Hi everyone, I'm back again, finals are over so I should be able to update more frequently:) Oh and just warning you that there is a bit of one sided smut in this chapter. I would like to thank NinjaMonkey20 for the review, always appreciated. And like always, JKR owns this entire world, unfortunately.
Floating, I Watched
I awoke feeling like I was in a dream; light and calm, floating about as if I didn't have a care in the world. The feeling reminded me of drifting off to sleep in front of the fireplace, it was warm and I was lethargic. My vision was fuzzy and I couldn't decipher where I was, but I knew it was bright and stark white. Only the vague outlines of whatever world I was in were visible.
My hearing was just as fuzzy as my sight, if not more so. I could hear something, there was a commotion going on wherever I was, but it just sounded like the noise a television would make if you had left it on and went outside. The sound was low, faraway and almost undetectable, but it was there.
My thoughts were affected by this state as well, they were jumping around and undecipherable and I was not able to concentrate on anything. I wanted to think of what was going on, I wanted to know where I was, but my mind wandered and was sleepy. It felt almost as if I had been given a sedative, I was high and loopy.
I wasn't quite sure what was happening or why, and I stayed in the hazy sate of ignorance for I don't know how long. It seemed to be years and minutes all at the same time. But after some time had passed my vision and hearing seemed to be getting clearer, the sound came first and the noises were getting louder and more distinguishable.
I heard voices, in British accents, I thought this strange as my thoughts also became clearer, I knew I wasn't British.
More time passed as my senses began returning to their prior clarity. I heard the commotion continuing, men and women frantically scampering about, yelling to one another about potions and antidotes, using medical jargon I couldn't understand. I knew what they where doing was important but I couldn't remember why. Then I heard the commotion recede and a calm take over the room.
"She's stabilizing" I heard. I felt this was a good thing, I wondered who she was?
After a while I heard one group of women and men leave as another group moved into the room. Whoever they were I was glad they were here, but then I felt my heart drop as I realized they were crying; crying for the woman in the room. My sight became clearer and I saw who was there, I knew these people, I was sure I did, but I seemed unable to place them.
I felt something for all of them, especially the man with the black hair. He looked so sullen and pale, his grey eyes were bloodshot and he was looking at the woman in the bed as if silently pleading with her to wake up.
Another woman was there too; she had the same black hair, and was looking just as torn up as the man. Her body was strewn across the woman in the bed, and she was sobbing loudly into her chest. My heart ached for her and I felt a need to comfort her rising up stronger than the hazy feeling that was telling me to sleep. They all looked so familiar and as my mind began to unfog I realized who they where… who she was.
She was me, Colleen, and I was there looking half dead, with a bubble head charm around my face in the bed of a hospital which I assumed to be Saint Mungo's. And the people in the room with me were my friends; the only family I had left and they were crying and hurt.
The sullen man was Sirius and the woman lying across me was Jen. The others where in the room as well, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Charlie all looking equally as helpless and scared.
But if I was in the bed dying, how was I looking at myself from across the room? I used my new sight to look down; I was a slightly transparent version of myself, wearing the same clothes I had on earlier that day. I couldn't feel anything, not the pain I knew I should be feeling, the pain my body was feeling; I looked at myself sleeping in the bed and it was not a peaceful sleep, I was anguished.
What the hell was happening? I asked myself frantically. I knew I wasn't dead, not yet.
Was this Limbo? Was I dying? Maybe I was dead, perhaps my soul was ready to move on but my body was forced to hold on due to the charms.
NO! I screamed although no one heard me, well maybe God. I was not ready to die; I was twenty fucking six years old. I should be thinking of my career, my wedding and popping out a few babies and such, not lying in a hospital bed as my body shut down. That was for old people, not me.
I wracked my brain trying desperately to remember what had occurred and how I had ended up in this state. My mind traveled back on the events of the previous day, or at least what I thought was the previous day; I wasn't quite sure how long I had been there. I recalled breakfast with Sirius, and our engagement announcements in the papers. I remembered him leaving for work and me having lunch with Luna, talking about a reporting job; I knew I made it home after that.
But what the hell had happened to land me in the hospital? I knew there was a note from Sirius and a box of Godiva.
And there it was… Grace Pearson, that stupid fucking bitch had poisoned my chocolate, that's why I was here, that's why everyone I knew was so miserable. So help me God, once I woke up and had my body back again, I was going to kick the living shit out of her.
But that was the dilemma, how to get me back into…well me. I realized that no one saw my ghostly form, they were more than focused on my body lying helplessly in the bed. There was no way they were going to be of any help. It looked like it was just me, myself and I; I just hoped that would be good enough.
I tried the most obvious thing and the only thing I could think to do. Going over to myself and laying down on top of my body, trying to just plop back in and fuse myself back together. Unfortunately that didn't work and I was just my semi invisible self, lying in my body looking up at the ceiling. Hmm, maybe this was like Peter Pan and I would have to sew myself together. A nice thought but I doubted it.
I got back up and started watching everyone as I floated around them trying to think of how to remedy this situation. Everyone seemed to be in a loss for words, they just stared at me, and some stared at Sirius and some at Jen, no doubt feeling quite sorry for the two of them. Hell, even I felt sorry for them and I was the dying one.
Harry was the first one to speak in a long time "I can't stand just sitting her watching, I have to find out who did this. Come on Ron let's get this bastard." He said standing up.
"It has to fucking be Zabini, or his bitch mother. She's killed all of her husband's and half of them were poisoned. Plus, we just had that fight with them." Sirius told Harry.
'No Sirius, it was Grace, not Zabini, all though now that I think about Druella could have been involved, she was a master with poison, wasn't she?' I said, frustrated that they didn't hear.
Harry shook his head "They are our main suspects, we'll go ask around. See if anyone has knows anything." Hermione agreed with them. "Now that we know she was poisoned with blue ringed octopus venom, I can look and see if anyone has ordered that recently."
The golden Trio hugged me and left the room. They always were the go getters of this outfit.
I thought about what Hermione had said "Blue ringed octopus? Where the fuck did Grace find that?" I knew only a little about that type of poison, but enough to know there was no antidote, muggle nor magical. The venom would just have to work its way out of my system, if it would.
It was completely frustrating to be sitting in the room with everyone, knowing exactly who poisoned me and not be able to say anything. I now know how Sirius must have felt for years, the frustrations of being with the living, but not really with them. But unlike him, I wasn't dead, so why was I stuck outside of my body?
Ginny was trying to comfort Sirius, patting him on the shoulder, telling him I would be okay, and Charlie was rubbing Jen's back trying to calm her down. I had to go and ruin their honeymoon, didn't I? I was a crappy friend. I walked over to her and tried to pet her hair although my hand pretty much went right through her.
"Jen, don't cry, I'll be fine, give it a few day then I'll be on the hunt for enemy number one." I assured her even though she couldn't hear me; maybe I was assuring myself as well.
She picked herself up off my chest and looked to everyone in the room and for a moment I felt sure she had heard me. "She'll be fine, I know it." Jen said this with such conviction that I was forced to believe her. "I hope so Jen" Sirius said as he laid his face in his hands.
"Shit Sirius, don't cry. I'll be okay, I promise." I ran over to him and said, as I unsuccessfully tried grab his hands. I could stand everyone's tears but his; he was the one who was supposed to hold it together.
The only thing I knew to do was antagonize him. "Sirius don't be such a pussy" I practically yelled, and he must have heard in some way because he stood up and punched a hole in the wall next to my bed. "When I find out who did this to her, I am going to fucking kill them!" he roared and punched the wall again making a bigger hole.
Well, at least he had stopped the tears.
The whole room stared at him as if not knowing what to say or do to calm him down. "Fuck, I just don't know what to do." He said miserably looking down at my body. "If she dies…I just, I'll kill myself, I'll fucking kill myself." He yelled as he ran his hands through his hair with a half insane look in his eye. I imagined this is the look everyone saw when he was after Pettigrew.
I had never seen him so worked up before and I was worried that he would kill himself if I died; however stupid an idea that was. Sirius rarely thought things through before he did them, so I decided right then and there, that I would not die.
I didn't have the time for death, I was getting married in a couple months; I had a wedding to plan. I had people that needed me and I was certainly not going to waste all that energy on bringing Sirius back from the dead, only to die when I finally secured him as my fiancé. Hell no, it was not happening.
One of the mediwitches came in and repaired the wall and gave Sirius a calming draught. It seemed to work fairly well and he sat back down and looked a little less stressed. She then went about checking my vitals and recasting the bubblehead charm on me. She also strengthened the charm that was keeping my heart beating. Then turning to Ginny who was the most composed out of all of them said "She seems to be getting stronger; her breathing is more easily and her heartbeat's beginning to regulate."
There was a collective sigh of relief from the room. The witch left soon after and Ginny spoke "I knew she would be okay, it's Colleen; she's not going to let a little poison finish her off, not after everything she's been through." The rest of them shook their heads in agreement. 'Thank you Ginny for showing a little confidence in me' I thought out loud glaring at the others. They knew me, why were they so convinced that I would die?
"Listen, I'm going to tell Harry the good news, you guys should go home and get some sleep for a while since she's doing better, it's 4 in the morning and it's been a really stressful day." Jen agreed to go after some extra coaxing from Charlie, and assurance that she would be notified of any changes, but Sirius refused to leave my side. "I'll sleep here; I don't want her to be alone if she wakes up." He said.
Ginny, Charlie and Jen all hugged Sirius and I goodbye before leaving.
After they were gone Sirius took my hands in his. "Do you have any idea what you are doing to me Darling?" he said choking back a sob. He was going to start this again? How it was possible for my stomach to wrench when I technically didn't have one I'll never know, but it did.
"When I walked into the house and found you unconscious on the floor; it was like James and Lily all over again." He laid his head on my stomach still holding my hands. I was wondering who had found me, and I was sincerely hoping it hadn't been him for that exact reason.
It broke my heart to see him like that, he was always composed, laughing or angry, and I was comfortable with those emotions from him. I didn't know how to handle him upset, and it was worse having to watch, knowing I was the cause for his pain and not being able to do anything to relieve it.
He fell asleep in that position and I watched him, trying to touch him, trying to wake myself up, trying to do anything really. Why couldn't he see me? I could see him when he was dead, and I wasn't even dead yet, he should be able to see me. But no matter how hard I tried to wake him or gain his attention in any way he did not acknowledge my presence. I spent the next few hours attempting to figure out a way to put myself back together.
Sirius woke up when a mediwizard came into deliver him some breakfast and then re-charm me. "She made it through the night; that was the most critical time" the wizard explained to Sirius "That's a very good sign. Her vitals are the same as last night, but they haven't weakened, so that's good" he continued as he checked me all over. Sirius looked immensly relieved.
"Thanks, mate" Sirius told the man as he left to check on his other patients. "You should, eat" the wizard replied pointing to Sirius' breakfast tray before exiting.
"He's right Sirius, you have to eat something" I said to him though I knew he couldn't hear. Luckily he seemed to know this was sound advice and began eating. He talked to me throughout his breakfast.
"I wonder if you can hear me?" he questioned me. "Yes" I replied. I wasn't just going to sit here while I was unconscious, how boring. So it would be a one sided conversation, I could live with that.
"I can't believe you got yourself into this situation" he stated. Like I did it on purpose; it was Grace and my love of chocolate that got me into this mess. Oh and him, he was the one who broke up with her, wasn't he.
He just stared for a while, looking at me with an expression that I was not able to read. "Will you just wake the bloody hell up darling, you're being rather dramatic don't you think?" He said getting annoyed at my unresponsiveness I supposed. Perhaps he thought I would wake up and yell back or contradict him in some way.
"Blue ringed octopus venom; you act like that's a deadly poison or something." He scoffed and rolled his eyes at me. I had to laugh at him, and was glad he was trying to keep the talk positive.
"I'm getting rather horny you know, you have been lying there for over 12 hours and it had been like 12 hours before that" he counted on his fingers. "That's 24 bloody hours of pent up sexual frustration! I suppose I could take you right now, as long as no one walked in" He laughed as if amused by his own thoughts.
24 hours was not such a long time, he'd gone much longer, and somehow I thought being unconscious wouldn't make me a very giving partner. He wouldn't dare, would he? Isn't that considered rape, I actually wouldn't care but I think he might be in trouble if he were caught.
"I would, but I bet you'd be rather angry when you woke up" he sighed "I guess it's just me and my hand today, I really thought we had moved passed this." He said looking down at me shaking his head as he got up to go to the bathroom and I assume jack off.
Hmm, a thought crossed my mind and the voyeur in me took over. I could always spy on him; it might be kind of hot to watch him go at it. Was this wrong? My conscious asked me; no I answered it quickly and defensively. He had peaked on me in all sorts of states while he was a ghost, why shouldn't I do the same. The decision was made.
I followed him into the bathroom, gliding through the closed door; that was a weird experience. It felt like I was walking through J-ello. I found Sirius in the bathroom unzipping his pants and pulling his cock out. He was hard and throbbing by the time grabbed the lotion off the sink to lubricate his hand.
I wondered what he was thinking of to get himself off, and I selfishly hoped it was me. The moment Sirius touched himself his whole body tensed; and he sighed. He was quite rough, much rougher than he was with me. Bracing himself against the wall, he pumped his hand up and down his length quickly; I laughed at the thought of the medical staff walking in on this scene.
I watched his face more closely than I had when we were shagging together, it was erotic staring directly at him as he was wanking. All the little shudders and muscle movements I had never paid attention too, seemed very important now. Taking in his movements, I stored them in my memory so I could do the same to him when I woke up. I longed to really be with him, it was fine to watch but nothing compared to touching him, smelling him, tasting him.
I watched him and fantasized that it was my hand around him and he was touching me in my most intimate spots.
I really needed to get back into my body. It was very frustrating to be completely mentally turned on but not have a body to react in the same way.
After a few minutes of stroking, his breathing became hard and labored and the hand he had placed on the wall was tightened into a fist. He sped up his movements, throwing his head back as he came, groaning and biting his lip.
I watched as he opened his eyes and began to clean himself up, after washing his hands he zipped his pants up and went to sit beside my bed. He leaned in as close to my ear as he could get with the bubblehead charm in his way.
I crouched down by my ear as well to make sure I heard. "Well McAvoy, you've lowered me to wanking in a hospital bathroom, I hope you're pleased with yourself." He whispered. I laughed at him.
"God, I wish you would wake up, I told you before thinking about you shagging me and actually shgging me are quite different" He said as he said as he sat back.
I had always thought that light bulb going off above your head was just an exaggeration, but I swear it really happened.
Wait a minute; I thought to myself…my wishes come true. If I wish it and someone else wishes it at the same time, it happens. Maybe this could work. Maybe this is what I needed to put everything right again.
"I wish I would wake up" I said aloud and determinedly. The next thing I heard was the thunder I had been praying for and I felt myself being whooshed away.
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