Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Thanks to TwiDi for beta'ing this. Love ya big time bb!
AN: Sorry it has been so long RL is pretty sucky right now, I'm not going to get into it here, but the explanation is on my profile page for those who want to know.
For those who need a reminder (and are still reading this): Bella found out about Charlie and Renee's past together and that Tanya is Renee's younger half sister. Bella has also been in therapy and is working towards healing.
Without further ado...
Bella's POV
I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling, Noel cuddling beside me. I don't really know what to focus on. Tanya being my aunt is the least of my worries right now. Renee used me to hurt Charlie; and that makes me so mad. He's done nothing to deserve it, yet she used him from the start. The same as she used me.
All the torture and all the pain - that Renee had inflected upon me - was because she knew that once Charlie found out, it would hurt him. She always planned for him to know, I can feel it. Her words… the way she told me that she didn't know who my father was and that my father wouldn't want me anyways were just ways to try and make me doubt Charlie Swan when she finally handed me over.
She destroyed me so she could destroy him.
Ugh! I don't want to think about her or the time I'd lived with her.
The loud thudding of Emmett running down the stairs makes me smile for a moment. When I lived with Renee, I worried every time I heard a sound. I feared that she was coming for me, that she was going to act on her threats. Towards the end, I wondered if I would get away from her alive. Since coming here, I've found my reactions to sounds being the complete opposite. The noises I can hear coming from downstairs are comforting. They let me know that I'm not alone and that they are there. My body is able to relax and I feel safe.
If only I could shut off the thoughts that are racing through my mind. Questions keep coming but the main one is; could it be true that Charlie Swan had wanted me? That he had loved me? Loves me still? For once in my life, am I not a burden? Am I actually wanted?
My cell goes off startling me. I look and can't hold back my smile. Like some sixth sense tells him that I need him, he always seems to know when to call. He can always help me put things into perspective and make me feel safe.
"Hello?" I greet.
"Hey, baby. How are you?" Edward asks gently.
"Confused," I answer honestly.
"Why?" He asks bewildered.
"Umm… it's a long story," I warn him.
"For you, I have all the time in the world," he assures me in his comforting and smoothing voice.
"Da— Charlie came back from the station; and told us how he met Renee. And that Tanya is Renee's sister." He expels a breath.
"Tanya is your Aunt?" He groans after saying that, like he's in pain.
"I umm… yeah, I guess," it's not something I really want to admit to myself.
"That's just… wow, did not see that one coming," he rambles.
"Would you…" I trail off, not sure I can ask this of him.
"Would I what, Bella?" He asks softly.
"Would you come get me, I just want out for a bit. It feels like the walls are closing in on me. It's fine to say 'no', I mean, don't feel pressured." I stop talking at his chuckle.
"I'll be there in twenty. And, baby, you know that I'm here for you, don't you ever worry about asking something of me." After saying 'goodbye', I change my shirt for something a little less wrinkled and slip sneakers on before going downstairs.
"Charlie?" I call softly.
"Hey, Bells, in here," he replies from the kitchen. Walking in, I find that he and Emmett are playing some card game and drinking root beers.
"Hey, hun," he smiles in greeting, his eyes look worried though.
"Hey, Bells, want us to deal you in?" Emmett asks.
"No, thank you. Umm… I hope it's ok, Edward is coming over to get me, we're going for a drive."
"Sure, kiddo, just be home by eleven. And keep your cell on, in case I need to get in touch."
"Thank you." I smile. The knock on the front door causes my smile to widen as I rush, almost falling down in my hurry to greet Edward.
"Hey, baby," he pulls me into his arms for a warm kiss on my lips.
"Hi." I reply, slightly breathless from the kissing.
"Are you ready?" I nod in agreement.
We walk out to his Volvo hand in hand. He brushes his thumb against my exposed fingers, sending little chills up my spine. When we get to the car, he opens the passenger side door for me and I slide in. Edward is always so considerate, opening doors is just one of the many sweet things he does for me.
"So, where to?" He asks with a smile.
"I don't know. You pick." I smile back. Being here with him has already begun to make me feel lighter.
"Alright, I'll pick." He agrees and puts the car in reverse to pull out of the driveway. "So, it's been a pretty crappy day, huh?"
"Confusing more than crappy," I say in response.
"Confusing how, baby?"
"Charlie told Emmett and I about how he met Renee and how she had wormed her way into his life. From what he told us, Renee used me as a way to 'punish' Charlie for not being what she wanted him to be. I guess, she wanted him to marry her or something. I don't know." I shrug my shoulders.
"So, how did she get involved with Charlie?" He asks; and as he drives I fill him in on Renee being a nanny for Charlie and using his grief to make him become dependent on her. As I'm getting to the end of the shortened version of those events, he slows the car and turns into a driveway. "I hope this is ok, it's a rental property that we have, the tenants just moved out, so I thought we could talk in peace here."
"It's fine." I assure him. We walk up to the smallish one story home and Edward unlocks the door.
"It's a partially furnished rental and my parents keep the power on for security reasons; so we should be good." He says flipping on the switch. It's a cute little place really. You can definitely see Esme's influence here; many of the colors from her own home are here as well.
"It's nice." I tell him softly, as he leads me to the sofa.
"Yeah, I don't come here that often. Generally, someone is in it, but it is nice. It was actually my Mom's Grandmother's house growing up. My Grandma inherited it then left it to Mom who can't bear to part with it. So, that is why we still have it as a rental." Edward rambles on almost nervously, running his hand through his hair. A shiver goes up my spine and he must have noticed because his in his next breath he asks, "Fire?" pointing to the cute fireplace and stack of wood. I nod.
"Please, it's a little chilly." He kisses the top of my head and goes to start the fire. After it starts crackling to life, he plops back down beside me and pulls me to him. I curl gently into his side, enjoying the fresh clean scent that is Edward.
"Bella, I don't want to, but I feel like… uh… we should discuss the fact that I had a short relationship with Tanya and that I did… well..." he looks at me then mumbles out quickly, "she and I had relations."
"I know that you dated, when we met her at the fair, she made that clear," I sigh, "do you…" I'm not sure how to ask him if he has feelings for her still, without seeming like I'm accusing him of something.
"Do I?" He turns me to face him.
"Do you still…" I just can't get it out of my mouth, "you know; maybe have…" I keep trailing off and thankfully he takes pity on me.
"Do I still care about her?" I nod, "no, I'm not sure I ever did really care about her. She pursued me. We dated, we became intimate and then she tried to bring something into our relationship that I was uncomfortable with. When she forced it on me, I called the relationship quits. Tanya doesn't take 'no' very well; and believes that I will come back to her. I won't. I don't love her, I don't like her. I'm a little scared of her level of insanity, but other than that I feel nothing for her." He tells me seriously.
"Umm… what did she do?"
"Have you ever heard of BDSM?" I shake my head in the negative, "ok well, it basically stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism. It's a type of lifestyle where the couples and sometimes they have other people join in to do role playing or scenes. Tanya was into it, I'm not. It's what most people call the really kinky stuff. Whips, floggers, lots of leather and handcuffs." He groans looking almost like he was going to throw up.
"While I have nothing against the lifestyle, it's just not something I'm into. Call me old-fashioned, but that's just me. Tanya couldn't grasp that; and one day handcuffed me down while we were having sex. While I wouldn't call it rape, I also wouldn't say it was completely consensual."
"Umm… I think Emmett must be into that BDSM stuff." I whisper blushing.
"Why?" He asks, while his eyes widen with interest.
"He has handcuffs between his mattress and bedsprings. I found them while I was cleaning one day." I giggle a little remembering my confusion over why my older brother had handcuffs.
"Bella, a lot of couples use handcuffs that aren't into BDSM. It can be used to just have a little extra something, just goofing around between couples. I don't want to go into details, because it's not something I like to think about. However, that afternoon with Tanya was more than just handcuffs. I could have handled that."
"Oh…" sometimes I feel so naïve about sex and this 'couple' stuff. Google only gives me so much without taking me to porn sites. And I just don't think I'm ready for the porno stuff yet.
"Bella, when - and please note that I did say when, because we live in a small town - this news about Tanya being your Aunt gets out, people are probably going to crack jokes and say stupid shit. It's not going to be easy. And, God, I wish I could protect you from that. The only way I can think to do that is by us breaking up, then there wouldn't be anything to joke about." I jerk away and look up at him.
"You're breaking up with me?" I can't help my shocked yell/question that flies from my mouth.
"No!" He shouts putting his hands on either side of my face. "Oh, no, baby. While that is something that would protect you, I'd be miserable without you at my side. I'm too selfish to walk away. Bella you are my life now." He whispers the last words before placing his lips on mine.
Our kiss starts out soft. He gently applies pressure and I mimic him. Slowly, he moves his hands from my face, one wrapping around the back of my neck, supporting me, the other landing about two inches above my butt. I link my fingers behind his neck, pulling him as close as I can. He doesn't resist and our once sweet kiss quickly turns heated. Tongues meet, teeth clink and suction is amplified. I feel the now familiar sensation of my nipples growing harder.
As Edward pulls me to sit on his lap, my legs move on either side of his, I can feel heat between my legs. I can also feel the damp that his kiss and touch causes. There are tingles and a need I'm not sure that it's time to fill it though. Kisses and light touches are one thing, but I don't know how much further I'm ready to go. I whimper a little when his lips meet my neck. His hands are both on my butt now; he seems to really like kneading my butt cheeks. I dig my nails a little into his neck, still clinging for dear life.
"Oh God, Bella," he mumbles into my neck, his tongue tracing a line then his lips kissing up it. My hips involuntarily buck into him. I gasp and look into his eyes. Edward's little Edward was very hard. Very hard.
"Umm…" I can't help the nervousness that takes over. I bite my bottom lip and gaze into his glazed over green eyes. He gives me a wink and a crooked smile. I giggle and smack a kiss on his lips.
~0~
The ride back home, I hold Edward's hand when he's not shifting gears. He's talking about Christmas like an excited little boy. He jokes that Esme still makes them write Santa letters to take to Macy's to mail to Santa. It's for charity though, a fun silly way to give back. Last year, Edward and Alice hired a guy to dress as Santa and show up at the door on Christmas Eve with a bunch of letters asking if they didn't think they were a little old for writing him. Carlisle had gotten a kick out of it. From what he said, Esme not so much. So, this year Edward has to dress up like Santa and Alice as an elf to give out gifts to the sick kids spending Christmas at the hospital. I offered to help them and he smiled telling me I could play Mrs. Claus.
The fun silly talk stopped when we reached the house. Edward grew quiet and stared ahead. "It doesn't matter," he says out of the blue, "Tanya's niece or not, you are still my girl. I adore you, Bella, and Charlie could be Charles Manson and I'd still adore you. Yeah, we might have issues that will need to be worked out in the future, but we can work them out together." I can't help my smile.
"I kinda adore you too." I tell him.
"Good," he cracks a huge smile then I notice him turn to look at the house, "I'd better walk you in, Charlie is peaking through the blinds."
"Ok," I agree.
We say 'goodbye' with another kiss, on the doorstep, and a promise to call me in the morning. I wave and watch him back away. Silly as it might seem, I miss him already. With Edward, I don't think I could ever get sick of having him around. In fact, the more time I spend with him, the more I crave to be around him.
"Hey, Bella, come here for a minute, sweetheart." Charlie calls as I come in the house.
"I'm not late, am I?" I ask looking at the clock that shows I am actually ten minutes early. Ten minutes that I could have spent with Edward and his lips.
"No. No, baby girl, you are on time. And you're not in any kind of trouble at all." He assures me. I take a seat on the sofa. Charlie, of course, is taking up residence in his favorite chair. "Liz called. She heard what happened today and was worried. I know it's the weekend, but she is coming to the house tomorrow. She wants to have a session with us all, Emmett included. I hope that it's ok I told her to come on over?"
"Yeah, I mean, sure. I guess." I can feel my earlier worry flood back in.
"Bells, you've been through a lot and we've all had a bomb shell dropped on us. I think Liz is just being proactive and making sure that things are really ok before any of us have time to burry any worries and cause more problems down the line. If that makes sense at all." He rambles a little, his mustache twitching the more nervous he gets about my reaction. I've noticed that before, that when Charlie is nervous his mustache twitches.
"It's fine, Da— Charlie." I assure him.
"Good," he breathes out a sigh of relief, "I just didn't want to overstep…" he trails off and I give him a small smile.
"Liz always says that it's better be safe rather than sorry. That is what the both of you are doing."
"Because we care about you, Bella. You're my baby girl. I'm at a loss of what to do or say here to fix things. I wish it was as simple as buying you ice cream and telling you 'I love you'. I'm good at dolling out food and love; it always fixed Em's woes. But we are getting there one step at a time, sweetheart." I stand up shocking him by reaching my arms around him for a hug.
"I could go for the ice cream too." I say into his ear. In my own way, the only way I can really get out right now I'm letting Charlie Swan know that I do love him.
~0~
Liz and Emmett are having a standoff. He's asking her all these questions about college and where she did her residency. I guess he googled psychology or something and as he told her was trying to make sure I was getting the best his Dad's insurance could buy.
"Emmett, I assure you that UCLA School of Psychiatric Medicine is highly accredited and thought of in the Medical Community. I did my 'residency'…" yeah, she used air quotes, "… on the psych ward of Seattle Memorial. I also spent five years working at a battered women's shelter where I helped women and children recover from abuse trauma." He gives her a warm hand shake.
"Alright then," he grins, "just no 'Freud stuff', I read where he was discredited and was a weirdo with Mommy issues." She laughs and nods.
"Agreed," Liz looks at me with a kind smile, "Bella, how about we talk alone first and then bring your father and brother in?" I smile back and nod.
"Emmett and I can go upstairs until you're ready for us?" Charlie offers.
"Sounds good. Thank you, Chief."
"Please, Liz, call me Charlie." Liz's smile softens a little bit more and her eyes kind of glaze a bit.
"Thank you, Charlie, and of course, Emmett," Emmett just chuckles and starts to head for the stairs.
"Come on, old man, I'll teach you how to play poker online."
"Hey, cut it out with the 'old boy', I know where you sleep at night." They both laugh and soon disappear up the stairwell.
"Bella, Dr. Cullen and your father filled me in on what happened. And the news that Tanya is your Aunt. I've also spoken to Charlie about his past with Renee. Now, I'd like to know how you feel about these revelations?"
"Well, umm… I feel bad for Charlie. I feel bad for everyone really. My being here has put a lot of stress on them. They took me in without any questions; and all I did was cost them money and brought Renee back into their lives. I'm a burden that they didn't ask for."
"Bella, does your Father make you feel like a burden? Does your brother?"
"No," I almost whisper.
"How do they make you feel, Bella?" She asks me kindly.
"They make me feel like they want me. They make me feel like they want to help me and be there for me. But…" I trail off, not sure how to say the rest, without seeming like what I just said is a lie.
"But what, Bella? You know this is a safe, that what we share is between us unless you want it to go further." She reminds me.
"But… but, there is this part of me that wonders if they are just playing with me, umm… Renee used to go through periods where she was nice to me, made me feel like she was sorry for being so mean. Then she would laugh at me and be ten times worse than before. I'm just worried that they are only pretending." I bite my bottom lip out of habit and feel guilty for thinking like that. For even comparing them to Renee.
"Bella, after Renee, it is perfectly understandable that you would feel this way. You're questioning the good because - Renee - for so long had made you feel like there was only bad. You've been let down so much by the person you should be able to trust over everyone else, the woman whom gave you life. So, your subconscious is always wondering when the other shoe is going to fall. Because if Renee didn't love you and didn't take care of you, then who else will? We've discussed this before, remember what I said?" I nod, "tell me then."
"That Renee is the one who wasn't able to love, that I'm lovable and worthy of having people care about me and that I deserve happiness."
"Right," She claps her hands together gently and smiles, "Renee is the one who is losing out because she wasn't able to see the wonderful girl that is sitting in front of me, because she was too wrapped up in her own issues and self. Your Father, though, he sees you. Your brother sees you too." She pauses for a moment. "Let's talk about Tanya for a minute. How do you feel about what she has done to you and the fact that she is your Mother's half-sister?"
"It's weird. I feel like I should be more upset about it than I am. It's like, I know who she is now and she's done so many bad things to me, but it's like…"
"Like?"
"Like… I'm on the outside looking in on it. Like, I'm not really part of it, even though I am. If that makes sense?"
"You've disassociated yourself from it basically. It's common in abuse survivors, especially when the abuser is involved. Renee was put away and you should have been safe, then Tanya - who is so tied to Renee - was able to get to you. Remember when you told me what you would do when Renee hit you, or played her torture games? You stepped outside of yourself so that it could no longer get to you. Going to your happy place, of sorts. I think that is what is going on now. You've distanced yourself in the same manner to avoid the hurt."
"I never did anything to either of them, I just don't understand." A tear slips down my face. She's right, I didn't want to go there because then I'd have to face the fact that another person who is related to me hates me and wants to hurt me.
"Tanya is a disturbed young woman, Bella. I can't talk about other clients you know this… however, I will tell you that I am treating a couple of students from your school who have been bullied by Tanya. You are not the only person she has gone after. With you, she was more aggressive because of Renee."
"And Edward." I say softly.
"Edward?"
"He dated her in the past."
"Ahh! So, it probably added fuel to her fire. Does it bother you that Edward dated Tanya?"
"No, not really. I mean, it was before I even lived in Forks. He told me about it, we had an open honest conversation, so, I don't think he's hiding anything like feelings for her. It's not like we knew before hand that she and I were related." I say firmly.
"Good. I agree, just be honest and open with Edward. If it is anything, I actually know a woman who married her sister's high school sweetheart. It's a long story but they all are happy and get along well. Life happens and love happens not always as it would be expected or how we would wish, but sometimes the craziest or most unorthodox of situations can end with the best surprises."
"Like a rainbow after the storm." I say with a smile, the two of us have had this discussion before. Not about Tanya, but how the bad or less than perfect can lead us to the great stuff.
"Exactly!" She takes a breath then nods her head towards the stairs, "how about we invite them back down here to talk with us? I'd like to focus on Renee's past with your father and I think that the two of them should be involved with this part."
"Ok," I walk up the stairs and knock on Emmett's door.
"Yeah?" Emmett yells through the door, then opens it with a huge grin on his face.
"You both can come down now."
"Cool. I think the old man needs a break from getting his ass kicked." He points to where Charlie is scowling at the computer screen, a game of poker pulled up in front of him.
"The computer cheats." Charlie claims closing out the browser. "You ok?" He asks me and I nod in the affirmative. They follow me back downstairs where we all take a seat. Liz pulls out her trusty legal pad that she always has around her somewhere.
"Alright, I have some notes on what happened in the past with Renee and I just wanted to go over a few things with all of you." We nod in unison. Huh, maybe it's a genetic nod.
"That's fine." Charlie assures her.
"From my understanding, Renee used your vulnerability and depression to maneuver her way into your life and the bi-product of that is Bella, who she has used to cause you pain over the years, am I right?"
"Yeah, it was a bad time in my life when I met Renee and then she took my baby girl away and continued to use her to hurt me."
"I'm sorry." I whisper.
"What?" Charlie turns his head to look at me after I say this.
"Bella, what are you sorry for?" Liz asks.
"I'm sorry that I hurt you."
"Bella, you didn't hurt me. Renee did. She hurt you too. You… Hell Emmett and myself as well were all pawns in Renee's sick demented game. She used Em when he was a baby to get close to me. Do I blame him for that? No, sweetheart, because she is the one who was to blame, he was just an innocent baby that needed a baby sitter. You were just an innocent child that never asked for, wanted or deserved the crap she pulled on you or with you."
"He's right, Bella. Renee is the guilty party. That's why she is in jail. Hell, if we wanted to play the blame game we could find ways for us all to be guilty somehow I'm sure. The bad guy is Renee and now, Tanya, and probably that Jean woman too. You, Dad and I? We're a family, baby sis, we love each other, unconditionally. The three wicked bitches can go to hell, because they will never be happy, they will always be miserable and mean because they will never know and never have that unconditional love that we do."
"That was profound, Emmett." Liz says with a smile.
"You love me?"
"Haven't we've said that before, Bella?" Charlie says with his own smile.
"Yes." I blush, "I umm… you know, love you both too." Emmett jumps up and pulls me into a hug, Charlie wraps his arms around us as well.
"Good, good I think we've made a lot of progress today, Swan family," Liz exclaims, "now if you need me, call my cell, you have the number. For now, I'm going to go and let the three of you spend time as a family." Charlie pulls out of our hug first to walk Liz to the door.
"Hey, Bells, how about we get some pizza, maybe play some cards or a board game, you know like a family night thing?"
"Ok… Em." I giggle when he lights up.
"Can an old man join you?"
"Wouldn't be the same without you and that pornstash of yours." Emmett laughs as he claps Charlie on the shoulder.
"Please, Da— Charlie." I say letting him know I want him to join us too.
"Good, I'll even spring for the pizza and toss in some breadsticks." He puts a hand on my shoulder and looks me in the eyes. "Bella, sweet girl, you can call me Charlie, you can call me Dad or Daddy, whatever makes you comfortable. I'm your Dad as much as I am Emmett's Dad. Remember that, ok?"
"Thank you." Impulsively I hug him. Liz was right, Tanya and Renee's evil plot ended in a happy 'good' for me and my family. My family.
AN2: So Bella is growing and healing. I know it is about time! A lot of you were worried about Edward's reaction and honestly I never planned for him to react badly. I guess I didn't see the squeak nasty factor (I have an aunt who is only 6 months older than me and we went to high school together, she is married to a guy I dated for 2 weeks lol) as much as all of you as much as I saw Tanya as the catalyst for Bella and the gang to bond further and fr Bella to realize how much Charlie loves her.
I've done a couple of interviews lately, I have direct links to them on my blog dontrunffw(dot)blogspot(dot)com and I'd like to thank the Peas & Carrots blog, the Wayward Pushers blog and The Southern Fan Fiction Review for having me :0)
Some recs for those who like them, feel free to send me your recs too! I love a good Edward and Bella love story :0)
Highways and Broken Hearts (it's complete!) /s/5873111/1/
Modern Bandits and Neglected Dreamers /s/5732142/1/
Dark alleys and other love stories (It's almost finished just the epi to go) /s/6251462/1/
Days Like This /s/6220974/1/
