AARON & JACKSON

-How To Save A Life-

"Deterioration"


It was his third day back at the garage, the first two had gone well, Cain had seemed to soften a bit but Aaron wasn't going to say anything about it, it was nice and definitely a change when it came to his uncle. Tom helped him adjust back into the work which he was grateful for, it wasn't as if he'd forgotten he was just a bit rusty and unsure of himself, things still played heavily on his mind naturally which caused his attention to waver slightly but the young lad was always checking he was alright, Aaron felt bad for treating him the way he had months before, he didn't deserve it but then again, none of them did. Well except Carl.

Since his support group meeting over a week ago now he had become friends with Steve, it came about initially because Aaron had felt sorry for the lonely lad but as the days went on it turned out he realised how good a lad he was, a good mate, they talked about stuff which Aaron knew should have been shared with Jackson but he just couldn't despite feeling like he was going behind his back and the guilt he felt because of it. He could trust Jackson and know he would listen but Steve was in the same boat as him, he would completely understand whereas Jackson couldn't fully understand the situation, he couldn't possibly no matter how many times he told Aaron otherwise. Which he had done a lot lately but Aaron had clammed up on each occasion and he couldn't speak, they both then went about their days separately, causing somewhat of a strained atmosphere when they both got home in the evenings.

Aaron's mood was less than happy but he wasn't going to take it out on Cain and Tom, he walked around the corner and up the forecourt to see them both standing taking a break, he'd been told to start later than them, a way to break him back into it gently, it was almost half twelve and he wasn't due to start till one but the quicker he was out of the house lately the better, especially when Jackson was off which today he was.

"Hey up here he is" Cain said quietly and nudged Tom in the process.

Tom looked up and smiled. "Alright mate?"

Aaron put on a smile and nodded.

"You're early kid" Cain told him as Aaron carried on walking through into the garage.

"Yeah, yeah I-…I'll make myself a cuppa or something"

"Jackson's company not good enough?" Cain asked and from the unit where the kettle stood Aaron frowned and swallowed hard. "Yeah course it is!" he called back. "I just needed to get out the house"

The conversation ended there and Aaron heard them start discussing the rest of the work, as the kettle boiled he just looked around waiting and his eyes found what looked like a new, larger advanced first aid kit hanging up on the back wall. He rolled his eyes, coincidence? He didn't think so. A few minutes later Aaron was stood in the same spot drinking his tea alone until Cain walked over. "If you don't feel like it today you can always just come back tomorrow"

"I did two days Cain, I'm alright"

Cain sighed as he nodded his head. "Yeah I know mate but you don't seem alright today, well you never do but you have reasons but you seem to be getting worse"

Aaron blew out a deep breath and nodded as he started down into his tea. "I-I don't know whether it's me, Jackson or both of us but it's all different now…"

Cain frowned. "Different?"

"Yeah you know…sex stuff…"

"Well a little bird told me you two had done it"

"Yeah we did but it's like it didn't happen, it's me isn't it?"

Cain nodded. "Probably kid, the impression I'm getting is that you two aren't speaking, that won't help anything so this thing with you two, you love him yeah?"

"Yeah course I do, so much" Aaron replied quickly.

"Stop pushing him away then, this is hard enough for him as it is you"

Aaron sighed. "Nice fancy new first aid kit eh?"

Cain rolled his eyes and sighed. "I care that's why…and I'm prepared, this isn't a safe job, things nip, scratch and cut our hands and arms every day you know that, it's as much for your safety as it is ours, if a cut of yours gets infected then…"

"Yeah I know" Aaron cut in. "Immune systems already plummeting as it is right?"

Cain nodded as he looked on sympathetically.

"Done your research then?" Aaron asked with a smirk.

"Oh yeah, Debbie's on at me to tidy up the leaflets and booklets I've got"

Aaron chuckled and shook his head. "Well I appreciate it"

"I know you do how about we uh…we change a set of tyres, together? Not cause you can't I just thought we could spend some time together"

Aaron smiled and gave his uncle a nod and as they walked out onto the forecourt Aaron spoke. "You don't have to be nicer you know"

"I know but things are put into perspective and this has been one of those times, can't take who you have for granted and treat them like crap"

Aaron stopped at the side of Cain when they got to the car. "You never treat me like crap, you're my boss at the end of the day and sometimes you just had to be firm and I deserved the outbursts from you most of the time"

"But, not anymore you're going through enough shit at the minute lad, from now on when it comes to you I'm a new Cain" he told him with a grin.

"Alright, well I'll give it a week"

Cain chuckled and nudged his shoulder. "Cheeky sod"

Aaron laughed but it faded when he watched Jackson walking toward him. He groaned and knelt down quickly and started to wheel the car jack into place.

Jackson stopped with a firm expression on his face and looked down at Aaron. "Can we talk?"

"No, not really I'm busy"

"Right well, when you get home?"

Aaron looked up as he shook his head. "Won't have time, got to quickly get changed and meet Steve at bar west…you'll have to wait"

Jackson scoffed. "Until you get in yeah" he told him bluntly then shook his head and walked off. Cain then knelt down beside Aaron. "I for one certainly couldn't feel any love coming from you right there"

Aaron scowled. "Don't dare lecture me on relationships you're hardly one to talk"

It had gone eight pm by the time Aaron got to bar west, it was a Wednesday so it wasn't busy, music was playing in the background and a few tables were taken up but plenty were still left vacant. When he'd walked in he was going to head straight to the bar but Steve had collared him already and waved him over, Aaron smiled and walked over to the booth and sat next to him. "Alright mate?"

Steve nodded with a smile. "Yeah feeling better mate, thanks to you"

"Why me?"

"You've helped me a lot"

"Good" Aaron smiled. "At least I'm good for something eh?"

Steve frowned as he picked up his pint. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Ah nothing mate" Aaron said in a sigh and rubbed his face. "Just work today and home it's just getting to me"

"Wanna talk about it?" Steve asked as he moved closer a bit and put his hand on his shoulder. "I'm your mate, Aaron" he reminded him to which Aaron nodded.

"I got stuck with something at work and Cain and Tom took over, and I knew how to do it, but it wasn't happening, got all frustrated to the point Cain had to calm me down, then I go home and bear in mind I told him I wouldn't have time to talk Jackson jumps down my throat about stuff"

"What stuff?"

"That I'm ignoring the issue, yeah hardly I'm the one living it mate not you" he told him with a mock reply and shook his head.

"At least he's there mate"

"I know but he doesn't leave it, he never does with anything, he thinks I have to talk about every single thing and I don't, I will when I chose to, not when he demands"

"Like I said he's still there" Steve told him and looked away. "I don't have anyone Aaron you know that, when I told my family it was like I was coming out again but it was much worse, they could just barely handle the fact I was gay, but when I told them I was HIV positive they heartlessly told me to leave, I-I don't know why anyone could do it but they did"

Aaron sighed. "Ah mate I know you're alone and I couldn't help myself whinging could I? I'm really sorry"

"No don't be" Steve flashed a smile through teary eyes and they were both unaware of Jackson watching from the doorway.

"Don't cry mate"

Steve nodded and wiped his eyes. "I just miss them; I'm not as strong as I look"

Aaron then pulled him into a hug. "Well you fooled me cause you're one of the strongest people I know" he told him as he soothed him.

Jackson angrily gritted his teeth and stormed out, from his view it looked like something a lot different to what was actually going on. He liked Steve, he really did and had embraced him into his life but that, what he had just witnessed was not happening, not a chance.

Steve pulled away and smiled gratefully at Aaron. "So you have somebody who loves you Aaron, talk to him, let him in, I could tell he loved you when I saw him with you at the clinic before you saw Dan, he obviously cares about you and is scared himself, what we have to remember is that we aren't the only people affected, don't push him away because of your own fear, you'll hate yourself even more than you do now"

Aaron nodded and he left it there, he had a lot to think about but they enjoyed the rest of their night, drinking, chatting and they met up with some other people Steve had gotten to know, they seemed alright, a good laugh but the time came for Aaron to face Jackson.

When Aaron got back to the village he was drunk, relaxed and quite content. He pushed open the front door to Smithy to see Jackson sat at the kitchen table in silence, when he turned to close the door behind him he swayed and fell against the wall but recovered quickly and walked into the kitchen. "Hi"

Jackson rolled his eyes. "Oh got time for me have ya?"

Aaron sighed. "It wasn't like that, I had plans and I was at work earlier"

"Oh yeah I saw what your plans consisted of"

"You followed me tonight?"

Jackson nodded as he quickly got to his feet. "And I wish I hadn't!" he yelled before storming off to the living room.

Aaron frowned and quickly followed him. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked as he stopped in the doorway and watched as Jackson paced quickly.

"You and Steve looking very cosy that's what I meant! Can't talk or spend time with me but you will with him though right!" Jackson yelled, he was way beyond angry.

"What? He's a mate Jackson, and yeah I can talk to him, for obvious reasons"

"But why not me hmm? Come on you must know why!"

"Because I can't Jackson, you don't understand"

"Don't understand? What that this is emotionally destroying you? Well guess what me too!" he raged as he stormed over to him.

Aaron sighed and looked away. "Yeah and it's a lot more complicated"

"Oh and I don't know that? Come on Aaron I've read everything I possibly can! My eyes are wide open to everything that could go wrong but I won't let it, so I-if you're scared for me don't because I will be careful"

"And what if you're not, accidentally something happens?" he asked with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Then at least I'll know I was safe and I'd live with it just like you are!"

"That's absolutely ridiculous!" Aaron raged and stormed away from him.

"And so is opening up your options Aaron…Steve eh…you and him would be perfect wouldn't you…you already know that…what with both of ya…ya know…" Jackson spoke bitterly and at the same time his expression was one of disgust but he had no idea he had done it but it was too late Aaron had saw it and the stony look on his face said it all.

"Excuse me?" Aaron asked quietly, it was like he'd been kicked in the chest. "So what you think I've been spending more time with him to see if there's an attraction so I can trade you in for him because it's easier and convenient?"

Jackson bit his lip and hung his head as he shook it. "I-I didn't mean that"

"Then there was that look on your face" Aaron told him and stood firmly and put his hands on his waist and watched him.

"What look?" Jackson asked with a frown as he looked back at him.

"A one of complete disgust…I want you to get out, I don't care where you go I want you out right now"

"No…Aaron come on…" Jackson pleaded as he stepped closer but Aaron backed off making him stop his advance.

Tears that he'd prevented from falling were now dropping from his eyes, Aaron shook his head. "Of all the people I thought would be disgusted at me, I never thought it would be you, your true feelings are out now Jackson"

"What? When I made love to you Aaron, the HIV didn't even come into it, I love you"

"No, no you're just like Carl!"

Jackson frowned. "I'm nothing like him!"

"Oh really?"

"Yes really" Jackson told him.

"I couldn't talk to you because yes I am scared for you Jackson, any time I hurt myself or anytime we have sex…" he sighed. "It's all a risk and I was not seeing Steve more as an option, he's an alright looking lad yeah but I'd never do that to you! You should know that! He's alone Jackson and now we're mates"

"Alright I-I'm sorry Aaron, I really am…"

"No" Aaron stood his ground. "I know how you really feel now…get out I'm done with this now"

"Done?"

Aaron had already made his move to storm to the kitchen when Jackson replied. "Done, finished, ended whatever you wanna call it, that's what we are!"

Jackson panicked, he couldn't imagine his life without him, he had to fix this and quickly, he ran into the kitchen and followed. "Don't Jackson, don't you dare, it was short and sweet and we tried, how the hell can I live and be with you now knowing how you feel"

"You haven't got a clue how I feel Aaron cause your never around to bother caring!" Jackson shot back.

"I saw the look on your face! It told me all I needed too"

"A-Aaron I love you, you're spinning things just calm down and listen…"

"I don't have to calm down at all mate I'm telling you to get out, we are done!" Aaron yelled before walking to the door and flinging it open. "NOW!" he screamed and sure enough there were a few people leaving the pub, able to hear it all.

"Aaron come on this is ridiculous!"

"This is my house and my life and I don't want you in either get out, get your stuff when I'm at the garage tomorrow!"

"Hey lads what's going on?" Adam asked as he ran up with Chas and Marlon.

"Jackson's leaving" Aaron told them as his chest rose and fell rapidly as he held the door open for him.

"After everything I've done for you!"

"Yep and it's all gone in a single look! Who'd have thought? Get out before I make you leave"

Jackson sighed.

"Aaron love, why don't you just calm down eh?" Chas tried to calm him.

"No I won't calm down, you don't know what's just gone on keep out of it" he told her harshly then turned to Jackson.

"Come on mate it can't be that bad" Marlon added but just received a scowl from Aaron.

"You've got five seconds Jackson; I can't even look at you"

Chas sighed and nodded at Jackson. "We're not gunna get anywhere tonight, come on love just come back to the pub for the night"

"For the night? Gunna be there a lot longer than that" Aaron snapped as Jackson walked out.

"Sort yourself out and fast" Jackson told him. "I'm not going anywhere"

"And you think I'm gunna give you the time of day now, might aswell go see if Carls got a spare bed, I'm sure he has"

Jackson gritted his teeth as he shook his head then was led away by Chas.

"It's alright I'll stay" Adam quietly told Marlon before walking into the house and shutting the door, making it clear to Aaron he wasn't going anywhere.

"Are you off your head?"

"Oh shut up Adam you haven't got a clue" Aaron spat back nastily as he stormed through to the kitchen.

"Well then tell me!"

"All you need to know is that me and Jackson are finished, end of…can?"

Adam sighed and nodded. "I think you've made the worst mistake of your life"

"Really?" Aaron scoffed as he opened the fridge. "Cause I don't think so" he told him as he handed Adam a can and he cracked his open and held it slightly in the air. "Cheers" he grinned then walked away leaving Adam stunned.


TBC…