Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors
Chapter 28 – Ichigo Kurosaki 3
A/N: Yay, my 200th chapter! I decided Ichigo deserved a letter for this occasion since the entire series is about him, and he has the most fanfics on this site. It only seemed fair. ;)
Thanks to willam and jack and jake and several others who listed common fanfic clichés that are used in this letter. I really appreciate the suggestions and ideas and am constantly inspired by your comments.
Disclaimer: It's worth repeating that I'm not trying to diss anybody's stories in particular. These are all clichés that appear in more than one fanfic here, including some I have enjoyed reading. I myself am just as guilty as anyone on the site of using clichés in my own writing. This is all in fun…
(Originally posted 8/15/12.)
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Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors,
I am male. I am not going to turn female and have a mixed-race harem of shinigami, Arrancar, and humans all lusting after me. Nor am I going to put on makeup and a short skirt and bat my eyelashes at anybody!
No, I am not going to become a stripper in a gay bar. Not to pay for my college education. Not to pay for my sister's medical bills. Not ever!
Vampires do not exist. They especially do not sparkle. I am neither a vampire nor am I going to be bitten by a vampire. And I am especially not going to be bitten by a "hot blue-haired vampire who then proceeds to ravage the orange-haired strawberry!"
Time travel is impossible according to the laws of physics. I can't go back in time to hang out with shinigami while they still lived in Rukongai a hundred years ago. And no, I am never going to be "the youngest captain ever in the Gotei 13." If I could go back in time, don't you think the first thing I would do is stop the attack on my mother? Oh, but wait. Then there would be no plot at all for your stories. *rolls eyes*
Stop depicting me with cat ears and a tail! The only one of us who can turn into an animal is Yoruichi Shihoin.
Well, and maybe Komamura. Although the real question is whether he can turn back.
Sincerely,
Ichigo Kurosaki
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A/N: Thanks for all your good wishes!
I have a couple more SWA letters planned, and I want to do an Arrancar series. And don't worry, the thread about the hacker(s) is not forgotten; it will come up again shortly.
