Chapter 28: Battlefield

"So you still lied to me Sebastian?" My father said, walking into my room where Blaine and I were. It was obvious from the way he was talking that he was drunk. I knew what was going to happen next, and I couldn't have Blaine here. He needed to leave. I could feel my mouth moving, but no words were coming out.

I saw my dad reach for something in his pants. "Father?" I asked standing up realizing that my father has just pulled out a gun. "Blaine you need to go." I said blocking him from my father. What was he going to do? He couldn't...right? Blaine's eyes looked at me, his eyes confused and hurt. I tried getting him up so that he could run. Run and never look back.

"Why? I don't understand why I can't stay." Blaine said standing up from the bed. It was as if he was completely oblivious to the fact that my father was wasted and had a weapon with him. Why was he being so naïve? Get out of here! "Mr. Smythe, I don't think I formerly introduced myself. It's a pleasure to meet you, my name is Blaine Anderson, Sebastian's boyfriend." He said with a bright smile on his face, his hand extended to take my fathers hand.

I felt as if my vocal chords would snap at how loud I was yelling. In that instant, I could feel the world crumble beneath my feet. I ran over in what felt like slow motion to catch the falling body. The falling body of Blaine. I fell onto my knees, holding him close to me, rocking back and forth telling him it would be okay. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be true. Not Blaine. No, no, no, no!

"Why would you do that?!" I said yelling to my father who stood there laughing.

"Because Sebastian, that was the only way I could ensure that you would be miserable for the rest of your life." His tone was soothing, as if he was trying to make me feel better by telling me those things. "Come say goodbye to your father. I must be going now."

I didn't look up at him. I sat there caressing Blaine's face, begging him to wake up. My tears landed on his face rolled off my cheeks and landed on his face. You can't leave me. Stay with me. Blaine. Please.

What I heard then was another shot, this time, directed at my father. When did I grab this gun? How did it get in my hands? I looked up to see my father falling to the floor. I was alone. It was over for me. My hands were shaking. Shaking so much that I had to throw the gun away from me.

"Sebastian." I turned around, looking for where the voice was coming from. "Sebastian!"

"Who's there?" I said going insane, falling to my knees and grabbing my head.

"Sebastian, wake up!"

I shot up from where I was lying with tears streaming down my face and cold sweat covering my entire body.

"Sebastian, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Hunter said handing me a glass of water.

"Talk to me, what happened?" He said sitting down next to me and rubbing my back.

"Sorry, I can't sleep with people in the same bed, I freak out." I said trying my best to calm down my heart rate. That dream. It had felt so intense. So real.

"You expect me to believe that you woke up screaming because I was sleeping with you?" He said raising an eyebrow. "I'm not that stupid."

I drank the rest of the water before placing the cup on my nightstand. Hunter lied down on his stomach next to me, placing his arm over my chest. "Get off my bed." I said, my exhaustion taking over me again.

"No." He mumbled. I couldn't shake the dream. Something about it was so real that it literally made me sick to my stomach. The only thing that ran through my brain was the idea that if my father caught us hanging out even once, even if were were just friends, he would stop at nothing to break us apart. No. My father was many things, but he wasn't a murderer.

I couldn't sleep the rest of the night, tossing and turning, hoping that somehow I could shake off the dream. When I was finally about to fall asleep, I was awoken by Hunter.

"Get up. You're going to be late." He said taking the covers off of me.

"Let me sleep Hunter." I said, annoyed with the lack of sleep and how early it was.

"No, you need to get ready. We have Warbler practice in 15 so you better get in the shower now." Hunter said standing up, already in his uniform.

"I don't understand why we have to wear uniforms on Sundays. Can't we just practice in regular clothes?" I asked standing up from the bed, realizing that my entire body was still weak and shaking.

"No. Now hurry up, and don't be late. Make sure to stop by Nick and Jeff's before you come to the common room." He said before leaving the room.

Even with the hot water streaming down my body, I couldn't help but shiver. I felt so cold; my fingers and toes felt as if they were frozen, causing a stinging sensation when the hot water touched them. I changed quickly and made my way to Nick and Jeff's room only to find them already gone. When I arrived in the common room, everyone stared at me.

"Are you okay?" Nick said coming over to stand next to me. "You look sick. You're pale, do you want to go see the nurse?"

"No, I'll be fine. Let's get this over with." I said, composing myself before walking to my spot.

"Warbler's, start with some vocal warm ups." Hunter said. In an instant, a melody of voices was ringing throughout the entire common room, and with out a doubt down the halls. Sucks for the kids who thought they would be sleeping in.


"You didn't have to dress so nicely. This isn't that big of an event." Santana said before bringing the cup to her lips.

"This isn't fancy. This is casual." I said defending my choice of attire. I thought I looked nice.

"Do you have to be gay?" She said running her eyes down my body and biting her lips. It was insane to think from where we started, to where we were today. We went from hating each other, to playful flirting. Weird.

"Doesn't matter. You're a lady lover remember?" I said half smiling.

"How have you and Blaine been?" She said placing down her coffee. There was nothing to say, I did my thing and he did his.

"You keep asking that as if we're together."I said taking a drink from my coffee.

"I don't think you understand how bad this sucks for him Sebastian." She started. I rolled my eyes, aggravated that everyone kept reminding me how much Blaine was hurt, but never taking into account what this is doing to me.

"What about me? Doesn't this suck for me as well?" I said, slightly more aggravated than intended.

"Do you still love him?" The question came out of nowhere. Leave it to Santana to not beat around the bush. Well, technically she does. Ha. That was a funny one, if I do say so myself.

"Uh. N-no. I care for him but I don't love him." Lie. Santana shrugged, realizing that I didn't want to talk about this.

"I'm buying a brownie." She said standing up from our table. "Do you want anything?"

"Ask them if they have Courvoisier yet." I said laughing.

"I can answer that for you. No." She said before walking away.

I really didn't know why I said I would go to that stupid dance with him next week. I was tired and half drunk. No you weren't. Okay, fine. I wasn't. But still, I should have known better than to accept an invitation that basically turned into me accepting a night of torture. We would slow dance, we would kiss, we would pretend like we didn't want to pull each other's clothes off, and we would pretend that we weren't in love. Just two friends at a dance. That's it.

"Ready to head out?" Santana said walking over to me, a little bit of chocolate on the edge of her lips. I stood up before shaking my head. "What?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"If you were Blaine, I would whisper into your ear in a seductive voice telling you that you have chocolate on your lips. Then I would lean down and lick the chocolate off. Then you would turn a bright shade of red because you still shiver every time I get that close to you, and you're still embarrassed at my sexual public displays of affection." Santana turned to look at me, a sarcastic look on her face.

"And you expect me to think you don't still love him?" She said throwing me her keys. "You're driving."

As soon as we were on the road, Santana turned on the radio, as if she wasn't expecting me to argue with her.

"Why isn't Britt with you?" I asked, suddenly realizing that the coffee date was between only Santana and I.

"She's already with everyone else at McKinley."

"So explain to me exactly how this works."

"It's sort of like a mix between a competition and prostitution." She said laughing. So I wasn't the only one who thought that. "People who come to the concert pay to have one of the members of a group sing a song of their choosing."

"Groups? I thought this was a solo thing."

"Kind of. We needed 5 groups of 3. That's why we needed you. Finn and I will be singing as well, so that makes us a total of 15."

"Finn?"

"…the kid you made fake nudes of?"

"Oh yeah! Finn."

"You still have no idea who that is do you?"

"No. Continue."

Santana rolled her eyes. "You get placed into a group, but the crowd doesn't know that. Then, we all perform a group number so that they get to know each of our voices. Once everybody has shown what they can do, the people can donate and request a song from whomever they want. Each song the person is asked to perform, they get one point for their team. The people won't know what team you're in, but in the end, the most talented voices will earn more points for their team, and they'll win. So, the crowd thinks it's just a way to raise money, but it's really some friendly competition amongst each other."

"Isn't your diversity club about equality and stuff? Sounds like the best voices are going to get together and win, making the rest of the groups feel bad." Santana looked at me, probably confused that I had actually thought about the losing teams.

"It's a good way to find vocal chemistry and see where our weak spots are. I think it'll be beneficial. And besides, the grouping is at random."

When we arrived, no one seemed surprised that I was there. I'm guessing they all knew that I would be participating.

"Sebby!" Britt greeted me before hugging me. This girl always brought a smile to my face.

"Hey beautiful! How are you?" I asked placing her back on her feet.

"I'm good. I'd love to stay and talk but I kind of have a lot to do right now, but I'll see you when we get placed into our groups." She said before kissing my cheek. Well, if no one was really doing anything then might as well go for a walk.

I bumped into a few of Blaine's friends, but I still haven't seen Blaine. I wonder where he is. I had been looking forward to seeing him all day, but obviously I wouldn't admit that. I was just hoping to spend some actual time with him.

"What're you doing here?" I turned around to see Blaine's closest friend. What was his name again? Samuel? Simon?

"I'm here to perform. Didn't Santana tell you?"

"Yeah, I just thought she was kidding. I didn't know how you would feel seeing Blaine after what happened." The blonde scratched his head.

"We're friends. It's not like we're not part of each other's lives." I said, getting slightly defensive at his comment.

"Well, he's near the gym if you're looking for him. I'll see you in a bit. We're getting together in 5." He said before putting out his fist so that I could bump him. The blonde smiled before turning around and heading towards the auditorium.

I wouldn't go look for Blaine, but I was interested in comparing their gymnasium with ours. That's the only reason I was walking in that direction.

I was about to turn the corner when I saw it. Blaine. Blaine was in the arms of another guy. My Blaine. The guy leaned down to take Blaine into a kiss, his hands wrapped around his waist, the way that my arms used to be around him.

Yes, I was happy that maybe Blaine had found someone to make him happy, but it felt like someone had just punched into my chest and pulled out my heart. Fuck Blaine. Fuck that guy. Fuck love. Fuck life. Just…fuck.

It took everything I had not to walk over and bash that kids face in. But no, I didn't want to cause a problem, and I wouldn't give Blaine the satisfaction of knowing that he just destroyed me from the inside out. I was pissed, but I needed to calm down before the performance started. I walked back to the auditorium and found Santana and Brittany together. I stood by them as most of the New Directions started coming in. Blaine came in, his cheeks flustered and his lips slightly swollen. Was this what it felt like to be heart broken? Kind of new, but strangely familiar.

"Sebastian!" Blaine said waving. He walked over to where we were standing. "Hey!"Blaine had a wide smile on his face.

"Hi." I said nodding to him. He instantly changed his demeanor from one of happiness to one of sadness. I knew that he knew I was mad, but I didn't care enough to try and hide just how upset with him I was.

"Okay guys, this is how we're going to do it." Mr. Schuester said walking in. "Everyone choose a number from the hat. Find the remaining 2 people in your 3 people group." Mr. Schuester said as he handed out a hat so that everyone could choose his or her number.

3. I walked around looking for whoever was in my group with me. Suddenly I felt very much like a fish out of water. Now that I wasn't with Blaine and Santana and Brittany were already in their groups, I felt completely out of my element. Fuck.

"Hi Marley. What number are you?" I heard Blaine ask Marley.

"Number 3! What about you?" No. No. No.

"Number 3!" There it was. The number I didn't want to hear. I would be in a group with Blaine, the one person I hated more than anything right now. Well, not hate. Kind of. I don't know.

Someone tapped my shoulder. "Oh, hey Marley." I said smiling at the brunette.

"What group are you in?" She asked, as Blaine made his way over to us.

"I'm in group 3." I said with a half smile on my lips. I lifted up my hand so that I could high-five her. "So I'm assuming we have this in the bag?" I asked with a smirk.

"No! All my friends are really talented. We have some stiff competition ahead of us." She said smiling at both Blaine and I.

"You're too modest." I said wrapping my arm around her waist and walking towards where everyone was getting back together. Blaine trailed behind us, not directing a single word towards me.

"Alright guys! So here are the teams; Team 1 consists of Tina, Joe, and Finn. Team 2 consists of Britney, Sam and Santana. Team 3 consists of Marley, Blaine and Sebastian. Team 4 consists of Ryder, Jake, and Kitty. Team 5 consists of Sugar, Artie, and Unique. The group number will be with the song that started it all, Don't Stop Believing!" I zoned out, not really caring what this guy was saying. I would sing. I would win with Marley and Blaine. I would leave. And I wouldn't come back to this place. That simple. I realized what was going on when they started handing out red shirts as everyone left to go change.

"I'll show you where the bathroom is." Blaine said walking over to me. I followed behind him, my eyes glued to the ground the entire time. I didn't want to look into his eyes. I knew we weren't together, but still. I never thought Blaine could be the kind of person to move on so easily. Or was it me who couldn't move on?

"So what's the red stand for?" I asked when we stepped into the bathroom to change. I couldn't help but stare slightly when Blaine took off his buttoned cardigan and shirt, revealing a toned body. All I wanted at that moment was to make him mine. NO. Restraint Sebastian.

"The original members of the glee club wore red shirts on their first actual performance on the stage." Blaine paused before continuing speaking. "Is everything okay?" He asked looking at me through the mirror.

I looked into the mirror to make eye contact with him and put on a half smile. "Perfect." I said. When I had finished putting on my shirt, I walked out without saying a word before bumping into Tina.

"So what song do you hope you get to sing?" Tina said as we walked onto the stage. Sam and Sugar came back on stage, happy about how many people had showed up that night.

"I'm not sure. What about you?" The girl went on explaining what song she wanted and why she should sing it.

"That sounds like a good idea!" I said as Blaine made his way to the stage with us. I wasn't really sure whether or not 'that sounds like a good idea' even made sense, but it probably didn't fit the situation judging from the confused look she gave me. When everyone was in their spot, Mr. Schuester made an announcement welcoming everyone and thanking them for their support. When the curtains went up, we all performed the number. It was the first time that I had done a number with the New Directions, and their vibe was completely different from the Warblers. Not better or worse, just different. I knew that this was how they had won nationals. The group charisma was practically tangible.

Everyone went to take their seat in the two front rows. I started realizing that this idea had many flaws. What if they chose a song that the person didn't know? Would someone who did know the song take his place and take his points? Oh well…let's see how it plays out.

Many people were called on stage, Marley being one of the first. It was pretty even, but Marley and Santana had the highest scores. Some of us were even asked to perform duets, providing a chance to gain more points.

Blaine was up next; he was given a Demi Lovato song. I wasn't sure whether or not I knew the actual song, but the title sounded familiar. Blaine had a smile as he walked out on stage and looked at the crowd. Something about his smile was off, as if he wasn't actually really enjoying being on stage. His smile faltered when he looked at me, suddenly changing into what seemed like a sad smile. He closed his eyes and began singing.

Did you forget that I was even alive?

Did you forget everything we ever had?

Did you forget, did you forget about me?

Did you regret ever standing by my side?

Did you forget we were feeling inside?

Now I'm left to forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong

We were once so strong

Our love is like a song, you can't forget it

So now I guess this is where we have to stand

Did you regret ever holding my hand?

Never again, please don't forget, don't forget

We had it all, we were just about to fall

Even more in love, than we were before

I won't forget, I won't forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong

We were once so strong

Our love is like a song you can't forget it

Everyone was on their feet, clapping their hands and yelling Blaine's name. The song had been mellow, but suddenly the song went upbeat. Blaine really knew how to work the mic. He looked at home.

Somewhere we went wrong

We were once so strong

Our love is like a song, you can't forget it at all

And at last all the pictures have been burned

And all the past is just a lesson that we've learned

I won't forget, please don't forget us

Somewhere we went wrong

Our love is like a song but you won't sing along

You've forgotten about us

Don't forget

I could tell that a few tears had slipped from Blaine's eyes by the end of the song. I was in a haze, thinking about every word that Blaine sang. Is that what he though? That I had forgotten about him? Of course not. How could I? But something about how he sung it made me think that he was angry. Upset.

I had gone up a couple times, as well as many of the other contestants who participated in the fundraiser. The night had gone down really smoothly, and I was sure that the New Directions must have made a substantial amount with all the songs everyone had been performing.

"It's your turn again." Mr. Schuester said, waving me over so that I could go back stage. "Someone just requested Fix A Heart by Demi Lovato." He said patting me on the back. "Do you know it?"

Another Demi Lovato request? Who did Blaine say loved her? Rachel was it? But it couldn't be her requesting the songs. She wasn't even here. "Yeah." I said. Blaine walked off stage looking down, not even looking up at me as he walked past me, let alone saying a word.

I turned back around to look at the director of the New Directions. "Is that okay if I play the piano for my song?" I asked.

"Of course!"

After Mr. Schuester announced me I walked onto the stage. The moment I witnessed the kiss between Blaine and that other kid, I realized that I really had no reason to be here. Why was I subjecting myself to spending time with people who meant nothing to me? The moment I walked onto the stage, I felt like I was at home. The stage was where I knew how to express myself. And if Blaine wanted to send me a message through song, then I would do the same.

(Sebastian)

It's probably what's best for you

I only want the best for you

And if I'm not the best

Then you're stuck

I tried to sever ties

And I ended up with wounds to bind

Like you're pouring salt in my cuts

And I just ran out of band aids

I don't even know where to start

Cause you can't bandage the damage

You never really can fix a heart

I had seen Blaine get up almost immediately after I started singing, but I didn't expect to see Blaine appear from the other side of the stage with a microphone in his hand. Before I could start singing the next verse, Blaine was singing it.

(Blaine)

Even though I know what's wrong

How could I be so sure

If you never say what you feel, feel

I must have held you hand so tight

You didn't have the will to fight

I guess you needed more time to heal

Baby I just ran out of band aids

I don't even know where to start

Cause you can't bandage the damage

You never really can fix a heart

Blaine's tone was accusing. This song had officially turned into a battle. I wouldn't back down. It was his turn to understand exactly what I was feeling.

(Sebastian)

You must be a miracle worker

Swearing up and down you can fix

What's been broken yeah

Please don't get my hopes up no no

Baby tell me how could you be so cruel

It's like you're pouring salt on my cuts

(Sebastian and Blaine)

Baby I just ran out of band aids

I don't even know where to start

Cause you can't bandage the damage

You never really can fix a heart

Baby I just ran out of band aids

I don't even know where to start

Cause you can't bandage the damage

You never really can fix a heart

Oh no no no

You never really can fix a heart

Oh no no no

You never really can fix a heart

(Sebastian)

You never really can fix my heart

I wasn't sure how we had gotten there, but by the end of the song, Blaine and I were chest to chest, breathing heavily. The crowd erupted in applause, bringing me back to reality. For a second, I wasn't even sure where exactly I was. During the entire performance, it had felt as if it was just Blaine and I singing exactly what we felt to each other. I looked down at his friends, not surprised by the reaction they were all giving me. Only Santana and Brittany seemed as if they knew what was going on. They must have known just how intimate that song had been. I looked at Blaine before walking off the stage, not willing to bow or take in the applause. I needed to get out of there. I needed to think. I needed air.

I ran out of the school to stand outside, sitting down and holding my head. He drove me insane. Every word from his mouth, every look he gave, everything he did sent me into overdrive. Blaine came running out of the building shortly after me.

"Can we stop pretending like everything's okay?" He said throwing out his arms.

"I just needed air."I said standing up and walking away from him. Blaine grabbed my arm and forced me to turn around.

"Do you mean what you said in that song? That you think I'm cruel for trying to help you?" I pulled my arm away before starting this argument.

"You don't understand Blaine. I opened myself up to one person. You. I fooled myself into thinking that maybe, just maybe if you loved me the way you said you did, then you would never do anything to hurt me. And that you could actually fix what's broken inside of me. But it was all an illusion that I created for myself." I knew I was screaming. I felt like every time I was with Blaine, we somehow ended arguing. I honestly felt bipolar.

"What are you even saying Sebastian? I never did anything to hurt you!"

"Really? So that kiss with that fucking dude wasn't supposed to hurt me?"

Blaine was quiet. "I didn't know that you saw that. He kissed me Sebastian, I didn't kiss him. It's not fair for you're angry. You ended it with me, remember?"

"Whatever." I turned around and started making my way over to my car. Fuck. I forgot that we had taken Santana's car.

I need you to come pick me up. -Sebastian

Are you kidding me? Where are you? -Hunter

McKinley. -Sebastian

You're paying for my gas. -Hunter

Fine. -Sebastian

And a coffee. -Hunter

Fine. -Sebastian

"You can't just leave like that. People may still pay for you to sing. Besides, the winner's haven't been announced." Blaine said sitting next to me and placing a hand on my lap.

"I don't care. I've done enough for people who don't deserve anything from me."

"Does that include me?" Blaine said in barely a whisper, afraid of what my answer would be. Normally I would lie to make him happy, but I was too hurt to care about what he felt. It was time I started working on making myself happy. If Blaine wasn't a part of that, so be it.

"Yes." I said not looking at him. Blaine lifted his hand from my lap and patted his. He smiled as he looked at the floor. We both sat there, staring at nothing, waiting for something, anything, to happen.

"Blaine!" Someone called from the door. "You're up again!" Blaine stood up and started walking away.

Hunter arrived 30 minutes later. I got into the car, and Hunter's face instantly changed from a smile to a knowing look. "Was it bad?"

"Waste of the last 4 hours of my life." I said before turning on the radio and putting it on blast. This friendship was like a cycle. I knew that tomorrow I would receive a text apologizing, then I would say it was my mistake, and then we would end up hanging out, and then things would get awkward, and then he would leave. Our friendship was impossible. It wasn't possible to be legitimate friends with our history.

Would I ever be able to stay happy for a long period of time, or was I doomed to end up miserable? I pray it's not the latter.