A/N: Thank you guys for being so patient. It's finally here and I hope you guys enjoy it! As always, please don't hesitate to leave me a review to let me know what you think!

Tris

I'm shaking when I find myself standing at Tobias' door again.

I know that I shouldn't be here.

Not right now.

It's too risky.

I should be back in Dauntless preparing for my last week of simulations before the final test.

I should be following the rules and keeping my nose clean until initiation day.

In truth, that had been the plan in returning to Dauntless.

Then I got there and all hell broke loose.

I can't be in Dauntless right now, not after my conversation with Ellie, not with the crushing weight of Al's death pressing on my heart.

Ellie's words keep reverberating in my brain, like one giant echo.

My brother was at the bottom of the Chasm this morning and it was still all about you.

You broke his heart. You destroyed him. You broke him.

I'm lost in a sea of my own guilt.

I am not stable.

I'm not sure of anything, least of all myself.

Tobias is the only person I trust enough to help me find my balance again.

I reach a shaky hand out to knock lightly on the door.

It takes three seconds for it to swing open, revealing an exhausted-looking Tobias.

For a fleeting moment, he looks happy to see me, then he notices the tiny tremors throughout my body.

Concern floods his face quicker than I can try and cease the shaking.

"What's wrong?" He asks, eyes wide and anxious.

I open my mouth to explain but nothing comes out.

The dead air just makes me feel small and even more lost.

I shake my head a little as I feel tears start to gather in my eyes.

"Everything…" I finally manage to choke out.

"Come here…" He says softly.

He doesn't wait for a response from me before pulling me into his chest and holding me close.

He gently shuts the door behind me, and rests his chin on the top of my head for a long moment.

He pulls away eventually, resting his hands on my shoulders.

"You're shaking like a leaf." He says quietly, his hands lightly squeezing my shoulders.

"What's going on?"

I shake my head a little bit.

"I just…I needed to see you." I press my nose into his chest and breathe in his familiar scent and wait for some sense of calm to wash over me.

"You're upset — what happened, Tris?" He whispers.

My bottom lip starts to tremble at his words.

"I don't even know how to begin to tell you what happened." I choke out.

He presses his hands to my cheeks.

"Start with what's making you shake like this." He says, his eyes taking in my swaying frame.

"Al." My voice breaks as I say his name.

"Al?" Tobias questions.

"He…"I let out a slow breath before continuing to speak.

"He…he threw himself into the Chasm this morning…"

Tobias stares at me with wide eyes and for a moment it seems like he's lost for words.

"Oh, Tris." He finally manages.

He says my name like he's not sure what to do with me.

I don't blame him.

I'm not sure what to do with me, either.

I shake my head slowly, not really sure what I'm supposed to say at this point.

"Is it my fault?" I ask, my voice shaking.

"Did I…?" I pause for a moment as a sob escapes my lips.

"Tobias, what did I do? It's my fault…it's—"

I fall apart on the last word, tears flowing too freely now to continue speaking.

They come fast, heavy and thick with no restraint.

"I killed him." I choke out again.

I'm sobbing so hard at this point that I can barely breathe.

Tobias leans over, his hands moving to wipe away the steady trail of tears making their way down my face.

Then he kisses me.

A long, soft, insistent kiss.

When he pulls away, his face is still so close to mine that I can see every detail of his eyelashes.

"It is not your fault. It's not. Do you understand me?"

"He's dead, Tobias, because of me—"

"You didn't kill him." He says quickly. "All this guilt you're feeling…it's useless. This is not your cross to bear, Tris. He's dead and that's awful but it doesn't change anything. It doesn't make it your fault. Al made a choice all on his own. It had nothing to do with you. It's not your fault, okay?"

I nod a little bit.

"Say it."

"Tobias—"

"Say it, Tris. You need to say it. Please. For me."

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath, sniffling.

"…It's not my fault."
He lets out a soft little breath, his hands coming up to touch my face.

He presses a kiss to my forehead and then pushes a strand of fallen hair behind my ear.

"Ellie hates me." I whisper.

Tobias shakes his head.

"Ellie just lost her brother. She just can't see clearly through the grief right now."

I take in his words, my heart already feeling a little less heavy.

"I feel like I'm underwater and no matter how hard I try I'll never reach the surface."

"If I could take all of this away for you I would, in a second. You know that, don't you?"

He pulls me against his chest again and for a moment all I can do is listen to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and try to match my own to it.

"When did things get so complicated?" I breathe.

"Probably around the time we decided to court."

I let out a tiny sound halfway between a laugh and a sigh.

"I love you…" I let out in a shaky breath.

He smiles a little but doesn't say it back.

"I know I shouldn't be here. I'm sorry, I just—"

"It's okay." He cuts me off quickly.

"I'm glad you're here…I…" He pauses for a moment and then lets out a small sigh.

"You shouldn't be alone right now." He leans in and presses a soft kiss to my temple.

"Stay." He whispers.

"Okay…"

At this point, it really doesn't take much convincing.

He leads me quickly over to the mattress pressed into the corner.

We slide in together, his arms wrapping tightly around me.

My chest feels heavy and full and even with the comfort of Tobias wrapped around me, it's hard to breathe.

I stay quiet for a long time not sure if I can even find words to describe what I'm feeling.

Is it grief, guilt or terror?

I feel safe here for now, but there's a part of me that knows that this security isn't real.

I still have initiation to deal with.

I still have the looming prospect of Jeanine finding out what I am.

"What's going on in that head of yours? I can practically hear the wheels turning." Tobias whispers eventually, his mouth pressed against my hair.

He pulls my hair back, his fingertips caressing my neck and leaving a trail of warmth along my skin that makes me shiver.

Then, he presses a kiss to the same places his fingers touch.

My heartbeat speeds up just a little but I try to ignore the excitement his fingers ignite.

"I'm just…" I shake my head.

"Nothing is the way that it's supposed to be." The words have been hiding in my chest for so long that it feels good to let them out now.

"What do you mean?" He asks quietly.

I turn a little and meet his eyes for a moment.

"A few months ago my biggest and probably only worry was that I wasn't selfless enough. Now, I can't even count the worries constantly scrambling around in my brain. My life is a mess. It wasn't supposed to be this way. We were supposed to be happy."

I chew on my bottom lip.

"I don't know if I even believe that happiness exists anymore."

He watches me for a moment and then he shakes his head slowly, his hands moving to press lightly against my cheeks.

"No. Don't do that." He says quietly.

I shrug my shoulders.

"Do what?"

"Give up." He says in a small voice.

"That's not you and I refuse to let it become you."

"Look at us," I breathe. "You're factionless, I'm barely Dauntless…" I let out a small sigh before finishing.

"I'm starting to think I'll never know what it's like."

"What what's like?"

"Being with you."

The corners of his mouth twitch into a small smile.

"You are with me. You are as with me as you can be right now."

I shake my head.

"You know what I mean."

"Tris, I promise you that this won't last forever. We just…we have some things to get through first. We're going to be happy. Just…hang in there for me, okay?"

I close my eyes, take in a deep breath, and nod.

"Okay…"

He leans forward and presses a kiss to my cheek.

"Everything's going to be okay." He mumbles softly, his lips still pressed against my skin.

I shake my head.

"How can you be so sure? Initiation day is one week away and I'm not even the slightest bit prepared. Jeanine's going to sniff me out so quickly—"

"I'm not going to let you fail initiation, Tris." He cuts me off quickly, his voice sharp and definite.

"What if you can't help it?" I say, the words revealing the one thing I've been afraid to say out loud for weeks.

"You can't always be there with me. You won't be there when I take my test. You can't change my results…what if…Tobias, what if something awful happens?"

"Like what?" He asks, his voice tense and tight.

"Tobias, Jeanine isn't collecting divergents to throw them a party."

He looks at me for a moment and then diverts his eyes to the wall behind my head.

"You're safe here, Tobias, but what about me? Where do you think I'll end up if Jeanine finds out I'm divergent?"

He looks at me again but he still doesn't speak.

A hot flash of anger moves through me quickly.

"Let me answer that for you." I say through my teeth.

"I'll probably end up at the bottom of the Chasm with Al."

"Stop." He says in a quiet voice, his eyes focused on my hands instead of my face.

"Why?! It's a possibility!" I press.

"It isn't!" He snaps, his eyes shooting up to fiercely meet mine.

I stare at him for a moment, slightly taken aback.

He takes a deep breath in and then blows it out through his nose.

"That is not an option for me. It's not something I want to think about let alone talk about. It is not an option for anything to happen to you. Okay?"

I don't know why I'm pushing him like this.

I know better than anyone that one of his fears is losing me.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly, my eyes already filling up with tears.

"I'm just…scared. I don't know how to process it. Which is ironic. I'm not supposed to be scared anymore, I'm supposed to be Dauntless."

He reaches out and touches his palm to my cheek and I lean into his touch.

"Well, I don't think Dauntless means 'without fear'. I think to be Dauntless you have to learn to control your fear. That's what the simulations are about. Or at least what they're supposed to be about. You're still walking and talking and breathing and you've got some pretty crippling fears. You seem pretty Dauntless to me."

"You're a very good talker." I say quietly.

"You're the most important thing in my world. You have to believe me when I tell you that I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

I nod slowly.

"I do believe you."

It's almost easy to forget that I can barely get through an entire fear simulation when he sounds so confident, so sure.

"When does it get easier?" I whisper.

"I can't answer that." He says quietly, running his fingers through my hair.

"I'm just so tired." I breathe.

He nods a little and then presses a kiss to the top of my head.

"Sleep. I'll stay with you."

I settle into his chest and let his comforting words flow through me.

We're both quiet for a long time after that.

I spend the time focusing on the steady rhythm of his breathing.

My eyelids grow heavier by the minute, but actual sleep is proving to be elusive.

My eyes are tired but my brain is just way too busy.

"I can't sleep." I whisper after a few long moments of silence.

He lets out a tiny sigh.

"Why? What are you thinking about?"

I shrug a little and then shake my head.

I don't have words for the million things buzzing around in my brain.

He leans in close, his breath creating goose bumps on my neck.

"I can think of a few ways to distract you if you want. " He says quietly.

He leans in close to my ear, his mouth almost pressed against it.

"I think I'm good at that." He whispers, sending shivers through my whole body.

I feel his lips press lightly against the back of my neck and without any warning my body ignites.

It's like every inch of my skin wakes up with each electric kiss that he presses to my body.

I turn a little so that I'm facing him, his nose almost pressed against mine now.

"Do you know how much I hate sending you back to Dauntless when I can have you here in my bed like this?" He whispers.

I nod a tiny bit.

"Probably as much as I hate going back."

He runs the palm of his hand up my arm and I try to keep my breathing at a normal pace. I tense up just a little when his hand reaches my collarbone.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. "I don't want to push you. I know it's still difficult for you-"

I shake my head again.

"No, it's okay." I mumble quietly.

"Is it?" He presses, his eyes glazed with concern.

I look up at him for a moment, taking in his expression.

I do a mental inventory of my body and realize quickly that it probably isn't okay.

I feel vulnerable and young all of a sudden.

Scared in a way that I don't want to be.

I let out a frustrated noise.

Why does everything have to be so complicated?

"Tobias, I want to do this…I do...but—"

"It's okay." He says quietly. "We can do something else."

I look up at him for a moment, frustration running through my body like acid.

"That's just it, though. I don't want to do something else. I want something to be normal. I want you. You're the only thing that feels real to me."

"Then what's stopping you?"

"My body…my soul wants you…" I say in a low voice. "…but my brain…my brain doesn't know the difference between good and bad anymore. It all feels the same."

Tobias' gentle warm hands caressing me and Al's cold, intrusive hands groping me seem to cause the same reaction:

Panic.

"We don't have to do this." He repeats.

"I know." I mumble.

We're both quiet for a long moment, eyes focused on each other.

"How did you do it?" I finally ask.

He shakes his head a little.

"Do what?"

"Decipher the good touches from the bad ones."

He blinks a few times and then raises his eyebrows.

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"You used to flinch when I did this…" I reach out a hand and press the palm of it to his cheek.

"…After awhile it stopped. I guessed that it was because of Marcus. Every incoming move must have understandably felt like an attack to you, but eventually…it just stopped. You didn't flinch anymore or shy away when I reached out for you. I want to know how you did that. How you learned to let me touch you."

He watches me for a moment and then tilts his head before speaking.

"You." He says in a soft voice.

"Me?"

He nods a little.

"I was conditioned to think that every touch was bad."

He leans forward slightly and then covers my hand, still pressed to his cheek, with his own.

"You taught me otherwise. You kissed my scars and told me I was worth it. It was you. You taught me how to be touched and to not be afraid."

"I did that?" I say in a light, disbelieving voice.

He nods slowly.

I move in closer to him, nearly lying on top of him, my arms gently snaking around his neck.

"Teach me." I whisper.

"Teach me how to do this with you again. I don't want to be afraid anymore. You're not someone I ever want to be afraid of."

He presses his forehead against mine for a moment.

"Okay…" He breathes, his voice shaking just the tiniest amount.

"Just breathe." He whispers. "…and trust me."

He twists me around easily so my back is pressed to the mattress, as he hovers above me.

"I've got you, okay?" He whispers so quietly that if I weren't inches away from him I would've missed it.

"You have me." I whisper back to him, repeating his words.

He looks at me for a moment, a few different emotions that I can't really place passing over his face.

Then he leans in close, right next to my ear and speaks so softly that I have to really concentrate to hear.

"I want you to know that you're safe with me. You can lose yourself here. You can fall because I will always catch you. Every. Single. Time." He pulls back a little, away from my ear so he can focus his eyes on mine.

"Let me be your safety net."

Then he leans down and presses his lips to mine, his right hand pressed to my waist and traveling lower.

Every ounce of fear and uncertainty I have slowly builds and just when the rising panic starts to settle into my chest for a full-blown attack, his words resound in my mind.

I will always catch you.

Let me be your safety net.

Just like that, the anxiety ebbs out of me, flowing out through my fingertips and away from my body.

I trust him.

I love him and it makes all the difference in the world.

Caleb

When I'm called into Jeanine's personal office, I think it's about my final Erudite test.

Something must be wrong.

Why else would Jeanine of all people request to see me in her private office at this late hour?

Of the Erudite that I've met, most have never had a face-to-face conversation with Jeanine.

She's constantly busy negotiating with the other faction leaders and researching more powerful forms of serum.

She hardly has time to sit down and converse with each Erudite member individually.

That thought alone brings my panic to raging hysteria.

What if I didn't pass the test?

Would they kick me out now or at least let me finish out the night?

When I finally make it to her office, I've managed to convince myself that I will be leaving Erudite tonight with a failed test in my hand.

I only realize this meeting can't possibly be to kick me out of the faction when Jeanine smiles at me.

She wouldn't be smiling if she wanted to kick me out, right?

She seems far too happy to see me for that.

"Caleb Prior!" She says excitedly, taking a few steps forward.

"Thank you so much for meeting with me. I really do appreciate it. I'm sure you have a million other things to do than to spend your night talking with me."

I blink a few times as the panic in my chest slowly starts to dissipate.

"No…not really." I say quietly. "I was just lying in bed trying not to be anxious."

She tilts her head for a moment and her eyes get big.

"Oh right, you must be worried about your test." She moves around her desk and rifles through some paperwork before handing me a piece of paper from a pile on her desk.

"Now, technically you're not supposed to know the results until next week but considering you did so well…"

I take the paper from her quickly and scan the page for my score.

I close my eyes for a moment and let out a relieved sigh.

A perfect score.

A perfect score.

I am officially Erudite.

"Congratulations, Caleb." She says. "You must know how much we value a brain like yours here."

I nod a little bit.

"Thank you. I just want to learn all that I can."

She gestures for me to sit in the chair opposite her desk and I do, while she moves around the desk to sit behind it.

"That being said…I know that sometimes switching factions can be…" She tilts her head a little, smiling. "…uncomfortable. Would you say that you're adjusting well?"

I nod quickly.

"Yes. I love being here."

"That's so good to hear, Caleb." She says placing her hands on the desk for a moment.

"Most initiates tend to miss their families a lot during initiation. Most especially on visiting day."

My stomach turns when I realize where this conversation is leading.

Beatrice.

"I was told that your sister came to visit you earlier this week."

"She did." I mumble. "On visiting day."

Jeanine nods.

"And there was some sort of altercation between the two of you?"

I shrug a little.

"I don't know. She joined the Dauntless and you know how they are. They're all a little…" I pause, choosing my words carefully.

"…eccentric. I think they've changed her. Or maybe she was just like that all along. I don't really know."

"They are a little eccentric aren't they?" Jeanine says with a smile, "Eccentric, but incredibly valuable and useful. Caleb, do you know that I work very closely with the Dauntless to ensure that our faction stays intact?"

I blink a little.

"…Y-you do?"

She nods, a small smile on her face.

"I do. In fact, I work with them to make sure all the factions stay intact. Eccentric yes, sometimes illogical, absolutely, but they're helpful and useful when put to the right to task."

"That doesn't sound like Beatrice at all." I say, the words tumbling out of me quicker than I can stop them.

"And why would you say that?"

I look at the ground for a moment and then back up at Jeanine.

"…She just…isn't very good at following the rules. Not in Abnegation, and I doubt she's following them any better in Dauntless."

Jeanine watches me for a moment and then lets out a small sigh.

"Caleb, I've been curious about your sister for some time now."

"About Beatrice?" I say, disbelief coloring my voice.

"Yes. You see, her initiation into Dauntless has been going quite well. There's just a few minor abnormalities in some of her simulation test results. The same abnormalities that cropped up in her original aptitude test."

"Original? She took more than one test?"

Jeanine shakes her head.

"No. I say original because it seems that someone deleted her results and had to enter them in manually. Why do you think someone would do that?"

"Well, what was the result entered?"

"Abnegation." Jeanine tilts her head.

"Does that seem curious to you, Caleb? That your sister would get an Abnegation result and choose Dauntless?"

"Sort of." I say quietly.

"Sort of?" Jeanine pushes.

"I knew she wasn't going to pick Abnegation. She never fit in there. Selflessness was a difficult role for her to fulfill."

Jeanine leans forward a little bit clasping her hands together.

"Would you say that you don't believe that Beatrice could have received an Abnegation test result on her own?"

"Well, no—"

"But you said she wasn't selfless."

"She wasn't. Isn't. I…" I pause for a moment, my brain reeling, trying to sort out the inconsistencies and implications.

"I don't know."

"Caleb, I think your sister is hiding something from me." She says quietly.

"You can understand why that might concern me, can't you?"

I try to think of why Beatrice would have anything to hide from Jeanine Matthews, but I come up empty.

"Caleb, I'm sure you know that our society is a very delicate one. One false move and it could all come crashing to the ground. The world as we know it would cease to exist."

"Balance is always fragile." I say quietly.

"It certainly is."

"Jeanine…are you…are we talking about divergents?"

The word divergent used to be foreign to me, but when I got to Erudite, it was all anyone talked about. It seems like a legend.

A story the adults tell their kids to keep them in line.

'The divergents are going to come and ruin everything.'

I just didn't think that they were real.

Well, until now.

After what Beatrice said when she came to see me and what Jeanine is telling me now, I have no choice but to accept that divergents are very real and that my sister might have everything to do with them.

"That's actually exactly what I'm talking about Caleb."

"…You think Beatrice is divergent?"

"The evidence is pointing that way."

"No…" I shake my head quickly. "Beatrice might not be very selfless but she's not dangerous. Divergents are rebels. Beatrice knows how the faction system works. She wants to be a part of it, that's why she picked Dauntless."

"Well I thought so, too, which is why I didn't investigate her aptitude test result weeks ago." Jeanine says quietly, her eyes on the floor.

"But recently she's taken to making regular trips to the factionless."

The factionless?

That doesn't sound like Beatrice. She'd seen the factionless up close in Abnegation and she never had any desire to be like them.

Then I remember who was with her on visiting day.

Tobias.

In mix-matched clothing.

"It's Tobias Eaton." I say, as the realization dawns on me.

"She's going there to be with him."

Jeanine nods.

"That's exactly what I thought, too, Caleb. It worries me that Beatrice is spending so much time with the factionless, so much time with Tobias."

"Why?"

"Because I think Tobias Eaton is attempting to hide the same thing Beatrice is hiding from me."

"You think they're both divergent?"

I look up at her for a moment, the new information sitting strangely in my brain.

"I have to stop them, Caleb. They are threatening everything we've built, everything that we stand for. Do you understand that?"

I nod slowly, even though I'm not entirely sure I believe it.

"Of course." I mumble.

"I called you in here tonight because I need something from you, Caleb."

I look up at her shrugging my shoulders a little.

"Anything."

"I need your loyalty. I need to know that you're on my team. I need your help, Caleb. You know your sister better than anyone. I need you."

Faction before blood.

The words reverberate in my brain like an echo.

"I'm loyal to my faction." I say slowly. "I'll do anything you ask of me."

Jeanine smiles widely and then holds her hand out for me to shake.

"Thank you for all your help tonight. I'll be talking with you soon."

I take her hand, shake it, and then slowly start to move towards the door.

"Oh, and Caleb?" She calls, as I reach the doorframe.

I turn a little to look at her.

"Welcome to Erudite."