A/N: Hello, folks. This is the long-awaited Singles Awareness Day chapter. It is much like the Christmas chapter for the following reasons: It is huge, it is complex, it took me forever to write, and I owe quite a bit of it to OptiMoose. Those who frequent the author MB will know what I'm talking about. (Threadname "My Funny Valentine") Much of this chapter is also credited to Treneka, without whom a certain idea would never have crossed my mind. And to Iapetus, for helping me make a rather important decision. She says to credit Bunny Urasawa's "True Romance", a doujinshi that provided me with a rather priceless mental image.

Warning: This chapter is spoilery like fuck. Well, not that fuck is spoilery, but this chapter is really spoilery. Yes.

The buzzword of the chapter is the corniest pick-up line you can possibly give me. Think hard on it, folks. I want the worst you've got. Muahaha.

Notes to my reviewers at the end of the chapter, as always.


Somewhere, there is laughter. Somewhere, there is vibrant life and encompassing, forgiving, accepting love. Somewhere, under the rainbow, bluebirds fly.

Here there is the cynicism of the jaded and the humor in the sordid. One Genjo Sanzo, a golden idol, sits buried to his neck in valentines. There are so many bouquets that no counter space is left and a few vases totter unsteadily on the couch. The door is thrown wide open to allow passage of original character after original character bearing bags upon bags of cards. The last is a familiar face.

Ren saunters over to Sanzo on the couch, one eyebrow raised high. "You sure make a lot of friends."

Sanzo shifts and an avalanche of perfumed, pink paper tumbles to the floor. "Blame crossovers."

Ren grins. "Poor guy. I've got one more thing for you. Look; a stuffed bunny. It's pretty unique, huh?"

The expression on Sanzo's face is carefully blank as he reaches up to accept the gift. There is no tag on it, nor is there any marking that would indicate that this stuffed bunny is any different from the thousands of stuffed bunnies existing in the world. Without looking back at Ren, Sanzo takes firm grip of the top of the bunny's head and tears it away.

Nestled inside of the stuffing is a small roll of paper, decorated on the outside with two green stripes. Sanzo sneers, snarls, pulls the paper out of the beheaded bunny and opens the note. There is nothing on it.

"What do you want?" Sanzo asks, knowing Ren is looking over his shoulder.

Clearly startled, Ren mutters, "Nothing. Creepy, that. Uh. Happy V-day."

"Yeah." Sanzo holds the bunny for a while, enough of his character asserting itself so that he seethes instead of experiencing acute anxiety. For the moment, it takes his mind away from the love notes in his lap. Ren does not shut the door behind him, and so Sanzo gets up, causing another cascade of falling envelopes in the process, to lock himself in.

Instead of completing his intended task, Sanzo comes face-to-face with a very haggard Gojyo. In a diaper.

In fact, the monk is so taken aback by the sight that he continues the process of closing the front door and, in effect, flattens Gojyo's approaching foot against the doorframe.

"God damn it what was that for?" Gojyo howls, bending down to cradle what will soon be brilliantly bruised skin.

"Ch. Baby," is all Sanzo can think of to reply.

The irony is not lost on Gojyo, who defensively cries, "I'm Cupid, okay? I got stuck in a fiction where I was the one floating around set-gyah!" Gojyo gives a very undignified yelp as Hakkai pinches one of his love handles and forces him to revert. The brunette ducks into the room under Gojyo's arm, giving Sanzo a bright smile and apparently taking no notice of the mess of adoration into which their den has been transformed.

"Uh…Hakkai?" Gojyo calls, rubbing the spot that had been pinched. "You in a hurry?"

Hakkai pops out of his room a second later, an easy smile on his face. He keeps his hands behind his back. "Why, yes, actually. No rush, you see, but I do have somewhere that I need to be. Errands to run, and all of that. I'll be back in a minute or so."

And with that, Hakkai is gone. Gojyo looks past Sanzo, finally registering the sheer volume of perfume permeating the room. And then he looks down to Sanzo.

"…Are you holding half a bunny?"


Kougaiji stands in his kitchen, absently eating an apple. He has been eating this apple for the past twenty minutes or so, listening to the sounds of Yaone down the hall as she talks to herself. It is, in a word, amusing. He knows his sister and his apothecary have bonded in nearly the sense of a mother and daughter, but the looks they have been giving one another recently have been outside of the norm. He supposes he will only bring it up if their behavior causes a problem, but the constant in-jokes are beginning to irk him to no end. He wonders what is so funny about frozen strawberry jelly.

His reverie is broken by a measured, authoritative knock. Kougaiji puts down the slice of apple he had not been eating and goes to greet the visitor, absently wondering if Lirin had forgotten her keys again.

The sight in front of Kougaiji is nothing less than dazzling. Homura Toushin Taishi is groomed impeccably to the point of gleaming, with buffed skin, hair that is clean and tangle-free, a shining smile, and a daringly tight outfit that brings attention where it is most desired. In one hand he holds a terra cotta pot of forget-me-nots, obviously home-grown, and in the other he holds a platter with a chocolate cake baked in the shape of a heart.

Before Kougaiji can react, Homura purrs, "May I speak to the lovely lady of the house?"

Immediately, Kougaiji's thoughts spring to Lirin. In a burst of brotherly protectiveness, he nearly shuts Homura out. But he thinks better of it, responding, "There are two."

Homura does not find this humorous in the slightest, and brandishes the flowerpot with no small measure of authority. "Bring Yaone out here. I demand to see her."

Affronted, Kougaiji snarls, "Yaone? Demand? You don't have the right to demand anything from me!"

At this, Homura grins. His teeth gleam better than a toothpaste commercial. "She holds my heart. I have the right to demand it be brought back to me."

His ire rising, Kougaiji opens his mouth to give Homura the what-for when he hears, "Kougaiji-sama, do we have company?"

As one, Homura and Kougaiji turn to see Yaone walking calmly into the room. For a moment, albeit a small one, neither man can speak. She is, as is her custom, dressed to suit the holiday. Whereas her outfit for Christmas was rather reminiscent of a chilled candy cane, for Valentine's Day she has donned a souped-up version of the Little Black Dress. The fabric clings to her skin and catches the light in shimmering red, highlighting her curves and drawing the eye down her long legs to black, strapped sandals and her red-painted toenails. Kougaiji manages to realize that this is the first time he has ever really seen her bare legs. Without tights or garters, there is a sudden jolt of intimacy to her. For this occasion, she has let her hair down and painted her lips in soft gloss. She gives them both a shy smile.

"Why, hello, Homura-san. Kougaiji-sama, please, you should have called me."

Homura, upon being addressed, jolts into action. "Oh, lovely lady, too many nights have gone by that I have spent alone dreaming of your limpid, sparkling eyes! I dote upon your very footstep and cherish your every breath, that this humble man might spend another minute in your presence. For too long I have watched you, admired you, loved you from afar, but I can hold my silence no longer. Please accept these tokens of my undying affection, my dearest Yaone."

Yaone blushes like a fire truck. She rushes forward to Homura, cradling the pot of flowers in her arms and leading him toward the kitchen counter so that he might deposit the cake. "H-Homura-san!" she stammers. "You shouldn't have!"

Wryly, Kougaiji remarks, "You heard the lady."

If it is possible, Yaone's flush deepens. "Kougaiji-sama…that isn't what I meant to say." She turns back to Homura, who bestows upon her another dazzling smile.

"You heard the lady, Kougaiji," he sneers out of the corner of his mouth. Then, affixing upon his lips a beatific smile, Homura interlaces his fingers with Yaone's and takes to a kneel, valiantly resisting the urge to look up her skirt.

"Yaone, my dearest and most treasured Yaone, I do not think I could live another day without you. My only wish is to be by your side every night and every day. When I am with you I feel like I can touch the sky. You…complete me. Please, marry me."

Silence falls heavy and stifling, broken only by Yaone's racing heart and Kougaiji's wordless, incredulous exclamation.

Homura looks over to him with a smug smirk. "Do you want me to repeat it for you?" He turns to Kougaiji and enunciates slowly and clearly. "Yaone, my dearest and most treasured Yaone, I do not think I could live another day without you…"

As Homura repeats his monologue, the soft click of the lock sliding back goes unnoticed. Slowly, shyly, Dokugakuji enters his apartment, arms laden with a bottle of expensive wine and a gorgeous long-stemmed rose. The door slams loudly behind him just as the words "…marry me" escape Homura's lips.

"Um…am I interrupting?" Doku asks, trying to maintain his composure. Homura, still kneeling in front of Kougaiji, does not take his eyes from the redheaded prince. His gaze is returned in full.

"No," Kougaiji responds in a growl.

In a similar tone, Homura contradicts him. "Yes, you are."

Dokugakuji shrugs and begins to cross the room to Yaone. Homura sees this and, anticipating, scrambles to his feet. Doku pays him no attention, passing the rose into Yaone's surprised and waiting hands.

He smiles gently down at Yaone and says, "This rose cannot compare with your beauty, Yaone. This wine cannot compare with your sweetness. And yet I make the offering in the hopes that you might care to spend the evening with me."

Yaone's eyes widen, her blush returning full-force. "D-dokugakuji!" she cries, too polite to back away but too stunned to do anything else.

Homura growls, advancing toward Doku. "What do you think you're doing?" He steps between Doku and Yaone, forcibly shoving the taller youkai back a few feet. "I cannot allow you to go anywhere with that oaf!"

Yaone's eyebrows raise in surprise and indignation when Doku cuts in, grabbing Homura's shoulder. "Hey, you might be our resident war god, but if you think you can boss around my lady friend here…"

Homura throws Doku's hand away from him with an expression of disgust. "Your lady friend?" He pushes Doku back a few more feet, advancing in anger and aggression. "You seem to misunderstand, oaf. Yaone is my fiance."

Said woman mutters weakly, "I am?"

Doku jumps on this. "Is she? I thought you were proposing to Kou just a few minutes ago."

Homura's face falls as Doku smirks. Kougaiji glares at the both of them. "He was not."

And with this momentary interruption comes another knock at the door. Homura and Dokugakuji are content to resume bickering and Yaone is pressed against the kitchen counter watching the fray. Kougaiji massages the bridge of his nose and goes to answer the door, muttering, "This had better be someone sane…"

Hakkai's bright and friendly smile greets him. Kougaiji nearly sighs in relief when he sees a book in Hakkai's hands, but his expression quickly turns to one of horror when, beneath that book, he sees gift-wrap and a bow.

"Hello, Kougaiji-san," Hakkai greets. "May I please speak with Yaone-san?"

Kougaiji hesitates, but the smile on Hakkai is too much. He sighs in resignation and opens the door all the way. "Come on in and pull a number."

When Hakkai eyes the array, he purposefully misinterprets the situation. "Oh, so you are having a party to celebrate Saint Valentine's, are you?"

Doku snorts. "No, no. I just wanted to pick Yaone up for a dinner date."

Homura, clutching Doku by the collar of his white coat, tightens his grip. "You would not dare go out with my betrothed!"

Thoroughly exasperated, Kougaiji shouts, "Who says that I am giving her the evening off?"

This exclamation throws Kougaiji into the shouting match between Doku and Homura, and the three of them are so wrapped up in each other that Hakkai decides to sidle over to Yaone.

"Hello, Yaone-san. Is everything okay?" he asks, eyeing the other three warily.

Yaone gives him a weary smile. "Don't mind them, Hakkai-san. Are those for me or for Lirin?" she asks, looking pointedly to the parcels in Hakkai's hands.

Hakkai smiles a bit. "Well, the book is for you. I know you have been wanting to borrow it for some time, and I finally got it back from Tenpou. Please don't mind the coffee stains, Yaone-san. But the gift…now, that is for a very special someone."

Yaone smiles, accepts the book, and gently kisses Hakkai's cheek. "Believe me, Hakkai-san, I am very grateful to hear that you have your own special someone. Who is the lucky girl?"

Hakkai smiles, nearly grins impishly, affection suffusing his features. Having just been kissed by a ridiculously lovely lady doesn't hurt. "Well, Konzen owes me a favor for helping him out during The Crisis-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named." He and Yaone both pause to shudder. "I asked him if he might give this to Kanzeon."

Yaone tries not to look horrified; the last thing that she wants is to offend Hakkai. "…Kanzeon Bosatsu?"

Hakkai realizes her assumption and laughs. "It's not like that at all!" He bends over to whisper into Yaone's ear, ignoring the pointed glare he gets from Homura for doing so. "Kanzeon has the power to breach floors and hell if I'm giving this to Nii."

"Aah," Yaone says, and giggles. "So those are for Kanan-san?"

The smile Hakkai gives in response is enough of an answer. Yaone laughs again with gentle affection. "I'm glad you found a way to contact her outside of fiction. At least you know that she is doing well."

Hakkai's smile grows a bit wider, his eyes tired. Yaone is nearly overcome by the sudden urge to embrace him. "I love…that she is alive," he says. "She can touch others around her. That is enough for me."

Yaone smiles back. "I'm sure her floor is a better place for her presence."

Hakkai grins. "That reminds me. Have you heard about Hazel Gloss?"

"Who hasn't?" Yaone asks, a wry smile on her face. "Is there something else I should know?"

"He's causing riots." At Yaone's laughter, Hakkai explains further. "It seems that our faceless administrators managed to lose the advanced warning mail that signified him as a new, permanent, important canon character. Hazel-san had to move in with Komyou Sanzo-sama for the time being because Gato's new place doesn't have another bed for him."

Yaone puts her hand over her mouth. "Oh…oh, dear."

Hakkai nods in agreement. He pauses while a particularly spectacular expletive flies from Doku's mouth and is responded to in kind by Homura. He winces, noting Yaone's presence, but the woman seems unfazed.

"Does Sanzo know about the rooming arrangement?" she asks.

Hakkai shifts uncomfortably. "Well…I got the information from Tenpou, who learned it from Konzen. And you know how Sanzo and Konzen are, especially after Konzen decided Sanzo should stop smoking with his reincarnated body…"

Yaone hisses. "I thought they were on speaking terms again."

"Oh, oh, no." Hakkai rubs the back of his head. "Because Konzen cut off Sanzo's cigarette supply, Sanzo declared that all of his lighter fluid had to go somewhere and…well…Konzen's magazines are completely destroyed, along with a good amount of completed paperwork."

Although she feels guilty about it, Yaone has to laugh. "That bad?"

Hakkai heaves a bit of a sigh. "Worse." He clears his throat and manages to look straight into her eyes. "By the by, I never managed to say this before but…you are looking extraordinarily lovely today."

Yaone blushes again, unused to receiving respectful compliments. "Why, thank you, Hakkai-san."

Hakkai feels he is almost about to receive another kiss when a knock on the door draws her attention away. The three fighting in the middle of the room continue unfazed. Hakkai watches, trying not to betray his amusement, while Yaone goes to answer the door.

"Oh! Why, hello, Tenpou-san. What a pleasant surprise."

Tenpou grins, presenting a bouquet of assorted flowers to Yaone. "I bring beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady." At that moment, Homura cries out in recognition of some of his prized perennials but the exclamation is cut short when Dokugakuji waves an angry finger in his face. Tenpou peeks into the room, escorted inside by a rather dazed Yaone. "Hello, there, Hakkai. What's going on here? Rehearsing for 'Love and War'?"

Hakkai grins, easily falling into literary reference. "More like 'One Flew Over'."

Tenpou laughs openly. "Oh, boy. You know, Kenren's on his way."

"Kenren-san?" Yaone asks. "But I saw him leave this morning through the doors!"

Tenpou shakes his head, his grin quirking at the ends. "The author changed her mind. The fiction now stars Goujun, barring any blows to Kenren's inestimable ego. He's been spending his time doing favors to get special deliveries out of the original characters swarming around here today. Kenren's got a silver tongue when he puts his mind to it, and after a few minutes, well, anybody will relent." Tenpou chuckles a bit, a knowing sheen in his eyes.

The subtlety is not lost on Hakkai. He clears his throat. "Kenren's…favors aside, I haven't seen many deliveries today."

Tenpou shrugs. "You haven't been checking the right closets. There are original characters everywhere if you know when to look. Most of them, I'm told, are carting gifts for Sanzo."

Hakkai laughs nervously, but Yaone is insistent. "Tenpou-san, please don't change the subject. Kenren did what?"

"Oh, Yaone," Tenpou responds, "I'm sure he means to share it with you."

Hakkai raises an eyebrow. "I doubt that's comforting. But really…Kenren sharing? Well, I shouldn't compare Kenren to Gojyo as they are two different people, but… 'sharing' is a word subject to interpretation."

Tenpou grins. "They're not so different sometimes, I assure you." He turns to Yaone. "Perhaps you might like to come over to our apartment?"

Yaone blushes, while behind her Hakkai desperately tries not to nosebleed at the insinuation. Hakkai quickly adds, "Or, perhaps, to mine?"

"Oh, Hakkai-san…" Yaone smiles a bit. "I'm sorry, but I really must decline. You…do remember what happened last year, yes?" At Hakkai's blank expression, she continues, "Goku-san, Gojyo-san, the edible underwear, and…"

Hakkai cuts her off. "Oh, oh, yes!" He is visibly pale and the look on his face admonishes Tenpou not to inquire. "Please…don't continue. I had tried to forget that."

Tenpou smiles a bit, silently debating on whether or not to tell Kenren that his gift is not as unique to Yaone as the general had hoped it might be. "So, Yaone, if you would not spend time with us, who will be your companion for tonight?"

Yaone nearly opens her mouth to answer, but is cut off by Doku rather loudly asking Kougaiji if the two of them should gang up on Homura for "stealing our Yaone". Homura counters with another line about Yaone being his fiancé, and Doku declares that she is his lady friend and again asks for Kougaiji's help in winning Yaone over from Homura.

And this, it seems, is the last straw. Kougaiji balls his hands into fists and shouts, "That's enough! Yaone is my apothecary, and if anybody is going out on a dinner date with her, it's going to be me!" He shoves past a stunned Doku and Homura, coming to stand before Yaone. "Did you hear me?"

Yaone tries not to grin. "Yes, Kougaiji-sama. Do I have time to get my coat?"

Kougaiji will not let his fervor be dampened by the comment, and grabs her hand. "No." He pulls her with him out the door.

Yaone, laughing, cries, "Of course, Kougaiji-sama!" And before the door closes behind her, she mouths "Thank you" to Doku and Homura.

While Hakkai and Tenpou share terribly confused looks, Doku and Homura slap one another high-fives. "That worked better than I'd hoped," Homura comments with a grin. He looks over to Tenpou. "That doesn't forgive you the transgression of trespassing on my flowerbeds."

Dokugakuji grins and nudges Homura. "It was worth it, wasn't it? Come on, it's V-day. But-man, Kou's dense."

Homura chuckles. "I must admit it did take is a rather long time to hammer the point home."

"I still don't think he's got it." Doku then turns to Hakkai and Tenpou. "So, you guys want a drink?"

The door slams open. Kougaiji, still firmly gripping Yaone's hand, bellows, "OUT, now!"

The four men stand in shock, and while Doku and Homura fumble for angry and dejected expressions, Yaone explains, "We'd much rather stay in. Alone. Good evening, everyone."

And Kougaiji pulls Yaone into the kitchen, holding her hand tightly until the intruders have left. After the door slams, his fervor abates somewhat. Yaone smiles at him, and Kougaiji has a sudden urge to lock the door.


Doku collapses against the door, laughing against his fist. "Hell if that wasn't close!"

Homura chuckles. "I'll admit he did catch us off guard. Kougaiji wins points for energy, though."

Doku again turns to Tenpou and Hakkai. "So, I'm kicked out for the day. What d'you want to do?"

"Um…I think I might just have somewhere to be," Hakkai murmurs, brandishing the gift he has yet to deliver. Tenpou latches onto the concept and nods vigorously.

"Why, you'll be wanting to find Konzen, won't you? Here, I think I know where he is…" Tenpou takes Hakkai's arm and they get the hell out of there as fast as they possibly can. Before the door slams shut on Tenpou's apartment, Doku and Homura start to laugh.


Konzen is, as expected, seated behind his desk. The massage chair whirs gently, humming low against Konzen's back. When he sees Hakkai and Tenpou, he does not rise, but motions Hakkai inside. Tenpou smiles a bit and saunters away, leaving their business to each other.

He nearly stumbles over Kenren, with hair extra-spikey and usual garb shed for a red silk shirt and black jeans. Most notably, Kenren's shirt is tucked in and buttoned almost to the collar. In his hand is a wrapped box.

Tenpou murmurs, "If that's for Yaone, you're about ten minutes and various unrequited years too late. Nice job with the outfit, though. It suits you."

Kenren scowls. "Too late? Now what am I going to do today?"

"What you've been doing all morning?" Tenpou suggests with a grin. Kenren frowns at him, but Tenpou has moved on to other things. The sheer amount of stuff on the couch is staggering. "Then again," Tenpou amends, "we might run out of room if you do."

Kenren smirks. "Okay, so I went overboard. What can I say? They just kept coming to bring me things."

Tenpou laughs at that. "I'm sure. But really, Kenren, did you have to accept everything?"

"Didn't want to seem ungrateful." Kenren untucks his shirt, pitches the present into the pile with the other things, and shoves his hands into his pockets. "I agree the pinwheels are a bit much, though."

At that moment, Hakkai emerges from Konzen's room with a smile and empty hands. When his eyes light upon Kenren, his smile quirks. "You're looking festive."

The pile on the couch explodes and Goku-chan rockets toward Hakkai, bedecked in what appear to be red and white Mardi Gras beads. There is a construction-paper heart taped to his forehead. "Hakkai-chan!" Goku-chan cries, enveloping the visitor in a hug so hard Hakkai rocks backwards a bit. "Hi! What are you doing here? Is Sanzo coming? And Goku-niichan?"

Hakkai laughs a bit. "Well, Goku-chan, I don't know if having Sanzo over would be the best idea right now…"

Kenren grins. "Aw, come on. We'll make Konzen play nice if you can say the same for Sanzo."

With a helpless smile, Hakkai replies, "Sanzo is in no way under my control; you ought to know that well enough by now. Ah, Goku-chan, do you think you could let me go? My hands are falling asleep."

Reluctantly, Goku-chan releases Hakkai, pouting at the suggestion that Sanzo and Goku might not come over. Hakkai, taken in by the show, decides to relent. "All right, Goku-chan, let me go see if he is willing to come, okay?"

And while Goku rejoices, Kenren grins and slips away.


"Kenren?" calls Tenpou, opening the door and knocking simultaneously. "I think you might want to know that Gojyo got into your present for Yaone and he and Goku seem to be having flashbacks…"

Kenren's head pops up from under his bed and he shoots a quizzical look at Tenpou. "Flashbacks? Oh, wait, you mean…oh, God, I forgot I promised Goku I'd never let him live that down." He grins with all of his teeth and brandishes a bottle. "Found what I was looking for!"

"What is it?" Tenpou asks, fully wary of giving liquor to company in a den fully stocked with edible underwear among other items.

Kenren's grin does not slacken in the slightest. "Well, it ain't freezer-chilled, but I've got Vodka here and we're gonna make some inventive Red C's."

Tenpou's jaw drops as he catches sight of the label. Kenren normally receives sake; imports are rare and precious. "You kept Charodei under your bed? Your bed?"

Kenren gets up, brushing off his knees. He rubs the bottle on his shirt, examining the label. "Cool, dry, dark place. Where else would it go?" He winks. "Like I'd keep it in the cellars with the other stuff. This is my only bottle." Kenren strolls over to Tenpou and says, "Come on, you can help me make 'em."

Tenpou sighs with a mixture of exasperation and affection, following Kenren out into the chaos in the den.

Sanzo is alternately beating Gojyo and Goku over their heads with his harisen, Hakkai is amusing Goku-chan by spinning the pinwheels without blowing on them, Dokugakuji is idly toying with the end of a black feather boa, and Konzen's door has been shut and locked.

Tenpou shakes his head while Kenren brushes past them all to settle himself in the kitchen. After a quick bout of counting, he pulls out six glasses and a tray of red ice cubes from the freezer. Into the glasses go a hefty helping of Vodka and two ice cubes that already begin to stain the water.

"Booze up!" Kenren cries, and attention shifts to him. "Red C for those that want them, chibis notwithstanding."

"Thank you," Hakkai says, taking a glass and swirling it. "What is in the ice?"

"Two parts cranberry juice concentrate, one part water," Kenren responds. "It'll be strong on you 'til you get used to it."

"Ooh, cool!" cries Goku, staring into the glass in Sanzo's hand. "Aw, Sanzo, can't I have some?"

Sanzo gives him a bit of a shove. "No booze for monkeys. They can't handle it." He takes a swig of the darkened liquor and it burns going down. Sanzo raises an eyebrow. Usually, or at least in the land of fiction as it has skewed his perceptions, he can handle straight whiskey without batting an eyelash. He takes another sip, swirls the ice cubes in the glass, and drinks again. He decides to wait a while, to let the cranberry juice melt in and see if perhaps it changes the flavor of the drink.

Meanwhile, the others are enjoying the drinks without any sign of ill effect. "So, Dokugakuji," says Hakkai, "Where has Homura gone?"

Doku shrugs. "He, Shien, and Zenon got pulled into another fiction. Zenon came out of their place ranting about Homura falling in love with Rinrei's reincarnation or descendant or second cousin or something like that. All Valentiney-like."

Hakkai winces. "Sounds like a lot of fun."

Gojyo rubs his backside for effect. "We've all just been having wonderful days, haven't we?"

The wry comment lands on Goku-chan's unassuming ears and becomes lovely. "Hey, yeah! I have! I got to cut valentines out for Konzen and for Ten-chan and for Ken-niichan and for Nataku and they all looked really good! And then I came back and Ken-niichan had all this stuff to play with. I like Valentine's Day!"

Sanzo hides a smile behind another sip of his drink. An ice cube hits his lip and sends a shock through his skin. He glances suspiciously over to Kenren, who is conversing as easily as ever. Sanzo tentatively presses the tip of his tongue to the ice cube and his entire mouth blazes. He sets the drink down so fast it nearly breaks the glass.

Kenren, still behind the bar in the kitchen, watches this and grins to himself. Tenpou, still by his side, takes immediate notice. "What did you do?" he hisses through the side of his mouth.

"Reach into my front left pocket," Kenren responds.

"What, here?" Tenpou asks, acting affronted. Kenren snorts and takes a drink from the glass in his hand. Tenpou belatedly notices that Kenren has chosen to take his Vodka straight. Tenpou's fingers close around a small, glass tube and pull it out, keeping it below the level of the counter and thus hidden from view. A crimson droplet still rests in the very bottom.

"Oh, Kenren," Tenpou laments, "What did you do?"

Kenren's eyes are riveted on Sanzo. The monk is focused solely on his drink by this time, though still subtle in his movements in bringing the ice to his mouth. "It was a game of chance, really," he murmurs so that Tenpou must lean closer. Over the din of Goku and Gojyo swordfighting with pinwheels, his voice is nearly lost. "I just made one special cube and dropped it in the drinks. Sanzo chose that one on his own."

"What's it going to do to him?" Tenpou asks, unable to pry his eyes from Sanzo now. The monk has taken the ice cube into his mouth, pretending to focus on the idiots in the center of the room. "Kenren, do you know?"

Kenren grins. "Funny thing. I don't. But the girl I got it from said it was from Kanzeon to whoever decided to pick it up. At least we know he won't die. And it was bound to happen sooner or later, if se was behind it."

Tenpou sighs. "You can't blame it on ineffability," he hisses, shoving the vial back into Kenren's pocket. He pushes a bit too hard and Kenren's hip jolts downward to follow his pants. The motion draws attention.

"Everything all right back there?" Dokugakuji calls, grinning a bit.

"I'm sure their business is their business," Hakkai chides, absently swiping the battered pinwheel from Gojyo's hand and rendering him weaponless. Goku stabs for the gut and Gojyo falls.

Hakkai passes the pinwheel to Goku-chan while Gojyo dies an elaborate and lengthy death. Goku nudges Gojyo with his foot, and when the half-breed does not respond sits heavily and abruptly on his gut.

Gojyo kicks out, losing all breath and catching the feather boa on his boot. When he drops his leg, the boa comes with, loosing an avalanche of stolen Valentines' gifts from the couch onto the floor. A plushie with a pull-tag immediately catches the eye of Dokugakuji, who leans down to pick it up.

Doku pulls the tab and the little recording plays.

"Urasei!"

In the ensuing stunned silence, Doku pulls the tab again.

"Bakasaru!"

Gojyo bites down hard on his tongue, but does not manage to keep the laughter in. Goku is openly grinning, and Hakkai is covering his chuckles with his hand. Kenren is bent double, and Tenpou with him, shaking with laughter. Doku is grinning bemusedly at the toy, and Goku-chan is busy spinning the pinwheel, not quite sure what is so funny but glad that everyone is having a good time.

Everything stops when Sanzo cries out, "It's so cute!" and takes the plushie from Doku's hands. He pulls the tab, raises his eyebrows when an expletive sounds from within the doll, and rubs his nose against the sticker chakra on its forehead. "I've never seen anything so adorable," he comments, pulling the tab again.

By this time, Gojyo and Goku have scrambled behind the couch, keeping as far away from Sanzo as they can. Gojyo mutters to Goku, "D'you think it's contagious?"

Hakkai surreptitiously stands in between Sanzo and Goku-chan, and Doku freezes against the couch. Tenpou stares only at Kenren, unable to coherently form even a facial expression to convey his emotions toward the general. He is torn between hysterical laughter and ripping Kenren's head off.

At that very moment, Konzen's door opens. The blonde kami makes a show of ignoring the company, padding into the kitchen for a glass of water.

Sanzo turns to him. "Hey, Konzen-san?" When he is ignored, Sanzo remains undaunted. "Konzen-san, I just wanted to say…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have set your magazines on fire, especially because I know Goku likes reading them too. But, well, when you refused to allow me some more cigarettes, I felt hurt and frustrated. I hope we can be friends again. Maybe I can find a way to replace your magazines or help with the paperwork later on."

It takes Konzen a good two minutes to pry his jaw off of the floor. Goku is sputtering a bit at Sanzo's knowledge of his reading material, and Gojyo watches with a bit of a grin. "Magazines, huh? D'you read 'em for the articles?"

Goku nearly wails. "They're about health and fitness! It's all pictures of athletes!"

Gojyo's eyebrows shoot into his hairline. "I knew it! You do like muscles!"

Konzen turns on Gojyo, hearing him full well. "He reads them for the articles, as do I." Then Konzen turns to Sanzo. "Fine. But I'm not giving you any more cigarettes. It's killing your body, which is a real nice way to treat something I passed down to you."

Tenpou decides not to call Konzen on his technicality, instead preferring to jam his heel into Kenren's instep to punctuate his point about Sanzo's behavior and continue watching the monk. Sanzo, still clutching the plushie, responds, "Well, okay, so long as we're not mad at each other."

Konzen shrugs, downs his glass of water, and begins to leave the room. Sanzo reaches out a hand. "Don't go, Konzen! We're all here, so let's have fun. It's so good not to be fighting or angry at anybody."

Konzen, pinned under the force of a megawatt smile from a mouth used only to scowling and the pressure of violet eyes that are literally sparkling, has to stop walking. When Goku-chan tugs on his pant leg, voicing agreement with Sanzo, he relents.

"Alright!" Sanzo cries, punching a fist into the air. "So, you guys, what do you want to do?"

In the ensuing silence, Hakkai is tempted to make cricket noises. He resists, though, and soon Goku-chan fidgets, piping up with an idea. "I've got a coloring book…"

"Cool! Show me the way," Sanzo says, hopping up to follow Goku-chan out of the room. As soon as Goku-chan's door closes behind them, Tenpou clears his throat.

"Kenren has something he wants to say."

Dumbly, the room's occupants turn to Kenren. When the General tries to stall, Tenpou reaches into his pants. "This," he says, producing the glass vial, "contained something which, when frozen into an ice cube and deposited into Sanzo's Vodka, thanks to Kenren here, produced the result you have all witnessed. If what Kenren tells me is true, it is a present from Kanzeon Bosatsu, it should wear off, and it probably won't kill him. We just have to wait it out."

Gojyo is the first to respond. "Holy fuck."

"Motion seconded," adds Doku, raising his hand. "What do we do?"

"Try to keep him from hurting anything, I suppose," Hakkai murmurs, and glances firmly down to Gojyo. "He has to be taken care of for now. No messing about."

"Why not?" asks Gojyo. Kenren snorts. Just as Tenpou is about to not-quite-so-patiently explain why Sanzo's condition is not the best for practical jokes, there comes a jovial knock at the door.

Without thinking, Goku answers. Homura, Zenon, Shien, and Lirin greet him with their own particular brands of neighborly affection. "May we come in?" asks Homura. "Lirin seems to have been…locked out of her apartment, and none of us feel right leaving her alone."

At that moment, Goku-chan bounds from his room, coated to the elbow in marker and sporting a long braid. "Konzen, Konzen, look! Sanzo braids hair real nice! He should do yours!"

Before anybody else can respond, Homura elbows Shien. "Get. Your. Camera."


Sanzo feels as if he has been passed repeatedly under a steamroller. He grinds the heels of his hands into his eyes and finds that there is a plush miniature of him tucked into the crook of his arm. The doll is wholly unfamiliar, but he attributes it to the sheer amount of valentines he had received the day before. In fact, the bed is littered with them.

Sanzo sits up, blinking groggily as he regains balance, and looks around. These are not valentines. They are Polaroids. At least thirty Polaroid photos of Sanzo doing things Sanzo does not remember doing. Braiding Konzen's hair. Drawing with markers on Gojyo's back. Allowing Gojyo to reciprocate. Wearing Hakkai's apron. Playing hopscotch. Shooting spitwads. Laughing openly, genuinely, so that his eyes close and his skin wrinkles around the force of it. At a sock stuck by static to the back of Gojyo's head.

He remembers none of it, flipping through the pictures in horror, until he comes to a photo of two unfamiliar, manicured hands holding a sign. Above it, an androgynous set of eyes gives him a wink. The sign reads "The Chronicles of Genjo Sanzo, test subject for Love Potion #3, a concoction not so potent as its successors, but an interesting prototype nonetheless."


Phew! How was that, folks?

Mezi: is glomped glad you liked it!

Nightengale13: Well, I think Hakkai takes domesticity in stride - cooking for someone is how he unwinds. To take that pleasure from him (in both cooking and being appreciated as a skilled culinary artist, as I'm sure Tenpou repeatedly lets him know) is just unfair. Oh, and I think your review was cut off unless you speak in half-sentences XP

LadyQueenscove: Aw, it's okay - like I'm going to complain about multiple reviews XD Glad you like it, and points to you!

Snowyheart: Thank you, thank you XD

Hakkai'sHerFavorite: Nope, this was Yaone's one stint in the land of bad fanfiction. She'll never do it again, despite Lirin's begging XD Glad you liked the chapter.

Wynjara: Yes, my dear. Just that chapter, though :)

Schizo: You're welcome, although I'm a bit wary of giving you free sugar again o.O;

Asian-Orange: Points! Copernicus is a historical figure. I suggest you look him up. My friend uses the name as a battle cry, just for the hell of it. Meep Meep!

OptiMoose: Points! Knowledgeable points at that. -.-; hopefully Breakroom kinda returns to its earlier glory. And if it's not please let me know - I've not really got a gauge on these sorts of things. By the by, this chapter is five-ninths you, mathematically. I owe you big 3 3

Jadesword: Yes, it was. Pyrotechnic points XD and...well...okay so I missed the Chinese New Year, but hopefully this kinda makes up for it.

Mae Aloril: I know that fic! I think it's actually in my favorites - the discussion about whether or not to buy a new mattress is too priceless. I'm glad you still like Breakroom - it's grown rampantly even by my own expectations.

Blood-Debt: Not at all. Intimate. tr.v. To make known subtly and indirectly; hint. See synonyms at "suggest". Instead of a stress on the first syllable only, add a minor stress on the 'a' and you have In-ti-MAY-te. Which is the word I meant. You learn something new every day ;)

Sohmachi: Thanks a bunch!

Joonie: Canon the original story as the creator intended it. Saiyuki before the fandom. Points to you! I'm sure if somebody racks up a thousand I'll let them redeem the points for -something, but that requires quite a few more chapters of Breakroom. Until then, it just shows me who reads the authors' notes XD

Runefallstar: That's certainly something to think on, isn't it? Sometimes in writing Breakroom I stumble upon a topic that could quite easily become a long, serious, philosophical rambling on their situation. Sometimes it's tough to keep the humor up in the face of stuff like that - I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks too hard about it.

WildeLamassu: Points - and no, I didn't. Which means you get an extra point XD And, dear, I would love to see you do more Tenpou-and-Hakkai stuff. XD

Angelic-Kitten: Points. That's really all I can say.

Onezumi: Points! With nondescript, gratuitous violence! Good for you XD Nice to meet you! I'm glad you like the story - more raving fangirl moments are needed around here XD

Caffinebunny: Points! Pratchett reference points! How about Rincewind's motto? "We who are about to die don't want to". That one's my favorite XD