Chapter 28

"What the fuck was that?" shouted Elliot as he was led away from the interrogation room and in turn, away from his own office. "You gonna allow that?" he asked Barba, getting right in his face. Elliot was a good foot taller and a hell of a lot broader, but the ADA didn't flinch.

"Allow what, Lieutenant? Allow him to plead guilty and take responsibility for his heinous crimes? You're damn right I am" Barba stated calmly.

"You saw the same thing I did, right? What is the point in an allocution if he doesn't want a reduced sentence? He just wants to humiliate Serena AND Olivia in open court by giving sick details. He's still playing whatever sick game he's been playing from day one!" Elliot's face and neck were red and the veins that were visible were standing out straight.

Olivia stepped between them. "I'm fine Elliot and I don't give two shits what he says about me. He thinks he knows us by watching, fuck him! He can say all he wants when you and I know the truth. It's Serena that…" it was then that she remembered Serena ran and she took off to find her.

She found Fin outside sitting on the steps of the precinct with Serena pushed up close to his side, her head on his shoulder. She wasn't crying, she was eerily silent once again but holding onto to Fin so tight that her knuckles were so white they were almost blue. Liv was sure the circulation in his arm was long gone, even the pins and needles were probably dormant again but he would never move nor say a word. She sat on Fin's other side, facing her daughter. "We got him baby. He just confessed to everything. There won't even be a trial, he just has to tell the judge what happened." She tried to coax her to put her head up, but it wasn't working.

Fin had an idea what the child was thinking. Like her mother, she always worried about everyone else. "What was Elliot's punishment?" When Liv looked at him quizzically, he elaborated. "For attacking Carlson. Dodds and Barba saw it so how much trouble is he in?"

"Oh! I don't know, they didn't say anything before I left. Shit, do you think his confession will get thrown out?" Olivia desperately did not want that to happen.

"Nope" they heard from behind. "Nobody saw nothin" His accent was thick when he said it meaning he was troubled, but at least he wasn't in trouble. "Dodds just gave me the look and a warning that we'll talk later. Barba went to get the paperwork started. Carlson is back in the tombs waiting for his lawyer, arraignment and a nice trip to Rikers. Barba said the allocution could take place as soon as Monday if he has any say in the matter. I told Dodds that I am taking my family home."

"Elliot…" she began but he put his finger up to stop her.

"Liv, we talked about this. You're already out. I said I would be too as soon as we caught the SOB and I meant it. I'm done. This job has already forced me to make sacrifices of my family, I won't let that happen again. I want to be able to wake up and wonder what to do with you today rather than wondering if I am ever going to get to sleep at night because I'm not with you. It'll all be good, luv. I promise. I'll start the process on Monday." He sounded so confident that even if she wanted to, she wouldn't argue with him.

Dodds was making his way out when he saw them. He knew what was coming since Olivia already started her paperwork. He just held out his hand. Olivia handed over her shield and her gun.

"We're gonna get them all Sergeant. That is a statement of fact."

-SVU-

The drive back to Jersey was silent. Olivia kept turning around to check on her daughter who sat behind Elliot. Her eyes looked far away and she almost seemed to shrink, physically and mentally. If Liv didn't see her chest moving, struggling to fill her weakened lungs, she could pass for a wax museum figure. Just being back in the same room with that man set her recovery back to the beginning, maybe worse. Serena admitted to being confused about reality and now Liv was going to have a harder time convincing her otherwise. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Pull over to the shoulder Elliot" she said. He didn't question and when it was safe, he complied. Olivia got out and jumped in the back. She slid to the middle while he pulled back into traffic. Serena didn't seem to notice. After she buckled, Olivia slid all the way over, putting her arm around the girl's shoulders. That got a reaction, albeit a negative one. Serena shook her mother off and buried herself as far as she could into the door, pulling her feet up onto the seat and her knees under her chin; but her stubbornness was inherited from the best and Liv was not about to give up. Serena kept saying that she didn't want her mother to touch her and Liv assumed that was because she felt dirty. Well to hell with that, but words didn't seem to be enough. What worked this past week were actions so Liv didn't say anything, she just pulled her feet up on the seat sideways, placed her left hand on Serena's shoulder and her right went across Serena's waist to grab her left hand away from the door handle that she was holding onto. The kid went limp...at first. Liv bend her head to rest on the hand that was on Serena's shoulder and refused to move. It wasn't the most comfortable way to travel, but her comfort wasn't important; keeping her daughter grounded was and physical pressure seemed to work. Not before long, while her head stayed turned towards the window and she didn't move any other muscles, Serena's right hand grabbed Olivia's wrist tightly. Neither let go for the rest of the trip and the rain began to fall.

Once they arrived at Bernie's, where despite having two separate apartments everyone now referred to as home, Serena got out of the car and ran towards the mini wall. Rain was coming down in buckets so it took longer to get back than it normally would. She was quickly soaked to the skin as she bent over, holding onto her knees. She seemed to be expecting to vomit again, but she had nothing left in her stomach. None of them had anything to eat since lunch yesterday, yet no one was hungry. Liv attempted to pull Serena's hair from where it was stuck to her face at the same time thunder rumbled. The child snapped up and screamed. She screamed and screamed and screamed, not at Liv, there were no words just screaming as if the lid was blown off the pressure cooker and steam had to be released. All the sound got lost in the crash of the waves and rain. When she had nothing left, she fell to her knees, her head touching the sand. This time when her mother touched her back, she didn't shudder, she had nothing left.

The waves were almost touching her forehead, so Elliot bent down and lifted her into his arms. She stayed curled up, so it was easy for him to use one arm to hold her, the other to help Liv to her feet. When they reached the patio door, Bernie was waiting. Without saying a word, she led them to her bathroom where she had a hot bubble bath waiting. Elliot placed his daughter on the lid of the toilet and left her to his mom. When he returned to the kitchen, Liv caught his eye and once again made her way out into the pouring rain. She jogged to the exact spot she just stood and repeated her daughter's actions. She screamed and screamed and screamed into the cacophony of the storm. Elliot joined her, it was a good release for them both.

When she couldn't scream any longer, Liv just started swearing at the sky. She shouted every curse word in the book before making up a few of her own. All Elliot did was watch. When she turned her attention back to the ocean, he repeated a few of her finer words and smirked. He knew how she felt but he couldn't help teasing her. The situation called for some levity; they were shouting into the Atlantic during a tumultuous rainstorm, soaked to the bones, exhausted and spent.

"Wow, I think I'm gonna call Webster. Better yet, start using those around the station, start a trend." His attempt worked, she let out a small laugh with a heavy exhale while shaking her head. The respite passed quickly as her head shake turned into a whole-body tremble and her laughter turned into tears. It was hard to tell due to the water pouring down on them, but Elliot was so attuned to her and he immediately pulled her to him. She tried her best to calm herself quickly, but she felt the uncontrolled hysterics coming. It would have been a full-blown episode had something not caught her eye. She pushed away from Elliot and walked closer to the water. He watched her carefully, unsure of her intention but once again ready to spring into action. It wasn't necessary. Olivia bent down and began to dig something out from under the wall.

When she stood up, she was holding Serena's glasses. Miraculously just one lens had a crack and the middle was broken but finding them meant so much more. She clutched them to her chest and the waterworks began again, these not coming from the sky. Elliot watched her for a moment, but he could never let her feel alone and seeing her upset broke his heart.

-SVU-

When he brought her back inside, Elliot saw his mom hovering by the door to her bedroom. He knew Serena was in the tub and she was giving her privacy while being close if she was needed. Bernie looked up when she heard the door slam only to find a repeat of the scene she saw not 20 minutes ago only this time, it was Olivia folded into her son's arms. She nodded towards the hallway bathroom and went back inside her room. Elliot carried Liv straight into the shower. He turned on the water and waited until it got hot before stepping with her under the spray, shoes, clothes, everything. After all, they were already wet. It took a few moments, but she calmed down enough to stand. He helped her undress and undressed himself. The water began to loosen the tension in his muscles, and it seemed to do the same for Olivia. It wasn't even two in the afternoon and she could barely keep her eyes open or her head up. Her emotions were exhausting.

As much as Elliot wanted to make her feel wanted and loved physically, and he could use the release himself, now was just not the time. Olivia stood shaking under the hot water, desperate for it to relax her strained muscles, wash the image of that fucker taunting her daughter from the forefront of her mind. He poured soap on his hands and began to rub it all over her as she leaned into him. It was caring, sensual and that soothed her more than anything. When the heat of the water began to wane, Elliot wrapped her in a towel, grabbed one for himself and walked them to their room.

Before going straight to their room, Liv stepped back to poke her head into Serena's room and saw her sitting on her bed. She thought that was odd, so she quickly threw on one of Elliot's t-shirts and a pair of yoga pants and rushed into her daughter's room, not bothering with a bra or panties since they didn't seem important and she didn't want to waste time. Serena was on the edge of the bed wrapped in a towel. She had the towel that was used to dry her hair draped over her shoulders and the fleece blanket that laid on the end of the bed covering her legs. The only skin visible was her forearms and her feet. She stared straight ahead at the doorway where her mother stood. Liv heard Bernie put the music on in the kitchen in addition to banging pots and closing cabinets. The steady rain continued to fall.

Liv closed the gap and knelt down in front of the bed. "Do you need help getting dressed?" She couldn't understand why she just sat there like that when normally she was clothed in a flash so that no skin was showing. She watched her daughter shake her head and open her mouth as if to say something before closing it again. She waited patiently until finally Serena spoke.

"I'm here now, with you." It wasn't a question so Liv didn't answer, just nodded. "I just took a bath." Again, nod. "He's not coming back." At that Olivia shook her head.

"No baby, he's not. You never have to see him again. You don't have to be in the courtroom, you'll stay here with Bernie." She wasn't sure where this was going.

"Then, that means yes, this really is real. Huh, I was right, it worked. I need you to see. I need you to see so you can help me. Will you see and help me Momma?"

Liv would kill, steal, and die to help her daughter but she didn't know what she was supposed to 'see'. "Of course, baby. I will do anything in my power to help you. What is it that you want me to see?" Elliot was now leaning against the door frame as confused as she was. Serena took a few deep breaths and slowly pulled the towel from her shoulders.

"I need you to see me, like me now, not like you remember." When she removed the towel, she pulled her hair back and Olivia was mesmerized. On Serena's shoulders were two deep, jagged indentations that looked haphazardly stitched. They looked like holes with the skin stretched and sewn together. Surrounding those, and it took a few moments for Olivia to move her eyes away, were several smaller scars. Some were surely bite marks, others unidentifiable as to what caused them. Dragging her eyes downward, Liv could clearly see cigarette and other burns and raised scars leading to the edge of the towel Serena held around her chest. She had a feeling what was hiding underneath.

Serena quickly pulled that towel away surprising Olivia and causing Elliot to immediately turn away. She now sat naked, the only covering was the fleece laying across her lap. Burns and brands marked her once perfect skin capturing Olivia's undivided attention. "You can turn around Elliot. You should see too." She watched Elliot's back as he took several deep breaths and tilted his head to the ceiling, like he was preparing himself before he turned around. His eyes went wide, and his breath hitched as he slowly approached and knelt by Olivia's side.

"Fuck" he breathed out. That about summed it up. He was fixated on her breasts. She was tall and thin and still developing but since Liv was larger breasted, he assumed Serena would be also. He was unprepared. It looked as if she had been bound by her breasts. They were misshapen and one had the nipple almost completely off, leaving jagged stitches in its absence. Dr. Paxton had mentioned this, but at the time she had mentioned so many things that they all blurred together. There were what he thought were brands, burns in the shapes of various items, some old and faded, some that looked so red and fresh as if they had just happened. He could see her ribs clearly and she had almost no muscle tone or an ounce of fat on her. Her stomach had angry red lines going in every direction-knife wounds, maybe whips. He didn't realize that he had tears going down his cheeks until he heard Liv shudder beside him. Her eyes were glued to Serena and roaming her body just as his were.

"Are you okay Momma?" Serena asked as she sat pulling the towel back to her chest. There was no hiding the emotions that were rolling off Olivia. She could only nod. "Almost done. The Doctor said I am infected, and I think I know where. I need you to see it. Will you?"

Olivia stood up, turned around and covered her face with her hands. Elliot stood up too. "A minute angel, okay?" he said. He tried to put his arm around Olivia, but she shook him off. She needed to compose herself and if he touched her, she would fall apart. Serena stayed on the bed, pulling her hair into a ponytail. It was a few minutes before Liv turned around.

"Open and honest baby. I don't think I can see anymore. I know that right now, I can't look at the damage done between your legs and…" She didn't finish her sentence before Serena interrupted.

"NO! I am NEVER showing you that! No, I meant my back!" She whipped the fleece off her lap to reveal her capri leggings. She had to smile at the deep breath that Elliot exhaled. "I can reach between my legs easily and take care of what's there, but I can't see or reach my back. Momma, having you see down there...Elliot couldn't be in the room! I will tell you the damage if you want to know, but please see my back? You need to see to help me."

Olivia ran over to her daughter and cupped her cheeks, kissing her face. She looked so relieved, but distraught at the same time. She sat on the bed next to Serena as the teen turned sideways and rearranged the towel so she was just holding it in front, bringing her back into full view. It was all Liv could do not to vomit. She thought she would be able to handle this, but she was wrong. Covering Serena's back were dozens of lashes. She was whipped, repeatedly. Many, many other scars from jagged stitches donned her spine including more burns, brands, and various sized holes. Liv could tell that Serena must have terrible back pain. Her discs were visible, and she was no chiropractor, but she looked out of alignment. There was an especially nasty bruise on her ribs, which made her look like an emaciated animal that Liv assumed was the cause of her broken ribs. This is what she was referring to. The wound looked as if a chunk of skin was missing, swollen and indeed infected. It was right on top of a particularly large burn scar.

"Can you help me fix it? You can use the creams that Dr. Paxton gave me, but I can't do it myself. I would if I could. I'll even take the medicine if we can crush it in some water, so it'll go down. I don't want to be infected anymore!" Liv silently nodded her head and looked towards Elliot who had not moved from his previous spot. For Serena to offer to take pills meant the pain was close to unbearable, not that she would admit it out loud. He caught her eye and left the room to get the supplies. When he came back in, he nudged Olivia out of the way, he was going to take care of this. She skooched around to the other side of the bed and faced her daughter.

As Elliot went to work, Serena spoke to Olivia. "I needed someone to see. I needed YOU to see and to know it's real. Can you...Do you still…" She exhaled and said, "I'm sorry" and she looked away. That got Olivia's focus.

"You have nothing to be sorry for! I've said this before and I will continue to say it a hundred times, none of this is your fault. I love you, I think even more now than I did before if that's possible. I don't know how you are sitting here letting Elliot tend to you and just...baby…" She pulled her into a hug before Serena hissed sharply causing Liv to quickly remember and let her go.

Serena looked confused. "You, you still want to hug me? But you've just seen and…" Elliot interrupted this time.

"I'm going to hug you so tight once I know you're not in pain and I'm afraid your mom is never going to let you out of her arms, but Angel, right now I need you to straighten up. I am going to wrap you up like they used to do with broken ribs. It will help keep the bandage in place so the creams can be effective." She did as she was told, and Elliot tried to gently but firmly wrap the bandages around her body. He paused when he had to wrap his arms around the front of her, trying to be careful not to touch her breasts which was going to be very hard to do. Olivia took over and pulled the towel away and wrapped her front and together they managed. Liv grabbed the t-shirt that was next to them on the bed and pulled it over Serena's head. She watched her mother's face the whole time.

"Momma, you're really quiet. You look like you're gonna be sick." Liv didn't wait for anything else, she jumped up and ran lifting the lid just in time to vomit into the toilet. She was shaking and crying and generally making a mess of herself and she was not quiet about it. Elliot stayed where he was on the bed, but Serena got up and walked over to where her mother knelt resting her head on the cool seat. She ran cold water over a washcloth and wiped Olivia's face before placing the cooling rag on her neck. "Are you scared?" Liv only nodded. "Me too. What are you scared of?"

"Failing you." They both looked shocked at that revelation. "I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough to help you. I thought I knew what to do. I thought I had a good idea of what you went through but Jesus! You show me and I run screaming. Now look. You're comforting me!"

"You're not failing me Momma. I don't think you could. I know you can help me, that's why I needed you to see and when you think you can handle it, I might show you the rest, or at least describe the rest. Don't be scared anymore because you're doing it right. You are doing it all right." Serena sat on the floor next to her mother and for the first time in over two years, she initiated a hug. That sent Liv going all over again, and she just held on, forgetting the wrapping around Serena's ribs. She was not going to let go ever again.

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