Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. It is not being distributed for profit. Stephenie Meyer owns the copyright to the Twilight Saga. No copyright infringement is intended.

Reminder: This story is rated M and may not be appropriate for readers under the age of 18.


Chapter 28

March 2010

BPOV

In the silvery haze of my dream, I set out to find him. My dream lover, the one who had been there for me for so many years. The man who, at times, had been my reason for living. He had loved me secretly, tenderly, in the cloudy, parallel universe of my dreams — and I had loved it, and him, so very much — so much that I guarded that secret world with my life, ignoring my body's own warning signs in order to protect the perfection of my dreams.

I came upon him in a forest. Although some time had passed since I last saw him, he still took my breath away. He would always be my first love. I looked up at him and, as I had come to expect, saw only a blurry mask instead of any details of his face. But in all other respects, he appeared in perfect clarity, like an animated version of Michelangelo's David come to life in my dream.

I took a steadying breath and said, "We need to talk."

* * *

I had made the decision a few days before. It was time. It was past the time, really.

It struck me in a moment of clarity when I was in the hospital after my seizure. I had woken up in a confused state, not knowing where I was. Dr. Peterson was there, and he explained to me that I had a seizure and they were doing some tests to see what had caused it. He also assured me that Edward was waiting for me in another part of the hospital with his father.

Then Dr. Peterson started asking me a series of questions about my medical history. It all seemed pretty routine until he asked whether I had ever had dizzy spells, severe headaches, or seizures before. I thought back to the episodes that had started when I was a student at Cornell. The headaches, the dizziness, my own fear that I had a grand mal seizure disorder. When I explained my past incidents to Dr. Peterson, his expression did not change, but he started writing furiously on my chart.

That's when I knew. Whatever this was, it was bad. He wouldn't be writing it all down otherwise.

Oh shit. Shitshitshitshit. I was scared. What had I done to myself?

For years I had ignored my own symptoms because I hadn't wanted anything to take my dreams away, and I believed that whatever caused the seizure-like effects was the same thing that allowed me to be with my dream lover. But now . . . oh, shitshitshit . . . instead of subsisting on my dreams, I had found real love with Edward . . . Edward, whom I could reach out and touch in my waking life . . . Edward, who walked beside me every day and who held me every night . . . Edward, who supported me in every way . . . Edward, who was not a dream, but was real. I would give up my dream lover in a heartbeat — I would give anything up — if I could just have Edward. If I could just be all right enough not to be torn away from the best thing that had ever happened to me.

But had I pushed my luck too far? Ignored my health for too long? Shit.

Once my tests were over and they brought me back to Edward, there was no mistaking the anguish in his eyes. He seemed nearly out of his mind with worry, and his hair was sticking up in every direction. I had no doubt that he had been frantically running his hands through it as he contemplated what might be wrong with me. Even now he was aimlessly tugging on tufts, seemingly unaware he was doing so.

Not wanting to worry him even more, I put on a brave face. When he started to tell me how worried he was about losing me, I shushed him. Even though I was just as scared as he was, I had to cling to the hope that everything might turn out all right. I had to wait and see if the doctors could salvage the mess that I might have made with my own health.

When Edward and I went to Ithaca the next day to get my PET scan, we drove right past my old dorm. I thought back on all the sweet memories of my dream lover, who had visited me in that very dorm night after night, transforming my humble room into a utopia where dreams came true. My dream man had brought me love, acceptance, and joy. He made me feel beautiful and wanted. Whatever state of consciousness had allowed me to be with him, I had embraced it without reservation.

And now it was time to deal with the consequences.

So, that night, I persuaded Edward to get out of the apartment, to leave me alone for the evening and go hunting. He needed to take better care of himself, especially if whatever was wrong with me turned out to be serious. I knew that if my situation was really bad, there would be no limit to the self-sacrifices he would make to take care of me. The best I could do now was make sure he at least fed himself.

But I had also wanted Edward to go hunting so that I could be alone. If I was right and my condition had allowed me to create an alternate reality that I shared with an amalgamation of my perfect man, it was all about to go away. The treatment for my illness would obliterate the dream world, I felt sure. And I needed to let it go. I couldn't be with my dream lover anymore, not since Edward had become the center of my life. If I were to continue to be with my dream lover, even just for subconscious emotional support, I would feel like I was betraying Edward.

So tonight, I was going to say goodbye, once and for all, to the man who had been the best dream I had ever had.

I kissed Edward at the door and sent him off to hunt. Shortly afterwards, I went to bed, determined to enter my dream world and find the man who dwelled there.

* * *

"What do you want to talk about, Bella?" my dream lover asked me after I had found him.

"Come with me," I said, reaching out for his hand. I pulled him along, and in that amorphous way that is unique to dreams, the woods around us dissolved into the familiar setting of my bedroom. I let go of his hand and sat on the edge of the bed, gesturing for him to sit beside me. Tentatively, he did so, and waited for me to speak.

Although I knew what I had to do, I was overwhelmed with sadness. He was so dear to me. He had always been the perfect lover and friend, his strength a constant comfort to me. And he had done nothing to deserve what I was about to do.

A sob slipped out as I said to him, "You're my first love."

"I was planning to be your last," was his response, as he took my hand again.

I lowered my head and more sobs escaped. God, this hurt. I didn't know if I could get through it. "You have meant so much to me. More than you could know."

He stiffened a little. "Why are you speaking in the past tense, love?"

I had to say it. "Because I can't be with you anymore." I couldn't stop the tears from running down my cheeks.

"What? What do you mean?" His arms reached for me then, but I resisted. "Bella." A pause. "Love?"

"No," I said, choking on my sobs and turning my shoulder away from him. "Don't make it any harder than it is." I wanted nothing more than the comfort of his embrace, but I couldn't be that selfish, that cruel.

"What are you saying? You can't mean this," he said, his voice stilted with pain and bewilderment.

I spilled out a rush of words in an attempt to explain. "I have to say goodbye to you. It's . . . complicated. I'm sick. And I think the doctors are about to take away my ability be with you. But even if that weren't true, I wouldn't be able to be with you anymore."

"Take away . . . what?" He was confused. "Why can't we be together anymore?"

"Because there's . . . someone else." There, I'd done it.

"Some . . . one . . . else?" he repeated slowly, sounding crushed. From the rasping sound his breath made as he drew it in, I knew my words pained him deeply. "You want to be with someone else?" He asked again, as if he couldn't believe it.

"Yes." Guilt pressed on my chest like a heavy weight. It was hard to breathe. "I'm so sorry," I whispered.

After a long pause, my dream lover let out a resigned sigh. "I hope he's worthy of you."

"I am not sure I'm worthy of him," I answered. "He is so good to me, and I love him so much. I can't be without him. And because of him, I can't be with you anymore."

"Bella, listen to me," he said, trying to talk me out of it. "You're sick. You don't know what you're saying."

"I know I'm sick," I agreed. Deciding to tell him more, I explained, "I had a PET scan today at the Cornell hospital, and I go back to the doctor on Monday to find out for sure what's wrong with me." And, adding the piece of information that I had wanted to shield Edward from knowing, I confessed, "I am so scared. I've never been so scared in my life."

"I know," my lover soothed me. "I'm scared, too." And this time, when he tried to pull me into his arms, I didn't resist. It was a natural instinct for us both, and I was too selfish to stop it as I relaxed into his embrace.

His hand rubbed up and down my back as I rested my head on his chest and kept confessing. "I know there's something wrong with me. I can feel it." Not wanting him to mistake my meaning, I continued, "But whatever is wrong with me, I can't cope with it in a dream. I have to deal with it in reality. And that means saying goodbye to you and embracing real life, no matter what it brings."

Understanding seemed to dawn on him as he absorbed what I said. "You want to be with your real-life lover from now on, is that it?"

I took a deep breath and held it for a second. "Yes," I said, letting out a long exhale. "That's it exactly." I was relieved that he seemed to understand.

I reached up to touch his face then, regretting once more that I had never seen it clearly. "I can't go through life in a dream anymore."

"And you think that means saying goodbye to me?" he asked. "Because I'm just a dream? A fantasy?"

I nodded my head as I hugged him, mourning the loss of our beautiful first love. But I knew I had to make this choice for myself and Edward.

"You will always be in my heart," I told him.

"Yes, love," he said, "Always. And you in mine."

I was crying hard by then.

"Shhhh," he said calmly, stroking my hair, my back. "It will be all right." Then he took my upper arms in his hands and pushed gently to get me to sit up.

"You should open the door now." No longer sounding hurt, he was instead soothing, encouraging me. I was astounded at his unselfishness.

I blinked dumbly at him, not understanding what he meant.

"It's all right now," he said again. "Just open the door."

He put his hand on the side of my face and leaned down to kiss my forehead. "Just open the door now," he said gently. "I love you. It will be all right. Open the door."

He repeated the same thing like a mantra until he dissolved from view.

His words still rung in my ears as I got up from the bed and stumbled to the front door of my apartment. In a daze, I automatically began undoing the locks. Grasping the knob in my hand, I turned it and flung open the door, not knowing what I would find.

It took my eyes a moment to focus, because they were still filled with tears. But once I could see, there was no mistaking him. He was there, in the hallway, sitting down just outside the door. Dry sobs still shook his frame, and yet at the same time he seemed to be laughing with joy.

He looked up at me and broke into a beatific smile that radiated awe and wonder.

"I told you it would be all right if you opened the door," he said to me.

It was Edward.

* * *

EPOV

The emotional impact of what happened had thrown me to my knees. One minute I was hunting in the forest, the next minute Bella had appeared before me in a fantasy and tried to break up with me. In my sorrow, I began running back to her apartment, needing to get to her, needing to break the spell of this nightmare where Bella was breaking my heart and telling me that she was in love with someone else.

But as I listened to Bella in my fantasy, it finally dawned on me. Despite the fact that it was impossible, despite the fact that it was unbelievable, the truth struck me like a bolt of lightning and it could not be denied. Although I had suspected things here and there over the years, I knew it with certainty now. Bella and I were more than real-life lovers. We had been lovers for all of these years in another dimension as well.

My fantasies, Bella's dreams, all of them had been real. Our fantastical connection was real. It always had been.

Bella staggered at the shock of seeing me in the hallway. In an instant I was on my feet and swooped her into my arms.

"Edward?" She looked at me in surprise. "What is happening?" Her cheeks were still streaked with tears.

I kissed her lips and carried her back across the threshold into her apartment, closing the door behind us.

"You're not really breaking up with me, are you?" I asked with a roguish grin.

"But . . . what? . . . How did you know?" She stammered, clearly thinking about the conversation she just had with the lover of her dreams, and not understanding how I could know about it.

Before I could answer, understanding lit up her eyes. "It was you?" she said, astonished. "You were the man in my dreams?! It was real, all this time?"

"Yes, I think so," I said. "Your dreams, my fantasies," I nodded. "They were our reality."

"I can't believe it! I thought I was crazy!" Her words came out in a rush as she scrambled to put years' worth of puzzle pieces together. "He smelled just like you and he knew my name and he said some of the same things that you said and— " Suddenly she stopped.

"You said 'fantasies.' Is that how you saw me? While I dreamed about you, you were imagining me?"

"I believe so, yes." I brought my lips to hers, tasting Bella mixed with the salt of her tears. "I have wanted you from the first moment I set eyes on you, and for years I fantasized that you were mine." I kissed her again.

She threw her body around me and laughed.

"You know what this means, don't you?" I asked, trying to sound serious and failing, as my own laughter bubbled to the surface.

"What?" she asked, pulling her face back to look me in the eyes.

"I think this means we're destined to be together, no matter what," I answered earnestly.

"I think so, too," she agreed. "Between this and the powerful force that brought you back to me, I think the universe might be trying to tell us something. Oh my god!" She sounded as awestruck as I felt.

And then she kissed me with so much passion that my knees nearly buckled. Swiftly I carried her to the bedroom and laid her on the bed.

"Bella, love, do you think it's possible that we could outdo ourselves? I mean, top what we've already done in my fantasies and your dreams?" I was standing by the side of the bed and stripping off my clothes. With an air of mischief, I raised my eyebrows twice in quick succession.

With a knowing glint in her eye, Bella sat up and whipped her t-shirt over her head, and scooted out of her panties. Then she laid back against the pillows, naked and perfect as an angel, and opened her arms to me. "Oh, I think we can do that, Edward." She grinned. "We should at least try, shouldn't we?"

"No harm in trying. Right. Words to live by," I said as I leapt to the bed and enveloped myself in her scent, her body, her love.

Bella, the woman of my fantasies, the love of my life, was real. She always had been.

And so we spent the rest of the weekend embracing the reality of our love, and holding back the reality of Monday at 9:00 a.m. as long as we possibly could.

A/N:

Whew! So, E/B finally figured out that they'd been connecting in another dimension all these years. Did it play out the way you hoped it would?

Final-round voting for the Indie TwiFic Awards is scheduled to open tonight and run through Sunday (July 22 - July 26, 2009). Perchance to Dream is a finalist for the Best Collaboration award. For more information, please see www[dot]theindietwificawards[dot]com. Thanks!

Songs for Chapter 28 (It's "open the door day" on the playlist!)

92. Open Your Eyes, by Snow Patrol. For Edward trying to get Bella to see that the dreams are real.

93. Open the Door, by Otis Redding. For Edward sitting outside Bella's door and telling her in the dream to open the door.

94. Let My Love Open the Door, by Pearl Jam. Same as above.

95. Let Me In, by The Sensations. Because I came across it by accident and it was too cute to leave out.

Listen to the playlist by visiting my profile or going to
www . playlist . com/playlist/16715134219

Huge thanks as ever to FantasyMother. Please drop by our thread on the Twilighted forum in the Alternate Universe section.
www[dot]twilighted[dot]net/forum

More chapters on the way Thursday and Friday. Thanks for reading!