Soooo

I am sooo sorry for the wait. I have no idea why it took me so long to get this out. :(

Well here you go. The last Chapter. I hope you enjoy this chapter and it lives up to the long wait.


Chapter 28:

The Key to Forgiveness


For what seemed like hours, Jim looked between Uhura and Spock, unsure what was going on or why they were here. Did they know he would be at this location? Or was it by chance? Did they come to see Salean? If so, why? What did Spock have to say to Salean? What right did he have? Jim took a deep breath, stopping those dark thoughts before they overwhelmed him.

Dr. McCoy spared Jim a small glance before turning to Uhura and Spock. "Uhura," He muttered, looking between the two. "What are you two doing here?" The Doctor's glance hardened as he looked toward Spock. "Going to run again, Commander?" he asked. "Too afraid to get what you deserve?"

With that, Spock's face hardened and his posture stiffened.

Uhura glanced at him for a second before snapping, "McCoy." She was glaring at him. "That's uncalled for."

"Uncalled for?" Leonard snapped back. "He left not once but twice. Do you have any idea of what that did to Jim?" He was glaring right back at Uhura.

With a deep sigh, Jim glanced toward McCoy. Even though Bones was right, he didn't need him to defend him. He could do it on his own. "Bones, enough. You don't need to fight my battles."

"Jim," McCoy uttered, softly.

"However, you do have a point," Jim replied, annoyed. He glanced at Spock from the corner of his eyes as he felt his nerves grow. He thought seeing Salean would have killed all of his nerves, but they were alive again, burning at the sight of his former lover, who just stared at him.

Spock stared at him for a few long seconds before glancing at the prison behind them. "Did you see Salean?" the Vulcan asked, as he tried to mask his emotions. To Jim it was clear that he was angry.

For a second, Jim wondered what he should say to Spock, who continued to stare at the prison. Did he have a right to know anything? "I did, Commander," he answered.

Uhura glanced from Spock to Jim, worry filled her face. "Are you okay, Kirk?" she asked, taking a step toward her former Captain, who intensely watched her.

There was something about Uhura's worry that was off-putting and began to annoy him. Taking a deep calming breath, he refused to let his annoyance and anger get to him. It would only hold him back, and he couldn't move on if he allowed it to. Jim let out a sigh as he glanced toward Spock, who was now staring at him. "I'm as fine as I'll ever be, Lieutenant," he replied.

"Kirk," she uttered as she took a step toward him.

He let out another sigh at the sound of his name coming from her lips. "If that's all, Bones and I are off," he replied. He had no idea of where they were going, but he had no interest in staying. He had enough heartbreak already and couldn't deal with anymore. "Let's go," he said waving to Bones, who only eyed him. It wasn't until a few steps that the doctor followed him.

Uhura followed them. "Kirk, stop. You and Spock need to talk this out," she said. "You-"

"Nyota, that is enough," Spock said sternly. His eyes were burning into her, not sparing Jim a look.

She turned back to him. "No, this is enough. You both need to talk to each other," she snapped back.

Pausing in his steps, Jim turned to look at the two. Uhura had a point, but he wasn't in a mood for Spock to bolt again. Sure, there were a lot of things he needed, no wanted, to say to the Vulcan. However, he refused to deal with him bolting. Spock needed to stop running and talk to him.

McCoy's eyes moved to Spock, who was standing perfectly still. "He doesn't seem to want to talk," he mumbled.

"Hush, McCoy," Uhura snapped. "You got some nerve, after what you have done."

"And I will pay for that-" started McCoy, but Jim cut him off.

"Enough," Jim snapped. He didn't have the patience for this, not with his heart recovering from his meeting with Salean. He was glad the Dalenian wasn't able to pipe in, because he wasn't sure if he would be able to handle that. "I think we've had enough fighting," he said, feeling drained. He couldn't help but think back to what Dr. Jones had told him; forgiveness was the key, but it was difficult.

McCoy glanced at Jim. "Sorry, Jim," he replied.

Uhura let out a sigh but remained quiet. Jim could tell that she wanted to say something. His ex-Communications officer was never one to shut up, even when ordered. There were times that Jim wanted to blast her off into space when she wouldn't shut up. However, he had to give it to her; she was a true friend… at least to Spock.

Spock stepped forward. "I am as well, and if this is all, the Lieutenant and I will be off," he said, not looking at them.

Jim narrowed his eyes at his former First Officer. Where was the fighter that Jim had fallen in love with? Where was his confidence? The Vulcan in front of him didn't resemble the one who had been his First Officer and lover. He didn't resemble the one who took care of him and protected him. For a few moments he didn't recognize that this was the Vulcan, who had stolen his heart. Sure, he couldn't see a chance for a second shot for them, but he didn't want to see him like this. After everything that had happened, he didn't want to see him hurting so much.

Right now, Spock reminded Jim of himself when he resigned his post to return to the Iowa farm house he purchased. He looked defeated, like he had lost everything and there was nothing left to live for. Jim knew how that felt. He knew how it felt to lose everything and have nothing but memories. He knew how haunting it was to live in his memories, and it wasn't until recently that he stopped living in the past. After being saved from Salean and Seleen, he realized there was something to live for and he shouldn't be controlled by his emotions. With the help of Dr. Jones and his true friends, he had slowly retaken control of his life.

Even though he was still mad at Spock, he didn't want him to be like this. Jim wanted the Vulcan to move on and forgive himself, even if he wasn't able to forgive him. In the back of his mind, he wasn't sure how Spock would be able to if he wasn't ready to forgive his own self. "Commander, take a walk with me," Jim said, surprising himself. He couldn't help but think that this was a something left over from his talk with Salean.

"Jim," McCoy called, worry clearly present in his voice.

The blond smiled softly and stepped away from the Doctor. "It's time that Spock and I talk. It'll be fine." There was a paused as he glanced back. "I'll meet you in an hour for lunch," he said, stepping closer to the Vulcan.

"The usual place?" McCoy asked, eyeing him.

"Yup, I'm in the mood for some big juicy burgers," Jim said, answering back. "Or maybe some nice fat, grilled steaks and a big mound of French-Fries. That sounds good…I don't think I can last an hour." He chuckled.

McCoy couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, yes. I don't think I can either."

"Good, I'll meet you there," Jim said, as he continued to walk away.

Spock and Uhura eyed him as he walked by, and though Jim couldn't hear what Uhura said to the Vulcan, he knew she was telling him to go. Although it annoyed him that Spock had to be pushed into talking to him, he understood why he was so hesitant. It was guilt that the Vulcan was feeling and keeping him from speaking to him. He wanted him to try. "Are you coming, Commander?" he said over his shoulder.

There was a pause before Spock took a step toward him. "I am."

Jim didn't look back as the Vulcan quietly followed him.


*O*O*


The wind was howling and the sun was almost blinding as Jim stared out into the bay. He stood perfectly still, as he tried to calm his nerves. It was nerve racking to have his former lover standing silently behind him. Why did Spock have to be a Vulcan of few words? Why didn't he just say what was on his mind? Why was he trying to do all of the talking while Spock stayed quiet?

"Why did you leave?" Jim asked, tired of the silence.

Spock shifted uncomfortably behind Jim, as he took a step forward. "Which time, Captain?" he asked. There was an unmistakable sadness in Spock's voice.

There was a battle inside of Jim. He was still so angry with Spock that he didn't know if he could ever forgive him, but at the same time, he didn't want to be angry anymore. He was sick and tired of being angry. "At the therapist office," Jim responded, still staring out.

Spock didn't answer right away, taking a few long seconds to answer. "I thought I was doing what was best," he replied.

At hearing his response, Jim nearly snapped, and it took everything he had to control his anger. He was tired of people trying to do what they thought was best for him. Why was it everyone else's job to decide that? They had no idea of what was best for him. "Don't lie, Spock," Jim said, turning him. "That was for you."

The Vulcan was taken aback by the comment, looking insulted. "I do not understand what you mean. I did not do this for-"

Sometimes it was difficult to deal with Spock, as he never seemed to understand him, or maybe, that was a trick. Maybe, this was how he got out of talking about anything. "Just shut up and listen, Spock," Jim said, interrupting him.

His former First Officer stared at him, clearly wanting to respond but remaining silent. His stance was as stiff as ever as he listened.

"That was for you," Jim started. Maybe, it was left over from his talk with Salean, but he needed to get everything off his chest. "I don't care what excuses you use, because none of that was for my benefit. There's no justification for you leaving me again, because all it did was made me feel like shit again." Jim paused for a second to breathe. "So how did that help me?" Jim paused, giving Spock a chance to respond, but he was met with silence. "No, seriously. How did that help me?"

Jim glared at Spock, daring him to response, but the Vulcan remained silent. "Be honest, you did it for yourself. You did it to spare yourself. You were too afraid to admit your feelings like you always are. Too afraid to admit that you were wrong, that you were a fool. Too afraid to admit that you don't know everything." He felt his heart race as the words flowed, more so than when he had confronted Salean. "Be honest, you left because you were only thinking of yourself."

Spock was stiff as he took a step toward Jim. "…There is no denying that I was thinking of myself when I walked out of that office. I could not rid myself of the image of you with Selek and how inferior I was to him." There was a pause as the Vulcan gathered his thoughts. "I thought I would only bring you more pain as I would remind you of the past."

"So you thought I would fall apart at seeing you?" Jim asked, eyeing him. With each passing second, he was beginning to think this was a bad idea. What did he hope to accomplish by this? "Do you think I am that weak?"

"You misunderstand, Jim," Spock said, softly. "I do not think you are weak. You are stronger than most of the beings I have ever met, and my comment is not a reflection about you. It is a reflection about me and how weak I am. I could not take seeing you. The pain was too extreme, and I did not wish for you to feel like I do."

Jim couldn't help but feel that the Vulcan was missing the picture, yet there was something that he couldn't deny. He couldn't miss the pain that his ex-lover was feeling, but there was a part of Jim that felt pleasure from that. "So you were thinking of your pain and not mine," he stated slowly, trying to make Spock understand what he was saying. "Through everything, you thought about yourself. You didn't even stop to think of how I was feeling."

Spock didn't answer right away, allowing a few moments to pass. "I am very much ashamed of my actions, and I will never forgive myself." He paused for a few more seconds. "I want nothing more than to make amends for my actions. I know there might not be much that I can do, but I shall not give up."

Isn't that the truth, Jim thought. "No, there isn't."

The Vulcan took another step forward, his eyes glued on Jim. "However, it does not mean that I will not try, Jim. I shall do everything that I can to atone for my actions," he said, his tone changing.

It wasn't what Jim wanted to hear. He wanted to hear Spock give up and move on, as there was no moving back. There was no way they could return to what they were… to what they had between them. "There's nothing, Spock." He couldn't help but flash back to his final days on the Enterprise. "Though I know it doesn't help matters to keep everything in, there is nothing you can do."

"I am aware, but please allow me to try," Spock said.

"Why?" Jim asked. "You showed me nothing but hatred and pain, threatening to take the very thing that gave me meaning." Even now, the memory of Spock threatening to take the Enterprise was almost too much for him to bear. Yes, Jim wanted to move forward, but he still couldn't get passed what happened. At the same time, he realized that he had made mistakes too. He should have handled things differently.

Again, the Vulcan was silent for a few moments before he answered. "I have no decent answer for you, Jim." There was another short pause as if he were trying to work up his courage. "I have hurt you, but at the same time, I was hurting deeply as well, Jim. I was blinded by my heart to notice your pain."

"Sounds like an excuse," Jim replied, feeling annoyed. When he focused on everything he knew deep down he truly wanted to forgive Spock, because he was correct. They both were suffering from a broken heart.

"If you had only told me, Th -Jim," he said, eyeing his former lover. His voice was soft.

Jim had been asking himself the very same thing for a while now. Every time it left him confused and angry, but it was useless as there was no changing the past. Maybe, he should have told them all the truth, but that was a moot point now. He just hoped he could change his future. "It's too late for that now," he answered. "You just need to move on."

"I cannot, Jim. You do not understand what you mean to me."

"I only know what you showed me. I know you would rather listen to the ramblings of a jealous ex than me. I know you already had a foot out the door when we started this relationship. Let's face the facts. You doubted my ability to remain faithful to you from the beginning."

Something changed in Spock as he took another step toward Jim. The ocean roared loudly as it hit the rocky bay, but nothing could take his attention from Jim. "You have things wrong." His voice was still soft, but there was an edge to it now. "It is you, who-" He paused for a second as he stared at Jim. "-had a foot out of the metaphoric door."

"Excuse me?" Jim asked, his anger growing.

"It is not illogical to think so. It was I who had courted you, who cared about you even when you had rejected me," Spock replied. "It was I who asked you to bond with me and you rejected the very thought of it."

Jim could feel his anger growing. He didn't need this. He didn't want to fight with Spock. He wanted to finally say goodbye and close that part of his life, yet the book refused to close. "I didn't reject the thought of it. I just rejected it then, because it was just a tool for you at that moment."

"A tool? Bonding is not a tool and it is an insult to think of it as such."

Jim couldn't see it as anything other than a tool to get him to stay on the Enterprise instead of going to the planet. He wished he listened, but it didn't make any difference. Spock didn't offer to go through the sacred Vulcan ritual out of wanting to truly bond with him. "You said it to stop me, and that isn't how you ask someone to marry you, Spock," he said.

Spock's hands flinched behind his lower back as he his arms remained stiff. "It may have not been the correct time, but I meant it fully. I did not know understand the purpose of love until I met you."

"You have a funny way of showing it."

"There are so many things that I can say, but I know nothing I say will change it." Spock took another step closer to Jim, who only stared. "And to know that you could not tell me the truth breaks my heart even more."

"Like you gave me a chance, Spock," Jim snapped back. "I asked- no, begged you to give me a chance to explain, but you walked out on me, telling it was all just an experiment. Did you forget that?"

Again, there was a long pause before the Vulcan answered. "I can never forget that. It has haunted me since the very moment I walked out that door."

"Haunted you? You have no idea of what haunted means. You could sleep. I could not, not with my endless nightmares. You slept in your bed as I spent hours laying on the floor, trying to sleep. You could walk through the Enterprise in silence with the respect of the crew. I could not. I was tormented and disrespected as I walked through the ship. Yes, I was the Captain and I could've-no, should've taken control, but I couldn't. I couldn't even look at myself without feeling ashamed, wondering what I did to deserve this," Jim ranted. "There was a short time that thought I deserved all of it."

"Jim," Spock said sternly but softly. "You have no reason to feel ashamed and it angers me so to know that I was behind it. I allowed my pain to blind me and… I am allowing it to do so again. You are correct. I allowed the pain to drive me from you at the therapist office. I… was scared as I could not handle your anger. I cannot lose you again." He took another step forward.

To hear Spock sound so broken nearly made Jim want to forgive the Vulcan as he truly felt sorry for what he had done. There was no doubt that his former love regretted everything that happened, but it didn't change anything. Spock's hate filled eyes were burned into his mind. "…You have already lost me, Spock."

"Jim, allow me a chance to court you again. I know you had said that you would never allow me to take care of you, but I will spend the rest of my life, Jim, trying to do so."

Jim closed his eyes as he took a step back. He needed to think as all of his emotions were rushing back in one giant wave. This was why he didn't want to talk to Spock, because it was too much. "I can't, Spock. I just can't," he finally said, after a few seconds of silence.

"Jim," he said, sounding broken.

With a deep breath, Jim slowly opened his eyes and stepped away. "I know you're sorry, but I can't. I just can't. I have to move forward, which I am trying to do, and this talk is something that needed to happen. This doesn't mean it can go back to the way it was before our lives became a living nightmare. We both need to move on and heal."

Spock took a step toward Jim, reaching for him. His hand froze as it nearly touched his T'hyla's arm, the limb flinching. He slowly moved his arm back to his side, watching as the muscles in Jim's arm calmed down. He was silent for a few seconds. "…I apologize, Jim. I should have not reached for you," he said, withdrawing his hand.

The flinch annoyed him, but it wasn't because Spock tried to touch him. The involuntary movement was a sign of weakness in Jim's eyes. This was why he needed time. Time to decide what he wanted to really do with his life… to decide if he could ever love someone again. "It isn't you. It's me." He paused with a deep sigh. "I need time. You need time. I'm upset and hurting. And even if I let this anger go, there isn't a chance for us. All I see when I look at you is that look of disgust, Spock, and I need to get past that."

"I have wronged you, and I desire nothing more than to right it. There are no words to describe how badly I have wronged you, and it is something I must correct." Spock was giving him a pleading look that Jim didn't think was possible from the Vulcan. "It is true that I do not deserve it, and it is a punishment I shall take if you desire it."

Jim's eye twitched, because Spock made it hard to be angry with him. "Right now, I need time and space. Please allow me that. Please, Spock. You need this too."

"While you are aboard the Providence and away from the Enterprise?"

Jim took a few steps away from the Vulcan to put space between them. "Yes," he said, firmly. He paused for a second before he asked, "You don't think I can handle the ship?" ew

He knew Spock and Selek both disliked the idea, not believing he was ready for the ship, and at that time, they were correct. Even now, the Captain had some doubts, but now he was better equipped, with a solid team to support him.

"I have learned that you can handle anything. Your strength surpasses mine."

The remark meant something to Jim, and he could feel a small amount of warmth in his chest. "Thanks, Spock."

"Why do you not take the Enterprise instead?" his former first Officer asked.

The warm feeling instantly evaporated. "Spock, I-"

The Vulcan didn't give chance to reject him. "Do not worry. I will do what I have promised and resign from the Enterprise. It is where you belong."

Just as it did before, the idea struck Jim hard, because he couldn't see being the Captain of that ship without Spock. "No, Spock. There are too many memories there. I need a fresh start." Taking the Providence would be hard enough as is, and he had no doubt that he would be haunted by bad memories if he went back to the Enterprise.

"I understand."

Jim turned to Spock, studying his face. He could see the pain rise in his ex-lover's face as he realized that they were over. There was a part of him that doubted that Spock would give up completely, but hopefully, it would be with enough time that Jim wasn't filled with anger. "And Spock, stay away from Salean and his father. Nothing good will come from it, and besides, revenge is not the answer."

"He deserves nothing less than death," Spock said, coldly.

"I can't help but agree, but he's right where he deserves to be. Plus, he knows he's screwed. I saw his face when he realized it," Jim said, feeling pleased about that. Just knowing that Salean was in jail lifted his spirits, and he could start to live his life again.

"You have a point, but he deserves much worse."

Jim let out a sigh, knowing that was no arguing that point with Spock. As he thought about what was happening now, he realized they needed to move on. "You need to let go and forgive yourself. I need to forgive myself as well." It had been a long journey for Jim, but he was getting there.

"I… You would be correct, but I do not believe I would ever be able to after the pain that I have caused you," he replied.

With a deep breath, Jim stared at Spock for a long silence, wondering if he could forgive him. He knew before talking to Salean, he wasn't ready to forgive his former lover. He couldn't see past his anger, and he couldn't let go of the thought that Spock was at fault somewhat. Yet after meeting Salean, he knew the only one at fault was Salean. In the aftermath both he and Spock had been controlled by their pain, as it overshadowed everything, making it difficult for either of them to think clearly. Yes, he was still angry with Spock, but he finally understood his actions.

"Spock…" Jim started, drifting off. He knew what he wanted to say, but he never realized how difficult it would be to get the words out. It was like there was a lump in his throat, making it hard to breathe. After a deep breath, he started again. He paused again as nothing came out. Another deep breath, he said, "…if it helps, I… f-forgive you."

Spock's eyes widened in shock. "Captain," he said, softly.

Jim could see the hope in Spock's eyes which killed him. "But it doesn't change anything between us," he quietly said.

They stared at each other in complete silence for a long while before Spock was able to speak. "I understand."

Jim took another deep breath as he couldn't bear this. Sure, the conversion had lifted something off his mind and made him feel better even with the heartbreak. It let him finally speak the things that he wanted to say. It helped him work through his pain, but he needed space. "I'm sorry, Spock, that's everything I can give you."

"I understand."

He hated to hear those words from Spock as there was a part of him that wanted the Vulcan to fight for him. "I have to go and meet McCoy for dinner," he said, turning from his former First Officer. He couldn't take the face that Spock was making at McCoy's name.

Without another word, Jim walked away with his eyes straight ahead. He slowly counted as he tried to clear his mind and keep his emotions in check. As each step took him closer to the place where he would meet up with McCoy, he knew it was another small step in the long road to recovery.


*O*O*


Doing his best to keep a certain Vulcan out of his head, the future Captain of the Providence kept his gaze forward as he walked. It would do no good to be so focused on his ex, because there was no changing the past no matter how hard Jim wished she could.

Just as Jim cleared his mind, he spotted McCoy leaning against the outer wall of the hamburger shop. He had a guarded look on his face as he mindlessly looked out. Sure, he and Bones were talking again, but they weren't the best friends they had been before. There was some doubt in Jim's mind that they would ever get that close again. Then as he looked back at what the Doctor had gone through to save him, he wasn't sure he wanted to give up on something that he had counted on for so long.

"Geez, Bones, why so blue?" Jim asked, after he got within earshot of the doctor.

McCoy flinched at the sound of Jim's voice, but he easily recovered. "That took longer than I expected."

Jim's mind automatically skimmed through the conversion with Spock. Even now, it amazed Jim how many emotions he had just gone through: anger, fear, sadness, depression, and pain. "I got out what I needed to."

"So it went well?" he asked, not moving from the wall.

Jim thought about a response. Yes, he was thinking about giving their friendship another go, especially after realizing that McCoy was the reason why he was alive and even in Starfleet to begin with. However, the stress of the conversation with Spock was still fresh in his mind, leaving him not ready to open himself up completely to him. "McCoy," he uttered.

His former best friend let out a sigh. "I understand, Jim. It's fine."

"Bones," he uttered.

"No, I get it," McCoy said with a heavy breath. "Maybe, I should leave."

This was not want Jim wanted. "No, stay,"

The Doctor let out a sigh as Jim's name escaped from his lips. "Jim."

"This is going to be a long road, and we might not get there, but you showed me that you're truly sorry and that you're willing to die for me," Jim explained. No matter what happened, he would never forget what McCoy had done. He was willing to die for him, and that meant more to the Captain than anything. It also meant something that McCoy hadn't given up and forgotten about him, when he resigned from the Enterprise. From what Selek and Admiral Pike had told him, McCoy was determined to find out what actually happened. "Let's take this one step at the time."

Jim let out another sigh. "Let's just look toward the future. The past is the past, and there's nothing we can do." He was sick of dealing with the past and wanted something new. He wanted to get passed the flinches, the feelings of shame and guilt, and the self-doubt. He wanted to be the Captain that he been before, the man who faced down anything.

"Jim." There was a long pause as McCoy stared at him before replying, "Can I say something? I…It was never about choosing Spock over you. It was about me feeling like I needed to clean up after you. I felt like I had to always babysit you, and when you came back, I thought you had done something stupid again. I thought you had thrown everything away and expected me to clean up for you. I allowed myself to be controlled by my stupid emotions and I'm so sorry."

The apology angered Jim somewhat as it sounded like McCoy thought it was his fault. However after the initial anger died down, Jim understood him as there were countless times that the Doctor had to bail him out. He had put his own reputation on the line to save Jim's, and Jim had taken those times for granted. It would make sense that he would push his friend over the edge at some point.

"We both were stupid. I should've told you the truth, but I was…" Even now, Jim had a hard time admitting it. He knew he had nothing to be ashamed of as he had done nothing wrong. It was Salean, who should be ashamed. "…I was scared to admit what had really happened, and it was that fear that cost me everything." Jim let out a sigh. "You know. That fear taught me something about myself. It showed me how strong fear is, and that's something I will never forget."

"Why me?" McCoy asked, suddenly.

"Why you what?" Jim asked confused.

McCoy pushed off the wall, glancing slightly into the restaurant. His eyes rested on Pavel Chekov and Montgomery Scott, who were drinking inside. It appeared as if they were waiting for Jim. "Why me? Why not Spock? Why forgive me and not him, well that is if you forgave me at all?"

"Oh," Jim mumbled, staring at McCoy. It was true that he had never said he had forgiven McCoy, but he could feel it. He didn't know why or when he had forgiven the doctor. He just did.

With a deep breath, Jim took a few steps toward McCoy. "I don't know when or how, but I can't be mad at you, not after everything….and I understand why. Yes, it still hurts, but I understand. Besides, I didn't give you clue. I allowed you to think like that, so it's my fault as well."

"Jim."

"It's okay. I forgive you, Bones."

"Jim… I… don't know what to say."

Jim smiled slightly as he patted McCoy on the shoulder. "You already showed me that you're sorry. You came with me to see Salean, even if you didn't agree with it, so thank you."

McCoy smiled back. "No, I should be thanking you. You showed more strength than I ever thought possible."

With a sighing laugh, Jim smiled. "I think this has been a hard time for all of us." Sure, no one went through what he did, but they had all gone through a nightmare. Now it was time for healing. "Let's talk about something else and get something to eat."

McCoy glanced back to Scotty and Chekov, who had yet to see them. "Are you trying to fix things with Spock too?" he asked, unable to help himself.

Jim turned from McCoy and took a few steps toward the busy street. He stared out into the darkness for a few seconds before he turned back to his friend. "Yes," he thought to himself "My friend." "I need space with Spock."

"So that's a no."

With another deep sigh, Jim stepped passed McCoy to the door of the restaurant. "You didn't break my heart, Bones. I found myself hoping for once. I was thinking of ma-" Jim started but cutting himself off. He didn't want to say the word as it was too painful to even think about it. He had allowed Spock in and it left him shattered. This was why he didn't want to let him in in the first place. It was the reason why he only allowed himself one night stands. The pain was almost too much to handle.

"Jim, I…" Bones started but drifted off. It was clear he had no idea of what to say.

Jim shook his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. "I think we've been out here long enough. Let's go in and get something to eat. I am starving."

McCoy shifted uncomfortably as he glanced back at the restaurant. "I think I should leave. I have to do rounds in the morning."

Jim turned on a dime. "Why? Did I say something?" he asked. Yes, they had a difficult path in front of them, but he was willing to try if Bones was willing to do the same.

"No, it's not that." He sighed, pausing for a few seconds. "I just don't want to cause trouble."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jim snapped, stepping back to McCoy.

McCoy turned and stepped slowly to the door of the restaurant. Even with the closed door, he could hear the loud music. His eyes landed on Scott and Chekov as they talked animatedly. "I don't think Mr. Scott and the kid would like that, especially the kid. They don't care for me lately, not that I blame them."

Jim laughed as he peaked in to see his future Chief Engineer and Navigator. "If you keep calling Chekov a kid, I don't see that changing any time soon," he said.

"Jim, I don't want to make any trouble."

"Well, they're going to have get used to it. I can't have that on the Providence," Jim said as he reached for the door. "Let's go. I so need a burger."

Bones gave him a look. "What are you talking about? On the Providence? I won't be there to cause trouble."

The Captain gave him a smile. "Why wouldn't my Chief Medical Officer be on board?" he joked.

McCoy's eyes widened as he stared at Jim with his mouth wide open. It took a moment to get the words out. "What?" he uttered, unable to say anything else.

"Well that's if you want the post. I can understand if you don't," Jim said nervously. He didn't know what he would do if McCoy turned him down. It was a big step for Jim to offer this to McCoy, and he had been nervous to bring it up. How would the Doctor respond? Would he even want to the post after everything that happened?

"What about M'Benga?" McCoy asked. "Surely after everything you would rather have him."

Jim shrugged as he stepped back to McCoy. "No offense to M'Benga, but his medical skills do not compete with yours, and besides, it would take too long to train him like I trained you."

"Trained me?" McCoy asked, his eyebrow raised, briefly reminding Jim of a certain Vulcan. "I am not cattle."

Jim laughed. "No, not cattle. More like a dog."

"What have I gotten myself into?" McCoy joked.

"So will you take it, Bones? Or do I need to beg?" Jim asked, hitting him in the shoulders. "Besides, I think M'Benga would be better suited for the Enterprise. He knows more about Vulcan biology than you." He chuckled again as he thought about McCoy and Spock being alone for an extended period of time. "I don't see you and Spock being best buds."

McCoy laughed loudly. "Ain't that the truth! I thought I was going to go crazy. He never wanted to seek medical attention, just like a certain Captain I know."

"Hey, I'm not that bad." McCoy gave him look. "Okay, so I'm that bad, but you know I'm loveable and you can't get enough of me."

Leonard let out another laugh. "You're something else."

Jim laughed loudly. "So are you in?"

"Yes. I'm in."

With that, Jim was instantly warmed, something he hadn't felt in some time. Feeling like this, he knew he had nothing to worry about. He was going to be alright, and he was going to be the best Captain in Starfleet. He was ready to go back into space. "Let's eat."

McCoy glanced back inside before he looked at Jim. "Let's eat, but don't let it go to your head. Once we're on the Provident, you aren't going to be eating like this and I'll be keeping an eye on your diet. We can't have you getting a belly."

Jim glanced down at his stomach and chuckled. He patted his stomach as he said, "Pssh, I will never lose this figure."

"If you keep eating all those hamburgers, you will."

Jim waved him off as he opened the door. He was blasted by the loud music and sound of people enjoying themselves. There was a smile on his face as he stepped in. He had no doubt that he could handle being a Captain, and now there was a small ache for the Captain's chair that was growing inside of him. The only thing on his mind was how his little Russian guard was going to handle working with McCoy. Jim wasn't sure, but he was willing to find out.


THE END

Author note:

I know it doesn't seem real. I have been writing this for so long that I never thought I would have finished it. So thank you, because if it wasn't for you guys, I would not have finished this without you. So thank you. I would like to thank MoonstarWorld because she is awesome. She had helped me so much and I don't know what I would do without her.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know some maybe upset about Spock and Jim, but I did not feel like I would do this story justice if I did end it like this. After a break, I might do Sequel or a One Shot to tie up everything.

Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed this story. I know I did.

Peace out.