Title: Saying Sorry
Author: SneetchesToo
Rating: Teen
Pairing: Ethan/Rox; Ethan/Leanne friendship
Summary: Rox knew she had a lot of people to say sorry too.
Author's Note: Nothing to report here. Just some angst and apologizing. And Ariel being a daddy's girl as always.
—
Rox had been reluctant to leave Ethan at the hospital, especially after she had seen how disoriented he was.
But then he had made it very clear to her that he didn't want her there.
And so she had waited until he fell asleep and she had left.
And she had ignored that little voice in the back of her head that told her to turn around.
That he needed her, no matter how he may have acted.
She ignored it all the way to the car before the waterworks started.
She hated herself for doing this to them.
She hated that she was letting him go through this alone.
When she had gotten home she was shocked to see that Emo had been waiting for her.
"How is he?" She hadn't even made it through the front door before the words left the older woman's mouth.
"Emo, hey!" She wasn't expecting her to be there. And she certainly wasn't expecting her to ask about Ethan right off the bat. "He's uh, he's hanging in there."
"How badly was he hurt?" She stood from her spot on the couch and offered Rox a curious look.
"Two broken ribs, a broken wrist. Sixteen stitches in his shoulder where he was stabbed." She had barely been listening when Noa had recapped Ethan's injuries to her last night. She was surprised that she even remembered any of what was said. "He has a pretty nice goose egg on his head too, but there's no sign of swelling or brain trauma."
"Has he woken up? Did he see you?" Emo's question sent her heart into overdrive.
She had begged and pleaded for him to wake up.
And then, when he did, he didn't want anything to do with her.
"He woke up for a bit. He was pretty out of it though." She tried to rationalize his behavior with the fact that he was doped up and had just been through something traumatic. It made her feel slightly better, regardless of whether or not it was true. "I don't know if he'll remember any of it."
"I'm sure he'll be happy to see you once he realizes what's going on." She shook her head back and forth at the older woman's words.
He most certainly wouldn't be happy to see her.
He'd probably never be happy to see her ever again.
"Doubtful. He... he didn't seem to thrilled to see me earlier." She whispered. "He was almost, mad, that I was here."
"Well after your fight I'm sure he was just surprised." Surprised didn't seem to appropriately cover how Ethan seemed to feel about her being there. "I certainly wouldn't have expected to see you sitting next to him. In fact, I'm a little shocked."
"I still love him Emo." And she did. More than anything in this world. And she missed him terribly. But she didn't know how to make things better, not this time. "I didn't just stop doing that overnight. That's not how this works."
"No offense sweetheart, but that's exactly how you painted this to him." She took a deep breath as her shoulders slumped forward. She knew Emo was right, 100%. "He most certainly thinks that you forgot about him overnight."
"He's talked to you?" She shouldn't have been so surprised.
Ethan seemed to confide in Emo about a lot of things.
Mostly about things that involved her.
"Briefly. We didn't get very far." The pained look on Emo's face told her all she needed to know. "He got very emotional."
"I miss him." She whispered.
"Then why do you keep pushing him away?" Emo asked quietly.
"Because it's easier that way." In the long run, it might have seemed easier, but right now, it was killing her being away from him. "It's easier if I act like it doesn't matter to me."
"Easier on who honey? On you?" She wanted to shout that it wasn't easier. She wanted to tell Emo the truth. That it was breaking her being away from Ethan like this. But she didn't want to seem emotional. She didn't want to seem vulnerable. "Because it's most certainly not easier on him."
"I just... I warned him that I wasn't any good at this." And she had, from the very start. She had told him when they were at the cabin that she didn't know how to do this, that she didn't understand relationships or how they worked. She had been warning him all along. "I don't know how to do relationships. I knew I would screw this up."
"Well I think now is the perfect time to fix things, don't you?" Emo offered her a soft look. A look that told her it was okay to open up. That this was something she was willing to help her with.
"Fix things how?" She whispered her question as she felt the tears start to fall from her eyes.
"He's gonna need someone to take care of him. Someone to lean on while he recovers." She hadn't even thought of that. She was sure that he probably already had that taken care of. Leanne and Ariel had been around him plenty after all. "He was there for you, now is your chance to be there for him."
"I don't know if I know how to do that." She didn't know how to take care of him.
She knew that he was emotionally and mentally unstable too.
She couldn't fathom how hard his recovery would be with that piled on top of the physical discomfort.
She imagined it would probably be similar to all the pain she had felt during her recovery all those months ago.
"Surely you do love. " Emo stepped forward then, her hands settling on Rox's upper arms as she spoke. "He needs you and you still need him, whether you want to admit it or not."
She swallowed as she nodded her head softly.
She just wanted things to be better.
—
Later that night Rox had finally gotten up the courage to go visit Ethan once again.
She had barely made it through dinner with Emo before the woman had basically shoved her out the door.
Telling her that she needed to 'go get her man' and make things right again.
So after she had showered and put on fresh clothes, that's exactly what she had done.
Except when she arrived at Ethan's room he was fast asleep.
However, he most certainly wasn't alone.
"Hey kid." She whispered as she entered the small space, her feet moving slowly as she tried to convince herself that she belonged here just as much as the young girl did.
"Hey Rox." Ariel's voice was soft and Rox could tell that the girl had been crying.
She knew this had to be hard on her, watching her father suffer like this.
She had never felt that kind of connection to her own dad, but she imagined that Ariel was probably feeling some kind of awful.
"How is he?" She whispered her question as she let the door shut behind her.
"Sleeping. He's been out of it for a while now." The teen didn't budge from her spot in the chair beside the bed. Instead she seemed to move herself closer to the sleeping man in front of them.
"Yeah. Jesse told me they gave him a strong sedative." She had been shocked when Jesse said that they had had to sedate Ethan earlier.
That he had become hysterical after waking a little after noon.
They were afraid he would rip his stitches, or worse, try to hurt himself.
So they had given him something to knock him out for a few hours.
She was surprised that it was still working though.
"Mom said he was really emotional when he woke up earlier." The girl turned to look at her and she looked so lost.
Her eyes were swollen and raw, her cheeks tear-stained and red.
Her voice was scratchy too, like she had recently been sobbing.
It broke Rox's heart to see her like this. To know that she was hurting during all of this.
She had never meant for this to come down on her the way that it had.
"Yeah. I heard that too." She wondered if Ethan had said anything when he woke up. If he had asked for her or if he had simply just been an emotional wreck.
"I'm worried about my dad." Ariel's whispered voice sent a shiver down her spine.
"I know Ariel. I'm sorry." She wanted to tell her that she was worried about him too.
She was afraid that he wouldn't be able to get through this in one piece.
She was afraid that all of this would ruin him once and for all.
"It's not your fault." She certainly felt like it was her fault.
Their fight two weeks ago had been the catalyst to all of this.
"It's my fault that he's been so closed off." She had pushed him away and he had shut down. She would never forgive herself for doing this to them. "Your grandpa told me he's been pushing you away. It's my fault that he's been like that and I'm sorry."
"I don't blame you." She could tell the girl was being honest with her. She hoped that she understood that she never meant for any of this to happen.
"Well you should." She certainly blamed herself. And she knew Ethan did too. "Look, your dad and I had a fight, a bad one. But he shouldn't be taking out his anger on you."
"Mom told me you guys broke up." Ariel's face said it all.
She knew exactly what went down between them.
She knew exactly how broken they both were.
Rox had always known the girl was smart, but damn was she observant beyond her years.
"We did." She whispered.
"Why?" That was a question she was still trying to answer herself.
She really didn't know why she had started that fight with Ethan in the parking lot two weeks ago.
And she didn't know why she had let him walk away without a fight.
"We just..." She let out a sigh as she shifted her focus from the girl in front of her to the man sleeping peacefully just a few feet away. "We don't belong together Ariel."
"Bullshit." The teen's response shocked her.
She knew the girl didn't hesitate to get feisty with her father, but she had never once shown her any ounce of disrespect.
Not that she thought that calling her out on her nonsense was disrespectful. Not at this point anyway.
"Ariel…" She would give the girl props. She wasn't backing down when it came to protecting her father.
"No. I'm sorry." Ariel turned around and gave Rox her full attention. "But I'm not gonna sugarcoat this for you Rox."
"Excuse me?" She really didn't want to fight with the girl.
But she was ready for one should it arise.
"This isn't fair." The teen's voice was soft and broken and she suddenly understood what she meant.
She wasn't trying to start a fight out of anger.
She was concerned and worried and she just wanted what was best for her father.
"Ariel… please." It broke Rox's heart all the same though.
"I want my dad to be happy." She barely heard the girl's words but when they registered in her mind she felt her heart shatter in two. That was all she wanted for Ethan as well. "It's what he deserves."
"I can't argue with that." She whispered in response.
Ethan deserved the world and she knew she couldn't give it to him.
That's why she had let him go.
"Then why are you pushing him away? You make him happy Rox. He loves you." The girl was almost pleading with her now, her eyes filling with tears as she wrapped her arms around herself. "Why are you so focused on destroying this? He needs you. And I get the feeling that you need him just as much, if not more."
"It's not that simple Ariel." In reality, it was a lot more simple than she was making it out to be.
But she didn't want to admit defeat to the teen that easily.
"Then explain it to me." She gave Rox a pointed look. A look that had Leanne Rorish written all over it.
If Rox didn't 100% know any better, she would swear that the woman had given birth to her fifteen years ago.
And she wouldn't doubt for a second that Ethan was her biological father.
"You wouldn't understand." She didn't know what there was for the girl to understand at this point.
She knew she was being ridiculous.
Everyone had told her so.
Noa and Emo reminded her of it constantly. Jesse wouldn't stop telling her she was being stupid. Martin wouldn't stop giving her looks that said he knew better.
And Leanne. Well Leanne had laid into her and she had deserved it.
This whole fight was overrated and pathetic and she really, really needed to move on.
"Like hell I wouldn't!" The girl was getting mad and Rox couldn't blame her. "Look, I've been through a lot in my life and I've seen a lot of shit. I know more than people give me credit for. I'm not stupid."
"I never said you were." She would never in a million years think that Ariel was stupid. She knew better.
The girl may not have been Leanne and Ethan's biological child, but dammit if she didn't have their brains, wits, and everything else in between.
"But you're treating me like it." She guessed that the kid probably felt like that a lot over the past year and a half. She didn't know the details of Ethan and Leanne's breakup, but she wondered if Ariel had been caught in the middle like she suspected. "I know you love my dad. And I know he loves you. And that should be enough."
"Things are complicated Ariel. It's not easy." They were only complicated because she was making them way.
"Well make them easy. Things were so good." Ariel was right, things were good. They were better than good. They were great. "You guys were so happy. What changed?"
"It's really none of your business." There was absolutely nothing surrounding their breakup that the girl couldn't handle hearing about.
She didn't know why she was so focused on shutting everyone around her out.
"But my dad is my business. I'm scared I'm gonna lose him Rox." She stood up then, moving toward the sleeping man. Rox watched as she let her shaking hand settle on Ethan's cheek softly. "He… he's been so lost. I know he's going through some stuff. And I know that he's been strong for mom and I because it's what he does. And he's been staying strong for you because he loves you. But no one's strong for him and I…"
"Ariel, honey…" She reached out for the girl, her hand settling on her shoulder as she stepped forward.
She had never had a real relationship with the girl before.
They had never really bonded like Ethan had wanted them too.
It was nothing personal, at least not for Rox. She just couldn't seem to get the girl to connect with her.
She wondered if it was out of respect for her mother or if they just really didn't have anything in common.
Either way, it made her a little sad inside that the teen seemed so distant from her sometimes.
"I'm scared." She gasped out as she turned around.
Rox's heart shattered into a thousand pieces at the image in front of her.
Ariel was normally the picture of strength and coolness.
She never let anyone see her break.
And yet, here she was, falling to pieces right in front of her.
"Don't be sweetheart. He would never do anything to hurt you." She reached forward and pulled the girl into her arms, wrapping her up tightly as she spoke softly into her ear. "Do you hear me? He loves you so much. You're the most important person in his life and he would never do anything to hurt you."
"But he's not getting any better." Ariel wrapped her arms around her tighter than she expected, her body shaking as she sobbed into her shoulder.
"He's just started healing hun." She ran her fingers through the teen's blonde hair, her lips pressing a soft kiss to her head as she held her tight.
"I don't mean physically. I mean mentally, and emotionally." She pulled back a little, rubbing at her eyes as she tried to calm herself. "He's in such a dark place. I don't wanna lose him there."
"You won't." Rox brushed her hair from her face and offered her a soft smile.
She hoped that the girl realized just how much her father loved her.
"He needs you." She whispered.
"No he doesn't." Ethan would never need her. Not like he needed Ariel. Not like he needed Leanne. He would always have them to love more. "He has you and your mom. That's who he needs Ariel."
"No. He needs you." Ariel shook her head back and forth as she spoke. "He and mom are never getting back together. And as much as it hurts, I'm old enough to see that and I'm strong enough to accept that. This isn't a fairy tale and they're not gonna live happily ever after together and that's okay."
"But they could…" She didn't know why she was so convinced of that, but she couldn't help it.
She had seen them together, on both good days and bad. And even on their bad days they were better than she and Ethan ever seemed to be.
"No. No they couldn't." The girl didn't seem convinced though. "Dad, he loves you. More than I think you realize. He talks about you all the time and I've never seen him happier than when he's with you. He needs you. You are the best thing that's ever happened to him."
"I beg to differ sweetie, I think that might be you." Rox offered her a smile in hopes of calming her down some.
She needed the girl to understand that she was her father's entire world.
That nothing, not even Rox, could trump that.
"Well then you're the second best thing to happen to him." She sniffled as she stepped back into Rox's arms. "Either way, you mean the world to him and I hate watching you two fight. I want you guys back together. It's what's right. It's what makes sense."
"Ariel…" Rox held her close, her arms tightening around her shoulders as she listened to her cry softly against her shirt.
"Please Rox. Please just talk to him." She clung to her like she was going to vanish and it broke her. She hated seeing the kid like this. And she knew that if Ethan was aware of how much his daughter was suffering right now, that he would lose his mind. "He needs to know that you still love him, that you still care about him. He needs to know that he hasn't lost you."
"I will Ariel, I promise." She pressed a kiss to her head as she let her eyes wander toward the sleeping man in question.
She knew she needed to make things right.
Not just for her and not just for Ethan, but for the broken girl in her arms who was worried about losing the only father she had left.
—
Rox had stayed with Ariel and Ethan a little bit longer before she decided that she needed some fresh air.
The emotional toll her conversation with the teen had taken on her was overwhelming and she needed to get herself together.
She had tucked the teen in next to her father before pressing a kiss to the top of both of their heads.
And then she had quietly excused herself and made her way toward the parking lot as quickly as her legs would carry her.
She had just made it out the door when she spotted Leanne heading inside and she knew that she needed to talk to the woman.
There was so much she needed to say and she knew that Leanne needed to hear her apology sooner, rather than later.
"Leanne!" She picked up her pace as she tried to catch up with the woman before she disappeared inside the doors. "Wait!"
"Rox, hey." Leanne slowed her pace then, stopping as Rox made her way toward her. "Is everything okay? Is Ethan alright?"
"Yeah. Yeah, he's fine." At least, he was as fine as he was going to get for now. "I just… I wanted to apologize to you for the way I spoke to you yesterday. You didn't deserve that and I'm sorry."
"It's okay Rox." She looked understanding enough and it both worried and soothed Rox. "You were scared and emotional. I get it. It's no big deal."
"But it is a big deal." She felt horrible for the way she had talked to the other woman. She felt horrible for everything that she had said and done toward her in the past few weeks. She certainly didn't deserve any of Rox's anger or animosity. "You were just trying to take care of Ethan and I lost it for no good reason."
"It's fine Rox." Leanne's shoulders slumped and she hoped that she wasn't going to lose the will to carry on this conversation.
"Please Leanne. Just accept my apology." She needed the woman to know that she never meant to hurt her. She never meant for things to get so crazy. "Just know that I never meant to speak to you like that. I never meant for things to get so out of hand. You're Ethan's friend and that's fine. I have no right to get upset about that."
"You don't need to be jealous Rox." She took a deep breath at the other woman's words.
"I'm not." She was jealous. A little bit. But she didn't want to admit that out loud.
"Yes Rox, yes you are." She let out a sigh as she closed her eyes.
She didn't want Leanne to think that she hated her.
That wasn't the case at all.
"I…" She didn't know what to say.
"And it's okay. I get it. There's a tiny part of me that's jealous of you too." Leanne jealous of her? That didn't make any sense. She could have Ethan back in a heartbeat. She wondered if the other woman knew how lucky she was. "I know it's silly and it's wrong and I would never act on that feeling, but it's there."
"He was yours first." What was she, twelve?
"This isn't middle school Rox." Leanne gave her a funny look and she couldn't help but let her head fall forward, avoiding the other woman's eyes. She felt stupid for making such a comment. "I'm not gonna fight over a guy with you just because I had him first."
"I…" Again, she was at a loss for what to say.
She had never really had friends before.
People who cared about her and her thoughts and feelings.
She was used to being able to just shove stuff aside and ignore it.
She both hated and loved that her friends here at Angels didn't put up with that bullshit.
"Rox… it's fine. Really. You two belong together." Everyone kept saying that and yet… "And he needs you. I see that now more than ever."
"I love him Leanne. I really do." And she did. She loved Ethan with every fiber of her being.
It scared her sometimes how much she loved him.
"I know." Leanne's voice was soft and the look on her face told Rox all she needed to know.
She was well aware of just how serious this was for her.
"I got scared." She whispered.
"I got that feeling." Leanne didn't seem mad though. Rather, she seemed concerned.
"He wants to get married." She didn't know why she was telling the other woman this.
She was sure that she didn't want to hear the details of their relationship.
"I know." Yet, she seemed perfectly fine with it.
"He wants to have a baby." That part was still scaring her to her core.
Even though Ethan knew it probably wouldn't happen, he was still hopeful, and that terrified her.
"I know that too." She wondered just how much Leanne knew about their relationship.
It seemed that she knew quite a lot.
"I don't think I'm ready for those things." In reality, she wouldn't have minded those things, but she was so scared of making those kinds of commitments. It terrified her.
"Then tell him that." Leanne always cut right to the chase didn't she?
"I did." And she had. Repeatedly. And it hadn't seemed to make much of a difference.
"And…?" She was waiting for an answer and Rox didn't know what to tell her.
"He still wants them." Ethan hadn't seemed to change his mind about getting married or having a baby.
Despite Rox's hesitation.
Despite her fears.
He still wanted them, probably now more than ever.
"He's always going to want them Rox. That's not going to stop just because you need time." Leanne offered her a soft smile, her hands reaching out to take Rox's upper arms in her hands. "But I can guarantee you that Ethan would never, not in a million years, force either of those things on you."
"I don't know how to make things right Leanne." She practically sobbed out.
She hated being so vulnerable in front of the other woman.
She didn't want her to see her as weak.
"Go to him Rox. Apologize." She didn't even know if she knew how to do that. She didn't know if she had the strength in her that it would take to apologize to him. "Tell him what's scaring you. Be honest with him. That's all he wants from you."
"I screwed up." She whispered.
"So what if you did Rox. Learn from my mistake." Her head snapped up at the other woman's words. What could Leanne possibly have to teach her when it came to Ethan? "I messed up and I let Ethan walk away without a fight. And while I know that it was for the best in the long run. I know that I shouldn't have just let him go like that. Don't do that Rox. Don't let him walk away from you without trying your hardest to keep him. You two are meant for each other. Everyone knows it. Especially Ethan."
She wished that she could convince herself of it.
She wished she could wrap her head around everything that was happening.
"I don't get why you're so nice to me." She said softly. She would never understand why Leanne didn't hate her after everything they had been through. "After everything I've done."
"You haven't done anything Rox. You got scared." Scared was an understatement at this point. "You acted out of all of those emotions and there's nothing wrong with that."
"But you're our friend." And she was, she was a great friend, especially to Ethan.
And they had been friends too, once.
Before she was even aware of her relationship with Ethan.
Before she even knew that Ethan existed.
"And that's why I can forgive you." She squeezed Rox's arms tightly, her eyes shining in the early afternoon sun as she offered her a smile. "That's why I can look past this and accept that the things that you said had no bearing. You're my friend Rox, a good friend, and I want you to be happy."
"I'm sorry for everything Leanne. Really." And she was. So very, very sorry.
She hated that this had turned into such a mess.
"I'm sorry too Rox." Leanne said softly.
"Can we just put this all behind us now?" She wanted to forget that this had ever happened. She wanted to just move on and start over and put this all in the past. "Please?"
"I want nothing more." Leanne's smile said it all.
She wanted the same thing and nothing more, nothing less.
And Rox was incredibly thankful that her apology had gone over so well.
She didn't know what she would do if it hadn't.
*Don't forget to comment.
