Ch 28 Decision

Wang Yao felt that this sorrow was not coming from the battlefield, but instead was brought by the singing from the distant time of childhood. Alas, the soldiers' singing! Like a fast horse catching up with the stream of time…

"Mama, how come papa rarely comes home? Doesn't he love you?"

"He loves me, but I only occupy a very small place in his heart. He gives the greater love to those less fortunate."

"Mama, why do you still love papa?"

"Because mama knows that this place is very small, but it's irreplaceable…"

From a very early age, Wang Yao knew that the world contained too much misfortune and sorrow. But one day, it would all end because there was father—and he had long been exercising himself to be just like him.

But he also knew that father was worthy of all people except his mother. But mother never resented, because she loved father…

As he sat down by the fire again, a voice more intense than fire was burning inside—

"War comes on its own. So does love. When they want to come, nobody can stop them."

If it couldn't be stopped, than embrace it!

The moment he saw Ivan again since his return would be engraved in his heart forever—the handsome young man like the forest god sitting in front of the tall white poplar tree, fully immersed in his art-making. It was as if he was not in a war's battlefront, but at a school's fieldtrip in some quiet peaceful holiday when he as a student used to love. He realized that in soldier Ivan Braginsky before his eyes, there was something earthy and beautiful, like peace itself. How precious! Especially to someone like Wang Yao who lived through torture and death's threat and just recently returned to their own people from sick bed…

He lingered behind the tree, watching everything. It wasn't out of shyness and trepidation from the reunion, but because he feared that as soon as he presented himself, the illusion of peace would fade away. But as he was caught off guard and fell into Ivan's arms, listening to the child-like unscrupulous humours and watching the dazzling blue sky above the treetops, he almost felt that peace had really descended…

The dazzling, serene and beautiful blue sky…if only it could stay upon this woods forever…

…Inside, he was crystal clear: they were lucky enough to encounter a moment of peaceful time at the frontline. When Wang Yao walked out of the woods, he carefully stepped around those tree trunks bombed on the ground and soldiers' new grave below the trees. As part of reclaiming the area, there were deadly battles fought in the poplar woods not long ago, but now, it was calm as the long-absent time before war.

Meanwhile he also understood that they were temporarily resting here. As soon as new orders were commanded, they would go back to the rumbling rhythmic grinder of war that crushed human lives.

He had already thought about these things. Over the past few days and weeks, not only did he know who he loved, but also who he was himself.

He was a soldier.

Except in the poplar woods during the day, as well as the night in the snowy woods—when he was in Ivan's arms. In those times, life's sorrow and pain were thousands of miles away from him; he had no identity or obligations; and he was not shy or afraid of love. In those times, no one—including himself—could blame him. In those times, he was completely free.

"If I were not myself, but the handsomest, cleverest, and best man in the world, and were free, I would this moment ask on my knees for your hand and your love!"

In the winter of 1812 when an unsuccessful love affair overwhelmed Natasha Rostova with agony, this was what Pierre Bezukhov said to her. It was on the last page of the two-volumned War and Peace. Wang Yao remembered it very well, because he was only able to finish the first volumn before he had to return them to the library and joined the army.

He didn't know that Rostova was with Pierre in the end.

The next morning, Wang Yao went to the division commander's bunker. He must respond to a question five days earlier. When he was still in the medical tent, the commander who awarded him had a talk with him. According to the commander, Wang Yao was the offspring of foreign revolutionist who came to study in the Soviet and he had the absolute right—and even obligation—to stay at the back.

"Please don't take it as a humiliation to your soldier's honor, young man." said the commander. "You should stay at the back and continue your study. You can apply to whichever school you want so you can go back and build your country in the future."

He answered: his father died on the battlefield of Japanese fascists. And now, as he was in the Soviet Union, it was perfectly natural and sensible to fight the German fascists. Besides, he was gaining military experiences so he could go back and contribute to the liberation of his country later. But the commander tap his index finger on the table disagreeably, "Revolution will eventually succeed. War will eventually end. Your country still needs to be built. By then, what do you plan to do?"

"There's plenty of time to study afterwards." said him stubbornly. "Before the war ends, I'll never betray a soldier's obligation."

"Then we can send you to military school. The Communist International offers conveniences to the revolutionist's offsprings like you. Very soon, you'll reach the rank of lieutenant. Then, if you want, you can still come back to the Red Army to keep fighting and gain field experience. All branches of armed force for you to choose—aviation, tank, artillery, etc." Before he left, the commander said, "I suggest you not to stay in infantry. As you know, infantry gets the worst end of the stick in the front. People die like cracking sunflower seeds*…I give you five more days to consider."

Over the last five days, Wang Yao had been thinking over this matter. Was it that studying at the back had absolutely no attraction to him at all? The government explained very clearly when sending him off to the Soviet—they sent him to study. Otherwise, they would had already let him go to the Northeast to join his father's army. Even when he won first place of biology in school's subject contests, he wrote in his essay that he dreamed to be a soldier like his father. The teacher asked him why and he replied, "Because my country needs it."

"That's duty, not dream! Wang, is there something that you really want to do?"

Then, he started to realize that what he really wanted to be was a biologist…But now, he still believed that during a war, a person shouldn't choose otherwise. Countless number of people came to the front straight from classrooms…Then how about military school? Combining personal development and service to his country—it was undoubtedly the most advantageous…

—After three to six months when he graduated from military school, it would be almost impossible to return to his original unit.

"Let me think about it for myself…"

When Wang Yao walked out of the commander's bunker, he saw in the distance, a person standing rigidly like a pine tree—Ivan Braginsky. The former rider—presently infantry scout put his two hands inside the coat pockets, but for some reason, Wang Yao felt that they must had clenched into two tight fists.

Ivan must knew why he went to the commander's bunker—how could anything be unknown to Ivan if he wished to know!

"Vanya!"

He ran to the young man and reached his two hands inside Ivan's coat pockets. It was as he expected. He tenderly unfolded the tightened fists, crossed their fingers together and gingerly pulled them out from the pockets.

"Vanya…I won't go anywhere before the war ends! I will stay right here in the infantry with everyone…with you!" Tipping his toes, he tried to look at Ivan's eyes at the same level—the eyes full of sadness! "So, be happy! Smile for me! Don't you always love smiling?"

His tone was as if he was comforting a child—like he handled his teary-eyed little sister Chunyan. Ivan pulled out his hands forcibly and hurriedly stroked that lock of black hair.

"Before I know you, I always loved smiling! But ever since I know this naughty little white horse, I have to fight with you, and later go look for you hating myself, and risk my life to steal you back from death's door, and anxiously wait for you to come back to the base…and then, I have to fear that you will leave one day…" Ivan stomped the ground. "How could it be easy to smile!"

"Vanya, don't be like this. The Milky Way above is the footprints of scouts. Do you think I will leave this road and step away to somewhere else…do you remember? I told you that night…" He couldn't finish. Thinking of that night made his face blush irresistibly.

"Yao, you can do whatever you want…You and I are the same kind of people, always true to oneself…"

"Ivan Braginsky, you listen carefully. In this whole world there are four most precious things that I will remain loyal to forever." Wang Yao stared into his eyes and pronounced word by word, "My country, a soldier's honour, a biologist's dream, and you. You only occupy a small place in my heart, but it is irreplaceable…"