"So…?" Jack didn't even wait till Lisa was back at the chopping board to hear what had happened in Amy's room. The woman gave her husband a quick glance, then getting back to slicing, wondering what she could say. They shared a lot of things with Jack, but for some reason Lisa wanted to keep the conversation with Amy somewhat confidential, if only to prove that she was trustworthy, even if the granddaughter wouldn't even know the difference. But she would, and that was why Lisa chose her words carefully.
"Well, she's definitely going through something. It's not like I didn't know that already based on what you and Lou have told me, but she's… somehow distant, hard to figure out", Lisa was trying to describe the feeling she had had while being with Amy in her room. "So I just talked about some things that might make her think about everything. I know she's a good girl, I have faith in her, so even if it seems like she's abandoned some things right now, people don't just change like that completely. And knowing she's a lot like you, she's bound to come back eventually. I don't know what the root of the problem is, but something tells me she doesn't either. But that's for her to figure out. She's definitely trying to move on from Ty. Whatever happened with them?" Lisa frowned and piled the oranges to a plate before waving her hand right by her head. "You know what, don't tell me. I feel like all this keeping secrets and going behind backs is getting too much for me as it is. If people want me to know something, they'll tell themselves."
"What are you saying…?" Jack asked and came to the table with the toast.
"Well, I know we agreed we'd tell everyone about our wedding when Amy gets back", Lisa's voice was now lower, almost like a whisper, "but with everything's that's going on… maybe the timing isn't right for that."
"You realize this is you talking? And not me, being stubborn about things?" Jack had to say it, because he was always hearing about how he was against things by default or he was too stubborn to face a difference, but now it was all coming from Lisa and that way it made things more even with them.
Jack also couldn't help but feel relief that Lisa shared the feeling he already had; ever since Amy's departure, Jack had been careful not to reveal that he had married Lisa without telling anyone (not even Tim, but that bugger had found out anyway by snooping around). At first it had been about not wanting to steal Amy's thunder and then it was because the whole family wasn't around to hear the announcement, and for Jack, that was really important. But the longer time went on, the harder it was to find the right time. Now that Ty and Amy had broken off their engagement, Jack thought announcing their marriage would come of somewhat gloating. For these past months, and especially now that Amy was back, he had been threading Lisa to bring up the topic and him having to be the difficult one - again.
But now, the tables had turned.
"I do", Lisa said, recognizing the tone is Jack's voice, "but I guess I just want to be sensitive and reasonable about this. The timing has to be right. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I want people to be happy for us. But now, the atmosphere is just… not that happy. Besides, Amy needs us now."
"Hmm, I agree", Jack nodded. "But… it doesn't matter whether we make the announcement or not, because you're still my lovely wife even if nobody knows about it", he gave her a kiss. Lisa smiled, immediately feeling better.
"And you're my lovely husband", Lisa's eyes were almost in the shape of hearts.
Meanwhile, Amy sneaked out of her room and turned to knock on Lou's door. It was around the usual time her big sister woke up, so Amy figured getting her up few minutes earlier wasn't going to do that much damage.
"Lou… Can I come in…?" Amy said through the door.
"Yeah…" Lou's sleepy voice answered. Amy then entered and gently closed the door behind her. The older sister was lying on her back, her eyes closed and chest slowly heaving up and down. It seemed like she had fallen back asleep within seconds after answering.
"You asleep?"
"No… I'm just resting my eyes…" Lou assured. Amy pulled up the cover next to her and adjusted her body onto the Peter's side of the bed. "What is it…?"
"I feel… heavy. Like there's too much gravity in my body", Amy spoke, trying to put into words what she was feeling.
"What do you mean…?" Lou asked, frowning, her eyes still closed even if she was listening. Amy swallowed down the lump in her throat.
"Like ever since I came back… things just felt much more real than they did in Europe. I think I'm only now realizing that I actually broke up with Ty", Amy spoke, wondering if this was crazy since it had already been two months since she had handed her ring back to him. But in Europe, she had had blinders on: only what happened there and then mattered. "That the life I had planned for years is not something I can come back to because it's not gonna happen without Ty."
Lou opened her eyes and turned on her side, watching her sister with a concerned expression. She could see tears in the corner of Amy's eyes and her nose was making sniffling sounds. It was obvious she was upset.
"Back then I just figured it would be for the best for us to go separate ways… He was there, but he hated everything that Europe presented. If that was going to be my future, how could I have him by my side if he wasn't ready to support me while I was living my life that way? We promised we were going to do things together, he promised to support me no matter what", Amy went on.
"But he did. He came to Europe to support you", Lou explained.
"He was supporting the old me, the person who left Hudson", Amy said. "But not who I had become. And I'm not mad at him. I'm not. Just… I didn't want to live like that. He wanted the dream we had back here, I wanted to see this through."
"So that's why you called it off?" Lou guessed. Amy nodded.
"I remembered what he once said to me; that he'd stand by me no matter what. And that promise he made was really important to me - you know how I've had hard time trusting anything ever since mom. But I trusted him. His promise made me feel safe, it made me feel good knowing that I could take that leap of faith and he'd be there with me, and that I could grow, knowing that he'd still have my back. But we grew apart somewhere along the way. I don't think neither of us expected that", Amy figured. "I'm not even sure when it happened."
"But did you try to work it out…? I'm just asking because for the longest time I felt like Peter and I weren't on the same page, like we had forgotten who we were and why we loved each other, but this couple's counselling, it's been helping a little bit. I feel like we were always so stubborn to make our own voices heard that we never really thought about what the other one was feeling. Like we were making noise just to stop ourselves from hearing what the other one was saying. It's really bizarre now that I think about it. So even if we felt like the other one was making some sense, we were too afraid to admit it. I remember thinking "if I give up now, he'll think I'll always just agree to everything". We were so proud. So eventually it wasn't a relationship anymore, it was this… war we were having. Which is ridiculous, because we were supposed to be married and in love, but instead we were just staying together because we were too afraid to change anything. But now we had to sit down and face each other, without interruptions and there was no escape", Lou confessed.
"We always try and try, but… I didn't see any reason for it anymore. Back in Europe, I didn't think I could come back to this", Amy said. "I seriously thought my life would go on like it did in France, but now I'm not too sure."
"What do you mean? You were thinking on staying, for good?" Lou tried to shake away the traces of sleep off of herself, because this was something she didn't want to miss. She had assumed Amy would just come back and everything would go back to normal, but now it seemed like things weren't as simple as she thought them to be.
"I was", Amy nodded. "Ahmed made me an offer, but it was before this thing happened…"
"What thing?" Lou immediately worried.
"With his horse", Amy began to speak, feeling her chest getting heavier again. "We were on top of the world, everything was going great, I thought I was really getting hang of things, but it all came crashing down. One of his horses was injured during rehearsals and he thought it might be better to have him euthanized. But I insisted, no, I fought for Ahmed to give the horse another chance, so he did. The surgery was risky, he pulled through, but… the horse was not the same. Ahmed spent thousands of euros on him, only to find out he wasn't performing right anymore and the quality of his life was… bad." The tears started to stream down Amy's face. "So eventually they had to put him down. He spent weeks looking after the horse and gave me more responsibility in return, only to have it all go to waste. I didn't feel very confident, especially when his staff started to turn against me, saying it was my fault we weren't doing better. So after four months, we didn't place well in the competitions and everything was just… chaotic. Everyone hated each other."
"Oh Amy", Lou said and stroked her tears away, "that wasn't your fault. Of course you tried whatever you thought was best. These things… are hard to predict, no matter how hard you work on them. But you're home now and the contract's off, right?"
"He's still waiting for my response", Amy said, sniffling. "I don't know why, but I feel like I owe him that… Like I need to make things right."
"But you're not going back, right? It was horrible, you can't put yourself in that position again, it's not healthy", Lou felt very protective of her baby sister.
"I don't know. I feel like I deserve it. Like it was what I committed to and I blew it… I let everyone down; myself, Ty, Ahmed, his staff, the horses, you guys… I ruined everything… Everything."
The crying was now coming out in full sobs. Lou hurried to hug her sister, promising to hold her until she'd feel better again.
