Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.
A/N: Thanks to kaittybee, who beta this story.
Chapter Twenty Eight
Severus Snape
It was a year to the date that she had died and he still wished that he was gone too. He had a bottle of fire whiskey in his hand and he was so far gone that he didn't bother with the glass anymore. He was looking at the letter she had written him. The words were blurred, but that didn't matter, he remembered every word of it. Sometimes the letter made him feel better, it was nice knowing she believe in him... knowing she didn't blame him. Right now, though... all it seemed to say was that he could have spent his last years being her friend instead of wasting it... instead of helping the madman that was going to kill her. He got up and threw the bottle across the room. It crashed in to the wall.
"Severus," a voice said from the doorway and he tried to focus, but of course he knew who it was, there was only one person that would want to talk to him.
"What do you want, Dumbledore?" he said, his voice slurred a little as he spoke.
"I think you should take the day off," Dumbledore said after a piercing look at Severus.
He nodded his head, and knew Dumbledore was right, he was in no shape to show toddlers how to make potions... at the moment he wouldn't trust himself to make a simple sleeping draught. He got up, it was only nine in the morning and he had already drunk an entire bottle of fire whiskey... but he knew he needed it to survive today.
He found himself walking, and he wasn't sure how, but he seemed to be outside heading for the front gates. When he got to Hogsmeade and made his way to the Hogshead, he was surprised to see that there were actually people already there... and they all seemed to be cheering. Of course, most people would be cheering, it was the first anniversary of the Dark Lord having been defeated. He turned from them, he had come here in hopes of avoiding a scene, but if people were even going to the Hogshead, then there was no place he could go.
He didn't know how he came to be here, or why it felt so right coming here, but he had to endure Apparating (the sensation causing his headache to come hours earlier than it would have) and was now standing in front of St. Mungo's Hospital.
He asked the nurse to find him the right room, and before he could leave the nurse performed the sobering charm on him. He really wished she hadn't but she wouldn't let him go on without it. Now his head was clear and so was the pain. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to do this, but he made himself walk into the room. There was a few other people in the room but his eyes were on only one of them... James Potter.
"What are you doing here Snape?" James said in an eerie voice, as if he was talking form a distance.
"It's October 31st?" Severus answered, watching as James's face crumbled.
"I know," he whispered bowing his head. "You'd think that this day of all days I could just forget who I am... everything... but I can't..."
Severus didn't say anything as he looked at the man that he had hated for more than half his life.
James didn't say anything either, he seemed to be collapsing into himself as Severus stared at him. He heard James muttering but the words were untangle to him. Severus moved to take the seat next to James, and then stared at the opposite wall. He realized then why he had come here, for there was only one man that understood what he was feeling on this day, and it was the one sitting in the bed, muttering to himself.
"Why are you here?" James asked suddenly, and Severus realized he had been there for hours.
"There's nowhere else I can be right now," Severus answered, it was odd to be this honest with this man, but he didn't have enough energy in him to lie.
"Sitting by a crazy man?" James questioned.
"Sitting by the only other person to know what a horrible travesty today was," Severus corrected.
"Why did you save me Snape?" James asked. "I thought you would've left me to rot."
"Would you have left me to rot?" Snape countered, he wasn't about to be this honest with Potter.
"No," James answered simply. "L..." he broke off, breathing heavily.
Severus flinched, knowing exactly what James was going to say; Lily wouldn't have wanted that. "That's why I didn't leave you."
"Thought so," James grimaced and then turned to his side facing the wall and didn't move again, though Severus knew he wasn't asleep.
He left not long after that, knowing that the next year he was going to be coming back.
O
Through the years it had been difficult living his life, finding it hard not to regret failing to do the things he should have done and saying the things he should have said to change things. It had been nearly ten years since she was gone and he had a bitter life now, though he tried to be the man that she believed him to be. He did as Dumbledore had told him, he stayed close to the Death Eaters that had managed to stay out of Azkaban, despite their obvious involvement with the Dark Lord. It was easy, they didn't suspect that he was actually working for Dumbledore... why would he?
He worked at Hogwarts, teaching kids Potions. It wasn't so bad, though it was tedious at times. There were far too few students that were good at potions for his taste and far too many imbeciles that often cause accidents. It was also painful to always being in the dungeon classroom for it reminded him of the time that he had classes with her, always trying to outdo one another. He wished Dumbledore could have just given him the Defense post, but he understood why that couldn't happen... the job truly was cursed. Still, living at Hogwarts most of the year was good, for it felt like more like a home than Spinner's End ever had.
He could tell that most of the students didn't like him, which only increased when he became the head of Slytherin, but he didn't really care about that. He favored his house because he knew no one else would. He kept the students on a close leash because he knew fear was one way of making sure they would pay attention in class, and it worked for the most part. But that was about to change.
Potter was to be coming to school the next day and he wasn't sure how he would react to the boy. He had, in a large part, come to terms with his hatred of James over the last few years. He had seen him every year on Halloween, sitting by the man that went through various degrees of sanity. He found that he could not truly hate this man after everything that he had given up to try and protect Lily from her fate, though his efforts were useless in the end.
So, he wasn't sure what he was going to feel like seeing Potter's son here at Hogwarts all the time but he knew it was going to be difficult on him. Then the boy was there and he was reminded so much of James in that moment and how much he was picked on that it was easy to sneer at the boy. It wasn't until his first lesson with the boy and he was able to see the emerald green eyes that he had truly understood how difficult it was to have the boy around. It was so easy to see his friend in those eyes.
So it wasn't so hard for him to act petty and questioned the boy about potions and their ingredients that he shouldn't have known. The boy, however, surprised him. He seemed to be quite advance in the subject, and answered the questions far better than he would have expected. His potion making skills were by no means as good as his mothers, but it seemed that he was not ignorant.
Then the boy come to talk to him and he mentioned his friendship with Lily. He could see so much of his friend in the boy and he found himself sharing far more information than was good for him. He kept a close eye on the boy and watched his characteristics. He was too much like his father and clearly thought a lot of himself, however, he never instigated a fight. He had gone and squabbled with Malfoy to be sure, but Severus was able to see that it was mostly his student that started them... that didn't mean that he didn't dock points off of Gryffindor and punish Harry. He had to appear to despise the boy after all.
He talked to Dumbledore about his observation about the boy and the old man seemed to be very interested, though not surprised by what he said. Then Dumbledore made an odd request for him... he was asked to watch Quirrell closely. Dumbledore had never before asked him to keep an eyes on anyone, so of course he was curious as to why.
It was easy to see almost immediately that Quirrell was up to something. He was always lurking around the third flood corridor, and there was just something about the way he acted that was off. Like he was trying to fool everyone to believe that he was weak... of course Severus partially wanted to believe this because he didn't like thinking of anyone being as much of a stuttering fool as this guy.
As soon as Quirrell said that there was a troll in the dungeon he knew what was going to happen. How none of the other Professors (besides Dumbledore he was sure) could not be suspicious of this man he knew not, it seemed so obvious to him. Unfortunately he had not been informed of the dangerous three headed dog that Dumbledore had enlisted to guard the trapdoor that lead to the Stone. He didn't find it all that easy to get back out of the door as the heads tried to corner them.
However, as soon as he did get out of the door he ran into Quirrell, stuttering that he thought he heard screaming coming from the door and he was trying to investigate. As if, if Quirrell was really the coward he seemed to be playing he would have ran from the screams, not towards them. Just as Severus was about to questioned him, however, there was there was a loud roar and the sounds of a scuffle, and the two of them was running towards the sound.
He was surprisingly concerned when he found Harry there, the mountain troll laying unconscious. He actually cared whether this boy was hurt? Huh? He didn't expect that. Of course he didn't want Lily's son to be hurt, it was the only reason why he agreed to stay here... agreed to help Dumbledore. He never expected that he would like the boy, though. But Harry had just enough of his mother in him that Severus found him compelling.
Of course, the fact that he felt concern for the boy only made him angrier. Didn't Potter see how dangerous it was for him to go wandering around, facing a mountain troll well before he was capable of handling it. Okay, so he did knock the beast out... or his friend did at least... but to risk his life after what Lily had done for him was just wrong. He didn't pay attention to the story that Granger gave, she wouldn't have looked for the troll no matter how much she felt she could handle it... no, she would have done as she was told.
Severus was sure that Harry had gone to that bathroom because he wanted to save his friend, and after that realization it was a lot harder for him to resent Harry for his choice. He would like to believe that he would have gone to help Lily out if he was placed in Harry situation. He also had to admit that there was a certain similarity to Harry's friendship to Granger as his own to Lily's.
After Halloween Severus didn't take his eye off of Quirrell, and he tried to bully the other professor to tell him what his plans were, but it seemed that Quirrell wasn't as weak as he liked to look. Oh sure he still stuttered, and looked like he was cowering from him, but he didn't break. It was after Christmas break and he saw Quirrell watching Harry closely and left the Great Hall soon after the boy. He wasn't sure what Quirrell thought he was going to accomplish but he knew that whatever it was it didn't bode well for Harry. So he followed the Defense Professor for a distance, to the Quidditch Pitch. Before he could reach Quirrell, though, he noticed that Harry was struggling to keep on his broom. Knowing that something was wrong, he started muttering a countercurse as quickly as he could but it wasn't any use, it was much to late to try and fight the curse that was put on the boys broom.
So he waited anxiously for the boy to fall, and he could immediately perform the charm to slow him down. It wouldn't have prevented the boy from being hurt, but it would make it so that the fall wasn't fatal. Still, he was rather glad when the Weasley twins, who he thought's only purposes of existing were to be annoying, grabbed Harry as he fell, slowing him down even more.
As soon as he knew the boy was okay, shocked by the feeling that he wanted to go to the boy to see if he was really okay, he looked around. Of course he didn't see Quirrell out there, nor did he find him slinking back to the castle, but he knew it was him that had tried to kill Potter. Again, he decided to keep a closer eye on the professor.
Then there was the blasted dragon incident. He was infuriated that he had to dock points off one of his own students in a public manner like that. Of course, it wasn't all Harry's fault, Draco had acted like a fool to be so blunt and to insist on something even when he knew the evidence was against him. He made sure that Draco had learned his lesson though... he had to be more sneaky the next time he tried to pull something like that off. However, he did have to admit that Potter had inherited his father's sense of humor, pulling pranks and enjoying making other people miserable.
He felt completely justified taking points away from Potter for merely speaking, he was the one that had caused the problem after all. Besides, it only bolstered the idea that he hated Potter and that was important. Then Potter had to go and explain himself in the Detention that he had given the boy and Severus had to admit that the way the boy had used the situation to his advantage was very Slytherin.
During the last month of the term he increased his watch on Quirrell and Potter, but it seemed like neither one did anything suspicious. That was until that night. McGonagall had come to him telling him about the disturbing amount of evidence that Harry had gather throughout this year (Severus was actually impressed that he had learned so much). Most of the information went along with what he himself had found out.
"I don't see how anyone could be foolish enough to try and steal the Stone, but Potter has made a good point," McGonagall sighed, "with Albus gone, the castle just isn't as secure... I'm going to have all the professors and the prefects patrol."
"It probably would be a good idea to inform Dumbledore of this matter," Severus said.
"Hm... I was thinking the same thing, I've sent a owl to the Ministry, but I'm not sure how long it will take to reach him," McGonagall sighed.
"Just out of curiosity, what did you say to Potter after he told you this?" Severus questioned.
"I told him it was good for him to warn me and that he didn't have to worry about this anymore," McGonagall said frowning.
"I see," Severus said, feeling apprehensive about this. He didn't know why, but he was sure Harry was going to try to make sure that the stone was safe. Though of course it would be foolish for the boy to do as much, he was sure of this fact. He promised McGonagall that he would do an extra patrol, all the while making plans to go down to the chamber where the Stone was hidden.
It wasn't really that difficult for him to get past all of the enchantments, for Dumbledore had shown him the way down that would bypass the spells. He felt that this wasn't the smartest move the old Headmaster could make, for really, with something as potentially dangerous as the Philosopher's Stone could be, he should not have trusted anyone with the secret of how to get to the chamber easily. However, when he was standing in front of the Mirror of Erised, he knew that he could never be a risk to the Stone. For the only thing he could see in the Mirror was Lily, no matter how much he wondered how this could involve the Stone.
He was no stranger to the Mirror of Erised, he had stumbled across it years ago, and he found that he was drawn to the vision of him and Lily living out a happy life together just as much as he once had. If the fire had not been so loud when came to life, marking that someone was in the room with the riddle and potions that he made, he likely would have keep staring at the Mirror forever.
However, his attention was on the door and twenty minutes later Quirrell walked through the flames, a triumphant look on his face before he saw that Severus was there.
"What are you doing there?" Quirrell exclaimed.
"I'm here to stop you," Severus said simply.
"But... how did you get down here... it took me all year to learn how to get pass all the enchantments!" Quirrell said.
"It's as much as I would expect from a mediocre wizard such as you," Severus said coldly.
"Mediocre!" Quirrell snorted, raising his wand. "I'll show you who is mediocre! Stupefy!"
Severus blocked the spell easily rolling his eyes at the impotence of this wizard. How he expected to get out of here with the stone was beyond him. "Impedimenta," he said lazily, flicking his wand and Quirrell was knocked off his feet.
"Enough!" said a cold, high pitched voice that sent a shiver down Severus' spine for he knew who was speaking.
"Master!" Quirrell said, his face was pale.
"Fool! Can you do nothing!" the cold voice said in disdain and Severus had to shiver again, he had heard that tone before and it always meant pain to whoever it was that was being spoken to. "Let me speak to him!"
"Master, no..." Quirrell's voice quivered.
"Now!" the command was given, and Severus felt as if he couldn't move his body at all as he waited Quirrell take off his turban to reveal the Dark Lord to be sticking out of the back of his head. "It's been a long time, Severus." he said as if they were having a normal conversation.
"My lord," Severus answered, his mind blank as he looked into the red eyes of his old master. He tried to gather himself, wondering what Voldemort was reading from him, but as shock at seeing him was the only thing that Severus was thinking about... his whole mind filled with it, that was all that Voldemort could see.
"You call me my Lord," Voldemort said, almost sounding amused now.
Severus didn't say anything. He still seemed to be having trouble moving, his eyes drifted to the wand in Quirrell's hand, and though he had no fear of the man, he knew that Voldemort was a real danger.
"I wonder if you really mean that, or if you have truly turned to Dumbledore," Voldemort said, seeming to be satisfied about Severus' lack of movement, and obvious fear.
"No, my lord," Severus said weakly, though his mind was in order now. He was now employing the story he had been working on the last ten years and he prayed it would be enough. "I've only been working here as you instructed me to..."
"Do not lie to me!" Voldemort said sharply, and his red eyes glowed in his fury. "Do you expect me to believe that you kept your job on my orders?"
"No... my Lord," Severus flinched back from the angry that was coming of Voldemort. "I... I was... I was trying to stay out of Azkaban..." he stuttered out, his eyes wide in fear. "Dumbledore believed I was his spy... and they were arresting everyone... I..."
"I see," Voldemort said, no longer angry, but his tone was more chilling than ever. "You denied that you ever worked for me... you saved your own skin..."
"M-my Lord... I-I..." Severus stuttered. "I didn't believe that..."
"That I still lived," Voldemort said softly. "Well, clearly you were wrong. But I think we should get into that later, for now it is time to prove where your loyalties really lie. I did not want to reveal myself to you, but as you have pointed out, I have no choice but to rely on this mediocre wizard." Voldemort was filled with disgust as he said this. "For none of my able Death Eaters have deemed it necessary to look for me... which I assure you I will address later."
"M-my..." Severus started to say, flinching again at the glare that he was getting.
"Never mind that now," Voldemort waved him off metaphorically. "I believed that you would turn me in to Dumbledore if I were to come to you." Severus shook his head, but Voldemort didn't seem to take any notice of this, "I could not go to you if there was even the slightest chance of that, but now that you are down here, it seems that I will know the truth. Well you help be get the Stone or will you prove to, in fact, be a spy?"
"I'll help..." Severus said. "But sir... I do not know how to get it out of this Mirror!"
Voldemort eyes traveled to the mirror of the first time and as he looked at it he smiled. However, soon his smile faded and he muttered, "what is this Mirror."
"It's the Mirror of Erised, it shows you whatever your desire is," Severus answer eagerly. "I know Dumbledore has left the Stone in this... I was not trying before My Lord, for I believed that Quirrell was the one that was trying to steal the Stone for himself and..."
"What do you see in the Mirror now?" Voldemort interrupted him. And Severus had no choice but the look into the mirror, but before he could look into it the flames rose again and Severus tried not to react: Potter was coming.
"It seems that someone else is coming to join us," Voldemort said.
"It's Potter, I know it," Quirrell said.
"Yes, the boy believed that someone was going to steal the Stone today," Severus said. "That is why I came down here."
"I see," Voldemort said with a smile that Severus knew didn't bode well for Harry. "Now isn't this interesting."
"I believe that it would probably would be wise if we used Potter to get the stone," Severus suggested. "I don't know what enchantments Dumbledore has put on this Mirror, but it's safe to say that he would think of everything there is to keep one of us from getting it."
"Hm... fine, we'll use the boy," Voldemort agreed, and Quirrell faced the flames just as Harry walked through (after only ten minutes).
"Both of you!" Harry groaned, directing a devastated glare at Severus. The boy was obviously feeling betrayed that he was there. This, however, wasn't a bad thing, as long as Potter was angry with him it was less likely that Voldemort would discover that Severus and the boy had any kind of relationship.
"I was wondering if you would join us, Potter," Snape said, his lip curling up into a smile.
"Shut up!" Harry hissed at him, his voice full of rage and betrayal.
"I really must thank you," Snape said. "I never would have come down here if Minerva didn't inform me that you feared someone was going to attempt to steal the Stone today. I was not surprise to find that Quirinus here was the one that was going to make the attempt, but I did have another surprise..."
"What..?" Harry said, looking around the room, taking in his surroundings and noticing for the first time that the Mirror of Erised was there.
"Turn around," Voldemort command Quirrell as as soon as Voldemort was facing Harry the boy winced in pain.
"Harry Potter!" Voldemort said in the same high pitched voice. "We meet again... look at what..."
"There is nothing that I have to say to you... nor do I care about anything you have to say," Harry said as coldly as he could, trying to mask his fear, but Severus wasn't fooled. Severus had to try to hide his groan... now wasn't the time to be arrogant. If Voldemort hadn't needed Harry, he was sure that the boy would have been killed already.
"Someone really needs to teach you some manners," Voldemort said, shaking Quirrel's head. Severus could hear the threat behind those words, but Harry didn't seem to. "I would..."
"No thanks," Harry said, and then flinched in pain as Voldemort glared at him.
However, Voldemort took a deep breath, "I was just questioning Severus here about how to get the Stone out of the mirror... but I think you might be of more assistance than he was."
"And why would I assist you?" Harry hissed.
Voldemort smiled at that, but his eyes stayed cold... they looked cruel.
Severus knew what he had to do, he had to force Harry to look into the Mirror. For if he didn't, Voldemort would torture the boy.
"Dumbledore has hidden the stone inside," Severus said, making his voice sound harsh, for Voldemort had to believe that he hated this boy, and that he was trying to obey Voldemort's orders. "Tell us, Potter, what do you see?"
He watched as Harry tried to think of something, and he prayed the boy would not actually get the stone out of it.
"Potter!" Severus snapped, seeing that Voldemort was growing impatient. "Look into the mirror."
As Harry looked into the Mirror, Severus' eyes moved towards it as well, though he knew it was dangerous for him to look at it. If Voldemort was reading his mind it wouldn't be good, but he couldn't help himself.
However, he was shocked that when he looked into the Mirror. He didn't see Lily this time, but he saw himself protecting the boy. He looked away quickly, that thought was even more dangerous than the other... more unsettling as well.
He heard Harry groan, and saw Voldemort smile, and he knew it was coming. He was going to have to prevent Harry from getting hurt at all cost.
Then Harry shifted and was looking at the Mirror, confused.
"Tell me what you see," Snape found himself demanding.
"I... er... I saw myself winning the house cup..." Harry answered, still looking at the mirror curiously.
"Don't lie to me, boy. It is no use lying to Lord Voldemort," Voldemort said in a deadly voice. "I know that the Stone is in your pocket..."
"No... it's not," Harry said, and the tone in his voice cause Voldemort to hesitate, for Harry sounded stunned, and not afraid like he had expected him to... like all his other victims had. Severus himself was stunned, he was sure that Harry had the Stone.
"He is not lying to you," a new voice said, coming from the direction of the fire. "In your joy to read that the boy had the Stone, you didn't realize that he actually put it back in the mirror!"
Severus eyes shot towards Dumbledore and fear filled him, for he wasn't sure what he was to do now.
"Dumbledore!" Voldemort hissed, and caused Quirrell's body to lunge at Harry.
Severus turned, raising his wand to do something, what he wasn't sure, but he wasn't going to let the boy get hurt. However, he didn't have to do anything. As soon as Quirrell touched the boy, he was screaming.
"Master, it burns!" Quirrell shouted, and that was what looked to be happening. Quirrell's skin seemed to be burning, and turning to ash. Quirrell loosened his hold on Harry, trying to get away from the boy.
"Hold on to him you fool!" Voldemort commanded, Dumbledore was advancing on them and it seemed Voldemort was afraid of what he was going to do. Quirrell's arms tighten around Harry again... the boy screamed more than ever, and so did Quirrell. The latter's body seemed to be burning now, as he tried to hold onto the boy and as Severus moved to pry the two apart, Quirrell's body disentarated.
However, that did nothing to Voldemort's essence. Severus wasn't sure what it was he was looking at, but there seemed to be a decrepid form of Voldemort trying to get away. Dumbledore made a move toward Voldemort.
"Potter!" Severus said, catching the boy as he fell to the ground. Dumbledore looked at them and Voldemort used that moment to escape.
Dumbledore glared at the fleeing creature, but he didn't waste more time on him, he went to kneel down next to Severus.
"How bad is he?" Dumbledore asked worried.
"I'm not sure," Severus said, the boy was limp in his arms. "Dumbledore... what happened? How did you get here...?"
"Minerva's owl got to me as I was about to get to the Ministry and I turned around to get here as quickly as I could," Dumbledore said. "And I can't be sure what happened to Harry, but it's important that we get to the hospital wing as quickly as possible."
Severus nodded his head, he couldn't believe how worried he was.
"Severus... you take Harry," Dumbledore said looking towards the the door way where the flames came from. "I have a feeling that the boy did not come down here alone... I need to check if anyone else is down here."
"Okay," Severus said, holding Harry with care as he went as quickly as he could to the hospital wing. He had to make sure that Harry wasn't hurt. Not long after that, he was placing Harry on a cot and calling for Madam Pomfrey to look over Harry. The Nurse immediately went to work, and was frowning in no time.
"The boy has nearly exhausted all of his magical reserves," Pomfrey sighed. "I fear if he exerts himself any farther he may not be able to recover from this. Severus, what has happened?"
"It's a long story... is he going to be all right?" Severus asked.
"Yes, though he will be unconscious for a while," Pomfrey sighed. "There is nothing I can give him to help him recover any quicker. Only rest can help him."
Severus nodded his head, and Madam Pomfrey left him alone with Harry. Severus just stared down at Lily's son hoping he would be okay, and that someday he would understand what had happened today. What he had to do to make sure Harry stayed safe.
A/N: Okay, I hope that made sense. I just wanted to added that the part where Severus is trying ot convince Voldemort that he's still a Death Eater, any of the emotions or thoughts I had him had was the thoughts that he was trying to show Voldemort and not his real reactions to the infromation. And some of you wondered why I had Severus down in the chamber and why Dumbledore came earlier and the reason for that is that McGonagall had taken Harry's warning seriously and had upped the security of the Stone.
As another note, I'm still not sure what animagus forms I going to use, but I do know that I'm not going to use either mythological creatures, though I know they are real in this wizarding world, it just doesn't feel right to have them be something like that. Second, I kind of don't want to use their patronus forms either. I want to come up with a more original idea. And lastly, I think I want Harry to be some kind of canidae from (being like a fox, jackel, coyote etc...) becaue then he would fit with Sirius (dog) and Remus (wolf)... just a thought. But I know for sure that I'm not going to make Harry a dog and I don't really want to make him a wolf (but I might except that).
Anyways, I'm thinking that the next chapter I'm going to have the talk with Dumbledore and then Harry talking with his friend and the chapter after that I will have them talking the potion to finding out what animagus froms they will take. And then I'm going to take a break for a little while because I really have to try and figure out what I'm going to do for the second year and even more difficult the third year.
