Next chapter (and apologies for the wait). Please, please leave a review if you have a few seconds to spare, and as ever, I hope you enjoy...


Friday 24th July 2015

5.46pm

John-Paul sat on his bed flicking through the post in the suitcase, pulling out letters at random before replacing them where they had come from. 'How dare they?' 'This was nothing to do with them…' 'They had no right to keep these from me, absolutely no ri…" And then it hit him, and it was like he'd been punched in the stomach. When, instead of just glancing at the letters whilst the angry thoughts ran round his brain, he actually saw the one he was holding. Saw the familiar hand-writing on the envelope and suddenly realised how much he had missed it.

Missed seeing it in the inscriptions Craig wrote in the front of the books he always bought him for Christmas and birthdays. Missed seeing it on the blackboard that had hung in their kitchen where they wrote shopping and things to do lists. Missed seeing it on the notes written in the margins of his university assignment drafts and later his lesson plans when he'd asked Craig to look over them and see what he thought. And missed seeing it on the Post-It notes Craig was always writing –with quotes, or jokes, or messages of endearment, or simple reminders – and then used to put in all sorts of weird and wonderful places around their flat and beyond, for him to find, sometimes weeks later. On the underside of the bread bin lid, inside his lunch box, tucked into the pages of a book he was reading, on the inside of the bathroom cabinet…

And he suddenly remembered, at the same time wondering how he had ever forgotten, that he had collected those post-it notes, saving them in a notebook his mum had sent over to Dublin for him a couple of weeks after he'd arrived there, but which he'd decided was too good to be used for lecture notes. And he wondered what had happened to it – that notebook filled with wisdom and knowledge and memories and love, in the expectation that one say he, they, would be able to show it to their children, to share with them where they had come from, a part of how they had come to be. And he found himself hoping, beyond all reason, that by some miracle that notebook hadn't been thrown out in the clear out he expected Craig had had of his stuff when he realised that he wouldn't be coming back. Because it would be nice to see it, them – those post-its – again, maybe to be able to show them to Matthew in a few years time.

Because he'd always told him about Craig, his 'other dad', showing him photos and talking about him, even though he wasn't sure what he'd say when Matthew asked him the inevitable question about where his 'other dad' was. It was one of the things he and Ste had disagreed about most often and most bitterly. Ste arguing that it would be better for Matthew if he wasn't even aware of 'someone he'll never meet and who obviously doesn't give a damn about him'. Whilst he was determined not to keep secrets from his son, no matter how hard they might be to explain. And it seemed that Ste had been wrong about Craig's attitude towards Matthew, as it appeared, judging from those presents, that Craig had not only 'given a damn' about, but had also thought about Matthew often. 'I'll have to go and get them from mum's room at some point' he thought, wondering, at the same time, how he was going to explain the sudden appearance of old Christmas and birthday presents to Matthew. 'I'll have to think of something,' he thought 'because the truth isn't an option. Although, haven't I always said I didn't want to lie to him, to keep secrets. So, maybe a version of the truth then – a sanitised version with no baddies who had tried to keep things from him that they had no right to.' He felt the anger rising in him again and so was quite relieved to have his thoughts interrupted by a quiet knock at his door. But he still paused a moment before he said, "Come in" and found himself tensing up before he relaxed when he saw as the door opened that it was Carmel standing in the doorway carrying two cups.

"I brought you a cup of tea," she said, holding out one of the cups but still not coming in.

"Thanks," he said, smiling at her and holding out his hand, inviting her in.

She came in a few steps and passed him the cup, before beginning. "You know I had no ide…"

"I know, I know," John-Paul interrupted, "and I'm sorry about earlier – shouting at you like that. Of course I know this was nothing to do with you" he said, indicating the suitcase. "You're far too honest to be involved in anything this devious, it's just I was sooo angry. But I shouldn't have taken it out on you, so sorry," he concluded.

"It's OK," Carmel reassured him, sitting down next to him on the bed "it must have been a shock – when you found them."

"No, I mean yes, yes and no," John-Paul said, "but it wasn't finding them that was the shock. Not really," he continued, trying to explain, "I mean Craig had told me about them and so I figured mum must have had something to do with it. But it was the lengths she'd gone to, to keep them from me – I mean, getting our postman involved. And then Mercy and Jacqui being part of it too. It's just all so unbelievable – like something you'd see on Jeremy Kyle or read about in one of those trashy magazines Mercy always buys. You know, 'my mum kept my post from me to keep me and my gay lover apart'," he said. "And don't you even try to defend her," he continued, "because I don't care that she thought she was doing the best thing, she had no right, and that's all there is to it. Because these," he said, running his fingers lightly over the letters, "these are mine. Not mum's, not Mercy's – MINE, and they had no business keeping them from me."

"I know," Carmel said simply

"I mean they're not even all from Craig" John-Paul continued, "they even kept my last few Irish bank statements from me, and junk mail that Craig must have sent on. What's that all about? Although, I suppose I should count myself lucky they didn't just get rid of them," he added bitterly, "and it doesn't look like they've read any of them either," he said, more thoughtfully, turning the envelope he was holding over to reveal that it was still sealed. "I bet Mercy wasn't too happy about that!"

"No, probably not," Carmel agreed, "you know how nosy she is. I bet she'd have loved to have a sneak peek at all these,"

"Yeah, well there's no chance of that now," John-Paul said definitely. "I'm going to keep her as far away from them as possible. I still can't believe they went to all this trouble to keep Craig out of my li…."

"On yeah, how is Craig?" Carmel interrupted, genuinely interested but also hoping to catch him before he got annoyed again, "I couldn't believe it when Sonny said that the person on the news this morning was him. You just never expect it to be someone you know, do you?"

"No," John-Paul replied, shaking his head, dragged back to that awful time when he had been kneeling by Craig's side outside the Emporium, "no you don't. Erm, but" with an effort pulling himself back from that horror, "yeah, he's OK. He's been really lucky – it could have been much worse," he said, with a slight shudder, as the truth of that statement hit home again.

"Oh I am pleased," Carmel said, giving him a gentle hug, "I always liked Craig. Have you seen him since?"

"Yes, yes – he was awake and talking when I left to go and collect Matthew and Nancy said he was sitting up and drinking tea when she popped in earlier."

"That's good. Are you going back tonight?" Carmel asked, "I'll look after Matthew if you want to."

"Oh thanks, that'd be great, if you're sure?"

"Of course," Carmel said smiling, "we can have Friday fun time – it'll be great."

"Oh thanks," John-Paul said mirroring her smile. "Matthew would love that. I'll have to find out when the visiting times are, and no doubt negotiate with Frankie when I can see him," he added, his smile growing. "I don't think she'll be letting him out of her sight willingly for a long, long time."

"No, I don't suppose she will," Carmel agreed, smiling more broadly too. "Mind you, it must have been horrible for her," she added, suddenly becoming serious again, "after Steph and everything. She must have been so scared that he wouldn't make it."

"Yeah, she wasn't the only one," John-Paul said. "When I was in that ambulance and he just looked so ill, well… I don't know…it was just so…" he tailed off with another shudder.

"But he's OK now!" Carmel said definitely, trying to keep John-Paul from thinking about the 'what ifs'.

"Yeah, yeah I suppose," John-Paul said. "Yes, he's fine," he said smiling slightly, "well as fine as you can be after you've been stabbed, anyway."

"Yeah, Sonny was saying they were interviewing all the people who were there today. Did they speak to you yet?"

"Yeah, I gave them my statement this morning at the hospital, whilst I was waiting. Not that I could really tell them that much. I didn't get there till after it'd happened, so I didn't see anything that they could use to catch anybody."

"But there must have been loads of people there who did see what happened" Carmel said. "I'm sure they'll catch whoever it was soon. I expect they'll want to speak to Craig too, if they haven't already"

"Yeah, I suppose they will." John-Paul agreed, adding, "I bet that'll make for an interesting conversation – Frankie vs Hollyoaks finest. I can't see her being too keen on having Craig upset by all the questions," he explained, seeing the puzzled look on Carmel's face.

"No, but she'll want the person who stabbed him caught though."

"Yeah, but I still can't see her letting the police in without a bit of a fight. It's her default setting isn't it – fiercely protective mother."

"Yeah, like mum is with, and you are with Matthew." Carmel said.

"If that's some kind of coded way of trying to get me to forgive mum for keeping these from me," John-Paul said, his annoyance evident in his tone, indicating the letters, "then you can save your breath bec…"

"No, no it wasn't" Carmel interjected, quickly, "I promise. I'm not trying to excuse anything, honestly."

"OK, sorry," John-Paul replied, believing her and instantly regretting the flash of anger.

"It's OK, really," Carmel said. "It must be strange seeing them all here like this."

"Yes, yeah it is." John-Paul said, before adding quietly, as if to himself. "Yeah, it's like the rain."

"What?" Carmel asked looking puzzled and wondering if she had heard right.

"Oh nothing," John-Paul said, before going on to explain. "But it's weird isn't it? How you can miss something so much without even realising it, until suddenly there it is again."

"Erm, yes I guess," Carmel agreed, her face showing her confusion far more than her words.

"Oh sorry," John-Paul said, realising that Carmel couldn't possibly know what this had to do with the rain, "just ignore me. I expect the lack of sleep is catching up with me – I don't suppose I'm making much sense."

"No change there then," Carmel replied, not missing a beat.

"Oi," John-Paul said, hitting her softly whilst grinning, "I've had a trying day today, you're meant to be being nice to me."

"I got you a cup of tea didn't I?" Carmel shot back, "what could be nicer than that. And I offered to look after Matthew tonight for you. If that's not sisterly love in action I don't know what is," she concluded.

"Mmm, I suppose so," John-Paul conceded, "and you are my favourite sister so I suppose I can forgive you the occasional insult," he added, grinning. "And you do make really good tea," he said, taking a sip, "and if you're sure about looking after Matthew tonight I'll give Frankie a ring in a minute and see when I can visit Craig."

"Course I'm sure," Carmel said, "I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it. But," she asked, "what are you going to do about all this," indicating the letters.

"Well, apart from having a massive go at mum and Jacqui when I speak to them next, and trying to come up with an explanation for Matthew as to why he's got birthday and Christmas presents that he hasn't opened," John-Paul began, "read them all I guess. See what Craig and everybody else had to say. But I haven't got time for that now, Matthew needs his tea and I've got to sort this visiting thing out with Frankie, and I think that's going to be difficult enough. I think the letters will have to wait till I've had a good night's sleep. I'm not sure it'd be a good idea to read them at the moment – I wouldn't want to smudge the ink after all," he concluded.

"No, I suppose not" Carmel agreed "and now you've found them, you've got all the time in the world."

"Yeah, yes I have," John-Paul said, smiling. "To all the time in the world," he added, holding his cup up as if making a toast.

"All the time in the world," Carmel repeated, mirroring John-Paul's action and touching her cup to his, "and to Craig being OK," she added.

"I'll definitely drink to that," John-Paul said, taking a long sip. "Yeah, Craig's OK and that's what matters!" he concluded, smiling, and giving Carmel a hug.


So apologies to the person who asked for more Craig in this chapter - I'd nearly finished it before I read your review but I promise he will definitely be in the next few chapters.

Also, just to say I'm not sure how often I'll be updating over the next couple of months (thesis writing has to take priority) so please bear with me (as I promise I will finish this story at some point!)