Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the plot of the story here. Thanks so much for reading and an even bigger thank you to those who review and let me know what you think. Thanks for sticking with this so long!
Sorry this took so long, was not in the right headspace or canon space to work on it. Also don't even get me started on how long it took to come up with the right song for Simon. For anyone who cares it's 'The Living Years' by Mike + The Mechanics.
The Living Years
When you lived in Gotham you learned to sleep lightly unless you could afford to do otherwise. And needless to say Blake had never been one of those people. Being in tune with his surroundings and able to throw off sleep with the snap of a finger had saved Blake's butt plenty of times once he'd mastered the art of sleeping lightly. No surprise, it hadn't come naturally to him. But whether it was that training, the knowledge that Talia was plotting his untimely demise, or the fact that he was still getting weird hot flashes that kept him sweaty and uncomfortable didn't matter. Regardless of the reason Blake was awake and aware in a heartbeat when someone knocked lightly on their door while it was still dark outside.
The fact that whoever it was was announcing their presence was reassuring. Odds were their visitor didn't want one or both of them dead. Or if they did that wasn't why they were here.
Naturally the knocking had woken up Bane as well, the alpha sliding out of bed in tandem with him a moment later while telling Blake to remain in bed. Or else.
"Or else what?" Seriously. Bad guys rarely knocked before killing you, and it had to be important if they were being interrupted so late at night. Or early in the morning. He didn't know what time it was.
Blake assumed Bane was giving him a look that would make a normal person stay put, he could feel the force of it even if he couldn't see it...and wasn't it handy that it was too dark for him to see it? He certainly thought so.
Still, there was no point in pissing Bane off if whoever was at the door was someone come to fetch Bane for Talia or to report something in a language he didn't understand and therefore couldn't prove useful later. Plus now that Blake was thinking clearer there really was no point in getting up so he might as well stay on the bed like a good little omega until it suited him to do otherwise. So he did.
By the time Bane had gotten his favorite accessory strapped into place the visitor had knocked again, Bane demanding to know who it was before opening it. So suspicious.
"Kwame, Sir. Barsad sent me."
Adding that list of names to his mental catalogue of 'Who's Who in the League of Shadows' Blake watched from the bed as Bane opened the door.
"Report."
"Hitachi is dead."
"Shit." Jumping to his feet Blake quickly walked across the mattress and then hopped off Bane's side of the bed to run over to the door. Or as close as he could get before Bane moved to block him from leaving the room. The damn man took up a lot of space when he wanted to, his back to Blake. "Move it or lose it! Simon will need me!"
"Robin."
"I am serious right now, Bane. He's family to me and he's just lost someone he loves very much. He probably isn't showing how much he's hurting but he needs to know he's not alone and I will NOT forgive you if you try and make me stay in here. Either you take me to him or bring him to me. Those are the only two options you have." A pause for emphasis. "No one should be alone while they're grieving unless it's by choice. And even then that's usually a stupid idea."
Still not looking in Blake's direction Bane addressed the underling. "Is Barsad with the boy?"
"Yes, Sir."
Opening his mouth to tell Bane that Barsad or no Barsad he was still going, Blake found himself closing his mouth as Bane ordered the beta to go and relay to Barsad that the two of them would be coming to pay their respects momentarily.
"Yes, Sir."
Bane closed the door then finally turned around to face Blake properly. Or Blake presumed he did since there was really no light to see by now that the door was closed. "Go get dressed properly."
Oh. Right. He was only wearing boxer briefs.
Turning around Blake headed straight for the dresser where his meager collection of clothes were kept, finding it with ease since he'd already mapped out the room in his head so that even in the dark he wouldn't trip over anything. Had to be ready for anything after all. Especially since it was Talia al Ghul who was shortly going to try and assassinate him. Or more likely have one of her underlings was going to try and ideally fail. Horribly, and without him having to kill the guy in question.
Though he'd do it a hell of a lot quicker and more merciful than Bane would if he was here at the time.
Bane it seemed wanted the light as Blake had hardly started to rummage through the drawer before a nearby lamp was turned on, the setting low enough that Blake only had to blink a couple of times to adjust to the change in visibility. Then he went to work stepping into his pants, yanking them into place with a quick hop and twist. Then it was shirt time with no care given to the type or whether it was inside out or not. Didn't matter. Neither did socks to his way of thinking as Blake hurried over to where his shoes were and slipped those on before whirling around to face Bane again, hands moving to his hips and plenty of attitude present in his stance.
Luckily for the alpha Bane was dressed as well now, his man giving him a look Blake ignored as Bane retrieved his own footwear.
Opening his mouth to tell him to be quick about it it belatedly occurred to Blake that Bane had known Hitachi for a long time. Possibly since he'd come out of The Pits. Simon might not be the only one grieving at the moment.
"I'm sorry." Reaching out Blake put a hand on Bane's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "I'm sorry for your loss too."
Saying nothing, Bane inclined his head in acknowledgement.
Alphas. Emotionally Stunted Are Us.
But for now he'd leave that alone, come back to it later when there weren't more important issues to address than Bane's need to connect with his emotions. Instead Blake turned his thoughts towards more practical matters.
To start with Blake asked Bane if they buried or cremated members of the League of Shadows. Also would Hitachi's body be dealt with here or would they have to return to Ra's al Ghul's lair for whatever version of a funeral they gave their people.
"It is for the man to choose how he wishes his body to return to the earth. Hitachi made his preference of cremation known long ago. Some of his ashes will be taken to League headquarters, the rest can be kept by the boy if he wishes. Or returned to the earth."
Rising to his full height Bane looked in Blake's direction again. "You may offer him comfort. Even hold him if you must. Only when it is only I or Barsad there to witness it. And only now. Understand?"
"I understand." Didn't mean he'd listen, but he understood.
"Do not push me on this, Azizi."
"You know you still haven't told me what that means. And I don't have Alexa or Siri to ask."
"Who?"
"They're something that helps you find info on things." He had no idea what they were called exactly, just that they were useful when they weren't reminding him of Hal from '2001: A Space Odyssey'. Would you call them artificial intelligence or just a really weird search engine?
Walking over to the door Bane opened it. "Behave properly and I'll explain afterwards."
Bribery. Bane was taking a page from Blake's own handbook. Unfortunately.
"Deal."
)
When they arrived at the room Hitachi and Simon had been assigned it was to find Hitachi's body lying peacefully on his bed, Simon sitting on a chair beside the bed with his adoptive father's hand in his. Barsad stood protectively behind Simon, watching over him but not touching him. A quick look confirmed that Simon's face was expressionless, no tear tracks or swollen eyes hinting at his grief. But that meant nothing when it came to the average alpha, much less one like Simon. Since they'd been reunited Simon had told him enough about the old man for Blake to know just how much the other man's love had meant to him. Would mean to anyone, much less a former foster kid who'd never had a proper family.
Leaving Bane's side Blake hurried over but didn't hug Simon the way he wanted to. He knew better. Instead he asked if Simon wanted a hug or not.
"I don't know."
Well aware of their audience Blake placed an arm across Simon's shoulder. "Okay?"
Simon took a moment to consider, then nodded. "Yes."
"Good. I'm sorry you've lost your father."
"He was in pain a lot. And he died knowing you would at least try and take care of me. He was really worried about that all the time."
"Well you can be quite the handful."
"That's true. That's why no one ever wanted to adopt me. He only adopted me to fill the gap of his real son...but that was okay. It was still like having a real father, not one paid to pretend to care. I think in the end he loved me for real."
Feeling tears welling up in his eyes, he couldn't help it, Blake gave Simon's shoulder a squeeze. "I know he did. I could see it."
Simon looked over at him. "You always feel others pain. I can't do that. I can't cry."
"You're crying on the inside."
Brows scrunching Simon considered that possibility before turning back to look at what remained of his father. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. What am I supposed to do?"
"Did you say goodbye to him already?"
"No. He was sleeping and breathing...then he stopped. I did CPR. It didn't help."
"Then you need to say goodbye to him now."
Simon shook his head. "He's dead now. He can't hear me. I don't think people become ghosts or angels or anything like that. He's just gone."
"Maybe. But the goodbye isn't just for him, but for you. You need to acknowledge that he's gone and the pain that causes you." And anticipating Simon's response to that Blake cut if off by asking him if there was a song he wanted to sing. One about grief and loss that expressed what Simon needed to express in order to move forward.
"Oh. Maybe."
While Simon mulled that over Blake tried to think of some songs he could recommend if Simon wanted some suggestions from him. Unfortunately his mental song catalogue was a lot smaller than Simon's was and on top of that Blake knew Simon well enough to know that if the song didn't fit perfectly Simon wouldn't want to use it. 'Circle of Life' would fit. He'd heard that sung at a funeral once. Or there was that Jimmy Eat World song, 'Hear You Me'. No, that wouldn't work either. Nor would that really popular Vandross song from a while back since there was no mother in this scenario. Religious choices were out of the question given that neither Simon nor the man he mourned were of the Christian faith and Blake didn't know any from other religions or cultures.
"Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Oh, crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defense
Say it loud (say it loud), say it clear (oh say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late (it's too late) when we die (oh when we die)
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be okay."
There was more to the song, it was one of those classics even Blake knew mostly by heart, but running the rest of the lyrics through his mind Blake understood why Simon had stopped there even before Simon explained.
"The rest of the lyrics didn't fit. This one...doesn't say all I want to say either. But it was as close as I could come up with."
A moment of silence.
"Barsad, could you move back please. I need to get out of the chair."
"Of course."
Simon waited until Barsad had moved to his other side and then Simon pushed the chair back and letting go of his father's hand walked up the length of the bed to stand at the head of it.
"I didn't agree with the way you saw the world, and if there is a Hell you might be there now because of the League and the things you did for them. But you were a good father to me and I love you."
Leaning down Simon placed a kiss on his father's forehead and then straightened up once more, his eyes never leaving his father's face.
"I don't want to stay here anymore. He's not here."
"I'll take care of him." Barsad stated before Blake could even try to suss out whether he could convince Bane to let Simon camp out on their bedroom floor so he wouldn't be alone.
"I'm okay with that." Was Simon's response.
)
Alphas were very opposed to showing their emotions and for once Kei was very much acting like one. You'd almost think he was a robot instead of human, his face revealed so little. Only when he'd sung that last song for his father had any emotion come into his voice, leaving it as soon as the haunting song was finished. Now here Barsad was, in charge of taking care of Kei for the rest of the night and morning, and he had no idea how to proceed. Other than keep the touching to a minimum since Kei hadn't welcomed the cop's touch earlier.
But now here they were, in his sparse bedroom, and Barsad could think of nothing to say but state that Kei should take the bed. He'd be fine in the chair.
"Why? We'll both fit on your bed. And if anyone has to sleep on the chair it should be me. Though I'd rather not."
"If you're sure."
"It's fine."
Fine but not fine enough for Kei to head over to said bed it seemed. Instead Kei just walked over to the bookshelf situated by the chair Barsad had been prepared to sleep in.
"You should get some sleep."
Kei looked over his shoulder at him. "I don't know if I can. My mind is too busy." A moment's pause. "Do you believe in Hell?"
Well it wasn't hard to guess why Kei was asking that.
"I believe mankind makes Hell here on Earth. As for the eternal torture some religions believe waits for the damned, I don't know if there is a next life. Or a God I'll have to answer to someday."
"I'm not religious either. Neither was Father. He didn't worry about being judged...now I have to for him. I don't want him to suffer, though he made people suffer so maybe it's only fair."
Approaching Kei cautiously Barsad stopped when he was standing shoulder to shoulder with him. "I think your father was a good man."
That earned him a sidelong look. "Because he thought like you."
It shouldn't have mattered, he shouldn't care enough to ask, much less dread the answer, but Barsad forced the words out as he asked Kei if he thought him an evil man.
"No. Just stupid. Or possibly insane."
I really should be used to the weirdness that comes out of this boy's mouth, Barsad told himself after a moment of stunned silence. That had not been the response he'd been expecting...and yet now that the initial shock was fading he wasn't actually that surprised.
"I'm not insane."
"I didn't think so. But it is a possibility."
"I'm not stupid either."
"Someone said that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different outcome. You're all trying to remake the world like millions or even billions before you. But as long as mankind exists the world will be as fucked up as we are. You can't change human nature. Not really. Not long term anyway. That's human nature too."
And on that note Kei spun around and walked over to the bed and took a seat, bending over to start untying his boots like he hadn't just picked a fight with him.
"Are you trying to pick a fight with me to take your mind off your father's passing?" That would make sense given Kei's alpha nature. But Barsad doubted that that was the case. Which meant Kei was just being...Kei. How was this boy still alive?
"Why would I pick a fight with you to distract myself? You'd beat the crap out of me. If I wanted you to distract me there are a lot less painful things we could do. And why aren't you getting into your bed by the way? Aren't you tired?"
