I've decided to turn the angst up a notch or two...
They sat and ate dinner in silence; Calleigh had finished her meal and looked over to Horatio only to find him pushing the food around his plate, seemingly lost in thought. "What are you thinking about?" she asked as his fork stilled, he looked up at her. "Please Horatio, let me in. I can help you if you let me"
He took a few moments and then placed his knife and fork down on the table, "I'm tired, Calleigh" She opened her mouth to reply but he spoke again before she had the chance to say anything. "I'm tired of being alone"
"But you're not alone, why can't you see that?"
"I am alone. Look at me; I'm a middle-aged man with no wife and a kid that is on the other side of the world. I'm meant to be alone"
"You have Alex, Eric and all of the people at the lab. They love you, Horatio" she said, trying to get him to understand.
He raised his gaze to look at her, "And what about you, Calleigh?"
His stare was making her feel slightly uncomfortable, had he noticed the way she had been looking at him over the last few days? Had he noticed her kissing him on the cheek? "I…I…I care for you a lot" she stuttered as she tried to find the right words.
He rubbed a tired hand over his face and through his hair, "What am I to you?"
"Oh God" she thought, "Do I tell him the truth, could he handle it right now?" She took a deep breath before answering, "You mean a lot to me, Horatio. I don't know what I'd do without you" She hoped she had done enough to answer his query without divulging the true depths of her feelings for him.
He couldn't help but feel disappointed, and then he felt silly for misreading the signals that she had been giving him. "She's not interested in you, old man. Once this week is up she'll go back to her own life. A life that you don't have any place in" He closed his eyes as the voices taunted him again, "She doesn't love you, who would ever love someone like you?"
It took her surprise when he suddenly stood up from his chair, the scraping noise of wood on linoleum shocked her from her reverie. "Horatio, what's the matter?" she got up from her own chair and started to walk around to his side of the table. She placed a hand on his arm, "What's wrong?"
"Please, Calleigh. Just leave it, I need some time to think" he gently disengaged himself from her and walked into the lounge.
As she went about clearing the dinner plates and placing them in the sink she mulled over their conversation. Why hadn't she just been honest with him and told him how she really felt? Was worrying about his emotional state just an excuse not to confess her true feelings? She berated herself for being too cowardly, afraid that she would be knocked back by the man that she had grown to love so deeply. So what if he didn't feel the same? He had been through a lifetimes worth of heartache in a few short days, her broken heart would seem inconsequential in comparison. "Go in there and be honest with him" she told herself, trying to find the courage to lay her soul bare to him.
She walked through in to the lounge with more confidence than she actually felt, "Hey, handsome" she said as she sat next to him on the couch. His body radiated tension; she could feel it coming off him in waves.
"You haven't called me that in years" he observed his hands clasped together and elbows resting on his knees.
"You're still as handsome as the day I met you" she said, hoping that he would read her meaning without her having to spell it out to him.
He stood up quickly and walked over to the bay window, "Calleigh, you need to stop doing that" his voice was barely a whisper.
"Doing what? I don't understand"
He sighed deeply and tried to get his roiling emotions under control, "Stop playing games with me"
"I don't know what you mean" she said innocently, even though she knew what he was talking about.
"Yes you do. I'm warning you now, stop it. I can't take it anymore" he growled.
She stood up and walked over to where he was standing, "I care for you a lot, Horatio" she tried to calm him.
"Stop saying that!" she physically jumped as he shouted; he turned his back to her and took several deep breaths to calm himself. "You need to tell me the truth. What am I to you?"
"I'm not sure now is the right time to be talking about this" she replied evasively.
His voice rose again, "It's exactly the right time to be talking about it. What happens next week when we go back to work, are you just going to go back to giving me the cold shoulder?"
"Cold shoulder?" she repeated, unable to believe what he was saying. "Since when have I given you the cold shoulder?" her voice rose, indignant at what he was accusing her of.
"Since I married Marisol" he turned to look at her, he could see that he had upset her yet he felt powerless to stop himself. "What did I do, Calleigh? What did I do to ruin our friendship? I thought we were close"
"We were" she said before correcting herself, "We are"
He laughed bitterly, "Please. You haven't cared about me for years. All the times I needed a friend, where were you. Where were any of you?" His heart broke at the pained look on her face, he was hurting her and yet he couldn't stop himself from driving his point home. One final push and then they would all leave him alone, for good. "I needed you and you abandoned me"
Her bottom lip quivered, she knew he was lashing out in spite. Jeff had warned her that he was likely to push those closest to him away but she still couldn't hide the hurt from her face as his verbal barrages hit home. She steeled herself to fight fire with fire, "This isn't all about you!" she shouted. It had the desired effect as he looked at her, stunned. "You were the one who pushed us away. Pushed me away. Don't act like you're the only wounded party here. Have you any idea what Alex and I have been through these past few days?" He opened his mouth to respond but she would not give him the chance, his verbal attack had ignited a fire deep within in her and now it was raging out of control. "What do you want me to say to you? That it'll all be alright, that life is all puppies and roses? Well it's not, life sucks and we have to live with it. You're not the only one who has pain in their life!"
"Calleigh, I….."
"No, you don't get to attack me like that and then walk away as if nothing has happened! What about me, don't you think I'm lonely too?"
If he was being honest with himself he had never actually given a second thought to her feelings of pain and loneliness. "Calleigh, I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it"his cheeks coloured in shame as he saw a few stray tears run down her cheeks.
She tried to compose herself, "You want the truth?" she pierced him with her steely gaze. He gulped slightly and nodded his head, unsure of what to expect. "God, you infuriate me sometimes! You make me so mad that I could throttle you. You're so out of sorts at the moment that you can't see what's staring you in the face" He looked at her puzzled, "How's this for honesty? I love you"
He stood there nonplussed, looking for all the worlds as if he had just been slapped. He was sure he had misheard her, "I'm sorry?"
She grabbed him by both arms and looked him in the eyes, "I love you, Horatio Caine" Staring in to her emerald eyes he could not deny the sincerity in her words, but he just could not understand why someone as brilliant and beautiful as her would want anything to do with a washed-up old man like him.
