All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I am merely playing in her lovely world.
I'm sorry for the lateness of this post. I have been very busy designing and teaching new online Shakespeare courses, so my weekends have been quite busy dealing with work. Yes, even on the weekends...
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Chapter Twenty-Eight: Another Topic
After a long, sweet kiss, Bella loosed her arms from around my neck and leaned back to glance up at me. "Can I talk to you about something, too?" she asked.
"You know you can—about anything," I assured her, trying not to worry as I noted the serious expression on her face.
Bella looked down at her hands in her lap, seeming to avoid my gaze. "I'm afraid that you might get mad at me," she said softly.
Her reluctance to look at me caused anxiety to quicken my breaths. But I rushed to calm her concerns despite my own worry.
"Love, really. I won't be angry."
"Promise?" she asked, still not looking up.
"Promise." I leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her warm, blushing cheek.
"We haven't talked about it all summer...not really since Prom. And I just wanted you to know that I haven't forgotten," she almost whispered, ducking her head further.
I had an inkling of her topic now, and my lips folded into a displeased line that fortunately she didn't see with her face averted.
"I think we can solve this dilemma," she continued in the same low voice. "You know, make things easier for you." She finally looked up, a wistful expression crossing her face. Before she could notice my displeasure, I wiped my own facial expression to one of blank calm. But as I searched her face, I noticed a hardness in her usually soft brown eyes which denoted her stubbornness all too clearly. I repressed a frustrated sigh.
"I know what you're thinking," I spoke slowly, and recognized a hard note in my own voice that was rarely present when I spoke to her. "And I won't do it. I won't let it happen to you. The rest of us...we had no choice in the matter. It was death...or this 'life,' or whatever it is. But you have a choice that we did not have. You cannot take that choice lightly, Bella."
"But becoming like you would solve everything! We could be together, the way we want to. And being with me wouldn't be a struggle for you any more. It makes perfect sense," she pleaded.
"Isabella, I will not be responsible for your death or for the loss of your soul," I ground out between clenched teeth. "Think about your father, your mother, your friends, Bella. You would never be able to see them again. Ever. You would have no life. I can't let that happen to you. I won't let it happen. And that's final."
Bella sighed. "I knew you would be angry," she whispered. Her eyes were defiant, but I could see tears beginning to gather along the rims, and her face suddenly looked like that of a young child in its sadness.
Unclenching my rigid jaw, I felt my anger melt under her sorrowful expression. I closed my eyes for a moment, willing myself to calm down and not take out my anger on her. It wasn't Bella's fault that she didn't understand the repulsive act she was pleading for since I had hidden the monster in me all too well, withholding vital information from Bella in order to not alarm her. All she saw was the exterior beauty of myself and my family; she didn't see the horror of the bloodthirsty beings we were...or the terror we produced—or our "mistakes" when temptation overpowered us. We played our parts all-too-well around her, and that was our fault. My fault. I couldn't be angry at her for not understanding, but I also wasn't going to explain in any more detail to her than was absolutely necessary. Bella didn't need even more nightmares waking her when she was already experiences horrific visions of James at night far too often.
Gently I cupped her lovely, fragile face between my icy palms. "I love you too much to allow you to give up everything for me, Bella. I'm sorry, but it's simply not an option. We'll work on controlling ourselves better, love, and everything can be as it has been," I assured her.
She looked at me sadly. "Can we? Can we continue loving each other when we're so different?"
I pulled her close to my cold, silent chest. "Of course we can, love," I assured her with more conviction than I felt myself.
Her head was tucked under my chin so that I couldn't see her expression, but I felt her body relax slightly in my arms. I leaned toward her, gently capturing her lips in a sweet kiss, one that she returned softly at first. But as the kiss continued, Bella reached her small fingers to the nape of my neck as she pressed herself against me feverishly, parting her lips slightly as she tried to deepen the kiss.
I froze for a moment, then carefully broke the kiss, unwrapping her arms from around my neck and putting as much distance between our bodies as I could with her sitting in my lap. Bella looked up at me, her eyes slightly unfocused for a moment before understanding lit her expression, then chagrin. "Oops," she whispered, her fingers touching her lips, now reddened by our kiss.
I chuckled humorlessly, holding my breath for a minute before drawing in enough air to respond, "Yes, I think 'oops' just about covers it."
Bella smiled, "Well, I guess you get to be the responsible one since I seem to be unable to think clearly at times like these."
"Wonderful," I groaned sarcastically, knowing that my control was scarcely stronger than hers, despite my immortality and super-human strength.
Bella clambered awkwardly off my lap and to her feet, then held out her hand to help me up. I stared at her proffered hand, frowning. Why would I need help up?
She smiled widely, and my silent heart tightened at her unconscious beauty. Her smile lights my world, I thought, laughing inwardly at my sentimentality. I would do almost anything to see that smile.
"I thought I ought to go home before 'responsibility' becomes too difficult...for both of us," she grinned.
"If you weren't challenging my 'responsibility,' then we wouldn't have a problem," I half-grumbled, half-teased. "You need to behave yourself, love."
"But where's the fun in that?" she quipped.
Deliberately I sighed dramatically, causing her to laugh. "Okay, on my back," I directed her, and she rolled her eyes in mock-horror.
I took one more glance around our meadow, feeling a mixture of both sadness and elation as I helped Bella situate herself, her legs wrapped snugly around my waist and her face buried in my shoulder with her eyes closed so that she wouldn't become dizzy. I gloried in having her so close to me, of being her strength as we raced through the forest.
And thus we flew back to Forks...and to reality.
After helping her to dismount awkwardly from my back, her legs shaking slightly after my run, Bella and I strolled hand-in-hand along the path from the forest to her house. As we both noted (with a groan) the presence of Charlie's cruiser in the driveway, we stopping in our tracks. Charlie wasn't usually home on Sundays until dinnertime or later, and now if was around four in the afternoon. Gazing at the unwelcome sight, we looked at one another, silently asking, What do we do?
"Maybe I'd better spend the rest of the afternoon and the evening with my dad," Bella said, her voice discouraged. "After all, I start work tomorrow, and I won't be seeing him as much as I usually do."
A stab of jealousy took my breath away for a moment, but I swallowed the painful sensation and murmured, "And you won't be seeing as much of me, either."
Bella's face paled at the implied criticism. "Edward, you know that I need this job. The truck eats gas like crazy, and I need to start saving up for college. Charlie doesn't have any money except his retirement fund, which I refuse to touch, and Renee has always told me to earn lots of scholarships as she can't help me with college, either. So this job is very important to me, Edward." She looked up at me through her thick lashes, her hands tightening in mine before whispering, "You understand, don't you?"
My jaw was set in a hard line. I knew that this need for money was Bella's main reason for wanting this job, but I wished with all my heart that she would allow me to give her gas money and pay her college tuition for her. But she had nearly come unglued when I offered her money, merely a small pittance when compared to the vast funds available to me as a Cullen. It was one of the few times I had seen Bella truly angry with me, and I was not eager for a repeat performance.
Of course, I should have expected such a reaction, as Alice had scolded me later that evening. If my girl will barely allow me to take her to a nice restaurant for dinner and won't allow me to purchase the merest trifle to give her as a gift, of course she would not refuse my offer of money for her basic needs and for her college fund. It was embarrassing enough to be chewed out by Bella, but to have my sister (and then my mother) chastise me as well... I shook my head in chagrin at the memory. I would not make that mistake twice.
Although I usually admired Bella's stubborn independence, I was not at all pleased about this job that not only took her away from me for hours at a time, but also cheered Charlie to no end as Bella spent time with Mike Newton rather than with me. I trusted Bella implicitly; Newton...not in the least. I did not want him anywhere near my love, much less in an intimate work environment with her. Newton had a difficult time hearing the word no, and Bella was too naïve to understand his many plans and machinations to get close to her. He clearly admired her...all too clearly. And I had to admit that I was seven shades of green with jealousy at the hours he would spend in her presence...time that should have been mine to spend with Bella. I nearly growled at the thought, but held it back at the last minute so that I wouldn't upset Bella.
Obviously I couldn't confess my present thoughts to Bella; my offering to pay her daily expenses plus her college tuition would only anger her again, and she would never suspect her father of such a nefarious scheme to separate us. I sighed, allowing my expression to relax.
"Yes, I know, love," was all I said.
Bella stepped forward to embrace me, and I wrapped my arms around her, holding her to my silent heart. I hated every moment I spent away from her presence, but at times, such separations were unavoidable. But it didn't mean that I had to like being away from Bella.
"Spend some time with your brothers this evening," she encouraged, her voice muffled against my chest. "You spend so much time with me that I think they're missing you." She stepped away from me then, her hands on my forearms.
"Yes, you're right, love," I whispered, my right hand reaching up to cup her delicate cheekbones as a blush spread across her face. "I'll be back tonight around ten, all right?"
Placing her warm hand atop my cool one against her face, Bella smiled half-heartedly. "I'll be waiting," she said, leaning up to press a chaste kiss to my lips before turning away.
I watched her walk across the lawn, then bound up the porch steps...thankfully without tripping. She stopped at the door to give me a sad little wave which I returned just as reluctantly. Calling a greeting to her father as she opened the front door, Bella disappeared into the house, moving toward the kitchen to start Charlie's dinner.
I sighed, inwardly arguing with myself. My heart told me to stay here, hidden in the forest trees, to listen to Bella's evening with her father and to make certain that she was safe. But my logical side persisted that my girl was quite right: Emmett and Jasper has become relentless in persuading me to hunt with them since Bella's return from Phoenix as I had only accompanied them once in the last couple of months.
Sighing again, I turned on my heel and, disappearing into the forest, I ghosted my way to our family's large white house beside the river.
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