She could tell it was good news straight away. He hadn't looked excited like this in a while, and the impatience reflected in how he took the bag of groceries from her, setting it down on the kitchen counter without unpacking, gave it away. But he wouldn't say anything, not until she had put away her coat and focused her attention fully on him. "So?"
"No more shuffling papers" he proclaimed. "I'm officially back on active duty."
"That's great!" She smiled at him, relieved that for once, things were going right in one area. "Finally…I'm happy for you."
"Feels so good."
"I can imagine!" She moved around the counter and wrapped her arm around his back. He pulled her into a one-armed hug. "So everything's in order, paperwork, psych eval and all? That was a quick decision."
He shrugged. "You're not the only one who's short-staffed. Guess they decided not to waste my considerable talents any longer."
"Makes sense." Putting him on desk duty for what had happened in the drug case had been a bit of an overreaction in the first place. He wasn't much of a bureaucrat; field word was clearly his area of expertise. She was glad that being good over the past few weeks had paid off.
"I got assigned a new case about five minutes after they told me. Undercover again."
"Oh." She tried not to ruin his moment by showing her disappointment. He would be happier, back in his element again. But he would be gone. She had grown used to having him around more in the evenings. "Guess they really needed you."
"I'm hard to replace." He started to unpack the bag at last.
She helped him store away the few items she had bought, relieved to see that his confidence –perhaps even cockiness- had returned. "This calls for a celebration."
"We have pasta and…pasta." He pulled out the last item with a frown. "That'll be a feast."
"Sorry, I was in a rush to hear your news." She had only grabbed the most basic necessities at the small corner shop, rather than stopping by the store. Neither of them was much of a cook at the best of times, and things had been so busy these past few days that they were running low on supplies.
"Okay, so pasta and…" He opened the fridge, facing the glaring emptiness inside. "…carrots and beer…"
She sighed. "Take-out?"
"Yep." He opened the drawer to get the menus. It was pretty pathetic that, at their age, they had an actual drawer for take-out menus.
"It's your big day, you pick." She knew he hated making a decision, and it would probably take twice as long this way, but she didn't need to be in charge all day and all evening.
"How…gentlewomanly of you."
She shook her head. "Not a real word."
He raised his eyebrows. "Oh yeah? Or is it a neologism?"
"Touché." She drew him close and placed a soft kiss on his lips.
He pulled back, surprised, and cleared his throat. "Um, you know, I'm actually not that hungry yet…late lunch and all…"
"Me neither." She kissed him again, with more urgency than before, and a familiar longing began to grow inside her. It was a yearning for the sensation of closeness, for a build-up and quick release. As their kisses deepened, they somehow made their way over to the couch, bumping into a chair on the way. They tumbled onto the cushions, all arms and legs and layers of clothing, and what felt good and right one second, was too fast and out of control the next – way too fast for her, too much wanting and entrapment. "Stop" she gasped.
He froze, pulling back his hands the moment he saw the expression on her face. "Liv?"
"Sorry, I can't." Her heart was racing as she somehow managed to extract herself from the embrace, sitting up with her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands.
"Hey, hey…" He sat up as well, confused. "Breathe."
She took a moment to steady her breathing, leaned forward as she was. What the hell had just happened? Damn it, she had ruined it!
"You all right?"
"Yeah…it just went so fast…"
"Sorry." He raised his hand as if to touch her shoulder, but thought better of it, dropping it.
"No, it's not you, it's…I'm sorry. I did want to, I just- we can try again in a minute, I just need-"
"Hey, slow down, it's not a challenge. We're not doing this now, not like this." She could tell he was disappointed, probably most of all by her reaction to him.
But it wasn't him, he needed to understand that. She sat back up, looking at him. "I'm sorry."
"No worries, it's fine." He was trying to appear cooler about this than he actually was. "Stop apologizing."
She scooted closer to him again, covering his hand on his thigh with hers to let him know that it was okay, that she was fine with physical contact and wasn't pushing him away. "Do you think we could just sit here and…" She didn't want to say "cuddle" because it was such a corny word. "Just for a while."
"Sure." He put his arm around her and they leaned back on the sofa, putting their feet up. Her head came to rest close to his heart. She closed her eyes. She didn't want to talk. She didn't want to eat, or move, or sleep, or think. She just wanted to stay here.
