Don't own.
Here's the deal. This chapter is all Tarsus. Skip it if you want, that's why I put a second update up today. If you just want what he told Spock, skip the italicized sections. Or read the whole thing if you like. I tried to make it pretty easy if you want to skip sections. The division of wants was pretty even, so that's why you get this.
Sorry if you're disappointed.
Nothing told here is actually critical for the story…
… … .. . .. … …
After dinner, Jim stalked silently to his room, Spock trailing closely after. He waited until they were both seated on the floor to look at his First Officer.
"I suppose I owe you that answer now."
Spock didn't reply, knowing there was nothing to say.
"Only ten other people know this. You'll make eleven…Well, it all started when Frank said I could leave. We found a colony that wanted young hands and minds." Jim laughed bitterly. "I was both. I left on a transport three days after I drove the car over the cliff…"
… .. . .. …
A young Jim Kirk sat idle in his seat on the transport, the suitcase of items at his feet the only remainder of Iowa. Next to him, a burly construction worked was fast asleep, snoring like a Tralathian snow worm sawing through trees. He was free of Earth and the memories that place held. Free to start a new life, and make something of himself.
When he got to Tarsus IV, he was put in the care of a host family, the Rileys. Their son, Kevin, was just a few years younger than him. For once he got to be the older brother, teaching Kevin how to farm, how to fight and fish, and how to throw a ball.
It was a couple months into his stay that the governor of the colony heard about his impressive efforts in the farming of the colony and his self-made attitude. Jim was called into the main city to see him.
"You work hard and only rely on yourself." Kodos spoke as Jim entered his office.
He paused a step, considering the statement before continuing in. "Yes, sir."
"I admire that. All too often, people are sniveling bottom feeders." Kodos pursed his lips in thought, standing up to close the distance between them.
"I appreciate the sentiment sir. Was that the only reason you called me in here?" Jim's tone was instinctually defiant.
Kodos laughed, kneeling down to get a look at Jim. "You're a pretty boy, bright eyes full of youthful vigor."
Jim tensed, but said nothing. Kodos' long finger wrapped around his chin, turning his head this way and that, inspecting him. The other hand carded through golden locks with an almost scientific cynicism.
"I wonder if it's something in your blood that makes you so stout hearted." He murmured absentmindedly, releasing him. "Tell me, James Kirk, do you like being given responsibility?"
"I can handle it, if that's what you're asking." Jim responded stubbornly.
"I see." He laughed. "I suppose you wouldn't like it, a free spirit such as yourself. It is such a lonely position, being in power. No one can dream of being close to you. And you would want that, wouldn't you? To be close to the other children in the colony?"
"No sir. I wouldn't." Jim's eyes were steely, focused on the wall behind Kodos.
"Very good." Kodos murmured, pleased by what he found. "And your opinion of mercy?"
"Only that you shouldn't need it if you've done nothing wrong, and you aren't likely to deserve it if you have." The words were chilling from the little voice that issued them.
"I have a proposition for you, James."
"It's Jim. My friends call me Jim." He gave the much older man an intrigued look.
Kodos laughed again. "And if we are not equals, then are we not friends? Very well, Jim. Many of the children in the colony know nothing of procedure or tactics or even farming. Do you know of an earth group called the boy scouts?"
"I've heard of them." Jim shrugged.
"I'd like you to lead a youth force, teaching them the important skills you know." Kodos instructed, standing up.
"I'm listening…"
… .. . .. …
"When I first got there, it wasn't so bad. I was used to farm work. I ended up staying with another family living there. The governor heard about how much I was helping out in the colony." Jim looked down at his hands. "Kodos put me in charge of a youth group. I guess he wanted me to learn to be like him."
… .. . .. …
Two months later, Jim had most of the children in the colony in somewhat cohesive, militaristic units. It was around this time he came to report to Kodos on how the project was going. He'd learned, very early on, that Kodos took great amusement when he would break in and sneak past his guards. Why the older man never felt threatened, he didn't know, but he suspected Kodos wished to make him into a personal guard. He was thrilled by this thought, and actively pursued to please the other man and gain his acceptance.
It was one such occurrence when Jim was crouched just around a corner of Kodos' private office when he froze, listening to a completely unfamiliar voice in conference with him.
"With this, both of our objectives will be fulfilled." The unfamiliar voice said with an air of familiarity.
"If you're sure it will work." Kodos murmured thoughtfully.
"You want this, don't you?" The voice questioned in the lifeless tone Jim recognized as a very early universal translator.
"But not at the cost of what is important to me." Kodos told him. "You are sure it will be as quick as you say?"
"It will." The voice told him. "And no one will trace it back to you."
"Good. Now tell me-" Kodos stopped abruptly. "What?"
"There is someone there."
"Leave." Kodos told the voice. "I'll handle this. We'll finish our discussion later."
Jim made to leave when he heard the retreating footsteps, but Kodos was quicker and ducked around the corner to levy Jim with a surprised look.
"Jim. You're early."
Jim tensed, glancing over Kodos' shoulder in search of the mysterious voice. Kodos continued, eyes narrowed at the young man.
"What did you hear?" Kodos' voice was dangerous.
"It was too muffled to make anything out." Jim lied. "Who were you speaking to?"
"Just one of my personnel." Kodos smiled stiffly at him. "Please, come in. Tell me how your work with the other youths is going."
… .. . .. …
"I overheard him talking with someone, a few months later. They were discussing getting away with something. The person he was talking to was using a really old translator. It was completely toneless, computerized. I didn't know you could even find those anymore." Jim realized he was getting sidetracked, and sighed. "I should have stopped trusting him then."
… .. . .. …
A month an a half later, Jim turned thirteen. Kodos threw a celebration for him, giving him the honorary insignia of his personal military force. Jim had never felt more welcome, accepted, then when Kodos had him begin official training. The men didn't look at him like he were a child unworthy of their attention. Rather, they instructed him as Kodos wished, as though he were the governor's own son.
On his own, Jim began training his youth core for police actions. He just knew Kodos would be thrilled, and surprised by his accomplishments. It was around that time that a strange fungus began attacking the crops. In spite of the colony's best efforts, the growing crops were destroyed within the month. With only the reserves to feed them, the colonists grew worried.
"Do we know when Starfleet will be here with emergency supplies?" Jim asked Kodos one night in his study.
Kodos shook his head. "I'm afraid not."
"This is bad." Jim paced the room, chewing thoughtfully on his thumb. "If they arrive within two weeks, everything will be fine, but rations will start to thin after that. In their weaker state, the colonists will be susceptible to disease…"
"You've learned well." Kodos set aside his book, patting the couch next to him for Jim to approach.
"I'm worried." Jim told him, resting against his side.
Kodos smiled softly at him, running a hand absently over his hair. "It's alright, Jim. You're still a child. You don't have the experience and training I do. I know what must be done."
"What?"
"You'll see soon. Everyone will." Kodos told him warmly.
Two days later, the governor stood before half of his colony. He had plans to address the rest of the public the following day. Jim imagined it wouldn't take that long for whatever news he had to travel. He stood just a ways from the podium, among the private guard. Many of the children he taught were in the uniforms that had been designed for them, standing at the front of the procession in neat, waiting rows. It was, to the many colonists, a surprise to be addressed directly, as Kodos was a naturally secretive man.
This was the first time many of them, including Jim's trainees, had seen him.
Blood thundered in Jim's ears, almost drowning out the speech as fear and alarm began to overtake him. Screams of panic filled the square as the private military let loose a volley of phaser shots. Jim watched his friends and family be plowed down mercilessly by the men he had trusted.
In a moment of rage, Jim yanked a phaser from one of the guards, taking a shot at Kodos. The neat perimeter that was working so well to decimate the few remaining citizens fell to peaces, split between killing the remaining survivors and defending the governor. Jim caught one last look at the crazy, disappointed eyes levied in his direction before Kodos had disappeared and Jim did what he could for those still struggling.
With distraction and guile, Jim succeeded in freeing some of his child crew from the frenzied massacre, them being the only ones who were capable of avoiding the phaser shots. There were nine of them, in total, including Jim himself. Almost immediately, terror gave way to anger and cold, lifeless professionalism. These children were no older than him, in most cases, but they bandaged their wounds and turned to him.
"We should mount an attack." Thomas Leighton, the only boy older than him, and one who was the least injured, made his suggestion to Jim with the tone of a suspicious man.
"We need to collect our forces. The members of the youth core that weren't there need to help us, or we'll never be able to take Kodos on our own." Jim told him, well aware the others were listening.
"Maybe you're just stalling us." One boy cawed in anger. "You're practically his pet."
"Jim was the one who shot at him." Kevin protested immediately. "He's the only reason we made it out."
"Everyone stop." Jim growled. "I know I misjudged him. You can hate me for that later. For now, we need to think of a plan."
The next day was filled with sneaking and plotting. Kodos' planned announcement wasn't made, for the fear of his life. Jim caught wind of whispers that something was happening in the private square just outside Kodos' mansion, and led his small force there.
He was horrified by what he found.
Piles of the dead were towered high. With detached, mindless obedience, children poured an accelerant on the piles. Jim's children. The people he had trained himself, following orders given by the men of the private military. Jim could see no fear, no trouble, just obedience. As though they weren't assisting in atrocities. Certainly as though they weren't being forced to do so.
When the fires lit, Jim's band of rogues took the square. The men rushed inside to alert Kodos, leaving the brainwashed children to deal with the small force.
"You don't have to help him!" Jim told them. "Come with us and we can stop Kodos."
One fifteen year old, the apparent leader of the band, who Jim himself had appointed, shook his head. "Kodos told us what's happening. It's only logical to dispose of the least productive, the least useful, members of our society in a time like this."
"We could have saved everyone." Jim told him coldly.
With that, his band attacked. The children fought against him tooth a nail, convinced by what the adults had told them. Jim's crew accomplished what they were attempting, though, and made it into the compound.
Chaos ensued.
For a full night, Jim and his boys evaded Kodos' men. It was this night that Jim managed to convince himself that trust was overrated. The people who just a couple days ago he relied on, had full faith in, were hunting him like an animal.
By a turn of misfortune, they were discovered by the guards, and brought to Kodos' personal study. Jim wondered at what fortune it was that he'd been delivered where he wanted, and was likely to die before he could do anything with it. Kodos paced before the expansive window, lit by the flame of the bodies still burning far below in the square, his suit heavy with the medals of his office.
"You had such promise."
"You're a dickhead." Jim snarled.
"Just what have you been up to here? Tell, me." Kodos smiled sickeningly at him. "You've made quite a ruckus. To what end? And what was it like? Standing among those who had fallen?"
Bile rose in Jim's throat. Kodos, narrowed his eyes.
"There was a report. A rumor that you had found the few who hadn't made it to the square, that you'd hidden them away. When was this? The night after the order? How did you find them so quickly? And what have you done with them?"
"We'll never tell you." Thomas roared, attempting to lung against the bonds that held him down.
"Oh, I think you will." Kodos lifted the poker from his fire, a tender, loving look on his face. "Jim will answer all my questions. Anything to make the pain stop."
"I can handle anything you throw at me!" Jim challenged.
"I think you've misunderstood." Kodos told him, rounding on Thomas. "You won't be the one in pain."
… .. . .. …
"I was with him at the execution. I could only save a few of them." Jim's voice turned remorseful. "They burned the bodies. I…he used children to burn the bodies, Spock. He had them light the fires. We…the other survivors and I…we invaded his compound. We were going to kill him. We were caught. Kodos…he tortured them in front of me."
… .. . .. …
In the end, Kodos was right. Jim couldn't stand to see the others in pain, and nothing he could do would draw Kodos' attentions to him. Sobbing at the futility of it all, Jim told him. He told him how they had familiarized themselves with the housing. How they knew the fastest route. How they had found the few on the kill list who had already been too sick to make the massacre. How they'd organized themselves and he honestly couldn't tell him where they were if he wanted to.
He wouldn't have even if he did know.
He told him of the plan to find him, take him captive and use him as a hostage to ensure the military force did as they were told, and took care of all of the survivors as they would the people who weren't on the kill list. How they would hold him prisoner until Starfleet arrived and how he would be taken prisoner and tried for his crimes.
Not one of his men looked at him like he were a traitor, seconds themselves from offering the information to stop they and their comrades' pain. None had been so disfigured as Thomas, but the wounds were upon all of them. Jim's bled where no one could see them.
In the time it had taken to tell his story to Kodos, Jim had loosened his bonds. It had been foolish to use anything but the best of means, and Kodos was foolish. Freed, Jim sprung forward.
For a moment, everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Jim's lunge was graceless, a messy leap propelled by his coiled muscles. He had no weapon, no real plan. Around him, guns came to bear, shouts of warning deaf in his ears. Kodos' face fell, seeing his own death in the blue eyes riveted on him. Jim felt his heart beat, just six beats before his hands connected with Kodos' body. The heavy fabric of his militaristic uniform was rough under his palms. Light danced off of the medals, almost blinding in Jim's eyes as they twinkled maliciously.
Jim carried through, his whole body knocking Kodos off balance. He felt the man push him back, away, and the sound of shattering glass filled his senses. Kodos had always been too proud, too indulgent, for clear aluminum.
Time sped back up, his breathing heavy and harsh, the gasps of surprise a mere second, and then gone, lost to the stunned silence. He waited for the inevitable blast, signaling his death. At the sound of phaser shots, he exhaled calmly, having come to terms with what was to happen. But there was nothing. A small hand fell on his shoulder, and Jim looked over to see Kevin, holding one of the guards phasers.
"They're dead, Jim." Thomas' voice sounded from behind him. "The last of the people who knew Kodos are dead."
Jim turned, unsurprised to see the bodies. He should never have doubted his crew.
"Thank you." He croaked out hoarsely.
… .. . .. …
"I pushed him through a window. He fell into the fires below. The same fire he burned his victims in." If there was a touch of vindictive satisfaction in Jim's voice, Spock didn't call it to attention. "The survivors with me, they killed the last of Kodos' guards with their own phasers to save me."
… .. . .. …
Starfleet, in some grand, comedic joke of the universe, arrived the next day. Jim's crew, having taken the unofficial post as protectors and governors of the remaining colonists, were the one's to meet them. The men of the landing party took them into consideration immediately, and retreated to call their first officer down. He was a tall man, with dark brown hair, a strong, blocky body, and a no nonsense look about him.
"I am Commander Garrovick of the USS Farragut. Who is in charge here? What happened to the governor?"
"My name is James Tiberius Kirk. I'm in charge. The governor is dead."
"Dead! How?"
"I killed him."
Jim should have known better than to say that. For the next twenty hours, he and his crew were questioned nonstop. Men searched the burned out bodies and found, a fair distance from one of the piles, a body burned beyond recognition, the medals melted to the unidentifiable body indicative of the governor. Jim wasn't sad to hear it, just stating he hoped he was still alive when he caught fire.
Malicious statements aside, the colonists of Tarsus IV backed up Jim's words. Though none of them had seen Kodos' in person, his message still reached the people and the children he had enlisted to burn those he had massacred. Kodos the executioner, they called him.
Starfleet sought psychiatric care for the people touched by the disaster. Kirk declined. Eventually, it was agreed that the Commander should try to find some way to get him to open up. Kirk found that laughable. They'd been brief in their explanations, so no one could begin to understand what truly happened. A lock down on the information was immediately issued, so that the only records available were the names of the dead, the fact that there had even been an order, and one poorly taken picture of Kodos himself.
Kirk spoke, once, to a councilor, and had the girl leaving the room in tears, refusing to work with him again.
Satisfied that he had made his point, he watched the coming and leaving of emergency personnel. Many of the colonists left, leaving room for the Starfleet scientists to try and find out just what happened. It was two weeks after Kodos' death that Garrovick finally approached him. The were sitting on the observation deck, silent.
"You couldn't have known what he was planning." Garrovick told him.
Jim glowered at him. "What do you know?"
"I know I was a week too late."
The both stared silently at each other. Finally, Jim nodded in agreement. Garrovick took that as a sign to continue.
"I can't help but wonder. If I had been here just a bit sooner, would I have been able to save the people he killed? Would it have mattered at all?" He sighed, shaking his head. "You know what I found when I got here?"
"Death." Jim answered soberly.
"Life." Garrovick corrected, to the younger's surprise. "I found you, and the eight others from the kill list that saw his face. I found one hundred and fifty people that would have been systematically hunted down and killed. I found four thousand people on the verge of panic, little more than a week from starvation. I found survivors."
"You found a half dead colony."
"And I could have found an entirely dead colony, if I had been any later." Garrovick reminded him. "I wanted to save everyone. More than anything, I wish I had, but I didn't. All I can do is accept that a madman got there before I did. That he did something I couldn't have predicted, couldn't have imagined because I don't have a mind like he did, and that I saved those I could. Most of them were saved under their own power, under your power, but I saved who I could. And I'm glad for that, Jim. I'm glad that I tried. Do you know why?"
Jim shook his head, tired of this guessing game he was being put through. Garrovick offered him a smile.
"I'm glad I tried, because it proves that I'm not like him. It proves that I hold life, all life, at a higher value than he did. I'm not trying to sound like some pompous jerk here, Jim. I want you to see that you're better than him too." Garrovick chuckled at the sour look on Jim's face. "When Kodos ordered the death of half his colony, where did you point your gun?"
"At him." Jim rolled his eyes, knowing he'd already explained that.
"Why? What were you hoping to accomplish?"
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do. What did you think would happen?"
"That they'd stop!" Jim shouted, leaping to his feet in anger. "That maybe, if he was dead, we could still save almost everyone. That if he died his men would stop shooting."
"And when you shot at him, that gave those eight the precious time necessary to escape. That gave you the chance to find the others on the list. You did save them. You should be proud of that fact."
"I…"
"You saved them. You should always be thankful for the lives you saved. Always."
Jim left the observation deck in silence. Garrovick didn't follow him. It would take time for Jim to accept what he'd done as something good. Time he had now. Time away from this horrid memory. The Farragut was leaving in a day. And he knew, finally, Jim would have the chance to sleep. It was hard to miss the boy's tear stained eyes and sleep weary bags just under them.
In time, the nightmares would fade.
… .. . .. …
"Starfleet arrived just the next day. It was the Farragut and Garrovick was its First Officer. There was an investigation. In the end, they found a corpse that couldn't actually be identified. They said it was his." Jim was looking aside again. "I left with Garrovick. He was doing his best to help me, but I was being stubborn about it."
… .. . .. …
The nightmares didn't fade, though, in the darkness of space. Jim howled in terror at nights, jolting awake in the Sickbay. Dreams, not only of Kodos, but of farther past, hunted him, stalking through the dark halls as he paced the ship at night, fleeing from his history.
Garrovick was worried, when he received constant reports of Jim haunting the halls. None of the others aboard his ship were having such problems. Of course, no one else insisted on excluding themselves from company.
"You're just making things worse for yourself." Garrovick cornered him, scowl firmly in place.
"What do you care? As soon as we get back to earth, I'm going to be sent back to Iowa to live with Frank until my mom gets back from her mission." Jim knew Garrovick had looked through every ounce of his available records.
"So what are you going to do with yourself? Get into trouble? Waste your obvious leadership skills and genius on, what, a life of meaningless wandering? Attempts to run as hard and fast as you can from the things you've seen? What are you going to do, Jim?" Garrovick didn't sound angry, just knowing what question to ask to pierce the armor Jim tried to build around himself.
"I don't know. But there's no where else for me to go."
"Take this, Jim." Garrovick handed him a small, stuffed dog. "It's my son's. He's a ways younger than you. Makes me take it when ever I go on a mission…so the things I see won't haunt me."
"I don't want your kid's toy."
"Just keep it safe for me, for now." Garrovick told him. "You can give it back to him yourself when we reach the port at Earth."
"Fine."
… .. . .. …
"He'd managed to trick me into agreeing to meet David." Jim laughed at that, noting the curious look on Spock's face. "He gave me something of David's to 'take care of' until we reached the port."
… .. . .. …
Jim was always good at listening in. He was sneaking around Sickbay, since he still wasn't allowed to leave except on the rare occasions the CMO agreed the observation room would do him better than nothing. Sitting by a doorway, he listened to Garrovick as he spoke with the CMO.
"How is his condition?"
"Honestly, terrible." The CMO sighed. "It's apparent that he wasn't eating well even before the famine. And those few days running around after the massacre, he didn't eat at all."
"And the days after Kodos' death?"
"Nothing as far as I can tell. He went over a week without any real food."
"Damn martyr." He sighed. "And the others?"
"Progressing much better. Most of them have started to come to terms with what happened. The only one I'm worried about is Thomas Leighton."
"Why Thomas?"
"Well, we got to him too late. The damage done to his face had gone too long without proper treatment. It's a wonder they managed to do what they did. But his psychological condition is much worse. He's convinced Kodos isn't dead."
"So I have to worry about Jim and Thomas?" Garrovick pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. "What about Kevin Riley?"
"What about him?"
"Is he alright? I saw him charting out the time it takes to get to Tarsus IV from every planet in the federation."
"Mild trust issues, an irrational fear that he's the only person around, and a bit of paranoia, but he's fine. He's accepting the help."
"Alright."
… .. . .. …
"It turns out, he and his CMO were pretty worried for me. They thought I wasn't going to be able to be normal." Jim gave Spock a look daring him to say he was otherwise.
… .. . .. …
"Where's your son?" Jim asked roughly, awkwardly waiting with his bag, holding the stuffed dog.
He wasn't willing to admit that it had helped a lot. Something about the little toy, so obviously treasured by someone, was a lead weigh, weighing him down in a comforting way, keeping him in reality.
Garrovick smirked at him. "Just wait Jim. They'll be here soon."
Jim harrumphed, scuffing the ground. He hadn't called Frank yet. He didn't really want that conversation. Which meant he was going to be waiting for a while anyway. But it felt so awkward, waiting with the other man, who viewed him as a child. He was a child, but he'd been forced into responsibility for so long. Forced to keep his distance. He craved the attention he had before…before Frank. He craved being able to do what he wanted, not having anyone to answer to, not having anyone to direct. He wanted to be free of those burdens, of the horrors still holding onto him.
But he wasn't a child anymore.
A beautiful woman came into view, her long brown hair falling in loose curls around her shoulders, a little brown haired boy clinging to her hand and gently sucking his thumb, though he was old enough to know better. Garrovick smiled, waving to get her attention. The little boy released her hand, sprinting across the station to fling himself into his laughing father's arms. She approached at a much more moderate pace, eyes soft and loving.
Jim's chest clinched. She turned her eyes to him and a look of mild surprise graced her features. David scrambled down to look at him. Flushed with embarrassment, Jim thrust the stuffed toy into his hands.
"Is that one of the survivors?" The woman whispered softly, not realizing Jim could hear her.
"Yes." Garrovick answered, watching closely as David inspected his toy.
"You took good care of him." David announced happily.
"Yeah." Jim replied awkwardly, wondering if he could leave.
… .. . .. …
"I wasn't exactly what his family was expecting when he came back from his mission either."
… .. . .. …
"You were on daddy's spaceship?"
"Yeah, I was."
"I was on a space ship once." David said proudly. "But they stabbed me with those awful hypos."
Jim couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah, they're the worst."
Jim found it suddenly quite easy to speak with David. He was enthusiastic, bright, observant. He was a lot like him, in some weird ways. Soon he was laughing and whispering conspiratorially with David about nothing at all. Garrovick and his wife were watching them in amusement.
… .. . .. …
"Somehow, me and David got along instantly. So they offered to let me stay with them until my mother got back from her mission, as long as Frank approved."
… .. . .. …
"Can I keep him? Can I keep him? Can I keep him? Please!" David chanted eagerly.
"Oh alright already!" Garrovick laughed in alarm. "You can keep him."
… … .. . .. … …
Probably not as dramatic as it could be, but I certainly like how it came out. Spock didn't quite get the details you all did, you might note. If you don't know what Tarsus IV is, or you want to know more about it, read the Shatnerverse novel Avenger (don't ready it) or watch 'The Conscious of the King'. I wouldn't really suggest the Shatnerverse novel though.
