Hey, here's the next chapter! It's very dramatic (again) so you've been warned ;)
Sorry in advance ;) x
Endless pain
One long week had passed by in which time had just trickled along. Nothing had really happened. Or maybe it had and Clara had just not noticed it? She had been in a daze the whole week, only surfacing from bed to take the girls to school and back and to occasionally grab Danny something. He had come home two days after the accident, much to their surprise. Clara hadn't been told the full story from Danny so she was guessing he discharged himself rather than the hospital discharging him. Dave took him to appointments every so often but other than that Clara had heard nothing. It wasn't even that he hadn't told her, it was that she didn't really want to listen. Since everything had happened she had just felt so empty inside, like nothing was worth trying for anymore.
That morning Danny turned his head towards Clara to see her laying on her back staring at the ceiling. The fact that she wasn't asleep surprised him, she had slept so much lately it was becoming not just a habit but a routine.
"Clara?" She jumped slightly before turning to him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She smiled a little and shook her head.
"It's okay." She then looked back up at the ceiling again. He sighed. A tear fell down her cheek as she attempted to hold back the emotion. She had forgotten why she was crying, it just happened now almost like it was robotic.
"Come on, talk to me baby? Clara please." She paused to look at him for a second and then moved closer to him. She cuddled up as close to him as she could and sobbed into his chest. He stroked her hair back and quietly reassured her.
Once she had stopped crying she looked up at him to see that a few tears had escaped his eyes as well.
"I didn't mean to make you upset. I wasn't meant to block you out... It's just been so hard." She began to cry again so he kissed her head and pulled her into his chest.
"It's okay, it's okay. I forgive you." She looked back at him again.
"I know you do, you always do. I don't know if I forgive myself though." He frowned.
"You've got nothing to not forgive yourself for."
"But I have though." He shook his head whilst attempting to move so that he could see her face properly. He winced in pain as he moved his leg so Clara stopped him and moved to him instead.
"What have you done to make you regret things? Your reaction to all of this has been normal!" She shook her head.
"Well I wouldn't call it normal but that's not what I mean. I keep putting you all in danger and I don't know why. It's always me..."
"That's not your fault! We've just been given a mountain of bad luck to overcome." She paused.
"But it's every single time... It's my fault that we've argued so much over the Doctor, my fault that we have nearly died quite a few times now and my fault that... That our children aren't as happy as they should be. Danny, Ellie told me that we don't spend enough time together and that she's sad because we're never happy for more than a week before something else goes wrong... She's five, she shouldn't even have to think about things like that. That's all my fault... I can't forgive myself for any of that, not ever." He sighed. This had been the first time she had spoken to him about how she felt in weeks now. It was though it had been building up for months and the accident had lead everything to boil over.
"I know it seems like your fault and that things are really bad at the moment but we need to look on the bright side. I'll be honest, I don't really know what to say to make you feel like things aren't down to you as I'm not the greatest with sympathy but I do know how to stay positive. Think about it, last time things went wrong we managed to fix it didn't we? Look at how happy we were until last week. Things went back to normal, just how we like them. So we sure as hell can do that again. And soon we'll have another little Pink joining us which can only bring us closer. That's such a big thing to look forward to, eh?" She nodded into his chest. "So for now, as hard as it is, stay with me on the positivity idea. We will get things back on track, I promise you. Everything is going to be okay. But if things get to tough and you need to break down and cry or you just need a chat I'm here for you, always." She wiped her tears and looked into his eyes. He smiled back before kissing her on the head.
"Thank you Danny." She gave him one of her sweet smiles that he just couldn't resist.
"No problem, I love you so so much."
"I love you too." They kissed momentarily but stopped when Clara jerked back a little bit. She sat up slowly and placed her hand on the bottom of her stomach.
"Clara?" She started to breathe more deeply as she looked at him with panic in her eyes. "What's wrong? What's happening!?" He also sat up now, ignoring his own pain to see to Clara. She, however, said nothing until a few seconds later when she relaxed back a little bit.
"I got a really weird pain..." He looked at her with confusion.
"A sharp one? Like usual?" She shook her head.
"No, it felt different. It wasn't sharp but it was longer. But it didn't feel like a normal contraction either? It felt... Wrong." Danny leaned over and placed one hand on her stomach and one on her forehead as he always did when she said that she felt odd.
"Seriously wrong? Like hospital visit wrong?" She shook her head again.
"It felt very wrong but not like an emergency so I'll wait to see if I have another one, it could be nothing." He smiled for reassurance.
"Okay, but you tell me straight away, yes? And you take it really easy today. It's the due date tomorrow so it wouldn't be surprising if things start to happen today."
"Yeah, I will." She gave him a worried look. He stroked her stomach and kissed her head.
"Hey, hey, it's okay, don't worry about it. What ever it is we'll sort it. Everyone is going to be okay." She smiled a little and carefully moved herself back so that she could lean against the headboard. She sighed and looked down at her protruding stomach. Today was going to be a rough day, she could just feel it.
She strolled downstairs slowly after Danny making sure that he didn't fall backwards on his way down and was greeted by Ellie stood smiling happily. Clara smiled back and kissed her on the head.
"Alright smiley?" Ellie nodded excitedly. "What's got you in such a good mood this morning then?" She smiled again and took Clara's hand. She pulled her slowly towards the kitchen table and to the nearest chair.
"Sit down and close you eyes! No peeking!" Clara laughed a little as she followed the instructions. She heard a rustling sound and then a bang when what ever it was hit the table. "Okay, open your eyes." Clara did so to see a shoe box, which had been half wrapped in attempt to make it look nicer, on the table in front of her. She looked at Ellie who had the biggest smile on her face.
"Well what's this then!?" Ellie walked back round to Clara's side of the table and hugged her arm.
"Look and see mummy!" She slowly opened the box to see a note sat on the top. She opened it carefully to read the contents.
To the best mummy in the world,
I know you have been very sad lately
I don't really like it, it makes me sad too.
So I made this box to make you happy again,
It has all of the things that you like in it.
I made it all by myself, with a little help from grandad but I did most of it.
I hope you like it, I love you lots mummy
And I really want you to be smiley again
Love from Ellie xxxxxxxxx
A tear fell down Clara's cheek as she read through what Ellie had carefully written. Why had she let things get this far? She couldn't believe the impact her mood was having on Ellie. It had to stop now. She stared at the letter for a while before Ellie distracted her.
"Mummy? Don't you like it?" Clara turned to face her.
"Of course I do! I absolutely love it, and I love you so much too." She hugged her tightly and began to look through the contents. She moved some of the tissue paper from inside to see some of her favourite chocolate bars, some family photos that always made her smile and one of her childhood teddy bears. The box was filled to the brim with happy memories that flooded her with elation. She didn't know what to say. It was perfect.
"Come here." She ushered Ellie to come closer to her again. "I am so so sorry for how I've been lately. It's not fair on you at all, or on anyone for that matter. I know I keep saying this but I promise that I'll make things up... Look, I love you so much and you mean the absolute world to me so don't ever think that you don't." Ellie smiled a little.
"So you'll try to be happier again?" Clara wiped away her tears and nodded.
"Yeah, I will try my absolute hardest. I promise."
"Good because it makes me feel sad when you are sad because I can't make you happy." She sighed and leaned into Clara. She placed her arms around her and hugged her tightly. The tears started to fall again as hard as she tried to stop them.
"I know sweetie, and I'm so sorry for that. It's just that sometimes things happen that make adults very, very sad. Like when daddy got hurt again. It made me sad because I was worried about him and you and Lily and the new baby. Sometimes things get tough and we need to cry about it." Ellie nodded.
"So it's not bad to be upset?" Clara shook her head.
"No of course not! It shows that you care."
"And you care about all of us lots and lots so you are allowed to be upset?"
"Yeah, that's just how things happened in the end. But I was upset for too long so now I'm going to change that and be happy again." Ellie grinned.
"I know what will make you happy." Clara smiled and looked at her inquisitively.
"And what would that be then missus?"
"Watching a DVD with me, cuddled up on the sofa. Like we did last time when I was sad." Clara nodded.
"That sounds like a perfect idea. We can do that this afternoon if you'd like? Because Lily is at her friends house and daddy will go out for a bit to have a walk to stop his legs from getting all stiff." Ellie giggled and nodded.
"Yes please! It's all going to be okay mummy, don't worry." She leant forwards and hugged Clara again. Clara looked down at her. She was so clever, so perfect. How did she ever get so lucky. She honestly didn't know what she would do without her, her amazing little girl.
Later on Danny came into the kitchen to see Clara resting heavily on the worktop. She tried to hide the pain on her face as he entered to avoid any fuss. That was the last thing she needed. So, she stood back up straight to face him.
"Are you alright?" She nodded quickly and smiled unconvincingly. Danny sighed and sat on the seat by the breakfast bar to rest his leg. "Clara, tell me the truth." She looked at him knowingly. He could tell she was in pain, he knew her too well.
"Okay, well I'm not amazing if that's what you mean." Now he smiled, happy to hear the truth.
"More pain?" She nodded but stopped quickly as she leant over again. She began to sway side to side and breathe deeply. Danny got up and rubbed her back gently. "Does this feel more like contractions?"
"Yeah." She sighed a little in pain but ceased when she heard footsteps coming from the other room.
"Is mummy okay?" Ellie walked up to Danny and hid behind his leg slightly. He looked back to Clara who had stood back up and relaxed again before answering.
"Yeah mummy is okay, she's just in a bit of pain. We think that the baby be coming soon." Ellie's eyes lit up.
"Really!? Yay!" Clara smiled. At least Ellie was excited. At the moment her and Danny were too anxious to be excited, they just needed to know that everything was going to be okay. She stood back up and took a deep breath.
"It'll be a little while yet but it will be either today or tomorrow!" Ellie grinned. Clara began to walk to the living room. Danny hobbled along slowly behind her.
"What do you want to do then? Stay here and chill for a bit before things get going or head to the hospital now?" She sat down slowly on the sofa and looked over to him.
"We might as well wait to be honest, if we go too early they'll send us home and tell us to come back later anyway. It'll be busy with it being nearly Christmas." He nodded and stroked her arm reassuringly.
"Okay. We can watch a movie or something?" Ellie jumped up and nodded.
"YESS!" Clara laughed.
"Okay you choose one then." She ran off to the other room leaving Danny to sit back and relax on to the sofa. They sat quietly for a few minute when Danny suddenly sat forwards. Clara looked over in surprise.
"Danny? What's wrong?"
"No, no, nothing but I have my counselling thingy in a bit that I have been given by the hospital. I'm going to need to call in and tell them I can't go... Wait I don't know the number, I'll go and find it-" As he began to get up she stopped him.
"It's fine, sit back down! You can still go. Look, the contractions aren't going to get that bad in the half an hour you are out for. I'll ring you if I need you." He gave her a hesitant look.
"No I can't, I can't leave you when you're in labour!"
"It might not even be labour yet, it could just be cramps. You never know. You need to go to this session, you can't miss it. Anyway it's only around the corner isn't it?" He nodded.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah it's fine! Lily is out all day so it'll be chilled out here. I promise I'll ring you if anything happens. It shouldn't do but if it does you'll know straight away." He smiled.
"Okay then, I'll be as quick as I can."
Around an hour later he got up, kissed her on the lips and went to get his shoes on. Ellie looked up and watched him getting his coat on.
"Where's daddy going mummy?" Clara moved her on to the sofa next to her.
"He's just got to pop out for a little bit, he'll be back soon. We can carry on watching the movie together can't we!" She heard Danny pick up his keys and open the door. She called through to him.
"Oi you! What happened to no driving!?" He came back into the living room without his crutches as well.
"Oh I'll be fine!" She frowned.
"Just don't go hurting yourself any more than you already have. You really should listen to what the doctors said." He shrugged.
"What do they know, eh?" He winked at her making her laugh. "I love you... Wait, before I leave. You're 100% sure this is okay? I can still back out if you need me to?" She shook her head.
"Of course, go. I've only had two or three contractions since last time so I should be alright." She smiled and watched him limp back out of the room after him nodding at her in agreement. When they heard the door shut Ellie sat forwards to speak to Clara.
"Mummy, what if the baby comes while daddy is out!? I don't know how to make a baby be born." Clara smiled at Ellie's facial expression. She looked so disappointed.
"You are so much like your daddy, you. Little miss sensible. It'll be fine El, if anything does happen I'll ring daddy and he will come back. Don't worry!" She smiled and laid back to watch the TV. As Clara sat back she noticed that she didn't feel too good, something definitely wasn't right.
A few minutes later another sharp pain hit her. She attempted to resist it so not to disturb Ellie but it was too strong. Things had suddenly began to escalate rather quickly. She sat forwards a little and breathed deeply.
"Mummy are you okay?" She nodded and smiled, unconvincingly at that.
"Yeah, give me one minute." Ellie knelt down next to Clara with a worried look on her face. She groaned in pain again despite trying not to.
"Should I ring daddy?" Clara shook her head.
"No not yet sweetie. This will pass in a minute." She nodded and stayed sat down quietly. Eventually Clara sat back upright much to Ellie's delight. "Did that hurt lots mummy?"
"Yes, yes it did." She replied, half laughing. "I'm just going to pop to the loo, stay here yeah? Keep watching the film, it's getting to the good part!" Ellie smiled and nodded.
Clara stood up and entered the bathroom slowly. She looked at herself in the mirror from a second to think. She had suddenly started to feel a lot worse. That contraction was the worst she had had yet and she could feel another one coming along. She walked back towards the living room but stopped as she felt a huge pain hit her. Suddenly a gush of liquid fell from her and she leant against the wall for support. She attempted to breathe deeply to keep the pain in check but she couldn't calm herself down. She needed Danny.
Through her breaths she called Ellie.
"El!" She waited for her to appear in the hallway. "Can you grab the phone and ring daddy?" She nodded. "Quickly Ellie, please!" Realising that she had snapped slightly she called Ellie back to her. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I just really need daddy here now." She nodded and dialled the number. Danny answered almost immediately.
"Hello!?"
"Hello daddy."
"Sweetie are you okay?"
"Yeah but mummy's not, she's hurting lots and lots. She needs you to come now, very very quickly." She looked over to Clara for reassurance of whether she had said the right thing but instead she saw some tears falling down her cheeks. "She's crying daddy, come quickly." Danny started to panic.
"Okay honey, well done, you're doing really well. Can you pass the phone to mummy?" She held it out for Clara to take.
"Daddy wants to speak to you mummy." She nodded before grabbing it and resting her head against the wall.
"Clara?"
"Danny come now please!"
"Okay, okay, I'm on my way. Has it got a lot worse?"
"Yeah, my water just broke and the contractions are really close. And something doesn't feel right."
"Okay hang on in there, I'll be there in ten minutes." She hung up and placed the phone back down.
She walked slowly into the living room where Ellie was sat quietly, obviously a little scared.
"It's okay sweetie. Daddy will be back in a second and it will all be okay." She smiled a little bit.
The next ten minutes felt like a year and the sound of his key in the door was a God send. He ran in and crouched down to see her face. His leg was giving him agony but he didn't care, Clara was the priority right now.
"Hey, hey, hey, I'm here now. It's okay." She looked up at him and relaxed slightly. Everything seemed better when Danny was around, she just felt so much safer.
"I think we should go to the hospital." They both laughed a little at her stating the obvious.
"I think that would be sensible! You said something feels wrong? What doesn't feel right?" Clara suddenly felt extremely dizzy but she tried to ignore it.
"I don't know, like I'm having contractions but my whole body feels odd, I can tell there's something wrong-" She stopped talking slowly and moved her hand to her head. "I feel... I don't feel too-"
"Clara? Clara!?" She slowly fell into him. He moved her back against the sofa and felt her head. "Clara!? Speak to me!" There was no response. "Oh god, errr, Ellie grab the phone quickly!" She jumped up and gave it to him.
"999, ambulance service please... My wife, she's in labour but she just passed out. Please come quickly!" He hung up and stroked her head gently.
"Come on Clara, please be okay. I need you to be okay." Ellie began to cry at the sight. So much had happened in such a short space of time, she didn't know how to comprehend it all.
The ambulance arrived soon after to which Danny went to open the door.
"Please! She's through there!" They ran in and checked her over. One of the men immediately looked at the other who ran to get a stretcher.
"What's going on!? What's wrong with her!?" The man stood up and took Danny to the side.
"Okay sir, don't panic, that's not going to help anyone. We don't know exactly what has caused this right now so we need to get her to hospital as quickly as possible to ensure the safety of your wife and your baby." He nodded without saying a word. "Are you coming in the ambulance with us?"
"Yes, and my daughter." The man nodded.
"Okay let's go then."
Clara was rushed off by half a dozen doctors as soon as they arrived leaving Danny and Ellie to be lead to a side room. When they were left alone, Danny sat down. He put his head in his hands and tears began to fall down his face. He didn't look up until he heard Ellie whimpering next to him. He took a deep breath and pulled her towards him into a hug.
"Shh, shh, it's okay. Daddy's here. It's all okay." She eventually looked up with tears flooding her eyes making them glisten under the lights.
"But is it going to be okay? Is mummy going to be okay? And the baby too?" Now Danny's eyes began to fill back up again. He didn't know how to answer her questions. In fact, they were the same questions that he was asking himself. All he could do was reassure Ellie and hope for the best.
"I don't know sweetie, I really don't know. But I do know that we need to hope that they will be okay. Mummy would want us to be happy wouldn't she?" Ellie nodded. "So we need to keep a smile on our faces, as hard as that is to do right now." She nestled her head back into his chest again.
"It scared me today daddy. I didn't know what to do." He kissed her head softly.
"I know it was, it scared me too. But you were amazing Ellie, I'm so so proud of you. You looked after mummy when I wasn't there, called me to come home and was a really good girl when the paramedics came. You did so well." She smiled a little.
"But I couldn't help mummy when she was hurting. She looked so sad." He sighed. She was so observant and understanding for her age.
"That's okay though, you weren't expected to know what to do. Having a baby hurts a lot and a lot of things can go wrong so you did your best by just being there to talk to her and make her smile." She nodded.
"Can we go and see her?" Danny shook his head.
"Not yet honey, we need to wait to see what the doctors say first." As he finished speaking the door opened making both of them jump up.
"Any news!?" The doctor nodded.
"Yes, sit back down though... Okay we think that this has happened due to the accident a few weeks ago but also because of a spot of bad luck, unfortunately. The placenta split inside her before the birth, which is very rare but does happen, meaning that she passed out and was in a lot more pain than she should have been at that moment in time. So we've taken her in for an emergency C-section to be on the safe side. We need to get the baby out as quickly as possible to ensure both of their safety." Danny stared at the wall trying to take in all of the information.
"But is my mummy okay?" The doctor looked down at Ellie and smiled.
"Yes sweetie, she should be okay. But you'll have to be very gentle because she's very poorly." Danny looked up.
"So she's okay!?" The doctor paused for a second to reconfigure her words so that things didn't sound to harsh. She then stood up and motioned for him to come to the side with her so that Ellie couldn't hear what was being said.
"I wouldn't say okay, I'm afraid... She's in a critical condition and will need to have a lot of treatment and a lot of recovery. It is likely that she will be in a coma when they bring her out from theatre. I'm not telling to you give up but I think it's best if you prepare yourself for the worst as things may become very unpredictable." Another tear fell from Danny's eye. He stared blankly at the wall unsure of how to act. It was possible that the bottom could drop from his world... How was he supposed to comprehend that? They were so happy. Now life didn't even seem worth living.
Cliffhanger... *hides far away (once again)*
I'm unsure whether to do a Christmas chapter yet as things aren't exactly in high spirits so leave that with me and you'll see what happens next chapter!;)
