Disclaimer: I own a six-pack of vitamin water (my brand of heroin haha) but I don't own this. Touché, Stephenie Meyer, for thinking of this before me.
When Jasper came back from dropping Alice off at the small Galena airport, he didn't talk to anyone. We all felt waves of misery grip us, but he retired to his bedroom and they eventually pulled away. I felt bad for him, his mate being away from him. So I left Edward and walked up to his door, knocking softly.
"Come in, Bella."
"How did you know it was me?" I said, opening the door and surveying the scene. Jasper was lying on the bed, one arm draped over his eyes. The lights were shut off, but from the beam escaping from the open door, I could see that the room was nothing like I would imagine Alice would decorate a room. One wall was covered with shelves, containing books upon books, a globe that looked as if it was an antique, and various breakables. The walls were papered with a soft green color, and the teak wood furniture was dark but still warm. A round white rug was placed strategically in the middle, and there was a dark green couch in the corner, with a guitar next to it.
"Your emotions. Emmett would have been feeling euphoric, since he would only come in here to tease me. Rosalie would be feeling fed up, since she hates when anyone wallows. Edward wouldn't even approach me, Carlisle would be feeling resigned, and Esme would be feeling much more sympathetic than you." He sat up on his elbows and gave me a ghost of a smile. "If it had been anyone else, I probably wouldn't have let them in."
"Oh. Perceptive." Was all I said. I closed the door and motioned to the couch. He got up and sat on it, patting it a couple of times and inviting me to join him. We both sat on the couch for a while, until I had the courage to speak. "I'm sorry Alice had to leave you to go protect me. You guys wouldn't even be in this mess if it weren't for-"
"Once upon a time, when a lethal vampire was out to get you, you thought we were being foolish and you were ready to just hand yourself over to him. Do you remember what I told you?"
"You told me that I was worth it. But still Jasper, if I-"
"No, Bella, listen. Alice also told you that if anything happened to you, none of us would be able to look Edward in the eyes again. The same applies here too. He tried to kill himself once because he assumed you were dead. What do you think he would do if he knew for a fact that you were dead?" he reached out and patted my hand consolingly. "You two have something, Bella, so quit denying yourself of what you need."
"I'm not trying to, Jasper, I just don't know if I forgive him totally yet."
He gave a short quiet laugh. "Bella, stop thinking with your head and think with your heart! All I feel coming off of you when the two of you are together is safety and love. And let's not even get into Edward's emotions. There are times when it takes all I have to not just jump on Alice and have her right there." Oh god, if I could have blushed, I could have created a new shade of red. "And stop feeling embarrassed, two people who feel those things often do more than just kiss or hold each other." He was smiling widely now, and I was glad because I could make him a little happy while his wife was off getting into god knows how much trouble trying to protect me.
A snarl ripped into the air from downstairs. "Edward, shut up!" we both yelled at the same time. I giggled and motioned towards the guitar. "You play?"
He smiled and picked it up. "My most cherished thing, next to Alice of course. When I was human, I learned to play the banjo, and then I taught myself to play the guitar after I became a vampire. It helped me catch prey sometimes, all I had to do was play on a street corner and they would come up to me." His smile became a bit less pronounced. "But it's not like that anymore. I doubt I could attract a herd of deer by playing 'Oh Shenandoah'."
He started strumming the strings, humming with them. Jasper was amazing at playing the guitar; he and Edward could have started a band and gone platinum. "Well, I can say this about your music, Jasper. If I were a human, you would have definitely captured me." He stopped playing and stopped smiling. He just looked at me with a sad expression. Oops, I knew what he was thinking about.
"Bella, I have to tell you how sorry I am for that night. It ruined everything. If I had had some handle on my bloodlust, all of it was gone the moment your blood permeated the air. I became a monster, and I-"
Now it was my turn to interrupt. "Jasper. Shut up and listen to me. You cannot help what you are. And believe me, I know the feelings of uncontrollable bloodlust too. What matters now is that the two of us stick together, be there for each other in case the other ever… slips up. You got it?" I was really happy that the two of us could have this conversation, have this type of nearness. "I never blamed you, not even at the time. You are… my brother." The last part I said as softly as I could manage, trying to inject sincerity. Jasper smiled and reached across the couch to hug me.
We both separated from our friendly embrace when we heard a soft knock on the door. "Jasper, could I steal Bella from you?" came Edward's musical voice. Jasper pushed my shoulder and smiled.
"Go."
So I am going to upload pictures of my dorm apartment onto the thing when I can, so if you want to see my living arrangements, you can and review. I am really sorry to everyone who reviewed for the last chapter, but because I can't access my email, I can't reply to your reviews (hangs head in shame) please forgive me!
Peace!
