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***THERE IS AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER! PLEASE READ!***
Chapter Twenty Seven
"Hey Midnightstorm?"
At my name I turn from my shrew to answer Rosepetal, "Yes?"
"Would you mind helping with Echopaw's and Nightpaw's battle training?" The dark cream cat looks anxious but also expectant.
"Uh… sure." I mew slowly and apprehensively, positive I can't wriggle my way out of it.
"Great, I'll tell you when we're going to leave." Rosepetal mews with a grin turning quickly and leaving me behind.
"Can't wait." I mutter at her retreating tail, but she doesn't catch my sarcasm. I close my eyes wearily remembering Nightpaw catching up to me last night.
"What do you want?" I ask sharply, trying to be harsh.
"Some honesty." He replies, ignoring my tone.
"I'm perfectly honest."
"Not to me and not to yourself. I saw you watching me with the apprentices. You wanted to kill them. Why are you pushing me away?" He demands, frowning at me.
"I don't have a choice." I mutter, flicking my tail nervously.
"This is you were talking about right?" He replies incredulously, shooting me a disbelieving look through the dark air between us.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I demand, trying valiantly to sound annoyed.
"It means that you think for yourself. You do what you want to, what you know is right, no matter what. Or at least you used to." He replies acidly and I flinch, his words stinging.
"You don't understand." I whisper softly, the bitterness in my heart making me weak.
"Then help me to." Nightpaw begs, moving closer.
"Listen to me." I snap as I pause to glare seriously at him, "I am not a normal cat, okay? I have responsibilities you can't even imagine. My life is not mine. I have to do what they tell me. Or the Clans? We'll be destroyed."
"That's ridiculous." Nightpaw replies, shaking his head at me.
"Ha." The word slips out with a bitter laugh, "I wish it was. I wish this was all a dream." I walk faster, leaving Nightpaw behind.
"Who's controlling you?" He asks as he catches up with me.
"StarClan." I snap, recklessness stealing me.
"You're lying." Nightpaw mews at once, his voice a sharp snap.
"Wanna bet?" I snarl angrily as I turn away.
"That's completely insane! StarClan cares about us! They let cats have lives, I mean they let your dad break the code!" Nightpaw protests.
"Yeah they did, so they could get what they wanted. They're as desperate as the rest of us. Desperate times call for desperate measures."
"Okay well… that doesn't change us." He declares after a few moments, "I care about you, and you know I do. And I know that you care about me too." I look at him bitterly, his eyes so full of promise… he means every word. And I do care about him so much… I could give in.
"Look I have to go." I mew abruptly speeding up and putting a wall of cats between us. As I hide I hear his growl of anger.
A soft pelt brushes my own jerking my out of the memory. Let it be Ravenclaw or Jaggedwind or Blazefeather, I pray. But it's none of them. I'd know that scent anywhere.
"Stop lying to yourself." Nightpaw mews softly causing my eyes to snap open.
"Who says I'm lying?" I growl bluntly.
He only laughs. Bloody Dark Forest. "I'm not an idiot, all right?" He mews as the laughter fades from his face. I have so many retorts to that. And if it were any other cat I'd use them. But I can't hurt him like that.
"I don't want to do this." I admit as my weakness overtakes me again.
"Then face the truth!" He replies quickly, his voice growing louder.
"What truth?" I demand, moving away from him quickly.
"You care about me!" He yells and I falter. I can't deny it.
"Trust me, you can't be with me. It's too dangerous." I mew at last, in a soft, bitterly hollow voice.
"I'm not afraid." He replies, lifting his chin as a hardness enters his eyes.
"If you were hurt… I would never be able to forgive myself." I whisper softly as my voice quivers and breaks.
"So you do care." Nightpaw declares, victory dancing in his bright blue eyes. What the DF!
"Did I say that?" I mew coolly abandoning my shrew and walking away. He tags along still smiling brightly.
"It was implied." He mews triumphantly.
"Maybe you took it the wrong way." I reply casually.
"I didn't." He snaps, although I hear uneasiness creeping into his voice.
"I think you did." I mew coolly.
"You're lying again." He insists but now his voice is panicked.
"Nightpaw, Midnightstorm!" Echopaw mews sliding suddenly in front of us, "It's time to go."
Okay you want me to stay away from him yet you put me in situations like this? I'm getting mixed messages! I think praying Yellowfang's listening. Wow that's a first.
I see his eyes glinting, "You can't stay away." He murmurs in my ear. Ignore it.
"I'm helping Echopaw." I reply my voice as cold as I can get it. Sadly it's not cold enough. He flashes me a look that says sure.
I walk through the forest next to Echopaw as Nightpaw wanders around, throwing me smirks and knowing looks. "What is up with him?" Echopaw asks with a frown as we reach the training hollow and he skips to Rosepetal and Mousewhisker.
"So we were thinking that they could just battle you, Midnightstorm, one go while the other observes, and then we'll switch. After that, if they're up to it, we could teach them to fight together." Rosepetal mews as we sit down in the hollow. I love how she says if they're up to it. What about me?
"Sure Rosepetal." I mew trying not to snarl.
"Echopaw you want to go first?" Rosepetal asks as she smiles at her apprentice.
"Sure," Echopaw mews as she comes down and smiles at me. Her green eyes survey me and I know she's thinking of all the times she's seen me fight. Quickly I focus and remember her strategy.
We circle. She dives, and I leap out of the way. She jumps and I slide under her. She lands, like I want her to, and I flip her off, quickly pinning her. Remembering how she flipped Jaggedwind off her first day, I pin her down by her shoulders as I stand over her head so she can't flip me off. Her eyes narrow as she tries to think of a way out.
Suddenly she twists her shoulders, sending me flying. But I back flip in the air, pulling off the very hard move perfectly, landing lightly on my feet. Echopaw stares at me, her mouth agape. Then she shakes herself and runs forward shooting up to grapple. She hates grappling, told me so herself. So I head-butt her as gently as I can. She hits the ground and this time I sit on her.
"Oof! You're heavy!" She moans, wriggling weakly.
"That's kind of the point." I reply sliding off of her.
"Where'd you learn that flip?" She asks excitedly as she scrambles up.
"In our last battle training. We were all wondering if we'd ever be able to use it." I reply, smiling at her with difficulty.
"Well you used it." She mutters and I laugh lightly.
"Yeah I suppose, but just think how hard that'd be to pull off in an actual battle?" I ask to make her feel better.
"Yeah I guess. Rosepetal is so teaching me that though!" She mews and I smile while she leaves and Nightpaw takes her place. My smile slides off my face immediately.
We circle and Nightpaw mews quietly, "I just don't understand, this isn't like you."
"Maybe this is the real me." I reply just as quietly.
"I refuse to believe that." He mews firmly.
"Well believe it."
He jumps and I don't doge, he lands bowling me over, but he has too much momentum and we keep rolling until he's the one pinned.
"Stop lying!" He hisses.
"This is me! I'm a horrible cat!" I snarl as tears burn my throat.
"You're not!" He shoots back, throwing me off with a force I didn't expect. Somehow I land on my feet.
"How do you know?" I cry my voice cracking.
"Because I know you!" He jumps again and this time I doge. He hits the ground hard and I pin him down. He wriggles then uses his hind legs to knock mine out from under me. I hit the ground next him "I know who you really are." He whispers our faces almost touching.
"That's a little impossible because I don't even know who I am!" I snarl and we both leap up, both of us landing blows.
"You do! You're the cat who pushes herself to hard! You're the cat who protects her Clan! Who puts us above everything! You're smart, and you're loyal, and you're beautiful!"
"Stop!" I cry as the tears sting my eyes. I push him away and he staggers back.
"I love you. And I know you love me too." He mews then races forward again. I jump spinning around, hitting his face with my hind paw, throwing him to the ground.
"I don't." I hiss furiously. It's lie but he takes my anger at myself the wrong way. He thinks it's directed at him. I practically see his face die. I feel him go cold. I watch the pain, the pain behind his eyes.
And I don't do anything.
I stand there like the rotten horrible cat I am. I watch as all the hopes he'd harbored and the future he'd planned out die.
Then he stands up. He pushes past me hitting me and I stumble. I don't even bother picking myself back up. I hear him leave. Hear his pawsteps as he runs away. Away from me. Forever. Are you happy Yellowfang? I just committed double homicide. A murder and a suicide. I'm sure you're very proud.
I stand weakly and walk out in the opposite direction. Away from camp. Away from him. As soon as I'm out of the training hollow I break into a run. And I don't stop. I just keep running because if I slow down what I did will crash onto me and I will die, right here in this forest before I fulfill my bloody prophecy.
Just keep running, don't feel, don't think, just run. You can survive if you just keep running, run and don't stop.
I smell ShadowClan sent marks in the distance so I run up the nearest tree. I get to the top and realize there's nowhere else to run to. Nowhere else to go. I'm trapped. Forever. Forever. That word keeps coming up doesn't it?
He'll get over it. He'll get a mate. Brokenstar showed me that much. He'll find that tortishell and move on. He'll have kits. And he'll forget all about me. The she-cat who broke his heart.
But me? I'll never get over it. I'll never move on. Because he was the only one for me. I'll never move on. I'll never get a mate. I'll never have kits. I probably wouldn't be allowed anyway. I'll never forget him. I'll be alone. He was it. And I broke his heart. And blew up mine.
And reality crashes on me and I stop breathing. I fall from the tree and land in heap. Somehow I don't hurt myself. I wish I did. I wish I could feel real pain. Something to distract me from this blinding agony. And as it crashes down again I cry out. I scream my pain, my aguish, my hurt out to the forest. And no one answers. Alone.
I have no strength. As the sun fades away I stay still, lying right where I am. Unable to make myself move, I cry silently. With no one to hear.
Okay so school started last week (and it feels like I've been there forever already!) we probably will only update on these days: Monday, Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday. It depends on week days though, if I have a bunch of homework then I won't update.
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We really need submissions for our CREATE-A-CAT! We have gotten ZERO submissions. If you would like to have your cat be part of the next book then PLEASE submit your C-A-C ASAP! See form in previous chapters for submissions! Thanks!
Updated A/N: The create a cat is closed.
