after i post this chapter, i will change this story from 'in progress' to 'completed' and that makes me kind of sad

thank you so much for all of the kind reviews and to anyone who faved, alerted, or even just read this story.

thank you, thank you, thank you!

xo


19 years later.

"Are they here yet? I have to pick something up from the office but I'd like to be here when everyone gets here."

"The snow's pretty bad," I peer out the window at the big snowflakes swirling down, fast and hard. "They might take a while...it's three days before Christmas Eve, do you really need to work from home? You know the holidays are my favourite time of year. And the worst time of the year. I need you here."

"I guess the work can wait," my husband grins. "Only because I love you."

The doorbell rings and the five year old, the seven year old, the ten year old, and the German shepard stampede from the living room to get the door. "Mooooooom," I hear the ten year old, Caleb, whine from the foyer. "Someone's hereeeee!"

"Just 'someone'? What -you don't remember me? Who taught you how to slide from the Slip'n'slide directly into the pool last summer?"

"Derrick!" I join the kids and the dog at the door. "No more corrupting my children!" I squeeze my old friend tight. The cold from his jacket seeps through my sweater so I pull him into the foyer. "Look at your beard!" I run my fingers over his stubbly jaw. "When did this happen? We don't see each other nearly enough. Where's Layne?"

"Bringing our bags," Derrick grins, his warm brown eyes crinkling at the corners. "I tried to give her a hand, but..." he shrugs.

"I can carry my own bags, this isn't the ninteenth century," Derrick's girlfriend of a year and a half trudges up the porch stairs, bags in hand. "Hello Claire," Layne drops the bags and kisses me on the cheek. "These can't possibly be the same kids I saw last August...they're much too big!" she scans the kids. Caleb, my ten year old. Charlie, my five year old. And Cameron, my seven year old and my only girl.

"Chris, man, how's it going?" Derrick slaps my husband on the back. "Did you finish that treehouse?"

"Took me over a month to finish building it, but it's great. Caleb and Cameron loved to sleep in it while it was hot," Chris smiles.

We're one of those families. You know the ones I'm talking about. Everyone begins with a C. It had started with Caleb, named after Chris's father. It was coincidence that Chris and I also began with a C. We named Cameron Cameron for obvious reasons. And then it only seemed fitting that our little Charlie be a C name too.

Chris and I met four months after I graduated from Yale. I couldn't leave New Haven and was spending my summer praying for a job to open up at the university. As luck would have it, a position came up, I applied, and actually got it. I beat out Chris, who'd graduated the year before me and also hadn't had the heart to leave New Haven. Twenty-one months later I was Mrs. Claire Plovert.

"Was Olivia able to make it?" Derrick unwinds his scarf and hangs it on the banister.

"She sends her wine," I nod towards the kitchen. "And her love. But she was only able to get two days off of work, and those days would be taken up by flying. Plus she couldn't leave the dogs."

The summer after we graduated from high school, Olivia and I went to France for a month. We came home, she packed her bags, and was back in France by October. She got her vineyard and her dogs.

"Momma," Charlie tugs on the hem of my shirt, looking up at me with big hazel eyes, "when's Mitch gonna be here? I wanna show him my dog," he tugs Monkey the dog's ears affectionately. We had Charlie a month after we got Monkey, so they've grown up together.

"Mitch has seen Monkey, remember? But he and Uncle Harris should be here soon," I promise, scooping up my youngest and planting a kiss on his cheek. Christmas, although still my favourite time of the year, is always the hardest time of the year. It makes me really need and appreciate my family.

Caleb leads everyone into the living room to show Derrick his skateboarding video game that Grandpa got him for an early Christmas present. Chris and Layne chat, Charlie lies down on the floor in front of the fireplace with Monkey, and Derrick and Caleb talk video games. I love how they get along, and Caleb is a little Derrick. Or maybe Derrick is just a big Caleb -he still has the sense of humour as a ten year old.

Cameron sits on one of the overstuffed arm chairs, staring patiently out the window. "Staring at the driveway won't make them get here any faster," I say gently.

"Yes it will," she squints her big blue eyes at the road, as if to summon the Fishers. Everyone says she's the spitting image of me. Chris often tells her she's a lucky girl. She has a really close bond with Harris, she has ever since she was born. And as someone with only boys, Harris adores her. Maybe it's the name.

Sometimes I'm surprised at how much she reminds me of her namesake. For a seven year old, she's wise beyond her years. Her laugh can make anyone laugh and her smile lights up a room. She makes me miss my best friend.

A blue minivan pulls up and Cameron leaps off the chair and to the door. Charlie and Monkey scramble up off the floor and try to catch up. I join them at the door, watching Harris, his six months pregnant wife, and his two boys walk up the porch steps. Although I regularily see his children, I haven't seen Harris in almost a month. He works a lot.

Harris and I broke up after my sophomore year at Yale. He was getting ready to graduate and apply to med school and we just didn't have the time for each other. We didn't talk for six months because it was hard being around each other. Those were the lonliest six months of my life. Finally we decided we needed each other in our lives, and have been friends ever since.

"Uncle Harris!" Cameron hugs his legs before he can even get into the house. "I was afraid you wouldn't come but I kept hoping!"

Harris scoops her up and ruffles her blonde hair. "I wouldn't miss spending Christmas with my favourite girl!"

Cameron's eyes grow wide and she steals a look at me. "I thought you said not to say I was your favourite in front of mommy," she whispers to Harris. "Because she would get mean."

Harris and I laugh. "She'd get jealous," Harris corrects. "Can I come in the house now? It's chilly out here, isn't it?"

"Mitch, this is my dog Monkey and you can't touch his tail because he doesn't like it, only if I do it, so maybe I will show you later but you can touch his ears, go on, do it, Momma tell Mitch to touch his ears," Charlie rambles, touching Monkey's ears. Harris's son Mitch is a year younger than Charlie, and Charlie has taken it upon himself to lead Mitch around everywhere. "Mitch, let me show you my Spiderman stocking, it's in here, come on!" Charlie runs back into the living room, Monkey close behind and Mitch stumbling after them.

"Hi, honey," I hug Jacob, Harris's twelve year old. He keeps his arms crossed and doesn't hug me back. I'm dreading the day Caleb decides he's too cool to hug his mom.

"It's Jake now, actually," Jacob -I mean Jake- grunts.

"I saw you last weekend and it was still Jacob then," I tease. "Caleb got a new video game, why don't you guys go try it out?"

Harris's wife, Skye, hugs me. "The house looks beautiful, I love how you hung the lights in the front," she compliments me.

"Chris's idea," I smile and stare down at her stomach. "How's the little one treating you?"

Skye shrugs her thin shoulders. "It's not as bad as it was with Mitch, luckily," she smiles at me, "Hopefully it has an appetite for that stuffing you make."

"No idea what the gender is?"

"We didn't want to know," Harris pats his wife's belly. "We heard with the first two and wound up cursed with boys. Hopefully this one's a girl."

"Will I still be your favourite girl if your new baby is a girl?" Cameron asks worriedly.

"I've got lots of room for lots of favourite girls," Harris promises. "You will always be one of them."

Cameron accepts that answer and drags Skye off to see the new Barbies she got from Grandma. I smile at Harris, who leans againt the door and crosses his arms. "I'm starting to see Skye more than I see you," I raise my eyebrows. "We went skating last week. Cammie missed you."

"I missed her. And the other brats, and you," he half smiles. "Work's work. Gotta do what I gotta do, right?"

"Is it still hard?" I ask softly.

"Always will be," he replies, his green eyes looking sad. "So many of them just remind me of Cam, right?"

"It's been nineteen years and it's still as hard as it was nineteen years ago," I hug my best friend tightly, burrowing my head into his chest.

"I can't imagine it ever being easier," Harris mumbles into my hair.

"Try to visit more, I miss you. So does Cameron."

"I promise I will," we break apart. "We went down to Florida to see my folks last month. Dad celebrated his seventy-fouth birthday. He's getting older and crankier each day," Harris laughs.

"That's what Skye was telling me, and the kids got to go to Disneyworld. Your mom sent me a Christmas card, and I just mailed one out to her yesterday."

"Harris," Derrick greets him with a grin and a hug. Gone are the days of awkward half handshakes and hugs. When we're all together, I sometimes forget we're not teenagers. We still get giggly after one too many glasses of wine, we still laugh over ridiculous memories (and we quite enjoy scarring the children with the ridiculous memories, as well -Caleb and Jake refused to believe Harris and I had once dated), and we still make fun of Westchester's elite and thank God that we got out of there.

And most importantly, we're still in each other's lives.

Harris and I settle down on the couch beside Skye, and Cameron jumps on Harris's lap and begins telling the very detailed story of how she got to bring her class's pet hamster home for a weekend. Derrick, Jake, and Caleb are already playing the new video game, Charlie, Mitch and Monkey have disappeared upstairs, and Chris and Layne are making mulled wine in the kitchen.

It's a funny thing, life is. It throws a lot of obstacles your way, but if you make it through them all, life's pretty sweet. I'm surrounded by family and friends in my favourite city in the world. The picture of Cam and I from the summer before eleventh grade sits framed on our mantle. It's nice to see those beautiful eyes and goofy grin every time I light the fireplace. It's good to let go of things, but sometimes it's so, so good to hold on. To remember.

At some point throughout the years, the emptiness got smaller. Just slightly. But it's smaller, and that's all that matters. I've learned that you can let go of something but keep it with you, too. That life sucks sometimes, but at the end of the day, it's beautiful.

Wherever Cam is, I know I'll see him someday. Until that day, though, I've got my family. I've got Harris's family, and Olivia, and Derrick. My wonderful husband. My parents, Chris's parents. We're all here and we're all alive. I made a point to live life everyday to the fullest because everyday, people die. Like my best friend. They're unable to experience the highs and lows, the beauty that is life.

And sometimes we forget just how strange it is to be alive at all.