A/N: So I've tried to become sane, but pirates are still on my mind every now and again. I have here the handful of deleted scenes I promised... and I've also done fifty-some pages of a possible book four for this series. My intention was to not do any more giant pirate epics unless they decide to make a fourth movie. But now I'm starting to wonder: why not? Maybe I'll go ahead and edit it up and post it. What do you think - would you still read? Let me know, and I'll update here again in a week or so to let you know what I've decided.


Fun yet pointless Jack/Barbossa bit.

Jack was leaning back to get the last few drops of rum out of his bottle when he was grabbed from behind and pitched headfirst into a wall.

His bottle smashed and his head cracked against cold brick. Only then did he remember his resolution never again to be caught drunk and helpless in a dark alley.

He fumbled for his gun as soon as he could get a hand free, but the attacker threw him to the ground and planted a knee in his back to hold him there. He went for the gun again as his head was jerked back by the hair-

"Now none o'that – I thought ye said you were through with shootin me."

Jack went limp with relief. "Barbossa. Gods you scared me. Let me up."

"No." The weight on him shifted as Barbossa made himself more comfortable. "What have I told ye about gettin caught out alone like this?"

"Look, mate, I'm drunk, it won't hap-"

"And especially what have I told ye about gettin caught out alone and drunk?" Barbossa said over him.

Jack sighed. "All right, you've got me, I'm sorry, I- AAH!" His decision to just hold still for the duration of the lecture went out the window when he felt a sharp pain in the back of his neck. "What are you- ow!" It was a cut, he could tell now. Two of them… so far.

"Shut up. You're the only one of me crew fool enough to wander off like cattle," Barbossa explained, "So it seems I ought to mark ye like cattle. This way people know who to return you home to next time y'get lost." He made a third cut and then stood up. Jack stood too and was immediately whacked upside the head.

When his drunk brain cleared a little, he saw his friend leaning against the wall still glowering at him. Jack grinned. "You were worried about me."

"Y'be pretty easy to worry about."

Jack checked his lip for blood and then put a hand to the back of his neck. "Fair enough. Feel better now?" Barbossa nodded, no longer radiating dangerous anger, so Jack dared ask, "What's that you cut on me?"

"H. Twas all I figured you'd hold still for."

"H?" Jack complained. "But nobody calls you Hector! People won't know who H is – we'll be lucky if nobody takes me to Holland. Or Admiral Hornblower. Or-"

"I'd be happy to carve the rest of me name too, Jack."

"On second thought I suppose H is enough." Jack smirked. "But now I am going to call you Hector, and you can't stop me."

"Can't I?" Barbossa growled.

"No." Jack dusted himself off and started to flounce away towards the main street. "Cmon mate, let's pick ourselves up a couple of wenches and-"

Barbossa followed him and only just reined in the urge to whack him again. "Wenches? We're not in Tortuga, you idiot! This be Port Royal. Foolin around here is-"

"Oh. Is that why the girls keep shrieking when I ask 'em to name their price?"

Barbossa grabbed him by the back of the neck, grinding against his fresh cuts, and started steering him back towards the ship. "Jack, the next step be a collar," he warned. "And a leash."

"Ooh, then we'll get to be within five feet of each other all the time," Jack said brightly. He threw his arm around Barbossa's shoulders and breathed into his face. "Won't that be fun?"

Barbossa detached him with a panicked spasm. "On second thought a leash be out of the question."

The End.


The final goodbye scene between the pirates and the Turners:

The four of them stood facing each other. Will and Elizabeth were holding hands. Jack had maneuvered himself to Barbossa's side and managed to stay there, no matter how hard Barbossa tried to angle himself so that he was standing alone.

"Well," Barbossa said at last. He nodded as if that would be his entire contribution.

"I... guess this is it, then," Will said hopefully.

Jack gave a knowing smile. "So it would seem."

"Honestly, Jack, we mean it," Elizabeth laughed. Her hands went to her stomach. "I'm getting too old for this and anyway, we've decided to raise this child to a normal life."

"Aye, that's what you said about that one, too." Barbossa nodded towards Willie, who stood by the mast carving his name into it with a dagger.

She giggled, then shrugged free of Will to come hug the pirates one by one. Jack was first, and she was obliged to give him a warning sort of headbutt when he couldn't seem to keep his hands to himself. Barbossa got a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She stayed pressed to him for just a little longer than was proper, and held his hands when she stepped away. "I'm retiring from piracy for good this time, Captain. I mean it."

"Y'always mean it," he put in, but she ignored him.

"However," she continued, "I am more than willing for us to pay brief and civilized visits to each other. Like ordinary people... like ordinary friends."

He put his nose in the air. "Jack and I are goin to be extremely busy, miss," he said loftily.

Elizabeth gave his injured hand a mean little squeeze. "That's not funny. Don't you dare abandon me."

So he sighed and put a hand to her face. "Beg pardon, Will," he said without looking, then pulled her in and held her close. After a good long squeeze he made to whisper something into her ear, but at the last second thought better of it - there was, after all, his reputation to consider. "Don't worry, you'll see me again," he assured, out loud.

Afterwards he and Will shook hands. "I'll miss you, Captain - you've been growing on me," Will said with his usual bluntness. Then his eyes darted over to Willie and he added, "Thank you."

Barbossa shrugged. "It's in his blood, Will. You can't keep him ashore forever."

"Well, they say you can't live forever, either... and we all see how true that's turning out to be." He clapped the pirate on the shoulder and told him, "Take care of yourself."

"Aye, will do."

Will and Elizabeth gathered up their children and climbed into the waiting boat. Neither of them noticed the wave that their son aimed back at the captain, or the wink he got in response.

The End.


What happened between Davy and Elizabeth when they were locked in the cabin together:

"Come - filth impresses nobody," Elizabeth declared. "If you want Tia Dalma to get anywhere near you, you're going to have to change your clothes and take a bath. I mean it. Find me a tub."

Davy growled at the floor and it began to rearrange itself - an unappealing slimy ring rose up, squelching and burping, but eventually it formed a passable bathtub, complete with salty bathwater that oozed forth to fill it.

Elizabeth hunted through Davy's things until she found some lavender-scented beauty product that, while clearly intended for females, would work nicely. She didn't ask him why he kept it around.

"I will not set foot in that monstrosity," Davy declared, poking at the mound of bubbles with his hand-tentacle.

"No - you're going to sit in it. Without your clothes. At once."

He wiped his hand on his clothes and complained, "It stings."

"It does not!"

"It will when it gets in my eyes. And besides, you don't tell me whether it-"

"You'll get in that tub, or so help me, I'll... I'll hold you down and bathe you by force!"

They stared at each other for a long moment. Elizabeth cracked first, biting her lip in a vain effort to control a fit of giggles, and then Davy snorted at her. "Noisome shrew," he muttered. "If a bath be the quickest way to quiet you down, then a bath it is. Close your eyes."

Elizabeth turned her back so that he could undress, and waited to hear a splash. It didn't come. "Davy?" she asked after a moment. No answer. "Davy."

She turned, hands on her hips, and found that he had somehow climbed (fully clothed, still) up onto the organ, and was standing on it with his sword drawn. "I warn ye, do not try to follow me up here," he called down.

Elizabeth very nearly had to admit defeat... until she noticed that the ratty old coat she had confiscated from him was lying in a heap on the floor.

She hurried over to it, picked it up and held a dagger to it. "If you ever want to wear this coat again..."

Davy's beard immediately began to knot in agitation. "You- you won't dare!... I've had that coat-... I-... in a hundred years I've not found one I like half as much," he sputtered at last. "It's my favorite. If you rip it I'll-..."

Elizabeth backed away. "Come down and get in the bath," she said steadily. "And then we'll wash this, and then you can have it back."

"You'll let it alone. Swear it. On your offsprings' lives, swear it now."

"I swear." Elizabeth put the coat down and he relaxed. "Now, come on down and take your bath. There's a good boy."

The End.


In the end I decided not to open up this particular can of worms... and besides, once AWE came out and we met Capn Teague I have to admit it's not likely. But it's written, so here you go.

Takes place on the Pearl. Jack and Willie are off playing together...

A small explosion went off, followed by some congratulatory whooping and laughing. Elizabeth shouted "Willie!" at the exact same moment Barbossa barked "Jack!"... and in the exact same tone.

First it made her smile and then it made her think. "Captain... how old is Jack really?" she asked a moment later, in what she hoped was a casual sort of way.

He was not at all fooled. "We don't know," he answered flatly.

"You don't know...?" she prompted.

"That." He shrugged. "But aye, it be a possibility." He looked over and grinned at her. "Now d'you see why he was so upset about my leadin that mutiny?"

"Mmm." She smiled back, nodding as the pieces fell into place. "And why you were so remarkably forgiving when he shot you. One would think you don't let people get away with that sort of thing."

"One would think," he agreed. He rubbed his arm where the transfusion scars were and then decided that he had said quite enough. "Course, maybe it's just because I'd already used up all my share of vindictive for the week - maroonin a pretty lady, leavin her to die on a beach, that sort of thing."

He's infinitely more likely to survive if we could find him the blood of a relative...

Elizabeth pushed the doctor's words from her head and forced herself to respect her friends' wish for secrecy. "Yes, that must be it," she giggled, and let him change the subject.

The End.


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