All disclaimers apply

Ch. 28- The Big Job- Part 2- To the Job, Sir

"Jayne! Jayne! What the hell is going on!" Mal was irate. What was his hired gun doing, flirting with some floosy in the middle of a job, and with his girlfriend on the other end of the wire? Another hole started forming at the end of his rake.

Jayne, for his part, was trying to do his job. Furthermore, he was also trying to save his relationship with River. He gathered his thoughts northward again, grabbed the escort's shoulders, and pushed. Hard. She stumbled backwards, trying to catch her balance by grabbing at the desk before she hit the floor. The animal model-in-progress went flying across the room, ricocheted off the wall, and hit the floor in pieces. A small, black box tumbled out of the framework and came to a stop in the middle of the floor.

River, who had ripped off her comm and started to leave the bridge when she heard Jayne's squeak, had her attention pulled back to the viewscreen when she heard the loud screeching of the irate falling woman. And with Jayne's body turned toward the center of the room, she saw it. She shoved what was supposed to be David's comforting arm out of her way and jumped back into the pilot's seat and grabbed her comm.

"There! Jayne, on the floor! It's not in the safe!"

Jayne looked toward the wrecked animal model and, eyes widening, leaped over the woman to grab at the box. But the escort, incensed at being thrown off by a mere 'scientist', reach up and swatted at Jayne's trailing ankle, effectively throwing off his balance and bringing him down. He landed with a heavy grunt broadsides, his arm reaching out for the box.

With his momentum thrown, his hand smacked the Key away from him and off the leg of the desk. Hard enough that a crack appeared in the casing.

"Li shu tian teng!"

"You bastard!" the woman screeched. Jayne tried to gather himself and hush her at the same time.

"Look, Lady, I'm sure yer real nice and all, but, ah, I have a deadline to meet, and, ah, I'm real sorry and all, but I'ma not gonna be able to accommodate ya, so maybe ya need to be on yer way."

Back on Serenity's bridge, River was trying very hard to keep her mind on the job, but it was getting harder now that the man had opened his mouth. She was used to hearing Simon say stupid things to Kaylee, but she had not heard the same coming from Jayne before. 'Real nice'?? Where the hell did he get off telling that whore that she was 'real nice'?!

Behind her, David kept shifting forward and backward with little steps. He wanted to console River over Jayne's behavior, but didn't want to die in the process. Also, from what he could tell, he honestly thought Jayne hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't like he had invited the whore along on the job.

River's head whipped around as if possessed. "STAY out of this," she hissed eerily. David shifted back a step and stayed.

Jayne had managed to right himself and grab the box. He carefully slid it into the pocket of his lab coat and stepped over to the escort. He reached down as she was crawling to her feet and tried to help her, but she swatted his hand away.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" she snapped. "You're no scientist. I would know, I've had a few, they have money after all. And I have never met one with such an uneducated, rim-worlder accent. I'm calling security."

"Wait a sec- won't you get in trouble for breaking in here?"

"Breaking in? Honey, the only thing that I may have 'broken in' on my way in would be the freight entrance guard." She sniffed haughtily and reached for the door.

Jayne said a silent prayer that his Ma would never find out what he was about to do to a woman, but he had no choice. Just as she went to grab the doorknob, he stepped up behind her raising his fist to knock her out.

"Jayne, don't!" River's voice echoed in his ear. She had just noticed a guard patrol coming down the hall. "Security alert, use the woman to extricate yourself."

"Got it," he answered.

"Who are you talking to?" demanded the woman.

Jayne smiled knowingly. "A real woman," he said simply.

Up on Serenity's bridge, River smiled shyly to herself.

&&&&&&&

The comm in Zoe's ear clicked.

"Zoe? Zoe, it's Simon. Ah, ten-four?"

Zoe sighed as Wash covered his mouth in a guffaw. "Yes, Simon, I'm here, working. What do you need?"

"Ah, yeah, ten-four, I just wanted to check in with you and see if everyone's okay so far."

"So far, so good," Wash interrupted. "Ten-four, little buddy." He clicked his comm off and commenced giggling and sliding down in his seat. Zoe tried to glare at him, but ended up grinning at his antics and Simon's inexperienced communication. Which was exactly the moment the Alliance guards chose to finish sneaking up along the side of the van.

Zoe saw the first one in Wash's side view mirror- and quickly elbowed the one on her side before she even finished turning around. She jumped out to finish him off and came face to face with the barrel end of a rifle held by another.

Wash wasn't so lucky. He gasped and jumped as Zoe hit her attacker, then whipped right to see if anyone was on his side, to be met with a misted spray in his face. He gagged and coughed as he twisted in his seat to get away, eyes screwed tightly shut.

The guard grabbed Wash by the collar and dragged him out of the van, letting him fall to the ground. On his hands and knees he caught his breath, shook his head. Then he opened his eyes.

"Zoe?! Zo, you okay? Where are you?!"

"Right here, honey. Don't panic, everything will be okay."

"Get over there!" the guard roughly shoved Zoe around the van to stand beside her husband.

"Zo! Where are you?" Wash was whipping his head from side to side wildly.

"I'm standing right next to you. Wash? What's wrong? Wash!"

Wash jerked his head in the direction of Zoe's voice. His eyes were wide open, but—

"Zo, I can't see. I can't see gorram thing."

&&&&&&&

Jayne waited for River's signal as the guards continued to approach. As they passed the door chatting jovially, the escort managed to emit a loud squeak despite Jayne's hand over her mouth. The chatting outside stopped.

"They've stopped and are looking back," River whispered into Jayne's ear.

Sure enough, the doorknob started to turn. The woman struggled against Jayne's large hand wrapped around her wrists behind her, but he hung on. One more moment, and…

Bam! The door swung open quickly and smacked the wall. Element of surprise or not, it was the guards who were surprised to immediately get a faceful of female thrust into them. Everyone fell/was shoved back into the hall as Jayne ramrodded his way through. He gave one final, forceful shove to the right and took off left, sprinting back down the way he had come. Neither one of the guards managed to clear the woman off of them in time to get off a shot. And by the time she was unceremoniously shoved aside, they were already behind in the chase. Jayne may have been a big guy, but he could sprint come crunch time.

One of the security guards grabbed his radio to call ahead but was met with static. "Huang ce hua!!"

Back on the bridge, River and David laughed and high-fived each other. Just because they had been ordered to stay onboard didn't mean they couldn't participate in the fun.

Jayne took several turns back towards the main entrance hoping that Inara was still working her wiles on the front desk guards. As he rounded another corner he suddenly came to a skidding stop. In the middle of the hallway in front of him sat a small, fuzzy, long-haired gray cat. It looked up at him with golden eyes and meowed a friendly hello. The feline seemed out of place in an office building, but as Jayne could hear some sounds of pursuit he decided he didn't have any more time to waste contemplating the incongruousness of soft warm fur in a linoleum covered world.

As he stepped forward to resume his escape, however, he heard the kitty emit another sound. A not-so-pleasant one. Rather resembling the sound a 'possum might make while giving birth to a twelve point buck.

Jayne hesitated and started to move forward and sideways, skirting the little itty bitty kitty, when its eyes started to glow. He hesitated again, then heard the pitter-patter of more feet. From around the corner came several more similar looking felines, pausing behind the first one. And then a few more.

And then a few more.

Jayne could almost swear they were forming up behind the one who had initially greeted him. He started to back up.

"Oh, I've got a bad feeling about this."

Translations:

Li shu tian teng!: Bunny licking flying dragons!

Huang ce hua!: Bloody plot!