Disclaimer: "Babe? Complete and utter BS. Pigs are evil. EEEEVIL."
(An: Cue randominity in three... two... one... Props to Morlock (Sperrydee on FFN) who gave me Remy's and Logan's gifts. And the disclaimer quote.)
Ain't No Party Like a Morlock Party (Birthday Hugs)
Forge and Ororo were still talking around noon, when Kurt's party really started. Or, in other words, when Kurt's sugar rush kicked in.
"WHOOO!" Kurt yelled, audible (or so Forge figured) throughout the entire building.
"Evan must be here," said Ororo, looking a tad more cheerful. "Come on." Forge (who hadn't had any intention of relinquishing his seat on the sofa lest someone else take it) suddenly found himself being dragged off by the hand.
"Neh?" Forge asked. Before Ororo grabbed him, he had been certain that nobody could travel at the speed of light. Now he wasn't so sure.
"Evan's my nephew. He lives in the sewers."
Forge stared at her.
"With the Morlocks, long story." Ororo pulled him to the front door, a large skid mark indicating that the mentioned nephew had received a supersonic Kurt tackle. Forge winced in sympathy.
Looking behind herself at the tussling ball of blue fur and bone spikes was a young woman with black hair and an eyepatch.
Evan finally managed to disentangle himself from Kurt. "I missed you too, blue boy, but I like being able to breathe."
Kurt smirked. "Ah, who needs lungs?"
The black boy stood, brushing the dirt from his jeans. He helped Kurt up and beamed at Ororo. "Hey, Auntie O. Been a while."
Ororo rolled her eyes in a way that couldn't quite manage to be cross, replying, "It's good to see you too, Evan." She nodded at the woman. Forge was pretty sure he felt the temperature drop a few degrees.
"Forge!" Kurt cried, even though the inventor had already greeted him. He held out his arms, grinning hopefully.
Forge quickly backed up, holding his hands in front of him. "Hey, hey, man, I like having one real arm."
"But I'm collecting birthday hugs!"
Forge sighed and put his arms down.
"YAY!"
"…Forge? You ok?" Ororo asked
"Mildly dazed but alive. Kurt, why don't you get a hug from 'Ro?"
"She baked the cake, so she already gave me a hug, only one that's sticky and chocolate!" Kurt cried.
Wondering exactly how much sugar Kurt had had in the first place, Forge replied, "Ok then… could you get off me, please?"
"Nah. You're pretty comfortable."
"Why not go hug scary girl over there?"
"Scary girl" raised an eyebrow (the one above the eyepatch, which just reinforced Forge's nickname).
Kurt glanced at her and shuddered. "Are you kidding? Callisto would eat me!" he "whispered". It was about as much of a whisper as Forge's prosthetic arm was soft and cuddly.
"I can hear you, you know," said Callisto, crossing her arms.
Kurt sat up, scooting off Forge. He then stretched himself out flat again and proceeded to inch inside the house, looking very much like a giant blue catterpillar.
Forge shook his head, getting up and dusting off his pants.
"Remind me why you're friends again?" Ororo asked, as Evan dragged Callisto inside and Kurt claimed another birthday hug, this time from a very surprised Piotr.
"He's the only person who talks to me… my parents are convinced I'm a ghost, so if I interact with them they throw dreamcatchers and holy water and stuff like that at me. You know, just in case." Ororo stared at him. "…Yeah, that sounded weird."
"Pretty much. Come on, I have to keep an eye on Kurt. On his last birthday, he almost decapitated Scott with a hug."
"I'm not surprised… which one is Scott?"
"Shades."
"Ah, yes, Stick-up-ass Boy."
"I shouldn't find that funny… and yet I do."
"Yes, well, you're Stoic Woman, so don't get too cocky."
Ororo shook her head. "Don't make me fry you. Your arm'd probably be a pretty good conductor."
"Not funny. I've been shocked too many times by experiments gone awry."
"Does anything you make work?"
"Yes! Most of it, actually. Just… not the stuff that's worth mentioning."
"Ah. Of course."
They walked into the common room, where Kurt was hugging a box of Twinkies. "In retrospect, perhaps not a wise gift," Hank commented from his spot on the back of the couch, "but at least if you share them with Mr. Drake, it may prevent him from trying to steal mine." He glanced at Bobby. "They're sacred, Drake." (1)
Bobby just beamed at him.
Logan was next, handing Kurt a box. Kurt pressed his face to it, inhaling deeply. "Is it-!" He ripped off the paper. "It is! Chicken on a stick!" He bamfed, and Logan found himself with a hyperactive blue fuzzball clinging to his head. "Chicken on a stick, chicken on a stick, it's tasty and it's thick 'cause it's chicken on a stick!" (2)
"Elf!"
"Sorry!" Kurt bamfed back to his own seat on the couch.
And so down the line it went. Kurt's presents ranged from the extravagant (the senior X-men and the professor had all chipped in to buy him an autographed copy of Abby Road; Kurt had relinquished all hatred of eBay) to the personal (Piotr had painted a picture of Amanda for him) to the requiring-disinfectant (Evan had brought a disco ball that was rather dirty but still in working order, supposedly discovered in the alley behind a club; even Kurt decided not to ask too much about it).
And then everyone turned and looked expectantly at Remy, who had yet to give Kurt anything. "It hasn't arrived yet. Amanda said she'd pick it up for me."
"A present and my girlfriend!" Kurt started to get up, but Remy quickly took a few steps back.
"Can I skip the hugging for now?"
"But I'm wearing pants this time!"
Rogue looked at Remy, lips twitching. Remy sighed, facepalming. Then the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," he cried, looking very relieved. Remy beat feet out of the room and to the front door. Amanda, as expected, was waiting there, a long, thin box tucked under her arm, but so were a small group of teenagers.
"More Morlocks?" Remy asked, looking around Amanda.
"Yeah, what of it?" said a punky-looking chick.
Remy rolled his eyes. Amanda shoved a package into his hands. "This is yours," she said. "What's in it, anyway?"
Remy smirked. "It'd ruin the surprise. Thanks for getting it for me, though."
Amanda smiled. "Ah, it was no problem. The mall's on the way here, and it was a good excuse for heading up this way."
They walked inside. Amanda was immediately tackled by Kurt, and Evan got a sharp thwap to the ear when Callisto spotted the Morlocks.
"Don't look at me!" Evan cried, rubbing his head. "I told them to stay home!"
The punk chick smirked, sitting down by Callisto. "You left Caliban in charge. That would make anyone surface-sick."
"She's got a point," Evan said, "…but please don't hit me again." Evan edged over by his aunt.
"Hey, I don't mind," said Kurt. "Can I have hugs?"
"Uh, you might wanna pass on that one, Kurt," said Evan. "Scaleface'll eat you."
"Him? It's his birthday," said the Morlock, flipping the hair out of her eyes. "Besides, fur gives me indigestion." (3)
Kurt shrugged, pulling Amanda beside him on the couch. He looked at Remy. "So…?"
"I'm only gonna show you this, ok? I don't trust you with pointy objects in your current state of mind." He set the box on the coffee table and, with a certain amount of overacted ceremony, opened it. Inside, the light reflected off freshly polished metal. It was a rapier with a small sapphire set in the hilt. Kurt's name was inscribed above it. (4)
Kurt stared at the thin sword for a moment, then looked at Remy, who sighed and stepped into range. There was a loud thud as he hit the ground. "Best present EVER!" were the only discernable words in Kurt's babbling.
"You haven't gotten mine yet," Amanda pointed out. "And I think Remy'd like to be conscious for the rest of your party, sweetie."
"Oh, right," said Kurt, letting go of the wheezing Cajun. "Sorry." Kurt patted him on the head and hopped back onto the couch.
Remy got up, rubbing his chest. "I'll put this in your room, all right?" Kurt nodded, already distracted by the prospect of Amanda's gift. He left, Rogue falling into step beside him.
"Are you sure that was wise?" she asked, looking amused. "Kurt's gonna be poking people with and crying 'first blood!' for weeks." (5)
"Well, true… but I wanted to get him something good."
"Musta been pricey, though."
"Not for me." When Rogue looked at him, Remy shook his head. "Joking, chere, just joking. I wouldn't steal a present… unless it was for Scooter, maybe. You know, add an extra level of sadism."
"Ok, so what was up with the pants thing, then?"
"Oh, Dieu, you mean you didn't forget that?"
"How could I?"
"Ah, he assaulted me in the bathroom this morning… I told him not to hug me without pants."
Rogue crossed her arms. "So did you guys have a steamy shower scene or something?"
"What, are you upset you weren't invited?"
"Ok, that's just gross. He's my brother. I was asking in case you were in love with him and wanted to talk about it. He's not dumping Amanda anytime soon."
Remy stopped and stared at her. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Mon Dieu, I'm talking to a crazy woman. I am straight. And even if I weren't, I wouldn't be gay for Kurt… his love hurts." He shook his head and placed the box by Kurt's door.
"Well, I figured I'd ask, just in case… you know, friends are supposed to talk about that stuff."
"And then… what? We'd bond over ice cream and compare moisturizers?"
"Ew… that would more be Kitty's thing… I guess I just haven't had enough practice at this 'friend' bit. With Kitty and the rest of the gals, it's more a matter of tolerating them than anything."
"Oui, I know what you mean."
"I ain't opposed to the ice cream part of what you said, though."
Remy grinned. "Oh, goody. We'll be doing the whole mansion a favor."
"We will?" Rogue asked.
"Yeah. We'll be keeping some of the sugar away from Kurt, and we'll be keeping all of the sexiness in the mansion in one place." He grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.
Rogue sighed. "How is that you can be narcissistic and hit on me all in one sentence?"
"It's a talent, chere."
The two of them meandered back downstairs, meeting a much more chaotic scene than they had left. Kurt had finished opening his gifts, and the party had gotten into full swing. Thankfully, all of the breakable objects had been moved out of the room. The Morlocks were mostly keeping to themselves, dancing off to the left of the X-men. Except for Scaleface, but she wasn't really dancing; she was making out with Ray. (6)
"Piotr is actually quite funky," Rogue commented. Somehow, she kept a straight face.
Remy nodded. "We tried to get him to poledance.. for the money, see. But the way he looked in a G-string would have totally ruined mine and John's reputations." Rogue glanced at him. "The fact that I can say that is proof that I am very comfortable with my sexuality, not of any gayness," he insisted, folding his arms.
"Sure, swamp rat, whatever."
Remy rolled his eyes. Then he smirked, holding out a hand. "So, wanna dance?"
Rogue eyed him suspiciously, then replied in a too-light tone, "It ain't dancing out there, it's moshing. I don't wanna take any chances with my face, thank you."
There was a loud yelp as Bobby got clocked in the nose by a hobbity-looking Morlock, who seemed unsure if she wanted to apologize or burst out laughing. Remy, seeing this, said, "You know, you're probably right about that. I like my teeth."
"Let's go lean against the wall and be disaffected."
"Can we be disaffected with ice cream?"
"In fear of sounding like Kitty, duh!"
(Huh, I hadn't intended that chapter to be so much about Remy and Rogue… whatever. Technically, this chapter is on time… I just couldn't post it any earlier because of the storms. Next time: A Little Rusty!)
(1) Reference to a chapter that got cut because it was pointless. Beast is infamous for keeping Twinkies in his lab… well, in adam-bat's fics anyway.
(2) Apparently, Morlock made up this song… or knows it, at least. And apparently, this stuff exists. I've never actually seen it, thank God.
(3) For the perpetually clueless, Scaleface is the chick who turned into a lizard.
(4) Comics!Kurt was quite handy with a sword and had quite a taste for pirate movies. In Ultimate-verse (I think), he and Angel used the Danger Room for a Pirates-esque sequence.
(5) 'First blood' is a term usually used in duels… or something. I don't remember where I heard it, but the image of Kurt running around yelling it amuses me. Anyway, it's used when the first cut is landed.
(6) Morlock-baiting. She likes Scaleface/Ray.
