"He's an ass. A big, giant, hairy ass who can go fuck himself. Why the hell didn't you call me last night after he acted all assey and tell me? I would have forced your brother to stop trying to round some bases and come get you." Rachel and Quinn were lying in Rachel's bed the next afternoon, Quinn having recounted the whole story of the previous night to Rachel, including the part where the boy she'd been in love with since she was nine told her he loved her...as a sister.
"I didn't want to disturb you. I figured you needed your space after the shit that went down with the bestie and my brother was the best person to help talk you off the ledge. I took the couch. It's not a big deal, Rach."
"But it is, Q. This is your room. I'm not letting you be exiled for the night and sleep on a couch just because your brother wants to try and get some action from me. I'll talk to him later and tell him he is never to do that to you again unless he has your permission."
Quinn laughed, snuggling closer to Rachel. "Thanks chicka. You're the best. I'm so glad my brother decided to date and fall in love with you. You're the first girl he's ever been with that I actually like," she grinned.
"Thanks. I think," Rachel laughed.
Quinn sighed, staring at the ceiling as Rachel's radio played softly in the background, Taylor Swift filling the silence as she crooned about one of the many boys that had dumped her.
"I don't know what to do, diva. This whole Finn mess is really making my life suck. I mean, if he really does love me like a sister, why they hell did he kiss me like that last night? Those were definitely not brother kisses. Unless he was an incestuous brother," she giggled.
"Babe, he's been your pseudo-incestuous brother for a long time from what you've told me. The late night slumber parties in your room, the sneaking through your window, the hugs that last a little longer than they should-Hudson's been harboring some feelings that are definitely not brotherly. I think homeboy's just conflicted. He wants to fuck your brains out, but he knows he'd be risking his position in your family, you know?"
"Why are my two favorite virgins talking about fucking brains out?" Sam asked, pushing the door to the dorm room open as he walked inside.
"We were describing in detail our Saturday night plans for you," Rachel teased, sticking her tongue out at Sam as Quinn blushed a deep shade of red. "What do you want, Evans? This is girl time. No penises allowed."
"We've never had sex. For all you know, I don't have a penis," he retorted.
"Right, so the bulge in the front of your jeans is just a pair of socks you shoved down there."
"I don't know if I should feel flattered or violated about the fact that you've been secretly checking out my junk," Sam laughed, taking a seat on the edge of Quinn's bed opposite the two girls. "You should really keep your door locked, though. You don't want some random creep walking in and talking you two into a threesome."
"Not possible, hombre. No slick talking frat rat is going to talk me out of my expensive panties, even if he looks like Ryan Gosling. He might have a little more luck with Q right here, but this heart is taken and is not easily swayed by attractive yet slutty boys."
"Even though the aforementioned heart is taken by an attractive yet slutty boy," Quinn teased with a laugh. "So your point is invalid. Anyways, what are you doing here, Sam? I thought you would be standing by your man and giving us the cold shoulder."
"And risk missing out on sexually explicit conversations between two virgins? Yeah right. I needed a break from the constant bitching Kurt is doing about my favorite diva to his not-boyfriend on the phone. I figured the skanky football player would be gone by now and I'd be the only person with a Y chromosome in the room. Looks like I was right. So, what are my two favorite girls talking about?"
"Stupid boys and how we should make them go live on Mars with the aliens," Quinn replied, sitting up in bed, her legs draped across Rachel's stomach. "Besides you, Sammy. You can stay here. We'll just hide you in our garage so the other girls don't get jealous and try to steal you from us."
"Great, so I'll be demoted from best friend to sex slave hiding in the garage. Great," he said sarcastically.
"Hey, we could choose to send you to Mars with the rest of the idiot boys. Consider yourself lucky," Rachel teased, turning her head to the side to look over at him, her hands resting on the top of Quinn's knee.
"Hmm, sex slave is sounding good right about now," he joked. "What happened to get you two boy-crazy gals into a man-hating mood besides the big blow-up from last night?"
"Finn. He's such a bonehead, I don't understand how he's made it this far in life," Quinn vented, slamming her fists down on the mattress. "I'm pretty sure making out with a girl and then telling her you love her like a sister is probably about the creepiest and shittiest thing you can do to someone. Like honestly, what kind of brother makes out with his sister?"
"An incestuous one," Sam supplied, giving the two girls a quick nod of his head. "Was Finn acting like a creepy incestuous brother after all the other drunk and horny college students had left the apartment and it was just him and our beloved Quinn there?"
"After he danced around with her for awhile, of course," Rachel answered. "Seriously. He's like bipolar or something. He can't decide if he wants to fuck Quinn or pretend to be her big brother for the rest of his life. See, he has these feelings that he knows are about as far from brotherly that one can get, so he decides to dance around with her without getting too grabby, but then darling Q pulls some innocent moves out and it gets him all excited, hence the making out. But then he remembers he's supposed to be her big brother and protect her, and that my boyfriend would murder him and make it look like an accident if he corrupted his little sister's innocence, hence the love you like a sister speech. He probably spent the rest of the night masturbating to thoughts of Quinn in the shower followed by beating himself with a whip for doing that," Rachel giggled.
"One, you're disgusting. Two, why can't you be a supportive roommate instead of pondering what Finn was doing last night after the kiss from hell. And three, I'm totally telling my brother you referenced Finn and masturbation in the same sentence."
"Hmm, I love you?" Rachel teased, hitting her lightly in the shoulder as she laughed. "You know I'm kidding, darling. He probably cried himself to sleep and tried to figure out a way he could both fuck you until the world blows up and keep Puck as his best friend, then punched a pillow when he found no way."
"Seriously, how are you still a virgin with a mouth and attitude like that?" Sam asked. "If I had known you back in high school, I would have asked you out once I could think and then fucked you in the back seat of my truck. And then of course we would have fun away to Vegas and eloped. Hell, if Quinnie's brother wasn't so territorial, I would steal you away from him now."
"Aww, that's both sweet and slightly creepy at the same time," Rachel laughed, bobbing her head to the music. "And had you asked me out in high school, I would have gladly given the goods up to you, Sammy. And if Noah didn't win my heart over first, you might have had a chance with me now as well."
"Darn," Sam said, snapping his fingers. "I guess I'll have to search for another witty girl with a potty mouth who can't stop talking about sex," he teased. "In fact, I should get on that now." He stood up, walking over and gave both Quinn and Rachel a kiss on the cheek. "It's been fun girls, but I have a midterm Tuesday and I'm not going to do well if all I can recite is every dick joke Rachel knows. I'll talk to you sluts later. And chin up, Quinn. You're beautiful and definitely fuckable. If Finn doesn't see that, he's a dumbass."
Sam gave the girls a wave before leaving the room, reminding them to lock the door as he shut it behind him. Rachel climbed off the bed, locking the door knob before climbing back into bed with Quinn, resting her legs across Quinn's lap as she returned to her position of staring at the ceiling. "Well, we learned one thing from that conversation."
"What's that?" Quinn asked, looking down at Rachel.
"Sam finds the both of us extremely fuckable," she giggled.
Quinn rolled her eyes at Rachel. "He was just saying that to be nice and make us feel better about ourselves."
Rachel shook her head. "No he was totally serious. If you weren't gaga over Finn and Joe, he'd totally take you out and end the night be banging you. Give him enough time and he still might," Rachel laughed. "I mean come on, wouldn't you like to fuck Sam?"
Quinn's face turned a bright shade of red. "I mean I don't know. He's totally hot and super sweet, but he's also our friend and I wouldn't want to screw things up by sleeping with him and making everything all awkward, you know? I'd hate to be the reason our four man wolfpack breaks up."
"Okay fair enough. Still, if surfer boy and the dumbass don't get their shit together soon, I wouldn't count the blonde out. He'd be great boyfriend material, and there'd be no kind of expectations for sex since you're both virgins."
"Thanks for that, Rachel. That's definitely what I'm now going to start thinking about with every guy I could potentially date: what expectations is he going to have of me when we sleep together?"
"How do you think I feel with your brother? His history scares me if I'm being totally honest. I'll never tell him that, but I'm always intimidated when I think about how much experience he has compared to my total lack of experience. What if he thinks I'm no good if we have sex?"
"Rachel, he's head over ass for you. If doesn't matter if you're the worst lay in the history of lays. He's still going to love you and it'll just make him want to practice with you to turn you into some kind of amazing girl to have sex with. Trust me. He's not going to ditch you after you have sex the first time just because you don't know what you're doing in bed. He may be an ass, but he's not that big of an ass."
Rachel smiled at her roommate, squeezing her hand lightly. Her phone vibrated and she picked it up, her eyebrows creasing slightly as she read the name on the front. She held a finger up, climbing out of bed and answered the phone, pressing it to her ear. "Daddy?" she asked.
Quinn watched from the bed and listened to Rachel's half of the conversation. From what she gathered, Rachel's two dads were coming to visit their only child shortly and wanted to meet all her new friends. However, towards the end of the conversation, Quinn watched Rachel frown and mumble a goodbye into the phone before hanging up.
"Why so sad, diva?"
"My dads are flying out this week to visit."
"Isn't that good? You keep talking about how much you miss them and how you want them to visit."
"No, that is good," Rachel sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking over at Quinn. "They're coming out to see my first official show with the band on Thursday, but they want to take Kurt and I out for lunch to hear about our semester so far. How am I supposed to get Kurt to come to a lunch with me and my dads when he won't even speak to me?"
Quinn crawled over to Rachel, wrapping her arms around her shoulders comfortingly. "Hey, don't sweat it, love. I'm sure this will all have blown over by then and you and Kurt will be buddy-buddy again. Don't worry or cry. Things are going to get better. Both our lives might be going to hell right now, but just remember one thing."
"What's that?" Rachel asked.
"You have two fathers who adore you, a roommate who thinks you're the greatest thing since sliced bread, guy friends who would love to take you to bed but would also kick the ass of any guy who treats you badly, and a boyfriend who loves you more than anything else. Just because Kurt can't get over something that happened when you were sixteen doesn't mean you don't have a million other people here willing to take his spot until he sees reason and apologizes. Like me."
"What, you're volunteering to be my new Kurt?" Rachel laughed.
"Daaahling, I've been trying to steal that position from him since I met you. I can totally be your gay bestie, but without being gay, of course," she teased. "I'll do your hair and make fun of your clothes and tell you I love you more than I do now."
Rachel laughed, rolling back on the bed so she and Quinn were lying side by side once more. "Sounds like a plan, Kurt 2.0. You'll be the boo to my diva and we'll show Kurt that I've upgraded the best friend in my life. He'll be begging to get back in my good graces."
"Damn straight bitch. Now get your ass dressed and let's go. I have a headache, my heart is broken, and both our lives are in shambles. I think it's the perfect day to stuff our faces with greasy, fried food from In-N-Out Burger."
Okay, so a short chapter, but plenty is coming up in the next few chapters, including a few slaps to Finn's face. As always, thanks for your continued support and don't forget to leave a review! I greatly value all your critiques!
