Day nineteen! Wow. Ha… Nineteen new one-shots. I've done good, yeah? This has actually been fun. Maybe I'll do this again sometime. Ooh, maybe in October? An entire month of scary one-shots? I'll think about it.

Anyway, it's another song-inspired one-shot. This time, the song is "Buy the Stars" by Marina and the Diamonds. This one was hard to write for a completely different reason than the last one (this one didn't make me sad). In this one, I had to give out minor and cryptic spoilers about Lara's relationship with Mianite because the song was very fitting of their father/daughter relationship (yes, I know the song is probably about a romantic couple, but there's really no couples that fit this bill) as the series goes on. If you read into the lyrics and what this is about, you'll probably be able to piece together how their relationship develops easily enough and goes from a happy one, to one that Lara feels is extremely negative.

Note for JustAnotherGuest: This probably took place, I'd guess, almost immediately after M3.


You bought a star in the sky tonight

Because your life is dark and it needs some light

You named it after me, but I'm not yours to keep

Because you'll never see, that the stars are free

Lara can pinpoint the exact moment everything changed. Now that she knows better, she can see without rose-colored glasses that her relationship with her 'father' has never been one that's been positive. After all, if she thinks about her reason for existing, she can understand that she's never quite been considered more than a favorable possession. In hindsight, she realizes that she knows exactly what happened to annoy Mianite. But, as she looks across the room at the very person he feels so offensive and wrong, she knows she could never return to that place that Mianite wants her to fall into.

She loves Jay too much to lose him for so a petty reason, and she's learned the hard way that trying to give him up is worse than cutting her own wings from her body. Losing her ability to fly, or dying, is favorable over seeing Jay so distraught and knowing that she's been the one to hurt him. Mianite isn't even worth seeing that. So, if loving Jay is a sign of disloyalty, then she doesn't mind living in sin.

Oh we don't own our heavens now

We only own our hell

And if you don't know that by now

Then you don't know me that well

"Lara, come home," Mianite says. It's probably somewhere past the thirtieth time he's tried to convince her to return with him – but where? The Aether isn't her home, and the temple is wonderful, but after certain things occurred, it no longer appreciates Jay's presence.

"I am home," she replies. "Here, in this building, is my home. Mine and Jay's."

Mianite scowls at the mention of Jay and Lara barely resists the urge to scowl back at him. The only reason she manages to is because something knots in her when she considers it, easily stopping her before she can do anything. She quietly curses the trained-obedience.

"I'd prefer he nowhere near you," he grumbles.

"I'd prefer you nowhere near her," Jay snaps over as he lands next to Lara. His arm loops around her waist as he pulls her closer to himself.

Mianite glares at the two. Lara knows that he's only upset by Jay's show of affection, but she also knows very well that Jay is only being quite so public about his display because Mianite is present to see it. It's not that Jay doesn't mind showing off his love for her, but it's rare that either of them will actively seek to make it public quite so strongly.

"I'd—"

"Enough. I'm tired. Jay, it's getting late. Let's go to bed," Lara interrupts. Before either man can protest, she slips out of Jay's arm, grabs his hand, and pulls him along towards the house. In truth, she's hardly tired – it's barely evening – but she doesn't enjoy the feeling of guilt that washes over her when the two fight. Instinct screams to support her 'father', but affection demands supporting Jay. The feeling always leaves her a bit ill.

All my life I've been so lonely

All in the name of being holy

Still, you'd like to think you know me

You keep buyin' stars

Since her childhood, she's been loyal. She's been a good 'daughter' and did what her 'father' told her without question. Without doubt that, one day, he would become so cross with her for simply making a choice that didn't match up with his. She'd tried, multiple times, to give Jay up because seeing Mianite displeased is something that makes her feel uncomfortable; seeing Jay hurt, however, had made her feel even worse.

She's never had anything that she considers hers before. Mianite had never tried to make her wary of Jace or of Ianite's Guardian; he'd never warded her off from Dianite or Ianite, either. Jay is the first thing she has ever made a claim of, and the first thing that Mianite has ever actively tried to destroy and take away from her. The one thing that makes her happiest is the one thing that Mianite can't stand.

And she loathes him for that. She loathes the fact that Mianite feels he has any right to judge Jay based on the actions of the god that created him, when Jay has proven time and time again that he will go above and beyond for her. Mianite accuses him of being evil and having a hidden agenda, but Lara refuses to hear it. Jay is so wonderful to her. He loves her so much, and she loves him in return. But Mianite doesn't see it, or he doesn't care to.

And you could buy up all of the stars,

But it wouldn't change who you are

You're still living life in the dark

It's just who you are

It's just who you are

She paces around the Overworld. The behavior has become a compulsion now, and she hates that it has been. Her days, for months, are spent trying to make peace between Jay and Mianite, but her conversations with the latter always end in a demand that she "return home."

She is home. Jay is her home. Wherever Jay is, she's home. It's such a simple little concept, and she hardly sees why a god finds it so difficult. Perhaps it's why she's found herself lingering closer to Dianite – because Dianite will listen and understand. Dianite has only changed for the better since Jinx came along.

Dianite understands love; Mianite understands loyalty.

You bought a star in the sky tonight

And in your man-made dark

The light inside you died

Admittedly, though, Lara can remember having a good childhood – a happy one. She can remember her 'father' reading to her and teaching her tricks. Her 'father' was always visiting her, bringing with him something new and fun that she could learn about. He would take her to villages and to the ocean so she could examine the living things there. He would tell her stories – ones she knows now were skewed and biased and wrong – about the other gods. Once upon a time, she didn't regret calling Mianite her 'father' proudly; now, she can't.

Mianite has changed so much – or maybe, it's just that her perception of him has. Maybe she's finally seeing that he's not the all-powerful figure she once thought him to be. Instead, he's just a coward, shouting villain and wolf whenever he feels something is evil, even if it's not. For all the stories he told her of the evil that was Void, she can see now that the two gods really aren't so different.

And, gods, doesn't that kill her to think?

Oh we don't own our heavens now

We only own our hell

And if you don't know that by now

Then you don't know me that well

She tries not think about how much it hurts to have two of the most important men in her life be at war for no reason other than what either one feels is best for her. It leaves her feeling annoyed with both of them. Sick to her stomach over the thoughts of how her own greedy indecision hangs them both by strings attached to her fingers. Mianite comes running if she calls; Jay is at her side within a beat if she needs him. She hates it. She hates it so much.

But she doesn't want to lose either one. Losing her 'father' means turning her back on her very reason for being, and despite how cold Mianite has grown towards her, she still likes to think that he once held love for her. She likes to believe that her memories of her childhood weren't just seen through rose-colored glasses. There has to be some truth to them, right?

At the same time, though, Jay is the only thing that's ever been hers. He's one of the few things that make her genuinely happy. That makes her smile and laugh, despite all the time they've not seen eye-to-eye. Jay is the best thing that's come into her life since she'd met Jace as a child. To wait almost a century of time between things that make her happy feels too long, and she's not willing to wait for nearly another century for something like Jay to come along again. Not when Jay is already there, eager to see her happy and to give her love.

All my life I've been so lonely

All in the name of being holy

Still, you'd like to think you own me

You keep buyin' stars

It's not fair to ask her to be alone. It's not fair and it's not right, and she knows this. When she's been so good to her father and so loyal, doesn't she deserve something in return? Something like Jay, that makes her happy? That loves her?

Why can't Mianite just see that Jay is good for her?

Why can't Mianite just understand that she loves Jay, and that nothing will make her hurt him again?

Why can't she just have both of them happily in her life without it being a competition between Mianite trying to claim ownership, and Jay trying to claim love?

And you could buy up all of the stars,

But it wouldn't change who you are

You're still living life in the dark

It's just who you are

It's just who you are

He won't change.

She comes to that realization after Jay and Mianite spend yet another day fighting about stupid things. It's pointless to listen to them fight because neither of them really do much. They throw insults, growl, and pretend like they're going to attack one another until Lara drags one of them away.

She feels like she does when she has to clean up for the Mianitees, something that she hasn't had to do for years. Her heart feels heavy and her limbs and mind both feel exhausted. Every step is tedious. Treading on a line that she has no idea which side is which of. Love, or loyalty? Mianite, or Jay?

Only one of them is asking her to choose.

And he won't change.

You know only how to own me

You know only how to own me

"I only want what's best for you, and the Void-born isn't it," Mianite growls.

"No, you want what's best for you!" She glares at him. "You don't want me happy. You want Jay gone because you see Void when you look at him, when in reality, Jay is wonderful. Jay is everything Void could only dream of being."

"Has he really affected you and manipulated you this much that you refuse to see your mistake?" He asks.

"Mistake?" Lara echoes. "My mistake is expecting my father to care about me. You don't. All you want is your loyal little girl back. The little child you could control, who was afraid of the shadows and the dark because her daddy told her to be. The moment I chose to think for myself was the moment you decided I was no longer worth your effort. You decided to disown me as quickly as Void did Jay, just because I want something that makes me happy without caring about your approval."

"My—"

"No! Don't. You don't own me. You don't get to make these decisions for me. If Jay brings harm to me, then I've made my mistakes and I'll deal with the consequences, whatever they may be – but I promise you, he won't. He loves me too much to harm me. I won't bring pain to him again by making a mistake in choosing you over him. That was my fault and my error, and I've learned from that. I choose Jay. I love Jay."

You're buying stars to shut out the light

We come alone and alone we die

And no matter how hard you try

I'll always belong in the sky

She doesn't regret her choice. Jay is the love of her life, and Lara is very much a person who believes true love happens once in a lifetime. She only wishes, constantly, that her faith in Jay could be accepted by Mianite, rather than him instilling panic in her and making her feel guilty for trying to be happy.

But he won't change.

And you could buy up all of the stars,

But it wouldn't change who you are.

You're still living life in the dark

It's just who you are

It's just who you are

Lara looks up at the sky as it thunders. Her wings are an absolute mess, puffed up and bristled, twitching at every single strike. Mianite is angry, and she knows that. He's been angry for days. She cares, but she feels a strange disconnect between herself and her 'father'. She still feels the compulsion to try and solve whatever problem is hurting him, but she knows she'll be unwilling to respond to it.

Jay places a blanket over her shoulders and sits next to her, much calmer about the storm. "How're you handling it?" He asks.

"I'm… handling it," she replies.

He nods, understanding that the response is one of negativity rather than reassurance. "He's not important. Don't let him get to you."

"He's my father, Jay. He's all I've ever known," she points out, "I'm supposed to be a good daughter and a good Guardian, and instead, I'm doing just the opposite."

Jay chuckles. "Yeah. You're sitting with the enemy. Shame on you, Lara." He shakes his head, interlocking their fingers and keeping them captured. It's a silent sign of a promise that they made, and one she's grateful that Jay has never broken. "In all seriousness, though – and it may shock you that I can be serious – but if he doesn't like the fact that you're happy, why does it matter what he thinks at all?"

Lara waits a moment, trying to come up with a reason why it does. All she keeps returning to is her compulsion to see to it that Mianite is safe and well.

"I suppose I'm not sure," she admits.

"Then let's let you be happy. If that's not with me, then okay. But I hope it is."

"It is."

It's who you are

It's who you are

It's who you are

It's who you are

It's who you are

It's who you are

It's who you are

It's who you are

Mianite won't change.

But neither will she.

Lara will always choose Jay. No matter the mistakes Jay might make, or the ones she might – she will always choose love over loyalty. Because love comes with an agreement of loyalty. Love comes with trust and other wonderful things that she decides she likes.

Love, unlike Mianite's version of loyalty, does not reduce her to a possession meant for people to fight for claim over.