid boss.

Siesta's eyes shone. "Oh, good! Ojou-sama will be so happy tonight!" She picked up the package and pulled out a big fat wad of cash from her pocket, placing it on Jinta's now extended left hand, the right one till holding his console. "Tell Urahara-sama I'm very thankful!"

"Yeah, fine," he waved her goodbye and kept on playing.

Two hours later, he threw his arms up in victory. "Yeah! I did it! I'm so wonderful!"

Then he looked down at the table, at the package still there. "Uh oh…Meh, what do I care?" He sat back down and booted up Parasite Evangeline: 3rdBirthday Party. One way or another, he would unlock that pole-dancing mini game!

In the meantime...

As Madoka walked down the street, satisfied on having done the right thing which couldn't possibly ever bring down bad things upon anyone, she ran into the last person she expected to meet that day after doubling a corner.

Make a contract with me, and I will grant you–

Whoops, wrong Madoka, and completely wrong fic. Let's try again…

As Madoka walked down the street, satisfied on having done the right thing which couldn't possibly ever bring down bad things upon anyone, she ran into the last person she expected to meet that day after doubling a corner.

"Oh, hey, Kugimiya-chan!" the brown haired girl smiled at her, holding up a hand. "What a happy coincidence to find you here!"

Madoka took a pause, more than slightly concerned. Something told her, very strongly, that meeting had not been a coincidence at all. The face of the girl didn't display any surprise at all. It had "ALL AS PLANNED" written all over it. Well, point in fact, she had "ALL AS PLANNED" written large all over her t-shirt, which also bore a wanted poster for that mysterious mass murderer several years ago, Kira. That did not seem like a good omen.

"Oh... Good morning, Suzumiya-sempai!" she said, nodding her head in a vague bow. "Fancy meeting you here, yeah... Wait. I wasn't aware you knew my name..." Or even that she existed, for that matter.

Suzumiya Haruhi shrugged casually, a smug smile dancing on her lips. "What can I say? I make it my business to know the names of those who regularly walk into my club..."

Madoka paled visibly. "I... I've only visited it once or twice. I didn't mean to intrude..."

The older girl leaned forward, almost sticking her face in Madoka's, much to the latter's discomfort. "Intruding? Oh, are you thinking I'm offended or something? Well, I *do* like to be informed when someone wants to walk into *my* club to hang out with my subordinates, taking their attention away from their duties... But no, I'm not offended or angry!-!-!-!-!"She laughed out loud, and that laugh chilled Kugimiya to the bones. Plus the five exclamation marks, always a sure sign of a disturbed mind. Then Suzumiya made that sly wide grin, showing off her perfect white teeth. It was a terrifying grin as well. The Joker would have taken notes. "Then, did you like what you saw?"

"Oh... Yeah, sure, you have a pretty nice club room..."

"Yeah. I'm sure Kyon had a good time showing it to you, too."

Madoka squirmed in place. She remembered the rumors Misa had helped to spread, aboutSuzumiya-sempai liking her clubmate Kyon. And her clubmate Mikuru. And her clubmate Itsuki. And her clubmate Yuki. And the Chiu-sama-worshiping computer club president president next door. And farm animals. And actors from old B-movies. And former convicts. And costumed supervillains. And even– her mind reeled at the sheer unnatural evil of it all–Bella, Edward and Jacob.

Okay, so most of those rumors PROBABLY were baseless, but still…

A Twilight Furry fangirl? No one made such claims without some proof.

Like the Team Edward and Team Jacob buttons on her sleeves.

"Look, I didn't want to—" Madoka began, resolving not to touch her in case it was catching, but then Haruhi began fanning herself.

"Whooo, it's a hot day! Wanna go for something cold to drink?"

"Huh? Well, I don't have too much time, but—"

"It's a free day! The term's over already! Don't be a stick in the mud!" She took her by a hand and began dragging her down the street. Just like the rumors had said, she had no concepts of things like personal space. "And besides, it won't take long! I just want to drink something while I tell you everything about our offer!"

Madoka was really freaked out now. SHE WAS TOUCHING A TWILIGHT FURRY FAN!-!-!-!-! SHE'S GOING TO DRINK MY BLOOD!-!-!-!-!. "What offer?-!"

"Relax! You won't be obliged to wear the Playboy bunny suit yet!" Suzumiya-sempai said, as if that was the most natural thing in the world.

Madoka wanted to run, but that hand's grip was just damn strong. She was doomed.

She repressed the urge to whimper as horrifying visions of being part of the sparkly-vamp slave-cult flashed before her eyes…

Act 7: Evangeline.

"Kyoto, you say?" Evangeline looked mildly intrigued now.

Negi smiled way too cutely. Eva suspected he might be doing it on purpose to some degree. Then he nodded. "Yes! I talked about it with the Dean, and it looks like it'd be the best choice for our class trip!"

"Like I care," the blonde growled, falling back into a cynical mood, relaxing on her chair. "I'd never go with all those cretins on any sort of trip, and even if I wanted, I couldn't go... because of your damn father's fault!"

Negi was about to apologize on the Thousand Master's behalf, but before he could do so, Mc Dowell smirked. "Isn't that a bloody fat coincidence, though? Or not. That old goat never does anything without a double purpose. Did you know your old man used to have a house in Kyoto?"

"Eeeeehhh?-!" his voice rose up to a high, almost girlish, pitch. "I never knew that!"

"It was supposed to be a secret, you dolt," she told him, keeping her voice very low. "I told you already, he had plenty of powerful enemies. Negaduck, Vandal Savage, Dead Apostles of all sorts he'd pissed off, Joey Tribbiani, Barney Stinson, the IRS…That house was one of his many hideouts; we were there a few times while we traveled together."

"Was it a romantic place?" Chachamaru asked.

"Very. But the damn idiot would never get the hint no matter how much—" Then she turned around and bonked her now empty glass on the top of the robot's head. "Mind your own business, useless doll!"

"I apologize," she droned, not actually sounding too apologetic.

Eva gruffly looked back at Negi, who simply sat there with a stupefied expression. "Ugh, that's what I'm talking about! That's the same goofy face he put on all the time back then! You disgust me!"

"Sorry..." he babbled.

"While you're there, ask Konoka's father about him," Evangeline mumbled. "They were really close back in the day. They probably shared far more secrets than what he told me while we were together."

"Father had a lot of comrades, didn't he?" the boy asked. "Itoshiki-sensei recently told me they were friends, as well."

"He only hung around your father's band of fools hoping they'd notice him," the daywalker vampire snarled. "Or so I've heard. That was before I met him."

He paused, pondering what could that mean. "Back when my mother was still alive?"

Evangeline blinked. Now that she thought about it, if Nagi'd had a kid, that meant… She tried to cover up the sudden whirlwind of emotions this raised in her, using her centuries of experience of putting up a front to look uninterested. "Duh. Obviously…" Someone had gotten to him. It was the chain of causality she'd unknowingly been keeping from herself. SOMEONE HAD GOTTEN TO HIM FIRST… made love to him… and borne him a child.

For the first time in centuries, she felt as dead as inside as the corpse she was.

Negi breathed in, making Chachamaru feel sorry for him. Both were oblivious to Evangeline's turmoil. "I never got to meet my mother. I don't even know exactly how she died. Nekane doesn't know either. I guess I should look into that, too… It's funny, really. I spend so much time focusing on my father, often I forget he's not the only parent I'm missing…"

"Are you sure your old man's still alive, for that matter?" McDowell asked him. Control…control…"No one's seen him in years, and he never was the kind to lay low. Besides, you'd think he'd have tried to contact you, at least once a year or so..." Or me…he'd promised…

"Iknowhe's alive," he declared firmly. "I can feel it in my heart. Although everyone says he died before I was born, I met him face to face five years ago... and then he gave me this staff. He promised he'd come back to me someday... but I'm not going to wait for him. I'll find him myself, so he can see the kind of mage I have become..."

He sucked at keeping those kinds of promises… I'm still here, aren't I?

Evangeline allowed herself to look as impressed as Chachamaru for a second, but then she chuckled. Why was she bothering to keep the bitterness from her voice? What point was there to playing this show for this, this… sign that she'd lost him to someone else, a long time ago? "Well, at least you've learned more than six spells. If you really want to try it, go for it!"

"Thank you," he said. "Chachamaru-san, will you be joining the class trip?"

"I'm sorry, but I need to stay looking after the Master," she said, denying the offer respectfully.

"I don't need babysitters at this point of my life," Eva growled, crossing her arms. "If you want to go, I won't stop you."

"Thank you very much, but... I really prefer staying by your side, Master."

"Whatever," Evangeline gestured for Negi. "By the way, Boya, let me have one of your hands."

"Huh? Sure," he extended a hand over to her. "Why?"

He had his answer when she grabbed one of his fingers and blew on it, sending goose bumps over his flesh. "I deserve to be paid over my information."

Negi gulped as Eva's sharp teeth pierced his finger's skin, and she started suckling the trickling blood, taking the finger into her mouth in a way suspiciously passionate and heated, sucking it up and down with indecent looking glee. "Mmmm... Somehow, your blood tastes different now... thicker, deeper... much tastier..." she purred between avid suckles.

Negi whimpered as he saw some passerby were giving them odd looks despite Chachamaru's attempts to block their line of sight with her own body.

The worst part of it all was how scarily pleasing it was regardless of the pain. Or maybe even because of it.

Act 8: Haruhi

Suzumiya Haruhi took a long, deep sip from her iced tea and made a loud sound of satisfaction. At the other end of the restaurant table, Madoka sat in an uneasy silence, her glass still untouched.

"Can I call you Kugimin? 'Madoka-chan' just sounds too cutesy-Faustian somehow, and 'Kugimiya-san' is just plain lame," Suzumiya-sempai said insolently, in that eternally careless way of hers.

"I'd prefer you didn't..." the cheerleader began.

"Don't be shy, Kugimin! It's a very pretty nickname, and you shouldn't be ashamed of it!" Haruhi laughed. The longer it took, the more Madoka grew convinced she was trying to butter her up, but failing since she wasn't used to it. "Anyway, what are you willing to do for our club, assuming we accept your request to join?"

"What the—? I never asked to join you!" the younger student exclaimed.

"Then why would you be visiting our club, hmmm?"

"Well, I... uh, I was just feeling some... curiosity..."

"That's great! Curiosity is what our club's all about!" She was unfazed. "Tell me, Kugimin, haven't you ever wondered about the great secrets of the universe?"

"You mean like the meaning of life? If you want a philosopher, you should be asking Yue..."

"Not like that!" Haruhi groaned in annoyance. "I mean the great mysteries of the unknown! Think about it! We live surrounded by marvels, yet we can't ever reach them! Our grandparents never had so many wonders they could see and read about! And yet, even in this age, you could spend your whole life without looking at anything supernatural to the face! This is why our S.O.S. Brigade has come into existence! To contact the beings mankind only dreams about, or only can look at from a long distance!" She stood up, tightening a fist. "And that's where you come in, Kugimin! You, and your first hand connections with the unusual!"

"I have connections with the unusual? Since when?" Kugimiya gasped. "Sure, Misa's a bit loose regarding morals, and Sakurako has more luck than anyone should have, but—"

"It's not only them! Your classroom's full of people out of the norm! Take that Chachamaru girl, for instance!"

"Chachamaru? What about her?"

"She's a robot!"

"Nonsense! Robotics aren't that advanced yet!"

"She freakin' FLIES!"

"So? She spends a lot of time around Hakase and Chao. And they invent all sorts of weird jetpacks and rocket boots and stuff..."

"She has LONG METAL EARS!"

"I think they are devices to help her hear better."

"And green hair!"

"So does your friend Tsuruya-san!"

"Well... I have my theories about her too... Regardless, your class is full of weirdoes, and that's why we might consider your humble petition to join our selected cadre!"

"Wait, are you asking me to join, or am I supposed to ask you to join? Also, shouldn't you be asking those weirdoes to join instead of me?"

Haruhi grinned slyly. "Oh, playing hardball in the negotiations, aren't we? I like that in a woman, but you still won't get more than the average package for new members!"

"If you stopped to listen to me, you'd know I'm not—!"Madoka began, but then a giggle coming from another table made her stop in mid sentence. She turned her head around, with Haruhi quickly following her gaze, and saw Haruna sitting at a table at the other end of the restaurant, happily chatting and eating a banana split with a shy looking older boy.

Now that had been an unexpected random twist. She'd have expected her to be under the table eating something else…

Act 9: Minako

At the Indoor Pool

Akira watched with quiet but noticeable curiosity how that Minako girl interacted with the rest of the swimming team as they arrived one after another. Well, she certainly was a lively one. She reminded her a bit of a slightly saner, but rather bubblier Yuuna.

"So you come from England, then? I lived in England for two years!" she reminisced, patting the slender orange haired Sempai on a shoulder. "I even met Artemis there..."

Shirley-sempai nodded while petting the purring Artemis' head, keeping him on her lap. "I used to have a kitty back at home, too!" she said in cheerful but somewhat slow and clumsy Japanese. "His name's Arthur. But I had to leave it with my friend Milly before coming here."

"Where did you study?" Minako asked her.

"Ashford Academy."

"Ashford!" the blonde gasped. "No way! That school's for royalty!"

Shirley laughed it off. "There's not enough royalty left in all Europe to fill a school! It wasn't that different from Mahora, actually. Dad... has a position inside the British government, but that's all. Now Milly, she's an actual, blue blooded noble. Her family founded the Academy, and she's been engaged to a person of the highest ranks at—"

"A Prince?-!" Minako squealed, almost rushing on Shirley like a child high on sugar. "Oh, that's so AWESOME! I'd love if we could have a handsome, noble prince here at Mahora!"

Not excessively far away, Negi looked up from the book he was reading through.

"Something wrong?" Chisame asked him as she set her cameras up, ready for another session of Chiu being gorgeous.

"Nothing... For some reason, I just had a feeling someone was calling for me..."

Somewhere else on campus, Chiba Mamoru frowned. "Suddenly, I get the feeling this is going to be a work day…"

Back at the pool, the two girls continued chatting while Ami laughed awkwardly, looking at Akira. "Minako-chan has always had no problem making new friends."

"I see," Akira nodded, pondering.

"How's your roommate doing?"

"Ako's health has improved a lot lately. For some reason, she's seemed livelier and more active during the last few months."

"Hmmmm. Glad to hear it," Ami nodded thoughtfully. Her mother had checked on the Izumi girl's state personally a few times, as a favor to Akira. They had found no signs of the actual illness that had claimed Ako's aunt Kanata all those years ago, but still, the girl's health had always been erratic at best. Moreso since her accident...

Then another female voice came from the gates. "Sorry we're late!"

Nyamo-sensei was coming in with an apologetic smile, followed by a tall, beautiful girl on the brink of adulthood, whom Minako thought had to be the so-beloved Ichinose-sempai. Aino was truly taken aback by her mature, sophisticated attractiveness for a few moments, so much she failed to notice how Artemis had tensed up in Shirley's lap, narrowing his eyes nearly to slits, his small nose twitching.

Act 10: Hakase.

"Satomi-chan?" Sakurako asked with a bit of apprehension as she arrived to the rendezvous place. "I came as soon as I got your message. Sorry if I'm late..."

Hakase sighed as she shook her head, looking aside with discomfort. "No, I just got here myself. Thanks for coming. This... is not something we could talk about over the phone."

The cheerleader felt a sting of danger at the back of her head, while noticing the shame on Hakase's face, and her reluctance to look straight at her. "I see... Any reason in particular why you chose this place...? It's not very..." she cut herself in mid-sentence before finishing with the 'romantic' word. She felt it wouldn't do just then.

"Well, the swim team have finished practicing for the term, as I understand it, and without them here, the... curious boys and Honsho-sempai won't be around either," the scientist said, fully ignorant of the meeting taking place inside of the building. They were behind it, with absolutely no one else in sight anywhere. We are also not going to make any effort to hide this will somehow end badly.

Shiina sighed sadly, for once not wanting to spend time on chatter or attempts at small talk. "You want to tell me we're over, don't you?"

Hakase cringed, feeling the guilt biting cruelly all over her. "You... You knew it from the start! I told you back then, at the Christmas party. You're special for me, but..."

"Yes. I know."

Satomi bit her lower lip. Oh, if only there could be formulas and equations to solve this kind of problem...

Somewhere, on a distant, dark planet, Darkseid nearly sneezed as he did his daily brood-ups, pondering the Anti-Life Equation…

"I'm sorry," she said. "But it should be for the best to interrupt this before it gets more serious."

"I want to know..." Sakurako's voice trembled, "Why now? What happened that made you decide this? It was because of the Valentines thing, right? I knew I never should have done something so stupid...!"

"No! No! I already told you, that didn't bother me! It was just... well..."

She paused, unable to continue, but then she looked at Sakurako's sad, expectant–but not demanding– face.

"Sorry. You deserve knowing the truth," Satomi relented. "Chisame and I kissed."

The cheerleader blinked. "You did?"

"Yes. And it was... so brief, but so wonderful. Like solving an equation that has been bugging you for five years, or that moment when your creation comes to life, making you all but a god! A GOD!-!-!-!-!...Ahem. S-Sorry. Got carried away for a moment... Your kisses, your warmth, were great as well, but while I kissed her... I realized I never wanted to leave her side. And Negi-sensei's as well. I know that's hideous, and it makes me a horrible person of decadent habits who does not belong in society, but... but..."

"Don't beat yourself up over it..." Sakurako sighed, sitting down on the grass, wiping a furtive tear from the corner of an eye. "I like Negi-kun, too. Then again, who doesn't..."

"Asuna doesn't."

"That's different. Asuna-chan has... her own brand of tastes."

"Neither does Madoka."

"She does. I've seen the photos under her pillow. She's just in denial." She felt tempted to say Madoka also had photos of someone else in there, to make Satomi feel better about her supposed uniqueness, but then decided she already had betrayed enough of her secrets as it were.

"Or Zazie-san..."

"You sure? With her, it's impossible to say..."

"Right. Well, what about Satsuki-san..."

"Sat-chan loves everyone," Sakurako mused with deep sadness. "If this were a manga, people would be spreading memes about how 'Sat-chan is love'…"

Hakase sat down next to her, caressing her left shoulder. "I'm terribly sorry. But I'm not sure my feelings for them are simple 'liking'..."

"How about their feelings for you? Do they return them?"

"..." she looked down at her feet.

"Satomi-chan, you can't keep on pursuing a relationship with someone who doesn't love you that way..." Shiina said, the irony of her statement blissfully flying over her head.

"Of course I can! I've devoted my whole life to Science, who can't love me back! It doesn't make her any less beautiful, either!" she protested.

Sakurako ran a hand over her own face. "Satomi-chan, will you please stop anthropomorphizing your fields of study? It's a bit, how do you call it…? Demeaning for us real human beings."

"Forgive me," she said sheepishly.

"Never mind. What did Chisame say about the kiss?"

"She didn't get angry, but she told me it shouldn't happen again."

"And what does Negi-kun think of it?"

"He doesn't know it yet."

"Then, don't you think you'd better move on with someone who could actually love you back that way?"

She scratched the back of her neck. "That makes solid theoretical sense, I suppose, but somehow, I cannot feel myself compelled to attempt it..."

Sakurako leaned ahead and placed a peck on her shiny forehead. "Please. Don't give up on us yet."

Tentatively, after a moment of hesitation sweetened by the scent of temptation (or maybe it was just Sakurako's perfume), Satomi leaned ahead as well and briefly kissed her right cheek. "I feel so... conflicted. Like I'm betraying my heart, and my loved ones, no matter what..."

"I'm sure we can think of a solution. After all, you're a genius," Sakurako grew adventurous, now landing a mischievous kiss on her lips. It tasted spicy.

"Ah-hah..." Satomi rasped, too overcome by the sensations of the moment to think too clearly. "I believe Ihave heard of a term that might hold a solution for our current troubles..."

At the same time, at Library Island, Yue and Nodoka had taken a breather from the physically exhausting task of categorizing encyclopedias and had started playing trivia games.

Yue looked at the question card she had just pulled out. "Oh, Haruna would know this for sure. I wonder what's taking her so long? 'What's the term for the marital arrangement where two consorts agree on taking on at least one third person as a lover to one or both of them?'"

Nodoka's face went bright red, but she still said, without losing a single moment, "Sai-shou-dou-kin!-?"

Yue looked coolly at her face. "You didn't waste time on coming up with it, did you?"

"I-I-I was just reading a book on old Japanese traditions yesterday..."

"Hmmmm," Yue nodded, shuffling the question cards again. Oh God, she sounded so hot when she said that...

Nodoka tried to regain her embarrassed breath. Oh my God, she sounded so... hot... while asking that...

Act 11: Haruna again.

Rito watched, with red cheeks and huge blank eyes, how Haruna ate her banana split. He was quite sure that wasn't the right way to do it, and he had the growing-by-the-moment ill feeling she was doing it to tease him, and his conscience kept yelling at him that was B-A-D, but even so, he couldn't take his eyes off from her.

The other customers also had started noticing her... peculiar style of eating, staring with varying degrees of discretion and bewilderment. Ignoring them, or maybe, just maybe, pretending to ignore them while basking in their scandalized faces, Haruna paused, sensually licking the thin moustache of ice cream off her upper lip, and smiled at the boy. Her face, still covered with a few milky ice-cream stains, looked for all the world like she just– no, BAD LINE OF THOUGHT, BAD LINE OF THOUGHT!"What's the problem, Rito-kun? You've barely touched yours. It's going to melt soon..."

"S-S-Sorry!" he eeped, digging into it with a trembling hand and spoon. "S-So, um... It's all right for us to be here right now? D-Don't you have a club meeting right now?"

Saotome shrugged, waving her spoon around for emphasis. "Yuecchi and Nodoka can handle it themselves. I can't be babysitting them all the time."

"All right," Rito said hesitantly..

Haruna took another calculated mouthful of banana. People all across the room gulped. "So, you want to be my boyfriend, don't you, Rito-kun?"

"I-I-I haven't said that!" he gasped.

Haruna's gaze went just a wee bit jaded. "Oh, Rito-kun, please. Don't insult my intelligence."

"I... I didn't pretend that, either!" He grew even more scared.

"Geez, you're a real sack of nerves! You reallyneed a good woman to straighten you out!" she told him. "Relax! The absolute worst thing that could happen is I'd reject you! It wouldn't be the end of the world!"

"I-I-I knew it! You're going to reject me!" he lamented.

"I HAVEN'T SAID THAT YET!" Haruna shouted, losing her cool for once. For crying out loud, was he related to Itoshiki-sensei or something?

Somewhere, Itoshiki Nozomu looked up. "I sense yet another joke at my expense…I'M IN DESPAIR! MY LACK OF PLOT RELEVANCE THIS CHAPTER HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

From their new hiding and watching place behind a column, Madoka snorted, keeping her voice as low as she could. "No, the worst thing that could happen to him would be her acceptance..."

Haruhi-sempai bit her lower lip, entranced by the sight of Haruna's eating. Madoka noticed Suzumiya's hands were hovering dangerously close to her crotch, and it seemed it was taking her a lot of effort to restrain herself from beginning an intense self-touching session. It creeped Kugimiya out to no end. "I like that girl already... She's the mangaka, isn't she? We could use her for a SOS Brigade manga..."

Madoka cringed inwardly, dreading the kind of product such an unholy union might spawn. "M-Maybe we should just leave..."

A tall, spindly girl with long reddish hair, wearing a waitress uniform, approached them. "Girls? Excuse me, but are you going to order something else? Not to be rude, but my bosses have a new 'No eating, no stalking' policy...'"

She sheepishly pointed at a nearby sign with those exact same words on it, and also displaying a photo of Tsunetsuki Matoi with 'NOT ALLOWED HERE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES' written under it. A smaller picture showing the grim-faced, rather handsome in a generic way features of Sagara Sousuke was underneath that, with his own letters reading 'NOT ALLOWED WITHIN TEN YARDS OF PREMISES DUE TO RESTRAINING ORDER. PERSON TO KICK HIS ASS IF THIS IS VIOLATED WILL RECEIVE A WEEK'S FREE FOOD. MANAGEMENT IS NOT LIABLE FOR ANY INJURIES SUSTAINED IN PURSUIT OF THIS'.

Haruhi hushed her, pushing a few coins into her hands and whispering angrily, "Not now, Unazuki-chan! Bring us some candy bars and don't be a bother, okay?"

Furuhata Unazuki sighed while walking away for the Snickers bars. Her brother Motoki had the right idea when he moved away to study at Juuban. She'd have to see if she could get herself a spot there next year.

Idly, she also wondered why all those weirdoes couldn't just stay at the Chao Bao Zi.

Interlude: Madoka again.

Madoka mumbled as she followed Haruhi-sempai down the street. "This is stupid. Shouldn't be talking about that membership you offered me?"

"Very eager to join, aren't you?" the older girl chuckled creepily, never looking back as she rubbed her hands. "Later, later! Right now, I'm more interested on knowing what your friend's up to!"

"I'm not eager to join, and she isn't my friend!" Madoka hissed. "Only my classmate! Anyway, what's so interesting for you about that? It's... only a date! I thought you weren't interested on anything not related to the supernatural, super heroes or Sci Fi!"

"Who's to say they don't have anything to do with that either?" Suzumiya asked cryptically. "My intuition's telling me that guy has all the signs of an alien contactee. Ever heard the rumors about the Tomobiki incidents sixteen years ago? It happens all the time; wimpy looking losers like that get involved with local girls, then they get engaged to alien princesses, dragging their whole circles of acquaintances into madcap intergalactic adventures..."

Somewhere, Negi and Asuna both sneezed…

"That's plainly absurd..." Kugimiya grumbled. Luckily, Haruna and her companion seemed completely unaware of them, walking far ahead. Haruna seemed intent on making cheerful small talk with him, while he only replied with star-struck monosyllables and dumb nods.

Madoka hated to admit it, but she felt fairly sure even Haruna deserved a better man than that.

Act 12: Akira again.

Minako watched on with star-struck fascination as Ichinose Tamao-sempai chattered with her teacher and club mates, after greeting her in the most charming fashion imaginable. Damn it, why had she never thought of joining the swimming team? Now the chance of being friends with such a wonderful, sociable and commanding person would be lost forever...

Artemis, on the other hand, just sat on her lap with as much of a gloomy expression as a cat could make. She didn't pay him any attention, but he seemed to be uneasy and on the edge about something.

Really, not even going to pretend.

The small farewell party was simply lovely. Minako had always believed all kinds of parties should be as big and loud as possible, but this one had its charm, too. She even could almost forgive the fact there were no boys. Almost.

However, she eventually noticed that Akira girl wasn't putting too much of her heart into it.

"Something troubling you?" Minako discreetly asked her.

"Huh? Oh, no, not actually. It's just..." she lowered her voice, "I don't know, it's something about Ichinose-senpai. It's almost as if there's something... offabout her." She rubbed her forehead and shook her head. "No, forget it. I'm just saying nonsense now."

See five paragraphs up. Not even.

The blonde patted her on a shoulder. "It's her last day with you! No doubt she's feeling down, but she's trying to keep a happy face for your sakes. That must be why she feels different to you."

Akira nodded with an apologetic smile. "Yes. You're right. I should be trying to feel happy for her..."

"Oh, yeah, definitely! Toudai's so full of rich, handsome guys, or so I've heard...!" Minako swooned. "If so many rumors say so, it can't be untrue!"

Akira couldn't help giggling at the antics of Ami's quirky friend.

"Girls. Sensei..." Ichinose-sempai finally mused with a placid, yet melancholic smile, walking apart from the group and standing at the pool's edge, with her back turned towards them. She looked down at the quiet waters, crossing her arms. "I'll never forget the time we spent together. Please, come closer. There's something very important I must tell you..."

"What is it, Dear?" the teacher asked as she approached, the rest of the Swimming Team trailing shortly after. Minako and Artemis hung back down respectfully.

"For so long..." Ichinose's teeth clenched, her face suddenly straining as she extended an arm ahead. "For so long, I've been with you..."

Then Minako felt it too. Like a punch in the stomach, burning all the way up to her brain, telling her something was horribly wrong.

"Day after day, week after week, until the weeks became months, and the months were years..." Her voice was now literally sizzling, as her face became even more strained to a suddenly disturbing degree, making Akira to take an instinctive step back, and Shirley to cringe. "Enduring you, your inanities, your disgusting dry smells, your awful body warmth..."

"Sempai...?" Ami's own instincts, sharpened over the dozens of kidnappings and life threatening situations that somehow naturally come with being a Sailor Senshi's best friend, honed over several filler episode before this that we won't bother showing you because it's not important and anyway you can already guess that's on them, finally kicked in. "What are you saying...?"

"Mammals," the taller girl spat out with disgust. There was something in her extended hand. She was crushing it between her fingers, reducing it to fine orange powder that fell into the pool. "Slow, clumsy, hideous land dwelling monsters..."

"LOOK OUT!" Aino cried out, just as her cat bit on her left ankle, trying to force her way back. "SHE'S GOT TANG!"

And then the water boiled up and bubbled, making strange, spasmic noises as it rose up as a seemingly gelatinous, vaguely Tang-like being before splitting into several misshaped things.

Ichinose-sempai grinned, her mouth flashing several sudden rows of sharp, long fangs reminiscing of a shark's teeth. "But now, it's all worth it. I know for sure one of you has the Star Seed!"

"Oh my God!" Ami stepped back as well, far too many unpleasant flashbacks of said filler episodes not told in this fanfic coming back to haunt her. Behind her, Shirley had let out a long shriek. Nyamo-sensei just stared flabbergasted, wondering if Yukari had slipped something into her drink again. Akira stood back in silent, terrified awe.

"Minako!" the cat whispered a single urgent word to his owner.

She looked down, determination coming back to her after the initial stupor, and nodded only once, quoting another blonde girl fighting a lonely war against the forces of evil using shape-changing powers given to her by a four-legged furry thing.

"Let's do it!"

Act 13: Madoka and Haruhi.

"I love fish," Haruna smiled as she looked at the giant tank before them, drinking in the sight of the colorful schools swimming in it. "They are so beautiful, like artistic masterpieces of nature... they're like the breasts of the sea!"

Mahora Municipal Aquarium.

Rito watched on, silently enjoying the pleased expression on her face. Now that was why he liked her. She was always so full of wonder and excitement over everything, never looking down or miserable. So unlike himself...

"So, um, do you have a fish tank at home...?" he asked awkwardly.

"Oh, of course not! They're pretty, but also a bother to look after," she said. "How about you?"

"I... I'm better at looking after plants, actually..." he confessed.

"Oh, that's cool too. And your class is...?"

"H-High School Class 1-A, Ma'am!" he stiffly said, as if saluting a superior demanding for an explanation. "Moving up to 2-A this year!"

Haruna chuckled in amusement. "There you go again, jumping up like a scared cat! Rito-kun, I told you, I'm not going to bite you... Unless you want me to..."

The boy grew red again, backing away in panic. Haruna actually 'hmphed' at that. "You sure you don't want me only to convince yourself you aren't gay?"

"O-OF COURSE I'M NOT!"

"Not like there's anything wrong with that! Many of my best friends are gay. Well, most of them aren't actually my friends, just my models for Yaoi manga, but still, that counts, right? There's this modeling group called the Straw Hats…"

"I'm not gay!" he waved his hands around, then shrunk down after noticing a few passersby were giving him odd looks.

"Okay, you aren't. Sorry," Haruna said. "Do you think there's something wrong with being gay?"

"Ah? Eh? No, of course not!" Rito gasped.

"And bisexual?"

"Bi... se—?-?" Rito couldn't finish the word, sweating cold.

"Because I am," she casually said. "Well, I consider myself one anyway. I haven't sealed the deal with anyone yet, but... Hey, you feeling okay? Need some fresh air? All of a sudden, you look like you're dying there..."

Rito let out several incoherent whimpers.

Several halls away, Suzumiya Haruhi stared in fascination at the gigantic tank holding several large American trout. Their heads were stark white, and their mouths were grotesquely stretched into something that resembled a mockery of a human grin.

"I had read a lot about this!" she gushed with perverse fascination. "Ever heard about the 'Laughing Fish' incident at Gotham three years ago? Even now, all fish born in those waters have faces like these... Wicked cool, huh?"

"I think it's sickening," Madoka, instead, looked at another tank, labeled Hydrochelonius Pararakelsins. Several turtles swam across it, and whenever they surfaced up, she could hear their long, high pitched meowing sounds. She didn't know turtles could ever meow. "Not that I'm complaining, but why aren't we following Haruna anymore? We chased them all the way here, after all. She can't be far; we only lost sight of them for a few—"

Haruhi interrupted her, waving a hand as they passed a tank labeled Spongius Bobus Crapins. "This investigation must be performed in stages! We were getting too close; they'd have found us out soon enough. And this is even more interesting..." her eyes grew bright while staring and staring at the grinning fishes. The glamorous world of American supervillainy had always mesmerized her. "But if you really want to stay on that topic, don't you think maybe it's more likely they are fish people instead of aliens? They came here, after all, and who the Hell goes to an aquarium of their own will?"

"What's wrong about it?" Kugimiya was truly exasperated. "It's a perfectly normal dating place! And fish people? That's even more absurd than the aliens!"

"Superman is an alien," Haruhi pointed out.

"Bull. Everyone knows he's really the result of an American super solder pro—" Madoka stopped herself in mid sentence, shuddering. She was starting to sound like her!

"Alien!" Haruhi insisted. "As for the fish people, there are precedents! DuringWorld War Two, there were several confirmed sightings of a violent oceanic humanoid calling himself Prince Namor of Atlantis!"

"Atlantis. Yeah, sure, and I'm the princess of the Greek Amazons," Madoka muttered.

Somewhere, Diana, the Greek Princess of the Amazons, sneezed. The ritual orgy in the name of Aphrodite was paused to get her a tissue, and then continued…

"Sheesh, you're so dense," Haruhi began walking to the exit. "Just for that, you'll start at the very bottom at the S.O.S. Brigade! Until we teach you how to improve that negative attitude!"

"Hey, I haven't said I'll join!" the younger girl dashed after her.

"See? You're being negative again! You're even worse than Kyon!"

Madoka groaned, thinking Misa didn't seem so crazy now.

She also wondered exactly why she hadn't violently parted ways with the insane Sempai yet.

And yet, she kept on following her until they returned to the Academy.

Interlude: Ichinose Tamao.

"The hardest part about locating a true Senshi Star Seed is," Ichinose began, calmly and business-like now, as the water monsters began sprouting out of the pool, quickly snagging the girls' bodies and making them to scream, "their power is so intense, their light is so bright, it's very difficult to locate them. You can pinpoint the general area they are at easily enough, but it's such a long range power, it could be inside into any of you, just blanketing the whole area most of you frequent."

"Sempai...!" Shirley Fenette struggled, the water blobs tightening around her body, holding her up higher. The water began to get hotter, much hotter, even corrosive, beginning to burn through her clothes. "P-Please don't do this! I don't know why are you saying all that, but—"

"Of course you don't," Ichinose sneered, as her lower body began to shift and change, her legs melding fast into a long and thick monstrous tail reminiscing that of a fish. Her mouth expanded, morphing into jaws armed with huge fangs. "You, pathetic, sad creature, unwitting ape, couldn't ever understand the pain your race has inflicted upon mine. We are all but extinct now, we, who once were the masters of all oceans. All due to you! But once we're done with our task, you'll never be able to stake a claim on this planet again!"

"I don't get it..." Nyamo-sensei squirmed, trying to pull her arms down to cover her now almost fully exposed chest, but failing to resist the blob monster's shockingly solid (for a liquid creature) grip. "Are you a mutant? An alien? A—"

"Mermaid..." the upperclasswoman hissed, her tongue snaking out, running over her teeth. "You should know many 'myths' are indeed true, Sensei, even if not the way your fairy tales have told you. Once, we, those you would call 'monsters', ruled over a better, pure Earth. Until the age of man eliminated us, one by one, just because we were different. You preyed on us, so it's just fair now we prey on you. Lord Jadeite was right. It just feels... right. But enough talking. Let's see if you're the one who—"

Then she made a pause, looking at the snared girls and noticing one of them was missing. "Where's your bimbo blond friend?"

No one said nothing, but a few grunts of pain and a few muttered curses.

The mermaid slithered over to Ami and yanked on her hair. "She's your friend! Tell me, where did she go?-!"

"Don't touch her!" Akira yelled at her, her usually placid face replaced by a furious grimace. "You may pretend we're the monsters, but you're the one behaving like one!"

Ichinose snarled, reaching over to squeeze her cheeks, hard. "Silence. Silence, if you aren't going to say anything useful!" She gestured for one of the monsters that were not holding any girl at the moment. "My dear Orphan, scan the area and strike that idiot down before she alerts anyone! Now!"

With an unintelligible sound, the thing slithered away, out of the building, as if following a trail.

Ichinose smiled. "Interesting. It seems it found a nearby large source of magical power. Maybe I underestimated your stupid friend, Ami-chan. And if she really has magical powers, or even a Senshi Star Seed..."

She made her way back to Mizuno even as Akira defiantly yelled at her to stop, to strike at her instead if she wanted to.

"... It stands to reason you're the best candidate for the girl I'm looking for!"

Then she pushed an arm ahead, slamming her hand against Ami's chest.

Act 14: Haruna and Rito.

Haruna and Rito were now sitting on the swings of a small, solitary children's playground, silently watching the sun setting down.

The boy sulked moodily, while she had on a mostly neutral expression. Finally, she said, "Feeling better now?"

"Y-Yeah!" he replied. "Thanks..."

"Look, I'm sorry if I disappointed you," she said. "But you had the right to know right off the bat. Like I told you, it's not like I'm ashamed of it! But you seem to be a... traditional boy, so... I don't think it'd really work between us," she whispered.

"I understand.."

"Sorry about teasing you before. I shouldn't have given you those hopes. I wasn't really thinking about it."

"No, never mind. Just... forget it."

She grabbed his hand before he could stand up. "Rito-kun. It's not you. Believe me, if you could be happy with... someone like me, I'd have accepted being your girlfriend in a heartbeat."

"For real?"

"Yeah! You're cute, and you truly seem to care. You know what I don't like? That kind of guys who go bragging about how macho and tough they are, and they only stare at your breasts while you are talking to them. True, you looked at my breasts all the time too, but you weren't that shameless about it, and really, who can blame you?"

"I... I didn't—!-!-!"

She glared at him. "I don't like being lied to either, Rito-kun."

"S-Sorry!"

She regained her good mood just as quick. "Don't mind. Like I said, I understand! I can appreciate a good pair of boobs, too!"

Rito had to laugh, even if weakly. "Y-You say the most daring things...!"

She shrugged. "I think everyone should always say what's on their minds. I don't like secrets or lies." She swung around twice. "Maybe I'm a wee bit too frank, but I'd prefer people to like me for what I truly am."

Bashfully, he lowered his head and nodded, feeling he had to say something. "F-For the record, I still... lo-like you."

She stopped, and smiled at him. It was sweet in a way. "No joke? Even after what I said?"

"Yeah! Th-That doesn't change the kind of person you are, right? Just... the kind of people you like."

"I suppose that's one way of putting it, yeah."

"Saotome-san..."

"Call me Haruna-chan. What is it?"

"Is there... someone else in particular you like? I mean, beyond th-the basic boundaries of 'girls and boys'?"

"Yes. Yes, there is. I think I may be falling in love with Negi-sensei. I also love Yuecchi and Nodo-chan. And ever since Valentine's Day, I can't help but thinking Chisame-chan is hella sexy..."

The boy made an involuntary grimace of shock. "And... and... which one would you choose if you had to?"

"I'd prefer not having to choose."

"H-Haruna-san!"

"It's Haruna-chan to you! And I know, everyone think it's dirty, but why do we always have to choose a single person to spend our lives with? When you have siblings, aren't you expected to love all of them equally, and aren't you expected to love both your parents all the same? A teacher is required not to have any favorites, and a prime minister not have any favorite regions! And yet, when you have romantic feelings for two people at once, everyone demands you to pick one and forget all about the other one! That's not what love is! Love is not about forgetting your loved ones just because there's someone else!"

"W-Well, I only have one sister, so I wouldn't know about favorite siblings..." he babbled, his brain trying to cope by attending to a side detail. "No, but wait, you can love several people at once. It's just you should love only one that way..."

She glared at him. "Rito-kun."

"Y-Yeah?"

"Why is that?"

"Because it's that way! Otherwise, you're just leading two people around! That's cheating!"

"Is it cheating if everyone knows what are they getting into?"

"I... I suppose technically it isn't, but..."

"But no one is ever willing to put up with that. Heck, enforced monogamy is really just a derived byproduct of state-recognized unions because they don't want people to abuse the tax exceptions granted to a married individual! Hell, even the term 'cheating' has to do with taxes!" She sighed, looking down. For once, she stopped smiling. "I know that maybe I'll die an old maid because no one will take me up on my offers. But if it's so... so be it!" Again, she sighed, lifting her head back up and forcing herself to smile. "But at least, I'll be honest with my feelings. Dad always says you should play for everything or nothing. I don't want to half-live my life."

"I'm sure you'll find someone who is willing to have you and two or three other pretty girls at once, someday..." he tried to laugh to make her feel better, despite the knife he felt sinking red hot into his heart.

"Thank you. That's very kind. I hope you find the actually good, sensible girl you need, too..."

"Don't say that! You're good and sensible, too! It's just you're... different..."

She blinked. "You're the first person ever to say that." A beat. "You're a horrible judge of character!"

"Am not!"

She was about to protest, but then groaned and shook her head. "Please go. Before I really, really like you, too."

"Haruna-san...?"

"And before I start having these thoughts about you with Sensei and Yuecchi and Nodoka and me, and... AHHH, IT'S STARTING! Ooooh, that's a damn good mental image...! I could use it for a doujin!"

Rito's face twitched. "Haruna, you're scaring me!"

Slowly, Haruna grinned, a small glint in her eyes. "Rito-kun..."

"Yes?"

"You still haven't gone, have you?"

"Ummm, no... Should I...?"

"Why haven't you gone? Maybe you like hearing me talking about how bi I am, and about my hot friends?"

"Of course not! I was just trying to make you feel better about it!"

She didn't relent. "But you still like me, don't you? You told me so!"

"What does that gotta with...? You were the one saying it wouldn't work!"

"I know! I'm just frustrated it can't work!"

Rito cringed. Women could be so damn scary at times...

"I'd like you to be my boyfriend..." she said.

Rito went stark white from head to toes.

"But I know you can't accept my kinks, and I shouldn't force them on you. You're too nice a guy for that," she said. "So please go. Before you make me like you any more."

"But—"

"DAMMIT, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH RESTRAINT IS THIS TAKING FROM ME? Just so I don't hurt your feelings? I don't DO restraint! I totally suck at it!"

But he didn't move away. "Haruna..."

"I'm warning you," she hissed. "If you don't go away in five seconds, I'll take it as a sign you're just bullshitting me with that 'I'm a monogamous traditional guy who can't have a girlfriend willing to have sex with lots of other girls with me' attitude, and you wouldn't mind sharing me over losing me..."

"Y-YOU CAN'T MAKE THOSE KINDS OF DEMANDS ON PEOPLE!"

"Five..."

He found, to his horror, that his feet still wouldn't move. "THINK OF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!"

"Three..."

"WH-WHAT HAPPENED TO FOUR?-!"

"That's an unlucky number. Two..."

"I'M NOT READY YET TO MAKE THAT KIND OF DECISION!"

"One..."

"SOMEONE HELP ME!"

"Zero." She flashed a winning, perverse grin, and then jumped up to wrap him in a tight embrace, pulling him against her body, and landing a fierce, needful, demanding kiss on his lips.

Act 15: Hakase and Sakurako.

Sakurako smiled as brightly as a Spring morning as she walked hand in hand with Hakase, strolling through the deserted campus at sunset. She was feeling really good... lucky, even... again. As for the other girl, while she still had her doubts, she also tried to tell herself that it was for the best.

Chisame would understand. She would even prefer it that way. Sakurako was right, it made no sense to pursue a relationship that could not be fully reciprocated was just an overly-romantic, lousy idea.

After all, she didn't doromantic!

And yet...

"Satomi-chan..."

"Yes?"

"I've been thinking... If we're really going to be serious about this... Maybe we should try learning more about each other's interests a bit more. I mean, liking the taste of each other's lips is great, but we can't build a relationship based only on that..."

"I suppose you are right. Actually, I'd like to try karaoke again. I think I'd feel more at ease with it now," Hakase mused vaguely.

Sakurako's eyes shone. "Oh, yes! That'd be great! And I can start getting into that astrophysics thing, too!"

"Actually, my interests lean more towards aerodynamics and robotics," Satomi confessed.

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"Hm, no."

"Oops! Dumb me!" Sakurako bumped a fist on her own head, giggling. "Guess I'll have to start from scratch, huh?"

"You don't need to force yourself into a particular field of studies," Hakase pondered. "Although you once told me you like cats, didn't you? Perhaps you could be interested on Zoology..."

"Is that the study of animals? Oh, yes! I like animals of all kinds! Except the icky, slimy ones, that is. Never could stand those..."

Then something made a strange whooshing sound as it passed through the nearby bushes.

"What was that?" Shiina stopped abruptly.

"What what?" Hakase, always the clueless one, blinked several times.

Sakurako hugged her right arm, focusing her now dubious eyes on the concealing plants. "I think I saw something moving there... Something big and—"

Then it jumped out, tackling her and violently pushing her down and away from Hakase. "SAKURAKO!" the other girl cried.

"Aiiiieeee!" the cheerleader screamed as the... amorphous watery thing pushed her against a tree trunk, immobilizing her in a second and starting to burn through her clothes, feeling like scalding water all over her skin. "Satomi-chan!"

The first thought that passed through Hakase's mind was the Biology team really had to be more careful with their experiments.

Then she remembered that no, that creature didn't match any of their test subjects. Instead, it perhaps was one of those 'Orphan' beings Negi-sensei and Chisame had warned her about. Apparently, they randomly attacked students at solitary and distant areas. How could she have forgotten it? Well, she had to admit it herself, she had quite a bad memory. Regardless, maybe she could capture that creature alive and study on it? It seemed mineral, but it acted like a rabid animal. If she could learn its secrets, that'd teach those Biology upperclassmen one thing or two!

A smile slowly made its way up her lips...

"SATOMI-CHAN!"

Wait, there was no time for basking in projects and future glories. Sakurako was in danger! And her bra was showing... disappearing now…Why, she had quite perky breasts... Maybe it'd pay to visit the domrmitory baths more often, to see if...

"SATOMI-CHAN!"

"Hold on, Sakurako! I'll save you!" Heroically, Hakase pushed a hand into her omnipresent open lab coat and looked for... "Wait, where's the ray gun? Oh, yeah, I remember. Shizuna-sensei—"

One Week Before:

"And so, until you get a license for it, we're taking this away, young lady! I'm sorry, but it's necessary at this point!"

"But no one even lost any limbs or vital organs!"

Hakase pouted. "Maaaaa, some people just doesn't understand the needs of advanced in-site research..."

"SAAAATOMI-CHAAAAAAN!"

Poor Shiina was down to her shoes, socks and panties, and while Hakase might have appreciated the sight under other circumstances, the distress– not quite fear yet– in her sorta-quasi-semi-girlfriend's face was not only a complete libido-killer (okay, not a completelibido killer, because it was certainly very hot and sexy and had one of the least rational parts of her crying in joy as some of her night-time dream scenarios, the ones that seemed Haruna and Chamo approved. Were being fulfilled right in front of her, now if they could just get rid of the slime monster so they could re-enact the rest of those dreams…), but also something that finally could spur her into action.

Not even Chachamaru could arrive in time, and all her usual personal arms had been confiscated. Oh, if only she had magical powers and an Artifact like Chisame or Negi-sen—

Oh. Wait.

Hakase drew in a deep breath, pulling out the Pactio card.

I'm sorry, Negi-sensei... and Chisame-chan, she solemnly thought. But historical and literary precedent says that rescuing a maiden from a monster dramatically increases the probability of vigorous, possibility erotic, thanks. And I'm realizing I'm only human. I WILL get lucky! And no one is luckier than Sakurako-chan!

Holding it up, she spoke loud and clear, with renewed determination.

"Adeat!"

Act 16: Ayaka and Siesta.

The main kitchen of the Yukihiro Manor:

Siesta stared in utter horror at the bottle she had just unwrapped. She read the label again just to be sure, and then gasped aloud, her face pale. Though the intense blush on her cheeks provided an interesting contrast. It had to be a mistake. That wasn't the "Be Lucky for a Day" potion, it was the "Make Everyone Fall in Lust with you for a Day" one.

Okay, so looking at it from a certain angle, it was also a "Be Lucky for a Day" potion. But definitely not the one she had been hoping for.

Her eyes became swirls as she tried to make sense of it. Was Lady Sevensheep trying to tell her the mistress needed to get laid? No, Lady Sevensheep would never imply such a rude thing, even if Siesta, at times, believed it was completely true. Surely there had been a mix-up at the delivery, or at Urahara-sama's shop. Yes, that had to be it.

All she had to do was hide the bottle, then return it the next day...

Or maybe drink it, then find a way to be alone with Saito-kun all day long...

Then she felt someone standing right behind her. "Siesta-san?"

"KYAH!" the maid shrieked, almost dropping the bottle. She spun around to find herself face to face with Ayaka. "O-O-Ojou-sama! Whu-What can I do for you?"

"I only came to see if dinner was ready," Ayaka said, seemingly still in a bad mood. "Where's everyone else?"

"Uh, Fubuki-san, Roberta and Fabiola said they had detected movements near the Northern side and just went out to check it out. They should be back shortly. Taeko-chan is still at her college classes..." she fidgeted, her fingers absently tapping on the bottle. "I-I'll have your dinner ready right now, Ojou-sama."

"Oh, very well," the millionaire approved. "Siesta-san, what does that bottle hold?"

"Ah? This?" she meeped helplessly.

"Yes, obviously," the rich young girl eyed the label, then frowned when Siesta turned it around. "Siesta-san, why won't you allow me read it?"

"M-M-Me? I... I'd never dream of prohibiting you anything, Ojou-sama!"

"Good. Then let me see that label," she said evenly.

"But... But it's in my homeland's language. You won't understand..."

Ayaka looked at her now sweating face, feeling a hint of distrust for her for the first time ever. "It doesn't matter. I still would like to see it."

Siesta repressed her urges to whimper as she held up the bottle. Ayaka took it into her own hands and read the label. She was a well read and learned person, and she was no stranger to foreign languages. The writing on that bottle seemed to be a heavily bastardized Latin, with overly stylistic font.

"'Love... Paradise...'?" she guessed. "Get... You... True Love... or... Rational?... no, no, 'Reasonable'... Facsimile?"

She shot Siesta an annoyed glare. "What manner of joke is this?"

"I-It's no joke, Ojou-sama! It's just... something an... old friend of mine sent me from home! B-B-But I was expecting something else!"

Ayaka eyed the bottle again, scowling. "Some sort of supposed love potion? Siesta-san, I know you come from a humble rural background, but you shouldn't believe in superstitions like this! Trying to gain Hiraga-san's heart through this underhanded way isn't something a lady should do!"

The maid grew terrified. "TH-THAT WASN'T MY INTENTION!"

Ayaka huffed, handing her the bottle back. "The only thing you could get from this is a stomach ache. Tell whoever sent it to stop sending this junk to my house."

"Y-Yes, of course, Ojou-sama!"

The blonde huffed, then thought of something. "On second thought, give it to me. I will dispose of it properly."

"N-NO! I mean, I promise I'll throw it away!" the maid quickly uncorked it, then began to spill the liquid down the drain. "See? I'm already doing it!"

"S-Stop!" Ayaka gasped, pulling the bottle back before its whole contents were wasted. Then she blushed and rasped, attempting to look dignified again. "What I mean is, uh, you should save it and send it back to that person. It'd be rude to... ahh... just dispose of it like that. Keep it in your room, then mail it back tomorrow, okay?"

"O-Okay..."

"Good!" Ayaka smiled.

Siesta smiled back. "But if you want it to win Negi-sensei's heart, you can keep it! Just let me advice you on its use..."

"D-DON'T SAY SUCH NONSENSE! I'D NEVER DO SUCH A THING!"

"Extremely sorry here, Ojou-sama! Extremely sorry!-!"

Ayaka calmed back down. "By the way, Siesta-san..."

"Yes...?"

"Come to think about it, you've never told me your exact place of birth, have you? I know Father hired you at Europe, but they don't talk in Latin anywhere anymore, much less such a broken, sorry Latin..."

"Th-That wasn't my language, actually! Just... Just pretentious writing they put on the bottle, no doubt! You know how bootlegs can get..."

"I've never used anything bootleg in my life, so no, I don't."

"Ah, right. Forgive me. Anyway, I come from... France!"

"Funny, Siesta isn't a French name..."

"M-My mother was Spanish!"

"Your mother named you Siesta, then? Did you know 'Siesta' means 'Nap' in Spanish?"

"M-Mo-Mom had a weird sense of humor!"

"And you don't have any hint of a French accent. Or a Spanish one."

"I have... I have studied Japanese hard to erase any hints of my accent!"

Finally, Ayaka seemed to buy that excuse. "I understand. Well, then, do you think you could have my dinner ready before the others return?"

"Naturally, Ojou-sama!"

"Very good. I'll be waiting," she walked out of the kitchen.

Siesta exhaled a sigh of relief.

Ayaka, on the other hand, frowned to herself as she kept on walking. She was going to discover what was being hidden from her, no doubts about that!

Act 17: Haruna and Rito again.

Haruna smiled as she finally pulled her mouth away from Rito's, a thin line of drool linking them until it fell and broke.

"H-H-H-H-H-HARUNA-CHAN!" the boy sputtered, frozen in place.

"That's the way I want to hear my name from now on. Well, except for all the stammering," she poked him in the nose. "Got it?"

"But this is... too sudden!" he squeaked like a mouse in a trap. "Too fast!"

"Ahhh, I like living fast..." she purred, shamelessly leaning against his chest. Strong thick clouds of smoke blew up from Rito's ears.

"W-W-What will your family say?-!-?"

"Dad will say 'Is he strong'? And I'll answer 'No'. Mom will ask, 'Is he rich?' and I'll answer, 'Hell, no!' Then they'll complain about how I never fulfill their expectations, and that'll be all," she simply said.

Rito sighed. "Everything seems to be so easy for you..."

Haruna held upa finger and lectured, "Life is easy as long as you know how to adapt to each outcome. Rito-kun, if you really feel something for me, why not to give it a shot, at least? Do you want to keep wondering forever 'What if I had tried dating the hot bi girl willing to give me a chance'?"

"W-well.. When you put it that way... But..."

Haruna scowled at him. "Rito."

"Y-Yes?"

"Man up!"

"Y-Yes, Ma'am!"

"Good!" She dusted his shoulders off grandly. "You gotta stop worrying about everything so much and take chances at life! Although you're safe betting on me..."

He had to smile at her blustering, yet actually caring, attitude. "S-Sorry if I looked like I was doubting you..."

"Can't you say two sentences without stuttering at the start?"

"Of course I can!"

She smiled again. "Great! See? That's the drive! Just leave everything to me. When I met Nodoka and Yue, they could barely string two straight words to anyone else, and now... well, they still have a way to go, but... Nodoka doesn't faint in front of men anymore, and Yue can actually talk about topics beyond philosophy and foreign juices."She paused. "That's not what it sounds, despite everything I've tried."

"You can help me stop fainting in front of women?" he asked with wonder.

Haruna looked a bit concerned now. "Wait, you do that?"

He scratched the back of his neck. "Well, there are two girls at my class who are... kind of hard to keep up with..."

"Teasers?"

"With... With everyone, actually! Not just with me!"

Her glasses shone. "If you want, I can... talkto them. To see if... I can have them ease up on you, and vice versa..."

He wondered briefly if this relationship thing was actually such a good idea after all, but his doubts, along with most of his mind, melted when she wrapped an arm around his left one, pulling him along. "Well? If we're going to date, you should take me back home like all lovers do!"

"Lovers!" he eeped.

Haruna giggled. He was so cute when he was extremely flustered like that. Kinda reminded her of Negi-sensei and Nodoka, in all fairness.

She began to lead him back to the dorms, thinking this had good potential, after all.

For both of them.

Interlude: Sailor V

From the angle she was being held at, Akira couldn't see a lot of what was happening to Ami-san, but her sudden shrill cry of pain told her everything she needed to know. "Let her go, you... you monster! Maniac!" she screamed, pulling her arms with strength she didn't know she had, almost breaking her watery bonds. Almost.

The mermaid looked at the glowing, small silvery thing now between her clawed hands, her face betraying disappointment. "... No. And I was almost sure it was her, too." She tossed the beautiful, pristine light into the air, and it made its way back into a slumped, unconscious Ami's chest much to everyone's shock, passing through it and into her without leaving any marks. "I'll feed you to my Orphans later, but first, the true Senshi must be found."

She slithered over to Shirley's side, the British girl attempting to bite through the semi-liquid substance covering her mouth, despite the tears in her eyes telling of her panic. "Perhaps you? Your heart is foolishly noble, even if your wits are scarce. I'd say that's the sign of a true hero. Let us see."

"Don't do it!" Akira tried to command, but it came out as a desperate begging, almost a loud whimper.

If the person she once knew as Ichinose Tamao heard her, she gave no sign of it. She only pressed her hand forcefully over Fenette's chest, squeezing it tightly, beginning to literally rip out the inner core of her self...

And then, a beam of light pierced through the hand, making her yowl and yank it away from her victim. Shirley moaned with a long pained tone and her head drooped down, closing her eyes and surrendering to unconsciousness.

Akira looked up at the direction the beam had just come from, and gasped.

The stories were true. The tabloids were right after all.

It had to be her. Sailor V.

Act 18: Ku Fei.

"Yuuki Saibai? Your father is THE Yuuki Saibai?-!" Haruna squealed excitedly as they finally came to a stop in front of her dorm. "The author of 'Magical Kyouko'?-!"

"Well, yeah..." Rito blushed again, rubbing the back of his neck. They had started talking about their parents on their way there, and while Rito had never thought his parents were normal at all, what little he had heard about Haruna's told him he had absolutely nothing to worry about in that regard. "He's no Akamatsu Ken, but I guess he has his fanbase..."

"You kidding?-! I'm a diehard fan! His art style is so bold and dynamic! His characters are so sexy, jumping right off the page!" Haruna gushed. "And he only takes weekly breaks like once a month!"

"Yeah, it happens everywhere nowadays, doesn't it? Shonen Weekly Blast Magazine is kinda starting to think of reconsidering its name..." he admitted.

"It is? Oooooh! Inside scoop!" The girl's eyes sparkled. "And your mom! Your mom is THE Yuuki Ringo, the fashion designer! Man, you must be swimming in dough! My mom will flip out!"

"Ehhhh! Actually, Dad doesn't make that much money, and Mom... well... she isn't big on spending, you know," he said, rather uneasily. "So we never had exactly a millionaire's lifestyle."

"What a coincidence! My mom is a huge miser too!" She slapped his shoulders in a way more fitting an old pal than a new girlfriend. "We actually have far more in common than I thought! I feel more and more confident about this now!"

He only wished he could share her optimism. But looking at that huge smile, it was impossible to argue...

Then the dorm's front door flew open, and out peeked a dark- skinned blonde girl with eyes like emeralds. "Haruna? Oh, you came right on time-aru! I was about to go to Chao's for dinner!"

Then she noticed the now stiff and gulping boy's presence, and looked back and forth between him and Haruna. "Is he bothering you, or are you bothering him?" she asked, cracking her fists just in case. Either case. Rito let out a girlish yelp.

"Ah, Ku-chan!" Saotome laughed. "You're wrong on both counts! Let me introduce you to Yuuki Rito-kun!" she proudly announced, "My first boyfriend!"

Ku stared stupidly. "Your 'first' one?"

"You know I follow the teachings of Yamada-sensei!" Haruna reminded her.

Rito tried to remember where he had heard that name. "... Wait. Wasn't that the woman who wrote a book on how she got one hundred... you know..."

Again, Haruna laughed it off. "Yeah, I'll lend you the book later! Rito-kun, this is my roommate, Ku Fei!"

The blonde girl hopped easily, landing right in front of Rito with all the grace of an acrobat, startling him. She gave him a catlike smile. "Nihao! I'm glad Haruna finally got what she needed! Maybe she'll now finally stop feeling me up in sleep!"

"Ehhhhh..." Rito babbled.

The bespectacled girl feigned innocence. "I don't remember ever doing such a thing..."

"Maybe because I hit your head after it," Ku said. She smiled again at Rito, and shook his hand with maybe a wee bit too much of a huge crapton of strength. "I hope both of you get to be very happy! If you need help, tell me. You keep Haruna out of my boobs in return, okay?"

"AIE!" Rito could only squeal as his hand made loud crunching sounds from the inside.

"Ku-chan, you're squeezing him too hard..." Haruna told her.

The foreign girl blinked before letting his now flaccid hand go. "Oops. Sorry. Sometimes I forget controlling that." She whispered to Haruna, "Won't your Dad not like him? You know he not approve of weaklings..."

"I'll handle Daddy..." Haruna whispered back, before smirking once more at Yuuki. "Ne, ne, Rito-kun, what if we eat at Chao's together?"

"Huh?" he briefly stopped trying to massage his hand's bones back into shape. "Well, my sister must be preparing dinner, but I suppose I can call her and tell her I'll eat outside tonight..."

A few minutes later at the small Yuuki household, Mikan tightened her hands around the phone, a small twitching running all over her body.

Nao lazily looked up from her Nintendo DS and her Negima!: Chou Mahora Taisen Kattoiin, Keiyaku Shikkou Dechai masuu game. "Why so gloomy? Got a call from Rito?"

"He... is with a girl..."

"Ah. Has she landed him in the hospital yet?"

"They... are on a date..."

Nao for once lost her careless attitude, replaced by an expression of pure disbelief. "No way! Look out the window! The skies must be red! Damn, that stupid Yukariko nun was right! The end of times are here! Crap, I'm going to die a virgin"

Mikan clenched her small white teeth. "The woman is... Saotome Haruna..."

Nao was silenced for a moment followed by a loud whistling. "Whooooo, they weren't joking about her! She'd REALLY go out with anyone!"

Mikan made a sound very unfitting a girl of her tender age. "Shouldn't you be dating one of your creepy old men right now?"

Act 19: Hakase and Sakurako again.

Sakurako blinked several times in rapid succession fashion, then kept her eyes perfectly and fully open, as much as she could. The blob monster pinning her against the tree was half-blocking her line of sight, so, with a grunt of annoyance, she pushed its head down to get a better view.

Ah, and what a view! Satomi-chan was spinning in midair with a grace she had never possessed before, her clothes vanishing right off her skin, leaving her in the buff for only a glorious picosecond before rearranging themselves in a not too glamorous but oddly sexy ensemble of tight shorts, chest hugging black top, long white coat, and, well, a quartet of metal arms attached to a backpack of sorts.

"Satomi-chaaaaaan!" the cheerleader squeed. Is 'squeed' any sort of proper verbal form? Is 'Squee' even acceptable as a verb? Eh, who cares. I've just given you free nudity, I can ignore the grammar rules of common men!

Regardless, Hakase stood proudly, aiming a finger and a metal arm at the monster. "Hideous, biologically incorrect and scientifically impossible creature! Unhand the object of my affections immediately, then surrender yourself to the Power of Science!"

"Satomi-chan, you're a real Mahou Shoujo!" Sakurako looked extremely radiant for someone naked under the grip of a viscous monstrosity.

The genius pushed her glasses up. "I prefer the term 'Practical Researcher of Unknown Power Sources', but Mahou Shoujo will suffice as well."

The 'Orphan' made a confused sound, twisting its amorphous head aside. It seemed to be looking at Hakase now, although it was hard to say for sure, with it lacking eyes and such. Rather quickly, in any case, it dropped Sakurako, sludging towards this strange new source of magical power. With a confident smirk, the black haired girl assumed a clumsy defensive position.

"Ouchie..." Sakurako rubbed her bare butt, still aching over the rough dropping, then sprang up to her feet, covering her privates with her hands. "Satomi-chan, look out!"

"Trust me, Sakurako-chan! I've seen Ku and Chao sparring! More than twice, even! And I watched a martial arts movie with Chisame and Negi-sensei the other day, too!"

Sakurako pouted. "You never watch movies with me..."

"Why don't you come with us tomorrow night? Haruna told me she'd give me a movie all four of us should watch together. Something called 'My First Sax Teacher', or something like that..."

Right then, however, the monster finally attacked, lunging forward. Hakase rushed at it as well, swinging a Megaton Punch at it, splattering it all over the place, only to grimace a moment later when she saw it quickly reforming itself, apparently none the worse for wear. "Oh. Well. I suppose I should have expected this..."

The 'Orphan' jumped at her again, but Hakase jumped aside in the nick of time. Quickly, her genius intellect began to analyze options to defeat an enemy who couldn't be beaten through mere brute force.

Scream like a schoolgirl and run.

Well, she WAS a schoolgirl, but while possibly a reasonable way to reach safety, it wouldn't put her any closer to dispatch and capture the being. Plus, she'd 'lose face' before Sakurako.

Laser gun to the—

No, wait. That intellectually challenged Shizuna-sensei...

Installing a complex trap taking advantage of its aquous nature to channel a high-voltage electric charge through it, rendering it inert but hopefully still useful for study.

That was a great idea, certainly worthy of her, but she doubted Monster-san would be willing to wait still for its implementation.

Maybe she needed to combine aspects of the former plans into a single, viable new approach.

Grab Sakurako, scream like a schoolgirl, run, then call on someone who could channel a high-voltage electric charge through it, rendering it inert but hopefully still useful for study.

Eureka! But she didn't know anyone who could channel such a high-voltage charge. She knew she should have convinced Chao to let her install that function in Chachamaru...

Oh, no, wait, scratch that. Chisame and her scepter!

After barely dodging more of the monster's strikes, Satomi dashed for Sakurako and picked her up in her huge metallic arms. Shiina blushed as she was pressed against Hakase's nearly flat chest. "Satomi-chan...!"

"Scream like a schoolgirl, Sakurako-chan!" Hakase asked.

"Ehhh? Why...? I feel so safe with you here..."

"Just do it! It's all part of the plan!"

"Well, if you insist... EEEEEEK!" she tossed her arms up.

"EEEEEK!" the other girl screamed as well, beginning a mad run out of the place, with the 'Orphan' hot on their trail.

"You know, this is kinda fun!" Sakurako wheezed. "Exciting!"

"Isn't it?" Hakase had to agree. "Maybe I could take a few of the Biology Research Club's experiments on loan for our next date..."

Act 20: Haruhi

"Well then!" Suzumiya Haruhi said with a wide smile as she left Madoka at her dorm's doorstep. "Starting the first day of the next term, you'll be the SOS Brigade's newest intern! Spreading the word in the meanwhile is strongly suggested! You may even call it the Gospel if you want," she said, nonstop, pulling a pamphlet out and pushing it into Kugimiya's hands, "We don't believe in false modesty..."

"Um, well, I'm honored, but—"Madoka began.

Haruhi's smirk was very foxlike now. "I'm sure Kyon will love having you there."

"Ah, ha ha," she stifled. "No way..."

"He often talks about you, you know."

"R-Really? I mean, really?"

"Yeah!" Actually, it had been only twice or thrice, but by Kyon's standards, that was a freaking lot of often with a cherry on top. She nudged Madoka's ribs with an elbow, cagily. "C'mon, girl, learn to recognize chances when life hands them to you..."

"But... But I thought... Kyon-sempai... ah..."

"That he liked Mikuru-chan?"

"Ahhhhh..."

"Because Mikuru-chan is mine."

Madoka's eyes became blank squares, her mouth half hanging. "Ah. Ah, I see..."

"Ah ha ha ha!" Haruhi-sempai laughed again. "Well, it's been a blast, but I gotta go now, Kugimin! We're making... preparations. My class already settled on a trip destination; I convinced everyone to visit Tomobiki. I'll make sure to bring you an alien souvenir or two. What about you guys?"

"Well, I... I think we'll be visiting Kyoto..."

"Kyoto! Not too interesting, but you might run into some ghosts there. Keep me informed on it! And on any signs you see of the aliens and the fish people! Bye!" She waved before running away without any care in the freaking world.

Madoka stared helplessly before shaking her head and walking in. What had she just walked into, or rather, been pushed into?

On the other hand, she could spend more time with Kyon-sempai now. And Haruhi-sempai apparently didn't have any interest in him after all! Looked like she even supported them. Maybe she wasn't such a bad person after all. Kazumi's reports used to be greatly exaggerated, in any case.

And it wasn't like her cheering club friends were spending that much time with her lately...

"Hey!" Misa said from the couch she lay on, flipping through a fashion magazine. Yuuki Ringo's new designs were just fascinating. "You're late! Where had you been?"

"Window shopping," Madoka lied. She'd tell her later.

"Oh, you should have called me. I've still got some allowance money left. There's Teriyaki at the kitchen, by the way."

"Thank you. Where's Sakurako?"

"I think she's on a date with the Prof, or something. I wanted to go cheer her on, but she told me it was really important it be just the two of them..." Misa giggled. "Oh, Sakurako-chan, you're thiiiiiis close to sealing the deal!"

"Good for her, yeah," Madoka walked into the kitchen, wondering why, even so, she felt like something was horribly wrong.

As Haruhi was reaching the doorstep of her own dorm, she stopped and smiled again. "I can tell you're there, Itsuki-kun. Come out!"

The tall, handsome boy stepped out from behind a nearby streetlamp, casually, not giving any impression he had actually been hiding. Any casual observer would have believed he was only passing by. "My, my, you're far too sharp, Haruhi-chan! So, how did your day go?"

"I got Kugimin, if that's what you mean," she shrugged. "Piece of cake. She may act no-nonsense, but in the end, everyone in that class only needs the slightest push!"

"That's good!" He sounded very pleasant and kind, but then his tone gained the barest hint of remote uneasiness. "Unless it isn't, of course!"

"Trust me! You got me because there's no one better at keep Kyon amused, didn't you? And I can tell he wants this. Kugimin will be a good influence on him."

"And God knows he needs one of those around..." Itsuki Koizumi gently ribbed.

"What can I say? Every act demands for a boring straight man. That's a prime rule of show business, Itsuki-kun! It can't be all thrills all the time. Kyon also can get bored if it's all excitement, all the time. Every rollercoaster needs its ups and downs. Besides, god apparently doesn'tknow he needs one around, or else I wouldn't need to arrange one for him."

He nodded. "Yes, that's our director, all right. Always thinking of everything! Unless you only did so because he unconsciously willed it so, and that we actually have no free will, and are merely all manifestations of his unconscious urges…"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, can the philosophy. I don't believe he's actually god, or else he wouldn't buy that bullshit story we fed him about me being god. Probably just an amnesiac genie scientist from a highly advance genie civilization or perhaps a dimensionally displaced being from the 5thdimension and his real name is 'Kynn'. I tell you, if we ever get him to say 'Nnyk', he'll be sent back there… so DON'T! Life would be boring otherwise." She turned around back for the door. "By the way, Itsuki-kun..."

"Yes?"

She reached up with a hand, softly lowering a bit of the shoulder of her shirt down, baring a fair-skinned area of skin, and teasing him with a tantalizing glimpse of white bra. "I'm rather bored today, myself. Won't you walk in and entertain me a few hours, too?" she teased, her voice low.

Koizumi blinked, his almost always unfazable eyes briefly betraying a diminutive sparkle of conflicting feelings.

Everyone would always comment how he always seemed to be all over Kyon, yet he invariably was far too fast to please every last one of Haruhi's whims.

This time, it wouldn't be different.

Regaining his smile, he walked in after her, closing the door behind him.

Act 21: Hakase again.

"Satomi-chan..." Sakurako said as she was carried in her semi-girlfriend's extra arms, Hakase's lab coat now wrapped around her nude body to preserve her modesty.

"Yes, Sakurako?" Hakase asked, never slowing in her running. Apparently they had left the 'Orphan' quite behind, but from Negi-sensei's stories, she had learned those beasts could strike from the most unexpected places and at the most unexpected times.

"You know, for someone with bad P.E. grades carrying a giant metal backpack and me, you are running fast as heck...!"

"Oh, that," the other girl said. "The Pactio boosts my physical stats to nearly superhuman levels. I'm still testing their limits, but it's difficult to get a precise gauge on them..."

"What's a Pactio?" Sakurako asked.

"Well, you'll see..." she answered while ducking behind a statue with her, pulling the card back out. "This is the proof of my Pactio, a Provisional Alliance with Negi-sensei..."

"Negi-sensei!" the cheerleader marveled.

"Um... Yes. He..." Hakase sighed and decided there was no point in keeping it hidden from her anymore. And she just couldn't lie to that oh so cute face, and those extremely shiny large eyes... not to mention the large swathes of naked flesh showing from under the lab coat. "Negi-sensei is a user of unknown powers I haven't been able to categorize yet, okay?" she whispered.

"... A what?"

"... A mage," Satomi admitted defeat.

"A mage!" Sakurako cooed aloud. "No way, no way, no way! Oh, that's so—!"

"Shhhh, please!" Hakase gestured for her to calm down, then shuddered at the new and alien feeling of being the voice of reason. Was this how Chisame felt all the time? No one she was always stressed!"The creature might hear you. And besides, Sensei's condition is supposed to be a secret. If someone learns about it, he'll be transformed into a lowly, probably perverted and undergarment stealing, Welsh ermine."

"Oh, no. That'd be bad."

"Most definitely, yes," Hakase said, fully realizing that supreme intelligence was not one of the reasons why she liked Shiina.

"But luckily, only you, and now me, know it, right?"

Hakase opened her mouth to express a 'Well, no, but...' followed by an eloquent, convincing rebuttal. But she ended up just hanging her head down and saying, "Me, Chisame, Kasuga-san, Asuna-san and Misa-san all know."

A drop of sweat hovered over Sakurako's head. "Maybe it's me, but that doesn't exactly sound like a secret anymore. Wait. Misa-chan? Both you and Misa-chan were keeping this from me? Satomi-chan, how could you?"

"I'm sorry! I had promised to keep it hidden from everyone, and so did Misa-san! We tried to convince the others to let you in too, but... we hadn't reached a consensus yet..."

Sakurako pouted, but like always, her bad mood was quick to subside. "Okay. A good friend must know how to keep secrets and promises, so I'll forgive you." She examined the card carefully. "Ahhh, it's so cute...! How did you get it?"

"I told you already, through my Pactio."

"And how was that 'Pactio' done?"

"Negi-sensei and I established direct physical contact through our mouths."

"You kissed?-!"

"Keep your voice down, I beg you! We did it before I even knew you had feelings for me..."

"... You 'did it'?"

Hakase, for once, suspected of some sort of double meaning behind the appalled question. "I mean, we did kiss," she explained.

"Oh!" Sakurako sighed with relief. "Then, all the other girls..."

"Yes, they kissed him as well."

Shiina scowled. "Then I'm not sure why Misa-chan always complains she hasn't gone far enough with him... Wait, it's Misa-chan. Silly me. Obviously she wants to go all the way.."

"Ah?"

"Never , what will we do about this monster?"

Hakase breathed in and pressed the card against her own forehead. "I'll call Chisame. She'll know what to do."

"Are you going to call her with... that?"

"Uh-huh."

"Shouldn't you buy yourselves cellphones instead? Or, knowing you, some kind of James Bond communicator/taser/Viagra dispenser?"

"What can I say? Sensei actually favors this type of communication. He's far too much of a traditionalist..."

Act 22: Mikan

The sun had already set by the time Yuuki Rito made it to his dorm, with a satisfied, dreamy smile on his face.

"Good evening!" Nao waved carelessly from where she sat, now watching Jackie Chan and The Son of El Santo vs. the Mutant Biker Mice from Martian Hell on TV and eating nachos. "So, how did that date go?"

For a few moments, Rito said nothing, and Nao thought he had been rejected yet again. But then he made a slow, wide and goofy, definitely shit-eating, grin. "She agreed!"

"Oh, so you already had sex?" Nao asked casually.

Rito fell on his face, then sprang up completely crimson, sprouting stupid looking sharp teeth, like a visual gag in a comic. "O-O-OF COURSE NOT! She only agreed to be m-my girlfriend!"

"Oh, poo!" his cousin made a disappointed pout. "When are those nephews coming? I'm growing old waiting!" she mocked.

"Welcome back, Rito," Mikan sighed, stepping out of the kitchen. "I know you already ate, but I left some riceballs in case you're still hungry..."

"Ah, thanks, Mikan-chan, but I'm full," he smiled at his sister, rubbing his stomach with a hand. Then he held up a bag of takeout. "As a matter of fact, I brought you some food that we couldn't eat. What do you say if we have it together tomorrow?"

Nao was already digging into the bag, pulling a nikkuman and munching on it. "Oh, still warm! I'm still hungry, you know. Man, this is good stuff..."

"Yeah..." Mikan nodded, her heart not really into it. "Satsuki-sempai is an excellent cook. The best one in the Academy..."

She sadly looked down at her hands, still holding a large spoon, and her Piyo-Piyo apron.

Rito gave her a concerned look. "Mikan-chan? You feeling okay?"

"Yeah. Why shouldn't I?" The girl turned around and began walking away. "I'll be in my room. If you need something, just knock."

Rito stood there staring on complete helplessness. "Nao..."

"Yeah?" she asked between mouthfuls.

"Did I... Did I do something wrong?"

"Nah," she waved a hand. "She's just going through the growing pains."

"What do you mean? "

She sighed, exasperated at the way men were such clueless idiots. "Look, just forget it and pass me one of those riceballs, will you?"

He did. "She's going through menstrual cramps already?"

Nao fell off the couch. So close and yet still so wrong…

Act 23: Nagi

Yukihiro Manor:

Ayaka reassured herself in her mind. Sneaking into Siesta-san's bedroom right after sending her out to buy groceries and asking the other maids to go clean the pool was not, in any way, shape or form, an undue action unfitting her position.

She was the mistress of the house, wasn't she? Yes, she was, no doubts about it. And as such, and as the sole heiress of the Yukihiro Zaibatsu, it was her duty to verify everything was okay concerning her employees.

She was sure Siesta-san was hiding something from her. Something highly important and shameful. At her own residence. Today's earlier incident with the bottle had confirmed it. Ayaka just had to know; not only was it her prerogative, but her duty as well!

Siesta-san's origins, now that she thought about it, were a mystery to everyone but Ayaka's father and Siesta herself. Why was that? What did they have to hide? All sorts of hideous theories buzzed through Ayaka's mind. Perhaps she had been Father's lover? Or a secret daughter? No, Father would never do such a thing.

Would he?

She had to know!

She had extra keys for all rooms in the Manor, naturally. It posed no problem for her to enter Siesta-san's humble room, locking the door behind herself. The bottle of the so-called 'love potion' rested on the nightstand, but Ayaka paid it no attention. Instead, her eyes fell on the cabinet set under it. It was locked. Far too heavily for something holding the belongings of a simple maid. And she had no keys for it.

She tried to think where would a simple person like Siesta-san keep those keys. She doubted she carried them with herself. It had to be an unimaginative, far too obvious place...

Ayaka looked under the lamp. No results. Under the carpets. Nothing there either. Behind the portrait of Hiragata Saito, Siesta-san's crush (excellent brushwork. Ayaka would need to get the name of the artist). Again, she was left empty handed.

Finally, she looked under the pillow.

Bingo.

Ayaka still doubted, now she had the keys in her hands. What she was about to do still struck her as dishonorable and underhanded. But she was sure Siesta-san wouldn't tell her if she just asked her about it. There was no going back.

Inhaling deeply, the heiress mentally begged for her maid's forgiveness, then opened the locks one after another.

What she saw in there made her gasp. There was a large picture of a tall, extremely handsome man with a charming, roguish smile. It seemed to be only a copy, but it still bore a few clearly visible words written at the bottom.

Nagi Springfield, while visiting Ariadne Academy. Year—

Almost fifteen years ago. Siesta-san had to be a child when that picture was taken.

Nagi.

Springfield.

Come to think of it, he looked an awful lot like an older Negi-sensei would. What the hell, in Asuna's simian terminology, was happening here?

There were a few other things, as well. Half a dozen of books in the same awful Latin, which seemed to be trashy romance novels, going by the print quality and the style of the pictures on the cover, even if the heroes and heroines sometimes had horns, weird ears or were some kind of furry. And letters. A veritable stash of letters. Many of them branded with official looking seals. A few unopened envelopes, even.

With trembling fingers, Ayaka reached for one of the letters and unfolded it. She yelped when, a second later, a hologram-like image of a young shapely girl with very dark brown skin, long blond hair and strange animal-looking ears, flashed up from the paper, talking to her very clearly.

"Siesta!" it said. "I hope you're doing well there, Siesta! I'd hate to learn you've been disappointing the trust all of us have put in you!"

Ayaka barely held down her urge to yell in confused panic.

Act 24: Chisame

Negi was brushing his teeth and Chisame had finally finished her page update when she felt the strange sensation of a Pactio card call. Groaning, she picked up her card and held it against her forehead. "Yeah? Is that you, Misora?"

Chisame! Hakase's voice ran in her head. I'm afraid we're in dire need for your assistance!

"We?" Hasegawa asked. "Oh, crap. Tell me, who are you with, and what happened?"

Negi walked quickly to her side. "Chisame-san? Something wrong?"

"It's Hakase," Chisame murmured. "Looks like she got herself into a jam."

Jam? No, it looks more like a creature composed of semi-solidified water. Still transparent and with unmistakable H2O properties. Certainly not a food product of any sorts...

Negi pulled out his copy of Satomi's card to join the telepathic conversation. "Satomi-san, are you okay?"

Yes, I am unhurt. Sakurako-chan is with me. I'm afraid she has learned about my condition as a magic user...

Chisame groaned, briefly biting her tongue. "I knew it! It was just a freakin' matter of time!"

Chamo approached with curiosity. "Is Sato-chi alright?"

Negi nodded, then asked, "Satomi-san, where are you?"

Mid-way between the dorms and the indoor pools. Hiding right behind the Himeno Fuji statue.

Chisame hummed. "Since when are you so knowledgeable about campus geography? You barely knew anything beyond this dorm, the main building, and your labs."

I had to memorize the whole campus to create the 3D map we use in the laboratory now. Could you come for us quickly, please? This creature is completely immune to the sort of physical attacks I can dispense with my Artifact...

"If she's in any danger, you can bring her here with the Card, Bro!" Chamo jumped up. "You can summon your Pactio partners right to your side at any moment as long as they aren't in a distance of more than—"

The boy looked at him. "Can I bring her along with someone else? Because right now, she's with Shiina-san..."

"Good Luck-chan? Hmmmm, no, it can't be done..." the ermine shook his head. "Teleportation only can function with your partner, and no one else."

"Then we'll have to go for them, right?" Chisame sighed. "Hang on there, Hakase! We'll be there immediately!"

Thank you, Chisame, Sensei! Hakase's voice sounded truly moved. I knew I could count on you!

At the place of the events itself, Sakurako couldn't help noticing Satomi's eyes had gone rather larger, and shining with sparkle and star effects in them. She began to think maybe she would have a harder time competing with them than she had believed at first...

Act 25: Akira yet again

She stood atthe ledge of one of the large windows, a white mask on the upper half of her face. She was nearly identical to the images seen in the merchandise; blonde and leggy, with very long golden hair, and a red ribbon on her head. Akira had never been really interested in superheroes or vigilantes, but she would have had to admit seeing one in the flesh for the first time ever was leaving a strong impression on her.

"Deceptive evil creature from the depths of depravity!" she spoke, in a loud, firm tone. "Hiding behind a false face, tricking those who would look up to you! Hellish minion of the dark powers, because of those unforgivable sins, Sailor V will punish you, in the name of—!"

The mermaid, after some initial shock, got understandably tired of waiting for the speech's conclusion. "GET HER!" she shouted, pointing up at the newcomer.

"Look out!" Nyamo-sensei shouted, rather unnecessarily, as the water 'Orphans' sprang up from the pool aiming for the mini-skirted agent of love and justice. She jumped easily over them, doing a pirouette in mid-air and landing feet first on Ichinose's face, sending her flying into the pool.

"HAH!" the heroine said, landing on her feet at the pool's edge. "Numbers mean nothing when they aren't backed by quality, fish face! These—"she twirled around, swinging a kick that split one of the monsters by half, "— brainless things—" she tossed something small and compact, which Akira guessed was some sort of... well, small compact mirror, by the looks of it... at another monster, reducing it to dust, "—are the kind of enemies I was beating by the dozen when I started this!" The compact returned to her hand like a boomerang, and she quickly used it to destroy another one of those beings.

Nyamo-sensei looked on with incredulity. "This is getting far too weird... Hey, girl!" she trashed around. "Can you free us, please?-!"

"I'm kinda busy here, you know!" the sailor suited soldier gritted her teeth while pulverizing the monster she had kicked first, by aiming a finger at it in a finger gun-like fashion, then shooting a single stream of burning light through it. "VENUS CRESCENT BEAM!"

As the monsters fell one by one, however, the pool's waters bubbled and boiled, and then the monstrous mermaid emerged from it, quickly reaching with her arms for Sailor V, grabbing her by surprise and dragging her down into the water with herself, before she could do anything but voice a yelp.

"SAILOR V-SAN!" Akira shouted, right before noticing Aino-san's white cat was nibbling at the watery goo covering her right ankle. The watery monster that goo was a part of reacted and pushed the cat away, but the animal already had managed to free Akira's leg, somehow. The swimmer kicked back at it, but only managed to get her foot stuck back into it. "It's useless! Try as I might, I just can't—"

"Yell 'Mercury Power, Make Up!'" a male voice told her.

She blinked. "What?"

"Who said that?" Nyamo looked all around.

"I'll bet it's one of those perverts who hide around to watch us changing and swimming..." Akira attempted to locate the source of the voice. "Those boys are the worst... and Honsho-san isn't much better…"

The monster holding her made a nodding motion and a gobbling sound of agreement. The fact it was clutching onto a pretty teenager it had just burned the clothes off didn't mean it was a pervert itself; it just was doing its job!

"Down here," the voice murmured dryly.

"Down where?" Akira asked.

"Down here, where the cat is!" the cat yelled at her.

The teacher and Akira stared blankly at the cat.

"The cat is talking," Ookuchi finally said, unable to think of something better.

"No, no it isn't," Nyamo shook her head stubbornly. "I'm just dreaming you just said that about a talking cat I'm dreaming about too. I've had this kind of dreams before; it's the typical one where you show up for classes naked, and then the viscous aliens with tentacles attack you, and—"

Akira made a disgusted face, even though she normally wasn't the type to do so. So, Yukari-sensei was right for once, after all. Nyamo-sensei was really in dire need of a man.

"Just say 'Mercury Power, Make Up!' already!" the cat, dream or not, insisted, hitting on his own head with his small paws.

Sailor V re-emerged, coughing water up as she struggled in the mermaid's grasp. "For the love of all that's holy, just listen to him! Or my ghost will haunt you forever! Blurgh!"

"Now they talk about ghosts, don't they..." Nyamo muttered. "As if something like a ghost could ever exist..."

Obligatory Random Break to Whatever Sayo is doing at the Moment:

The ghost shrieked and pressed a towel against her bare front. "DON'T LOOK!"

Kiri, who was bathing with her, nodded in approval. "Yes, you're getting the hang of it now... "

"AH! Kiri-chan! What are you…?AH! I'm feeling all tingly… down there…"

Act 26: Ayaka again

Siesta breathed deeply as she walked into her darkened room, beginning by loosening the tight neck of her maid outfit. Maybe she had spent far too long outside, as Fubuki-san had remarked, but it had been worth it since it had meant spending some more time with Saito-kun.

She reached over for the light switch, turned it on, and then her heart almost stopped.

Yukihiro Ayaka was sitting on the edge of her bed, sporting an unamused expression, and holding a large stack of books, envelopes and letters on her lap.

"O-O-Ojou-sama!" the servant stammered, considering herself dead. "What— Why are you—"

Ayaka only scowled, holding up the picture of Nagi-sama. "Who is this man, Siesta-san, and what is his relation to Negi-sensei? Is he his father? An uncle? And older brother?"

"Ojou-sama, please! I have no idea what you're—!"

"DON'T LIE TO ME, SIESTA!" the heiress raised her voice angrily. The maid squeaked and shrunk down like a frightened mouse, tears already coming to the corners of her eyes, and Ayaka lowered her voice again, trying to control herself. "Please, don't take me for an idiotjust because I'm blonde. This was among your belongings. You obviously know who this man is, or was. And you have met Negi-sensei as well. There's no way you couldn't have at least suspected a connection."

Siesta, defeated from the start, slumped her head down. "That man, Nagi Springfield-sama, was the father of Negi-sensei."

"Was?"

"No one has seen him in more than a decade," she answered. "That photo is from the last time he visited Ariadne Academy, the place my mother used to work at, and where I came to work at as well after her passing. I was only a child back then, and that was the only time I ever met him, from afar. Someone took the picture and handed it over to my mother as a memento. As for the date, we normally don't use your system of years, but since my family originally came from—"

Then she covered her mouth with her hands, realizing she had just said too much.

Ayaka frowned. "What is that? How come you use a different system of years?"

"N-Nothing. Forget it, I beg—"

"Does it have something to do with this?" she held one of the letters up. "Several girls have sent you missives like this. Missives with speaking messages, with lifelike images that literally spring from the page. Why? What kind of bizarre secrets have you been keeping from me?"

"I-I can't tell you!" Siesta panicked, sticking her back against a wall, too paralyzed to turn around and run like she wanted to. "They'll punish me, and my family too!"

"Who? The girls who sent these letters?" Ayaka pressured her. "I can help you, but not if you aren't honest with me, Siesta!"

"NO! N-Not them, I mean... They'd never do such a thing... and they don't have the authority to do it. They're my friends... Students at the Academy, who always treated me well. B-But my s-s-superiors..."

"What about your superiors?" Ayaka asked again. Now they were getting somewhere.

"I can't tell you about them, sorry. I might even endanger you as well. Yukihiro-sama himself prohibited it."

"Father? What does Father know about—"

"Your father is a highly knowledgeable man," Siesta dared to interrupt her. "Someone with so much power and so many connections just has to be. But I beg you, never tell him I told you this. The punishment for mages who betray the oath of secrecy is being turned into ermines, but civilians who do so... more so lowly servants like me... might even face a death penalty!"

She was all but crying in full force now, puzzling Ayaka even more. "Mages...?"

Siesta knew she had just dug her own grave, and the only thing left to do was to keep digging deeper. "I-I... I come from Mundus Magicus, a world apart from your own. A world on the edge of collapse, where several races other than humans coexist, many of them well versed in the arts of magic. Most Mundus Magicus inhabitants can't live at this world without undergoing a process of adaptation first, but since several of my ancestors hail from Earth, I was a prime candidate for the process."

"Why were you sent here?" the blonde questioned. "And why did my father consent to it?"

She was finding it all hard to believe, even after reading through the documents (or watching them as the case may be), but even if this was part of an elaborate hoax, she wanted to know all the details.

"I told you... my world is about to break down," she sobbed. "My superiors are attempting to fix the damage, but even so, they decided to send several of us... here, as part of a selected Immigration Program. If we're able to adapt, they might send more of us. If the only way we can survive is by moving here..."

"You would be moving here?-!" Ayaka gasped. "How many of you are there at that world?-!"

"Around five hundred million, according to the last estimates..."

"FIVE HUNDRED MILLION!" the heiress paled.

"... Counting humans only. That's not counting the beast-men, elves, dwarves, demons, trolls, goblins, talking animals, Twilight Fans, Bleach readers, Narutards—"

"SIESTA!" Ayaka stood up violently, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her. "There's no possible way you could bring that many people here! Much less those with animal ears and tails! Mankind would sink into war and confusion! Why, if only 198,000 confirmed mutants around the world have raised so much unrest and violent behavior—"

"I know!" Siesta cried. "That's why, night after night, I pray for another solution! But I still have to do this! My family... all my friends... are counting on me! Try to look at it from my perspective, Ayaka Ojou-sama! I'm so scared! I have no option except doing this!"

Ayaka sat back down, rubbing her temples. "This is too much for me. I think I feel like fainting..."

"I could bring you a glass of water, if you—!"

"NO! Dammit, what kind of insane fantasies..."

"It isn't a fantasy, Ojou-sama," Siesta replied with newfound hints of firmness. "I have not lied to you."

"Yes, just like you didn't lie to me, before?-!"

The maid looked down in shame. "Like I told you, I had to..."

Ayaka sighed. "Siesta."

"Yes?"

"This man, Nagi Springfield, was a 'mage', wasn't he?"

"Yes."

She looked at the staff the man was holding in the picture. It was identical to the one Sensei always carried around. "Is Negi-sensei a mage as well?"

"I couldn't say for sure. Details on the Thousand Master's exploits after his return to Earth are scarce. The only thing I know for sure is that boy is his son."

Ayaka gave her another look. "Thousand Master?"

"They gave that name to Nagi Springfield, since they said he had mastered a thousand spells of all kinds," Siesta reported. "He was the greatest mage of his time, beyond even common mages like the Bandit Spooker, the Humanoid Typhoon and the Boy-Who-No-One-Wished-Had-Lived. Even to this day, the students at Aridane idolize him."

"Such an illustrious father..." Ayaka mused quietly, eyeing the picture carefully. "You mentioned something about mages being turned into ermines if they are exposed?"

"Yes!" Siesta nodded. "Sometimes, if the offense is particularly serious, they are transformed into other kinds of beasts, like chupacabras, calamari, sea monkeys, Twilight fans, horse apples or axolotls."

Ayaka's face became grim. "I see..."

"Y-You wouldn't reveal my secret, would you, Ojou-sama?"

Ayaka breathed in and out. "For starters, I'm still not sure you haven't just lied to me. Your story is far too outrageous. I mean, talking animals...? Please!"

Obligatory Random Break to whatever Vigilante is doing at that Exact Moment:

"DON'T LOOK!" the duck yelped while pressing a towel against his wet lower body.

Standing at the shower stall's entrance clad in a robe, Tohsaka Rin frowned at him. "What's your problem? You always walk around pantsless, anyway..."

She closed the stall and walked away, almost stomping. "A-Anyway, hurry up there! I thought it was Sakura in there. I'm in a rush, and I need to be cleaned up for an appointment quickly..." Darn it… she'd been wanting to indulge in that particular decadent habit…

Back at the Yukihiro Manor...

"And besides, your downfall might involve Negi-sensei's as well," Ayaka pondered angrily. "So I'll keep your insane secret for now, okay?"

"Thank you so very much, Ojou-sama...!" the girl sighed in infinite relief.

"I'm sure he'll tell me whenever he's ready..." Ayaka muttered.

"Huh?"

"Nothing! Never mind! Now go back to your room!"

"Errr, Ojou-sama, you are the one who's in my room right now..."

Ayaka blinked. "Oh. Oh, yes. Of course. Well, see you tomorrow then, Siesta-san." Visibly shaken, she walked out, closing the door behind herself.

As soon as she was alone, Siesta dropped down into her bed and began slamming both fists on her own head. "Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!"

Act 27: Negi and Chisame.

"They'll be here soon," Hakase sighed as she pocketed the card. "We only have to stay here perfectly quiet, and I'm sure the creature won't find us in the meanwhile."

Sakurako nodded. "Ne, Satomi-chan..."

"Yes...?"

"Do you think I can get one of those Pactios as well?"

Hakase looked at her with huge round eyes.

"I-I mean, not like I'm interested in kissing people other than you, but—! Having powers like yours would be so cool—! Can't I get a Pactio if I kiss you?"

"I don't think so, but you'd have to ask Chamo-san for the details..." Hakase pondered it deeply.

"Negi-kun's pet?"

"Indeed."

"Can he... Can he talk?"

"He talks far too much, as a matter of fact..."

The cheerleader was about to ask something else, but then she tensed up with a concerned face. "Wait. Did you hear that?"

"What?"

"Something like... rustling grass, and then—"

And then, it jumped up over the statue, tackling Sakurako back against a wall. "Sakurako-chan!" Hakase grabbed the creature from behind and forcefully pulled it away from the gasping, scared cheerleader, even as it oozed free from her grasp to clutch at her instead, starting to burn through her shirt. With a grunt, Satomi grabbed it and tugged it off herself, slamming it down on the floor, then ripping up a huge chunk of terrain and slamming the being with it, trying to bury it as deep as she could. "Sakurako-chan, get away from here as fast as you—!"

Interrupting her, the thing filtered itself through the dirt, stubbornly grabbing her again, now burning round holes through her shorts. "Satomi-chan, hold on!" This time, it was Sakurako who grabbed him and pulled her back to relative safety, but the 'Orphan' just made a strangled sound and attacked again.

Swinging a massive fist, then another one, Hakase kept it at bay, but she knew she was achieving nothing but buying time and delaying the inevitable. After each punch, the monstrosity reformed itself just as quickly. Definitely, brute force and mere physical impact wouldn't suffice; they'd need another kind of element...

"Flans Carcer Venti Vertentis!" a familiar voice sounded.

Sakurako was stunned at seeing a huge burst of wind, pretty much a miniature tornado, forming itself around the water monster, making it to spin in midair helplessly, holding it apart from Hakase and herself. Then she noticed Satomi was looking in another direction with those same huge starry eyes, and followed her gaze to the point where Negi-kun stood valiantly, holding his staff in hand. Chisame stood at his right, wearing a fancy dress and extending a very pretty scepter with a heart shaped end ahead. They both looked very heroic and epic like that, as if posing for a major entrance. Standing there under the waning light of sunset, Sakurako felt her heart patter just a bit faster. She never had doubted of Negi-kun's appeal, but until then, she hadn't understood the big deal about Chisame. However, seeing her there, with that completely serious and stern expression, standing tall and proud to the rescue... It was so... cool...

"Chisame-san, now!" Negi-kun shouted.

Chisame shook the scepter. As she did so, Sakurako saw the lampposts all along the boulevard turning themselves off, as their electric energy seemed to flow out of them and gather itself around the scepter, charging it with a terrifying amount of power, before Chisame shook it again, sending it all in a concentrated blast towards the monster. "QUEEN'S SCEPTER!"

The monster made a horrible sound as it was shocked and shaken violently, the electricity crackling through it until it made it explode in several directions, the water droplets it had been reduced to evaporating as they flew. And so, it was done.

Sakurako stood open mouthed, not even noticing when Negi made it to her side. "Shiina-san! Are you okay?"

"Ah? Y-Yes!" she nodded, tightening Satomi's lab coat around herself. "Thanks... Thank you, Negi-kun! You... You are...!"

Then she just threw herself into his arms and pressed her lips to his deeply, even sneaking her tongue into his mouth clumsily.

Negi's eyes shot themselves out of their sockets.

Chisame had a similar reaction, her mouth twitching in a wide variety of interesting forms.

Hakase stared wildly amazed. "Sakurako-chan!" So hot… such a turn on…!

The cheerleader pulled her mouth apart from a stunned Negi's, blinking in mild disappointment. "Ah...? That was all? Where's my card?"

Chamo arrived then, panting madly, shaking a piece of chalk in a paw. "Dammit, Good Luck-chan! You had to wait for me! Now you'll have to do it again!"

Chisame slammed a foot on him. "You won't do anything like that!-!"

Satomi stared at her in utter disbelief. "... Queen's Scepter? Since when did you give names to your attacks?"

"Give me a break!" Chisame growled, her cosplayer spirit offended. "If I'm going to make a fool of myself like a Magical Girl, I'm at least doing it with all the requirements of the genre!"

Act 28: Sailor Mercury

With no other alternatives actually at hand, Akira grunted, pulling an arm free and lifting it up before shouting, "Mercury Power, Make-Up!"

And then it happened, jolting her up and almost blinding her in a flash for a moment. The shreds of her clothes that had not been melted by the monster were pulled off by an invisible force and reduced to fine dust, just as a tight white bodysuit, not too unlike a one piece bathing suit or a gymnast's leotard, formed itself around her body, then followed by a short blue skirt fluttering around her waist. A golden tiara flashed out of thin air, securing itself on her forehead. Right under it, thick goggles encased her eyes, and long white gloves were knit out of nowhere reaching up around her elbows. A big white bow over her chest. Tall, shiny blue boots on her feet.

"It's you!" the mermaid growled, pulling her head out of the water, distracted long enough for Sailor V to elbow her in the jaw, pushing her back and allowing her to pull herself out of the pool. Nyamo-sensei coughed as a thick fog began to surround Akira, blanketing the entire place quickly. She could hear Ichinose coughing as well, right before jumping out of the water in extreme anger, lunging ahead with her clawed hands. "I'll kill you!-! And then eat that Star Seed right out of your carcass!"

"Venus Love-Me Chain!-!" V's voice shouted again, and a long, thin string of golden light shot itself from between the fog, wrapping itself around the mermaid's arm and slamming her against a wall. Sailor V stepped closer, pulling on the chain to tighten its grip on Ichinose. "Well? Stand down and command your 'Orphans' back, or else—!"

She clenched her fangs. "Or else what? I'll lose my arm?"

The mermaid defiantly pulled the arm back as strongly as she could, so violently she left most of it still attached to the chain, the stump still connected to her bleeding green all over the floor. The Sailor Senshi gasped.

"It'll grow back!" She charged ahead roaring like a lion. "AND IT'S A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR YOUR HEAD!"

V prepared herself for a counter attack, but before she could pull it off, something zoomed down from high above, hitting the mermaid on the back of the head and bringing her down with a loud thud.

The Senshi looked down and it, and noticed it was a single red rose, stuck into the mermaid's thick skin, its thorns perforating its upper layer.

Her heart beat much faster. "You...!"

Akira, meanwhile, was stepping out of the fog, coughing as well. With some shock, she saw the monster that had been holding her had been transformed into an ice statue. She blinked and followed V's stare up, to see a tall young man in full evening wear standing at the ledge of one of the largest windows, with another red rose in his hands, face hidden by a mask and a top hat on his head. Her first thought was What kind of clown is this?

"Cruel spawn of the depths, deceptive and shameless in your treacherous ways!" he proclaimed grandly. "For long, I have suspected you, and this is the day my sispicions are confirmed! But no longer will you prey on the innocent!"

"Tuxedo Kamen-sama...!" Sailor V swooned.

"Tuxedo?" Akira asked weakly. "He... He isn't exactly wearing a tuxedo. On the subject of clothes, why I am—"

The mermaid struggled back up, swinging her tail in Sailor V's direction, managing to knock her off her feet. "Kill you all... Kill you all, or Master will not forgive me..." she droned grimly, like an animal out of control.

Ami seemed to snap out of her forced sleep for a moment, lifting her head to say with an absent, tired voice, "Akira-chan... Say... Say... 'Shine Aqua Illusion'!"

"What?" Akira understood even less now.

"Just say it!" Artemis and Tuxedo Kamen said at once.

"Oh... Okay!" She slammed her hands ahead, aiming them at the monster looming over Sailor V, mostly by instinct, and then repeated the words. "Shine Aqua Illusion!"

"What? No!" was all Ichinose could say before a large blast of concentrated coldblanketed her and her remaining monsters, encasing them in ice.

Akira stood aghast, seeing what she had just done. "Did I... Was I..." she turned to Ami. "Mizuno-san, what..."

But Ami had just fallen back into unconsciousness now, as out of it as Shirley.

"What is the meaning of all this?" Nyamo-sensei was asking, scared out of her wits. "None of this makes any sense! Have you just killed her? I'll grant you she was about to kill us, but—!"

"It'll take more than that to kill a Dark Agency member," Artemis said before turning his attention back to the blond Senshi. "Venus!"

Sailor V was just looking at the now empty window, sobbing softly. "He's gone...! Always the same! Comes and goes without even saying goodbye! Why is that man so afraid of commitment?-!"

"VENUS!" Artemis yelled.

The blonde snapped back to reality. "Huh? Oh, sorry, Artemis. You okay?"

"I'm fine," the cat mumbled, pointing at the still paralyzed and flabbergasted Akira. "It's your new teammate who needs your attention now."

The orange themed Magical Girl skipped over to Akira, patting her shoulders. "Hey there! Great job, Akira-chan! Welcome to the fold!"

"W-Welcome to... what...?" Ookuchi babbled.

Artemis face-pawed. "With some more sensibility, Venus!"

"What do you want me to tell her?" Sailor V protested. "You were just as blunt with me! Okay, sorry, Akira-chan. Looks like you have the ancient power of Sailor Mercury, one of the Moon Princess' honor guards in a past life. As such, now you are a beautiful warrior in a sailor suit,charged with the task of helping me find the current incarnation of the Princess and battling the forces of evil out to destroy us!" She looked back at Artemis and hissed, "Better now...?"

Steam was blowing out of Akira's ears.

Artemis pouted and cringed. "The jury's still out on that..."

Nyamo-sensei, now free and kneeling down, covering her privates with her hands, just yelled, "That's all very interesting, but could you please get me something to wear now?-!"

Act 29: Mana and Setsuna

"So, what are we going to do with her?" Akira asked, walking over to Ichinose's frozen body, as Nyamo-sensei covered herself with a curtain, grumbling, and Sailor V safely settled the unconscious Shirley and Ami aside.

The cat sat next to her, making a thoughtful humming sound and then talking again, which still creeped Akira out to no end. "I think we should try to get her out of here, restrain her and question her. We haven't had any chances of getting information directly from the Dark Agency's followers yet."

"What is this Dark Agency you talk about?" the teacher asked, rubbing her running nose. The air around her felt way too chilly.

"The bad guys," Sailor V said.

"Don't tell me," Nyamo deadpanned. "And what is what they do, exactly? I mean, yes, I got everything about taking over the world from us apes, okay, but how do they expect to achieve that by getting girls naked and then ripping the souls out of us?"

"Not our souls. Our Star Seeds," Sailor V explained. "Think of them as... sparkles, relics from other times, when this universe was young and the cosmos was being created. Then, Star Seeds sprouted from the Godwave of Creation and entered all living beings. Star Seeds are a manifestation of the inner powers all of us have, latent in one way or another. But only a few, those of us who are the destined guardians of the planets, have the Star Seeds the Dark Agency are looking for. They want to eliminate us from the start so we can't interfere with their plans of global control. You own one of those perfect Star Seeds, Akira-chan. And so, you're Sailor Mercury, warrior of the first planet in the Solar System—" She paused. "Artemis, Mercury IS the first planet of the Solar System, right?"

"Right," the cat sighed.

Akira and Nyamo only stared at her in awkward, incredulous silence.

The blonde huffed, pointing down at the cat. "You wanna know more? Ask him! I'm still getting used to this, myself!"

"Cat-san..." Sailor Mercury addressed him, trying to forget how ridiculous she felt talking to a cat. How did Chachamaru manage it so easily?

"My name's Artemis. What?"

"If you haven't had the chance to question these enemies so far, how can you be so sure about their goals?"

"Did you hear all of that rant the mermaid gave when she had you prisoner?" the cat asked rightback.

"Yes. Why?"

"They do that all the time," Artemis said. "It's like the villains in James Bond movies. You end up putting pieces of their master plan together every time one of them rants and rants and rants..."

"But we still don't know enough," Sailor V piped in.

"Right," Artemis nodded. "Next question?"

"... You watch James Bond movies?" Nyamo-sensei asked.

"Next RELEVANT question?" Artemis asked again.

"Will you step away from that woman right now?" a dry, humorless female voice asked from the door. Akira gasped, seeing her own classmates Tatsumiya Mana and Sakurazaki Setsuna standing right there, as if they had arrived right out of nowhere. The former was clad in her priestess robes, gun in hand, her identically clothed apprentice Shiho standing right behind her holding several paper charms in her hands. The latter had her sword unsheathed, standing in a merciless battle ready pose. Akira panicked, knowing she'd be recognized for sure...

"Ah, it's you guys again," Sailor V crossed her arms. "Too busy brushing your teeth to arrive here on time?"

"Oh, excuse me?" Mana asked. "Who was the one who arrived late the last three times we slew an 'Orphan'?"

Setsuna walked to them challengingly with a harsh, stern expression Akira had never suspected her quiet, unassuming classmate could feature. "We have told you, we don't need unauthorized, unapproved vigilantes on these grounds..." she tensely told Sailor V before looking up and down at Akira. "And now you have an accomplice! Who are you?"

"M-Me?" Akira babbled, baffled about why Setsuna hadn't recognized her. Surely the goggles on her face couldn't hide her face so much... "I... I am... My name is... Sailor Mercury," she finished, trying to sound firm.

"I mean your real name," Setsuna added.

"That's all you need to know about her," Sailor V told her.

Mana, meanwhile, walked to Nyamo's side. "Sensei? Are you feeling well?"

The teacher nodded. "Yes. Yes, I am. It was nothing but a scare, really..."

"That's good to hear," Mana said. "Please forgive me."

"For what?"

"This." Tatsumiya pressed a paper charm against her forehead, and immediately, the woman fainted on her arms, as flaccid as a ragdoll.

"Sensei!" Akira gasped, trying to reach for her, but Sailor V blocked her way with an arm.

"Don't fear for her," Mana said, and Akira could notice an eerie faint glow in her left eye as she looked at her, as if scanning her body. A small, knowing smirk briefly graced the mercenary's lips. "It's just a routine procedure. She'll get her memory of this event erased, as well as Fenette-sempai and Mizuno-san. We'll also take this irregular under custody," she tapped on the block of ice holding Ichinose with the barrel of her gun. "Your services are appreciated, but no longer needed here."

"Are we going to let them walk away?" Setsuna disagreed. "Tatsumiya! Now there are two of them! We cannot turn a blind eye to this anymore! Konoemon-sensei will need to—"

"I agree with Sakurazaki-sempai, Onee-sama!" Shiho nodded. "It's our duty to make sure no events escape the Academy's control!"

"Shiho," Mana told her, icily. "If not for them, these girls would have died before we arrived. They've earned this much. We always can bring them in another day... if we're paid enough."

Akira really hoped that last sentence was Mana's idea of a joke. Probably not.

Sailor V grabbed her by an arm and began to walk out with her, walking past the other girls along Artemis. "Come on, Mercury-chan. Don't discuss it. Just let's go. As she said, our job here is done."

"Wait!" Setsuna said. "A classmate of mine, Ookuchi Akira, also belongs to this swimming club. Where is she?"

Akira was still for a moment, paralyzed by fear, until Mana answered for her, quietly. "Oh, yes, her. I met her earlier today. She looked rather ill after the ceremony. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me she felt sick, and she couldn't attend this reunion today."

"Really? I don't remember that!" Shiho said dubiously, not really noticing the intent, analytical way Artemis was staring at her.

"It was while you were having lunch with Tate-sempai." Mana never lost her poker face.

Setsuna seemed to believe that. "I see. That's a relief." And she actually sounded softly relieved. "Now walk away, all three of you!" she told both Senshi and the cat. "Before someone else is arrives here!"

Akira shuddered once she finally felt they were out of sight, following Sailor V to the dorms' area. "That was... scary. Mana-san... Mana-san knows who I am! She must!"

"It wouldn't shock me. She's weird like that," V commented dryly.

Akira looked up and down her. "And you... You are Aino Minako-san, aren't you?"

"That's right."

"It's odd. I barely can recognize you, and not because of the mask. Somehow, you look... all the same, yet so different..."

"It's part of the transformation magic. You'll get used to it," Artemis told her.

"What about Mizuno-san? She's your roommate. Aren't you going to—"

Minako tossed her hands up. "This happens to Ami-chan all the time! Looks like it comes with being a Sailor Senshi's best friend. They'll only erase her memory of this particular incident, anyway."

Akira frowned. "I don't know how can you be so casual about this..."

"Like I said, you get used to this," Artemis added.

"But how did she know what kind of magic I had to use?" Ookuchi insisted.

"I have no idea," Aino admitted, looking troubled about it herself. "There are far too many things we don't know yet. Things we'd better discover soon. And for that... I'm going to need your help."

Elsewhere:

Jadeite, Dark General of the Dark Kingdom and current leader of the Dark Agency, clad in dark clothes befitting his rather dark rank, and such definitely someone not to talk lightly about, uttered a curse, closing his right hand into a tight fist and turning away from the projection mirror. "Idiotic mermaid. Now there are twoof them for us to fight..."

A demon lurking in the shadows behind him spoke with a hideous voice. "On the other hand, she's pretty hot too..."

"Yes, I believe we could get some rather interesting developments out of this..." another demon agreed.

"Maybe we should allow them all to gather, and then, ahhh... finish them off in a single... strike..." yet another demon offered.

"I could bring a cousin of mine who's an expert at this magical schoolgirl stuff..." a fourth demon suggested. "He has tentacles and everything..."

Jadeite covered his own face with a hand. "Damn, why do they stick all the misfits Nephrite won't take with me?"

Act 30: Sakurako

That night:

"A toast to welcome Sakurako-chan into the fold!" Misa raised her glass of juice as high as she could. "It's as if Lady Luck herself had moved in with us!"

"Yay! Thanks, I'm so flattered!" Shiina giggled as her glass tapped against Misa's. Hakase followed suit rather clumsily, then Misora and Negi, Cocone, and finally, a reluctant Asuna and Chisame.

"So, Sakurako-chan, when are you getting your own Pactio?" Misa tickled her nose with a finger in a playful way. Normally, she'd have been against the mere idea of anyone else kissing her Negi-kun, but she could make an exception for Sakurako or Madoka.

"Don't toss the idea around so lightly!" Chisame snapped. When had her room become Weirdo Central? "Negi-sensei can't be throwing Pactios as if they were candy!"

Misa pouted. "Awww, what's your problem, Chi-chan? Sakurako-chan already knows, what's the matter if she gets a Pactio?"

Shiina laughed a bit awkwardly. "It's okay! I don't want to force Negi-kun into anything..."

"Mm-hmm," Chisame said incredulously. "That's why you planted that kiss on him back there..."

"She did?-!" Misora gasped.

"I... I would say you should do it," Hakase suggested.

"For real, Satomi-chan?" Sakurako blinked.

Negi was shocked as well. "Why would you say that...?"

"Well, uh... like Kakizaki-san said, at this point it makes no difference!" the genius blurted out. "If anything, it's better for Sensei. If somehow the word about our knowing his secret gets out, he at least will have an excuse for not erasing our memories if we're his partners. And besides, what if she gets attacked again when she's alone?"

"And you think it'd be hot seeing them kissing again..." Chamo whispered to her, as devilish as he could be. Hakase blushed, scowled, and pressed him against a wall with a foot without even looking at him or standing up.

"We're talking about Sakurako!" Asuna snipped. "She can't be unlucky enough to be attacked by monsters twice, ever!"

"Well..." Sakurako fidgeted, her cheeks glowing pink. "Actually, if Satomi-chan and Negi-kun don't mind... neither do I..."

"Why don't we submit it to voting?" Cocone asked.

"Pro!" Misa lifted a hand.

"Pro!" Hakase added her vote.

"Against!" Misora protested.

"Pro!" Chamo raised a paw.

"Against," Chisame mumbled. "Really, you're treating this as a joke!"

"Yeah, it only should be a last resource. Against," Asuna agreed.

"I abstain," Cocone monotoned.

"Pro," Tsunetsuki Matoi said from behind Chisame.

Chisame turned in shock. "Ack! You were there the whole time?"

"Of course," Matoi said.

"... Pro?" Sakurako asked hopefully.

"Your vote doesn't count!" Asuna told her.

"Why not?" Misa asked her. "You can vote for yourself in any serious competition, from Student Council President to Prime Minister!"

"Negi-kun!" Misora turned to him. "YOU cast the deciding vote!"

"She could be my Ministra, if he doesn't want to—" Cocone said, but sadly went unheard.

"Ah? What? Me?" he babbled. "But... but I... I need more time to thinkabout it...!"

Chisame breathed deeply. "We... We'll respect any decision you make."

Misora opened her mouth to protest, but upon seeing the confused, almost terrified expression on Negi's face, relented grumpily. "Yeah. Sure. We will."

Asuna blinked, then shrugged and looked aside. "Whatever. Not really my business anyway!" Her voice sounded somewhat sour while saying that, but even Chamo had the good sense to avoid pointing that out.

Negi remained perfectly still and silent for a few, okay, a lot of long tense moments before speaking shyly. "Very well... If no one's got a problem with it..."

"Bravo!" Misa tossed her hands up.

"That's my Bro...!" Chamo sniffed loudly, his chest puffing up with pride, already grabbing a piece of chalk apparently from nowhere. "Six already! Only twenty four left to go!"

"Chamo-san!" Hakase chided him.

"Twenty five, actually," Misora droned.

"Huh?" Asuna asked her.

"I'll tell you one of these days," the sister-in-training groaned.

Chisame had a neutral expression on as they all made room for Chamo to draw the circle. She was kinda getting used to this type of decadent incident by now. It was practically a habit. And at least Hakase seemed to be happy... maybe too eager, as a matter of fact, even if she was trying to keep her enthusiasm secret... but the way she already had a notepad in her hands and had even set up a camera told everything. Documentation for scientific purposes, her foot! Hopefully such compromising material would never fall into the wrong hands, like Asakura's...

Asakura straightened from where she was lying in the bushes spying on Fuuka and Fumika acting strangely. "I smell a mysterious scoop…"

The girls sat around the circle in expectant silence as Sakurako walked into it with a small nervous smile, and then Negi followed suit, apparently having serious second thoughts. But there was no turning back now.

"Ready, Negi-kun?" the cheerleader asked sweetly.

"N-N..." He saw the eagerness on her face and felt he couldn't let her down now. "... Yes..."

"Good. Then here we go," she breathed very deeply, pulled his face slightly up between her hands, and lowered her head a bit, softly placing a delicate kiss on his lips.

Act 31: Negi and Sakurako

This kiss was much gentler than Sakurako's previous one, and softer than any of the kisses the girls had ever given him, from Asuna's rough one to Hakase's awkward kissing. The effect was still the same in any case, and the jolt of magical energy was followed by the card'sappearanceas soon as their lips separated.

Negi caught the card in midair, in a manner that suggested he was actually finding this procedure almost routine by now, and cast the brief spell to produce the copy he handed over to Sakurako, pocketing the original. The girls gathered right behind her to check out the new card. It featured Sakurako in a perfect copy of her cheerleading outfit, smiling widely and lifting a leg up in a way that showed a glimpse of panty, holding a pom-pom high and another one against her hip.

Siina Sacuraco.

Hilaratrix Fortunans

.

"... My name is badly written!" Sakurako lamented.

"Silly, that's your name in Greek!" Misa laughed.

"Latin!" Chisame and Hakase corrected her.

"What kind of lame power can this card give?" Misora scratched her head. "It's just a cheerleading outfit."

"Well, there's only one way to know..." Chamo tightened a fist, steam blowing off his nose. "Lucky-chan, transform!"

"Okay, but how do I—"

Hakase patiently lifted her card-holding hand up, keeping her arm steady and high. "It is extremely easy. All you need to do is to hold the card like this and pronounce the word 'Adeat'. Do it. It's perfectly safe to do indoors."

"Hakase..." Chisame spoke.

"Yes?"

"You don't need to be THAT close to her for her nude transformation sequence," the hacker said.

"Just let them be," Misa patted her on a shoulder. "You don't have a problem with it, do you, Sakurako-chan?"

Shiina was too busy already anticipating it in nervous ecstasy to even notice the question.

Negi coughed, picked Chamo up from the floor, and began walking out with him. "W-Well, I think that's our cue to leave for the moment..."

"NOOOOOO!" the ermine howled madly, trying to claw free and jump back into the room. "Bro, don't be so thoroughly evil! Don't betray our gender! I implore you...! REMEMBER THE BRO CODE!"

Chisame closed the door behind them and exhaled. "Little creep. Okay, Shiina, you're safe to go now."

Chamo sobbed while looking at the flash of light coming from under the room's door. "Life is simply so cruel... I'M IN DESPAIR! THIS CRUEL LIFE HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

Somewhere, Itoshiki Nozomu looked up from filling his bathtub. "Again, I feel like my only appearance in this chapter is a cue gag and getting my catchphrase stolen," he mused. Then he slipped into bathtub, clothes and all, and checked to make sure the fuse was broken, before pulling the stringtide around a length of wood holding up a shelf, casuing a hair dryer, a toaster, an electric fan and a lava lamp to fall into the water…

"It's the only thing a gentleman can do," Negi replied very seriously, keeping his arms crossed behind his back.

"I'm no man, much less a gentle one!" Chamo bashed his head against the floor.

Chisame opened the door a few moments afterwards. "It's done. Come in."

"Thanks," the boy walked back inside, seeing Sakurako standing at the middle of the room in her new cheerleading Pactio outfit, surrounded by the other Ministra and Cocone.

"You look positively radiant!" Hakase couldn't help but praise.

"Simply gorgeous!" Misa agreed.

"Thank you, girls..." Sakurako twirled around, posing for Negi. "What do think, Negi-kun? Does it look cute?"

"Errr... Errr, yes... very..." he nodded, a pink shade running down his nose and covering his cheeks. That angle she was standing at definitely showed a lot of leg.

"It's the same thing she always wears..." Misora groaned again.

"Yeah, yeah, it's very pretty, what does it do?" Asuna waved a hand against the other. "Those pom-poms are the Artifact, right? Then use them. Wave 'em around, do a little cheer, and let's see what happens..."

Sakurako looked doubful. "But what if I hurt someone? If they shoot death rays or acid spraying bullets?"

"They're pom-poms! How could they possibly be used as death weapons?-!" Asuna said.

Chisame had a nervous expression now. "I dunno, she might have a point. You never know with these weird magical things..."

Tentatively, Sakurako held a pom-pom up and weakly waved it in Chamo's direction. "WHY ME?-!" the ermine screamed.

"Chamo-san, Chamo-san, rah, rah, rah," the girl spoke with some fearful reluctance.

The ermine stiffened up suddenly.

"You okay?" Chisame asked him with some caution.

A thin line of blood trickled down his nose, his eyes fixed on them.

"Oh my God, you've killed him," Misora gasped. "No huge loss, true, but still—!"

"Chamo-kun!" Negi was aghast. "Tell me something! Anything!"

"I'm..." he babbled, "I am... the luckiest ermine in the world..."

"Eh?" Asuna's face curved down into a scowl.

Chamo laughed dumbly, his gaze going back and forth between the girls. "I can see right through...! Right through...!"

Veins popped up on the heads of Chisame, Asuna, Misa and Misora as they instinctively realized what he meant.

A moment later, he was savagely mobbed.

"SO WORTH IT...!"

Two hours later, Satomi sat on her bed comparing her notes. "Well, after using the Artifact on all of us, I believe I can safely conclude it works by emitting some sort of energy granting the target an 'impossible good fortune' aura that allows some of our wildest and unlikeliest longings to become true, even if only for spans of five minutes. Only that would explain why Chamo-san received X-Ray vision that only affected female's clothes, I gained ultimate scientific knowledge... again... briefly, Negi-sensei had that peculiar vision about his father, Chisame's computers became those... strongly interesting machines..., and when Sakurako-chan used it on herself, well... I had to be restrained by all of you..."

Shiina sighed, fixing her hair and her still disarrayed clothes. "All you had to do was to give us some private time..."

"As soon as you can afford a hotel room!" Chisame barked.

"What a weird Artifact," Misora pondered. "It's like some random super-power lottery of what we may want at any given time, no guarantees of what we'll get out of all our desires. Like low level reality warping? Still very powerful, but too unpredictable, and lasting only a short time..."

"Short?" Asuna blinked and looked at her wristwatch. "Crap, now I remember! I promised Kono-chan I'd be here only a short time! And now it's almost midnight! She must be horribly worried!"

"Yeah, same thing for Madoka," Misa said. "She isn't the type to keep on calling after us, but she must be feeling all home alone..."

Konoka snuggled to her Setsuna Love Pillow, purring happily, her hips thrusting as she humped the pillow to... satisfaction. "Oh, Setchan... I only can pull you out of the closet when Asuna-chan isn't here... If only I could convince her to join us..."

Meanwhile, Madoka rolled on her bed uneasily. "I almost feel like I'm lacking something..." she mused. "Nah, couldn't have been important if I'd forgotten." She reached for a "Hakase Special Electric-Motor Driven Phallic Sexual Recreational Device", her thoughts turning to a certain boy…

Epilogue 1: Ayaka yet again

The class had reunited once again, even though the actual term was just over, to finally decide on a destination for their upcoming trip. But once Negi suggested taking Konoka's idea and choosing Kyoto, the voting in Kyoto's favor became overwhelming.

"So, it's decided, then!" he exclaimed after finishing the vote tally. "Next week, Class 3-A will be going on a trip to Kyoto and Nara!"

The classroom exploded into wild cheering.

Ayaka clapped her hands softly, with a lingering expression on her face. Their teacher looked so happy now, she couldn't help but wonder about the reason. Was he so eager to please Konoka, or had he another motive? True, he was pretty enthusiastic about almost everything, but he had seemed all but outright dismissive when the other choices had been brought , what ten year-old would dismiss Disneyland? Makie had almost cried when it lost. She couldn't help but wonderi if it had any connection to everything Siesta had told her about his background...

Yue had a similar expression as she kept on looking at him. The longer she thought about it, the more baseless her own theories on Negi's supposed magical condition looked to her. And yet...

On the seat next to hers, Chisame thoughtfully tapped a pencil on her desk again and again. After everything Negi had told her about his conversation with Evangeline on the Kyoto subject, his drive didn't shock her, but it still was kind of baffling to see how he was so devoted to a man he only had met once in his life.

"Wheee! A school trip! I can't wait!" Fumika cheered.

"I want next week to come right now!" Fuuka exclaimed.

Konoka smiled warmly. "Thank you, everyone... This means so much to me...!"

At the rear seats, Setsuna twitched uncomfortably, unnoticed by everyone.

Kyoto again, after so long...

She didn't notice Akira eyeing her nervously. Mana, however, did. She found it all amusing…

Urahara's Shop

That very same morning, at the same time.

Tessai towered over Jinta's small cowering frame, holding the bottle of Good Fortune Paradise in a gigantic hand. "And you gave that young maid... the bottle of the lust potion...?"

"I-I-I didn't give her anything!" the boy stammered. "She took the wrong bottle while I... was, uhh... too busy... with something extremely important..."

Ururu suddenly remembered she had a lot of work to do at the kitchen, cooking... anything, really... and slipped away in complete silence.

Tessai's battle aura swirled around him as he loomed over Jinta even more. "How many times do we have to tell you videogames are forbidden during work hours...?"

Urahara whistled, finishing with his luggage and heading for the front door. "Well, I leave everything in your able hands! I just remembered I have even more urgent business out of town right now!"

"Urahara-dono!" Tessai gasped. "Are you abandoning us to our own luck?"

"Of course not!" the shopkeeper said. "I left you the number of a good lawyer on the table! I'm sure not even the Yukihiro Zaibatsu will be able to hire someone better..."

"... You haven't been the same ever since Kakizaki-dono did that to you, Urahara-dono," the massive man pointed out.

"Girls from that class are really terrifying opponents. Make sure to remember that," his boss told him.

Jinta groaned. "Eh, for all we know, nothing happened. That maid knows how to read the label. And no one else would be stupid enough to drink it without knowing what it was..."

Meanwhile, at the Yukihiro Manor, Roberta looked quizzically at the bottle she had just found on Siesta's night stand while looking for her younger fellow maid. She eyed the label, written in that strange language, with some apprehension. But it looked like Colombian whisky, smelt like Colombian whisky, and she hadn't taken a sip of her homeland's liquor in so, so, so horribly long...

Normally, she would have been too wary to drink anything at all like that, but she had come to feel safe at the Manor, the only place on Earth where she felt like lowering her guard a bit. She trusted her mistress, and by extension, her fellow servants, as long as Ojou-sama trusted them as well.

Siesta-san wouldn't notice if she took only a tiny drink from the bottle...

Roberta quickly served herself a small cup, swallowed it down in a single gulp, corked the bottle again, and stepped out of the room hastily, blushing just a bit. Dammit, it had tasted even better than she remembered it. Like a one night stand in a bottle…

She found Siesta at the servants' dining room, eating breakfast with Fabiola, Fubuki-san, Taeko-san and Okajima-san, the accountant guy. Okay, financial advisor, technically, but Roberta had never been one to know the exact terminology of finances. Due to one of those appreciated coincidences that often happen in these kindsof fanfics, Sebastian-sama, the old butler, was out for the next few days visiting a sick relative.

"Oh, here you are," Roberta addressed Siesta, dry as ever. "I have a need to know if you have—"

Then she stopped in mid sentence, noticing the strange way all the other employees were looking at her now.

"—Is there something wrong with my appearance?"

"Absolutely nothing wrong at all..." Taeko sighed dreamily.

Okajima-san's hand dropped his fork. "Never seen anything better, actually..."

Roberta's brow twitched. "What?"

Fubuki slipped past behind her and locked the door.

The ensuing scene was too much to escape from, even for a veteran of the Colombian guerrilla. To her credit, Roberta gave one of her best fights ever. For like five minutes or so.

Then, on top of the charred wreckage of the room, that long repressed truly wild side was reborn...

Jinta arrived a few hours later, with two major bumps on his head and the antidote ready. The scene he stumbled into scarred him for life.

By the time Ayaka came back, all her questions on what had happened to the servants' quarters and why they all had hickeys all over their bodies were only met with evasions and mutterings about a gas leak.

Funny enough, Ayaka thought, Roberta SEEMED somewhat more chipper than usual when serving her dinner that night...

Epilogue 2: Emily

Lovely Ariadne Academy Theater, Part 1

As much as the mage societies of Mundus Vetus, the Old World located on Earth, struggled to keep all their secrets… well, secret, some things occasionally filtered to public knowledge. Naturally, the mages were quick to turn those details into popular, harmless cultural trivia that passed as nothing but parts of childish legends, light entertainment or conspiracy insanity.

So, mages did indeed receive lessons on Defense Against The Dark Arts. But contrary to popular belief, Defense teachers most often lasted for several years at their posts. After all, they would never get those assignments without being the absolute best in their fields.

And so, we cast our gazes towards the old and venerable Ariadne Academy at Mundus Magicus. For almost thirteen years now, ever since recovering from her beloved's demise, the tall, shapely and black haired figure in red standing before Class 3-C had been the most respected Defense teacher for all aspirants to the title of Magic Knight. At the Old World her mere appearance might have inspired great confusion and even fear, but at the helm of a class combining humans, beast girls and the occasional demoness trying to be their species' weird idea of what a delinquent was, no one ever minded the fact she had a beak and feathers.

She clapped her hands only once, and that was the signal for the very pretty blonde who had showed up in the first magic letter Ayaka had ever seen to step forward with a bouquet of red roses between her hands.

The young woman breathed deeply and spoke with a clear, firm voice. "Welcome," she told the four legged figure standing next to Miss Macawber. "In my humble position as Class Representative, it is both my duty and my pleasure to accept you as one of us. May this strengthen the ties between this city state and the fair queendom of Equestria even more." She put a knee down, bowing her head respectfully and extending the flowers to her new classmate. "My name is Emily Sevensheep. Charmed to greet you." She ignore Raspberyl's intense stare directed at her. The girl was still quite annoyed at her for beating her for the Class rep position…

The small quadrupedal creature with the single horn on her forehead made a brief but noticeable awkward show of restraint, overcoming her primal urge, spurred by her nerves, to munch on the flowers, gracefully accepting the bouquet in her mouth instead, delicately placing it at her hooved... feet, for a lack of a better term. "Likewise, it is a sincere pleasure to be here. Good afternoon to all of you. My name is Twilight Sparkle. I extend my deepest thanks to you, in the name of our beloved Princess Celestia."

"I'm Spike," the tiny purple scaly thing on her back waved a paw.

At the back of the class, a petite girl with long pink hair groaned in a very low voice. "What are we coming to? This is supposed to be a classroom, not a stable..."

"Shut up, Louise," the tall buxom redhead sitting at her right hushed her. The duck next to them gave them a slightly annoyed look, before she went back to muttering about how all problems could be solved with lasers…

Emily stood back up, satisfied with the way her welcome had been presented. The hours of practice had paid off.

Twilight (not to be confused with any franchise of books and movies that... wait, we already covered our ratio of Twilight jokes for this chapter. Sorry) allowed herself a small confident smile, satisfied with the way her response had been declared. The hours of practice had paid off.

"I am sure this will be the beginning of a wonderful collaboration," Miss Macawber nodded, pleased as well. "And so, Miss Sevensheep, as befitting your role of representative for this class, Headmistress Seras has asked me to tell you... You have been selected to guide Miss Sparkle and her companion during their first year of studies at this Academy. Starting next week, you will be sharing your living quarters with them."

Emily's face instantly froze in an uneasy rictus. Sitting a few desks behind her, her short haired best friend sighed somewhat sadly.

A world away, at Mahora, Ayase Yue suddenly had the strangest sensation.

"Yue-Yue?" Nodoka asked. "Are you feeling okay?"

"It's... nothing, Nodoka. Just had a weird feeling. As if someone kind of stole something that was supposed to be mine..."

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"

"... To be honest, I have no idea either."

Epilogue 3: Confessions of a Lolicon

Father Garterbelt was a very scary person. An enormous mountain of a man, pure dark-skinned muscle under priest robes, always with an intensity more fitting a weathered soldier or an action hero than a man of the cloth. Even Sister Shakti was wary of him. That imposing, larger than life presence was the main thing preventing children, especially those named Kasuga, from making fun of his name. In his hearing range, at least. He knew they made jokes about it when (they thought) he couldn't hear, but he considered it part of his penance for everything he'd done before embracing the Lord's cause. Though he thought having to put up with Kotomine Kirei's lectures was a bit too much. Evil bastard.

Misora was simply terrified of him, but luckily for her mental health, he spent most of his time away from Mahora, often along with Sister Yukariko and Sister Eda. Something about "missions of preaching and conversion..."

Eda lovingy caressed the demon's face as Father Garterbelt shot it from behind...

He was staying over for a few days now, however, and since he was the only one authorized to run the confessional, those of a Christian bent, or those who wanted to share gossip but were under serious threats to keep things secret (who were a freaking lot of people, since we're talking about Mahora), had swarmed over to his confession booth all day long.

"F-F-Father, I am in love with Negi-kun..."

"We all freakin' know, Misora! Now go and let someone else use this!"

"Father, I believe I have been mind wiped again..."

"It's just your imagination, Mizuno-kun. And besides, this isn't the right place for saying that..."

"Father, I think you're hot in a rugged macho kind of way..."

"For the last time, Saotome-kun, I've taken vows of celibacy!"

Truth be told, he often indulged himself here and there... and over there and somewhat further there... But that Saotome girl was simply too scary. Even for him.

"BWAK! BWAAAK, BUCK-KAW, BUCKAWWWK!"

"... Pray five Hail Marys a night for the next two weeks, Boo-sensei."

"Father, I have long recurring fantasies of TAKING OVER THE WORLD! I don't consider that a sin since I'm clearly the only one qualified to take mankind to a new age of prosperity and glory under my iron clad dictatorship, but still, I consider my continuing failures at succeeding at my goal an unforgivable sin. Also, I'd like to know if there are some prayers I could say to help my endeavors to reach fruit. Not like a rational mind like mine believes on such superstitions, of course, but—"

Garterbelt sighed and reached for his cellphone. "Hakase-kun? YOUR LAB RATS HAVE ESCAPED THEIR CAGE AGAIN! Oh, pray to Saint Jude, Brain-sensei."Hey, the rat had doctorates, he was entitled to a little respect and recognition.

"Father, I have no worries at all. Isn't that a bad thing? Aren't we supposed to reach salvation through suffering or something?"

"... Just go away, Sakaki-kun."

"Father, I feel funny when I look at Negi-sensei..."

"Hirano-kun, for God's sake, he's ten!"

"Father, I'll never admit it to anyone else, but I'm starting to think Negi-sensei is hot... What should I do? How am I supposed to clean my mind from those horrible nasty feelings for a man?"

"... Weren't you supposed to be a hardcore lesbian, Honsho-kun?"

"Father, I know Uncle Souichi will be angry if he learns I'm here, but I must confess something I haven't ever told anyone... Whenever I look at Class 3-A's child teacher from afar, my heart beats so much faster..."

"... Shouldn't this segment be titled 'Confessions of a Million Shotacon'?" the man wondered. "Regardless, Tomoe-san, pray for God to sooth your impure thoughts. Why don't you get a hobby or something. Tea maybe, or collecting antique muskets. And if God sends you an expressionless talking animal, just kick it of your house before he suggests you make any deals, okay?"

The last person to visit him that afternoon had, however, another kind of interest.

"Father, I need to know, can I be called a Lolicon if I like ten year-old girls, despite being a ten year-old girl myself?"

"... Who is this girl you speak of, child?"

"Why, Sakura-chan, of course! She's so simply cute and beautiful, her charms are impossible to resist! She looks dashing in everything, and she's so athletic and healthy, and so cheerful, a good cook, friendly to everyone, loyal to a fault, and—"

"You aren't a Lolicon, Daidouji-kun. Just a raging out-of-control dyke. I advice you to control your urges to ravish that poor girl, at least until you're both 13 and legal. And for the name of all that's holy, try not to fall in love with Negi-sensei as well. Oh yes, and pray five Hail Marys a night for the rest of your life."

"Thank you, Father Garterbelt! You're so understanding!"

Tomoyo skipped out of the church happily, petting the head of Garterbelt's dog as she went out. "Good afternoon, Chuck-kun!"

"BARK! BARK!"

The Father sighed as he closed the confession booth, ready for a good hot bath, a shot of rum, a few hours at his room with his secret stash of gay porn, and a long, long, night of sleep. Some called him too liberal in his methods, but what the hell. After all, they never called him like that on his face. And at least he wasn't a total bastard like Kotomine. If they weren't on the same side…

Cocone quickly hid the picture of Misora she had been kissing behind her back as she saw him passing by.

"Make sure Shakti doesn't catch you doing that, " the man told her humorlessly, not even looking at her.

The girl only nodded, her skin tone mostly hiding her adorable blush.

Author's Notes:

Whoo. That WAS much longer than I had intended at first…

Some of you might be taking the twist with Ayaka is not so "Controversial" as the prior chapter's preview promised. Truth be told, my original intent for this chapter was to involve her… in a much more direct way… with the Love Potion, but then I thought better about it. Ayaka isn't ready for THAT yet. Yet.

The game Jinta was playing is two highly obscure references rolled into one. The first part of its name is inspired by the PSP game Unlosing Ranger vs. Darkdeath Evilman, replacing 'Unlosing' with Negima's Baka Rangers, of course. But then we have Lord Deathman replacing Darkdeath Evilman, Deathman was a villain debuting in the insanely obscure Batman manga from the sixties. He recently resurfaced in the Batman: The Brave and the Bold animated series and the Batman Inc. comic series. How he avoided Blackest Night is a mystery. Batman Incorporated, no joke, is the latest Batman series. Batman is now an international franchise!

The 'other blonde girl fighting a lonely war against the forces of evil using shape-changing powers given to her by a four-legged furry thing' is a reference to Rachel of Animorphs.

Next Time on "Unequally Rational and Emotional":

Sliders finally appear AND the start of the Kyoto arc! With the Kyoto trip just around the corner, Mahora finds itself visited by… Negi Springfield and Ala Alba? Huh? What's going on here? Don't miss it! Leave lots of reviews, please! It powers our imagination engine!