Chapter 28

The Doctor was all elbows and knees the next morning, spilling the milk and dropping a plate of toast on the floor. He'd not planned to tell Rose anything about what she referred to as "Time Lord courtship rituals" until much, much later, and he'd stayed awake for a good part of the night laying out exactly what to tell her.

But when she ate her breakfast without a mention of it and then went back to her room to change as if they'd never talked about it… Well, some of the nervous excitement in his stomach deflated. By the time she reappeared in the control room, dressed in jeans and a form fitting long-sleeved top, he'd convinced himself it was only the emotions evoked by her nightmares that had made her curious. Maybe she'd even forgotten, since she'd been half asleep at the time.

He tried very hard to persuade himself the hollow feeling in his stomach wasn't disappointment.

Rose cleared her throat, and he glanced up at her, sitting on the jump seat. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"I'm not falling asleep, Doctor. Tell me more."

His hand slipped off the knob it had been resting on and nearly hit a button that would have punched a hole roughly the size of Belgium in the fabric of reality. "You really want to know?" he asked, not bothering to hide the way his voice squeaked.

Her lips quirked up into a smirk that did nothing to calm his nerves. "Said I did, didn't I?"

"Well yes, but I wasn't sure… and then you didn't… and I wasn't even sure you remembered."

Rose rolled her eyes. "So this is me, telling you: I remember, and I still wanna know. Just like I said." He stared at her over the console, and something in her eyes softened. "Doctor, I love you. Is it really so hard to believe I'd be interested in something important to you?" She patted the seat next to her. "Come sit down and tell me about it."

Helpless to deny her, he sat down and let her curl into him. "Doctor? Your hearts are beating really fast."

He snorted. "This isn't something I talk about every day, Rose."

"I'd hope not."

He rubbed his hands on his trousers, a nervous habit he'd picked up from humans even though his palms didn't sweat. "So, you already know that Time Lord courtship rituals, as you call them, are almost entirely telepathic. Not surprising I suppose for a telepathic race, though the Dalavathi tie their legs together so they can only walk together, and really that's pretty romantic when you think about it."

"Maybe, but I'm not in love with a Dalavathi."

Her repeated declaration of love bolstered his courage. "Right. Okay, so Time Lords. Well, like human mating, there's two parts: the intimate side I alluded to last night, and then an actual bonding of the minds that's more…" More like marriage, his brain supplied, but he swallowed the words and said, "More of a commitment."

"So telepathic contact can feel good?"

Those same instincts the Doctor had fought against the previous night rose up again, and he had to clench his hand into a fist to keep himself from showing her exactly how good it could feel. "Pleasurable even. There are ways…" He cleared his throat. "And imagine feeling exactly how what you're doing is making your partner feel."

Rose bit her lip. "But… we already… I mean, I've been able to feel when you were, um, turned on ever since we got this empathic connection. So how's this any different?"

The Doctor coughed. "It's—well, that's only… picking up on desire is only the first step," he stammered. "Knowing when you're… aroused, well sensing it telepathically isn't much different from observing your blown pupils or flushed cheeks."

"So… um, telepathic intimacy would be… more?"

"Much more," the Doctor confirmed. "It's the difference between knowing your partner is aroused and actively doing something to arouse them." He dropped his hand and traced a light pattern on the inside of her knee. "It's possible to telepathically stimulate the pleasure centres of the brain. Depending on the level of contact, that could feel like anything from a nice snog to full intercourse."

Rose's breathing stuttered and the Doctor clenched his eyes against the rising force of her desire. Blimey. He'd known it would be impossible to talk about telepathic intimacy without becoming aroused himself, but he hadn't even thought…

He pulled his hand back and shifted a few inches away from her, and she seemed to understand his need for space. "Actually, Gallifreyans and Time Lords were, as a rule, asexual. Not much in the way of sexual attraction to one another, and the sex act was generally seen as far too messy and awkward and most definitely beneath Time Lord dignity. We reproduced with machines called looms and, for those who wanted intimate forms of pleasure, there was the telepathic connection, which was, er, more than adequate."

Rose fixed her gaze on their joined hands, and he wondered what she was thinking. "Does that mean you can't…"

Her voice trailed off and it took him a moment to follow her train of thought. Mean I can't… "Oh! Oh yes, I definitely can." The Doctor caught himself before he launched into a scientific explanation of the functionality of vestigial penises—even he was aware that information didn't belong in this conversation.

"Good," she muttered.

He wasn't sure he was supposed to hear that, so he swallowed hard and moved on. "So that's the first level of… courtship, though that word implies more of a relationship than it necessarily was. Possible between any two telepaths, providing the minds are compatible enough."

"And ours…"

"Very compatible." He couldn't help the huskiness in his voice, and the way she inched closer told him she'd noticed.

"But there's more, yeah?" she asked softly. "Seems like there has to be more."

The Doctor took a deep breath and pulled at the strands of control that desperately wanted to be unfettered. There was more, so much more, and he needed Rose to understand all of it before they took even the first step into telepathic intimacy.

"I told you last week that actual relationships were based on mental compatibility. You already know about regeneration; imagine the difficulties in maintaining a relationship with someone through different incarnations, as your mind shifts subtly."

Rose turned to look up at him, and the frown on her face worried him. "So if you regenerate again, you might not… want to be with me anymore?"

"Oh! Oh, no." He brushed the hair out of her face and cupped her cheek tenderly. "Remember, this is the Time Lords we're talking about. Relationships were based on compatibility and political expedience, not love. Love… love always carries through from regeneration to regeneration. And besides, that's a test we've already passed."

She looked at him blankly, and he realised that somehow, she didn't know how long he had been in love with her. "I loved you long before I regenerated, Rose."

Her cheeks turned pink. "You did?"

"Rose, I can hardly remember a time I didn't love you." He floundered for a way to explain it, and then remembered a line from literature that described it perfectly. "I was in the middle before I knew I had begun."

Rose hid her face against his arm, but he could see the way her mouth stretched into a smile. "I loved you back then too," she whispered.

He had to kiss her then, he couldn't resist. He placed a finger under her chin and tipped her head back, then dropped a gentle, loving kiss on her slightly parted lips. The love he saw shining in her eyes when he pulled back made him forget what they'd been talking about.

"Where was I?"

"Explaining why bonding was so important to your people."

"Ah, yes. Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Without love holding you together, a bond was the only way to ensure a stable relationship. At the beginning of the union, the couple would form a telepathic bond that would ensure they always had a place together, no matter what else changed."

"What did the bond entail?"

The Doctor's first instinct was to put his hand on her temple and show her, to explain the difference between what they had right now with what a bond would mean by example. He clenched his jaw and let the temptation pass; there was no way he could go into her mind right now without it becoming more than a simple conversation.

"Doctor?"

Some of his control regained, he looked down at Rose. "The first thing you need to know is that it would be very different from what we've shared so far. If we were communicating telepathically right now, we could still have barriers up to keep the other from seeing certain things."

"Right, imagine a locked door, et cetera," Rose said. "So a bond would be different?"

"If we weren't actually touching, it would be possible to still shield thoughts. But if we were touching, even just holding hands, it would be almost impossible to keep a secret. If there was a surprise you wanted to keep, you could communicate that and I would try not to peek, but mostly… we would be open books to each other. It was that intimate level of familiarity that ensured a regeneration wouldn't lead to a separation."

She hadn't flinched away from him yet, so he continued. "Bond mates could even communicate over a distance."

"That was dead useful yesterday," Rose commented. "You using that alien psychic machine to tell me how to stop the creatures."

The Doctor swallowed. "Yeah. But it's more than practical. Imagine being miles away from your lover, but communicating with them as if they were in the room with you—all in the privacy of your own mind."

"I dunno, Doctor. That sounds…" She bit her lip. "Honestly, that sounds more intimate than sex, or even mental sex. That's sharing everything you are with the other person."

"Which is why matches were very carefully drawn up between two people," he agreed. "I sneer a little bit at their pragmatism, but really, it makes sense."

"Because if the whole point of bonding is to make sure the relationship holds through regenerations, then it really is till death do you part," she summed up. "I mean, it couldn't be undone, right?"

The Doctor rubbed at the back of his neck. "A bond was permanent, until one party went through their final regeneration. And even then, losing a bond mate was… painful."

Rose's face fell, and he felt her withdraw a little bit. "Rose? I'm sorry, I know it's a lot to take in. I should have told you in chunks, but I just… you know how I am when I get started, I just talk and talk until someone tells me to shut up and please tell me to shut up now, Rose."

"No, it wasn't too much. I asked to know. I just thought…"

She felt rejected, but that couldn't be right, not when he'd just opened up to her more than he ever had before. "What did you think? Because I'm telling you honestly Rose, I am at an utter loss right now."

She tugged on the sleeve of her top, pulling it down over her thumb. "Well, that's why you stopped me last night, wasn't it? Not because we're taking it slow or anything, but because bonding is… unbreakable."

"Well, I'm not opposed to the idea of going slowly, but… yes." Rose tried to get up, but he kept a tight hold around her waist. "Hold on, Rose. I think—no, I'm positive we're having some kind of miscommunication here. I'm sure it's entirely my fault, but I don't know where I've gone wrong in explaining."

"You haven't, Doctor." Rose shook her head and her hair fell over her face. The Doctor wanted to brush it back so he could see her, but she seemed so unusually timid that he knew she needed the protection. "I just thought… I thought me and you… but I guess my forever isn't really long enough to be worth a bond."

The Doctor gaped at her, hardly able to believe what she seemed to be saying. Still, the hurt he felt from her couldn't be mistaken. "You think I don't want to bond with you."

She sniffed and nodded. "I know you love me," she said in a rush. "An' I know that you're never gonna make me leave again, and that you won't leave me. I trust you, I do."

"Rose Tyler, I have underestimated you so many times, but this might be…" The Doctor swallowed hard. "You misunderstood me, love, or maybe I wasn't clear because I didn't want to pressure you. I didn't know if you would want a bond with me."

Rose pushed her hair back and stared at the Doctor, her mouth hanging open a little. "You didn't know if I would want to bond with you?"

The Doctor looked away, feeling exposed with one of his biggest insecurities finally revealed. "I've only let you see the nicer parts of my mind, Rose. I've lived a long time, and I've done things I'm not proud of. I've killed. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to live with that inside your head."

"Yeah, you did underestimate me." Rose tugged on his hand and he turned to face her again. "Doctor, I know those things about you. I might not know the details, but I already know them, and I love you anyway."

She shook her head suddenly. "No, you know what? That's not even right. I love everything you are, the light and the dark. Some of those things you did because you had no choice. An' some of them… some of them you learned from, and they shaped you into the man you are right now." She took a deep breath. "So yeah, I'd love to live with that inside my head. It's you, and I love you—my Doctor."

The Doctor had to swallow hard to get the lump out of his throat. Rose's words made him want to ask… but things were moving much faster than he'd expected, and he didn't want to scare her off. But Rose picked up on his nervousness—of course she did—and squeezed his hand reassuringly.

That gave him the courage to voice the question in his mind. "Would you—" He licked his dry lips. "Would you be willing to take the first step, right now?"

Eager excitement rolled off Rose, but her voice was calm. "What's the first step?"

"We'd form a provisional bond. Enough to send images, and to talk if we're near each other, but even while we were touching, it would be possible to keep thoughts behind locked doors."

Rose tilted her head. "Sorta like a trial period?"

The Doctor stared at the time rotor, not wanting to see the rejection on her face if she said no. "Exactly. Provisional bonds could be broken, unlike a full bond."

She didn't feel uneasy or repulsed by the idea. In fact, if anything, there was anticipation coming from her end of their connection. "So this would be like gettin' engaged, and a full bond is marriage."

The Doctor's hearts were racing. "Yes. It was actually called a marriage bond." He wanted to say more, to explain further, but his gob failed him for once.

He expected Rose to hesitate, or back away. Their relationship—well, open and acknowledged—was only a few weeks old, and in human terms, he'd just asked her to marry him.

Rose put her hand on his shoulder. "Doctor, look at me." The Doctor turned slowly, and when he looked at Rose, her eyes were shining. "We could do this provisional bond right now?"

He searched her face, hardly daring to believe she was saying yes. "Only—only if you want."

"I want," she said, and he felt the strength of her promise in those words.

The Doctor leapt out of the seat, nearly causing Rose to tumble over. "What're you doing?" Rose asked him, watching him dash around the console with a joyful expression on his face.

"Taking you somewhere special. I thought we deserved a proper setting for this," he told her, and sent the TARDIS whirling through the Vortex to their next destination. "You might want to grab a jacket; this planet tends to be a bit chilly."

Rose shook her head as she walked back to her room. Sometimes the Doctor's mood swings were hard to follow, but at least this time, she knew what the reason was.

The skin on her temple tingled as she remembered how it felt to have him inside her head. What would it be like to always have him there? She could always feel him, but to actually have him inside her… She flushed at her accidental innuendo and forced herself to move on.

When she reached into her closet, her fingers brushed against soft leather. Pulling the hanger out, she found a brand new jacket she knew would fit her perfectly. She slipped it on and then stroked the TARDIS lightly. Thank you, Dear.

"Have I mentioned," the Doctor said when she returned to the console room, "how much I love that you love the TARDIS?"

"Course I love her," Rose said. "She's brilliant."

The Doctor grinned and held out a hand. "Come on then. We're here."

"We've landed? But I didn't feel a thing."

He sniffed and looked down his nose at her. "Because I'm feeling magnanimous, I'm going to ignore that implied slight against my driving."

Rose's teasing retort was forgotten when he opened the doors. She gasped in awe as she stepped out of the TARDIS into a deep canyon filled with amazing rock formations. The planet's sun had just risen, and the pinkish light of dawn lit the tops of the canyon walls. Above them, two giant rays soared through the sky.

"S'beautiful, Doctor," she breathed. "What is it?"

"This is Makuyu. And that up there," he pointed to a streak in the sky glowing blue and pink, "is the Medusa Cascade, where there used to be a rift in time and space."

"Like in Cardiff?"

"Well yes, but this is really much prettier."

She felt he was holding something back, but after all the revelations of the day, she didn't push him on this point. The Medusa Cascade was special to him in some way, and he'd chosen to bring her here. That was all she needed to know. "You said it used to be a rift. What is it now?" she asked, watching as the band of colour faded in the brightening sky.

"Now it's a causal nexus. Out there, the fabric of time was once rent in a way that should have caused a universe destroying paradox, but instead, it became relatively stable. It's still a place where the timelines are in flux, though. In a manner of speaking, from here, anything could happen."

When they couldn't see it anymore, the Doctor tugged Rose closer, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Can you see them?" he whispered.

Rose closed her eyes and tried to pay attention to the gold strands she'd started to see recently. She saw the ones belonging to herself and the Doctor, but she instinctively ignored those, instead following a different one at random. At each point along the timeline, there were four or five variations of events, some drastically different and some just mild alterations.

She drew in a sharp breath as time flowed around her. "Yeah. Yeah, I see it."

"It's a place of infinite possibility, which isn't how I usually see time. But here, anything can happen—even things I thought were impossible."

Rose finally started to catch on to his purpose. "I like being in a universe of the possible, instead of the impossible."

The hand on her waist flexed a little, then relaxed. "I've started to believe in the impossible since you entered my life, Rose. That starts and ends with believing you could actually want a damaged man like me."

Rose felt the uncertainty in the words that he was trying to hide, and she knew she'd have to take the next step. "So how exactly do we create this provisional bond?" she asked. "You've… well, all you've told me is what it does, not how it happens."

The Doctor's gratitude rolled over her. "Most of the steps won't apply to us," he said. "Our families don't need to consult with the Lord Cardinals of our Chapters, and there's no concern over how advantageous a union this would be politically."

"I know I've said it before, but blimey, your people sure knew how to suck the fun out of everything."

The Doctor laughed. "Oh yes."

Rose turned so she was facing the Doctor, taking both of his hands in hers. "So what's the first step that we would actually do?"

"After the families had proposed a match and the Lord Cardinals approved it, there would be a preliminary ceremony with the couple."

"Oh, the couple actually gets to be involved?" Rose asked in mock surprise.

"Since a marriage bond is unbreakable, as you pointed out, the couple would make a verbal commitment to that in front of witnesses before they formed the provisional bond. Then they would share a house for a period of time, to confirm their compatibility."

Rose grinned at him. "We've already done that part."

The Doctor rocked back on his heels, a glint in his eyes. "Yep! Successful cohabitation—check!"

"And there aren't any witnesses here."

The rays soared through the sky behind the Doctor. "None that would understand what we were talking about, at least."

The humour eased their nerves, and Rose squeezed his hands. "Then all that's left is the bond, yeah? How does this work?"

The Doctor stared at a spot over her shoulder. "We'll form a telepathic connection, like we have the few times we've talked. Then I'll ask you to bond with me. If you accept, the provisional bond is formed."

Rose frowned. "Not if, Doctor," she said firmly. "When. When I accept."

His eyes met hers, and she could see the fear and wonder he was projecting over their empathic connection. "May I?" he asked, lifting his hand to her temple. She nodded. "You too, Rose," he added, bringing her left hand up to his right temple.

They both sighed when the contact was formed, and Rose felt a sense of relief from the Doctor, like he'd been aching for this. You've been lonely for too long, Doctor, she told him.

I'd never been alone in my head before, not really. It was the worst part of the War. He gently redirected their conversation. But we aren't here to talk about that.

The Doctor in Rose's mind closed his eyes, and a moment later, they were standing in the canyon again. How'd you do that?

Inside your mind, you can be anywhere you want to be. He shifted so they were standing side by side holding hands again, clasped palm to palm with their fingers laced together. The Medusa Cascade was invisible, but Rose could still see the possibilities swirling in the air.

His fingers tightened in hers, and she glanced up at his face. How long are you going to stay with me?

Rose's heart sped up. This was him, asking. She felt her own timeline and saw only one path forward. There was no universe in which she wouldn't want the Doctor. Forever, she told him, never more sure of anything in her life.

The word carried the weight of authority, and they both shivered as it settled into their timelines, forming the provisional bond that would begin to tie their minds together. By mutual consent, they removed their fingers from each other's temples, leaving the telepathic connection behind.

Rose blinked up at the Doctor. His telepathic signature, that presence she was always aware of, was suddenly much more vivid than it had been before. "S'like… I can almost see you in my mind's eye," she said.

He breathed out roughly. "Yeah." The hand that had been on her temple ran through her hair slowly, letting the strands fall back one by one. "May I?" the Doctor asked for the second time that day.

"Always," Rose whispered as his hands came up to frame her face.

The kiss was tender and reverent, mouths moving slowly in an effort to express the emotion welling up inside them both. Rose could now feel the Doctor's attraction not only over their empathic link, but also over the bond. Instinctively, she reached for it, stroking along the bond and sending the pleasure back to him.

The Doctor moaned low in his throat, and the sound spurred on Rose's own arousal. She nipped at his lip and he opened willingly. His tongue stroked against hers and then pushed into her mouth as he took command of the kiss, his hands pressing against her back to hold her close. Rose gladly relinquished control, clutching the lapels of his jacket and losing herself in the sea of sensation he was creating.

And then she felt the Doctor return her telepathic caress. Rose tore her lips from the Doctor's to cry out at the pleasure singing through her mind. She rocked against him, seeking the friction she needed.

Rose reached her breaking point when he ground against her, leaving no doubt that he was as affected as she was. She grabbed onto the bond and sent him detailed images of exactly what she wanted to do to him. There were a dozen possibilities, all of them involving significantly less clothing than they were wearing right now.

The Doctor moaned her name, but then, to Rose's surprise, he put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away until there was a foot between them. "Doctor?"

His eyes were clenched shut, and he was breathing heavily. "Can we… this is… I just…" He paused and drew in a shuddering breath.

"Too much at once?" Rose was grateful for the gift of their empathic connection; she might not have been quite as understanding of his sudden downshift if she hadn't known exactly how he felt.

He nodded twice, and finally opened his eyes. "Can we take a few weeks to get used to the bond before we go any farther physically?"

"'Course we can," Rose said, the words coming easily even though she wanted to protest. The Doctor gave her a half smile, and from the gratitude he projected toward her, she knew he knew what she wasn't saying.

"Back to the TARDIS?" he suggested, holding out a hand.

Rose slipped her fingers through his. "And all of time and space," she agreed.