Disclaimer: As usual, I own nothing except my own character, Muirgeann le Fay (Merissa Lovey), and all else belongs to the esteemed Ms. Rowling, who I thank most heartily for creating such a universe for all of us to enjoy and explore.
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"Lily…No…Yes, must protect Potter…." Snape moaned in his sleep, his face contorted in the sort of tragic pain in which I knew he'd lived for so long. I shook his shoulders gently, unable to watch him suffer any longer than I already had.
"Severus, wake up." I said, giving him a harder shake. His eyes opened with a look of inexpressible remorse and I watched the expression in them turn to confusion. "You were having a nightmare."
"Thank you for waking me." he said, sitting up and pushing his hair out of his face.
"If it would help, you know I'm here. You could tell me about it. I know you've kept all that grief to yourself for a long time." I offered quietly, preparing myself for the possibility of being physically abused for such a suggestion. Instead, he gave me a searching look.
"I don't think anything could help." he said coolly. I smiled slightly, a sad, understanding smile.
"I've been taught in the magic of the heart and soul as much as that of the physical world. I think you'd be surprised what can come of confiding in a friend." I told him. After half a second, I added, "If, indeed, you count me as a friend."
"You've seen Dumbledore's memories of me before and after it happened. You know what I did." he said darkly, self-loathing clear in his handsome black eyes. I sat closer to him and touched his arm gently, hesitantly, and he looked at me again.
"I know how you acted afterward, but that doesn't tell me how you actually felt and it certainly doesn't give me a clue to how you think or feel now. All I know now is that you loathe yourself with a strength equivalent to Voldemort's love for himself." I told him. I saw the hint of a much younger man in his eyes—a hint of the young man who had begged Dumbledore to save his love's life, regardless of the way she had spurned him.
"I do hate myself. It was my fault she died—my fault she was with Potter in the first place." he said quickly. His words so fast I could hardly follow them, he narrated Lily's part in his life, his almost painful affection for her, his mistake that drove her away, his awful penance for sharing information with Voldemort. When his voice finally gave out in grief, I began to wrap my arms around him in a rare show of human understanding, but he stood and strode quickly out of the room, leaving me staring after him until the door shut off my view of his billowing black robes.
"I understand, Morgana." I whispered, a lump in my throat. Even if it's different—even if she's dead, it's just the same. Unrequited love, eternal isolation. Why did your father curse us like this, Morgana? Why you? Why me? I stood up and headed toward the bathroom, taking the hottest shower I could stand. The terrible sting on my skin and the willpower it took not to flinch away from the burning water distracted me from my thoughts long enough to calm me down. Once I was finished, I went back into the room and settled myself at the table with my work around me, my bowl of sugar on the table with my books.
"I would really love some tea. A good nettle and dandelion root, perhaps. Something bitter and cleansing." I muttered after a few hours of silent work. A small pop resounded in the room as a house-elf silently set down a teapot and a mug, the teapot steaming merrily. I smiled at the house-elf and passed it a few lumps of sugar, getting one of their typical, teary-eyed smiles before the house-elf vanished again. I poured myself a cup of the tea and sipped it to find it to be almost impossibly bitter. I smiled at the thought.
"Good. This should certainly cure me of my foolishness." I muttered to myself. I worked until well after dinner and realised it was growing extremely late when a house-elf brought me an array of teas and a light snack to keep me up, if I so chose. I frowned at the door for a long moment after the house-elf Disapparated again with a bit of sugar. I shouldn't be worried. He doesn't always stay here, I reminded myself sternly, putting my work away and taking out my family journal as I made a pot of tea from rue and wormwood, adding a sprig of peppermint to lighten the bitterness and sharpness of the drink a bit. As I poured a cup for myself, Snape walked unsteadily through the door and I quickly hid my journal. He can't know about Morgana or Merlin. Not yet.
"Severus, all right?" I asked as he slammed the door shut behind him. He turned around at the sound and took a step toward me, nearly flipping the end table as he tried to keep himself from falling. I saw the bottle in his hand and understanding dawned.
"'Lo, Lovey." he greeted as I stood up.
"Why don't you sit down, Severus?" I invited, stepping toward him cautiously to try to get him off his unsteady feet before he wrecked the room. As soon as I stepped within reach, he pulled me to him and roughly pressed his lips to mine. I vaguely registered that he tasted like a very nice wine before I broke the contact between us and snatched the bottle from his hands in the same movement. "I don't think now's quite the time, Severus. Let's sit down, shall we?"
"I knew it. You don't like me!" he accused, looking so dejected I wouldn't have been surprised if he burst into tears. I bit my lip in worry before putting my hands lightly on his shoulders and forcing him to sit down.
"Would you care to tell me where you've been all day, Severus?" I asked as gently as I could, hoping to distract him.
"Luci—hic—us broke out his finest stores 'round six." he explained with a smile and an easy-to-read look that warned me to be careful if I wished to keep him from kissing me again.
"Did you have a good time?" I asked. He nodded with another broad smile and lifted his hand as though to take a drink before realising his hand was empty. With a shrug, he began to loudly and boisterously sing a pub song. I have no idea what to do about this one. I can heal the problems of overindulgence of the vine's blood, but I've never had to deal with someone while they're fully inebriated. "Let's not sing, shall we? I'm afraid my head is aching from staying up too late."
"I know a cure for headaches." he said immediately with a wicked grin.
"That won't be necessary, I'm sure. A bit of rest will make me well." I assured him quickly. He frowned, a deep furrow between his brows. "Don't frown like that, Severus. You look like a child whose will has been thwarted."
"How would you prefer me to look, Merissa? You're the only person I'm interested in impressing." he asked eagerly. I hid my smile with my hand by pretending to cough.
"Why are you interested in impressing me?" I asked, composing myself once more. He rolled his eyes and drew me closer to him before I could protest.
"I—hic—like 'oo. You're m'love." he slurred. I was sure my heart stopped beating for half a second before it began racing.
"I'm Lovey, that's what you meant, surely." I corrected quickly, trying not to let myself think about what it meant if his words were true. He shook his head, his hair falling about his face in a carelessly handsome way.
"No, Merissa. You're wonderful and lovely and brilliant beyond the scope of any other witch I've ever met." he said, his voice steady again. I felt like a dagger was twisting in my stomach, but I managed a smile as I forced myself to lightly throw off his words.
"Wonderful and lovely and brilliant, Severus? I think you're mistaken. I'm known to be cold and calculating, my appearance strikes fear in the young of the human race, and you question my intelligence on a regular basis." I argued quietly. He unexpectedly started to cry, his head on my shoulder as he tackled me to the edge of the couch, his arms around me.
"I didn't mean it! I know you're brilliant and good and as perfect as a witch can be." he sobbed. "That's why I like you! You infuriate me and challenge me and you're flawless! Forgive me for saying such terrible lies!"
"It's okay, Severus." I mumbled, hesitantly tucking a strand of his hair back from his face. I swallowed hard and tried to exterminate the feelings trying to rise in me while I smoothed his hair back comfortingly. "Oh, I really hope you're too drunk to remember any of this in the morning. There, there, Severus. Calm down. Everything is perfectly fine."
"D'you like me?" he asked hopefully, sitting up enough that he could look me in the eyes. I felt all the breath leave my body. "Well? D'you?"
"I…Severus…How drunk are you?" I stammered. He looked like he might cry again, so I quickly added, "Yes, of course, I do."
"Brilliant!" he exclaimed before kissing me again, his arms so tightly around me they prevented me from trying to escape. Funny that he's better at trapping me when he's drunk as a lord. I pushed him off lightly with a smile to soften it and sat up.
"Some stinging nettle, milk thistle, and dandelion tea would work wonders, I think. Perhaps an anti-inebriation and hangover potion and a sleep-inducing potion as well." I thought aloud to myself. With a pop, a house-elf appeared in front of me with the desired objects. I gave it a lump of sugar and smiled. "Thank you, dear. Now, then. Severus, why don't you drink some of this?"
"'Kay." he agreed, downing the hangover potion instantly. I ignored him while I made the detoxification tea to help reduce the impact of the alcohol. I poured the sleeping potion into the tea, knowing they wouldn't interfere, and let it continue brewing. Once it was ready, I traded him cups and he drank the tea as well.
"How are you feeling, Severus?" I asked cautiously after he seemed to be settling down.
"Unusual. When did I return?" he asked soberly, waving his wand to dim the lights in the room.
"An hour or two ago. You were—how shall I put it?—extremely drunk." I told him quietly. "As soon as I thought of it, I got you a potion, some tea, and a bit of coffee to help. Are you well?"
"Other than my head pounding, yes. When did I take the potion?" he asked.
"About ten minutes ago. I put a sleeping draught in your tea as well. I thought it would be best if you rest now." I told him. He nodded and stood up.
"Agreed." he stated, heading into the bathroom. I cleaned up the teas and my books before he returned in his nightclothes with an uncertain look on his face. "I didn't…behave unusually, did I?"
"We'll…discuss that another time. For tonight, I think we both need some rest."
...
"Gah!" I exclaimed as I opened my eyes and realised Hermione and I were tangled together in a way that was anything but friendly. I must've forgotten that it was my turn to sleep on the couch when I came in last night. Her eyes opened confusedly as I disentangled myself. When I glanced back toward her, she was blushing brightly. "I've…erm…got some business to take care off. See you later, Hermione."
"Yeah, later." she replied, still blushing brightly as she got up. I flicked my wand to replace my nightclothes with clothes for the day and headed to my study. Taking a seat at my desk, I instructed a house-elf to bring me breakfast. The house-elf returned with a summons from my mother after I finished eating, so I allowed it to take me to her private study.
"Good morning, Draco. You are dismissed, elf." she greeted with a smile. Once the house-elf was gone, her smile faltered and a very tired, worn face replaced the happy expression.
"Is all well, Mother?" I asked.
"Of course, Draco. I merely wanted to discuss your future. Sit down, dear." she told me, gesturing toward a seat across from her. I took it with a sinking feeling in my chest.
"I don't see what we need to discuss, Mother. The Dark Lord intends for me to return to school and complete my education." I said. She nodded.
"Yes, Draco, but what do you plan to do after that? What do you want to do for the rest of your life?" she asked.
"I'm going to serve the Dark Lord." I replied, hiding my uncertainty. She smiled tiredly with a knowing look.
"I think we both know that isn't a career, dear. Say he doesn't need your help. What path would you choose?" she asked, trying a different question. I stared at her blankly. What would I do? I've spent years living up to his expectations and now I'm secretly plotting his end. What other possibilities are there?
"I'll follow Father into business and politics. I could save what he has lost." I told her. She nodded, accepting the option.
"How do you plan to do so, Draco? It's a fine idea, but it must be more than just a vague inclination." she pressed.
"I'll flatter, threaten, and arrange events as necessary. It won't be hard. I'm young, ambitious, and have enough funds to ensure I don't fall easily." I assured her.
"Very good, dear. Be careful not to mention any of that to your father, though, will you? I don't think he would appreciate the sentiments it reveals." she suggested, dismissing me. I nodded and headed out of the room. Deciding not to go back to my own study, I roamed the grounds around the Manor for a few hours before ambling through the halls inside. Snape ran into me almost as soon as I re-entered the building and instructed me to come with him with a wave of his hand.
"There has been an escape and we have been summoned for questioning." he explained ominously, fury half-hidden on his face.
"Who escaped?" I asked quickly as we ran down the halls. He gave me a dark look before answering.
"Miss Granger." he finally stated. I stopped walking for half a second before I recovered and caught up with him.
"Hermione Granger, the one I was given, escaped?" I asked. He nodded and kept silent. Once we reached the meeting room, we found the rest of my family and Voldemort gathered.
"Ah, so our youngest member has decided to join us after all. Thank you for finding him, Severus." Voldemort said. Snape inclined his head. "The Mudblood you've been keeping has escaped, Draco. Do you have any idea how?"
"No. She was there this morning. How did we find out?" I asked, glancing around the group at the others.
"She and her rescuer set off an alarm when they passed the gates." Bellatrix sneered. "Unfortunately, they were too lucky to set off the instant-death curse."
"That's terrible. I don't know how she did it, though." I said, realising that I had been summoned for one purpose. I put up my mental shields and prepared to focus all of my attention on them to try to resist whatever curse Voldemort sent at me, but Snape stepped forward.
"My Lord, I believe my prisoner may have some information on the escape. Her spirits were exceptionally high and difficult to crush today." he suggested. Voldemort turned toward him with a look of fury.
"Bring her. She'll tell us what she knows." he commanded. Snape bowed and signalled a house-elf to bring her. Lovey popped into the room looking dishevelled and irritated, her face and dress stained with blood.
"What do you want?" she demanded, standing unafraid before the Dark Lord as the rest of us blocked the exits.
"The Mudblood Draco was keeping escaped. Severus thinks you may have some idea as to how that impossible feat was accomplished." Voldemort informed her. She snickered freely.
"Hardly impossible if it was done, eh, Tom?" she asked. Voldemort inhaled sharply before directing his wand at her.
"How do you know that name?" he demanded.
"I know quite a bit about you, Tom Riddle, but I shan't tell you how." she replied loftily. Her expression turned to stone, her eyes narrowed, and I realised he was trying to invade her mind. "Fool. Did you really think that would work? I'm not new to the art of Occlumency."
"Crucio!" Voldemort hissed. She stood for a few seconds before the pain grew too great and she fell to her knees. After watching for another horrified second, I heard her let out an inhuman shriek as her nails began to dig into her arms, drawing blood as she tried to claw out the pain inside her. Voldemort released her after another minute. "Tell me how you know that name!"
"I won't!" she declared resolutely.
"Crucio!" Voldemort screamed. Lovey sobbed as the pain swept through her body again. "Do you know how the girl escaped? Tell me that and I will permit you to live a bit longer."
"She escaped because she has friends, Voldemort, unlike you!" Lovey shouted, shaking with pain and anger and fear.
"How dare you say the Dark Lord's name, you wretched, filthy, useless—!" Bellatrix exclaimed before Voldemort silenced her with a wave of his hand, his eyes on Lovey.
"Enough, Bellatrix. Summon Greyback for me. Perhaps lasting physical damage will loosen her tongue." he commanded, not looking away from Lovey's defiant eyes. I glanced toward Snape to see his expression waver for half a second.
"My Lord, allow me to attempt to extract the information from her instead. She knows she has reason to fear me." he offered with a threatening glance at her. Voldemort looked at him with a curious expression and waved Bellatrix back.
"Very well, Severus." he agreed. Snape stepped forward with his wand in his hand, his expression frightening.
"Tell me what you know, wench, and you won't be harmed much." he commanded. Her eyes became uncertain as they flickered around the room, looking for an escape.
"I—I don't know." she stuttered, frightened as she cringed into herself.
"You don't know?" Snape repeated slowly, clearly. Lovey bit her lip with an increasingly worried expression.
"No, I don't know." she repeated panic in her voice as she bowed her head and waited for pain to come. Instead of applying the torture curse, however, he aimed a kick at her chin that sent her flying onto her back, bleeding profusely and half-senseless. He towered over her.
"What do you know?" he asked, the anger seeping into his voice indicating he was quickly losing control. Even though I knew it was an act, I felt frightened for her.
"Potter! He was brought to the Manor by a freed house-elf and they escaped through the grounds." she spat, sitting up to spit out a mouthful of blood along with her words. Snape kicked her hard in the side, making her crumple back to the floor.
"Don't use that tone of voice, you foul wretch. You will address your master appropriately." Snape informed her angrily before turning toward Voldemort with a more composed expression. "What else would you like to know, my Lord?"
"Why does she listen to you, Severus, but not your master?" Voldemort asked quietly, looking at the girl with a mixture of disbelief and curiosity as she sat bowed on the floor.
"I have had her at my mercy for nearly a month, my Lord. In that time, she has come to fear me more than anything." Snape informed him drily, watching as she flinched when he moved his foot away, his expression showing a mixture of pleasure and irritation.
"You seem to have broken her spirit, but it comes out again as soon as she is away from you. Does she not understand that it was I who gave her to you?" Voldemort asked, looking at the girl like she was some unallowable anomaly. She glared up at him and muttered a series of curses so foul not even Bellatrix thought to reprimand her. Voldemort, however, laughed and knelt down to her level. He grabbed her jaw and looked her over. "Ah, yes, I see now why you wanted her, Severus."
"My Lord." Snape said, inclining his head. I saw a split-second of fear run through his eyes and knew he was worried Voldemort would ask for her. Voldemort stood and looked to Snape with a cruel smile.
"I think a few torture curses would be very good for her." he stated cheerily. Snape looked at her with pure malice, his wand ready as his lips curved into a sadistic smile. I saw the left side of Lovey's lips twitch like it always did when she was restraining a smile and knew it was her permission, her acceptance of the curse and any other damage she would have to suffer.
"Crucio." Snape muttered. Lovey shrieked like she was being pulled limb from limb as she writhed pitifully on the floor. Snape kept the curse active for nearly five minutes before he broke it off. Lovey sobbed, face down on the ground.
"Very good, Severus, very good. Again." Voldemort commanded gleefully, his eyes bright and excited. I saw the excitement mirrored on Bellatrix's face as I backed toward the door, feeling nauseous. I knew I couldn't leave until dismissed, so I stood with my hand on the doorknob while Snape tortured Lovey, a few more well-aimed kicks added when he grew tired of cursing her, until her sobs fell silent and she merely laid on the ground like a broken doll, blood dripping lazily from her wounds. Voldemort seemed to realise his fun was over and clapped for house-elves. They appeared instantly. "Severus, tell them what to do with her. She may not be worth anything more than a snack for Greyback now."
"Take her to my room." Snape commanded the elves. Voldemort turned toward the rest of us with a bored, unsatisfied look.
"You are dismissed. Bellatrix, make sure the Snatchers understand the Mudblood is one of our top priorities. She must not be permitted to escape punishment." Voldemort commanded lazily. I fled the room as quickly as I could and managed to get to my bathroom before losing my breakfast. It's over now. Hermione's safe and Voldemort surely won't want to torture Lovey again now that he thinks her spirit has been completely broken. Merlin, I hope he isn't right. I hope she's okay.
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