Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. If it was, Robsten and I would be besties and when I finally got Ryan Gosling to marry me, we would all double date.
SHOUT OUTS—Jess: Love you. I will get you blogging, soon. It's a challenge I am willing to accept. DarlingSaila: Thank you for being extra special this week during beta time. Lord knows I understand how certain "distractions" can cause havoc. Many Robsten hugs for you.
EVERYONE: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading, reviewing, lurking, tweeting, tumblring, facebooking… you're all amazing. I really hope you come to learn how much I appreciate you even when at times (okay I won't lie, most of the time) I fail to reply to your wonderful comments. I love you all.
-x-
The Slowest Burn
That awkward moment when… your telepathic skills you share with your father fail you at the dinner table.
Ch. 28: Know This, I've Noticed
Time is fucking me up and I'm not even high. Everything just feels so fleeting. Like a fistful of sand, it slips through the cracks and down it goes, no matter what you do or say.
That "through the hourglass" analogy is no joke. It makes me kind of sad because I'm graduating in six months and everything is going to be different. I won't have cheerleading anymore, or play fights with Dad, or battle of wills with Royce, or pinching wars with Jake, or…
Or late nights with Edward sneaking through my window.
"Hello? Are you still there?" Rosalie's irritated tone snaps me back into the present.
"Oh," I laugh apologetically. "Sorry, I guess I sort of spaced out for a second."
She sighs. "I know I'm not as fun as I used to be, but you can at least pretend like you miss me and want to talk to me," she teases, though I know a small part of her is telling the truth.
"Don't say that." I run my fingers through my hair and lean back against the headboard on my bed. "I'm just nervous, and I miss you, and I just feel like everything is moving too fast. I have absolutely no control over my life anymore. Why did it seem like I had everything planned out and now I don't know, or understand, anything?"
Rosalie clicks her tongue softly. "Breathe, Bella. It's going to be okay. This stuff is supposed to happen, all right? It's part of growing up and becoming… dun-dun-dun! An adult!"
I smile despite my mood. "I don't wanna."
She giggles. "Too late, Bell. You're halfway there, so enjoy it. I wish I had your freedom."
"Well, now I feel bad." I frown into my phone. "I didn't mean to depress you, or shove in your face that… ugh! I'm sorry."
"Stop," she snaps. "Don't even go there. Now, shut up and tell me what you're going to wear tomorrow?"
I groan. "I don't know."
"Lord have mercy, Isabella Swan. What would you do without me? Go get your laptop and meet me on Skype in the next five minutes. We're going to find you something to wear, and then we're going to go over proper discussions to use at the dinner table. Because, sweetie?" She pauses. "It is not okay to quote Will Ferrell movies and throw your food at them if they don't understand the reference."
I click my tongue. "Oh, my god, it was one time—okay, maybe four—but Dad so knew that line. He was being a shit on purpose because he knows I hate to be embarrassed in front of people."
"No excuse. Oh, also, it is not okay to look at Edward and say, 'remember that one time?' and then wink at him while clicking your tongue twice. Your dad will go apeshit." I can't believe her utter lack of faith in my table etiquette! "And stop cursing me out in your thoughts."
I inhale sharply at her psychic abilities. "Stop that, you!"
"You are such a nerd," she laughs.
"What are you going to do for the holidays? Are your aunt and uncle going to do anything?" I ask, curious to know what she'll be doing for Christmas.
"Well," she says and pauses for a breath, "my uncle brought home a tree and my aunt and I decorated it. Then we directed my uncle and his friend while they put lights up around the house. It looks pretty good, actually, I'll take a picture and send it to you."
I smile at the semi-happy tone in her voice. "Sounds like it's not too bad over there, right?"
"Yeah, yeah. I already said it wasn't that bad over here. I'm just nervous about how it's all going to go down when the baby comes. Honestly, I think my aunt is on my side sometimes," she says in confidence.
"Really?" I gasp, sitting up so fast that I almost drop the phone. "How so?"
"Well…" she whispers. "She asked me if I thought of any baby names."
I literally feel a jolt of shock zip through me. "Oh!" I exclaim. "That reminds me," I say as my mind flips from one thought to the next. "I have a name if it's a girl."
"Wow, random." Rosalie snorts. "I just told you my aunt might be on my side and it reminds you of a baby name?"
"It just came to me: Lylli, but it's spelled L-Y-L-L-I." I turn over over onto my back on my bed. "You see? I flipped the Y and the I."
"Ugh! No. Just no." I frown at her through the phone as she shoots it down so quickly. "There will be no flower names, because I will not subject her—if it's a her—to a life where every guy she dates brings her a fistful of lilies."
I fight back a laugh. "Speaking from experience?"
"Shut up," she mutters.
"Okay, okay. So, no-go on Lylli." I don't see why it can't even be a possibility.
"No," she immediately confirms.
"Although, my spelling is killer." I roll my eyes and stretch my legs up in the air, extending my toes. "Despite the fact that your aunt obviously has been abducted and body-snatched, she has a good point. Have you thought about names? Or, like… what you hope it's going to be?"
"I want to," she replies, "I really do, but…"
"Rose," I exhale her name and sit up in my bed. "I've been putting this off for as long as I can about 'he who shall not be named,' but I think it's time. He's actually kind of cool, and as shocking as it is to admit, he's also kind of dependable." I bite my lip and wait for her response.
She's quiet for a beat too long for comfort, then she sighs deeply. "I suppose I knew this was inevitable."
"Huh?" I curl my lip.
She snorts. "He can be really charming, can't he?"
"Rose…" I'm speechless. What is she getting at here?
"He sure knows how to make a girl feel special, I'll tell you that. He has a way of flashing those deep blue eyes, and that devilish smirk at you, that makes you feel as if you're the only person he sees." She sounds wistful as she speaks, and I keep my mouth shut to let her continue. "I swear on everything, Bella, I have never felt as beautiful or desirable than whenever I was with him. And I'm not modest, okay? You know that, but I never felt it as much as I did when I was with Royce. Jesus, I just said his name. I don't think I've even uttered his name out loud in months."
I chew my lip and wonder if it's okay to ask her questions about Royce.
She laughs suddenly and says, "Did you know he has my name tattooed on his pelvis? Right beneath that sexy V muscle guys have."
"Oh, my God, really? Are you fucking with me right now?" I question demandingly as I try to think of which side it could be on. If I had known, I would have paid closer attention when I got that sneak peek of Royce in the bathroom at the hospital.
"God, we were so wasted," she reminisces with a giggle. "He got the tattoo for free from a friend while in the back room at a party in Port Angeles. It's actually not that bad."
"You know he still loves you, right?" I say despite the warning bells blaring inside of my head.
A deep breath of air is blown into the receiver from her end, making me wince and pull the phone away from my ear. I think I've gone too far this time, but she has to know. I can't stand to see him mope around anymore. If I'm the reason Edward is trying to improve himself, who is to say Rosalie can't do that for Royce?
"Bella," she groans. "Please don't do this."
"Don't do what?" I jump to my feet and start to pace in front of my window.
A cry of frustration escapes her. "Damn it, Bella! I know, all right? I know he still loves me because he calls me and leaves me voice messages when he's drunk or high off blow. He texts me all the fucking time asking if I'm okay, if the baby is okay, if I need anything, or if I want him to come and bring me home."
Shock doesn't even begin to explain what I am feeling right now after hearing her confession. I had no idea it was that bad for Royce. It's so heartbreaking.
"I…" I bite my lip. "I just… I feel so bad for him, Rosalie. I mean, you must have felt something for him. Why else would he be this attached? That's his kid in there, too, you know."
"Whose side are you on?" she scoffs angrily.
"Yours," is my immediate answer. "Always yours, Rose. I just want to understand, that's all."
"Fine." Her tone is resolved. "I'll tell you and then we never talk about it again, okay?"
I nod my head like a child and cry, "Okay! Yes! I promise!"
"I loved him at some point—I won't lie and say that I never did—but I stopped loving him the day I told him I was late and he slapped five hundred dollars into my hand to 'fix it.' I couldn't believe he did that. He never once asked what I wanted to do, and he didn't comfort me or lie and tell me everything was going to be okay. If he loved me, he wouldn't have treated me like some cheap whore. You will never understand how much that hurt me, how dismissed I felt." Her voice shakes.
"Asshole," I mutter with the intent to find Royce and rip him a new one.
"Then, all of a sudden, he's begging me to forgive him and take him back. He said he was fucked up on blow, and said he'd never do it again. He said we'd figure things out together. What a joke! I didn't even realize how bad his drug habit was until I thought I might be pregnant, and then suddenly, everything became clear. I saw him for who he really was, and I had to make a choice. I made the right one. Don't you even try to make me feel bad about it!" she bawls.
"I'm not," I whisper raggedly, my heart in my throat. "I'm sorry, Rosalie. I didn't know. All I know is how he is now; he's changed. He doesn't drink or party like he used to. He has his brothers and sister to take care of—"
"Jackie find a new boyfriend?" she interrupts with a snort. "She is such a shit example for a mother. That was the only time Royce ever cared to get his act straight—whenever his mom took off on them and he was left to look after the kids. That's another reason I didn't understand why he reacted the way he did about the baby. He would be a good dad, Bella. I'm not saying he wouldn't, but I can't take the chance that he might relapse."
"Hey," I stop her. "You're completely right. I'm not saying you need to take him back—Royce still has a long way to go—I just thought that maybe he could have something to look forward to, something to hold onto when he's having a weak moment or something."
Her exhale is shaky, but the tears are gone from her words. "I'll talk to him," she replies in a small voice, "but I promise nothing."
"You owe him nothing," I respond firmly.
She laughs softly, without humor. "If he's serious about turning things around, then I want to help. But my heart is closed, Bella. I can't even let Emmett in and I blame it on Royce. I hate that I miss him sometimes, and I hate that I'm even saying this shit! Damn it, I was doing so well. I had almost convinced myself I was over him. I am over him. I'm done."
I say nothing, because I know she's not talking to me.
"Bella!" Dad calls from downstairs.
"I gotta go, Dad is calling me. Are you going to be okay?" I ask, worried.
"Yeah. I'm just emotional and all over the place. This baby is kicking my ass." She blows out a breath of air. "Go on, we'll Skype tomorrow before your dinner and I'll help you get dressed."
"I love you, Rose," I tell her unwaveringly.
I know she smiles at this. "Love you, too, Bell."
"I love the belly bean, too," I add. "You're not alone. I'll bring you home anytime you want, you know that, right?"
"Yes." She sniffles. "Now go before you make me cry again." Her laugh is playful but melancholy.
It breaks my heart.
-x-
Edward is downstairs waiting for me when I finally end my call with Rose. Dad smirks at me with a raised brow and nods his head in the direction of the kitchen. I can hear Edward moving things around inside, and curiously I look at Dad, who just shrugs his shoulders and tells me he's going to Billy's house.
"You stay downstairs." He touches his finger to my nose. "I mean it, Bella. You two are at no time allowed upstairs in your room."
I roll my eyes. "Dad, seriously? I'm not a child."
He says nothing and instead stares me down without blinking. He's like an intimidating statue with creepy eyes and the complementary 'stache above his lip. I have no choice, so I agree. There went sexy times. When he's gone, I shut and lock the door behind him and meet Edward in the kitchen. He's busy stuffing our refrigerator and cupboards with groceries. Is that a turkey he just shoved into the fridge?
"What are you doing?" I ask, slowly entering the room with caution.
"Getting ready for tomorrow," he says without turning around.
I pause and watch him closely—something's wrong. "Hey," I whisper, coming up from behind him to slide my hands under his shirt and hoodie to flatten my palms against his naked chest. "What's wrong?" I ask and press the side of my face against his back while rubbing my hands up and down his torso.
He sighs deeply and stops what he was doing at the counter to hug my hands to him tighter. "Just stupid shit, it's nothing."
"It's not nothing." I pull away and wait until he turns around to face me before I speak again. "What is it?"
His eyes close while he clenches his jaw. "We don't have to do this now." His eyes open and lock with mine. "Let's just wait until after the holidays, okay?"
I shake my head. "No. Not okay."
He groans and pulls me into the living room and onto his lap so that I straddle him. His hands go to either side of my face. "Aro wants me to do a job for him. I said no, but he's dangling shit in my face that he knows I want." He pauses. "I think I'm going to do it."
"Do what?" I ask worriedly. "What is it that he wants you to do?"
Edward grimaces. "Someone stiffed Aro out of some money. The fucker is being really arrogant about it, too, so Aro wants me to, uhh…" He clears his throat. "Take care of it."
"Why you?" I place my hands on his jaw and caress the sides of his face with my thumbs.
His sigh exhales long and slow and it feels as if his entire body deflates. "Because it's my fault. I vouched for the guy and he tried to screw Aro over. It's my responsibility to clean it up, make things right." He rubs his hands over his face.
"And by 'make things right' you mean?" My palms scratch against his stubble.
It's so obvious that he doesn't want to tell me. I worry that he's going to lie. He gulps and looks up into my eyes. "This is the part of me I was hoping you would never get to know."
I press my forehead to his. "And I told you that I want all of you. Even those dark parts you don't want me to."
He lifts his chin and kisses me. "And I love you for that, but…" He sighs. "That 'dark part' of me is the part that scares you away from me. I don't want that—ever, Isabella."
"Then, don't." I shake my head. "Tell him no." He tries to pull his face out of my hands to look away, but I refuse to release him. "Tell him no, Edward. Do it for me."
His face crumbles. "Please," he whispers, "don't make me promise that. I need this. I need to know…"
"Know what?" I fist his sweater in my hands. "What is it that you're not telling me?"
His nose nuzzles mine and his eyes go to my lips. I lick them involuntarily and he moves in hesitantly to kiss me. One small, chaste kiss. He pulls back as if waiting for permission to continue, for acceptance of him through one simple, reciprocal kiss. He's vulnerable, unlike I'm used to seeing him. How can something so small hold so much weight in one moment with someone who I swear is one of the toughest guys on the planet?
Most times I think it's Edward who has all the control in our relationship, but then he looks at me as if I'm the most important thing in his life. It scares me how intense it feels, but it's the good kind. The kind that's scary, but rewarding at the same time. Like bungee jumping or sky diving. I'm still in free-fall, and I don't know if I'll ever hit bottom. Like a bungee cord, I'm tugged back up before I fall back down all over again.
I wonder if he knows that. I wonder if Edward really knows how crazy I am about him. Crazy enough to accept the things about him that any smart girl would run away from. Maybe we're both just crazy, period—insane and disconnected from reality.
"Bella," Edward whispers at my jaw, his lips warm and inviting.
My lips gravitate toward his on their own, like magnets. We kiss and he deepens it, his hands clutch at my waist, his tongue dives into my mouth and I whimper. Then he pulls my body flush against his, my breasts smashed against his chest and my stomach over his solid frame. He overwhelms me with the sudden sense of urgency in his kisses and the neediness in his hands as they grope me all over. Before I know it he's tugging at the zipper of my jeans, and just as he's about to touch me, I gasp and slam my hands against his chest to shove him away.
Crestfallen, he starts to get up from the couch. I stop him and shake my head. My dad will kill me, but I've come to realize that Edward is a physical person. He reacts to every emotion through some sort of physical action—anger, sadness, contentment, love… all require certain acts of violence or intimacy. Which is why I take his hand and I pull him upstairs to my room. I'm breaking all the rules for this one.
It's a good thing I know he's the one.
-x-
Wall Post: Jacob Black posted a new picture.
Comments:
Paul Lahote dude, Jared looks so wasted.
Jared Cameron shut up, Paul! You were wasted, too.
Quil Ateara gotta love those Quileute bonfires, man!
Sam Uley likes this.
Seth Clearwater ah, man, I never get to have any fun! When did you guys sneak the beers? I had to sit and listen to Jake's dad tell tribal stories ALL NIGHT LONG!
Embry Call Paul, you look like you're ready to puke, hahaha!
Paul Lahote nah, that was you, bro
Jared Cameron oh, BURN!
Facebook Status:
Jasper Whitlock NYE is going to be epic this year.
Comments:
Emmett McCarty fuck yeah!
Irina Denali so excited!
Jessica Stanley party like it's 1999—er, what year do we say now that we're like, wayyy past '99? LOL!
Tia Kebi how about… 2099?
Liam Hunter close enough, babe
Austin Marks kegs will be delivered by my brother at seven, will your parents be gone by then, Whitlock?
Jasper Whitlock yeah, they leave for Maui at ten in the morning. I won't see them until well after the new year. Haha.
Chelsea Salvatore we get to crash there, right? I can't get a DD, and I don't trust Jen or Irina to stay sober enough to drive.
Irina Denali screw you, and I never said I'd be DD. It's Lauren's turn this time anyway.
Lauren Mallory no, it's not! It's Jen's!
Jennifer Ford since when? I drove last time!
Lauren Mallory no, that was Jessica who drove last time. Damn it! Times like this I really miss Bella.
Jessica Stanley she's too good for Forks parties now, didn't you know?
FACEBOOK E-mail notification:
Between Rosalie Hale and Royce King
Rosalie Hale I talked to Bella. If you're serious about straightening up, I'm here if you need to talk.
Royce King don't pity me, Rose. I haven't called or texted you in over two weeks, I know your routine. You dangle me on the line until I finally let go, and then you reel me back just so you can fuck with me all over again.
Rosalie Hale I'm so done with the games, Royce. I have bigger things to deal with.
Royce King things that you've decided to deal with on your own.
Rosalie Hale please don't start. Are you cleaning up or not?
Royce King yes, but not for you.
Rosalie Hale I don't care who you do it for, Roy.
Royce King yes, you do.
Rosalie Hale no, I don't. Unless you mean for the baby—which I know you don't, because you didn't even want him/her to begin with.
Royce King how long do you plan to shove that in my face? I was NOT myself that night, and I regret it every day. Have I not made a complete fool of myself since then begging for your forgiveness?
Rosalie Hale you hurt me.
Royce King I know I did, and I swear on my life that I will never do it again.
Rosalie Hale how can I ever trust you again? It's not even about me, Roy. I'm pregnant! How do I know you won't change your mind?
Royce King you know I won't. You KNOW me, Rosalie.
Royce King answer your phone, baby. Please.
Rosalie Hale I can't. If I hear your voice… I just can't. I'm not ready yet.
Royce King Yes, I'm serious. I'm fixing things in my life to be a better person. I see what Bella does for Edward, I want to be like that someday.
Rosalie Hale I want that for you, too.
Royce King you think we could ever be like that again?
Rosalie Hale we're too different, Royce. We come from two separate worlds.
Royce King no, we don't, Rosalie. We were both born on Earth. Both born in the USA. Both born in Washington state. Both born in the two smallest fucking adjoining towns ever. The only thing that separates us is you.
Rosalie Hale I'm sorry I let everyone think Emmett is the father.
Royce King I'm sorry I let you get on that plane to Texas.
Rosalie Hale I'm not. I think I need this. Just promise to take care of Bella for me. She's a lot more fragile than you think.
Royce King She's a lot stronger than you know, Rosalie.
FACEBOOK E-mail notification:
Between Rosalie Hale and Bella Swan
Rosalie Hale Bailey likes anything that sparkles or shines. She loves those Disney princesses—Snow White is her favorite.
Rosalie Hale Jack loves Harry Potter.
Rosalie Hale Sam is years ahead of his age. He likes to build model airplanes, the more complex the better.
Bella Swan thanks, Rose. I've been going crazy trying to decide what to get them. You know me so well. I'm always the last one running around for gifts.
Rosalie Hale I'm sorry that I took for granted how amazing you are.
Bella Swan you okay? Lol
Rosalie Hale Yeah.
-x-
When I open the front door at eight in the morning the next day, I'm expecting annoying carolers or having to sign for a package—hell, I even expect to see Edward—but that's not who is on my doorstep. My guesses could not have been further away from the truth.
It's my mom.
"Hi, baby!" she squeals and launches herself at me. "Oh, I missed you!" Her voice in my ear is loud and obnoxious, and has she forgotten that I am not a morning person?
Then it hits me: My mom is here. Right in front of me—in Forks. "What are you doing here?" I gasp and pull her in for a hug. "I missed you, too."
She kisses my cheek and rubs her palm over it. "You look different." Her eyes search my face in that calculating way only mothers can do.
"Wh-what do you mean?" I stutter. Every bad thing I have ever done flies through my brain right now in a kaleidoscope of images and snapshots and sounds.
Her eyes widen as an epiphany takes over her features, and then she's yanking me back into her arms and she's squeezing me way too tight for someone of her size to achieve. She must be working out again. "Oh, my baby has become a woman!"
"Huh?" I'm so confused.
She pushes me back and holds me at arm's length, her fingers clamped down onto my shoulders. "Are you being safe?"
My knees almost give out. "Uh-I-wh-what?"
"Oh, honey." Her hands are so soft on my face. "Mothers know these things. You're in love, I can see it all over you." She smiles tenderly and then she smacks me on my shoulder. "Which also means you're having sex. So, I ask again, are you being safe?"
"Mom!" I shriek and search the room to see if my dad is anywhere within earshot.
"Relax." She rolls her eyes. "I just saw him on my way up the drive, he's headed for the station. You're safe, it can be our little secret." Her wink is borderline creepy.
I haven't seen this woman in, like, six months at the very least. We talk on the phone for an hour at least twice a month, and she emails me like I'm her blog. So, why—how —does she know? And if she can tell, does that mean my dad can, too? He does stare at me a lot nowadays; I thought he was working on his contest skills. Now I wonder if I was wrong.
"Mom." I shake my head at her. "What are you doing here?" Eventually, if I ask enough, she'll answer me. I know it.
"I felt so bad that I cancelled Thanksgiving with you, baby girl. I wanted to surprise you and come up here for Christmas. Are you surprised? I know you are!" Her eyes dance with light laughter, her smile is wide and genuine. It's the happiest I've ever seen my mother.
Either she just got some, or she's on something. Either way, this bubbly act of hers is starting to freak me out. She's all up in my face and my business, and it is way too early in the morning for this. I haven't even had my cup of joe.
"Go upstairs and shower." She takes my hand in hers and pats the top of it. "I'll put on a pot of coffee and make you some breakfast."
Okay, now she's just being downright crazy! "Make me breakfast? What is up with you?" I know I seem bitchy and ungrateful, but my mother has not willingly cooked anything in her entire life. Not even when she went through her quasi-Suzie Homemaker phase.
"I miss you, honey." Her head tilts. "I haven't seen you in forever, and this is probably the last time we will see each other before you graduate."
She definitely has a point there. I nod my head and smirk at her giant grin. "I need to finish some Christmas shopping, want to drive to Port Angeles with me?"
Her hand is back on my face, soft, loving, and very warm. I lean into her palm, and yes, I miss her. I miss my mommy. It feels weird to call her that, or even think of her like that, but I do. I have so much I want to tell her and ask her. Despite the fact that we are so different, we've always been able to talk about things.
"I'd love to, sweetheart. Go shower and get dressed. I'll try not to burn the house down. Phil has taught me how to do the simple task of pancakes and eggs." Her wink makes me smile this time, it's warm and motherly and it makes me feel taken care of. I miss that.
"A few eggs means three, just so you know. It's not six." I feel the need to tell her what I have learned from Edward. (HAHAHA)
Her brow wrinkles. "It's not?"
I laugh. "Nope. We were so off, Mom. Good thing we met guys who know their way around the kitchen, since we certainly do not."
"Get out of here, you!" She playfully goes to smack my butt.
I squeal and yell at her to stop, and then I'm running upstairs to shower.
I love today.
-x-
Facebook Status:
Rosalie Hale OMGOMGOMGOMG!
Comments:
Emmett McCarty what? What? What?
Bella Swan ?
Jasper Whitlock ditto to the above.
Emmett McCarty are you going to say anything, or…?
Rosalie Hale My uncle just bought me a car!
Bella Swan WHAT?
Wall Post: Rosalie Hale has posted a new picture.
Comments:
Bella Swan holy cow! Is that the newest Lexus on the market?
Rosalie Hale yep! OMG, I can't believe this. I was NOT expecting this AT ALL!
Emmett McCarty whoa, that is SICK! I want it, send it to me. It's mine.
Jasper Whitlock and to think I was excited for my new Jet Ski.
Bella Swan you and your richy-poo lives. I'm lucky if I get a gas card for xmas.
Jasper Whitlock Hey now, it's not about money.
Rosalie Hale but it helps! LOOK AT MY AWESOME CAR!
Bella Swan :P
Emmett McCarty sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
Jasper Whitlock Merry Christmas, Rose ;)
Rosalie Hale you, too Jaz :-*
Emmett McCarty god bless us, everyONE!
Bella Swan LOL! Merry XMAS!
Jasper Whitlock you and your txt lingo ;P
Bella Swan not as bad as some of the stuff I see on this site!
Jasper Whitlock yeah, I guess it could be worse
Bella Swan all right, brats, I'm out! Shopping with le mom
Rosalie Hale tell her hi for me!
Emmett McCarty me, tooooo!
Jasper Whitlock see ya 2mrw!
FACEBOOK E-mail notification:
Makenna Levine invites Bella Swan to her NYE Bash.
Makenna Levine hey Bella! I wanted to officially invite you to me and my brother's NYE party! Felix is friends with this guy who owns a bowling alley and we rented out the whole place! Glow bowling for the win! Hope to see you there.
Bella Swan oh, I am so there.
Makenna Levine yay!
FACEBOOK E-mail notification:
Wall Post: to E. Cullen from Bella Swan
Bella Swan glow bowling!
Comments:
E. Cullen so, she suckered you into it, huh?
E. Cullen I was sure I'd have to convince you with sexual favors.
Bella Swan damn, I should have kept my mouth shut.
E. Cullen never shut, baby. Always open.
Bella Swan dirty bird!
Royce King PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
Royce King switch this convo to private
Jacob Black agreed!
Seth Clearwater oh, my aching heart
Facebook Status:
Seth Clearwater is now going to go jump off a bridge
Comments:
Leah Clearwater so dramatic
Paul Lahote chill out, Seth, we'll let you be lookout next time
Seth Clearwater I don't care about the bonfire anymore! My heart is shattered like the chair Leah sat on this morning and broke
Leah Clearwater I DID NOT! It was an old, rusty chair!
Jared Cameron CLASSIC!
3 people like this
Leah Clearwater screw you all.
-x-
I am officially broke. And I don't just mean broke, I mean BROKE. I'm probably negative in my account. I had to borrow from my mom. I can't wait until I get the other half of the money Royce still owes me. Edward was ready to slap cash in my hands, but I shot that down quickly.
"Oh! Bella, come here!" Mom shouts from across the Macy's shoe department. "Remember when you were little and I used to put little Mary Jane's on you? Oh, you were adorable!" she coos happily. "It's just too bad you have a hard time with your balance now that you're older. Such a shame, you have great legs, baby."
My face catches fire as I duck my head and shuffle over. "Mom, please don't ever do that again." I hiss at her under my breath as my eyes dart around to see who is staring.
"Oh." She waves a flippant hand at me. "You'll never see these people again."
Oh, Mother…
"Hey, Bella!" Tia Kebi's hand is high over her head, shaking back and forth for my attention. Her other hand is linked with Liam Hunter's.
Well, well…
"You're welcome," I mumble under my breath. I'm the one who paired them up as base and flyer. I so made this happen. When they approach, I perk up and smile big. "Hey, you two!"
"Bella! Look at that, you have friends!" My mother decides right then to point out the fact that I used to be an invisible loser with no friends at one point. I know my face must be growing a darker shade of red, possibly purple, by the second.
Liam's eyes widen at me with colored cheeks. Kill me now; even the witnesses of said embarrassment are mortified! I knew I got my broken verbal filter from someone, I had thought it was possibly my dad, but I now see that it is one hundred percent all Renee.
"Uh, yeah…" Tia responds awkwardly. "Anyway." She turns to me. "Will we see you at Jasper's party next weekend?"
I shake my head. "No, this year I'm going to a party in La Push. Sorry." I frown, because I actually do feel sort of bad. "Besides, I doubt Jasper would be okay with his ex bringing her current boyfriend to his own party." I shrug.
"True," Tia laughs, "but Jas is cool like that, so I doubt he'd care too much. I mean, isn't he going to dinner with you and Edward tomorrow anyway?" She says this so calmly, her head resting back against Liam as if we were at school just shooting the breeze.
And then my 'Perfect Little Bella' act goes right out the window. "What did you just say?" I shout so loudly that everyone within hearing distance flinches. "How do you know that? Who said that? Did he say that? When did this happen?"
"I read it on his wall on Facebook." She backs away with Liam in tow. "I thought it meant you all were cool. He's dating Alice now, you know?"
No. I didn't know. I so fucking didn't know. Wait…
"No wonder he said he'd see me tomorrow! Oh, my God, I am going to murder that bi—"
"Bella!" Mom gasps in horror.
Oh. I forgot she was here.
Mom drags me out of the store and slaps me down onto the first bench she can. The mall is crowded with last-minute shoppers, but I'm so furious that I can't seem to care who I freak out in front of. We sit there, side by side, silently for a while as I scroll through my Facebook app on my phone looking for the post that started this mess. A few minutes pass by without any interruption from my mom—a miracle
at that—and then I find it.
Wall Post: to Jasper Whitlock from Alice Brandon
Alice Brandon I'm so glad you're coming for dinner tomorrow. I know it will be awkward with Edward and Bella there, but it means SO MUCH to me that you're coming.
Comments:
Jasper Whitlock of course, anything for you
Alice Brandon ;)
I feel bile creep up my esophagus and lean over to rest my head between my knees while I breathe in and out of my nose slowly. I don't know what it is I'm supposed to do in order to not pass out, but I'm pretty sure I'm doing it wrong right now.
A small hand touches my back and begins to rub up and down my spine softly. "You want to tell me what's wrong?"
I snort and pull myself back upright—very slowly—before I look her in the face. "Where do you want me to start?"
She takes my hand in hers and sighs. "How about this, let's go eat at a restaurant of your choice, and I'll have them seat us somewhere in the back so we can talk. Sound good? I don't want my baby to be vulnerable in front of so many strangers. I swear it, Bella, you're bringing the mama bear out of me that I never knew I had right now."
I let her pull me up to my feet and then we link arms and leave the mall quietly. I'm glad I got all my shop—shit! I forgot Edward's gift.
"Mom." I look to her and sigh. "We have to make a stop first."
-x-
La Bella Italia is small and cozy when we walk inside. I've only been here once before with Edward, and we were almost asked to leave because we couldn't stop sucking each other's faces off. I wonder if they remember me. Mom asks for us to be seated in the back corner of the room, and because not many people are there, our hostess allows it. When we're finally seated and each handed a glass of ice water, Mom gets straight to the point.
"Tell me about Edward. You're so vague when we talk about him on the phone." Her eyes are kind but intrusive. "What happened to Jasper, and why is my baby threatening the lives of girls named Alice?" Her lips twitch as she holds back an amused laugh.
So not funny, Mom.
"First of all, I should tell you that Edward and I are as serious as it gets. He's it, Mom. He's my person." I hold my breath after the words are out in the open. Mom says nothing, she only watches me closely. "I love him. He loves me. Yes, we've… done it." I look down at my hands in my lap and squirm in my seat bashfully.
"And you're being… safe?" Her question sounds so formal, but I nod my head without much shame overcoming me like I thought it would.
Mom's always been so open about sex and relationships, and pretty much anything I've ever wanted to know. I love that about her. She'll never judge me—probably because she is the last person to judge anyone. Regardless, I'm not afraid to talk to my mom about Edward.
"Seeing what Rosalie's been going through, it's an eye-opener for sure, Mom." I sip from my water and run my fingers through my hair afterward. "At the moment, I'm having some issues with his choice of friends. His best friend, especially. Her name is Alice Brandon, and she's been in love with him for probably her whole life. She hates me and I hate her. She's a manipulative little bitch and now she's after my ex boyfriend, Jasper. He doesn't deserve to be used like that," I growl.
"How do you know she doesn't have feeling for him, too?" Mom shrugs.
I roll my eyes. "It's just a game she's playing, and she's only using him as a pawn. We're all her pawns."
"Wow," Mom snorts. "I think you give her far too much power and credit. You do understand that, don't you? It's only a 'game' if you play along with her. Otherwise, she's only playing with herself—oh!" She starts to giggle incessantly.
I have to laugh at how immature my mom can be sometimes. "You're right, but it's hard. She knows Edward so well, and it hate it because she knows more about him than I do."
"Oh, Bella." Her hand slides across the table for me to take. "If you love him as much as you say, and he loves you back just as much, no one will ever know either of you more than you know each other." Her fingers squeeze mine. "She knows she's lost the battle for his heart, it's why she's so angry and manipulative to begin with."
"I feel bad for her, but I also want to pound her face into the ground. Tomorrow night I'm supposed to have dinner with Edward with his family. Do you know who his family is?" My brow arches high. "Alice and her sister Esme, along with Esme's boyfriend, Carlisle. Not only that, but Alice has decided to invite my ex-boyfriend as her 'plus one.'" I air quote. "I want to make a good impression on Esme and Carlisle, because I know how much they mean to Edward, but I'm worried Alice will make me lose my temper. Or worse, she'll cause Edward to lose his."
Mom frowns and tilts her head. "Maybe one good, swift kick to ass wouldn't hurt…" She winks at me with a small smirk on her lips.
"He's supposed to make dinner tonight for me and Dad. Are you coming, too?" I ask with a slight tremor in my voice. I really hope she says no, but I feel bad for hoping so.
"No, I don't want to impose. I didn't expect your holiday to be all booked up." Her teasing tone makes me smile. "I guess I'll just wait it out, and you, me, and Phil can celebrate our own little Christmas together at the hotel the day after."
"I'd like that." I bring her hand up to lean my cheek against it. "I missed you, Mom."
Her eyes twinkle with unshed tears and I know exactly how she feels just by looking at her. We haven't spoken like this in years. Not face to face with her mothering touch and my appreciative smile. I take her for granted because she's not there. She may not have been the most conventional mother, but she's all I have and all I could ever ask for.
"Wow, Mom, we just had, like, an actual epic moment," I quip to lighten the mood.
She laughs and pulls her hand back to her side of the table. "Wasn't it?"
I nod. "Where'd you learn to be so insightful?"
"Well," she says as she exhales softly, "I did read this one article in Parents Magazine once while Phil was training…"
We laugh and she sticks her fingertips into her water glass to flick at me. I yelp and flick her back with my own water attack. Right before it can get intense, our waitress comes over and asks us if we're ready to order.
"Yes," Mom starts, "but first, can we have two new glasses of water? These are dirty."
I love my mom.
-x-
"Nu-uh! Not so fast!" I stop him from sitting at the table and pull him into the living room.
He rolls his eyes with a giant huff and his usual indifferent scowl in place. "What, Bella?"
"Don't 'what' me!" I groan. "Before we do this, I just want to run some things by you first, okay? Are you ready?"
He shifts his hand, palm-up, through the air to motion me to carry on.
"No jokes. No innuendoes. No quips. Don't even think of asking anything personal about me, because you won't get an answer, and you'll lose cool points. You got it?" I stare him right in the eyes.
He smirks devilishly. "So, I suppose asking him what kind of gel he uses for his hair is out of the question?" His brows bounce jokingly.
My head falls back on my shoulders with a giant sigh. "This was such a bad idea."
"I don't see why you are making such a fuss over this. It's dinner, for cryin' out loud, Bella." His mustache wiggles like a grumpy caterpillar.
I heave a deep sigh. "This was a bad idea."
"Oh, Bells, calm yourself before you get your underwear in a bunch. It's just dinner, and by the smell of things?" He continues quite pleasantly surprised, "A pretty damn good one." Then he slips past me into the kitchen to sit at the table.
My gaze meets Edward's and he winks at me reassuringly. I don't know how it is that he's keeping so calm. How is it that he's always so calm? I sigh and blow the hair out of my face while Edward motions me over to him by the sink.
"I'm so glad my mom isn't here, too. I don't think I would be able to handle the embarrassment." I bury my face in his chest and hug my arms around him.
The kitchen smells marvelous. I move away so that Edward can pull a casserole Esme prepared for us out of the oven. God bless her, the scent of cheese and potatoes makes my mouth water. The turkey—that Edward called and woke me up at four a.m. to put into the oven!—is glazed and looks amazing. I wonder if Edward would be opposed to going to culinary school. He's fucking remarkable around the kitchen, and he makes it all seem so easy to do—which it so is not, because I have proven that time and time again.
"Can you hand me that rag over there?" Edward points somewhere behind me and goes back to arranging the turkey on the silver serving plate I know he must have borrowed from Esme, as well.
I do as he asks and then stop him from what he's doing to bring his face down to mine to kiss him deeply. "I love you," I whisper to him.
He smiles and kisses me back, then says, "I love you, too, baby."
-x-
Table is set. Food is served—after a small debate over who was going to cut the turkey, Dad won—and no one has spoken yet. The food is excellent, and if Edward wasn't already a keeper before, he definitely is now. All in all, I would say things are going well.
The scrape of forks on plates, sips of drinks, the crunch of steamed vegetables—that apparently I did not steam long enough—are heard while the only actual form of conversation has been limited. For instance, Dad grunted that Edward wasn't too bad in the kitchen. That was about seven minutes ago.
Then, suddenly, Dad breaks the silence. "So, Edward," he starts with his fork up in the air.
I tense up.
"Tell me about yourself," he continues relentlessly, "aside from what I already know from your records."
I would face-plant into my dinner, but it's too delicious to ruin. "Dad," I groan, "we talked about this."
He shrugs. "It's just a simple question." He looks over at Edward. "Well? C'mon, Edward. Tell me your hopes and dreams." Dad has the audacity to rest his chin in hand as he stares across the table at the poor innocent boy beside me.
Edward has the good sense not to hesitate too long. He slowly sets his utensils down and takes a small sip from his water glass. "What, exactly, is it that you want to know…" He pauses to look up at my father. "Mr. Swan?"
Dad smirks and pulls back to spear a piece of turkey on his place. "Charlie," he corrects before he continues, "how about what you plan to do when you graduate?"
I watch as Edward very carefully wipes his mouth on his napkin while he considers his answer. I must say, I'm dying to know myself what he plans to do. I mean, I know I want to go to Vassar, but aside from that, I have no fucking clue. Then again, do any of us know what we want to do at this point in our lives? I used to think I did, I really did. Now? Not so much. To decide just feels so… final.
"Honestly, Charlie?" Edward clears his throat and looks directly into my dad's eyes. "I don't know." He shrugs. "I don't like to think that far ahead. For me, it's unrealistic."
I dig my nails into my palms while I sit on my hands. I was afraid he would say exactly that, and as much as I hate that he said it to my dad, I hate more that he said it at all.
Dad's mouth falls open slightly from shock. He quickly closes it when I kick him inconspicuously under the table and guzzles from his juice glass. Edward pushes his food around his plate, deep in thought and not looking at either of us. Dad's eyes catch mine and I raise my brows to signify that he should encourage Edward somehow.
"What?" Dad mouths at me and shrugs his shoulders, clueless.
"Say something!" I mouth back at him and tilt my head to my left where Edward is sitting.
"Say what?" His hands rise up this time to show how confused he is.
I point to my plate and rub my stomach. I'm hoping that our father-daughter ESP is on point tonight. I want him to compliment Edward and encourage him about his cooking. I really think he could make something out of this as a career. He makes cooking seem so easy, and it's so fucking good!
However, my dear ol' dad misinterprets my small attempt at charades. Instead of seeing me point to the food and then my tummy, he just sees me rubbing my stomach, causing his eyes pop open as he points at me and mouths, "You're pregnant?"
I choke on my cranberry juice and spit it onto my plate. Both Edward and my dad slap hands against my back to help me out. It actually makes things worse. I have to push them away from me before I can take a full breath of air into my lungs.
"No!" I hiss at my stunned father.
"Oh," he sighs in relief, and then it hits him. "Ohhhh!" I nod my head at him and he looks at his food, and then at me, and then at Edward. I want, for the second time that night, to face-plant into my plate. Then Dad scratches behind his ear and grumbles, "Yeah, well… I don't think you should… you know…" He pauses and I roll my eyes and shake my head at the roof.
Then Dad just drops the front and goes in for the kill.
"You're way too young to be that jaded, son." Dad's tone of voice surprises me, because it's compassionate.
Edward's head pops up curiously. "Excuse me?"
With a sigh, Dad runs a hand over his head and then rolls his wrist at us. "You kids these days. You have no idea of what's out there, just… waiting for you." He frowns and leans back in his chair. "You're a damn fine cook, boy, and you did it all by yourself. That's not something a guy your age—hell, any age—could do unless they had talent. Perseverance. You're, uh, you're really focused when you cook. I noticed it, and I know Bella did, too. She was the one who was pouting back and forth from the kitchen to the living room because she wasn't the center of your attention."
I glare at Dad, but it's meaningless. I fucking love my dad, he's awesome, and I don't know why, but for some reason, Edward is totally hanging onto his words.
Then Dad chuckles. "You know, I used to hate when I was younger and someone would say to me, 'I see myself in you.' 'Cause back then, I was a stubborn and arrogant little son of a bitch." He stops to take a bite of his food and chews slowly while we wait patiently for him to keep going. "So, I'm not gonna say that to you. But I will say that I understand that negative feeling you have in the pit of your stomach whenever you even attempt to think about getting out of a small town. The only thing I can say to you is that the only shit—er…" He clears his throat and gives me an apologetic look. "…thing that's holding you back is yourself. Yes, you'll have to work your ass off, and yes, it will feel like forever before you catch a break, but do you really want to stay where you are… forever? Because even if you tell yourself it's just for a year and then you'll get serious, it turns into two years, and three years, and then suddenly you're plantin' roots in the very place you wanted out of."
I gulp as I see regret on my dad's face. Wow, it never really occurred to me that he might have wanted something more than Forks. Mom had gotten pregnant pretty much straight out of high school, and I guess I just assumed my dad was all for starting a family in Forks. At least, that was the way my mom always made it sound.
"Now, don't get me wrong, Bells." He turns his gaze upon me. "Having you was the best thing that's ever happened to me. You'll understand what I mean when you have a child of your own—but much, much farther into your future."
I smirk at him and turn my head to look at Edward. He's staring back at me, and though he still has a slightly dejected expression plastered across his face, he also has a small sliver of something else. I don't want to call it hope, because I don't think that's what it is, but determination, maybe?
"All I'm saying is that nothing is ever final until it's… final," Dad enunciates so that we turn our eyes back to him. "Or how about this, you love my Bella, right?"
Edward nods without hesitating. I swallow a sharp gasp of surprise at my dad's intrusive statement, but under the table I reach for Edward's knee. He waits a beat before he slides his hand down to his lap and covers my fingers with his.
Dad nods—he knew the answer, but having it confirmed obviously pleases him a bit. "Okay, so think of it like this: You love her, so you want what's best for her, and I'm gonna tell you right here and right now, son," he says as he shakes his head, "that she's just like her mother in some ways more than others. And the one piece of advice I can give you?" He grunts. "Don't ever give her an ultimatum, or make her feel like she's been given one. 'Cause if you do, she'll run faster than you have time to explain that that's not even what you meant."
I'm not even sure what—or who—we're talking about anymore.
"Want more, son…" His gaze drops down to his place. "Just… want more."
Edward squeezes my hand tightly, and I squeeze his right back just as strong.
-x-
You're a firehead in my mind
But you're out of bounds and that is fine
I don't know why they store them up like they do
But I know you've got better things to do
Know this, know this
I' ve noticed that you're not fine
There's that moment then
Ah and again
I haven' t forgotten a single one
I look out for you
I swear I do
-x-
AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song Know This, We've Noticed by An Horse. AMAZING song. I've had it on repeat for a while now.
I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter, and Typokween Writes on Facebook. Seriously, if you want to see the images and teasers for this fic, you might want to check out my twitter/tumblr.
I've also opened up a new blog at wordpress. I will be posting my teasers and images and whatever I feel like there. Link in profile, hope to see you there.
TK FIC REC: Branching Inward by LifeInTheSnow (complete) This fic OWNS me right now.
Next post… I don't want to post a date, because it's obvious that I am unable to meet the deadline. Therefore, I can only promise that I will always post within two weeks of the last update. If you follow my twitter, you will always be up to date on the status of TSB. Don't be shy to ask me whatever you want—as long as you ask it in a way that does not come across as snobby.
I STRESS: please check my twitter if you're worried about the story. I will be setting up a page strictly dedicated to TSB very soon. This page when it is finished will have a FAQ page with any questions you might have. I will post this link on my profile when it is ready.
Thank you, besitos!
P.S. (SPOILER ALERT!) Shower lemon, next chapter. ;)
