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AN: Melinda and Natasha talk. Its sort of a long chapter.

Shifters of Shield Search for Answers Chapter 28

Melinda looked down at Natasha and smiled fondly. The redhead lay on her stomach her head turned to the side on Melinda's pillow. She was totally stretched out length wise. She might have been a spitfire all day yesterday but this morning she looked like an innocent angel. Melinda had no doubt she would see more of Natasha's fiery nature. But for now, they both had a morning of peace

Three hours ago, Melinda had lifted Natasha's head from her chest and lowered it to a standard pillow and started her day. Of course, Tasha and her leopard had grumbled about that. Melinda had now called both Phil and Clint, done her work-out, done her Tai Chi, ate breakfast and done some things on the computer. She had even managed to prick Natasha's finger to check her shifter level in her blood and give her another injection of her blood. Natasha never woke up.

But now, Melinda was back because it was nearly lunchtime. Natasha had not eaten since breakfast yesterday. Natasha had lost enough weight since all of this started. Melinda was determined that her Tasha was going to start eating more and regularly. Melinda May needed to get on with the thing that was to be the day's priority. Being a good alpha to Tasha and showing her what one is.

Melinda sat on the bed with the plate of mixed fresh fruit on the table by the nightstand and slipped back on the bed. Slowly and gently, the Asian moved Natasha's head off the pillow and moved her back into her arms. Natasha responded by shifting her body closer to her Alpha's all the while asleep.

Natasha, you are such a cuddlier and to think you wanted nothing to do with me yesterday, Melinda thought to herself.

Natasha Romanov fell into a light doze as she felt the sensation of hands threading through her hair. Her nose detected Melinda's scent. The scent was strong and calm. The redhead kept her eyes closed as she felt Melinda's chest rise and fall against her cheek. Then a voice was speaking to her.

"I love you Natasha Romanov," Melinda spoke knowing that Natasha was waking up and she wanted to impress what she was saying to her unconscious mind. "You have nothing to fear from me."

Natasha Romanov opened her eyes letting them shift up to Melinda's then around the room. It all came flooding back to her. A flicker of apprehension swept through her. They had called a truce with each other during the night. But Natasha was not sure what that meant exactly. Natasha was not sure what would feel safer, being right where she was in Melinda's arms or up against the wall in the corner again.

Melinda's keen eye noticed the wrinkle in Tasha's forehead and how her body stiffened.

"Calm down Tasha," Melinda reached down and petted the redhead's head stroking her hair like she had down when the Russian was in leopard form. "I know you remember our times like this. So think about that and how it makes both of us feel comfort and cared about. That is what we are doing right now, showing each other comfort and caring."

"You hungry? Have a grape," Melinda asked not giving Natasha a chance to say yes or no. She just picked a piece of fruit and offered it to Natasha's lips.

Now this feels weird, Natasha told herself.

Melinda reached over and grabbed another off the plate and fed her again.

This is definitely strange, Natasha told herself again but she did not want to refuse the attention. She sort of liked it and it's not like anyone else was around to see them.

"I, I can feed myself," Natasha protested as now a piece of apple was pushed into her lips.

"I know you can Tasha and I know this is confusing to you. But let me take care of you ok?" Melinda asked taking a grape for herself. "It an exercise of trust between us. Would you like a strawberry? I have no idea how Stark got Florida Strawberries in a remote treehouse hideaway in Belize."

"You know I love strawberries," Natasha replied accepting one offered to her mouth and bit into it. It was juicy and just the right level of sweetness.

"I know. Tony remembered too. I found some of Pepper's brownies in the kitchen cabinet." Melinda spoke handing Natasha taking a bite size piece of brownie from the plate and feeding it to Natasha.

"That is so good. Tony went through a lot of trouble," Natasha voiced her thoughts aloud.

"He did because he cares about you very much. He has a smart mouth but he is also very loving and goes out of the way to do things for those he cares about. Thus the brownies and lending you and I the treehouse." Melinda reminded Natasha.

Natasha ate in comfortable silence with Melinda. Natasha knew Melinda was probably trying to communicate something with her actions by doing this. It felt odd since they were two grown women and the Russian was more than capable of taking care of herself.

And for god's sake I am the Black Widow, Natasha told herself.

Romanov's earliest days in the red room had been instruction through corporal punishment on any act of vulnerability, dependence or emotion. She had not been only spanked. She had been whipped, burnt, hit and starved.

This now was the polar opposite of that. It made her think back to a time before the red room. She tried to think of her mother. This thing with Melinda and she sharing food like this with Melinda's arms around her made her think of her mother.

Was that wrong? Natasha asked herself. Was that right?

"What are you thinking about so hard?" Melinda finally asked wiping her fingers on a napkin since their meal was finished.

"My mother. I am trying to remember my mother. It is hard since all I mostly remember the red room," Natasha told the Asian. Somehow being totally away from everyone and everything made it easier to speak about this.

"What was your mother like?" Melinda asked in a soft voice drinking a swallow of juice and offering a sip from the glass to the redhead.

"She had red hair and green eyes. She was beautiful," Natasha murmured with a faraway look in her eyes. "She bought me a pair ballerina slippers all while her own shoes had holes in the toe. She hid me from the KGB and let them beat her. She loved me and tried to keep me safe."

"My mother did not show much emotion or physical affection. But she was always there to talk to me and do things with me. I always knew that she loved me because the things she did for me," Melinda shared about herself. "She is retired from the C.I.A. now. I would love for you to meet her one day."

The two agents sat in silence for a little while. Natasha still being held in Melinda's arms.

"Why are you thinking about your mother?" Melinda finally asked wondering deep down if her intent to show herself as nurturing as an Alpha was at least partially recognized to her distrusting Tasha.

"Because of this," Natasha said simply. "This with you and me right now. I can see my mother doing this. I sort of feel that way with you and I can't decide whether to let it happen or run away off into the jungle somewhere."

"Why?" Melinda asked in her common habit of short sentences. She cocked her head to the side and studied Natasha's facial expression.

"You know my first night in the red room, they killed two other children from other towns that were crying for their mothers. I learned even before I could read or write to repress my desire for any familial figure or I would die. Independence and strength were to be shown at all times or you would be beaten, drugged or killed." Natasha spoke into Melinda's chest not wanting to meet her eye. This secret was hard to talk about.

"I still don't understand why you want to run away from me when I only want to show I care about you and care for you?" Melinda asked with a tone of warmth and concern.

"It's hard. All my life since I was a small child, I was beaten and abused for wishing, for accepting and wanting to be loved," Natasha Romanov tried to explain. "I sometimes still have nightmares about those children screaming for their parents and being shot in the head." Natasha sat up so she could look Melinda in the eye. "Nobody since my mother has held me like this and wanted to do things for me with their only motivation as love."

"So you fight an inner battle Natasha Romanov. You fight the basic need and emotion of being nurtured and shown unconditional love. The red room may have beaten and trained you to be emotionless and needing for no one nor nothing but they could not remove the basic human need to for love to be loved." Melinda leaned forward and whispered in Natasha's ear. "And there is no need to fight that battle. When you do fight it the Red Room wins."

"My mother died when I was four years old. My head tells me that need died with her," Natasha voice was soft but edged with steel. "But you Melinda May are persistent in caring for me, even when I want to run."

"Maybe I am just as stubborn as you are Romanov," Melinda's tone was playful but the intent was not. "And for the record, I am not your mother. I would not want to take her place. My hair color is all wrong any way."

"But you are something. I don't know what exactly but it is similar," Natasha countered finally admitting aloud what she and Melinda had danced around since the first blood transfusion. "And I don't like the word Alpha exactly. It reminds me of the red room."

Melinda May could not have been more pleased by Natasha's admission but did not dare show it. Natasha could have easily run from this and their bond if she approached this wrong. This was one of the most heart-felt conversations she had ever shared with Natasha. Thinking carefully of her words, Melinda responded.

"Fair enough. You don't like calling me Alpha but you admit you make me think of your mother in how I treat you. Who am I? Or should I be more specific, what would you like to call me?" Melinda asked crossing her legs and then putting both hands on her knees. The Asian tried to put on an air of humor and amusement but deep down she was a mess wondering what Tasha would say.

"Well your name is Melinda. How about "beautiful jade" or "tree" in Chinese?" Natasha told her thoughtfully crossing her legs and matching Melinda's pose.

"You want to call me "Lin"?" Melinda asked a little surprised but she admitted to herself it was sort of nice. It was part of the spelling of her name and she appreciated both the nickname and the sentiment. It was a name that acknowledged their unorthodox but as Natasha admitted, maternal bond.

"Yes, but I don't want anybody else to call you that. Its personal," Natasha voiced full of entreaty.

"I sort of like it Tasha. I would be honored to accept the name," Melinda smiled taking Natasha's hand in her own. Melinda wanted to tell her that a new name would still require her respect for her position and authority. "Lin" would not just a name of affection. But the Asian decided honestly that Natasha was not ready for that conversation. Natasha talking some about her mom, the red room and her personal needs to be loved and cared about was enough. If another name helped make her more comfortable with her, she was ok with that. "So no more fighting your need to be cared for and shown comfort?"

"Yes Lin," Natasha said quietly. "But not with everyone, just you."

Melinda and Natasha shared a hug before the Asian stood up and pulled Natasha up with her.

"Let's go outside and enjoy the fresh air. Later tonight, I have something I want to show you. I want to talk to you about Bahrain."