No, your eyes are not deceiving you this is a new chapter of ATD. It's been forever and a day. I know. I'm sorry. Let's move on, and try to ignore the new awkwardness in our relationship. Okay, so awkwardness aside, thanks to Ontheturningaway for beta'ing this for me. She's fantastic. There is some rehashing in this chapter of moments from last chapter, but I tried not to be too repetitive. There were just some big moments here. Anyway, I don't know own it.


"Come on, Edward. Let's get the fuck out of here," I say to him, holding out my hand. He looks at me, searching my eyes for only a moment, his brows knitted together. I just need him to take my hand, to come with me, to help me cool off. I can't leave him here with that guy.

Riley.

Ugh. His parents obviously named him that solely because they knew how much he was going to rile me up one day in the future.

When Edward turns back to the table, I can't help the growl of frustration that slips out of my throat. I can't be in here anymore. They're all watching me with wide eyes like I'm a child throwing a tantrum in the grocery store. Shit, maybe I am overreacting, but I can't even handle the idea of someone propositioning my boyfriend, let alone actually witnessing some asshole do it.

I think I'm being pretty damn calm for the most. Let me tell you, I could wipe that smile right off his fucking face if I wanted. I am Jasper. Hear me roar and shit.

"Roar, motherfuckers," I grumble to myself as I turn and walk out of the cafeteria, and I don't stop until I'm outside of the dorm room with my hand on the doorknob. I don't even want to go in, but I have nowhere else to go. I open the door and walk in, slamming it behind me before pacing back and forth.

I'm just so angry, and I know a large part of it is irrational. I do get that. I understand that I shouldn't allow myself to get so worked up.

I just am.

I can't justify it, but it's there. I feel like I'm about to seriously lose my shit. I want to break something. No, I want to DESTROY something! Gritting my teeth, I roll my head back, loosening my neck. My fingers clench and unclench with every heavy breath as I pace the room.

I need to relax. Being this tense is only making things worse.

Calm down, Jasper. Take a deep breath. Come on, just let it go.

The door opens and closes, and I automatically shut my eyes, taking a few more deep and hopefully calming breaths. I finally open my eyes and turn toward him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I can't believe you, Edward," is all I can manage to say.

"What did I do? I wasn't encouraging him!" he yells, his arms out beside his body like he has no idea what this is really about, and in all honesty, he probably doesn't. That fact, though, seems to do nothing to soothe the anger I'm feeling. Why can't the boy just understand?

I yell back that's it not about that guy, and it comes out even louder than I intended. I have got to get control of myself. I close my eyes and clench my fists, digging my blunt fingernails into my palm. When I feel the slight sting, it takes me out of my head enough to calm me down. This is only anger, only an emotion. I compose myself marginally and let him know that this whole thing is only about us, it's always about us.

Edward furrows his brows to the point where they appear to be one on his forehead, and he shakes his head, shrugging his shoulders in what I hope to be confusion and not apathy.

"I don't get why you're angry with me," he states, and I'm not surprised. He never fucking gets it. They say that ignorance is bliss, but that's not true. Ignorance is Edward Cullen.

My teeth grind when I clench my jaw. I look up, locking my eyes with his. "All you had to do was take my hand," I say, practically whispering.

I feel the burn in my eyes before my brain registers what is happening, and I have to blink rapidly to stop the tears that are threatening to fall. Crying is like the last fucking thing I want do. I don't even get why it's happening right now. I think my body is revolting against me.

"I followed you," he says, not taking his eyes off my face.

I'm not good at sharing my emotions. I want him to be able look at me and just know. It's not fair, but it is what it is. He waits for me to say something, and I blurt out everything I was feeling, how I needed him, need him. Without Edward, I think I'd lose myself, but right now, I feel like I'm losing it. I need fresh air; I have to get out of this room before I blow my shit. I can't do that. I can't lose control over my anger. I won't. I refuse.

Edward sucks in a deep breath and puts his hand out to me, and it's so fucking tempting. All I have to do is reach out… and crush his fingers in mine. Yeah, that wouldn't help the situation. Plus, I don't really want to do that. Right now, it's just a little too late, and I tell him so.

"What?" he screams, dropping his hand with a dejected face. "I'm here, Jasper. Don't fucking run away."

I stop at the door. He doesn't know what he's asking. If I stay, I'm not going to be nice. I'm going to yell, and they aren't going to be kind words. I don't want to make this worse than it already is. I'm just still so angry. I need to calm down. I need to get out of here.

He's here, he says, and I know that. Of course, he's here for me in the privacy of our room, but I'm starting to wonder if that's enough for me. It's more than hypocritical of me because I know I just came out of the closet that I hid in for so long. Irrational as it is, I can't change how I feel.

"I know you're here… in this room, Edward," I start, trying to articulate the tornado of thoughts in my head, "but I need you to be there, out there… everywhere, as well."

I don't turn around. I can't allow myself to see his face because I'll never be able to walk out the door, and for my sanity, I need to leave right now.

He begs me not to go, and it would be so easy to give in to his request. We'd embrace, kiss through the anger, making it seem like all the hurt was gone and once again, not talk. Nothing would change. Then, we'd have the audacity to act surprised when this happens again.

My head slumps against the door as I fight the urge to take the easy way out. I remind myself that I'm out of the closet now. I'm ready for more, and it doesn't even have to be that much more. It's such a simple thing. If I want to hold my boy's hand, I want to fucking hold his hand. That's it! Seriously, I talk a big game, but I can only take so much rejection. I tell him so.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…" he says, and he sounds really hurt—which makes it all more difficult. I don't want to hurt him, but at the same time I do. Yet, the thought that I'm hurting him makes me feel like I'm going to throw up, but if I stay, I'll only hurt him worse. It's one giant fucked up Catch-22.

"Don't," I interrupt him, "I'm too worked up to talk about this now. I don't want to say something I'll regret."

"Jasper—"

"I'll be back later."

With that, I'm out the door. The truth is that I don't really have anywhere in particular to go, so I just wander around campus, letting the cold weather cool down my overheated head.

Thirty minutes into my walk, it finally sinks in how much I truly overreacted. It not like anyone has ever described me as level-headed, though. It's just that it's Edward. No one else has the power over me like he does. If it was someone else, I wouldn't have thought twice about it, but when he didn't take my hand, it felt like a slap in the face.

And, if it's been a while since you've been slapped in the face, let me just remind you—it fucking hurts.

I walk around campus it bit longer, all angry and overdramatic like, kicking at the pebbles, but after about an hour of walking and two laps of the entire campus I'm just tired and cold. I don't feel justified about storming out. It's not that it wasn't the right thing to do at that time, but now, the only thing I want to do is crawl into Edward's bed and press my icicle face against his warm chest and apologize for acting like a dick.

Except when I get back to the dorm, he's not there.

Maybe he just went to the bathroom or something, but after a second glance around I see a piece of paper on my bed. My feet feel like lead underneath me when I read his scribbled note. I sit, in shock.

J- Went home. Sorry. – E.

And, that's it.

I turn the paper over, hoping that it says, "Sike!" or "Gotcha!" or even more of an explanation, but the only thing on the other side are some notes and a doodle of that Looney Tune with the giant red mustache. Only Edward would draw Yosemite Sam during class.

I've really fucked up this time. Why did I have to act like such an asshole? It's never enough for me to poke the bee hive. No, I have to fucking kick and stomp it, really get all that shit into a frenzy. And, where does that get me—stung to death by bees like Macaulay Culkin.

A scream of frustration escapes through gritted teeth, and I collapse onto the nearest thing—Edward's bed. I'm neither happy nor proud to admit that I bury my face in his pillow, sucking up the scent through my nose like it's the most delicious smell in the world—which it is.

I don't see how I'm going to function without Edward. He has to come back. He can't leave me; I need him.

I love him.

Oh fuck. I love Edward.

"I love you, Edward," I say aloud to his pillow, "You stupid motherfucker."

I take my cell phone out of my pocket and find his number in the addresses. The knot in my throat is so fucking huge that it hurts to swallow. I have to tell him how I feel. If I tell him, he'll come back right now. I know he will.

Why you wanna blame me for your troubles? Ah ah ah you better learn your lesson yourself. Nobody ever wants to find out what's in my mind tonight…

Well, shit, he left fucking his cellphone here, and his new ringtone is an omniscient little shit.

*~J~*

"Hi, Jasper!"

"Um, hey, Alice. I didn't wake you up did I?" I greet her after a moment. She caught me off guard. Alice apparently doesn't have time for the normal, "hello?" I hate that it has come down to this, but I have emailed and facebooked him and I've gotten nothing in return.

In one of my more pathetic moments, I even called his phone and left a message even though I was holding his phone in my hand when I did it. I just wanted to hear his voice. It was very enlightening because I hadn't realized how dick whipped I was by Edward.

I called Bella last night, but she hadn't heard anything from him either. She was nice enough to invite me over to her dorm, but I wouldn't want to do that. She's better friends with Edward, so I called Rosalie and whined to her.

"No, I've been up for about three hours. The early bird catches the worm… or the last bit of the milk for cereal, ya know?" she says with a giggle.

"Um, yeah," I reply because I feel like I have to.

"Are you looking for Edward?" she asks after an awkward moment of silence.

A let out a giant motherfucking sigh of relief. "He's there?"

"Yeah, he's still asleep. You want me to wake him up?"

"NO!" I yell a lot louder than I intended.

"Uh, okay," she replies, sounding like she's trying to placate a crazy person. I'm sure she probably thinks I'm crazy since I'm calling her pretty early on a Saturday morning.

"He got there last night?" I ask her, needing to know that he's okay, that he is one piece or whatever.

I fight back the questions that are on the tip of my tongue. How could he just leave like that? What time did he get home? Did he look sad? Is he angry with me? It's not like Alice would have the answers to those questions, and I definitely shouldn't burden her with them.

I just wish he wouldn't have left. I mean, I know I left first last night as well, but fuck, I came BACK. That's the difference between the two of us. It's his turn to come back—now preferably.

"Yeah, he was all pouty sadface, and he pretty much begged my dad to come home for the weekend," she says, sounding upset.

"Oh," I reply, trying not to sound all "pouty sadface" myself.

"Jasper, I hate that I need to ask this, but Edward is my brother and he's very important to me, you understand that, right?" she practically growls out. My eyes widen. I know the girl is tiny, but right now, she sounds fucking terrifying.

"I understand," I mumble, my eyes locked on the floor, like I'm too chicken shit to make eye contact, even though we're only talking over the phone. This girl is good, scary good.

"Great," she says, once again sounding cheery. She pauses, taking a deep breath. "Did you hurt him?"

I wish I could answer that question in the negative, but I'd be lying. I did hurt him. I saw it on his face. I heard it in his voice. It was a mutual hurt, though. That shit went both ways. Would that stop five-foot nothing Alice from coming over here and kicking my ass, though? I'm thinking probably not.

"It's complicated," is what I finally deem safe to say in return.

"Hmm," she muses, and the silence that follows starts to fuck with my head. I'm about to admit it all, and just let the wrath of Alice fall on my head. I deserve it, anyway. As I'm about to break, she finally says, "Things are never really complicated, Jasper."

"This just… is," I tell her, fumbling for the right words.

"Why is Edward here?" she asks after a moment, seeking the same answer with a different question.

"You'll have to ask him that. Then after you do, please feel free to call and tell me," I add with a sad laugh. Could I be more melodramatic? Seriously, I feel like I should be throwing a fit that not even the likes of Days of Our Lives has ever seen. My mom watched a lot of soaps growing up. Don't judge me.

"You know, Jasper," she says, her voice dropping into a soothing tone. "Everything is going to be just fine."

"Yeah," I say because I don't know what else to say, and she paused like she wanted me to contribute to the conversation. There, contribution fulfilled. I hope she wasn't looking for me to spout some prose or some shit like that.

"Edward is not the type of guy that just disappears," she continues. "He came home for the weekend, so I guess he needs his family or need to tell us something. I'm not sure why he's here, but I am sure that he'll be coming back."

Right, but will he be coming back as my boyfriend or my estranged roommate? God, the latter is too depressing to even think about.

"Yeah," I mumble again into the phone. I'm really not adding much to this conversation, but what would I say? It's like I can or should voice my concerns to Alice. She doesn't need the burden of my shit on her shoulders. Plus, she doesn't even know I'm dating her brother. Although, she's probably come to some kind of conclusion that our relationship is closer than just friends since I'm acting like a giant baby on the phone with her.

Also, that one time I met her, she knew what was going on between us way before there even was an "us." I doubt she would be surprised if I just told her that Edward and I are dating, but it's not my place. Those words will have to come from her brother.

"I'm sorry you're sad, Jasper," she says, and she sounds truthful. "But," she adds, slipping back into her scary, growling voice, "if I find out that you hurt, Edward, I'll cut your balls off." The freakiest part of that is that by the time she got to the warning concerning my boys her voice was back to its normal, cheery tone. I have a strong feeling that she would actually follow through with that threat. My eyes widen, and my balls tighten automatically, trying to disappear from the crazy girl in Illinois.

"Um, got it," I reply, trying to laugh so I can delude myself into thinking that she's joking.

"Ok, well, I'm going to wake up Crankypants and figure out what's going on. Are you sure you don't want me to tell him you called?"

"I'm sure," I answer. I want him to want to call me, to realize that he's forgotten his phone and that I'm probably sick with fucking worry, pacing the tiny floor of our dorm room and shit. I want him to know that on his own. It's not the same if he has to be told to miss me and to call me.

Shit. I'm turning into a fucking girl.

"Alice just make sure he's okay, and be there for him no matter what," I tell her.

"Of course," she replies. I can hear the smile in her voice. It makes me happy that he has such a supportive family. If I would have been more supportive, this whole situation would have gone a whole different, better way.

"I have a feeling that everything is going to be just fine," Alice muses.

"Well, I hope you're feeling is correct."

She laughs. "They normally are," she answers happily. "Bye!" she calls out, hanging up before I even have a chance to respond.

I look at my phone for a moment in confusion. Those Cullen kids need to work on their phone manners. One doesn't follow normal protocol, and the other one doesn't call at all.

*~J~*

Sunday morning I wake up from a restless sleep. I have a small moment of clarity where I remember all the fucked up details of a fucked up dream, but they quickly filter out of my mind, replaced by the ever pressing realization that Edward is still not here.

It's only been about a month since we started sharing a bed each night, and in the scheme of things, that's not long at all. Still, it feels wrong to be here by myself. And, by here, I mean in Edward's bed where I slept all weekend. I may or may not have hugged his pillow, pretending it was him, but it's romantic and shit to be pining away for your boyfriend in his bed. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

The thought of actually getting up and putting on real clothes crosses my mind, but it would take too much energy to do that, let alone walking to the cafeteria for breakfast. Instant oatmeal will just have to do today. I force myself out from under the covers, nuke some Cinnamon & Spice oatmeal and shuffle down the hall to piss. Once my bladder's empty and I'm back in the room, I wash my hands, climbing immediately back into bed to eat my oatmeal. I turn the television on for some background noise and throw the remote to the other bed. It's just my luck that some stupid, sappy movie is on, but I'm too lazy to get out of bed to flip the channel.

The next thing I know, I'm screaming at the TV, cursing them both for being so stupid.

"Just tell her how you feel, Ben!" I yell. "Use some goddamn courage, you pussy!"

In the end, everything in their perfect movie world is perfect, of course, but it just makes me remember how not perfect my shit is right now. With a big whiny sigh, I bury myself in the blankets and take a nap.

My phone buzzes on the nightstand next to me, waking me out of my sleep, and I reach over, blindly grabbing it.

SeaTac. 4.

That's all the text message says, but it's more than enough to get my ass up and in action. It's already two, so I throw some clothes on, brush my teeth, grab my keys and wallet and lock the door behind me.

Two hours and ten minutes later, I'm standing outside the terminal, waiting impatiently for Edward's plane to disembark. I can't wait to see him. I've been so fucking miserable this entire weekend. I never ever want to leave a situation between us hanging like that again. Sure, there will be fights, but we need to know at the end of the day that no matter what our shit is straight.

I know I started it all by walking out, but I just needed to cool off before I said things I would regret. I had every intention of coming back and talking about shit. Edward didn't just leave the room; he left the fucking state!

I can't help but feel a bit disgruntled by the whole thing. I'm going to kill him for making me so stressed with worry. Well, first I'm going to kiss him, then I'm going to kill him. Hopefully, after the killing, we'll get to kiss some more.

Not even five minutes later, a swarm of people shuffle out, and I smile when I see that mop of disheveled hair. I give myself some time to stare at Edward's face before he sees me. He looks nervous. Does he know I'm here? Did Alice tell him that she sent me that text message? If so, did he expect me to come?

Edward's gaze shifts around aimlessly before he spots me. When he does, it's almost comical. His eyes get all wide, and he stops suddenly, causing the person behind him to run right into the back of him. I watch as he mumbles to the man, never taking his eyes off of me. I smile inwardly at that, but I'm not ready to show him that smile. I have to know what he's going to say first.

He walks over to me, giving me a small smile, seemingly testing the emotional waters between us. Before I even realize it, I'm full on angry whispering, calling him an asshole for leaving the way he did.

And, then, he's wrapping himself around me and pressing his lips to mine, kissing me… in the middle of the fucking airport! People are staring and one woman points, looking like she's all disgusted, but she can go to hell for all I care.

The only thing I care about right now is this boy. When we break the kiss, he smiles at me, all gorgeous like, and tells me, "I'm always going to take your hand from now on."

I can't help the grin that consumes my face. "That's all I ask, Edward," I say to him, watching him grab his bag. I hold out my hand because I want to, and because it's super fitting with the conversation we just had. I mean, how could I not? He slips his hand into mine. I swear, I might blush a little which makes me feel freaking retarded, but I'm happy.

Once our Hallmark moment wears off, the weekend memories creep up on me again. I turn to him, stopping him and say, "And, don't you think by you coming off the plane and going all romantic comedy on me that I've forgotten about you going AWOL this weekend, Edward. Don't ever do that to me again!"

He promises that he won't with a squeeze of his hand, and I swear this boy has got me wrapped around his pinkie finger. I'm cool with it, though because I know what I want him to be wrapped around.
I'm talking about my dick… if you didn't get that.

"Good," I tell him with a small sigh of relief, adding, "Boy, you are lucky that I like you so much."

"I know. I really am," he replies with a happy laugh.

I grab his hand and pull him into me, letting our bodies bounce off of each other. I laugh, and he snorts. I let it slide because I'm a good boyfriend.

I slip my hand into my pocket, pulling out his cell phone. "Missing something?" I ask, handing him his phone.

Edward grimaces as he takes the device from me, putting into his pocket. "I can't believe I forgot this."

"You could have called from a different phone," I tell him. "I was full on freaking the fuck out."

"I'm sorry, Jasper," he apologizes. "I got home so late and then yesterday was filled with all these heavy conversations. I was exhausted and went to bed early. I didn't even realize I didn't have my phone until I started thinking about how I missed you when I was on the plane."

I would have liked if he would have been missing me not just on the plane but over the entire weekend, but getting all worked up about that is not really what we need right now. I'll just have to let that go. I think I'm fucking maturing or something.

"Heavy conversations?" I ask after a moment.

He smiles, taking a deep breath, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand. "I told my dad and sister that I'm gay."

I stop abrubtly, never dropping his hand which causes Edward to snap backwards when he keeps walking. "You did?" I ask. My emotions are pretty much brimming over right now—love, happiness and now pride. Edward is unbelievable.

He nods. "That's why I went home. I needed to tell them."

"How'd they take it?"

"Great. I mean, it was awkward with my dad, but it went well."

"How was it awkward?"

He smiles at me and chuckles. "Dude, he asked me if we should hug it out!"

I laugh, and drop his hand so I can throw my arm over his shoulder, pulling him tight against my body. "I'd like to do a little more than hug it out if you know what I mean," I tell him with a waggle of my eyebrows.

"Oh, I know, Jasper," he smirks. "I know."

"Well come on," I urge with a laugh, picking up the pace to a slight jog.

After a touchy-feely car ride home, my dick is feeling all kinds of suffocated in my jeans. I pull my car into the nearest spot in the parking lot, my mind consumed with ideas on how I'm going to walk into the dorm like a normal person with this giant boner. I could do kind of a wide-leg walk or some kind of waddle, or I guess I could just rock it out, proud and hard.

"What the hell are you thinking about?"

Edward's question breaks into my thoughts. I turn to him, confused. "Huh?"

"You keep adjusting yourself, Jasper, and you have this intense thinking look on your face. I don't want you to strain your brain. I know how hard thinking is for you."

"Har har har," I say, rolling my eyes. "Anyway, it's not thinking that's hard, Edward." I waggle my eyebrows for full effect.

He winks and places his hand on top of my junk, squeezing just oh so fucking right. "Shit!" I hiss, trying to push further into his hand and escape from his teasing grasp at the same time. It's a clusterfuck of a moment, consisting of me humping back and forth a bit which really doesn't help the situation in my pants at all. I mean, it helps it in the fact that it feels freaking fantastic, but it doesn't help me walk into the dorm without a boner.

After a few more pulses of his special massage, I feel like I'm on the verge of soiling my underwear, so I place my hand on top of his, silently begging him to stop… or stroke harder. I'm not exactly sure.

"You feel good, Jasper," he says, his words soft, his fingers pulsing. "Do you like my hand on your cock?"

"Guh," is what my response most resembles which is no good since I was shooting for, "yeah."

"You want more, baby?" he asks. "You want me to suck it, baby?"

I ask with a groan as my eyes roll up in my head. "Are you fucking serious?"

"Yeah, I could just lean over, unzip you and swallow you whole. Would you like that?"

"No, I mean, did you just call me baby… twice?" I ask.

He sighs and it sounds a touch unhappy as he takes his hand off my junk. "You would have to ruin the moment," he tells me, shaking his head.

I showcase my still super hard dick with my hands. "The moment isn't really ruined for me."

"I was all up in it, Jasper, and you destroyed it," he replies, rolling his eyes.

"Um, I'm sorry," I start, giving him a confused look, "but what were you, 'all up in?'" I ask using finger quotes to make my point and because I'm kind of an asshole but a loveable asshole, of course.

"I don't know." He shrugs. "Like, the right mind space."

"Ah, I see… the dick sucking mind space. I think Freud did some studies on that," I muse, rubbing my chin.

"You're an assface."

"And, asses were made to be kissed," I say, winking at him.

He snorts, crossing his arms over his chest. "Not. Gonna. Happen."

That is definitely not the response I want. I decide that if this assface wants a kiss, I'm going to have to sneak over the console and steal it. That sounds good in theory, but I have seriously underestimated my sneaking skills—and my unbuckling myself from my seatbelt skills.

Edward lets out a loud laugh when I'm flung back into my seat. I struggle to get the seatbelt to release the death grip it has over my body, but all I can do is move my arms and head around. Finally, I recover my lapse in brain functioning and release the buckle.

"You think that's funny, Edward?" I ask.

"Yes," he replies all matter of fact like. I'll show him funny.

Holding myself up, I lean over the console to where I can reach him with my mouth. I kiss at the bottom of his neck, making my way up toward his jaw. I let my tongue tease along the jawline I love so much. I sometimes think my boy was chiseled from stone. While my lips are busy with his neck, I unsnap his seatbelt with my free hand. Finally, I reach his ear and lick along the shell of it. I smile when he shudders under my ministrations.

As his breath picks up, I whisper my command, "Run!"

He stares at me for a moment before blinking and seemingly coming back into reality. He grins and then bolts. I hurry to follow him, but as I'm closing the door, I notice he left his bag, so I grab it. Then, because my car is fucking old, I have to go back and lock the doors manually after I forget to do it. By the time I make it to the dorm, he's nowhere to be seen. When I finish my last flight of stairs, I'm having a little trouble catching my breath. I know one guy who is definitely going to the gym tomorrow. He's not in the hallway, so that means he's already in the dorm room.

Damn it! I wanted to catch him! I open the door to find him casually lying on my bed like he didn't just run four flights of stairs. He looks so smug, I want to throttle him, but then he also looks so hot that I want to jump him.

He winks at me, and the jumping scenario quickly becomes the strong winner of the two.

"I just knew you were going to catch me, Jasper," he muses. "I thought you were the runner out of the two of us."

I throw his duffel bag at him. "I had to grab your bag and lock the car doors!" I tell him, rolling my eyes.

"Tsk tsk, Jasper," he reprimands me. "Don't be a sore loser. You're just mad you didn't catch me."

"Whatever," I grumble. "I'm not mad."

I'm a liar. I'm kind of mad. I'm more disappointed than anything. I had planned to have my wicked, wicked way with Edward when I caught him. Don't I get a consolation hand job or something? Shit!

"Oh my god, you actually are mad!" he exclaims, letting out a laugh. "Seriously? It's not a big deal."

"I wanted to catch you!" I yell, and for the life of me, I can't stop it from coming out all whiney.

He stands and walks over to me, wrapping his arms around me. I fight for a second, but then rest my head on his shoulder. It's too easy to give in, and, plus, I fucking love hugs.

"Aw. Wittle Jasper got his feelings hurt," Edward baby-talks. He makes himself laugh. I'm definitely not amused. I hate that baby-talk bullshit.

"Shut up, Edward," I groan into his neck, letting out a snort of air in indignation. "Do you see a fucking toddler in this room?"

He laughs again, holding me a bit tighter. "You're too easy, Jasper," he replies with amusement. "I'm just kidding." He laughs again, sighing happily. "God, I love you," he says, and it's like it just fucking rolls off his tongue.

My body stiffens with the words. "What was that?" I ask, not removing my face from his neck.

I can't believe he said it. Edward just told me he loved me. It just slipped out of his mouth, all casual like. He loves me? He loves me!

He motherfucking loves me!

Chill, Jasper. Relax. Be cool.

"Um, you crack my shit up?" he finally asks, his words tinged with uncertainty. He knows that's not what I want to hear. I want to hear the other thing. The "L" word, and I sure as shit don't mean lesbian. I clear my mind of that thought. I don't want to tarnish this moment with vaginas.

I smile. "No, the other thing."

"That you're too easy," he tries again. "You really are too easy to work up," he starts to mumble, trying to change the subject like I would ever let him get away from this one. Yeah, right.

Rolling my eyes, I interrupt him, "No, the other thing!"

He doesn't say anything for a moment. I pull back, so I can look him in the eyes. His cheeks are red with his blush, and he's biting his lip with nervousness. He's fucking beautiful.

Edward loves me. He said it. He told me so himself! This is turning out to be one hell of a day. His eyes search mine, and I smile softly before cupping his face in my hands. I lean in and kiss him firmly yet chastely on the lips.

"I love you, too," I tell him, mumbling the words into his mouth, giving back to him what he gave to me—his words, his love, himself.

He smiles, letting out a nervous chortle. "What was that?" he says, trying to flip the game back on me, but

I'm not embarrassed. I feel like I could shout it from the mountaintops, all Sound of Music style. Not even Nazis could keep me away from my boy.

"I said that I'm in love with you, dumb ass," I tell him with a laugh.

"Do you love me, Edward?" I ask.

He nods his head vigorously. "I love you," he says for the second time. God, it sounds awesome.

"Well, there you go," I say with a shrug of my shoulders. "Only a dumb ass would be in love with an asshole like me," I tease.

"You're right," he agrees, giving me a fake grimace. "What the fuck was I thinking?"

I wrap my arms back around him. "No, take backs!" I yell.

He sighs and kisses me. "I would never take it back, Jasper."

My heart feels like it's in my fucking throat. I never thought I would feel this way. This boy turns me into a sap, but I find myself embracing my sappy side… for the most part.

"Good," I reply happily. "I love you, Edward," I repeat just for the hell of it. Then, I kiss him with everything I've got because it's already his anyway.

The next thing I know, we're falling onto the bed, a tangled mess of limbs and lips and hands. I roll him over, finding my spot between his legs. With a moan, he wraps his legs around my ass, and I thrust my cock against his.

"Too many clothes," he mumbles, and I grunt in agreement, pushing myself up so I can pull my shirt off my body.

"How do you do that?" Edward asks, his eyes alight with admiration as he runs his fingers over my exposed skin.

"Do what?" I ask, shuddering under his touch.

"Take your shirt off with one hand?" He takes my nipple in his mouth, flicking at the sensitive skin with his teeth.

"Huh?" is all I can get out of my muddled mind as he bites at the pebbled flesh.

"Your shirt," he mumbles around my nipple. "Whoosh."

"Stop talking!" I demand because he's not making any sense, and I know other shit I'd rather him be doing with that mouth. I pull his face to mine, kissing him to shut him up. I thrust my tongue into his mouth, mimicking the movements of my hips, and the sounds of the room quickly turn to grunts and moans.

I pull on the bottom of Edward's shirt, trying to tug it off of him, but it's too hard while he's on his back.

He sits up some to let me pull it off of him, but the bed is only so big and we are two not so small guys. Edward ends up causing me to lose my balance, accidentally pushing me off the tiny bed, and because I know I'm going, I make sure I have a firm grasp on his shirt, taking him with me to the floor.

"Motherfucking twin bed," I curse after I finally get my breath back. It's really not so far to fall from the bed to floor, but when all of Edward's practically dead weight lands right on my midsection, it was a touch hard to breathe.

His face is right above mine, his green eyes crinkle in a small, apologetic smile as he searches my face. "Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah," I reply, letting my hands sneak under the edge of his shirt. I didn't fall off that bed for nothing. I was on a mission, and I quickly fulfill it, leaving Edward shirtless above. He laughs and moves his legs to where he's straddling my waist, taking most of his weight off me. I thrust up into him, watching his eyes roll up into his head. His fingers digging into my chest hurt but in the best way possible, and if I don't get my boy naked immediately, I'm going to go crazy.

My hands trace the muscles in his back up to the nape of his neck where they pull his face down to mine. I kiss him chastely before letting my tongue tease the bow of his beautiful lips. He gives me that crooked grin and before I know it, my tongue is in his mouth, and he's sucking on it like a champ.

My hands slip into the back of his jeans of their own accord and seek out their favorite resting place. I know people talk about girl's tits being the perfect handful or whatever, but they've got it wrong. Edward's ass cheeks are perfect. They were made for my hands. He groans loudly when I pull him into me.

"I want you, Jasper," he whispers, resting his forehead against mine.

I try to swallow my nervousness, but I can't stop the shakiness of my voice when I ask him if he's sure.

His face slips down mine, his lips kiss along the side of my face before he buries himself in my neck. I feel him nod. "I'm sure," he says, louder this time.

"Edward," I call his name, wrapping my arms around his back, hugging him to me, chest to chest. "Would you rather… it be… me?" I implore. I can do it for him. I will. I know he won't hurt me. Also, if anyone is going to have control over my body it should be Edward. He's inside me already. I think I could let him be inside me… literally. I mean, I'd rather it be the other way around, but relationships are about compromises and shit.

He sits up, looking down at me with a questioning glare. "Do you mean that?"

I nod, breaking eye contact when my nerves get the better of me. "I will for you, Edward."

He places his hands on my shoulders, trying to pull me up into a sitting position, so I help him, pushing myself up. Once again, we're chest to chest, and he wraps his arms and legs around me, surrounding me. He tucks his head into my neck, and I let out a content sigh.

"I'm happy that you're willing, Jasper, but, actually, I've been thinking—"

"Uh oh," I joke.

He bites me on the neck, and it's hard enough to shut me up. I'm most likely going to have a mark tomorrow. "Let me have my serious moment, asshole."

I pantomime zipping my lips, and he arches a brow in disbelief. "As if you could ever keep your mouth shut," he comments.

I lean in, kissing the spot at the juncture of his neck and shoulder that drives him crazy before running my tongue up to his ear, biting the lobe between my teeth. "As if you want me to keep my mouth shut," I retort. "Now, you you've been thinking…" I say, trailing off, teasing the shell of his ear with my tongue.

He shivers, moaning lightly. "You play dirty," he says, bending his neck to give me better access.

"Always," I laugh and bite down on his earlobe again, tugging playfully. "Now, tell me what you've been thinking."

He leans away from me, locking eyes with me for a moment before letting his gaze drift down to his hands tracing circles on my naked chest. He takes a deep breath, mumbling something that I can't quite hear.

It's my turn to make him look at me, to admit his feelings, and I have to admit all this honesty shit is pretty fucking difficult. I've never felt barer. Edward is making me feel like I'm a virgin again or something, and the last thing we need are two virgins fumbling through this. I want to make him feel as good as I know he can feel.

He brings his arms around my shoulders, and I let mine rest around his waist, holding him to me.

"I've been thinking," he starts again, "that I'm not quite ready for the pitcher's mound, that it would be easier to squat down and catch the ball."

"You know, the baseball analogy can easily be taken too far, Edward," I say, kissing him on the lips. "Squat down and catch the ball?" I question, teasing him gently. "You know I've got more than one ball… and a bat," I add.

He smiles and then cracks up, throwing his head back as he laughs. "Why do we always talk in circles?" he asks, shaking his head.

"It's just how we do it, dude. It's our swagger."

"You're such a fucking nerd, Jasper," he says to me, quite seriously I might add, like he actually believes that or something.

"I'm not a nerd."

"You're a big time nerd, man."

"You better take that back, Edward," I warn him.

"Or what, Jasper?" he asks, giving me a placating look. He has no idea what is about to happen. Before he even has a chance to defend himself, I've flipped him onto his back on the floor and I'm on top of him, covering his body with mine so he can't escape. I bite down on his neck, and he lets out a loud moan.

"Don't you know, Edward, that when you play with fire, you get…" I pause for dramatic effect, rolling my crotch against his, "fucked!"

He struggles against me, trying to get out from under me, all the while rocking his hips with mine. I smile and lick across my teeth marks. "Is that what you want, Edward? Do you want to get fucked?" I practically growl in his ear.

He ceases his struggling, letting his head loll back. He looks up at me, his eyes locking with mine. "Yes," he states simply and seriously.

I can't help but smile, and he bites his lip, holding back a giant grin. Kissing him has never felt more electric to me. His lips touching mine send tingling jolts to my fingers and toes, causing the hair on my body to stick straight out—much like something else on my body, and I let Edward know all about it when I rut against him through our jeans.

"Naked now!" Edward grunts as he tugs down on my still zipped and buttoned jeans. I basically have to wrestle him to stop trying to rip the denim from my body. I definitely don't wear loose jeans. It's not like they're just going to slide right off, and if he keeps pushing them down, I'm going to get fabric burn on my ass.

I let go of his trapped hands. "Let me take care of it," I tell him with a smile. Of course, the first thing to go is Edward's jeans and boxers. There is nothing better than having my boy naked, especially when he's underneath me. I kiss my way down his chest, taking my time at both his nipples and thoroughly exploring his belly button before spending some time with his hip bones and gently kissing above the patch of curly hair.

"Jasper!" he whines, squirming and panting. I laugh when he thrusts up hard, trying to get my attention like I didn't know what he wanted or something. When his dick whacks me in the face, though, I quickly take him in my mouth before I end up with pecker shaped bruises on my cheeks.

"Yes," he hisses.

Jesus on a pogo stick, I really fucking love to suck on this boy's dick. I love the taste and the smell and the feel of him in my mouth. Edward's cock is simply awesome—I'm definitely in some awe over the shaft of flesh between his legs, at least.

"Please, Jasper," he whines, and then he does something I'm going to remember for the rest of my life. Edward lifts his legs, exposing his sweet ass to me, silently asking for more, for all of me, and who am I to deny him? I walk my fingers up his chest, letting them tease his lips. I watch as he takes them in his mouth, and the way he's sucking and licking on my fingers is making my dick super jealous.

Once they're wet enough, I quickly push one finger into him. When I finally slip a third finger in, he's moaning like crazy and rolling his hips. It's a beautiful sight, but one that is quickly drying up. I need some lube.

I take my fingers out and reluctantly stand up, separating myself from my boy. He opens his eyes, giving me a not so happy glare.

"Where are you going?" he questions.

I smile down at him, all naked on the floor. "Dude, we need lube and condoms for this fun," I say, pointing at my dick, "to continue."

He rolls his eyes, but I see his tongue peek out, licking at his lips. He wants it. I quickly grab what we need out of my drawer. "Edward do you want to move this back to the bed or stay on the floor?" I ask him as I find the perfect playlist on my iTunes. He doesn't need to know that I have a "Sexin' Edward" playlist already created.

"I don't care," he says, sounding all exacerbated. He doesn't get up off the floor, though.

"Do you really want your first time to be on the floor?"

He looks up at me, his brow furrowing. "Seriously, Jasper, I'm not some delicate girl. I don't care where it happens. Just come the fuck on!" he yells, and I fight back a laugh. His frustration is cute, especially since he's naked.

Even though he says he doesn't care, I do care, and I want him to be comfortable. Though, for us, that doesn't necessarily mean the bed. It's just too small. With a quick flick of my hands, the comforter is on the floor. I toss the pillows down as well before I sit, patting the spot next to me. Edward crawls over to me, immediately laying back down in the same position. I run my finger up and down the length of his ass, circling his hole.

"I take it you're ready then?" I ask, kissing him softly on the lips.

"Stop teasing me, Jasper!" he whines. He locks his eyes with mine, and his stare alone makes my heart pick up. "Please, I'm ready. I need you."

I smile and nod my head. "I need you, too," I tell him, rolling the condom on and slicking us both up with lube. I slide my pillow under his hips and line myself up with him. Nervously, I suck in a gulp of air as I start to push.

I stroke his cock to keep his mind off the pain he must be feeling, and I lean down to kiss him once the head of my dick is inside him. "Are you okay?" I ask when his features scrunch up.

"Yeah," he says, breathing heavy, "Just give me a minute." He let out a loud exhale. "You've got a big dick, Jasper," he laments, and I grin because it's true. "I never knew," he adds with a chuckle.

"You're hilarious," I deadpan. "I take it since you're making jokes that you're ready for me to continue?" I ask. God, he needs to say yes. I have to push. He's so tight, so warm. I need more!

He smiles and laces his fingers behind my head, pulling me down into a kiss. "I'm ready," he says against my lips, and I let out an exhale of relief as I start to slowly push in. I never stop kissing him or stroking his cock, hoping that both are a distraction against the new intrusion. The last thing I want to do is hurt him.

"Oh fuck," I moan, breaking the kiss, when I'm as far as I can go. "You feel so good, Edward," I whisper in his ear before sucking his lobe into my mouth. I kiss down his neck, biting and sucking at his skin. He arches his neck back, giving me more room to work with, and I smile into his skin when I feel his body relax. He wraps his legs around my ass, pushing me toward him a bit.

"More!" he grunts. "I'm ready!"

I nod in agreement even though his eyes are closed and he can't see me. I pull out a little bit, pushing slowly back in, keeping a slow pace until I pick up the nonverbal clues that he's ready for more, for longer strokes, for more force.

I readjust my angle and after a few strokes, he gasps and his eyes open wide as his back arches. "Do that again!" he demands.

With every push of my hips, Edward gets louder and louder, until he's on the verge of yelling. As much as I like to hear him call out my name, I don't need any RA trying to bust down our door because of all the ruckus, so I swallow his noises with my lips, muffling his noises with my tongue.

I'm on the verge of losing it. I realize that I was completely focused on my task of finding his prostrate, and I've merely been holding his cock in my hands. I start to jerk him off in time with my thrusts and before I know, he's biting down on my shoulder as I feel him pulse in my hand, covering us both with his semen.

As he kisses and licks at his bite mark, I give three more thrusts and I'm done. I think I might have blacked out for a moment because I'm feeling all sorts of hazy, but it's the most blissed out haze I've ever felt. Sex had never been better than this.

"Jesus fucking Christ," I hiss as I pull out.

Edward takes a deep breath, pushing back the hair that is stuck to his forehead. "I'll say," he remarks with a small chuckle. "That was... dang," he says, shaking his head. "I've never felt that way before, Jasper."

"Me neither," I tell him, giving him a long, leisurely kiss. "Would it be cliché to tell you that I love you right now?" I ask.

"Unbelievably cliché," he says with a smile, "but I don't care. I love you, Jasper."


So, that was super long, but yay, right? I hope you liked it.

Right now, there is something fantastic happening in the twislash world. It's called The Slashtastics! A group of slashy writers have gotten together to bring you a round robin J/E fic. Find the fanfic profile in my favorite authors or follow us on twitter theslashtastics to get more details. We'll be posting soon, so keep an eye out!

Thanks for reading! :)