No reviews to reply to :( Oh well, here's my next chapter!
Bumblestripe and Dovewing
"I can't believe he's dead," Dovewing murmured sadly. "I couldn't save him."
Bumblestripe stood next to her, and watched as Dustpelt and Graystripe carried Firestar's body out of the camp. The former leader looked so small in death, Bumblestripe almost didn't recognize him. "It's not your fault," he replied. The words felt so foolish coming out of his mouth. He wished there was something he could say to change her mind, but she was convinced it was all her fault.
"Oh Bumblestripe, what's the point of having powers if I can't use them to save the cats I care about?" He'd never seen her so distraught before, and it hurt him.
"Dovewing..." He struggled for words. He was exhausted from keeping vigil the entire night after a draining battle with the Dark Forest cats. You have to say something! Dovewing was looking at him expectantly. He sighed heavily. "Firestar died saving his Clan, he wouldn't have wanted it any other way. You may be more powerful than StarClan themselves, but even StarClan in it's entirety couldn't save him."
Dovewing still looked unsure. He felt like a mouse-brain, there was so much he wished he could tell her, he just couldn't find the words to express it! "I'm going to go get some sleep now." Dovewing told him, and slipped away.
He watched her leave and lashed his tail out in frustration. Why did she always do this to him? He'd try to help her out in some way and she'd just brush him aside. He was starting to get tired of it. "I'm just wasting my time," he muttered bitterly.
"Everything alright with you?" Briarlight asked him. She'd approached him when he'd been lost in thought, and he hadn't heard her until then. She looked concerned for him, and it made him feel a little better that some cat cared about him!
"I'm not really sure," he admitted. "Dovewing is just confusing me."
Briarlight nodded, "Well, she is a she-cat. What's confusing you about her?"
Bumblestripe pawed at the ground, embarrassed, he didn't really want to open up to his sister about his personal issues. A part of him longed to just tell her everything, just to get it all out. He was tired of keeping everything caged in, if he didn't tell someone he'd mad! So he gave in, "She keeps pushing me away whenever I try to reach out to her. I can see that she's hurting, and that she needs someone to comfort her, and I try to be the cat but she just won't let me!" He blurted, "I don't get it! What's wrong with me?"
Hearing himself say it out loud it dawned on him that Dovewing was hurting him more than he thought. Why? He was only looking out for her! Briarlight frowned, and thought for a second before replying, "I'm sure she's not trying to upset you. She doubts herself, she's battling herself, there's not much you can do to help her. She needs to work things out for herself."
"I'm only trying to help," Bumblestripe protested. "The least she could do is acknowledge that, a simple 'thanks' would suffice, but she couldn't be bothered to thank me!" The familiar feelings of anger crashed over him again, and he welcomed them. He had every right to be mad! How dare she treat him this way!
Briarlight said nothing, and broke her gaze with him. "I'm sorry..." she murmured.
This is wrong, Briarlight doesn't deserve this. She's only trying to help you. "Thanks," he muttered, feeling awkward about his outburst. He continued, but in a softer tone, "It's just hard for me to understand how she can push me away, when I keep pouring myself out for her. I've given her my everything, and she returns nothing. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter, that I care about her enough to do what's best for her, no matter how she treats me, but I'm just not sure I can do it anymore." He felt awful for admitting it, but it was also relieving.
"Then don't do it anymore," Bumblestripe was surprised by her response. She saw his confusion and shrugged, "If she's really treating you badly then why let her continue to hurt you?"
At first he dismissed the suggestion completely. Stop caring for Dovewing? It was an absurd idea, she needed him! Or did she? "I couldn't do that..." He trailed off.
Briarlight was right he realized, shocked. He shook his head in disbelief. "Honestly, I don't think I can just put her behind me."
"You have to," Briarlight urged. "I know you think you're helping her, but you're really not. She won't let you. All you're doing is wasting your breath, and hurting yourself in the process. I'm only trying to look out for you."
"Thank you, sister," he purred. "I appreciate it, but it's not as simple as it seems. I'll need some time to think about this."
"I'm here if you ever need to talk," she told him.
…
"Dovewing, we need to talk." Dovewing was sitting alone, finishing off a rabbit. She looked up at him, and seemed happy to see him.
"You're right, we do." She appeared to be in a better mood than yesterday. He hadn't seen her in such a good mood for a long time. Perhaps she had been listening to him... He sat down next to her.
"Look-" He began but she cut him off.
"Before you say anything, I'd just like to apologize for the way I've treated you recently." She broke his gaze, clearly embarrassed. "You've always supported me, and been there for me, and I've treated you terribly. I'm so sorry for that, do you think you could forgive me?"
Bumblestripe jaw dropped and he gazed at her with eyes wide. He was too shocked to say anything. She peered back at him, clearly confused by his odd look.
She glanced around, "What's the matter? Was it something I said?" She paused. "Oh, I get it, you're upset with me. That's alright, I get it, you have every right to be mad at me."
"No!" He practically shouted at her. "I'm not mad at all, I don't know why you're even apologizing to me!" The conversation he'd had earlier with Briarlight melted away. I was out of line, he reasoned. See, she apologized for what she did to me!
Bumblestripe was having trouble remembering why he was even mad at Dovewing in the first place. Seeing her, looking at him affectionately with her brilliant blue eyes spiked his pulse. She was an intoxicating sight, and he wanted nothing more than to get lost in those blue eyes.
"You know," she continued, sounding nervous. "I was sort of hoping that we could be more than just friends." She stared into his eyes, looking hopeful.
He opened his eyes to reply, but froze when he met the glance of Briarlight from across the clearing. She was sitting near the entrance of the medicine cat's den, looking over at him. She had a disappointed look on her face, she shook her head at him. Don't do this, she was telling him, you're about to make a huge mistake.
Startled, he tore his gaze away from her and returned his eyes to Dovewing. She was still staring at him, her eyes beckoning. Tell her yes! Say yes! A voice in his head screamed. You've dreamt of this day for so long, she wants you! He'd never desired something so strongly in his life, and yet he knew that it was wrong. You can't do this.
"I'm sorry," the words sounded foreign coming out of his mouth. Everything within him resisted the notion that he was about to turn her down, did he have bees in his brain? He so desperately wished that this was nothing more than a nightmare, and that he'd wake up in any moment.
"But I don't think that's a good idea." Reality seemed to blur, everything seemed surreal, surely this couldn't actually be happening! Bumblestripe had a headache, this was all too overwhelming for him.
"W-What?" Dovewing whispered. He could hear the pain in her voice, and it tore him apart. He'd always dedicated himself to protecting her, trying to comfort her when she was upset, but now he was hurting her.
"Dovewing... I'm sorry, it's just-"
"No!" Dovewing snapped at him. She was standing on her paws now glaring down on him. "I can't believe you would do this to me! You, of all cats! I thought I could trust you!"
Her words pierced him like thorns. "I never tried to hurt you, please Dovewing," he begged.
"No!" She was livid. "I've known that you've liked me for a while now, and when I show some interest back you turn me down?"
"I know," Bumblestripe tried to calm her, but failed miserably.
"You're a jerk!" She spat. "I don't ever want to talk to you again!" She stormed off, leaving Bumblestripe to watch her disappear from his life, probably forever.
He sat there dumbly for a minute, unsure of what to do. He could hear Briarlight dragging herself over to him, but he ignored her, caught up in his own thoughts. What have I done?
"You made the right decision," Briarlight told him.
He turned on her, furious. "Oh really? Hurting her, and destroying our friendship was the right decision?"
Briarlight held her ground. "Yes," she replied calmly. "The 'friendship' you're talking about wasn't a friendship at all. She mistreated you, and you continued to give your everything for her. Then she had the nerve to assume that she could just have you as her mate!"
"I would've been okay with that!" Bumblestripe snapped.
"You'll thank me for this one day," she promised him. "Trust me, that would've been a terrible mistake."
He narrowed his eyes. "I don't think you really believe that, you're just jealous!" The words sounded foolish, but he followed them up anyways, "That's right, I've seen the way you look at Jayfeather, you love him but you know it'll never happen. So to make yourself feel better you spoiled my relationship with Dovewing!"
Briarlight had the same pained expression he'd seen in Dovewing's eyes earlier, and Bumblestripe immediately regretted what he'd said to her. "Well I'm sorry for trying to help you out," she sounded choked up.
Well done. "I'm sorry," he began.
"Whatever."
…
Bumblestripe gazed up at the night sky, it was filled with stars. The thought of his warrior ancestors watching over him was comforting, but it didn't ease his mood at all. He sat alone on the lakeshore, back at the ThunderClan camp most of the other warriors were asleep. He'd closed his eyes and tried to force himself to fall asleep, but after what felt like an eternity he knew that he had to get away to somewhere, anywhere.
Dovewing still hadn't spoken with him and neither had Briarlight. Why do I have to ruin everything? The stars offered him no reply. He felt so tired, and so alone.
Memories of Dovewing kept flooding his head, and no matter how hard he tried to force them out of his head he simply couldn't. He still wasn't sure whether or not he agreed with Briarlight about Dovewing mistreating him, but he did believe that she meant the best for him. He'd thanked her for her advice by striking out at her, he'd reacted much worse than Dovewing had done to him. Though he knew he'd offended Briarlight deeply, he knew she'd eventually come around and forgive him. Dovewing probably wouldn't...
It struck Bumblestripe then that he'd never comfort Dovewing ever again. He'd never stand by her side and tell her that everything would be alright, he'd never hunt with her again, casually chat with her, fight with her at his side. The list went on and on and the more he thought about it the more depressed he began to feel. It also dawned on him that his rejection of her would likely drive her to another tom that she'd fall for. She'd find another mate and then one day have kits with him... The thought of it made Bumblestripe feel sick.
Briarlight's words came back to him: Trust me, that would've been a terrible mistake. Bumblestripe trusted his sister, but he wasn't sure he believed those words. Would taking Dovewing as his mate really have been a mistake? He'd never know. He'd spend the rest of his life never knowing, the question would go unanswered. He'd either avoided a terrible mistake, or made one. Regardless, he knew one thing for certain, his decision was a painful one. Perhaps he had no choice, sometimes pain is inevitable. Sometimes there was no right or wrong decision, and Bumblestripe hated that fact.
I didn't really plan this one out, I kinda just went with it. Let me know what you thought of it!
