I saw this story got recommended on TV Tropes thanks to Dark Kyotoa. That made me pretty happy so I decided to put up a chapter. This is another chapter with two chapters in it. They're both kind of short, but they have their moments.
Also, I think I want to make a Community with Hipengy-related stories. Would that be too self-centered? Because there are some cool stories out there that I inspired and I feel like they need to be recognized. Plus I've never made a community before.
Oh…and I just realized I don't think I ever pointed out that I had a new poll up. But it had been up for months and a bunch of you discovered it anyways. The question was, "Which insane Hipengy fangirl is your favorite?" and surprisingly, Fugemonkeys won with her sister only one vote behind her. Poor Lelee! Now there's a new poll up asking which chapters in this story are your favorite. Looks like four of you already voted. If you haven't, head on over there and vote NOW. Or after you read this chapter. Whichever.
Now if you'll excuse me, I hear Meta Knight calling me from the other room. He's telling me to come kick some butt on Smash Bros. See ya.
~Chapter 28: Uncle Andy's Storytime Circle/ Kearby of the Retards
I was hanging with Rhutter in the town. It was very crowded. Then some random member penguin came waddling by, looking like he had no clue what he was doing. He was a black penguin and wore a guitar strapped on his shoulder, along with some other accessories, but that didn't make him look any less gullible. I narrowed my eyes. Apparently, his name was Uncle Andy. I stood up from where Rhutter and I were chilling.
"Why, it's Uncle Andy!" I shouted, stepping up to where he stood. He arched an eyebrow, eyes still vacant.
"I know you…?" He said in a thick voice, looking suspicious.
I clapped him on the shoulder. "Play me a song, man! Tell me a story, man! …Tell me the story about how you grew up on a corn farm!"
He looked confused. "You know…" He said. I didn't get what he was talking about, anymore than I got what I was talking about.
"I know all about you, Uncle Andy." I said seriously, my eyes widening dramatically. I heard Rhutter stifle a snicker from behind. "I know where you are during the day. I know where you are at night. I know all about you."
"O…Okay…" He said uncertainly, looking a little scared. He backed away. I moved in closer, coming after him…
"I've always been watching you, Uncle Andy. All of us. We all know about you. You have to escape, Uncle Andy, escape! Get away from the eyes!"
"Okay, but don't follow me!" He said hastily, escaping to the other side of the town. I charged after him.
"You have to get away, Uncle Andy! Run away! Keeping running! RUN RUN RUN" I shouted as he ran in confused circles about the town. Not very bright, eh? "RUN RUN RUN!" I ranted as he turned to escape to the dock. "Why?" Someone asked as I went after him, still screaming the same thing at the top of my lungs.
"GET AWAY!" He screamed in a girly voice.
"RUN RUN RUN! RUN RUN RUN!"
Eventually, he disappeared and I lost track of him. I went back to the town to find Rhutter. I was searching the crowd when I caught sight of good old Uncle Andy. He looked terrified, standing there panting. "RUN RUN RUN!" I yelled across the square. He looked around frantically. And, without checking to see if I was there, took off towards the igloo neighborhood.
I found Rhutter and sat down next to him, chuckling. To this day, I still hope that Uncle Andy managed to get away from the eyes.
One day I walked into town. There must have been some crazy party going on because there were all these different girls going insane for guys. Of course, I ended up with the stupidest one that had trouble typing in normal lettering.
"Who's a girl?" I said coolly.
"ME!" She screamed. Her name was Kearby and she always shouted everything at the top of her voice. I forced a smile.
"Cool." Then she demanded I sit. Oh boy, I was going to get treated like a dog all over again. Awesome. Then she came over and practically sat on me. Personal space, much? And you know what else? She farted on me! The nerve! I started getting bored real fast and asked her if she wanted to go somewhere. She screeched something about her igloo…I hesitated and she asked what was wrong. I told her she needed to add me to her buddy list. You can imagine how surprised I was when she showed me how smart she was by actually adding me! I guess I just thought she was an incompetent idiot, but looks like her IQ was a little higher than I previously thought.
We got inside. "HEY!" She boomed.
"Sup?" I replied calmly. She didn't respond…just stared at me all creepily. The silence was awkward and unnerving. To break it, I said to her, "So…what now?"
"YES OR NO YES OR NO" She started to screech over and over like some broken record. My flippers flew to my ears and I cringed.
"What?" I shouted over the noise, getting desperate to understand this freak. "To what? What was the question?"
She stopped screaming and said quite calmly, "Are you takin from a girl?"
Am I taking retard lessons from one? Yes, I'm taking them right now. Then I realized she meant "taken" as in, in another relationship. "I'm not taken." I lied.
"Want to?"
"Sure." Want to what? Be a couple? The only thing we were going to be was a couple of idiots, and nothing more…ever. She started screaming incoherently again. For once I was wishing that she had asked, "do you" instead. Then I would have understood her a little bit better.
"Be right back." I told her, letting my mind wander.
"WHERE YOU GOIN WHERE YOU GOIN" She asked fifty times as I stood there. Holy crap, you're not supposed to ask people where they're going when they say be right back! It's a penguin thing. Sometimes our brains have meltdowns, we say be right back, then you sit patiently and wait! When I got back, she told me she wanted to visit my house, but I declined: it's been empty ever since Flipengy left. But she persisted. I forced a weak laugh and asked if she wanted to play a game instead, trying to change the subject.
"It's your choice." I said nicely.
"No, it's yours!" She counteracted.
"No, yours." I growled, growing less friendly by the minute. Then she picked the worst game possible…tag. Okay, I changed my mind. I'll pick the game. …Too late.
"NOT IT!" She shrieked, running around the cramped space in the igloo.
"Darn it!" I yelled, trying to match her idiocy. "I'm it!" Then we got to the snow forts and played…wait for it…more tag. After what seemed forever, she finally stopped demanding that we play tag.
"MANE!" She shrieked, and sent me a corny friend card.
…Okay?
Then she dragged me off to the Night Club. Great, we all know how much I love that robotic penguin dance. The more and more I hung out with her, the stupider I felt. She was the kind of girl that, the more time you spent with her, the more brain cells you lost. Hmm…when would be a good time to ditch her? Wait for it…wait for it…
What was I waiting for? Anytime would be the perfect time to ditch her! So I told her the first excuse that came to my head and got out of there fast.
"I have to go eat potatoes now!"
"What?" She shrieked in that loud annoying voice of hers and then…well…I ditched her. Just like that.
