A/N: sorry for the delay my lovely readers. I was busy getting seriously burnt on a desert island. I'm now back and brown so yay! Thanks for waiting semi-patiently … This chapter is definitely NSFW.
Emma had always hated hospitals. She thought it was probably some residual, innate, subconscious connection her body made to the first few months of her life. As a week old baby she was found on the side of the road close to death, her core temperature hovering just above the point at which she could no longer survive. The man who had found her had got her to the emergency room with minutes to spare and the doctors had worked hard to gently bring her body temperature back up. It had been ten weeks before she had been discharged and taken to a group home for abandoned babies. She didn't remember any of this, of course. But she still hated hospitals.
So she sat beside Regina, more nervous than the brunette herself as they waited for the appointment. Regina was flicking through a magazine, seemingly unaware of Emma's internal torment. The blonde was glancing up and down the stark, white corridor, eyes following both doctors and patients alike as they passed. But then Regina reached over, slipping her hand into Emma's and squeezing softly. Perhaps she had noticed, Emma mused as she felt herself relax slightly. If Regina wasn't worried, why should she be?
They were called through to Doctor Whale's office only five minutes after their appointment was supposed to have begun. A small man with white-blonde hair, he apologised profusely for keeping them waiting before gesturing to the two chairs with a smile.
"So you must be the famous Emma," he said with a grin as he extracted Regina's file from the stack on his desk and placed it in front of him.
"Not sure about the famous part but yes, I'm Emma," she replied.
"Regina's told me all about you," Whale said. "And I'm very glad you're here today. It's important that the partners are also a part of this process and understand what is going to happen and the aftermath of the operation itself."
"Yeah, I do have a few questions," Emma admitted.
"Excellent," Whale smiled. It was always a good sign when his patients' partners expressed genuine interest and had done some research prior to the meeting. "Well how about I tell you a bit about the operation and the aftercare and then you can ask any questions I don't answer with that."
Emma nodded her agreement and settled back in her chair, fingers interlaced with Regina's.
"So the fundamental aim of the operation is going to be to remove the scrotum and use the skin of the penis in its inverted form to make a vagina," Whale said, so matter-of-factly that Emma blushed. "The scrotum is easy enough to remove and we'll do that first although we may use some of the skin to form labia if there isn't enough from the penis. The next step is to cut into the penis. We basically peel the skin away, remove the flesh around the urethra which we then shorten, and then use the skin flaps to perform the inversion. This takes time but is very successful. We should also be able to form a neo-clitoris out of the sensitive tip of the penis so, in time, Regina will be able to experience sexual stimulation and pleasure. The surgery itself should take about five hours and I have an expert team assisting me throughout.
"After the surgery, I'd like to keep Regina in the hospital for about four days and then she will be able to go home. The sutures we are using will be dissolving ones, so there should be no need for more invasive procedures afterwards although I will want to seen her weekly for checkups for at least two months. There are things Regina or the two of you will need to do once she is home. The new vagina will effectively be an open wound and therefore it will attempt to heal itself by either side fusing together. You'll need to use a dilator with lubricant regularly to keep the vagina opening clear. Obviously the area is particularly sensitive to infections, so don't hesitate to come back in if something doesn't feel or look right. There will be some bleeding and discharge for a few weeks but they should both slow and stop within a couple of months. And after that you'll need to continue using the dilator for at least six months to a year to stop the vagina from healing over and to reinforce its new shape."
Doctor Whale finished his explanation and clasped his hands together on the desk. He looked from Regina, who was supremely calm, to Emma, who was white as a sheet.
"Questions?" he invited.
Emma glanced at Regina who nodded her encouragement. The brunette had been completely non-plussed by the graphic description of what was to happen to her in two days time but she knew Emma had thing she needed to ask.
"Um, yeah," Emma nodded. "What about the prostate? Cos I was watching this tv show and a transgender woman who had undergone surgery got prostate cancer. Do you remove it?"
"Usually, no," Whale explained. "We feel that it's unnecessary and its presence can help with women's sexual stimulation in the future. However we would recommend that Regina go for prostate checks regularly just as any man would."
Emma nodded her understanding. "Ok and in the future, when it comes to ... sex," she looked sideways at Regina who simply smiled at her. "Is it more delicate than a natural vagina? Do I need to be careful?"
Whale couldn't help but smile at the adorable look of concern Emma was wearing.
"We don't recommend sex for at least three to four months after the surgery," Whale said. "Although some couples find using the dilator can be pleasurable after the initially painful few weeks. And yes, at first you will need to take things slow but I would anticipate that by this time next year, Regina's vagina will be able to withstand anything your own vagina could."
Emma blushed deeply and looked at her knees, knowing her question had made it sound like the two of engage in regularly rough sex which was not the case. Regina chuckled and leaned over to kiss the embarrassed woman on the cheek.
"It's ok," Regina said softly. "Now is the time to ask these these."
Emma nodded her understanding and slowly raised her head. She had one question left and took a few breaths before asking it.
"What if it's not successful?"
"I have an excellent success rate," Whale reassured. "I have spoken with Regina extensively about our surgery plans and I am very familiar with Regina's penis so I know what to expect. As far as I'm concerned, there's no reason to expect anything less than a perfect result."
Emma nodded her understanding and managed a weak smile. She was glad Whale was confident. She was glad Regina trusted her doctor. But she was not looking forward to Friday when she would be sat in that same hospital, waiting to hear how it went.
They drove back to the cottage in relative silence, Emma too busy going over the deluge of information she had just received to start a conversation. Regina seemed to know her girlfriend needed some time alone with her thoughts. When they arrived at their new home, Emma disappeared into the field where a pond for her ducks was being dug. She stood with her arms folded, watching the machine carve out the earth to make the new habitat. After fifteen minutes, Regina appeared behind her with a cup of tea.
"They should be finished by tomorrow afternoon," Emma said as she took the drink with a nod of thanks.
"I can't wait to watch them swimming around in it," Regina said, looping her arm around Emma's waist and resting her head on the blonde's shoulder. "I'll be able to watch them from the living room window once I get home."
Emma nodded but said nothing, her mouth set in a firm line. Regina noticed the stiffened body beneath her cheek and squeezed her arms slightly.
"I'm going to be fine, Emma," she whispered. "Everything is going to go exactly as Doctor Whale described it today. This time next week I promise you I will be sat in our kitchen drinking another cup of tea and chatting with you about what we're going to have for dinner."
"What if you're not though," Emma said, her eyes shining with tears. "What if something goes wrong, Gina? I can't lose you, honey, I can't."
"You're not going to lose me," Regina said calmly. "It might be a complicated operation but it's not a life threatening one. No one's ever died having sex reassignment surgery. And even if it was dangerous, I'd still have it done. I don't belong in this body, Emma, you know that. I … I thought you supported my decision."
Emma turned to Regina and hugged her tightly. "I do," she assured the brunette. "I completely support you, Gina. I know this is what you want and I know it's what you need to finally be who you were born to be. But that doesn't mean I'm not still scared and it doesn't mean I'm not going to be pacing up and down the hospital corridors for all those hours whilst you're lying on that table being cut up."
"They're not cutting me up," Regina said, pulling back so she could look into Emma's teary eyes. "They're correcting my biology, remember? That's how you referred to this operation months ago. And yes, you can be worried on Friday. My mother will be right beside you doing the exact same thing and I love you both for doing that. But you needn't. I'm going to be fine. I'm going to come through this and when I do, I'm finally going to be the person I was always supposed to be."
When Regina woke the following morning Emma was gone. A note on the kettle told Regina the blonde had gone out to do some early morning photos of the late summer birds before they began to fly south for the winter. Regina spent her time until her girlfriend's return preparing her hospital bag for the following few days and unpacking the last of her possessions from the move. She then settled on the couch and began to reread Man Into Woman. She wasn't sure reading the memoir of someone who had died after undergoing the same operation she was about to endure was the best way to prepare for her surgery but she somehow found the book comforting. Perhaps it was because she appreciated and understood so much of what Lili Elbe said about her confused identity.
She was so immersed in the text that she didn't even hear Emma return home shortly before lunch. The blonde leaned against the doorframe for a moment, watching as her girlfriend read fervently before moving into the room and finally garnering the brunette's attention.
"Hey, how was the photoshoot?"
"Good," Emma smiled, depositing her camera bag on the coffee table and sitting down in the space just vacated by Regina's legs. "How was your morning?"
"Relaxing," Regina said as she lay her calves across Emma's lap. "I found that recipe book with the blackberry and apple jelly recipe in so we can make some in September."
Emma grinned at that. She had fallen in love with a jar of jelly she had found in Regina's house one day and had been craving more ever since she had finished the last of it the previous month. She was looking forward to making some with her girlfriend after the operation. Emma swallowed. She had been distracted by her work this morning but now the realisation of what was going to happen to Regina the following day overwhelmed her.
"Come here," Regina said, reaching for the blonde as she saw the fear and worry creep onto her features.
The two of them cuddled up on the couch, content just to lie in silence and both reassure and be reassured by the presence of the other. Emma buried her face in Regina's hair and took a deep breath, savouring the familiar scent of her shampoo. Regina's hands stroked up and down her back gently, soothingly.
"I thought I'd cook us dinner," Emma said after a while. "Do you have any requests?"
"Just a salad and some chicken in a nice sauce will be fine," Regina replied. "It's not like it's my last meal, Emma."
Biting back the urge to say that it might be, Emma instead pointed out that hospital food left much to be desired and therefore Regina should make the most of having semi-decent home cooking whilst she could.
"But you can't cook," Regina teased lightly.
"I can try," Emma shrugged. "Come on, if you've unpacked all the recipe books we can find something exotic to try and head into town to get the ingredients."
Emma regretted that decision several hours later when she despondently scraped the majority of the meal she had cooked into the trash. Regina tried to assure her that she wasn't too hungry and she was fine with just cheese on toast but Emma moped and scowled for the rest of the evening. It wasn't until she emerged from their ensuite bathroom after brushing her teeth that a smile finally graced her lips once more.
"What's this?" she asked, eyes roving over the silk clad figure before her.
"Consider it a send off," Regina suggested from where she was perched on the end of the bed, a pale pink silk neglige shimmering through the dimly lit room.
"Quite the send off," Emma said, crossing the room and kneeling in front of the brunette. "You look beautiful, Regina."
"Thank you," Regina said, bending forwards to kiss Emma's upturned lips. "And so do you, when you smile."
"I ruined your dinner," Emma mock-whined. "I was allowed to sulk."
"Fine but sulking is over," Regina said. "Now it's time for silk … and to suck."
Emma's eyes blew wide. She would never get over hearing Regina talking dirty and she hoped she would never have to. Hands resting on Regina's bare thighs, Emma slowly pushed the material upwards, revealing more and more skin until, at last, the already hard penis came into view.
"Are you going to miss it?" Regina asked Emma took her erection gently in her hand.
"No," Emma replied at once.
Regina sighed and tipped Emma's head back with a finger beneath the blonde's chin and looked deep into green eyes.
"You can tell me the truth," Regina said quietly. "I want you to tell me the truth, Emma."
"I love you," Emma said firmly. "Not your body parts."
Regina sighed. "That's not what I asked."
Emma bit her lip, hesitating. Regina always knew when she was lying and Emma herself hated doing so, especially to her girlfriend.
"I will miss it," she admitted. "But only the sensations it can give me when it's inside me. Your fingers and your mouth will be more than enough for me, however. And regardless of what you won't have after the operation, I'm already looking forward to exploring our sex life with your neo-vagina."
Regina laughed at the phrase and kissed Emma hard, pulling the blonde to her feet and then lying back on the bed with Emma on top of her. They rolled so they were both lying on their sides, legs intertwines as their tongues caressed. Regina could feel her dick pressed against Emma's bare stomach where her pyjama top had ridden up and knew this last time together with her 'spare appendage' was going to be the best ever. At least if she was getting it removed she would see it out with a bang, she mused as she felt Emma's hands running reverently over her silk-clad body.
Soon the feeling of Emma through her neglige wasn't enough and Regina wriggled away from the pouting blonde, pulling the slip up and over her head. She had never quite understood why people spent so much money on sexy clothing just to cast it aside as soon as things got hot and heavy but she couldn't deny she had felt very attractive in the silken material. Naked however, with Emma's eyes feasting hungrily on her exposed skin, she felt even sexier.
"You're so beautiful," Emma breathed, her hands tracing reverently over the smooth skin of Regina's stomach, hovering just above her pubis bone before tracing up to cup her breasts. "Regardless of what you think of this body, Gina, know that I think you're attractive."
"Thank you," Regina murmured, straddling Emma and beginning to pull the blonde's top up and over her head, revealing the pale breasts which she dropped her mouth to at once.
Kissing between them, she ran her tongue from one nipple to the other, circling each bud before returning to the valley between them and placing a final kiss in the centre.
"You're beautiful too, you know," she said with a smile.
Emma beamed up at her and pulled the brunette down so their mouths met. The kiss was slow, languid, an easy and practiced dance between their lips and tongues. Emma dominated at first, her tongue swirling through Regina's mouth and making the brunette almost light-headed with delight. But then she retreated, giving Regina the opportunity to take control. Which she did, nibbling on Emma's pale lip and laving away the pain with a swipe of her tongue. Emma moaned as she felt Regina's teeth capturing her lip once more and reached out to grasp the brunette's bare hips, grinding her own upwards in the process.
"Gina," she gasped as the older woman began to lay a trail of kisses along Emma's defined jaw until she reached her earlobe.
Regina's tongue traced the shell of her ear before dipping inside. A keening sigh escaped Emma, her core throbbing at the sensation of Regina's tongue, hot and wet, flickering over her sweet spot. She couldn't wait much longer to feel the rest of the brunette. In fact, she reached down herself and shucked her pyjama bottoms down her legs, spreading her thighs wider so Regina's body was cradled between them. At the feel of her penis pressed against the heat radiating from Emma's sex, Regina pulled back.
"Eager?" she asked with a grin.
"For you, always," Emma replied simply, kissing Regina once more before watching as the brunette slithered down her body.
Regina settled herself on her stomach between Emma's thighs, arms wrapped around the strong, muscular legs and her face mere inches from the glistening core. She regarded Emma's most intimate part for a moment, smiling slightly as she remembered that in a few short hours she too would have a clitoris, labia, a cervix, and a vagina. But she didn't want to dwell on those thoughts, happy as they were, and instead she lowered her mouth to Emma's waiting sex and trailed her tongue over the sensitive flesh.
The blonde's fingers gripped the sheets, her back arching at the contact as Regina licked again, nerve endings on fire. Regina too was enjoying herself. She loved the taste of her girlfriend and could feel her almost painfully hard erection pressing against her stomach as she lay before Emma. She ignored it though; there would be enough time for that later. Her tongue licked slow, confident strokes through the wet folds before at last she sealed her mouth around Emma's clit. She worried her tongue over the little bundle of nerves before sucking softly, Emma's cries of delight music to her ears. When she slid two fingers into the blonde's neglected entrance, her name bounced off the walls, Emma already teetering on the edge of orgasm. Regina didn't care that it was quick. They had all night to make each other come again and again. So she pumped harder, licked firmer, suckled faster, until Emma came with a cry, her fisted hands tugging the sheet from the corner of the bed as she exploded with pleasure. Regina licked slower, coaxing every last ounce of satisfaction from the blonde before she collapsed, exhausted and satiated.
When Regina crawled up Emma's body, she smiled down at her girlfriend, eyes closed and breathing ragged. Kissing her with come-covered lips, Regina gently brought Emma back to the present and when their eyes met once more, both smiled dopily at the other. Emma pulled Regina down so their bodies were pressed together, enjoying the feel of the older woman's body weighing down on her own. She had always liked that sensation, she realised as the kiss continued and her energy returned.
Rolling Regina onto her back, Emma began to make her own way down the brunette's body. She took her time, paying attention to each breast before worshiping the flat, toned planes of Regina's stomach until at last she reached her hips where the pointed juts of her bones rose delicately against the tanned skin. Laying kisses along each one, Emma continued to tease her girlfriend and instead of taking the throbbing penis inches from her face into her mouth, she instead set off down Regina's thigh, kisses peppering the skin as she went. Regina huffed in annoyance but knew Emma wouldn't leave her dissatisfied. She also knew that with Emma it was always worth the wait. She closed her eyes and focused on the sensation of Emma's lips trailing all over her skin, right down to her ankles before she switched to her other leg and began her ascent. When she finally returned to the apex of Regina's thighs, brown eyes opened just in time to see pale pink lips envelope the tip of her erection.
She knew she was in the wrong body. She knew she wanted to have the operation the next day. She knew she was going to love living as a true woman. But she couldn't deny that a part of her would miss the sensation of Emma's mouth on her dick. The hot wetness, the sucking sensation, the laving tongue. Everything was simply … exquisite. She bit her lip as she watched Emma bobbing her head, taking more and more of her long cock into her mouth every time until her nose almost touched Regina's pubis bone, the head of her penis reaching the back of Emma's throat and making her gag slightly. But she didn't care; not if it brought Regina pleasure. Which she knew it did as she could feel the blood pulsing beneath her tongue as it swirled around the erection. She began to work a little faster, her lips sliding closely up and down the hot, smooth skin.
"Emma, I'm close," Regina gasped as Emma's mouth moved faster and faster.
There was no reply from Emma who simply maintained her pace and wrapped her thumb and forefinger of her hand around the base of Regina's cock, squeezing slightly in a way she knew would heighten the pleasure when Regina eventually exploded. And it did. Regina let out a guttural moan as she ejaculated, her hot seed filling Emma's mouth as the blonde swallowed thickly, drinking down her girlfriend's salty liquid as fast as she could. When she had it all, Emma slowly pulled back, the softening penis falling from her mouth. She knew it would be hard again soon enough however, and she crawled up Regina's panting body and collapsed next to the brunette.
Regina rolled immediately onto her side and snuggled up against Emma, a contented sigh tumbling from her lips as she felt the blonde hug her back. She had never felt this blissfully happy, she decided. And not just because of the mind-blowing orgasm. But because she was finally going to become who she was always meant to be, and most importantly she wasn't going to be doing it alone. Emma was going to be by her side every step of the way. She murmured her thanks and her love for the woman in her arms, receiving assurances that she was welcome and that she was loved back and the two of them drifted off for a while.
It wasn't long before Emma awoke again however, still needing more despite the amazing orgasm she had already experienced. If this was to be her last night with Regina's 'spare appendage' she knew there was one more thing they needed to do. Once roused from her doze, Regina too remembered what was coming next, and for the final time. She kissed Emma back and then rolled her over so she sat astride the blonde, keen to dominate this part of the night. Her penis was already semi-hard between her legs and as she felt Emma's wet core sliding slickly against it, it hardened even more.
Emma was the one who reached for the box of condoms for the last time, the pair of them sheathing the now erect penis together. Emma's fingers trailed over the latex and then up the rest of Regina's body, hand curling around her neck and pulling Regina down to her.
"I love you," Emma murmured as she kissed Regina.
Regina repeated the sentiment just as she slid herself into Emma's core. They moaned in unison as Emma's body parted to welcome Regina's, reaching deep inside until she finally stopped, their pelvises touching. Emma gasped at the feeling of Regina so deep inside her - it never failed to turn her on when she felt her body being penetrated and filled by another person, especially when that person was Regina, looking down at her with such passion and affection and love that it was almost frightening. But then she began to move.
Despite their earlier activities, both women were already close to achieving their pleasure. Regina set up a steady rhythm, sliding easily through Emma's wetness. The blonde herself bent her knees, opening her core up more and allowing Regina to reach even deeper. She gasped as the tip of Regina's dick hit her sweet spot, buried far inside her and bit her lip, wanting to hold out just a little bit longer.
And then Regina was pulling out, gesturing for Emma to turn over. Confused but complying at once, Emma rolled onto her stomach and then felt Regina encouraging her onto her hands and knees. Looking over her shoulder at the woman now kneeling behind her, Emma raised an eyebrow.
"Is this ok?" the brunette said, slightly hesitant as she saw Emma's face.
"Fuck, yeah," Emma breathed out. "I just didn't think you'd want to … try this position."
"Too masculine?" Regina asked, her hands now palming each of Emma's ass cheeks.
"Perhaps," Emma admitted. "But I'm more than happy to continue if you are."
"Oh, I'm happy," Regina said as she lined up her penis with Emma's entrance once more and slid in again.
Emma cried out as she felt Regina bury herself to the hilt inside her. She had always loved being taken from behind, knowing her lovers could penetrate even deeper and at a more intense angle in such a position. It was a shame she couldn't see Regina's face but when the brunette began to pump, Emma's eyes closed with delight anyway so it didn't even matter. The rhythm was fast right from the start, skin slapping against skin as Regina thrust in and out, in and out. Emma's arms were shaking with the effort of holding herself up and eventually she collapsed onto her elbows, the pillow muffling her scream of pleasure as the angle changed and the sensations heightened. She could feel Regina sliding in and out of her, every ridge in the wall of her core being stimulated by the hard cock now slamming in and out of her at a punishing pace. Almost without thinking, she contracted her inner muscles just as she reached between her own legs and Regina's to cup the brunette's balls, squeezing softly.
Regina screamed, her body paralysed as she exploded within Emma. Buried deep inside the hot sex, she came and came and came, Emma's fingers milking her testicles as her core clenched around the hard dick within it. Emma shattered seconds later when Regina's fingers fumbled over her clit, pressing hard and tipping the blonde over the edge.
Collapsing onto the body below her, Regina landed on Emma and they both ended up in a tangle of sweaty, satisfied limbs. Emma craned her neck to kiss the cheek which had landed on the pillow next to her and then closed her eyes, content to be pleasantly squashed beneath Regina. After several minutes, the brunette gathered her strength and pushed herself upwards, reaching for her flaccid member and pulling out of Emma's relaxed core.
"Shit," she mumbled, sitting astride Emma's thighs.
"What?" Emma asked sleepily.
"The condom split," Regina replied. "I thought it felt a little different towards the end."
Somewhat awkwardly, Emma rolled over beneath Regina and looked down to where the tattered remains of the latex was dangling uselessly from Regina's dick.
"It's fine," Emma said with a yawn. "We're going to the hospital tomorrow, remember? I'll just grab the morning after pill there."
Regina nodded her agreement and climbed off the bed to dispose of the useless protection. By the time she returned, Emma was curled up under the covers, eyes closed once more. Regina slid in beside her and within seconds they were both asleep, thoughts of the following day gone from both their minds.
A/N: tomorrow's the operation! No, I won't be describing it but I will be following Emma's journey through the hours whilst she's waiting for Regina to return from surgery.
