Darry hated when Steve started feeling ill from the medication he was taking, and right now, the kid was feeling very ill. In Darry's opinion, the side effects of his medication were just as bad as the symptoms of sepsis themselves.
Darry wished Steve could take an anti-nausea pill, but he wasn't able to have one for another two hours.
Soda was doing his best to distract his friend, telling him what was going on at the DX and what Steve had missed while he was away. But Darry could tell that Steve was hardly listening. He was too preoccupied with the nausea. He would periodically make a noise in the back of his throat as his head hung over the emesis basin. The sound made Darry cringe.
"Steve, don't fight it," Darry suggested gently. "C'mon, man. You'll feel better if you just let it happen."
"N-No," Steve breathed. "Don't want to." He swallowed hard, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. "Soda…"
"I know," Soda said quickly, reaching to rub circles in Steve's back. "Maybe you should try lying back down."
Steve just shook his head. He looked impossibly tired.
"Okay," Soda soothed. "C'mere." He slid up onto the bed and pulled Steve toward him so he could rest his cheek against Soda's shoulder. "We'll just wait it out. You're okay."
Steve closed his eyes and moaned in response.
Soda bit down on his lip and glanced at Darry with dejected eyes.
Darry shrugged hopelessly and they sat in silence for the next 15 minutes, just listening to Steve's labored breathing.
The silence was interrupted when they heard a quiet knock on the doorframe.
Steve opened his bleary eyes and gulped hard at the sight of his guest.
That was all it took.
He promptly threw up.
Evie Daniels watched in horror as Steve heaved and choked up bile before her eyes.
Darry stood. "Uh, hi Evie," he greeted awkwardly, just as Steve said, "Get her out of here," between heaves.
"Darry?" Soda prompted.
Darry ran a hand through his hair. "Uh, yeah, sure," he said hurriedly, and ushered the bewildered girl into the hallway, closing Steve's door behind them.
Darry stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. "So Evie, how's it going?" he asked casually.
That's when Evie's face crumpled and she began to cry.
Darry felt his palms go sweaty. He hated seeing girls cry, especiallygirls he barely knew. "Oh, come on, don't do that…" he practically begged. "C'mon, Daniels, don't cry."
Evie sniffed, mascara running down her cheeks. "How can I not?" she asked miserably. "H-He didn't want to see me. Hell, he got sick at just the sight of me!" She covered her face with her hands. "I shouldn't have come here."
Darry pinched the bridge of his nose. He was exhausted and the last thing he wanted was to deal with this. "You're being ridiculous, Ev," he said, trying to be gentle, which was hard, knowing what she'd done to Steve. "C'mon. Let's go somewhere we can talk."
It was storming outside, so Darry had to settle with taking Evie to the ICU common room. He told her to take a seat and then handed her some tissues from a box on the end table. He waited patiently while she calmed down.
"Listen, Daniels, Steve didn't get sick just because you appeared. He's been feeling ill all evening. It was a long time coming."
Evie dabbed her eyes and shook her head. "He still didn't want to see me. He told me to get out."
Darry chuckled lightly. "Evie, I guarantee he only told you to get out because he didn't want you to see him get sick."
Evie sniffed, still not believing. "No, he hates me. And he has every right to."
He still loves you, Darry wanted to tell her. That's what Soda told Darry, anyway. That Steve was afraid he still had feelings for Evie. But he felt that Steve should be the one to tell her that. So instead, he said, "Steve'll be willing to hear you out, Ev. Trust me."
Evie blew her nose in the tissue then wiped her eyes. "Can I ask you something, Darry?"
Darry nodded his consent.
"Have you ever felt so guilty that it… that it just makes you sick?"
Darry's heart skipped a beat at that question.
He knew all about feeling guilty. He knew about the weight that pressed down on his chest, the inability to sleep, the unanswerable question of what if? It was something he'd been struggling with ever since the night Ponyboy ran away. The night he drove Ponyboy away.
He blames himself for it, which makes it hard not to blame himself for everything that unfolded following that night: Johnny stabbing that Soc, the church fire, Ponyboy getting sick… but the worst – the worst thought that Darry has is that Johnny and Dallas would still be alive. They would still be alive if Darry hadn't raised a hand against Ponyboy that night.
It hurts him too much to think about.
So he shoves it down, swallows it whole.
"Darry?" Evie broke into his thoughts.
Darry shook himself and cleared his throat gruffly. "Yeah," he admitted hoarsely. "Yeah, I have felt that way."
"It's the worst, isn't it?"
Her voice broke and her shoulders started to shudder again with sobs. And Darry couldn't help but feel sorry for her.
"Yeah, it is," he agreed softly. He reached out to take her hand – to comfort her – but she flinched away.
"D-Don't," she whispered. "I don't…" she trailed off, but Darry knew what she was trying to say. I don't deserve it.
So Darry had to settle with putting a hand on her knee. "Look at me, kiddo."
She reluctantly raised her head and met Darry's gaze.
"You made a mistake. A big one. No one's denying that. And it killed me an' the guys to see how much you hurt Steve." He paused to take a deep breath. "But it looks like it's killing you even more."
Evie hung her head again as tears continued to slip down her face. "I wish I could take it all back," she blubbered. She turned her head so her face was resting against Darry's bicep. He could feel her tears as they seeped through the fabric of his shirt. "I just want him to be okay. I just…" she was crying too hard to continue.
Darry's heart broke for Evie. It truly did. The self-loathing was coming off her in waves, and Darry felt his gut stir with compassion and empathy. The girl sitting in the seat beside him was depressed and teetering on the edge of dysfunction.
He shushed her and turned his body so she could lean against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her trembling frame and pulled her close. "I know," he said into her hair and then planted a kiss on top of her head. "It's all going to be okay."
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Evie asked, her voice muffled in Darry's chest. "Y-You barely even know me. And after what I did…"
Darry just hugged her tighter, and whispered in her ear: "I'm being nice to you, Evie Daniels, because you're incapable of being nice to yourself."
She pulled away from him, then. Her face was damp and wore a bewildered expression. She was clearly touched by Darry's words.
Darry placed a firm hand on her shoulder and craned his neck to look her in the eyes. "Listen to me, kid. You made a mistake. That's part of being human."
Evie swallowed hard and nodded. She swiped at her eyes.
"And you want to know something great about being human?"
Evie sniffed. "What?"
Darry grinned at her. "We're capable of forgiveness."
Evie licked her lips as those words sunk in.
"Do you really think he could forgive me?" she asked, a glimmer of hope in her voice.
"Yeah, Ev. I really think he could."
TBC…
