'I do not own RWBY. It was created by Monty Oum, and is owned by Roosterteeth.'
Note: Woo! Finally first term is done (technically it will be done tomorrow... ) and now I can finally have a break from the onslaught of tests, projects, and collaborative work which's been ruining me. Though to be fair, I am getting over 95% in six of my subjects, one of the remaining out of eight being P.E. so I suppose I'm doing better than most.
On another note, I got my room painted (the colour is 'Trans Canada Highway' for anyone wondering) and I got a new leather gaming chair as well, so my writing will be done in ultra comfort.
Though, I have been cut off of Pepsi, and am rusty, so hopefully everything goes well. I've had a long time to think about comedy and get back into the flow of things! ~-~
Criminal Mastermind!
Chapter XXVIII
With a massive sigh Jaune let the pen drop out of his hand and onto the page before leaning back in his chair. Reclining back, he looked up at the ceiling. The intricate murals spiraled together, telling a story of some kind in which dark monsters destroyed this and that.
Oddly charming actually. Thinking about the people he met just a couple hours ago, you know, grimm gene manipulator, queen of grimm, some sort of odd floating ball grimm. They all had lives, probably had some sort of backstory, something which made them who they were.
This mural… It very well could be some sort of story he simply didn't understand.
Finally done with the paperwork, Jaune gathered it all up into a nice and tidy pile before putting it into the center of his desk. That's right, his desk! Not anyone else's! Well… Technically it wasn't his desk yet since that would only happen once he handed over the paperwork, but it was already his really since he was done it!
Right?
Sure he hasn't read the fine print, but who needs that. It's just something used by lawyers for this or that, he won't ever be in the position to need to be a lawyer anyways. Not with his now very profitable career in being a criminal!
Now that the papers were signed, Jaune had his benefits, his salary, everything laid out for him, and boy. Having a real job in which the benefits weren't 'Roman probably won't rob you.' was nice. Nice indeed!
Jaune smiled to himself, leaning back in his chair. Ah yes… It felt good to have a real job for once. His family would be proud. Well, maybe not about the fact that he was arguably the most wanted man on the planet, but the fact that he was also the most amazing plan on the planet made up for it.
Putting the papers nicely on the desk, he went over to his dresser before pulling out one of his custom made night sets. Silk or something he was pretty sure. Running his hands over the fabric, he stripped before getting dressed again and buttoning it up.
Tossing his things in the next hamper before sitting down on his bed. Taking a second to just breath and go over everything that had happened, he had enough and just laid back, content with just laying there until he heard a knock at his door.
Getting up with a sigh, Jaune made his way across the cold floor before hopping over to the door and looking through the hole built into it. Seeing Emerald standing there rubbing her arm, he retracted from the door before unlocking one of the many locks built in and letting it swing open.
"Yes?" He asked, briefly thinking about rubbing his eyes just so that he looked tired and annoyed but went against it. Despite being in his new pajamas, he wasn't even tired. "I assume you need me for something?"
Emerald briefly took a moment to regain her composure before smiling at him looking oddly friendly. Red eyes flashing over him in his all black briefly, she continued. "Ah yes, Cinder sent me to inform you that breakfast tomorrow will be served at eight, so feel free to sleep in."
"Ah, tell her I said thanks." Jaune said before taking in a breath and letting it out as she continued standing there. Was she waiting to be dismissed or something?
God, this was getting awkward! She was just standing there! What is he supposed to do!? A lesson from Roman many years ago flashed into his mind, but he didn't think that she'd be waiting for him to kiss her right now.
What was going on!?
"Well, have a nice night Emerald." Jaune said before stepping back. Seeing her turning away, he figured it was okay to close the door, but restrained for a few minutes when his eyes locked onto the gentle sway of her shorts.
Shaking his head with a small smile, he shut the door.
~o0o~ Criminal Mastermind! ~o0o~
Yawning as he dug through his closet, Jaune rubbed his eyes lazily with one hand. Reaching in, he grabbed the big black bag hung in there, and tossed it onto the bed before shutting the door and walking over.
Unzipping it, he noticed that, yes, his suit has indeed been laundered, repaired, and had gotten a new shoe. Putting it out on the bed, he dropped his towel before putting it all on, making sure he looked as good as possible in the mirror provided in his bathroom before going and walking over to a window.
Taking a good look out of it, Jaune realized that everything there, everything he could see from his room up in this tower, belonged to his employer. All the way out to the horizon past the bubbling pits of grimm, and past the rolling dead hills of beautiful smooth and at the same time jagged stone which made up the landscape.
All of it was hers.
'Huh, I kind of remember some sort of mathematical formula which should let me calculate the distance in between me and the horizon point actually… Oh bother, who cares. I'm sure if I were to ask at breakfast one of them would know.'
Putting on one of his last remaining items, his watch, Jaune looked at the cracked lens face before frowning. It would take a while before another one was made and shipped to him, and Watts had said that it would take a while before they actually got him his gadgets…
'Oh well… Seems as though it's time for my breakfast anyways.'
Stepping out of his room and being sure to take his keys and the papers, he tucked them into his blazer before continuing down the halls. They were still stone, and cold, and long and large, but oh well. They were the walls he lived in now, and he got paid a rather hefty sum to work for her, so who cares!
Whoever said that a business deal with the queen of the enemies of mankind couldn't be reasonable? Sure, she might not have legs and therefore might be unable to do enough squats to maintain her figure, but that only meant that she might not have legs!
Right?
Finally getting back to what had been shown off as the actual dining hall, as opposed to any other hall for meeting, Jaune pushed open the door before stepping inside with the noise of clattering cutlery and feasting in his ears.
Seeing that everyone was already eating, he walked over to an empty seat beside Cinder and pulled it over before gesturing to it getting her to raise an eyebrow. "This seat taken?"
She shook her head, her dark hair swaying with the motion. "By all means."
Unbuttoning his blazer and sitting down, he tucked himself into the table before grabbing onto the cloth around the cutlery and placing it on his lap. Reaching over to grab from the large bowl of scrambled eggs, Jaune got a few on his plate before also grabbing a bit of sweet, sweet, bacon and some hash browns.
He briefly considered grabbing some toast, but you should never eat toast in front of your boss.
'Thinking about it, Salem isn't actually eating anything… Either she isn't hungry, or she's simply unable to eat period. I should probably ask, but I don't think I'm going to… After all, perhaps that's how she maintains her waistline.' Jaune looked over in her direction again thinking about her perfect figure before she looked back at him her dark iris' focusing on him as he looked away.
'Yea, she doesn't seem like the kind to do squats. Though I'm sure if I told her all of the benefits to your health, I'm sure she'd do them! I know I can't get by without my fifty squats a day.'
Finishing up with his meal, he was about to ask where he should put his plate before it was whisked away from him by a seer grimm behind him. Taking it in it's long, hooked, and floating tentacle as it grasped around dark wooden table, Jaune couldn't help but think of that one time Neo made him watch that one anime…
What was it called again, 'Hentacle'? Something like that.
As all the plates were cleared and the table was cleaned quickly, Jaune looked over to his left where Cinder was sitting. Just beyond her was Mercury, then Emerald, and an empty seat. While to his right was Hazel, the large man looking at the speck of dirt under his nails as though it had just committed mass genocide.
Clapping her hands together only once, Salem got the attention of the entire table. Hell, even Merlot stopped in his snoring to look up shocked as he remembered where he was. Calmly cleaning his glasses as though nothing had happened only once Merlot was done did Salem continue.
"Despite the continued absence of Tyrian in our plans due to his… More erratic behavior, we have work to get done do we not?" Salem said, her voice ringing out clear as she made it obvious that yes, it was very clear. Turning towards him, Salem seemed to still look at him with respect even after gaining his work. Huh, how cordial of her. "Tell me Jaune, have you ever heard the fairytale involving the four maidens?"
Jaune attempted to hide his surprise at the question as best as he could, before thinking that anyone who noticed would just chalk it up to the randomness of the question. Shaking his head, he smiled sheepishly. "No, I don't believe so."
Clasping her hands together before moving her slender white fingers into a steepled position, she gave a small pause before continuing. "Well, one day four maidens chose a lonely old hermit's house to call their meeting point."
Jaune nodded, following along when she waited for him. He read up as much as he could on it online once he'd hidden the file, and Jaune was sure that he'd cleared his history afterwards.
"Each of them arrived at a different time. First winter, bringing with her the knowledge of knowledge, and reflection. The second, spring, brought gifts which revitalized his old and neglected garden." Salem continued before watching him. He sat there, making eye contact before raising an eyebrow and waiting for her to continue. The word 'winter' had briefly make him think of his little 'Snow Succubus' but he banished the thought.
Not right now.
"Summer then came, bringing with her the spirit of adventure, and the drive, as well as will to continue out in the world rather than in his home." Taking in another breath before opening her hands and placing them calmly on the table, she then gestured in his general direction. Or at least, what he assumed was his direction. "Last came fall, encouraging him to be thankful for all that he has been brought and given, because nothing good could last forever."
He nodded. This much he knew, he knew of their reality too, even if the subtle hints in the storytelling already pointed to their actual existence. Currently, he only knows of one of them, the fall maiden. Apparently she'd been attacked and was currently out of commission for a little while.
"These four figures were then bestowed the powers of the hermit, who was thankful for all he had been given, and felt them deserving of it." She said ending the tale with a small tone. Taking in a breath as though about to deliver bad news, she leaned in, ever so slightly towards him. "This tale, is not a tale, but rather a forgotten truth."
At that he feigned surprise. He was no Oscar winning actor though, and her eyes narrowed on him. "You seem rather… Calm about the fact that I just told you a legend was real."
Jaune chuckled at that, and the rest of the table assumed he was crazy. Finishing after a few moments, Jaune raised an eyebrow at his boss, genuinely touched that she thought herself so normal.
"Calm? I'm not calm. But yesterday, I met you. The leader of things which are supposed to be mindless, and they're terrifying, something which is partially hidden by your beauty." Jaune said before raising a finger. "No, I'm not calm. But stranger things have happened in the past two days."
Leaning back in her chair, the queen looked down at him as though questioning before simply turning away from him, looking at each of the other members at the table. "I suppose that makes sense. Now, Jaune, though I know you're new, do keep up."
Leaning forwards in his chair, he placed his elbows on the table and put his hands together while shifting slightly. Good, he seems to have avoided her ire for now. But a new job? So soon after the last one? He was getting tired of all this.
"Cinder has already managed to find the fall maiden, and drain her of the powers given her by the hermit." She said, gesturing back towards Cinder who let a small smile grace her face. Somehow it made her look even better than she already did. "However, there are still three unknowns. We believe we know where one of the other maidens is, but it will take more resources and time to validate that information."
As her white hair moved back, Salem gestured forwards with her hand, and darkness pooled up onto the table from the corners of the room, unknowingly drawing the eyes of each spectator as the anti-light given form pooled together.
Spiking in the center as though someone was pulling something out of a sticky substance, it morphed into a building, a tall one at that. "Cinder, as well as the Rogue, are to find the next maiden. Either the winter, or the summer maiden's information is held on the servers inside this building."
"Your task is to infiltrate the building, get into the information banks, and locate the file we're looking for. Extract it, and get out of the building, and return to me once you have it." She said before the darkness splashed back down and disappeared, totally destroyed by the light above the table.
"However, given the fact that your new toys will have to be made, and that a plan to infiltrate will have to be drawn up, you have time to return to Vale with Cinder and return to obscurity." Salem said, her voice sounding almost… Disappointed. Something which was odd to hear come from her, since she's so calm and collected most of the time.
"Now, leave. You have a flight for Vale leaving in seven hours, and the transport to get you out of here will be here in a few hours." She said before standing, and straightening out the non-existent wrinkles in her body hugging dress.
Cinder then stood, her own red dress reflecting some of the light in the room. Emerald and Mercury followed as soon as Cinder gave the signal with a small gesture in her left hand. As they left the room by the same entrance he entered in, and Salem glided out of the room using another door on the opposite side of the room, Jaune was left with only Watts, Hazel, and Merlot.
Attempting to break the silence, Jaune meekly coughed into his fist, getting them to all look at him. "Sooo…. Any of you fine gentlemen play backgammon?"
~o0o~ Criminal Mastermind! ~o0o~
Roman took in his cigar with a proficiency honed over the many years of his criminal-dom. Leaning against the railing, he looked out over the night sky, the docks, the various container ships coming into port.
While yes, he was a very wanted man, and yes, he probably shouldn't be out so late, her he was, letting his bed lay cold as he watched the waves.
Sometimes, he just needed to destress.
Working with his usual buffoons was driving him nuts. Each and every one of them was so incompetent. It made him sick. They turned to crime because they were not driven enough, or not competent enough for a proper job, and then they're too incompetent for what? Robbing a single dust shop?
Don't make him laugh!
If only Jaune were here… Sure with things like his odd habit of exploding pens, paperwork always had to be reprinted, and signatures re-forged... But he was so oddly incompetent it works out in an odd level of unseen competence. He was the weirdest worker he's ever had, but he was also the best.
Well, Neo might actually hold that spot, but Jaune came in pretty damn close.
He closed his eyes. Where was Jaune now? The entirety of the world has heard about the failed bust in the hotel, the company of outlaws he was keeping, the ambush he pounced on the VSS and the force sent to arrest him. But, he'd gotten away, as he always has, and is now somewhere, probably in some sort of resort sipping from a coconut as girls in swaying hula skirts dance-
Broken out of his thoughts by the sound of shattering reality itself, Roman turned around taking the cigar out of his mouth and tossing it into the sea while he was at it. Standing in front of him was a disheveled looking Neo, as her hair was all over the place and she was wearing some sort of hoodie with a bunny on it.
Well, that was new.
Going down to her mid thigh, the hoodie itself was long enough to essentially act as clothing, though she was probably wearing something else underneath anyways. In her hands, or rather, odd hoodie covered hands was a manilla file which she was shaking in his face rather quickly.
"Jeez, you going cold turkey? What's the matter with you!"
She lowered the file snarling in his face before stopping away and crouching next to the railing hugging the file close. Giving a large and rather exaggerated sigh, she snaked her hands out of the very long sleeves and grasped the file.
Before she ripped it to shreds.
Tearing it in at least twenty different ways all crisscross, horizontal, vertical, and oblique, the file was little more than paper mulch by the time she was done. Disappearing again, Neo returned once more with a portable shredder before putting in the rest and turning it on.
It whirled angrily at the thickness of the paper, but churned through it in a three cut pattern impossible to reassemble before she disappeared again and returned with a oil drum. Generally shoving it in the direction of the railing, she kicked the lid and it crumpled beneath her heel, the oil spilling into the wharf in less than a minute.
Picking up the shredder, she tossed it into the water, as well as a little USB stick he saw spiraling through the air, reflecting light off of it's silverness. Roman by this point gave a sigh, knowing what would come next.
He hated having to buy new lighters.
Not even bothering to check, Roman watched as his own personal lighter appeared in her hand and she flicked it open before starting the fire. Staring at it for a good second, she tossed it in a second later, and it collided with the water.
As the oil ignited and the water became liquid fire, there was an orange glow which overtook them all before Neo just nodded, and stepped back into her semblance, gone from his side.
Nodding to himself and taking out another cigar from its case before holding it over the flames and lighting it, he put it back to his lips and gave a puff before letting it out. "Must be on her period."
~o0o~ Criminal Mastermind! ~o0o~
Note: Boom! Done! Fantastic! Now, I know it might not've been very funny, but things will get back. Just remember it takes time to get back into the writing fever, since it's a fickle thing. Of course, I'll continue without a doubt!
Now, I guess I'm done. 'Woman Whisperer' chapter tomorrow, and there should be a 'Jaune Arc: Augmented' chapter on the weekend… We'll see if I make more smut this weekend also.
Anyways, be sure to have a wonderful evening, study hard, relax, and leave a review! Now that I have my beanbag chairs set up again, I've got a nice comfortable place to read all of everything!
Review Responses:
FateBurn: Thanks!
salomjesus3: Thanks man!
Benthino: Well, things are about to get a lot more interesting that's for sure.
NyaNyaKittyFace: Sorry about the sandwiches man, remember, I've got a lot to keep track of!
X3runner: Despite having all sorts of votes, and knowing who I want for sure, I just want to keep adding and adding waifus! God, why does RWBY have to have so many waifus?
Saberfang Orcalodon: Porn stash? My ass it is! Wait, I mean, what? Was that weird?
SeaZZor: Haha, thanks man. Plenty of Jaune for you this time.
DuplicateUserName: Haha, made me laugh. All of Ironwood's iron wood, will be on display.
Frank Horrigan: I totally forget where Mandalorians are from… Can't actually be StarWars can it? (It is, I'm just bad.)
R-king 93: I will indeed!
TalonIbnLaAhad: Woo! We'll see the White Fang eventually… Or will we?
littlejason8: Of course it's not the porn stash, remember the file? From the first heist? That right there is what I call "dump so much on them they forget important plot bits only for them to come back later and confuse and amazing everyone".
343: Yup! On both! (Technically.)
ikidude: Still haven't seen DeathNote funnily enough.
desdelor97: Thanks man! I will.
Zaralann: How is it a bad plot twist? (Just wondering… Also, it's not really a twist.)
LL: Ah yes, the SnowSuccubus porn is all in the other drawer.
That guy: Bro, don't apologize for not reviewing if a hurricane is stopping you. That's just ridiculous.
Guest: Haha, can't wait till the DLC!
The USB: See? Well, maybe not hilarious, and it certainly isn't every secret.
Guest: Was thinking about it, still not sure…
zolth411: You will indeed! I'll continue this until I reach the ending I planned, so very long ago.
Alex TF: Burn it apparently.
Shawn1302: Maybe, but I was already thinking of making another story for Salem related things.
TheArchmage1: The point of Destiny isn't to beat the story, it's to become powerful, and meet people you'll game with forever.
Alright! Done! I want to just talk, and talk, and talk, but I can't! So alas, I'm out! Have a wonderful night! (Totally forgot to mention that I bought Xcom2 and made the entire RWBY cast in it. God, Ruby is just plain OP by this point. Her and her sniper/pistol. Yang and her grenades. Blake and her concealment. Weiss and her hacking... Jaune and his Psi wizard shit.)
-DragonManMax
