'Sup. So, a factoid. The tongue slip in the last chapter was inspired by the fact that Saerenae and I often accidentally switch up Eli and Levi's names when in regular conversation. Also, AISHITERU, DAMNIT, AISHITERUUUUUU! Enjoy. -Scare
Just so you know! We're going to start uploading only once a week now (Thursday's). I apologize! I hope you enjoy -Saerenae
* Kelis Nilifer *
I crossed my arms and pursed my lips as I walked next to Eli. What the hell was wrong with Levi? I couldn't figure it out, and that made me even more flustered. "What's wrong with him?" I vented aloud.
"He's jealous, of course. Also, strong for his size," Eli laughed sheepishly.
"Again, I'm so sorry that happened,"
"No worries... as long as I feel like I'm winning, I've still got my pride,"
"Winning?" I echoed curiously.
"Right..." Eli stopped walking and looked into my eyes with a captivating intensity. "I don't mean this to sound demeaning or degrading, but... Commander Levi and I are in a battle right now, with you being the prize for the victor... metaphorically speaking on my part, not so much on his. For him, I think it's a real battle. Danger... I'm in actual physical danger..."
"But why?" I asked helplessly. "I don't understand why Levi would..."
"Why he doesn't want me getting closer to you?" Eli raised his eyebrows. "You seriously don't get it...?" I shook my head and stared back at him, waiting for him to elucidate some kind of truth to me. "Well... I don't really want to tell you anyways," he shrugged, a slight smile playing on his lips.
"Wha... why? Hey," I pushed him gently when he just grinned at me.
"You know, I was glad when you asked to see me today. Usually it's me making the first moves, but this time was different,"
"What do you mean by that? First moves,"
"Holding hands, kissing... I initiate that kind of stuff with you, usually. I like it when you do too," he winked at me. "Hint, hint,"
"Y-you know know that you've brought it up, I'd be too nervous to do anything," I stammered, turning my face to hide an embarrassed blush.
"Maybe, for now," Eli laughed.
We continued on in companionable silence, but all the while my thoughts were consumed with Levi. Why he did the things he did, why didn't I understand, why... Why was I thinking only of him while I was with Eli? That was inappropriate, and wrong.
"Eli," I stopped walking.
"Yeah?" He turned to face me, then blinked at the uncertain expression I had felt settle in my features.
"It's because, at least a little bit, towards me... he..." I gazed up at him, imploring. "That's it, isn't it?"
It took him a while to answer. "... Yeah. That's what I believe, at least,"
"Oh." It didn't make me feel happy, nor was I upset at the idea. Just... confused. But even I, in all of my naivete, was aware enough to recognize that the slightest possibility of Levi having feelings for me made me doubt things, and that was very significant in itself.
It meant that I had never even stopped loving him, which in turn meant that I had been leading Eli on this entire time.
I had to make it right.
"Eli," I spoke slowly, but couldn't find it in me to regret the words coming out of my mouth. "I can't see you anymore,"
His eyes widened with surprise, but all he said was "Oh."
"Levi... never gave me an answer outright. We've fought viciously before, but there have also been very good times too... I keep clinging on to those good times as hope. So... until I hear him say, "I will never love you"... no matter how much that would hurt, I need to hear it before moving on. I... I'm sorry for toying with you like this."
"Kelis," Eli sighed. "Seriously, it's fine. In my mind, I still have a chance. I'm not necessarily a good person myself, because that selfish part of me wants you to get hurt like that so I can still be with you. So, we're both kind of messy in our own ways. No big deal. We're only human. Until then..." he sighed again, then smiled. "Friends," he extended his hand.
"Eli..." I took his hand and shook it. "Thank y-" I was interrupted when he pulled on my arm and pressed his lips to mine. "Er..." I covered my mouth with my hand when he backed away a second later, feeling my face heat up despite myself.
Eli laughed. "A friend who is constantly trying to woo you,"
"Geez..." I grumbled, still unable to be even the slightest bit irritated with him.
"Soooo," he grinned playfully. "Want me to walk you home?"
"Sure," We made small talk on the way back, but there was an inevitable bit of new distance between us, Eli putting his hands in his pockets the whole time and me not knowing what to do with my hands.
"You have a good night, Kelis," I was happy to see that his smile was still sincere.
"You too," I waved before slipping inside. The day hadn't gone at all as planned, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. "Hello? I'm back," I called, heading to my room. The door almost hit me in the face when Jean leaped out of the room like a valiant steed, slamming the aperture shut behind him.
"Don't go in there!" He yelled, looking slightly terrified.
"Why not? Is everything okay?" I queried, made even more concerned by his manner.
"Yes. No! Uh... You've got blood on your shirt, are you okay?" He switched the subject, frowning with his own concern present now. And it wasn't even a lot of blood... he was observant in his own way.
"Yeah... I just wanted to grab some new clothes for a bath,"
"Okay, I'll get you some. Give me five seconds,"
"But-" the door slammed in my face again. He had never told me what was wrong in there... He came out with a small bundle.
"Here you go. Make sure you knock before coming back in, okay? It's a real mess," and with that I was left for the final time.
Uhhhhh... what?
I shook it off and went to spoil myself with a long warm bath. Eli had requested that we try to get some more information out of Karl Petersen, but I had ended up disregarding that. Should I go back tomorrow and question him again? Wait... What was Levi doing right now?
Knowing him, he'd probably thought of what had just occurred to me long ago and had gone back in to question Petersen himself. I knew in my gut that that's what had happened. I had left that burden on his shoulders…
With that I hastened myself finishing getting cleaned up and only took the time to hurl my dirty clothes into the laundry room before heading upstairs. No noise was coming from the piano room, so I went straight to Levi's door, finding myself strangely hesitant once there. I stood with my fist raised for a few moments before knocking firmly three times. "Levi? Are you back?"
"Huh... yeah. What do you want?" He sounded groggy.
"To talk. Can I come in?"
There was a silence, and I considered that he might be ignoring me. I guess I wouldn't blame him... then again, it would still make me mad. "Sure," he finally said, and I slipped in to find him laying in bed (fully clothed, thank goodness) and staring at the ceiling.
"Hi," I sat on the edge of the bed.
"Again, what do you want?" Apparently he wasn't in the mood for small talk.
"You... went back to Petersen to get more useful information out of him, didn't you?" I folded my hands in my lap and focused on them.
"Yeah," he sounded so tired... "How did you know?"
"It just sounded like what you would do next. Logically, I mean... you know."
"Hmm," he grunted vaguely, rubbing at his eyes.
"Were you asleep?"
"I was waiting for the bath and almost dozed off. It doesn't matter. Petersen told me that the Wallists are being led by a woman who calls herself the Angel of Mercy... sounds like one haughty bitch to me, but he seemed pretty awestruck,"
"Angel of Mercy..." I echoed. "It makes sense, in a weird way,"
"How so?"
"By attaching some sort of idea of divinity to the purpose, it makes it seem more like the Wallists are in the right, doesn't it? At least, in their twisted minds it does,"
"Fucking twisted is right... Apparently they killed Erwin as a sort of human sacrifice idea they have. They think that killing all of the scouts and the supporters of tearing the walls down will appease whatever gods they believe in,"
"Killing everyone...?" I shivered.
"Yeah. Anyways, that's all the bastard told me,"
"Okay. Listen, I'm sorry for making you do that alone,"
"You didn't make me do shit. I do what I fucking want," he scowled.
"Right, right," I chuckled. "Okay... Well, the bath is open now," Was there a way for me to make it up to him?
"How was your date?" Levi asked abruptly.
"Oh." I forced myself not to read anything in to the question. Only he truly knew how he felt. In actuality, my certainty was zero. Still, I was willing to bet on it. Go time! "Actually, I...broke it off, to be blunt,"
Again, there was a silence. "... Why?"
I felt my heart in my throat. But, I would need to keep being blunt, wouldn't I? "Well, because I, because... I'm in love with you,"
"What?" He sat up, staring at me. "The fuck are you saying that for?"
"Because it's true. I said before that I didn't really know what love was, but I think part of it is in that I never want to leave your side, the face that your happiness, your life is so important to me. That level of understanding is enough for me. I. Love. You," Well, now no one could say that I hadn't been clear about it…
I looked into his eyes with no expectation, simply awaiting his reply, whichever direction it took. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find the right words. Perhaps trying to find the kindest form of rejection? Yes, I was scared of that, but... the choice was ultimately his now. My cards were on the table.
"Shit, why?" He finally demanded. "Why me?"
"Well..." I tilted my head, thinking about it. "After the expedition... after Petra and the others died... I saw you cutting Petra's wings of freedom symbol off of her jacket as a memento, like the rest of the ones in the office. Then, after that one scout brought the titans coming after us trying to bring the bodies of his friends back, you gave away Petra's patch to that man. That's where it started," I watched as he registered all of those memories as I spoke. "You've got a wonderful heart, really, Levi. I love that heart, so there, that's why." I cleared my throat before reaching out and resting my palm against his chest. "Thats why I love you."
