Sorry for the delay! I'm Greek (sorority-affiliated in this sense) at a very Greek school in the south and springtime means LOTS of philanthropy events. Emphasis on the LOTS part. One of the events was something I organized and I promise you that if I see another pancake ever again it will be too soon. But thank you for all of your comments and reviews! I love reading them all and they always make me smile!
I've been working on this update for quite a while now. I couldn't get it the way I wanted. I wanted it to be a heartfelt tearjerker between brother and sister and yet it never quite came out that way. Just when I was considering scrapping the entire thing and starting over, I realized that this is more like Alice and Edward - she calls him out, he argues before admitting she's right. Between Alice's future insight and Edward's mind reading ability, the two of them have a bond a lot different then the bonds between the rest of the characters. I think this shows that but I'd love to hear what YOU think of it as it's your opinion that matters!
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters. I'm merely a fan that watches the Twilight DVD far too much.
Alice's POV
I smirked at the image flashing before my eyes of Edward sitting on our front porch, playing a game of Go Fish with Emmett after swearing he wouldn't cheat. Of course, Edward was still cheating, just going about it in a way that Emmett would never suspect by asking for a card he knew Emmett didn't have every once in a while.
What made me smirk though was the anxiety masked behind Edward's relaxed expression. He was putting on a good show for Emmett but I knew he anxiously awaiting my arrival home having spent the day working on an eloquent speech in his head that he would promptly forget the moment I stood in front of him.
Instead of going home though, I was following Bella - albeit slowly - to her house. I had decided last night to return to Forks High School today and Esme had accompanied me to school that morning to reenroll me. Edward claimed he didn't know when he was returning, if at all, but I saw him in school by the end of the week. I cringed a bit as I remembered the vision from last night. It wasn't going to be an easy task for him.
After what felt like forever, I stopped Jasper's Audi behind Bella's truck.
"You know," I stated, waiting for her by her truck door, "turtles can walk faster than your truck."
"My truck gets me where I'm going at a safe, rational speed," Bella retorted. I rolled my eyes and blamed her lack of a need for speed on being a cop's daughter.
"Can I help you with the lasagna your going to make for dinner?" I asked, linking arms with Bella as we walked to the house. Her warm arm mixed with my cold one made my dead heart skip with happiness. I had desperately missed my best friend.
"Sure," she answered, a smile tugging at her lips. I grinned too. She saw my abilities as amusing which I, in turn, found amusing. Bella dropped her bag in a kitchen chair. I stood aside and let her pull things from the refrigerator and cabinets, awaiting instruction.
"Um, if you really want to help - and you don't have to - take that big pot there and fill it not quite halfway with water," Bella directed. I eagerly did as I was told.
"You know, I don't get a lot of chances to do real human things," I said casually. "I can't remember the last time I cooked."
"Alice, you do 'real human things' all the time," Bella replied, a jar of sauce in one hand, a package of frozen hamburger in the other. I reached over and took the sauce from her hand. Otherwise, in about 7 seconds, she was going to drop it and tomato sauce would splatter across the kitchen.
"Was I going to drop that?" she asked suspiciously, setting to work on defrosting the burger. I put the pot on the stove and turned it on.
"Yes," I answered. "I figured I'd save you the trouble of cleaning tomato sauce from cabinets for the next half hour."
"Thanks," she replied.
I busied myself with watching the water boil, waiting for Bella to ask the question she was working up the courage to say out loud. I refrained from prompting her which was easier said than done.
"Alice?" she finally asked.
"Hmm?"
"Can I ask you something?" she hesitated.
"Anything," I assured her.
"Do you… Do you still see… I mean…"
She was fumbling to put her thoughts into words. I understood. Her question was hard and the answer bore a lot of weight.
"Do I still see you becoming - like us?" I asked gently. She bit her lip, looked down at the ground and nodded. I cracked a half smile.
"That is one vision that never changed," I confessed to her. "You know my visions are subjective, that decisions affect the outcome. The decision for you to be one of us has always remained steady."
She looked up at me then. I could see her confusion written plainly across her face.
"But if Edward…"
"He was always coming back Bella," I told her matter-of-factly. "Too many times he made the decision to return to you, sometimes going as far as gathering his things and starting towards the nearest airport before managing to convince himself to stay away. Those were the worst days for him. The day he admitted to us that he was thinking of going to Volterra hold nothing to the pain he felt on the days he was almost reunited with you."
I watched Bella try to digest what I had just told her. It was something I hadn't revealed to anyone else. It was something kept between Edward and I. It was Edward at his very lowest and while the family had thought they'd seen him down, I had been the one who had saw him out. It wasn't something easily forgotten though recent events had pushed it further back in my memory.
"I'm scared Alice," Bella confessed.
The water boiled but I ignored it.
"Of what?" I asked tentatively.
"Of losing it all again," she admitted. I saw tears forming in her eyes. I rushed to hug her.
"Bella, you're stuck with us," I informed her. "Whether you like it or not. 200 years from now, you'll be thinking up ways to get away from us." That got her to laugh a little.
"When?" she asked. She held her breath while she waited for an answer.
"I'm not sure," I confessed. "I know it's soon - soon as in the next few years. In my visions, you don't look much different than you do right now. It won't be tomorrow but it won't be a decade from now either."
She nodded, appeased it seemed.
"How's Jasper?" she asked. She passed me a box of noodles to add to the water.
"He's - better. Getting him out of the house for a few days helped. He needed to get away from the emotions, clear his head. Edward is in a better frame of mind now as is the rest of the family so it's easier for him to be home."
"I can only image how intense this has been for him, to feel the emotions from the family so strongly," Bella stated.
"Me either," I answered honestly. "I mean, I was there, offering him all the support I could, but I couldn't help him. I hate not being able to help people."
It was the truth too. I hated not being able to help Bella while she was hurting. I hated not being able to comfort Edward when his world shattered around him. I hated not having the right words or the right gesture to get through to Jasper. I hated watching my family falling apart around me and not being able to do anything for them.
"Things can only get better," Bella mentioned. I snorted.
"When did you become an optimist?" I asked her, only half joking.
"I have no idea," Bella mumbled. I chuckled under my breath before appraising her outfit.
"We're going shopping this weekend," I announced. Bella's eyes grew wide.
"No. No Alice, we are not…" I held up my hand to silence her.
"We are," I informed her. "Us, Esme and Rosalie. We need girl bonding time in light of everything that's happened recently." Bella opened her mouth to protest. I pulled out my trump card.
"Esme especially would love to spend the time with you. She didn't just lose her son, she lost her daughter too." Bella shut her mouth and the decision was made. We would be spending all of Saturday shopping - much to her dismay. She was going to have more fun then she thought she was though.
"Bells?" Charlie called. I heard him hanging up his gun belt in the hallway.
"In here!" Bella called. Charlie appeared in the doorway.
"Hi Charlie!" I greeted, spinning to look at him.
"Hi Alice," he replied, his mouth twitching up into a smile. "You staying for dinner?"
"No," I answered. "I promised Esme I'd be home in time to eat with the family. She's big on family time right now after everything that happened with my brother." It wasn't exactly a lie - Esme was definitely plotting ways to have us together as a family more often. She just hadn't put any of them into practice yet and they wouldn't involve dinner, save for food for Bella.
Charlie tried to hide the grimace on his face at the mention of Edward. Bella noticed and narrowed her eyes slightly.
"Dinner's not ready yet," she told him. "It'll be about 30 more minutes."
"Gives me enough time to call Billy…" With that, Charlie disappeared and moments later, we could hear his end of his conversation with Billy Black.
"I really should be going," I admitted. "Edward's been waiting on me all day." Bella raised an eyebrow.
"He wants to talk," I clarified. Bella nodded.
"Good luck," she said. I smiled and reached for a hug.
"We'll be fine," I told her. "Wear those dark washed jeans I complimented you on last week and that blue sweater Edward likes so much to school tomorrow."
She rolled her eyes.
"Always trying to dress me up," she muttered. I laughed and let myself out of the house. I kept to the speed limit until I was safely out of view of Charlie's house and neighbors before putting the Audi through it's paces. I'd have to thank Rosalie for her under the hood work on it.
Edward was still sitting on the front porch steps when our house came into view. They had abandoned Go Fish and were now engaged in some sort of epic battle on their Nintendo DSs. I was glad Jasper preferred model making over video games. Emmett was an outright addict and Edward, despite his protests, liked them almost as much.
Still want to talk? I thought. Edward looked up from his handheld and caught my eye through the car's windshield. He nodded.
Meet me in the garden in ten minutes.
I parked, went inside to say hello to Jasper and was waiting on my favorite bench in the garden when Edward came out the backdoor. He looked uncomfortable.
"I'm not going to attack," I stated. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow.
"You will," he promised. "You wouldn't be Alice if you didn't."
I grinned. He was right. He sat down next to me and rested his elbows on his knees. I crossed my legs under me and waited for him to gather his thoughts.
"How's Bella?" he asked.
"She's fine. She was finishing dinner when I left her," I told him. "She got a lot of looks at school. People wanted to ask both of us of questions - 'Where have you been Bella?,' 'Are all the Cullens back?' - but no one did."
"I'm going over there after we talk," he said. I rolled my eyes. Like I didn't know that.
"So where do you want to start?" I asked, reminding Edward of why we were there. He shrugged.
"I have no idea," he admitted. "I've come to realize that I never know how to start these conversations, even though I've now had several."
He didn't know what he wanted to say but I knew what I wanted him to hear.
"I'll start," I said, sitting up straighter. He nodded for me to continue.
"You're an idiot Edward Cullen," I announced. "A complete and total idiot. You never listen. You always do what you think is right without any regards to what anyone else tries to tell you. You overprotective, irrational and a complete drama queen. You jump to conclusions, you're self-centered and you are the biggest coward I have ever known."
Edward looked stunned at my speech, a sign he wasn't reading my mind but letting this come about as it may. I was grateful for that - his abilities could be a real pain in the ass sometimes, just like I knew mine could be. I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for him to say something.
"I deserved that," he finally said. I snorted.
"Among other things," I replied. He looked wounded.
"Yeah," he agreed quietly. I could tell he was beating himself up.
"But I also think you've suffered enough," I continued. "Being away from Bella, nearly dying… You've paid the price for your actions."
"I'm still paying," he said, running a hand through his already mussed hair before dropping his elbow back to his knee. "I think I will be for a long time."
"What makes you think that?" I asked. "Everyone has forgiven you on at least some level. Every day should be better than the last one for you."
"Jasper has forgiven me on some level?" Edward retorted.
"He's relieved you're here," I informed him. "Contrary to what you may believe, that means something to him. He doesn't detest you Edward, he just doesn't know what to say to you. And you don't have a clue as to what to say to him either."
Edward didn't respond, letting me know I'd hit the nail on the head.
"No one trusts me," he said instead. "Not Bella, not Esme, Carlisle, my brothers, my sisters. I hate that Alice. I hate it with almost the same passion that I hate Victoria or James or the wolves. I did that to myself and I hate it. I hate that Bella looks surprised when she wakes up in the morning and I'm next to her. I hate that Esme feels the need to have numerous 'family gatherings' to basically prove to herself that her family is together again. I hate that Emmett is completely overjoyed by something as simple as playing Mario Kart on Nintendo DSs with me."
I listened to Edward's rant.
"I forgot to mention earlier, you are also incredibly inpatient."
He glared at me.
"You are," I said again. "You seem to think - and don't bother arguing with me because what I'm about to say is true - that things should go back to how they were now that you've said a few 'I'm sorrys' to the people you've hurt."
"I don't think…" He argued anyways. I had tried to save him the breath once I'd seen the vision of his reaction.
"Oh Edward, shut up, please," I cut him off. If I couldn't save him his breath, I'd save me my time. "You do. You think Bella should fall back into your arms and that Esme and Carlisle should go back to letting you live your own life outside of us. It's not going to happen. Bella is still hurting and any self respecting woman is not going to throw herself back into the arms of the one who hurt her without questioning her sanity. Esme and Carlisle are going to be a little overprotective for a while, for a lack of a better turn. They're going to want to know where you are and want an idea about when you're going to be home. Esme is going to want to have family get togethers. You may as well accept those facts right now."
Edward sighed and again ran his hand through his hair. He absolutely abhorred being faced with the dirty truth.
"I hate being so out of control," he confessed.
"It's good for you," I quipped. We didn't speak for several minutes while Edward processed what I had just said. I took the opportunity to contemplate my fingernails and wondered how a shade of blue OPI polish I had seen in the drugstore yesterday would look.
"It would look ridiculous," Edward informed me.
"Like you know fashion," I retorted. I was going to buy it and paint my nails blue just for the hell of it now. He rolled his eyes, seeing my thoughts. Then I grinned. This was just like old times - just like before he left Bella. He too cracked a half grin.
"I missed this," he said. I nodded.
"Me too," I replied solemnly. Silence fell over us again.
"I'm sorry Alice," Edward's quite voice said. I glanced at him. He was still resting his elbows on his knees, starring intently at the grass between his feet. "I just… I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."
"Say you're not going to put this family through anything like this again," I told him, almost demanded. He shook his head.
"I couldn't if I wanted to," he confessed. "I couldn't do this to you again. To Esme, Bella. I don't know how I'm supposed to continue for the rest of eternity, knowing I've done this."
"You have us," I reminded him. "You have Bella. That's how you're supposed to continue for the rest of eternity. All of this will fade eventually." He cracked a smile at the mention of Bella.
"You told her she's going to be one of us, didn't you?" he asked. I nodded, knowing he'd already seen the memory in my head.
"She asked. I couldn't lie to her. We've done that enough."
Edward laced his fingers together then unlaced them.
"How will it happen?" he asked.
"I don't know for sure. It will be an accident of some sort. You know Bella."
"I won't be there to protect her," he mused, more to himself than me.
"You can't protect her from everything," I said gently. "That's what got you into this mess in the first place."
"I have to be the one to change her," he said in a firmer voice. "It has to be me."
"It will be," I assured him. And it would be. I could see how it would play out. Edward would be out hunting with Emmett and Jasper when whatever Bella's accident was happened. I would see it just before it occurred and call Edward. He would rush to her side, see the damage and know there was no chance of survival. He would bring her to Carlisle before administering his first bite.
I also understood why Edward needed it to be him that changed her. After everything they had been through, it needed to be his venom mixing and eventually overtaking her blood. He needed that connection - and so did Bella.
"I missed you Alice," he said again. "I know I put a lot of pressure on you, calling and asking you to lie for me, to come up with reasons for me not to speak to the rest of the family. But when I did call, I needed you."
I reached out and squeezed his arm.
"I know."
That was all I needed to say on that subject. It was a testament to how deep our relationship ran.
"Thank you," he said. "For taking my phone calls, lying for me, going to Bella even when I told you not to. I've been a sorry excuse for a brother and a friend and you've been nothing but a saint. So thank you."
"You're my brother," I said with a shrug of my shoulder.
"I love you Alice," he said. If I could have cried, I would have. I reached to hug him.
"I love you too," I told him. He squeezed me tightly.
"What did you mean earlier when you said I was a coward?" he asked when he pulled away.
"You keep everything bottled up," I replied. "Like with Bella. You worry constantly about her. You worry that she's not getting enough sleep, enough to eat. You worry that she's going to burn herself when she makes Charlie toast or that her truck is going to break down on a deserted road somewhere. You worry about the ways our vampirism could hurt her.
"Don't get me wrong, some of that makes sense - Bella trips over her own two feet on flat ground and the fact that we're vampires can't go ignored - but you take it upon yourself to make the decisions in your relationship, to shield her from things you think may scare her or harm her. You hate that you can't hear her thoughts and yet you can still read her like an open book. Well Edward, she can't read yours either and you certainly never confess any of your fears to her."
I waited while he processed what I'd said.
"She's so fragile," he finally spoke. "I mean, she's the strongest person I know - she puts up with me for crying out loud - and yet, one false move and I could break her. And if I tell her about the darkest parts of vampirism…"
"She won't run screaming," I told him. "She's in this Edward. You need to realize that. She's half of your relationship. You get so wrapped up in keeping her safe that you forget that. Let her in sometimes."
Edward nodded. I saw a heartfelt conversation with Bella in his near future.
"I need to talk to Jasper," he said, changing the subject.
"You do," I agreed.
"I don't know what to say to him."
"You'll think of something when the time comes." He snorted.
"You're a lot of help Alice."
"Like I said earlier, I can't tell you what to say. Jasper has been hurting a lot over the last several months and not only hurting but feeling everyone else's pain too. We would have left too to give Jasper some peace if Esme could have stood it."
Edward rubbed his face, no doubt hating to be reminded of how heartbroken Esme had been.
"I'm so sorry Alice. I'm sorry - for everything."
I chuckled and playfully punched him in his upper arm.
"That's the first time you've said that the entire time we've been sitting here."
Edward grinned.
"It is, isn't it?"
I nodded.
"I'm sorry I didn't say I'm sorry sooner." A playful smirk tugged at his lips.
"You're an idiot."
"That's definitely not the first time you've said that since we've been out here."
"Just driving the point home," I retorted. He laughed then and I smiled too.
"Are we okay?" he asked me, his face now solemn. I nodded again.
"We are," I confirmed. Then I smiled. "Welcome home Edward."
He reached for another hug.
"Thanks again Alice."
