Do you guys really have no faith in me? I have a plan you know.
This will be another short chapter, just to tie the last one into this one. Don't worry. I'll hit you again with a long one next time. I just felt like I needed to get this one out of the way.
I'm sorry I posted these within a day of each other, but I wanted to (like I said) tie the two chapters together.
Chapter 28:
James POV:
"But what if it breaks us apart?"
"Nothing will break us apart."
I stood in the doorway, freezing cold and soaking wet while Logan drove away. His words pierced through me like the December air, giving me hope and some sick form of satisfaction. I gained some form of composure before stepping back inside and closing the door behind me. Despite the fact that I was semi-confident Logan and I could handle a long distance thing, I wasn't going without a fight. I didn't want to leave this town, even though I came here with such a negative attitude in the first place.
Now I was just plain angry, rather than sad.
"Brooke!" I shouted, looking for my bitch of a mother. When I found her, she was standing in her room, arranging four suitcases on top of her bed. She looked up at me, and then ignored my presence. "Why are you doing this?"
"I liked New York."
"You already have an office there. You just don't want me to be happy," I accused her, crossing my arms.
"I don't think you know the half of it," she looked up at me, narrowing her eyes while neatly piling some dresses in the first suitcases.
"Really? Cause last time I checked you didn't care about what I did, who I was with," I shook my head.
"Yeah, I really could care less. I let you stay in our home in California didn't I?" she moved away from the bed, going back into the closet for more stuff.
"Yeah, but you weren't around for that. Nor any of the other times Logan was with me. But as soon as I'm with Logan in the pool you had to go psycho on us, didn't you? You actually had to witness me being happy for once," I was slowly realizing my mom's tactics.
"Pretty much, yes," she shrugged, emerging out of the closet holding at least six pairs of designer shoes. I rolled my eyes as she met my gaze and dropped the shoes in the suitcase.
"Why mom?" I had tried to sound less angry, but I could tell it wasn't working by her freezing-cold glare I received.
"Why?" she threatened to answer with a lecture.
"You know what?" I threw my hands up passively. "I don't care. I just hope you know you're ruining a life here." Her glare dropped and softened before I turned away. "Actually," I stopped to turn and look at her before I continued. "You're ruining two."
I made sure my words hit her before I walked away this time, exiting her room to get to my own. Once there, I walked straight into the bathroom and turned the shower on—putting the water temperature as high as possible.
While waiting, I picked up the pile of towels on the floor that I had been rummaging through before Logan showed up this evening. I then left the bathroom to grab my phone, and shot Logan a text.
"I'm sorry, I love you." was all I sent, before tossing the phone on my bed and going back into the bathroom. I pulled down elastic of the boxers around my hips and listened to the wet fabric slap against the floor before stepping out of them. Getting into the shower, I almost shouted out in pain with the feeling of the scalding hot water. I tried to be strong, I deserved the burns I was receiving on my back. Soon, though, I was turning the water down to a relatively normal temperature and stood under the water. I leaned my forehead against the wall, feeling the hot water trail down my back.
I let myself cry for a little bit, thinking about how much I was hurting Logan, how much I was hurting myself by giving in to the move. There was nothing more desperate than my desire to bring Logan with me, or move somewhere random with him to be away from my mom.
If I could, I would. Yet I found myself often too chicken to truly stand up to my mom—to runaway would be way too extreme. I let more tears mix in with the hot water trying to clean me off.
I groaned as I turned off the water and the cold air stung just as much as the water did when I first got in. Exiting the bathroom, I stubbed my toe and tripped on a bunch of empty boxes my mother must have thrown in my room while I was in the shower. I kneeled down in pain, breathing heavily like a pregnant woman in labor—trying not to cry or scream more. The towel I had loosely wrapped around my hips was trying its hardest to stay clinging to my waist.
I grabbed the towel and pulled it tighter—making it almost painfully so. My phone buzzed, so I walked over to look at it. I tried to take the pressure off of my stubbed and injured toes as I sat down, unlocking the screen of the phone and looking at the texts and missed calls.
"Fuck," I muttered as I had missed six calls from Carlos, one from Kendall. Kendall, however, had written me four very detailed sad and annoyed texts. Carlos only left one. My eyes scanned through the texts—not really registering what they were saying. My eyes finally hit the last unread text on the screen from Logan.
" :( I love you too, James. So much." Logan left it at that. Despite the simplicity, it made my heart leap and it felt wonderful to read something like that from him. I flopped backwards on the bed and closed my eyes, wanting to punch myself in the face.
I couldn't leave Logan.
"James," I woke up to the harsh voice of my mother and the lights in my bedroom being turned on.
"What?" I growled, not wanting to talk to her.
"Wake up," she answered, ignoring the attitude I was throwing at her.
"I don't want to," I rolled over—realizing I wasn't really in bed, I was more on top of it. I opened my eyes, to notice I wasn't wearing clothes—just the towel that I used last night. It was still damp, I must have been sleeping on it.
"You have to," Brooke spoke again, rustling somewhere around the boxes in the room.
"Why?" I was trying to make this as difficult as possible—even though I couldn't locate her.
"You've already slept through most of the school day," she answered. I then heard the screeching of boxing tape, and I was harshly reminded of what happened last night. Today I would be moving.
"Good," I lay back down on the bed while closing my eyes, adjusting the towel so that it stayed around me for warmth.
"You're so lazy," I heard her move a box around on the carpeted floor before I felt her cold hands ripping the towel off of my body. My eyes wrenched open while I tried to cover myself. "Get up," she repeated.
"I'm up!" I answered, extremely pissed off and exposed.
"We're leaving in a couple of hours—the movers are already here. Get moving!" She walked away.
"Well maybe it wouldn't be this difficult if we weren't moving at all!" I shouted after her, completely naked in my room. My phone went off from somewhere in the room. I found it stuffed under one of the pillows on my bed—I had fallen asleep with it in my hands last night.
I looked at it to see Carlos was calling me.
"Hello?" I answered—ready for a huge disappointment lecture.
"Where the hell are you?" Carlos shouted in the busy hallway on the other end of the line. "Hey watch it," I heard him tell someone after they had bumped into him—that was so out of his character. He wasn't in a good mood.
"I'm at home—I slept through the day. There's no point in me showing up anyways…"
"What are you talking about? Logan and Kendall are on their way over right now, I'll be over after the next period."
"What? Wait! Carlos—" it was no use, he had already hung up. I sprang to get clothes on and wait downstairs for Logan and Kendall—hoping Brooke would be busy and not notice the two extra boys in the house, especially the one that she had tried to keep me away from.
I heard them pull into the driveway, and opened the door before they could knock or ring.
"Uhh, you have moving trucks in your driveway," Kendall pointed with his thumb towards the driveway.
"Tell me about it," I rolled my eyes. Kendall stepped past me and up the stairs before Logan addressed me.
"I don't want you to go," he whispered with a sad expression. I had nothing to say; I didn't want to go either. He stepped inside and gave me a kiss, before following Kendall and disappearing up the stairs. I sighed as I closed the door and went into the kitchen. I went through my favorite line in my head to keep myself going; just keep moving, keep moving James.
I opened the fridge doors to grab three waters and then left, not talking to any of the movers wandering about in the kitchen. They were all delighted to be here, getting paid to destroy my life.
I entered my room and locked my door behind me; Kendall and Logan threw me questioning looks before I explained. "My mom doesn't know you're here."
Logan sighed; he was sitting on my bed as Kendall looked around at all of the boxes sitting in my room.
"These are all empty," he frowned.
"Yup," I answered blatantly.
"Don't you want to fill them?" he had a puzzled look on his face.
"Nope," I popped the 'p' before handing them both water bottles and sitting down next to Logan, kissing his cheek. Logan turned to me and met my lips with his. I could tell he wasn't happy—but he was at least happy to have me here for now.
"Please, just don't go," he whispered once more.
"I don't have a choice," I sighed, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my palms. "I'll visit as much as possible though, I promise you."
"That's not going to be enough for me," Logan admitted, laying back on the bed.
I stood up and started packing, thanking Kendall silently for starting the job for me.
"You're a pro," I told him, watching him load things nicely. "Do you want me to leave?" I chuckled, but then realized it wasn't a good joke.
"No, I just figure the less of a fight you put up with that bitch of a mom, the more likely she'll be nice enough to let you come back sometime."
"I like your mindset," I snorted, tossing a bunch of clothes into a box.
"Don't you want to put those in a suitcase?" he smirked, I took a moment before realizing he was right.
"Yeah, probably. Or I could just go naked around the city for the rest of my time there."
That got a dry chuckle out of Logan from the bed, which made me smile. I would miss that chuckle too much—but it was great to hear.
By the time Carlos came over after his last period at school, Kendall and I had finished packing most of the clothes and books in my room, as well as extra hair products and combs.
I didn't really care about anything I left in my locker—so I allowed myself to relax as I sealed the last box, knowing that I didn't really forget anything.
Logan hummed along to some music we were hearing from downstairs—the movers had put on a small radio and perched it somewhere in the living room only to have it play twenty times louder than necessary. Fuck. I would miss his humming as well.
There was a lot I would miss about Logan for the time I'd be away from him. I didn't know how long that might be—only because my mother probably wouldn't be on board with me visiting him as often as possible, let alone being with him.
I smiled as I watched my boyfriend close his eyes and quietly sing along to the tune, still in the same laying position on the bed. Logan obviously felt someone watching him, so he slowly opened his eyes and met his gaze.
"What?" he asked, innocent. I didn't answer, but instead lay down with him on the bed.
"Can I call you every night just to hear you sing to me?" I was only half-joking with him.
"You'll be back in no time, you won't need to call me for that," Logan offered up a weak smile. I was silent after that statement, not so sure when I'd be back. His small crooked smile fell when I didn't answer. "Right?"
"I hope," I offered the same weak smile back at him. I watched his Adam's Apple slide down his throat and back up as he swallowed.
"I don't want you to go," he choked, turning so he could hide his face in my neck.
"I know," I repeated. We had exchanged the same words too many times since last night to count, but it seemed that every time we had said it, reality was hitting harder and harder—as if it had changed from a pillow to a brick.
Carlos and Kendall exchanged chatter from the other side of the room—out of my line of vision from the bed. I pushed Logan away so I could adjust myself so that we were adjacent to each other, looking straight at each other. I saw that Logan felt a little rejected by me pushing him away, but I soon connected our lips, taking away the harsh feelings he may have experienced.
He didn't hesitate to send the love and passion I gave through my lips right back to me. It was such a refreshing feeling lately—having someone to love and kiss me. Another thing you'll miss, you dumbass. I tried to hold back the sadness and simply enjoy the pure bliss Logan was providing me—before he pulled away this time.
"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned.
"You're sad again," he sighed, looking past the walls I had put up to protect him from the rest of reality. The truth was that I was leaving in less than six hours, and our time together was limited.
"I just wish there was some way I could stay," I sighed, letting my guard down.
"Oh," his voice cracked.
"I don't know what I'm going to do without you around," I admitted. "I'm going to miss everything about you."
"It'll be hard to survive with just those two knuckleheads," he was referring to Carlos and Kendall, who had not heard the comment. "Promise me you'll talk to me everyday, please," Logan scooted even closer to me; I could almost taste his lips again.
"I promise," I lifted a hand up and stuck out my pinky. "Pinky promise." Logan smiled at me once more before burying his face into my neck and kissing it lightly. Not hard or sexual and desiring, but sweet and simple, comforting.
I threw an arm over his side, trying not to cry again.
"Hey guys," we were interrupted by Carlos.
"What?" Logan sighed, rolling over so he was out of my neck.
"There was someone knocking at the door," he answered. I groaned before I got up, lightheaded from the sudden movement. Sure enough, as soon as I opened it there were two movers standing there, ready to take away the boxes and furniture.
"Sorry kid," one of them brushed by me, telling Logan to get off the bed kindly. I watched as Logan walked over to Carlos and Kendall; who patted Logan's shoulder comfortingly. Logan didn't seem to appreciate it all that much. Soon, the movers were done and we were left in the empty room, sitting on the middle of the floor.
"Well," Carlos started. "I didn't know you for long James, but I'll miss you." Kendall nodded in agreement.
"Thanks for being pretty chill," he said to me, Kendall's way of saying 'Thanks for being such a good friend.'
"Sure thing, I'll miss you all too."
"I don't get it though," Carlos interrupted the moment. "Why does your mom do this so much?"
"Cause she's a bitch," I answered. "Always has been."
"I told you we could share moms," Logan shrugged with a funny smile, remembering when we first met—the first conversation we had.
"Yeah," I laughed. "I didn't think it'd get this bad."
"Tell me how the corndogs are in the city," Carlos smiled, trying to lighten up the tense situation. "I've never been, you'll have to try them for me."
"Well you guys are going to have to visit sometime," I hinted, implying there should be another trip for all of us to enjoy together. "Of course it's going to have to take Brooke finding another city and basically living there before that happens again."
Hours passed, and I was glad that my friends were willing to stay here for the remainder of our time left. Sooner than I knew it though, Brooke was barging through the door.
"James the car's here—oh," she stopped and frowned. "I didn't know you all were here." Logan, Kendall and Carlos all knew better than to say anything, knowing a fight might have been pursued if they had. She left without another word, and I gave my hugs to Carlos and Kendall, we reassured each other we wouldn't be apart long.
"Carlos, let's go do that English homework," Kendall winked at me, understanding that I wanted some alone time with Logan before I left him for god knows how long.
"Bye, James," Carlos waved sadly, dismissing Kendall and himself from the situation. "Later Loges."
We watched them go before we were left alone in the empty room.
"So," Logan started, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"So…" I repeated.
"I just...love you so much," I listened as Logan fought back tears.
"I love you too," I struggled just as much, quickly taking Logan into a long, heavy embrace. We pulled our heads away from a moment to observe each other, before kissing each other one of the last times for a while. It wasn't desperate and hot, like it had been many enjoyable times in the past, but satisfying and expressive.
He took my hand without another word when we pulled away, and led me down the stairs where Brooke stood waiting, punching something into her blackberry.
She scowled when she saw my hand intertwined with Logan's. After our fight last night, she had been a lot more minimal with what she said and did to me.
"I'm getting in the car. You have two minutes."
"So this is it," Logan mumbled, turning to me after she was out the door. It was dark outside, and extremely cold.
"It's not," I shrugged. I didn't want to leave on a sad note, despite the fact I was close to murdering my mom.
"Call me when you land," he said, giving my hand one last squeeze.
"Of course."
"Well," he started, looking towards the door. "You'd better get going." His voice wavered, he was close to tears.
I nodded. "There are no words to describe how much I hate her right now," I was referring to my mom.
I watched as he let tears fall on to his cheeks. I leaned down and kissed him, our lips moved in perfect harmony for a moment before I pulled away and smiled at him, wiping the tears off of his face. He smiled back.
I led him outside; we held hands all the way down to the end of the driveway to the limo that Brooke was waiting inside. Logan sniffled and started to laugh while wiping some tears away.
"I really need to toughen up," he chuckled. I laughed before leaning down and kissing him for the last time, letting his lips linger over mine before we pulled apart.
"Goodbye, James," he whispered, smiling.
I opened the car door, and slid in, before rolling down the windows and sticking my head out. Before the car was pulling away and Logan's silhouette was in the distance, I had one more thing to say to him.
"It's not goodbye."
This isn't the last chapter—no worries :D
Xx
