CHAPTER 28
When they arrived home, far from the passionate sex she had been anticipating earlier in the evening, Bella found herself glumly undressing and getting ready for bed on her own, while Edward, still denying there was anything wrong and refusing to talk, disappeared into his study. Apparently he stayed there all night, because when Bella woke up, his side of the bed was undisturbed and he had already gone to work.
Despite Bella's best efforts to be patient and let Edward open up, or resolve whatever issue he had in his own time, over the next days and weeks she sometimes came close to despair. All the joy seemed to have been sucked out of their relationship and although Edward insisted everything was fine and for most of the time Bella couldn't even justify why she felt anything was out of kilter, sometimes she would catch him looking at her with a questioning, or even hostile, look in his eyes and her blood ran cold.
As time went on Edward became moody, withdrawn and sarcastic and she suspected he was drinking too much again, although thankfully he was too fastidious to let his drinking get completely out of hand and he never let it affect his work. At times the stranger who had made an appearance in Kent re-emerged, but at other times for several days the Edward she knew would reappear and give Bella hope that if she could only reach him somehow, things would be all right again. But sadly it often felt as if she was re-living her life with Alex and she was scared she would wake up one day to find she had been clutching at shadows and had never really known him at all.
With a heavy heart Bella tried to keep her spirits up by concentrating on her painting and her work. But unfortunately her painting seemed to lose all its freshness as her mood began to plummet and she ended up with a whole series of depressingly grey and miserable landscapes, which did no more than echo the chilly winter weather and her own anxiety.
However keeping herself busy at work was much more successful in cheering her up and allowing her to forget about Edward for a while, especially as it drew nearer to the magazine re-launch and a host of last minute problems needed her urgent attention before the first issue went to print. To her surprise her co-workers really seemed to value and respect her judgement and she already felt she could justify her place at the head of the small team working on the project under Rose's editorship.
Bella's friendship with Rose had also grown and deepened over the months and after late nights spent working, or occasionally sharing a well deserved girls night out, Bella often ended up accompanying Rose home and staying to eat or to chat, and just as she had suspected from their first meeting, Bella soon discovered that underneath the businesslike and unsentimental exterior, Rose was warm and funny and a fiercely loyal and supportive friend.
As Bella had hoped, gradually Rose filled much of the gap Tanya had left behind and Bella knew she would be eternally grateful for Rose and Emmett's friendship and hospitality at a time when Edward seemed to be drawing further and further away from her. Although they never discussed her relationship with Edward directly, there was always a spare room ready for her on the nights when it all got too much and she couldn't face dragging herself away from the warm and cosy atmosphere to go back to the bleak and lonely flat and Edward's unpredictable moods.
As she dug in for what she realised could be a long haul, virtually the only thing which kept Bella's hopes alive was that, unlike Alex, Edward's physical passion for her seemed to be undiminished. In fact if anything Edward seemed to want her sexually even more than he had before. Now that she was confident in her own body and the effect she had on him, Bella therefore had no compunction in using sex to try to undermine his defences and to bind him to her more tightly, even if it sometimes seemed it was against his will.
Sometimes his initial attentions were perfunctory and often he was harsh and rough as if he was trying to punish her, or persuade himself he felt nothing for her. But Edward couldn't hide the fact that he reacted to her every touch and Bella gloried in the power she still had over him.
But unfortunately they couldn't just have sex and Edward continued to veer from acting as if everything was fine to outright hostility which he still refused to explain. Feeling abandoned and alone, even when he was asleep in bed next to her, Bella went over and over in her mind trying to think what she had done that day to make him so angry. As she lay awake for hours, all her insecurities came rushing back. Had she innocently said or done something which was totally socially unacceptable? Had Edward decided that after all she wasn't good enough for him? Was he disappointed in her family? Had he just lost interest now that the excitement of tracking down Mike was over?
The questions were endless, and there was also the argument she'd seen him having with Jane. Perhaps that was something to do with it? But Jane didn't even know her and surely there was nothing Jane could have seen her do which was so bad. In the middle of the night Bella often wondered if she should pay Jane a visit and ask her if she had any idea what was wrong with Edward. But in the cold light of day Bella knew she'd die first rather than admit to Jane that their relationship was anything but perfect.
However eventually Bella got a clue about what was going on one weekend in the middle of February, when out of the blue Edward accused her of using one of his credit cards to buy jewellery and clothes. He also informed her that as he'd searched the flat and there was no evidence of any of the purchases, she must have passed them on or sold them already. Totally bewildered at the accusation, Bella nevertheless realised that Edward's expression was so triumphant, that this must have been what he was expecting all along.
The whole thing was so ridiculous that Bella could only laugh, and realising she was not about to break down and confess everything, Edward turned around and marched back towards his office, while Bella called after him that it might be a good idea to check the facts more thoroughly before throwing such wild accusations around.
Ten minutes later Edward returned to apologise, having established that the bill was an extremely delayed one, dating back to at least six months ago, when he'd gone to help Emmett choose an anniversary present and ended up paying because Emmett had left his wallet behind.
As Edward was now looking extremely shame-faced over his mistake, Bella realised this might finally be the moment to get some information out of him and although her voice was shaky, she managed to remain calm enough to ask him why he thought so badly of her that he was accusing her of stealing from him.
After mechanically running his hand through his hair and staring at her face for several seconds, with eyes which were suddenly blank and tired looking, Edward started to walk back towards his office, and hoping she would finally get some answers, Bella quickly followed him.
Bella rarely went into Edward's office because she felt he needed his own space, just as she had her studio and although he spent a lot of time working here and everything was unfussy and scrupulously tidy as Edward preferred, it always surprised Bella how welcoming the room was. Besides the imposing desk and bank of filing cabinets, several comfortable armchairs were dotted around, as well as a large and well-worn leather chesterfield which looked particularly inviting.
The room also housed Edward's state of the art music system and a couple of times when Emmett had come over, Bella had been amused to hear the sound of video games being played on the large wall-mounted screen which Edward normally used for video conferencing. All the remaining walls were covered with glass fronted bookshelves which contained a surprisingly eclectic range of reading material and stretched from floor to ceiling. However because the room, like all the others in the flat, was so spacious and light, there was no sense of being boxed in and Bella's gaze was immediately drawn to the view from the large windows, and the brightly coloured pots of evergreen plants which lined the balcony outside.
But she wasn't there to admire the scenery, so after taking a couple of deep breaths in an effort to keep calm, she turned back to Edward, who was standing next to the desk, holding a large manila envelope which he must have taken out of one of the drawers. Crossing the room and motioning for Bella to follow him, Edward stopped in front of the chair nearest to the window, waited for Bella to sit down in it and handed her the envelope.
