Author's Note: Thank you all so much (as ever) for your feedback. I love writing this story and it's such a blessing that so many of you are enjoying it. Thank you again...Titanic reference belongs to the 1997 film.
It is just past seven when he pulls back into the driveway. Mass had been the first thing on his mind this morning with so many new things to be grateful for. He won't push his blessings, but with any luck Eli may still be asleep and he thinks he just might be able to slip back into bed beside Olivia. He wonders if she has woken at all, if she read his note that he left sitting on her bedside table beside the little maroon box that has altered the course of their lives forever more.
He grins to himself in the silence of the truck. He knows that in two minutes he is going to have to step inside the house and back into reality. He is going to start breakfast, feed Heidi, and get Eli packed up to be ready to leave with Kathy, but for right now he just wants to be. He allows himself one more moment of this perfect preparation for what is to come.
July. He knows that he will have to be patient and to wait for everything that he wants. March, April, May, June...
For the next four months, he will feel as though he is living in the interim, caught in a lull between two defining moments. He wonders about the life he will lead in the middle and he knows that it is going to be an adjustment, just like everything else. He is going to have to find some peace in that because he has to let Olivia go. He has to make sure that she knows how he supports her and how he will never intentionally be the reason that she questions herself. He has lived without her beside him before, but now he is allowed to exist with the promise of her return. He only needs one thing from her now and that is for her to take care of herself and to come back safe and whole.
When he steps inside, it takes him less than five seconds to realize that his plan for a quiet morning has already flown out the window. The TV is on and he can hear the Scooby-Doo theme song playing. He slips off his shoes as Heidi dances around his legs, her light colored tail swats against his shin and covers his dress pants with her fur. "Hi baby," he says, leaning down to run his fingers over her velvet ears. "How are you?" Elliot moves toward the kitchen with Heidi at his heels.
The first thing that catches his eye is the collection of what looks like every cereal box they own lining the counter. He hears Olivia's voice issuing from the pantry as she talks to Eli. Elliot shakes his head affectionately as he watches them. Olivia has Eli in her arms, his son is just about too big to sit comfortably on her hip, and they seem to be searching the cabinets for something in particular.
"Do you think we have the strawberry one?" Eli asks.
The light blue blanket Maureen made for him is draped over Olivia's forearm and both of them are already dressed for the day. Eli wears sweatpants and his Star Wars t-shirt is on backwards, meaning that either Olivia hasn't noticed or she doesn't have the heart to tell him. She wears jeans and a simple white turtleneck with her hair twisted up in one of those clips. Her dark hair is still wet and Elliot knows she must have dropped everything she was doing to come take care of Eli. She absently kisses the top of his son's head as they survey the inventory. "Sweetheart, I don't see the strawberry one, but I'll check downstairs. Your Daddy might have put-"
"Daddy says we're out of the strawberry one," Elliot supplies helpfully, leaning against the door frame. Olivia turns them around quickly at the sound of his voice. "Hi," she greets him with a smile. "Hi Dad!" Eli cries, his curls are still wild from sleep, but his blue eyes are ready for the day. "I didn't know you were here!" Olivia laughs as she passes Eli off into Elliot's waiting arms.
"I just got back from church, pal," he explains, tickling Eli's little belly. His son howls with laughter as Elliot carries him out and sets him down on the counter top. Eli's little feet swing back and forth as he surveys the array of cereal boxes that he has to choose from. "I think I'm gonna have some Cheerios...the frosted ones or maybe I'll have some Captain Crunch..."
Elliot keeps his hand near Eli's wiggly little waist in case he decides it's time to jump down and abandon ship. He watches as Olivia retrieves his son's dinosaur bowl and his favorite Star Wars spoon from the drawer before she turns to look at him. She smiles with a certainty that causes the darkness in her eyes to lighten.
"Can I pour 'em, Liv?" Eli asks, shifting around to reach for the Captain Crunch. Elliot sets him down so that he can climb up into his chair at the table.
"Sure honey," Olivia replies, helping his son to maneuver the box of cereal that is almost as big as he is. Elliot feels the press of her palm against his chest as she moves to step in front of him and as soon as Eli is preoccupied with his cereal, she slips into his arms to hug him.
"Thanks for your note," she whispers against his shoulder.
"Thanks for helping him. Didn't think he'd be awake this early," he says, his voice low in her ear. Olivia gives him a sideways glance and by the when her lips lilt upward he knows she understands that despite her being fully dressed, he still wants to pull her back into bed beside him.
You doing okay?" Elliot asks quietly. He knows that she has had a little more than an hour without him beside her and he is wondering how she is processing all that transpired between them last night. The promises that they made in anticipation of what is to come. The promises he would much rather make a reality in this moment..."Yes," she answers, pressing her lips to his shoulder through the fabric of his dress shirt.
"We're watching Scooby, Daddy! Don't worry. It just started so you didn't miss anything," Eli announces, never taking his eyes off the television. Olivia smiles as she slips out of his arms and moves to pour some juice for his son. Elliot steps forward and lightly ruffles Eli's hair.
"Sounds good, pal," he says, moving toward the living room. "I'm gonna go upstairs and change and then we have to get you all packed up to go back home with Mom, okay?"
Eli suddenly drops his spoon and it clatters noisily against the table. The sound causes both he and Olivia to look up at his son, whose blue eyes are suddenly brimming with tears.
"Buddy?" Elliot asks.
"I have to go already? I just got here!" Eli cries before dissolving into a puddle of tears. Olivia gives a quick intake of breath and Elliot meets her gaze over his son's head.
"It's okay," he says and he isn't sure exactly who he is soothing with his words, but he knows that he has to keep both of them here with him in this moment. "It's not okay!" Eli exclaims adamantly, throwing his hands in the air. "I don't wanna leave, Daddy! I wanna stay here with you and Liv!" He buries his face as he lays his forehead down against his arms on the top of the table.
Olivia's eyes grow wide with emotion at the sound of her name and Elliot knows she will never cease to be surprised by the way his children care for her. He swallows heavily as he moves to sit down beside Eli and by some miracle, Olivia mimics his movements on the opposite side of the table.
"Buddy listen," Elliot starts, "Much as I love hearing you say that you wanna stay with us, that's not how it's gonna work right now." Eli's shakes his head and his curls fall all over. "How come?" He asks, never looking up. His little voice is weepy.
"'Cause you have to go to school and Liv and I have to go to work," Elliot explains gently, reaching over to rub Eli's back. His son lets that idea sink in for a moment before he starts to cry in earnest.
"Eli," both he and Olivia start at once. Elliot's eyes snap to her dark gaze and he nods, begging her to continue while he falls silent.
"Honey," Olivia begins once more, moving out of her chair and kneeling on the floor beside his son. "Eli, I'm not going to be here with your Daddy either. We're going to drive back to New York, just like you and your Mommy because I have to go back to work next week."
Elliot listens to the soothing cadence of Olivia's voice. He knows that he will never stop being amazed by the way that she is able to get through to those in need. She is not only giving Eli the truth, but she has an uncanny ability to say exactly what his son needs to hear in order to help him to understand.
Slowly, Eli raises his head and peeks at Olivia through his little fingers. "You're not gonna be here having fun without me?" He asks and Olivia shakes her head with a quiet heartbroken laugh.
"Buddy, we could never have fun without you," Elliot promises earnestly and his son gives a halfhearted grin.
Elliot takes a deep breath before he speaks again. There is something that he needs Eli to know. At five years of age, things are difficult to comprehend, but he knows that his son picks up on just about everything around him. He is sure that Eli knows about how their time together has been non-existent since Christmas and that life has found a way to throw off their schedule. He doesn't want Eli to think that his absence as his father is his child's new normal.
"Buddy, will you look at me?" He asks. Eli slowly lowers his fingers and looks up at Elliot with the full force of those giant blue eyes. "I know these last couple weeks have been different, but some things are gonna change and I promise we'll get back on a regular schedule and we'll get to hang out a lot more, okay?"
His son tilts his head as though he is trying to understand. The future is too nebulous for Elliot to try to explain and he is silently praying that his child will take him at his word, just this once.
"Why can't you guys come live with me and Mom? Lizzie would like to have Liv for a sleepover and you could stay in my room, Dad," Eli gives one more valiant try before Elliot leans over and kisses his forehead. There is only so much he can attempt to reason without using the old because I'm your dad and I said so line.
Nevertheless, he owes his son as much of an explanation as he can give. "I promise, I promise you things are gonna get easier, okay? Next weekend is your brother and your sister's birthday and I'm coming up to see you."
"Next weekend?" Eli asks hopefully, his light eyes growing wide at the prospect of their birthday.
"Next weekend," Elliot assures him.
Eli brushes his wet cheeks with his palms as he turns to Olivia. "Liv, are you gonna be at the party?"
"They're not really having a party, bud-" Elliot starts, but she cuts him off. "I'm not sure, sweetheart, but I'll see you again soon, okay?"
Eli sighs heavily before reaching out to pat Olivia's hand. "Okay," he says, nodding in acceptance before he picks up his spoon and turns his attention back to the TV across the living room.
Elliot stands and presses a kiss to the top of Eli's head. "I love you," he tells him and his son nods thoughtfully as he chews his cereal. Olivia brushes Elliot's hand with her fingers and he follows her back across the kitchen. She steps into the pantry on the pretense of putting one of cereal boxes away and when she doesn't turn back around immediately, he follows her into the small space.
"We have to stop meeting like this," she whispers lightly, as she steps closer to him so that her bare feet bump against his socks. He can tell that there is something that she wants to say and he wills himself to remain silent and allow her time to collect her thoughts. Olivia's gaze falls to the blue pinstripes on his dress shirt and a wave of her damp hair brushes against her cheek as she ducks her head.
"Liv," he manages, almost imperceptibly, but he knows that she has heard him because she looks up. "El," she whispers, her dark eyes intent. "I've been thinking about today, about dropping Eli off...maybe it's better if I stay here."
Elliot swallows heavily at the sound her words and all at once his throat is tight. "Liv," he tries again, but she is speaking over him once more.
"Eli is already upset and I don't want to make things harder by being there," she reasons, keeping her voice soft.
"You don't make things harder," he asserts quietly. Olivia nods but continues on as though he hasn't interrupted. "Plus, it'll give you and Kathy time to talk..."
"Raindrops on roses and whispers on kittens, light copper metals and warm, wool mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings..."
Eli's little voice reaches their ears and suddenly Olivia is biting down on her bottom lip to keep herself from smiling. Elliot exhales a breath that he didn't realize he was holding as he grasps onto her arm. "Hold on," he whispers, poking his head around the door to glance over at his son.
"Buddy, what's going on?" He asks, trying not to quash his son's musical interests and at the same time attempting to ascertain what exactly Eli is doing.
"I'm singin' Dad! Lizzie says we sing 'bout our favorite things when we're feeling sad and it helps us not feel sad," Eli explains with a very patient air, as though this is the most obvious reaction in the world.
"That's great, but no singing with your mouth full," Elliot says, pointing to the cereal bowl for emphasis. "Okay," his son shrugs, slipping down from his seat. "I'm done anyway!"
"Does that kid sound like he's upset to you?" Elliot asks, turning back to look at Olivia. He knows that she has made up her mind and he is fighting a losing battle, but he has to try one more time. "Olivia," he starts, drawing out her name, but she silences him by kissing him swiftly. "I'm not going anywhere, El," she promises, brushing another escaped wave of her damp hair away from her cheek, "Apart from upstairs to finish my hair." She leans up to kiss him again and this time she lingers. She tastes faintly of toothpaste and sleep and he just wants to hold her. "I love you. It'll be okay," Olivia whispers and then she is slipping from his arms before he has the chance to say anything in return.
Elliot sits across from Eli at the table. His son colors with his left hand, something that is an absolute wonder to the rest of the family. He picks the colors out, one by one, and brings the picture to life. He isn't bothered by trying to stay inside the lines, in fact he claims that the picture looks better when he colors wherever he wants to. There aren't any rules to follow or mistakes to be made that can't be fixed by another crayon or a turn of the page. Eli is five, it's true, but Elliot longs for the simplicity of his son's world.
"You think she's gonna like it, Daddy?" Eli asks, startling Elliot out of his reverie. "Who, bud?" He asks absently, meeting his son's wide blue eyes. "Liv," Eli replies easily, turning his coloring book around and sliding it across the table so that Elliot can see the large green and orange brontosaurus he has been working on.
Liv. Olivia. The way that Eli says her name is a blessing, as though she is the most natural person in the world for him to be attached to. His son knows nothing of the life that he and Olivia lead before his birth. The years spent together on the job have instilled certain fears in them both. He has a brutal fear of losing her and she has an awful anxiety about hurting anyone. His fear is born out of loving her for so long and hers is born of living without for even longer.
Olivia is worried about affecting his ex-wife, the woman that he went home to nearly every night for the entirety of their partnership. He can't dismiss her worry because she is right and he is wrong. Her fears are real and they are substantial and he has to validate that they exist because they are a part of her. Olivia has always had a spot-on instinct when it comes to dealing with delicate situations and he has to trust her now.
"I made her a picture so she doesn't miss me," Eli's little voice brings him back and Elliot clenches his jaw as he tries to remember how to breathe at the sound of his son's sentiment. "We're gonna miss you no matter what, but Liv's gonna love that dinosaur," he replies, handing the coloring book back to his son as he stands and makes his way around the table. He ruffles Eli's hair affectionately. "I'll be right back," he says, "Gonna go check on Liv."
"'Kay," his son answers, leaning across the table to reach for one the crayons that has rolled away.
Heidi settles herself up against the foot of Eli's chair as though she understands that she is to be the responsible adult while Elliot is out of the room. As he makes his way up the stairs, he can no longer hear the hum of her hairdryer and so he knows she must have finished. He taps lightly on the door and when he hears Olivia's voice answer, he slips inside. She meets his gaze in the mirror as she cleans up her place at the sink.
"I love you," he tells her earnestly, stepping back and moving to sit down on the side of the tub. "Please talk to me," Olivia requests softly as she turns around and settles against the edge of the sink.
He takes a steadying breath and studies the wood of the floor beneath her painted toes. "I want you to come with me," he tells her, clearing his throat because his voice is too low. "Hell, I wanna be with you all the time, but I've got no right to ask you to come. I'm the one who put you in this position in the first place." Elliot scrubs his hand roughly over his jaw as he braces his elbows against his thighs. "You've always been better with this kinda stuff than I have and if you don't think it's right to come, then that's okay. This is your call, Liv and you gotta be comfortable. You gotta know that's all I want."
Olivia nods as she pushes herself up to sit on the counter. She ducks her head for a moment and her bangs obscure his view of her face before she meets his gaze again. "There's no play book for all of this, Liv. I don't have all the answers and I dunno anything 'cept that I love you. I'm figuring everything out as I go, just the same as you," he admits. He doesn't want her to think that this is easy for him or that he has all the solutions in a little notebook somewhere. God knows if he did, he'd be sharing them with her.
"I think I'm going to come," she says and Elliot swallows into silence. She continues to astound him with the way that she thinks through things, the careful consideration with which she weighs her options. He has to listen to hear her reasoning because every minute with her is a learning experience.
"You are?" He rasps and Olivia nods slowly. "I was thinking that this won't get any easier, but at the same time it's only as hard as we make it out to be."
"I don't want it to be hard," Elliot tells her, the words falling from his lips before he can stop them. He worries they sound childish, he isn't Eli after all. If his sentiment seems juvenile, Olivia doesn't let on. "I don't either," she admits, biting down on her lip. "I just don't want to hurt anyone."
Elliot shakes his head because this is something he understands. Something he has learned that he can give her to hold onto. "You gotta know that would never be your fault. You'd never hurt anybody on purpose. You only got control over how you act, not how other people react."
Olivia looks up at him and her eyes are wide. He knows his words contradict his actions in the life he lived with her before this one. He owes that particular lesson to many hours of therapy with Cody.
"Where did you come from?" Olivia asks, her voice lilting in amusement.
Elliot grins at her as he stands up and she reaches for him. "Dunno," he rumbles, burying his face against her neck and kissing her there. "But I know where I'm going."
"Where?" Olivia asks, playing along. He can feel her fingers pressing into his back. "With you," he answers truthfully, his voice is low in her ear as he kisses her cheek. Olivia nods. "You jump. I jump, Jack," she says.
Elliot tightens his grasp on her waist as he pulls back to meet her eyes. "Who's Jack?" He asks curiously and Olivia dissolves into laughter against his shoulder.
Meeting at the park had been his idea and he is proud of it. It isn't far from Kathy's hotel and it makes for a neutral point of contact for all of them. There are a few joggers out and about this morning, running on the gravel path around the small lake. Despite the fact that the air has warmed to a balmy 45 degrees, there aren't any other families out on the playground yet.
"Watch! Watch this!" Eli makes his seventh trip down the tallest slide before he is bolting towards where Elliot stands, wide-eyed and beaming and he knows what is coming next. "Dad, Daddy! You gotta try this! It's the coolest slide I ever done before!"
Elliot glances at Olivia, who is desperately trying to keep a straight face. "Yeah Dad," she says softly, making him grin as she presses her hand against his back and gently urges him forward. Elliot catches her fingers in his own and squeezes before he lets Eli lead him up to the top of the jungle gym.
It a large multicolored structure made of slides and turrets, climbing walls, and monkey bars. Leave it to his son to become enamored with the tallest slide there is. He wonders when was the last time he has been on a playground like this. He used to take the twins on occasion after school when they were Eli's age, but his children never had the luxury of a swing set in their backyard growing up. He is now determined to change that.
At the top of the slide, Eli lets go of his hand and Elliot lowers himself down to sit down. He surveys the giant yellow slide before him and shit if he isn't having second thoughts about consenting to this. He hears Olivia's laughter from below and he tries to peek at her over the side.
"It's high, Liv," he calls, knowing that she can hear both the laughter in his voice and his trepidation. "You look good up there!" She cries, he can see the amusement in her dark eyes from here. "You'd look better," he tosses back, making her laugh as he moves himself forward. Eli's little hands pat his shoulders eagerly. "C'mon Dad! Go, go, go fast!"
Elliot sits there for a moment more. He has never considered himself to be an over-analyzer, but he is struck by the significance of this moment. The top of the slide, the precipice, the point of no return, the moment from which there isn't any going back and by the grace of God, he doesn't want to. He thinks about forward motion and that sometimes all one needs is a push in the right direction, toward what is waiting, toward the future...
"You scared, Dad?" Eli asks, curious about Elliot's lack of movement. He shakes his head and offers his son his hand.
"Come with me, buddy," he says at the last second, turning and helping Eli into his lap. "Yay! We're gonna go really fast this time! Wheeeeeeee!" Eli screams in delight as they slip down the slide to meet Olivia at the bottom. "Great job, guys!" She cries, laughing at what Elliot knows is the playful grimace on his face.
"I'm doing that again! C'mon Liv!" Eli cries, pushing himself off of Elliot's knee and jumping down from the structure. Elliot takes Olivia's proffered hand as he swings his legs over the side of the slide.
"Did you have fun?" She asks, as he moves to stand beside her. "Yeah, but now I think I need to make an appointment with the chiropractor," he replies, stretching out his back and making her laugh.
"Hi Mommy!" They both look up at the sound of Eli's voice to see Kathy waving as she makes her way across the parking lot toward the playground. Elliot feels the way Olivia's fingers tense against his hand, but she doesn't let go immediately and he is proud as hell of her.
"It's okay," he whispers. She nods with a confidence that he isn't sure she feels before she lets him go. Eli zooms down the slide and runs right into his mother's waiting arms. The hem of Kathy's beige dress coat will be covered with mulch, but she doesn't seem to mind. Her blonde hair skims the top of her shoulders in the light breeze as she hugs Eli close. "Hi sweetie, I missed you," she cries, letting him take her hand and lead her over to where the two of them stand.
Elliot watches the way Kathy smiles genuinely as she takes them in and he knows that they're all going to be all right. "Hi Kath," he says, leaning forward to hug her briefly as Eli tugs on her hand. "Mom, Mommy! You gotta watch me do the slide again, okay?" He tells her before he dashes off toward the climbing wall. "Okay baby," she calls after him before turning back around.
"Hi Liv."
"Hi Kath."
They greet each other in the same exact breath and any lingering tension is broken by their mutual desire to put the other at ease.
"It's good to see you, Liv," Kathy says earnestly. "You too, Kath," Olivia nods and Elliot can tell that she is shaking just slightly as she reaches out to touch his ex-wife's arm.
"Mom! Mommy, can you watch me now?" Eli cries from the top of the slide and Kathy laughs lightly as all three of them direct their focus toward him.
"Go for it, buddy!" She exclaims as Eli catapults himself down the slide, waving his arms madly on the way down. "Wow! That was so fast!" Kathy comments as Eli hops back on the slide and attempts to climb up the slippery surface.
"Eli, you can do that as long as nobody's coming down, okay?" Elliot calls out as a reminder to their son. "'Kay, Dad!" Eli replies, waving with one hand as he valiantly tries to continue his trek, but keeps slipping down because he is giggling too hard.
Olivia can't help but laugh at the sound and Kathy turns to look back at the two of them. "How was he for you guys?" She asks, stepping aside to stand to Olivia's right, so that they can all keep an eye on the subject of their conversation.
"We had fun," Elliot says with a grin, "He's non-stop, but we wouldn't have it any other way."
"He's growing up so fast," Olivia says softly and Kathy glances at her with a smile.
"I know. I can't believe it that he went from that teeny tiny little baby to this crazy little guy. He loves you, Liv. He talks about you all the time at home."
Olivia exhales at the sound of Kathy's words and she tilts her head as they watch Eli slip all the way down the slide backwards. The two of them are inextricably linked by the life of this miraculous little boy.
"You have amazing children," Olivia says quietly and Kathy reaches out to touch her arm. Elliot's attention is focused on Eli and how his son has wandered over to the edge of the lake. He watches as Eli picks up a small stone in his hand and tosses it into the water, making the surface shimmer with thousands of ripples.
"Gotta tell you," Elliot says, nodding toward their child, "He was a little upset this morning 'bout having to leave, but I told him I'll see him next weekend."
Kathy smiles knowingly because they all understand that their son gets attached. "Lizzie told me you were going to try to come up. Liv, will you come? You're more than welcome..."
Olivia shakes her head. "Thank you, Kathy. I'm going to drive up with Elliot and I start back to work on Monday, so we'll all be able to get back into our routines."
Kathy's light eyes are wide at Olivia's news, but before she can say anything, Eli calls out to them.
"Hey Liv, can you come here please?" He shouts, waving excitedly. Olivia gives a quiet laugh and Elliot brushes the small of her back with his palm as she moves from his side. "I'll be back," she says, making her way across toward Eli. "What did you find, honey?"
The sound of her voice fades away as she joins his son at the edge of the water.
"I'm glad Liv is all right," Kathy says, glancing down at the lake before she looks over at him. He wonders about the amount of God-given grace that has allowed him to fall in love with two different women, at separate times in his life, who truly care about each other's welfare. He knows it could be hell and by all rights Kathy should hate him, but somehow she doesn't. She doesn't hate him. She doesn't hate Olivia. She doesn't begrudge him any of the parts of their lives that they share. She is remarkable in her benevolence.
"I know it doesn't mean anything, but I never meant to hurt you," Elliot whispers suddenly, the words slipping from his lips on an exhale. Kathy waves his words away as she looks down to study the buttons on her coat. "I know that," she says sincerely.
"Liv almost didn't come today 'cause she didn't want anyone to get hurt." All at once is pouring out every admission of truth that lingers inside of him. He doesn't want anyone to have any doubt about what is to come.
Kathy looks up quickly, her fair cheeks are wet with tears, but she seeks his eyes nevertheless. "I'm glad Olivia came. None of us ever meant to hurt each other." She shakes her head to emphasize her point. "This is a new start, El. We're all just going to work together and try our best and that's all we can do. Everyday is a little different and we'll work with what we've been given."
He nods because he can't speak. He knows she is right. He and Olivia have been over this ten thousand times, but to hear it from Kathy is something different. It strikes him that they are communicating better now than they ever did while they lived under the same roof.
His tries to blink away the moisture in his eyes, but the grass and the trees are steadily blurring with his tears. His throat is aching with emotion and he needs a minute, but he owes Kathy this moment and so much more. He sees her at seventeen: beautiful, smart, funny, and the girl who had to grow up far too quickly. He sees her at their home in Queens, dinner on the stove, homework on the table, a kid always tugging on her arm. He sees her now, caring, courageous, and older but no less beautiful.
"So..." she says. Her tone lilts softly, making her sound so much like their daughters that he tilts his head to look at her.
"What?" Elliot asks gently. Kathy's blue eyes catch the sun as she smiles up at him. "You know, Kathleen is right about your poker face. Both of you."
"What d'you-" he starts, but she speaks again before he can finish. "You're getting married, aren't you?" She asks quietly, her voice almost reverent.
God.
Elliot clenches his jaw and fixes his gaze on the tangle of his son's hand in Olivia's. He wonders if he has always been this transparent, worn his heart on his sleeve this way. Eli is pointing to something in the water, maybe a frog or a fish and Olivia is crouching down beside him, listening intently to whatever he is telling her. She may never be his mother, but he knows that she loves him as though he were her own child.
"Yes," he answers simply. Olivia is a gift, a privilege, the love of his life. He will never deny that.
"Liv loves Eli," his ex-wife remarks as though she is reading his mind. Elliot swallows the tightness in his throat as he nods. "She does. She loves all the kids."
He hears Kathy take a wavering breath before she continues. "They love her. That's why this is going to work out," she says softly. "We all love our children and we'll never let them feel like they don't have a place in all of this. They'll always know where they belong."
