Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Joss Whedon. I don't own 'How Can I Tell You' by Liz Durrett.
Title: How Can I Tell You?
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Characters: Faith, Buffy
Emotion: Crushed
Rating: R
Spoilers: Takes place during season 3.
Summary: A continuation of 'Roses Are Red, Faith Is Blue'. Faith made it to the Bronze with the card meant for Buffy. This is the result.
How can I tell you that I love you?
I love you, but I can't think of right words to say.
I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you.
I'm always thinking of you, but my words just blow away.
Just blow away.
Faith stepped into the Bronze, and immediately greeted with the warmth created by the bodies surrounding her. It was a nice contrast from the chill of the night outside. She shrugged off her leather jacket and draped it over her arm before sweeping her gaze over the club. It didn't take long for her to find what she was looking for.
Buffy was dancing in the middle of her group of friends. She somehow managed to look beautiful and adorable in a light pink dress made out of some soft-looking material. It was strapless, and showed just the slightest hint of cleavage. Just sexy enough to leave you wanting her without being out-right sexual.
Her brown eyes took in the smile on the blonde's face, and felt her own mouth pulling up into one. She fingered the envelope in her hands, suddenly feeling incredibly nervous. She looked down at her own dress, wondering if it was okay. It had thin straps, a plunging neckline and was crimson red. It practically screamed sex, but then again, Faith could wear a garbage bag and still exude that aura of sexuality. She left her hair down in a mess of soft curls and waves, and her lips were blood-red. She'd read in some magazine that if you wanted to draw attention to your lips, you went light on the eyes. So, her eyes were a light bronze for once.
She prayed Cosmo was right.
Feeling herself begin to break out in a nervous sweat, she shook her head and chided herself for being such a pussy. Just get your ass over there, give her the Lehane-grin, hand her the card and wait for the fireworks. Suck it up!
She took a deep breath and made her way through the mass of dancing bodies.
It always ends up in one thing, honey.
And I can't think of words to say.
She stopped a few feet away. Willow and Xander had yet to notice her, as did her Golden Girl. She screamed at herself mentally to keep going, but her heart was hammering in her chest and her legs felt like they were made of lead. Letting out a groan, she turned and made her way to the bar. She lifted someone's beer, ignored their protests and remarks about how she was a 'bitch', and made her way up the stairs to the balcony.
"C'mon, Lehane. This shit has to stop. Just have a drink, chill out, and just go down there and do it. No more fucking around," she muttered to herself.
She took a sip of the beer and let out a sigh as a warmth began to spread throughout her veins. It wasn't Jack Daniels, but it would have to do. She looked out at the crowd of couples, all happily dancing, making out, or practically fucking. Actually, if you look at the couches in the back hard enough, there may actually be some literal fucking going on, she mused as she nursed her drink.
Wherever I am, I'm always walking with you.
I'm always walking with you, but I look and you're not there.
Whoever I'm with, I'm always talking to you.
I'm always talking to you, and I'm sad that you can't hear.
Sad that you can't hear.
As a slow song came on, Xander and Willow moved to their respective partners, leaving Buffy solo. Faith straightened her posture, clutched the envelope tightly and took a deep breath. This was her moment. Buffy was moving to sit at a table and was trying her best not to look hurt, but Faith could sense it. She could feel the blonde's loneliness pulsing in her chest like it was her own. Fuck, maybe it was.
The brunette made her way down the stairs and weaved through the slow-dancing couples. Still, the Scoobies had yet to notice her. Then again, ever since Faith had shown up, they rarely did unless it was some dire situation. But that was fine. Buffy noticed her, and that was all that mattered.
She noticed Buffy shiver and knew that the older Slayer had sensed her coming. She was a bit surprised. Faith could always sense her coming a mile away. Whatever. She's distracted. Doesn't mean anything.
She saw Buffy look up and search the crowed before her green eyes fell on Faith. The brunette saw her pupils dilate as they took in her dress and the way it hugged her body in all the right places. Faith cringed inside as Buffy's eyes drifted down to her boots. Her combat boots were all she owned. Despite this new wave of insecurity, her cocky smile never faltered. She was Faith Lehane, god-damn it. She could make worn-out sneakers look better than Gucci.
"Hey, B," she greeted. Buffy looked stunned for a moment before regaining her composure and smiling.
"Hey. I didn't know you were coming here tonight," she said. Faith draped her jacket across the chair before sitting across from her. She held the envelope on her lap, out of sight. She shrugged and looked around. "Nowhere better to be. Vamps aren't really out tonight, the world isn't ending, and this is the only place in town that plays decent music," she babbled. Buffy cocked an eyebrow. She understood why. Faith was never very talkative outside of patrolling.
Letting it slide, Buffy looked around. "Well, it's Valentine's Day. So it's pretty much a couple-atmosphere. Or couple-ing. I think there are people getting pelvic on the couches," she said, scrunching her nose in adorable disgust. Faith grinned. "Well, don't worry, Twinkie. You're not the only person who came here stag," she assured her. The blonde looked surprised. "Really? I thought you would've come with someone."
Faith leaned toward the table to rest her elbows on it, the card still safely in her lap. "Nah. Valentine's Day is a bit too mushy for me." Says the girl with a fucking love-note on her lap. She shrugged. "Besides, I can snag a guy any day. Tonight I felt more like chilling with a certain blonde Chosen One," she said with a smile. She was pleasantly surprised when Buffy slowly returned it, albeit with a light blush.
It always adds up to one thing, honey,
When I look and you're not there.
I need to know you.
Need to feel my arms around you.
Feel my arms around you, like a sea around a shore.
Buffy looked around at the other couples dancing, and Faith noticed her face fall again. She scrambled to distract her and do her best to get that smile back.
"You look really pretty tonight."
WHAT THE FUCK, LEHANE?
Buffy looked at her, blinking with wide eyes. Despite her best efforts, Faith felt herself blush from head to toe. She had no idea how to save herself from that, or how the hell Buffy would handle it. The blonde blushed, too, before smiling warmly.
"You look beautiful, Faith."
She was pretty sure her skin-tone was now matching her dress. Buffy Summers, the girl of her dreams, just said she looked beautiful. She had no idea what to say. No one had ever called her that before. 'Sexy', 'hot', 'fine', sure. But beautiful?
She looked down at the card in her lap, now more determined than ever. She tried to swallow, but her mouth was suddenly dry.
"Hey, B, there was something I..."
Buffy smiled, waiting patiently for Faith to continue.
"I mean, there's something I wanted to..."
"Buffy."
They both looked up at the new person standing at their table. Buffy's eyes lit up.
Faith's darkened.
And each night and day I pray and hope that I might find you.
And hope that I might find you, 'cause hearts can do no more.
And it always adds up to one thing honey,
Still I kneel upon the floor.
Angel was dressed in a gorgeous silk shirt and perfectly pressed black slacks. Fuck, even his shoes were polished to perfection. His dark eyes took in Faith's form. It may have just been her, but she could have sworn he saw them narrow slightly for a fraction of a second.
"Hello, Faith."
She forced a smile. "Hey," she returned. Seeming satisfied, he turned his attention back to Buffy.
"Happy Valentine's Day," he said, and offered her a rose. A single, red rose.
Pft. I would've gotten her at least a dozen. Cheap dick.
Buffy accepted the flower like it was the fucking Holy Grail. Something incredibly precious and fragile. Angel glanced at Faith, and she wondered if he was sizing her up. Determined not to be intimidated, she straightened her back and locked her jaw. To anyone looking at them, they would've seen three friends (or two lovers and an aquaintence). But Angel could sense the challenge rolling off of her.
"Would you mind if I stole her away for a moment?"
Though he was asking, he knew Faith really had no choice. What could she say without coming off as a bitch to Buffy? Besides, the blonde was so enraptured with the vamp that there was really no need to ask. She'd be surprised if Buffy even remembered Faith was there.
Still, she was about to risk a bitchy retort, when she noticed the look on Buffy's face. The look that Faith knew she always had on her own whenever she laid eyes on the other Slayer. Adoration.
So, she forced a very strained smile and winked. "Have at it, kiddos," she said. Buffy threw her a thankful smile before standing up. "I'll be back after the song is over," she promised. But she knew it was a promise the blonde couldn't keep. She knew Angel had no intention of leaving Buffy alone again. Especially since she was pretty sure he knew Faith was interested in her. And maybe, just maybe, that Buffy reciprocated those feelings just a tiny bit.
How can I tell you that I love you? I love you, but I can't think of right words to say.
I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you.
I'm always thinking of you.
She watched Buffy walk away with Angel, and even tortured herself by watching them slow-dance for a little while. But she couldn't watch as he bent to kiss her, or as she responded with a passion that gripped Faith's heart like a vice. She looked down at the card in her lap, feeling humiliated and stupid, and tossed the thing on the table before grabbing her jacket and walking away.
Angel watched her leave with mixed emotions. He was jealous. The connection she and Buffy shared was one neither he, nor anyone else, would ever be able to understand. He could tell, also, that his lover was attracted to her. Even if she didn't acknowledge it, he could tell.
He also felt sorry for the girl, because he knew that it would never work, just as he and Buffy would never work. He was lucky to have these moments with her, but he knew, deep down, that it was doomed. He could never give her what she needed, just as Faith could never give her what she deserved. He knew what it was like to be in love with this girl, and know he could never really have her. And so he felt sympathy for the young girl leaving so crushed.
His eyes fell on the card she left behind. Should he give it to Buffy? Let her decide how she felt and what she wanted? Or should he just leave it?
"I love you."
Her murmur in his ear decided for him. He wrapped his arms around her more tightly, and pressed a kiss against her hair. He would have to leave her in the end. Even if it damned him more, for this little while, he would be selfish.
It always adds up to one thing, honey, And I can't think of right words to say.
