Chapter 23: June – July 2012

A/N: Thank you all so much for setting my mind at ease regarding my first ever venture into writing sexy times. Here's some more … as well as some serious discussions :)


I'm dragged into consciousness reluctantly. It's still dark, and a glance at my alarm clock tells me that it's not yet 5am. Why am I awake? Perplexed, I sit up, wrapping the sheets around my naked torso. Naked? Ah … Memories of making love with Edward flood my mind: the intimacy of the moment, the wave of ecstasy his fingers caressed through me, the feeling of being wholly connected, the overwhelming love and joy and completeness I felt watching Edward give himself over to his own pleasure. The small smile that overtakes me fades as I process Edward's absence from my bed.

I slip from my bed, my bare feet padding softly through my flat as I go in search of my love. I can hear very faint music playing, and I roll my eyes as I wander into the lounge room. As I expected, my boy is perched on the couch, his new guitar in his arms. He's plucking out a tune that I assume is one he's in the middle of composing, and he's singing, so very softly. I cock my head, straining to hear the words as they fall from his lips.

In her blackest night,
In her darkest hour
My name falls from her lips.
Head thrown back
Lost for words
As ecstasy runs through her veins

She lets me see her naked soul
She bears her heart for me
And she says,
"I'm yours, all yours
Take what you want
I'll give it all to you."

I smile, shaking my head at the silly, adorable man before me.

"So, my love, it seems you'd rather play with that gift than this one," I murmur, indicating my naked form, as he looks up in surprise. A wicked smirk stretches his full lips as he processes my provocation.

"No, sweet girl, rather, that gift inspired me so much that I needed to come and play with this one, rather than give in to the temptation to wake you up and beg you for another … gift."

"Trust me, Edward, you never need to beg," my voice is low and suggestive, and Edward's eyes darken in response. A small part of my mind is mildly surprised that I seem to be pulling this seduction thing off successfully, but the bulk of my attention is focused on Edward's mouth; his tongue drags across his bottom lip as he surveys my bare figure.

I extend my hand to him, thrilled at the speed with which he divests himself of his instrument and crosses the room toward me. His guitar had hidden from me the fact that he, too, is still unclothed. His hands move to my hips, holding me at arm's length, his eyes caressing my body.

"So beautiful. Look at you, my love, naked, stunning in the moonlight."

I look at the ground, feeling slightly abashed, but Edward's finger curls under my chin, gently forcing me to look into his eyes, which glint in the darkling room.

"Don't hide from me, love." His finger moves from my chin, tracing a line down my throat, between my breasts to my belly. A shudder overtakes me at his gentle touch, and Edward's low, throaty chuckle sends an arrow of desire straight to the core of my being.

His lips are on mine in an instant, a deep groan ripping from his throat as our warm bodies press together, an electric current humming where our bare skin connects. My hands make their way to Edward's hair, tugging him closer as lips and tongues devour. His hands trace the curves of my hips, before abruptly ducking to my thighs, lifting me into his arms. My legs wrap around his waist, pulling myself as close to him as I am physically able, my whimpers of need and desperation muffled by Edward's lips on my own.

Gasping for air, I throw my head back, and Edward's lips find my exposed neck, kissing and sucking with increasing desire. Suddenly, we are in motion and Edward backs me into the wall, his assault on my body unceasing. And yet, even in the midst of this, even in this moment of unspeakable passion and urgency, he is gentle with me, carefully cradling my head and shoulders. I writhe against him, needing friction, needing something to ease the growing ache. Mewling and whimpering, my hips buck against him, groaning in relief when he adjusts his body to line me up with his arousal.

"Please, Edward, please."

"You never have to beg either, love," he whispers, and once again we are moving, heading for the bedroom whilst I continue to rock against him, crying out in need.

"Shh, love, shh. Let me take care of you," croons Edward, as he gently lays me down on my bed, his hands moving over me. His lips follow his fingertips as they trace across my torso, causing me to arch and moan at the intense sensations coursing through me. They travel lower, and soon Edward's talented fingers are stroking and caressing and I feel the coil within begin to tighten. Part of me wonders if I should be embarrassed as I cry out and thrash about on the pillows but it's difficult to focus on anything other than the sensations Edward is drawing from my body. When the wave of pleasure reaches its peak, my entire body bows off the bed, wracked with bliss.

Panting, my body dripping with perspiration, I can feel Edward's gentle touch; soothing me as I float down from the high he has brought me to. Even in the lowlight of predawn, I can see the adoration and love in his dark eyes.

"Come here," I whisper, tugging on his shoulders until his face is level with mine. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, my Bella," he murmurs, ducking his head to join his lips with mine.

Gently, Edward lines our bodies up and reverently, he finds his way inside of me, groaning in pleasure as we unite in this, most intimate of ways. Again, our movements are awkward, trying to match the movement of our hips. I giggle at my lack of co-ordination, and I can feel Edward's chest shake as he chuckles quietly above me. He stills his movements, looking down at me with love and adulation in his eyes.

"Hang on," he whispers, and carefully, he rolls us over so that I am now above him. "Sit up, love."

I comply nervously, feeling exposed as I sit above him, our bodies still connected.

"Don't be shy, love. You have no need to hide. You are beautiful, I love you."

I nod, convicted by the sincerity that sparks in his eyes. Edward's hands grip my hips, and carefully he begins to move me against him. This different position, this new angle, causes me to moan in delight, and soon I take over from Edward in directing our rhythm. Edward's hands wander from my hips to my breasts, causing me to arch in pleasure. My orgasm is unexpected, crashing over me with no warning as I continue to rock over Edward's prone form. I feel Edward's fingers move back to my hips, gripping me firmly as he speeds the movement of his own hips, and then he is arching and groaning, while I watch in open-mouthed fascination.

When his eyes flutter open again, a lazy smile curves his lips, and I can't help but giggle at the look of utter satiation on his handsome face. His smirk becomes wicked as he looks at me, still hovering above him.

"Look at you, sweet girl. Perched above me like a goddess. I want you again. I'll never get enough of you."

I giggle sleepily, easing our bodies apart and laying my head down on his chest. Edward's hands go to my hair, stroking through the long tendrils gently. His lips find my forehead and I sigh happily, a level of contentment I have never before known creeping over me.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"Were you writing a song about me … uh, having, you know … an orgasm?"

"Uh … Yes and no." I feel the movement of his chest as he sighs beneath me. "I was … inspired by making love to you, but no, love I wasn't writing anything explicit, and it's one I'll never perform –"

"It's okay, silly boy, I'm not worried about that. I'm flattered it was that inspiring."

"Oh Bella, you've no idea, love," Edward growls. I laugh sleepily, nuzzling my head under his chin. "Sleep now, sweetheart. We have forever for me to show you just how much you inspire me."

The sun is streaming through the open curtains of my bedroom when I stir again. Contentedly, I smile, snuggling in tighter to Edward's chest. When I feel the vibrations of his chuckle underneath me, my head snaps back up in his direction. My smart comment dies on my lips as I see the utter joy in my sweet boy's eyes as he regards me. His unadulterated happiness is breathtaking.

"I love you," I murmur, grimacing a little as discomfort creeps into my awareness.

"I love you too. Bella, what's wrong?"

"Uh, it's nothing, I just feel a little gross. Ugh, I just feel a bit sticky," I grimace, wrinkling my nose. Edward smiles and places a kiss on my nose, before he lifts me off him and pulls me out of bed.

"Sorry, love, I should have cleaned us up before we fell asleep again."

"It's okay, I think I'd like a shower though," I shrug. Edward smiles gently, tugging me towards the bathroom.

Once we are clean, dry and dressed, Edward suggests we head out for breakfast. I readily agree, enjoying the warmth of the summer sunshine, and the feel of Edward's hand in mine as we make our way to our favourite café.


The long summer break means I have no classes and very few responsibilities, which suits Edward and I perfectly as we continue to explore this new dimension to our relationship. As tempting as it is to spend all our time sequestered in the bedroom, my body objects, unused to the vigorous activities I'm subjecting it to. This forces us to spend time talking and dreaming, planning our future, and continuing to learn more of each other.

Edward and Emmett are starting to scout locations for a possible studio, whilst Emmett has some time off between films. Occasionally, I go with them, though I prefer to leave them to it; as much as I enjoy watching Edward's face light up with boyish enthusiasm he imagines all the ways he could utilize the space, my interest in empty warehouses is woefully lacking.

One such occasion is on Wednesday morning, a week after Edward's birthday. Rose suggests I meet her for lunch, rather than travelling to Portland with the boys to look at yet another warehouse.

"Well, hello lassie, 'tis nice of you to join me," Rosalie grins at me as I drop in to the chair beside her. I'm running a little late, Edward and I having got somewhat distracted whilst watching each other dress for the day.

"Sorry, I'm late," I sigh. I'm not sorry at all, and Rosalie winks at me knowingly.

"No, you're not," she smirks, which elicits a giggle from me. She pats my hand gently, "Lovey, it's such a delight to see you two so happy. I take it that things are going well."

My answering smile must be a touch too smug because Rosalie breaks out into a peal of raucous laughter.

"Oh, goodness me, lovey. You cheeky thing. Spill, girl …. Well, don't spill too much, Edward's like a brother, and just …" her beautiful face scrunches up in disgust, causing me to snicker.

"What do you want to know, Rosie?"

"Och, I'm just teasing, Bella. But things are going well, yeah? He's taking good care of you?"

"Of course he is. It's Edward; he can't help himself."

"True," Rosalie rolls her eyes. "And you're feeling okay with the speed at which things are going, lovey? It can't be easy for either of you, given, well, given your history."

I sigh, trying to figure out how to articulate my response.

"It's been fine, Rose, really. Edward's gentle, and hesitant and so very sweet. And I know he was scared because of the way Jacob made intimacy such a traumatic experience for me, but really, he doesn't need to be so concerned. It's been a huge relief to actually take that step together, and to discover more about who I am."

Rose cocks her head as she studies me, and I look for the words to explain the peace and contentment that making love with Edward has brought me.

"I suppose, I've always been ashamed of being frigid. I thought my body didn't work right, and I hated it. Jake pretty much shrugged it off, as something that wasn't his concern. And we're constantly bombarded with images of these strongly sexual women, who are responsible for their own fulfillment and satisfaction, you know? And I felt like an utter failure, defective; like the very essence of my femininity was somehow flawed. And so discovering that things do work how they ought, that I can enjoy intimacy, has been such a weight lifted off my shoulders."

"I can well imagine."

"But it's more than just that, Rose. It's more than just the relief. It's … I didn't know I could love him any more than I did. But each day, I wake up with him beside me, and I love him more than the day before. I don't really understand it; sex pushed me away from Jacob, made me resent him, but with Edward, it's brought us closer, bound us together in a way I would never have believed possible."

Rosalie's smile is gentle as she nods her understanding.

"I don't know lassie, Emmett and I have been together since we were teenagers, and I've never been involved with anyone else. But I would hazard a guess that perhaps sex makes bad relationships more strained, and makes good relationships even better. That's my theory, anyway."

"Makes sense," I say, smiling.

Our food arrives and diverts our attention temporarily. As we tuck in, I frown, noticing a photographer slipping into a seat a few tables over. Rose notices my frown, and follows my gaze, wrinkling her nose when she spots the paparazzo.

"Ugh. Come on, finish up and let's get out of here."


Edward asks me if I'll come with him to the airport to see his parents and sister off on the 1st of July. I agree easily, and suggest that as it is a Sunday, we have a late breakfast with them before their afternoon flight. Rosalie and Emmett join us, making for an utterly insane experience: thick accents jabbering at break-neck speed whilst I sip on my coffee, bemused. And yet even amidst the rapid-fire conversation, I feel at home, embraced by Edward's family and friends.

I feel a small pang of regret for the friendships of my own that have stagnated due to absence and painful history. I resolve to call Alice up soon; we need to work out the distance and coolness between us. She is my oldest friend, now, and I don't want to lose that. I still don't understand her motivation behind the disastrous dinner party in April; I can't bring myself to believe she had any malicious intentions, but I'm still hurt by her complete disregard for my feelings. Sensing my despondency, Edward's hand seeks out mine, and I smile at the concern in his eyes. He arches one eyebrow, asking silently if I'm okay, and I nod my head once to reassure him that, yes, I am fine.

Not long afterwards, we part ways with Em and Rose, who head back to their apartment, paparazzi in tow. Carlisle, Esme and Katie pile into my SUV and we make our way to the airport. Edward parks, rather than simply dropping his family off, simply shrugging when I look at him in question. I'm a bit baffled by the sheer number of bags that he pulls out of the trunk, and he grins, pointing at his sister, who pouts and rolls her eyes.

"Good heavens, Katie! Did you pack every single item you own?" I ask, amazed. Katie's only answer is a slightly hysterical giggle. Seriously, they have, what, six suitcases between the three of them? They've only been here for a little over a week!

As we make our way into the terminal, I get the feeling I'm missing something as I catch gestures and glances passing between Edward and his family. Frowning, I take in the expression of nervousness on Edward's face, and the smug grin on Katie's. They're definitely up to something.

"What are you up to?" I murmur to Edward, tugging his hand until he stops and turns to face me. He runs his hand through his hair, pulling at it nervously. "And why are you nervous?" I ask suspiciously.

"I ought to know by now that you can read me too well, dearest," Edward chuckles. "Okay, Bella, I planned on surprising you but you'll figure it out in about thirty seconds anyway. Love, we're not just here to drop Mum and Dad off, yeah?"

"We're going somewhere, too?" I ask. "Well, that explains the suitcases, I thought four bags was excessive, even for Katie."

Katie sticks her tongue out at me, as Carlisle and Esme smile fondly at our interaction.

"So, where are we going?" I ask, looking up into Edward's eyes, which sparkle with excitement.

"You can't guess?" he smirks, winking at me. "We're going with them, sweetheart."

"London?" I whisper, shocked.

Yes, we're going to London, though we'll go see the town I grew up in as well, yeah? Phoenix was such a brilliant experience for both of us, so yeah, I dunno, love … I wanted to show you my history as well."

Oh, my sweet boy. Not minding that his parents and sister are but a few feet away, I throw myself into Edward's arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. I kiss him fiercely, trying to convey to this precious man just how much I love him, and his thoughtfulness.

"I still don't know how I could possibly deserve you, Edward, but I love you. I love you so very much," I whisper, my voice catching as I struggle to contain the tears that threaten to fall.

"Don't cry, sweet girl," he murmurs, his arms still holding me tightly. "I love you too, Bella. So very much more than I would have ever believed possible."

"Brilliant!" Katie's voice startles us both back into awareness, and blushing, I unwind my legs from Edward's waist. He holds me close, helping me regain my footing, before he presses a kiss to my forehead and turns to face his family.

"A'right, then. Let's do this, yeah?"


When we land in London, it is mid-morning, which confuses me, as my body is convinced it's actually the middle of the night. Yawning, I follow Edward's family as we collect our bags and proceed through who knows what kind of checks. Eventually, I slump into a cab in relief, resting my head sleepily on Edward's shoulder. I don't even have the energy to take in the sights of the unfamiliar city as we head to Emmett's flat.

"How come we're not going to your parents'?" I murmur as Edward strokes my hair softly.

"I figured some privacy would be nice," he chuckles. "Em keeps this place for when he and Rose need some time away, and it's empty the rest of the time. The last thing I want is for Katie to be monopolizing you. We'll visit with them, but I need time to have you all to myself, sweet girl."

I nod sleepily at his explanation, already dozing as the taxi weaves through the streets of London.

When we arrive at Em's place, I rouse sufficiently to notice that 'flat' is really not the correct descriptor. It's a penthouse, and a really freaking nice one at that. I help Edward drag our bags inside, before making straight for the enormous bed. As tired as I am, I'm aware of the warmth of Edward's body wrapped around my own, and I drift off peacefully.

Edward wakes me up after only a few hours sleep, wanting to make sure I'll still be tired by time evening falls here in London. I grumble and protest, trying to entice Edward to come back to bed.

"I don't want to get up," I pout, "Come back here. This bed, Edward; it's amazing. Come and lie down here, Edward, come see."

"Love," he murmurs, his voice husky, "if I come back to bed, it won't be to sleep."

My body reacts instantly to his words, and suddenly, I need him. Desperately. I squirm uncomfortably as desire courses through me, reaching for him again.

"Please," is all I can manage, my mind clouded with want.

Edward's face softens immediately, and he leans over me, his long fingers caressing my cheeks, smoothing my hair away from my face. I grab his shoulders and pull him on top of me, moaning in approval when I realize that his body is already responding.

"I love you," he croons, pulling away from me to remove his shirt. Impatient, I kick off my jeans and underwear, before pulling my shirt and bra off and throwing them to the floor.

Once he is undressed, Edward returns to hovering over me, trailing kisses down my throat before his mouth finds my breasts and he begins to kiss and suckle at me until I am writhing, desire so powerful it feels almost painful wracking my body.

"Oh, love, how I adore you. So beautiful," Edward whispers, and immediately, his fingers begin to explore, caressing me where my need is most concentrated. As he continues to stroke and fondle, his lips make their way lower, peppering my belly with gentle kisses.

Just as I feel as though I'm on the verge of imploding, I feel Edward's mouth on me; his lips and tongue working in tandem with his fingers. Before I can succumb to the panic that stirs within me, I am crying out in ecstasy, my head thrashing as the immense wave of pleasure crashes over me, dragging me under.

Edward holds me gently as I resurface, his hands moving to cup my face, his smile soft as he watches my breathing slowly calm.

"You, uh, your mouth, it was …"

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Edward brow suddenly creases in concern.

"Yes, I'm okay, just surprised. Isn't that, kind of … disgusting, to you?" My face flames red and I avert my eyes from his face.

"Bella, look at me." I comply, my cheeks still burning. "Love, there is nothing about you that disgusts me, okay? It's beautiful, having the privilege of watching you come apart. You are exquisite. And no, dearest, that doesn't disgust me, believe me. Though, I am sorry if I scared you." I smile softly at the sincerity burning in Edward's green eyes.

"You didn't scare me. I, uh, it just surprised me is all." Edward studies me carefully, nodding as he accepts that I'm being honest with him.

"I'm sorry, sweet girl. I find you so incredibly tempting, so enticing."

His lips move across my jaw, and I hesitate briefly before pulling his lips to my own. Strangely, the unfamiliar taste that I find on his lips doesn't disturb me, and very soon I am squirming beneath him once again.

"Edward, please. I want you."

"Always, Bella." Edward groans in appreciation as he gently, carefully connects our bodies again. "Oh, fuck, Bella. You feel so amazing, ungh."

A jolt of pride shoots through me as I watch Edward give himself over to sensation, to the current of pure pleasure coursing between us. I feel the urgency in his movements increase, and I respond, rocking against him as his thrusts increase in pace. We fall into bliss together, clinging to each other as we cry out in delight.

Sweaty, sticky and sated, I look up into Edward's gaze, my heart swelling with love for him.

"I love you," I tell him. "More than anything."

"I love you too," he smiles, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "And I always will."


Our four weeks in London are amongst the happiest of my life. It's a real thrill to wander around with Edward, laughing at his anecdotes, and seeing the backdrop for not only his entry into the music scene, but the unfolding of his adult life. He humours me by playing a few open-mic nights, just as he did when he was first getting on his feet musically. It's a rare treat to see him playing, just for fun, without any of the pressure he puts on himself when he is on tour.

We visit the pubs he and Emmett used to frequent, even running into a few of his mates from those earlier days. As far as I can tell, they're all named some derivation of Robert, and apparently at least one of them is famous, though Edward just laughs when I blink at him in surprise.

"Seriously, Bella, you haven't seen those vampire movies?"

"Vampires? Heck no, Edward. You know I hate blood, yuck!"

Edward laughs even harder, ruffling my hair before he throws me over his shoulder and carts me back home.

We manage to spend a few days in a small town just outside of Brighton, in the country's south, where Edward grew up. It's amazing to see that even small towns here have such a rich and lengthy history; seeing architecture that has stood for over a millennium completely floors me. Edward cheerfully shows me the canvas against which his childhood was painted; laughing as he remembers his hatred of the small town as a teenager, his longing for the hustle and bustle of a big city.

The more I learn of Edward's past, the closer I am drawn to him, and the greater my conviction is that I want our future. Surprising myself, I realize I want to marry him, I want to have his children, and I want to tie myself to him in everyway possible. After the scars left by my first marriage, I deliberately shied away from the idea when considering my relationship with Edward, but I've come to realize that it's what I desperately want. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Edward will never try to break me the way Jacob did. I know that life with Edward will have its joys and its heartbreak, but I have faith that our love will get us through anything. We've already come through so much; I can't believe that there could be anything, now, that could tear us apart.


A week before we're due to return to the States, I awake one morning, before dawn, surprised to find myself alone. Concerned, I grab one of Edward's plaid flannel shirts from the floor and slip it on, walking softly through the massive apartment, searching for my love. I find him in the room Emmett uses as a study, his head in his hands.

Apprehensive, I go to him quickly, stroking his hair gently as he continues to study the carpet under his toes.

"Is everything okay, hun?" I murmur, my voice soft in the predawn stillness.

"I have to go see my doctor today," he mumbles, his voice rough.

"Edward, what's going on? Would you look at me, please?"

When Edward lifts his eyes to meet mine, I see fear and anxiety reflected back at me. My heart clenches as I see the pain and suffering in his eyes.

"I need to go see my psychiatrist, love. It's time to review my anti-depressants." I nod my understanding; I'll be seeing Dr Denali in a few months for the same reason.

"What has you concerned, Edward?"

Edward heaves a sigh as before he speaks, and I see a flicker of shame flash across his features.

"I don't want to keep taking them indefinitely. But, it's just, last time I came off them, I crashed spectacularly. It was a proper disaster, yeah? And I'm bloody terrified of the same thing happening. Especially now, when I have so much more to lose."

"More to lose?" I echo, puzzled.

"You, love." Edward's voice drops to a whisper, pain lacing his speech. "I'm utterly terrified that I'll crash again, and that you'll see me for who I truly am, and you won't want me."

"Oh, Edward," I sigh. I pull his head out of his hands and climb awkwardly into his lap. I hold him for a moment, my head resting against his chest. Edward's arms encircle me, holding me tightly to himself.

"My love, would you look at me, please?" I ask, pulling back so I can see his face. Edward complies, his haunted eyes meeting my own. "Listen to me, okay? Hun, if I understand correctly, there's chance that things might deteriorate when you come off the meds. That's not going to make me love you any less, Edward. You know as well as I do that depression is an illness. If you don't cope without the anti-depressants, you just go back on them. There's no shame in that, sweetheart. It's a medical condition, being treated for it isn't shameful. It's responsible."

Edward sighs again, pulling me closer to his chest.

"I know, love. I'm just scared of hurting you; I couldn't bear it."

"Edward, you won't hurt me. I trust you with my life. We'll monitor things carefully, okay? From what I understand, you tried to come off them completely, in one go last time. Hun, you could try just dropping your dosage, easing your way off them. But you know, Edward, even if it's the case that you need to continue taking them for the rest of your life, that's okay too. Your illness doesn't define you. This," I say, placing my hand over his chest, "your heart, your beautiful soul, Edward, those are the things that define you. I know who you truly are Edward, and you are beautiful."

Edward says nothing, but his gentle kiss to my cheek is enough for me to know that he has heard me, that he understands what I am saying.

"I have to have the same conversation with Eleazar in a few months. I'm scared too," I confess.

"Don't be, love. I'll always be here to catch you if you fall."

"Well, then, Edward. You don't need to be scared, either. I'll catch you too."

Promises spoken, we sit in silence, entangled, watching the sun climb over the London skyline. When I finally climb out of Edward's lap and pull him to his feet, the look on his face as his eyes roam over me causes me to blush.

"Fuck, Bella. You look so fucking sexy in my shirt," he groans, his hands gripping the fabric at my waist. "I don't know why, love, but you've never been as desirable to me as you are right now. Standing here, wearing my clothes, your hair all tousled, your lovely brown eyes heavy with sleep. Ungh.. You're so bloody sexy- " Edward cuts himself off abruptly as his lips hungrily seek out my own.

"Bella, love," he pants between kisses. "I want you."

"I'm yours, Edward, always."


Lots of you wanted them to hop the pond, and violà! I know there wasn't a great amount of detail regarding their time there, but I was more focused on the continuing development of their relationship than any sight-seeing.

Thank you to everyone who has read, favourited, reviewed and recommended What I Wished For. I appreciate it so much; you've made my first venture into fanfic a delight. I would guess we're looking at three more chapters, an epilogue and a few outtakes.

I love you all so hard.

Shell xx