Chapter Twenty-Eight

What Goes Around

Warning: Sam gets drastically out of character in this chapter. When he realizes that Evy ran away on her own, he gets very angry with her. He says some things in anger that are borderline cruel and out of line. Sam also mentions "what dad did to me when I ran away to Flagstaff with you (meaning Evy)." I know what I think happened, but I don't state it directly, as I know different fans have different interpretations of it.

There's two more chapters coming, and then this story will be wrapped up. As I've said before, as long as I continue to have ideas for Evy, I'll continue to write her. Stay tuned!

Evy had been missing for five days.

The first night, fueled mostly by anger, she'd simply walked until her feet got tired. Which, for Evy, after years of basketball and walking everywhere she went, wasn't until early the next morning, She didn't know where it was she ended up, but she stayed there until kids in the local neighborhood started leaving for school.

Sitting on that bench next to the road, she made up her mind where she was going. She thought about Jody's, but she knew that Jody would call Sam and make them make up with each other. Evy wasn't ready for that. Claire was also a possibility. She knew Claire was hunting, and would be sympathetic. But she didn't really want that either. SO, as she stood in the raggedy bus station with all the money she'd saved for her share of the apartment with Jordan, the answer came to her.

She'd go to the bunker.

She didn't think that anyone would look for her there. She vaguely remembered where it was. They'd spent nearly two months there before finding their house. Dean had taught her how to backtrack and find her way back to the bunker if for some reason she ever got separated from them. Now definitely qualified as one of those times.

It took all of the first day and most of the second to make it to the bunker. She was relieved to find that no one else had claimed it, and, exhausted, she'd simply found a room and fallen asleep.

It was the afternoon of the third day that her anger started to shift. She had been so exhausted that she'd slept for nearly twenty hours straight. But when she woke up, she was starving. Her first thought was I wonder what daddy's making for dinner. She felt a little of her anger dissipate and slowly turn to guilt. I really messed up. Evy thought about calling Sam and asking if she could come home. As unlikely as she knew it was, she couldn't stand the possibility that he might say no. She also couldn't stand the thought of hearing how hurt and upset he, Dean, and Jordan were bound to be. She decided to start making her way back home. She went into town, bought some food and water and a backpack, then started to hitchhike back home.

She spent the trip back thinking of her life up to that point. Sam giving up hunting for her. Getting their house in Lebanon and taking care of her. Constantly making her feel loved and cared for. Encouraging her to try things that scared her, but not forcing her to. Holding her constantly after being kidnapped by the Genai, even when she knew he was tired and his arms were aching. Making her feel like a superhero when she'd gotten hit by the car. How happy he'd been when she'd come home after spending the weekend in foster care. How patient he'd been with her as an oversensitive teenager. How supportive he'd been when coach Evans had hurt her.

She also thought of Dean. He'd played a mostly supporting role, but he had had just as big an impact on Evy's life as Sam. He had taken the role of uncle to heart. He mostly supported and upheld Sam's decisions, but would constantly indulge her when they were alone. One more scoop of ice cream? Sure. Stay up thirty more minutes? Absolutely. If she was sad? Hurt? Scared? Lonely? That almost always led to a tickle fight that would leave her crying from laughter rather than sadness. As she thought of all they'd done for her, suddenly not telling her about how she'd ended up at the bunker didn't seem so bad.

"I'm so sorry." she whispered to herself as she climbed a bus back home.

Now, it was the end of the fifth day. It was approaching ten pm. There was one light on in the house, the lamp in the living room. She saw Squish sitting on the back of the couch, and someone scratching his fur. Evy took a breath and rang the doorbell, her heart hammering hard in her chest. Dean answered the door and stood there staring at her. Evy fought back tears, wanting to at least give them a chance to start yelling at her before she broke down crying.

"Baby girl?" He asked, still unsure she was actually there.

"Yeah. It's me." She said. "Can I come home?"

Dean reached out and grabbed Evy into a long, crushing hug. Evy cried in relief. At least Dean was still speaking to her. Dean led her inside and over to the couch. As soon as she hit the couch, Squish jumped into her lap and nuzzled her neck, refusing to stop until she starting petting him. Dean had left the room, and came back in with Sam. It took a moment before Evy realized Sam was standing there. When she looked up, she saw that Sam looked exhausted, and her guilt threatened to choke her.

"Hi, daddy."

Sam stared at her another few seconds before asking, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." When Sam just continued to stare at her, she let out a choked sob. "Daddy, I'm so sorry…"
Evy had expected him to be hurt, maybe even angry, but it worried her that Sam hadn't hugged her yet. Evy braced herself for the storm she saw brewing in Sam's eyes. Gone was the patient, caring, loving man who'd raised her. In his place was a bitter, tired, angry man she didn't recognize.

"You're sorry!?" Sam asked, his voice slightly raised, but still calm and in control. "Do you have any idea what you've put us through this week? Me, Dean, Jody, Claire, even Jordan? We didn't know what happened to you! We thought you'd been taken, or worse!"

Evy winced at the thought of Sam believing she was hurt, and not able to do anything about it. More than once, when she'd cried from pain that Sam couldn't take away, it had made him cry too. Ashamed, she looked away from him towards the floor. Even though she wasn't looking directly at Sam anymore, she could almost feel the anger radiating off him in waves.

"You didn't think to at least call someone and let them know you were okay?" Sam asked.

"I was scared." Evy explained. "I didn't know if you'd want to talk to me or not."

"I don't care how scared you were. How angry, upset, pissed off. I don't give a damn." Sam said. "You should have called, emailed, something."

Evy nodded and wiped her eyes. Tears were now flowing freely. Dean stood in the corner of the room, arms folded against his chest. He was angry with her too, but he was more relieved that she was finally home. She did need a reality check though, so he remained silent while Sam let out his hurt feelings.

"I have taken care of you since the day you were born. I know it doesn't seem like that long to you, but that's almost forty years of my life. And I have never once been so damn angry with you."

"Daddy, I'm sorry…" Evy choked out.

"Stop talking." Sam snapped, making Evy jump. "You went way beyond messing up here. And apologizing or crying or staying in your room isn't going to cut it."

Evy looked up, terrified. "What does that mean?"

"Do you remember what dad did to me when I ran away to Flagstaff with you?"

Whatever color had been left in Evy's face immediately drained away. She did remember that terrifying night, all too well. She had been four and Sam fourteen at the time. Though she hadn't been there for Sam's actual punishment, since John had made Dean take her out of the house, Sam had been very quiet and sullen for hours after that. She could also tell that he'd been crying. Evy had never asked him about it directly, but she'd filled in the blanks easily enough. Surely he didn't mean…?

"Sam." Dean finally broke his silence. "You don't mean…"

"Relax, Dean." Sam said, without breaking his stare on Evy. "The only thing making me not do it right now is the fact that I'm so pissed at you I'm afraid I'd hurt you. Do you understand that?"

"Yes." Evy whispered, wiping her eyes. "What are you going to do?"

"Nothing." Sam said. "Like I told you, this goes way beyond grounding you or lecturing you. I wasn't always there the first time around, and I've regretted that every day of my life since. But I have always, always been there for you. Am I wrong about that?"

"No." Evy whispered.

"So let me make sure I've got this straight." Sam said, running a hand through his hair. "You get pissed at us for not telling you the whole story about something that happened when you were six. We tell you the truth, and give you the space you demand, rather than ask for. We tell you you can basically do what you want, as long as you talk to us about it. And your choice, instead of working it out with us and explaining how you feel, is to run away and make us think you were kidnapped, or hurt, or maybe even dead." Evy still wasn't looking at him, so Sam continued. "You know, when Dean took you out of the house that night, dad told me something I never forgot. He said if I ever had kids of my own, and I treated them the way I treated you, I'd regret it. After everything had calmed down, and he told me you were my responsibility, I promised myself I'd prove him wrong. I thought I had."

"Daddy, I'm sorry…" Evy sobbed again, unable to think of anything else to say.

"SHUT UP!" Sam yelled. Evy put a hand to her mouth to quiet her cries, but Sam wasn't finished. "I used to tell you I was always proud of you, no matter what. Now I'm…"
"Sam!" Dean shouted from the corner. "Enough."

Dean nodded in Evy's direction. She had her hands in front of her face, her whole body shaking in sobs. Sam stopped talking, realizing that nothing else would get through to her right now. She had completely shut down. Dean grabbed her shoulder gently. Evy flinched as though he'd hit her.

"Why don't you go to bed, kiddo?" he suggested.

Evy nodded, scrambling off the couch as fast as she could. She ran to her bedroom, Squish on her heels, and slammed the door. Her muffled sobbing could be heard all the way in the living room.

"You think I was too hard on her, don't you?" Sam said.

Dean sighed. "No, actually, I don't."

"Really?" Sam asked.

"No. You were borderline, but you didn't cross." Dean said.

"What do you mean?"
"Well, threatening to do what dad did to you was way overboard." Dean said. "But telling her that you're not proud of her…"
"Well should I be?" Sam asked. "She was reckless, thoughtless, selfish, and stupid all at once."

"Should you be proud of what she did? No. Of who she is? Yes. And baby girl's so fragile she might not see the difference." Dean said. "And remember, she didn't do this for no reason."

"What does that mean?" Sam asked. "This is our fault?"

"Partially, yes. We did lie to her, Sam. We took her away from the only family she'd ever known. And we told her that we couldn't send her back. That part is on us." Dean said.

Sam huffed and looked away from Dean.

"Sam, there's something else you don't know about that night." Dean said. "The real reason Dad made that speech about you being in charge of Evy from now on."

"What?" Sam asked.

Dean sighed. "After dad sent you both to your own rooms, he asked me if I thought he'd been too hard on both of you."

"What did you say?"

"I said that you actually running away was on you. But you making the decision to run away was on him. That you and him were both equally responsible." Dean explained.

"Is that why dad calmed down after that?"

"Yeah. He realized he'd basically punished Evy for no reason and that you were good at stopping him from being too hard on her. He calmed himself and talked to you two a little while later." Dean said.

Sam was shaking his head. "That was different, Dean. I ran away to protect her from dad. I didn't do it to hurt him. She did this because she was angry and wanted to hurt us. Well, she did it."

"Sam, don't do that…" Dean pleaded.

"I'm going to bed. Good night, Dean." Sam said.

"Say good night to baby girl, too." Dean said.

If Sam heard Dean, he didn't say anything. For the first time ever, Sam felt no compulsion to check on Evy. He walked right past her door, to his own room, shut the door, and laid down to go to sleep. Evy had heard him go by. When she saw Sam's feet go past her door, she whispered,

"I'm sorry, daddy."

Next Chapter: When Sam keeps up the silent treatment with Evy, Jody steps in.