Grif Siblings. Grif doesn't think he has a choice when it comes to enlisting

Wondering Why We're Here
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Grif Siblings: For You

The letter had stains on it exactly where Dexter held his thumbs every time he bothered to pull it out. Which was a lot, especially after getting fired again.

The tool he had for a boss probably took some sick pleasure out of firing him knowing it was only a few weeks before Dex was going to be forcibly deployed anyway. The asshole. Really, all he had done was make Dexter Grif's choices a little easier for him: he didn't have a choice anymore.

Summer and Winter weren't really accurate descriptions of the seasons in Honolulu, a better description was that he was sitting on the beach during the one sunny day in the rainy season.

When he looked out, he couldn't help but take in with a guilty breath just how beautiful everything there was. The paper wrinkled with the shaking of his hands.

Kaikaina was coming in from the water, unmatching swimwear and bright sunkissed smile, her hand painted board under her arm. Just because she was soaked and dripping, she made a point to duck in under the umbrella and hug him and kiss his cheek sloppily.

She was trying to annoy him. It was making him cry.

"Yeesh, you going to stick under here all day?" she grouched, not yet noticing the way he was trembling beside her. Kai plopped down on the towel behind Dex, resting her back against his. She let her slopping wet hair run down his neck. "One of the only days that you let me skip school and you're being such a bum, I swear."

He took a deep breath, choking back on his tears, swallowing them down as he tried to think his way through what to say next. How to tell her what decisions he was making for the rest of her life.

"Bro?" she asked curiously.

Dexter exhaled, ignoring how Kai's hands curled around his shoulders and she leaned in to look at his face. Her face was drawn up in concern. "Dex?"

"Hey, uh… Sis?" he began, looking at her weakly. "Did… did you know the circus is on the off season in the bungalows?" he asked.

"Oh, man, that's just on the other side of the island," she said, looking off toward town. "We could probably go there this weekend! See mom again! You didn't tell me she called, Dex!" she growled, punching his shoulder.

He rolled with it, unable to muster strength to pull the miserable look off his face. He was so tired for someone who was only just seventeen.

Kaikaina's face faltered again. She turned her head to the side. "Dex?"

"I was actually thinking… let's go visit her tomorrow," Grif explained, looking down to his hands. "You've not seen her since June, right? Well, it's important for a girl to be with her mom, so I think it's high time we did that. We'll stop at that spot on Mauna Kea, make some snowmen like we used to. Make a real good trip out of it."

When he looked up, he realized his baby sister had backed off from him, eyes wide and more than a little frightened. "Bro… you're scaring me…"

"Kai, listen to me," he said, getting to his knees and leaning toward her.

"No! You told me we couldn't stay with Mom and the circus anymore, Dex! Why do you want to go back? What's going on?" Kaikaina looked so terrified it made Grif almost feel sick.

He backed off, put his hands solidly on his lap and tried to blink away the blurriness. "Kai, I just… I don't think I have any choice," he said. "I think I've got to go."

"Go? Go where?" Kai pressed before her eyes drifted down to the paper on Dexter's lap. He watched as her face began to lose color. "But… but everyone dies in the war… I don't know anyone who's come back."

"You're fifteen. You don't know that many people," he tried to reason back only to receive a piercing glare from his sister. "Kai, listen–"

"Why? Why don't you have a choice?" she demanded.

"Because!" he growled. "I'm a piece of shit and I can't keep a job to take care of you!"

When he gathered his senses, he looked to his sister to see her face crumbling, falling with tears as she began to curl in on herself. She was sobbing, which was making him begin to cry even more.

"No, no, Sis, please–"

"I don't want you to go!" she wailed. "Dex, please! I'll get a job! I'll help – Big Bro, no!"

"Kai, please," but he couldn't maintain it any longer. He covered his eyes with his hand and tried so hard to not just melt into the sand right then and there, never leave his home

His sister's sobbing were loud, body shaking – enough so that Grif was able to reach over to her without looking and wrap his hand around hers. He held tight, so tight that he could almost trick himself into believing they'd never let go.