"You have to open your mouth, Ava." I swing the thermometer in my hand.

My sister looks up at me with a bitter expression and a shake of her head.

"Come on, Ave. It'll take 5 seconds." I mutter. "It won't hurt or anything."

I'm surprised when I hear her high pitched voice in response. "I'm gonna throw up when it's in my mouth."

I roll my eyes. "No you won't." Ava finally opens her mouth the smallest amount possible and I inch the thermometer under her tongue. "Hold it there until it beeps, alright?" My eyes lock with hers as she gives me a forced nod. "I'll be right back."

I walk down the hall, and let my knuckles rasp the door of Mel and Carly's room. Carly opens a few seconds later, Lucas in her arms. I raise an eyebrow at her. "You mind watching Ava?" I ask, lifting my son out of her hands without her permission. "I've gotta get the hell out of here. Freddie's shift was supposed to be over by 7:30 but he's still not home and I wanna get to the hospital before visiting hours are over." I explain in a rush, gratefully watching as Carly nods understandingly.

She peaks her head out of the door, to Ava taking her temperature in the kitchen. "How sick is she?"

"I don't know." I admit with a shrug. "She said she might throw up." I mutter, watching as my best friend's eyes begin to widen. "But I bet she's just bullshitting me."

Before Carly can respond, I hear a small shriek come from the kitchen, followed by the sound of some sort of thick liquid hitting the ground. Carly's exhausted eyes meet mine.

"Guess it wasn't bullshit, then." I glance down at Lucas, his eyes resting peacefully in my arms. I feel bad leaving Carly here alone, especially with my younger sisters vomit all over the kitchen floor, but if she agreed to it 5 minutes ago, she agreed to it now. And I'm way too stressed to deal with this. I give her a small pat on the shoulder as she begins to push past me on her way to the kitchen. "Thanks, Carls."

"Yeah." She sighs. "You're welcome."

I swing the front door open with one hand and secure my son with the other as I begin walking downstairs, coming face to face with a nervous Freddie. "Sam!" He exclaims, his voice fast and jittery.

"You're late." I snicker, biting my lip to hide my delighted smile after seeing him. I lean into his embrace and be careful to keep a good grip on Lucas. I hand Lucas over to him with a smirk.

"Hi baby!" He exclaims, looking down at our son with a smile on his face. "I missed you." Freddie looks up just to catch me looking back at him. "And you, too."

His hands go for my waist and he begins walking up the stairs, expecting me to follow. "You don't wanna go up there. Ava puked everywhere."

Freddie narrows his eyes. "Can someone watch Lucas when we go to the hospital?"

"Uh," I start, silently cursing at myself. I hadn't even thought of that. "Yeah, one second. I'm just gonna..." I motion to the apartment door and Freddie nods.

I twist the doorknob open and Carly's eyes immediately dart to me. The poor girl looks exhausted and I draw a sharp breath in. "Hi." I murmur, walking into the kitchen and admiring the newly cleaned floor. "Thanks, Carls."

She only raises an eyebrow and asks "When's Melanie gonna be home? I could use a little help."

"Fuck it if I know." I roll my eyes and receive a snicker from Carly as I notice Ava sitting only feet away from her with her arms around her head and a small trash can next to her.

"Lucas is tired and we won't be gone long anyway. If he cries you know what to do." I explain to Carly as I walk my son to my room.

I admire his little face, his overpowering big eyes and his tiny lips. He's so big and beautiful, and I can't believe how much he's grown. My heart aches for Owen. I want to have him here, I want to be able to have him at all times like Lucas. "Wish me luck, baby." I whisper to my son, giving his forehead a small kiss as I put him inside the crib. "Maybe you'll be able to see your brother today."

His eyelids flutter in response and I lean down to kiss his forehead again. Before I leave, I grab the stroller in the corner of my room, inhaling deeply and trying to think positively. "See ya later, Luke." I say quietly as I shut the door carefully, eyeing Carly.

I can tell how exhausted she is and I feel a surge of guilt. She was busy working all day and I feel bad to make her babysit my sick younger sister and child. "I'll text Mel. She better get her ass home, I feel bad leaving you alone."

"It's fine." Carly mutters, her eyes locking with mine as her expression softens. "Good luck, Sam."

I take a deep breath, using the wall for support as I immediately feel my knees ready to give in. I hate myself for feeling so vulnerable about this, but I don't know if I can take it anymore. Seeing my baby and having him torn away from my arms, not being able to take him home, is getting old. Damn quick. And all I want is to be able to stroll him down 5th avenue with his brother. All I want is for him to be home.


The fluorescent lights immediately make me squint as Freddie and I walk into the hospital we have grown way too familiar with. My hand is latched onto his and I bite my lip, approaching the elevator and pressing the button. "I wish they'd give us some sort of warning." Freddie says.

I nod. The doctors always let us know of Owen's condition, and even if he isn't his best we still have hope that we'll be able to take him home. I wish they would come out and say it before we hold our son in our arms and swear to god that is finally the day we don't have to say goodbye to him. So far, that day hasn't come.

I don't respond to him, I just cling onto his hand as we ride the elevator to the 6th floor. I focus on my breathing, and then on the tapping of my foot on the elevator floor. I curse myself for being so nervous. I doubt anything is going to happen, anyway. What the hell do I know? It could be weeks, even months, until we get to take him home. This could be only the middle of our daily hospital visits, this might not be the end of them. And I need to accept that.

Freddie senses how tense I am and runs a hand down my back. I defensively pull away and cross my arms over my chest as we exit the elevator. He takes my hand, softly running it over the handle of Lucas and Owen's stroller. "Maybe we'll finally be able to put this thing to use." His hopeful eyes meet mine.

I raise my eyebrows and softly mutter "Maybe."

Freddie's breathing matches mine, erratic and unsteady, as we walk down the hall to Owen's room. I could walk this hallway in my sleep with the amount of times I've done it, each time carrying a bundle of nerves and way too much uncertainty. I glance to the right with a deep breath. Room 6D.

I slowly walk into the room, tracing the steps I've made every day for the past three months. It only takes a second for me to be in front of his incubator, looking down at my wide eyed son.

Freddie squeezes my hand as he whispers "Hi, Owen."

Owen looks more awake than usual, his alertness brings a smile to my face. His eyes are big just like Freddie's, and he looks identical to Lucas in everything but size. That, and the IV poking out of his chest that still makes me wince every time I see it. I can handle blood and cuts and bruises, but seeing my baby boy with a needle sticking out of his body shatters my heart. And I somewhat hate myself for that, because a year and a half ago Sam Puckett would never have felt this way about anything. But I'm a mom now, and it might be heart wrenching and the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, but it's what I am. And I'm happy to accept that.

"Hello, Mr. Benson and Ms. Puckett." Owen's cardiovascular specialist, Dr. Kion, gives us a small smile. "How are you two?" I respond with nothing but a deep breath and he nods understandingly. "We've really watched his levels go up in the past 24 hours. They're still lower than the need to be, but they've certainly increased. We believe that the surgery is finally doing it's job. And as long as it continues, he won't need to receive any more for at least a year."

My eyes widen and I make eye contact with Freddie, whispering "A year. Damn." A year is a long time with no surgery, especially for someone with such a critical condition. We were told that the first one we got was only supposed to help his heart for a few days before he needed another solution. But if this is actually helping it work correctly, it must mean "Can you release him?" I demand louder than intended.

Dr. Kion takes a long look at Freddie and I and seems to be deep in thought. It only makes me more nervous. "Well," he starts "that is always an option. He isn't completely recovered and he will need a replacement piece in his heart in the next few years. There's no question about that. But for now, there are no real problems. As long as he sleeps with the dehumidifier and you give him his various medications and massaging vest, he could be okay. Of course, only if you two feel you can handle it."

"Yes!" Freddie exclaims, his wide eyes darting from Owen, to me, then to the doctor. "We can handle it!"

"It isn't going to be easy for him to adjust in a new place, and there could be a few scares where his heart starts acting up because of the differences in the environment. In that case, you will need to take him into the emergency room immediately. Even if nothing goes wrong, we will see him every two days so we can closely monitor his heart. Sometimes, we may need to take him overnight."

My chest feels tight as I nod along to the doctors words, reaching into Owen's incubator and feeling his tiny hand wrap around my finger. "We can handle that." Freddie is quick to reply and lock his eyes with mine, muttering "Right, baby?"

I nod slowly, noticing his glazed over eyes and his hopeful expression. It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but immediately after another was dropped on them. Freddie and I are completely responsible for Owen now, and it's not gonna be easy. I know that. I also know that we've made it through a surprising amount of hardships this year alone, and they weren't easy. But we adjusted and we made it. So this can't be too hard, right?

I bite my lip and swallow down, finally responding to Freddie. "Right."


A few more doctors came in and reminded us of everything that could go wrong, every machine we have to set up in our tiny apartment and every medication Owen has to take. I wasn't completely listening to them. It's hard, when my mind is racing and I'm wondering how the hell we're going to make this work. I have to know that it won't always work out perfectly, this doesn't necessarily mean Owen is okay forever. Actually, it doesn't mean that at all. It means he's okay for now.

I attempted to keep it together the whole cab ride home, but that only lasted for so long. I can feel my bottom lip quivering as I twist the doorknob to the apartment and hear Freddie's shaky voice tell Owen "Welcome home, baby."

I instantly hold a hand over my mouth as Ava's tired eyes look up from her bed and a gasp forms on her mouth. "Oh my god!" She exclaims. "Owen!"

I don't want her to see me cry, so I just nod softly and give her a small smile. Freddie scoops him out of the stroller and into his own arms.

I hear Melanie's voice from the hallway. "Damn, it's about time you guys-" She stops dead in her tracks, almost dropping Lucas who lays comfortably in her arms. "Holy shit!" She grins. "Sam!"

I haven't seen Melanie so happy in a long time, and the thought that something could be changing with her makes me smile. And when she swings her arms around me and tightens them, and I can hear her whimpers over my shoulder, it makes me tear up. I'm not sure what kind of tears are filling up my eyes. Tears of relief and happiness and the feeling that finally I'm able to have both of my sons secure in my arms. And then there's also the nagging feeling of fear, making me shaky and unsure of what to do next. I try to ignore that.

She pulls out of the hug and her eyes immediately go to Owen. She just shakes her head and whispers "God, you guys...he's perfect."

Carly walks out of her room, curious why we're making so much commotion. I give her a smile and she opens her mouth, inhaling a sharp breath as she begins to walk closer to us. "Aww!" She squeaks, surrounding Owen like the rest of us. "Hi O."

Ava lifts herself off the bed, making sure not to get too close to either Owen or Lucas. Her smile is wider than anyone else's in the room as she locks her eyes with me. "I love you, Sam! I love them too! I feel like...like I'm really, really lucky."

Everyone around me lets out a small breath in response to Ava's shaky statement, but Melanie is the first to talk. "Well I feel like we're really lucky." She moves closer to our younger sister and wraps her into a hug. "Because we've got you."

Ava's eyes are tired and her skin is really pale, and I can tell it's hard for her to even talk without wanting to pass out. It doesn't take long for her to sit on the bed again, holding an ice pack against her head as she attempts to put her feet under the covers.

Carly and Melanie realize that Freddie and I have to set everything up for Owen and go into their room with soft smiles. Somewhere during this point, Freddie and I realize that it isn't all fun and games from here. We walk towards our bedroom and I drop all of Owen's necessities on the floor, something we'll set up during our sleepless hours tonight. For now, I need to relax. Sort of take it all in.

"This is weird." I decide as I place Lucas and reserve a spot for myself next to him. "I don't know if I can do...this."

"Yeah." Freddie agrees. "It's weird." He sighs. "But you can definitely do it, you know that." I eye him. He knows I don't know that, so he adds. "Just do everything your mom didn't."

I raise an eyebrow. "If only it was that easy."

Tonight, everything seemed great, but in the full picture our household has more than an abundant amount of flaws. Melanie's continuing to drink, I'm continuing to question the relationship I have with my mom. Ava is starting school, regular public school that she is less than excited about, in two days. Freddie's job at the Pear Store is hardly paying our portion of rent. I've filled out at least twenty job and college applications and haven't received one reply. And the biggest one...I don't know how to be a mother. I have no damn clue. I tried the first three months of Lucas's life, but now I have two. One with a life threatening heart problem.

I take a deep breath and Fredward turns to me and let's his hand run over my chin, pulling me into a tiny kiss. "I think we've done a pretty good job so far, huh?"

"I guess."

He looks down at Owen and then back up at me. "We really have, O. You haven't been here to see it but you'll notice it soon enough. Your momma is an amazing, beautiful woman. I'm sure you can already see that."

I roll my eyes but flash Freddie a small smile as well. "Shut up, Fredward." I chuckle slightly and glance down at my son. "Your dad is the biggest pushover you'll ever meet, Owen. Remember that. If you ever need anything, he'll give it to you in a second."

"Hey," Freddie mumbles jokingly. "That's not necessarily a bad thing!"

"Never said it was, Fredward." I finally let my eyes meet his and I give him a small smile. I don't wanna let my ego down anymore than I already have tonight, so I don't let myself actually thank him. Instead, I just mouth the words and turn my head away from him, insuring that he doesn't see me grin like an idiot.

Please review! Thanks for reading, hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.